ULPT Request: How to deal with kids who barge in front of you at a museum

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bosonrider@reddit

Practice your pickpocketing skills on them.

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DismayedDoctor@reddit

Or reverse pick pocket. Get a squeezy tube of loose glitter and empty that shit into the kids pocket. Mom will wash the clothes… and Daddy’s work pants will forever sparkle.

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bugbugladybug@reddit

I do what the kids do - stand as close as possible to the front to prevent people cutting in, and crucially, do not make space when people start to edge in.

This is how kids do it: they'll break into your personal space, you'll step back, and they fill the void because they've not yet learned about personal space.

Don't make the space for them. Let them push against you - you have the weight advantage. Don't yield.

If they persist, I look the the parent and suggest they pick them up so they can see in a friendly manner.

It works every time for me.

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What do you do for elderly people? Cause I had this happen yesterday on a gondola where a grandma pushed into my space. Then as we left he gondola she pushed past me and even pushed out her arm against me to keep me from stepping past her slow ass.

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Lucky-Elk-1234@reddit

Step back in front of them. And watch them get confused and offended lol

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WearyCarrot@reddit

Blast through her arm /s

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bugbugladybug@reddit

Same - I'm pretty confident I have more strength than most elderly folks. I just need to brace myself a little more as they weigh more and refuse to move. I just pretend they're not there at all like some sort of poltergeist.

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zomanda@reddit

This is how I get on the freeway.

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Professional_Toe_504@reddit

Several years ago I was traveling and I was at a popular museum for tourists. The security line was really long and right as I was about to be the next person an entire family, mom, grandmother, and children, cut in front of me.

Security didn’t do anything and honestly, they were so busy. I don’t blame them.

Normally, I let that kind of stuff go because whatever I’m on vacation, but one of the adults in this group sort of shouldered me or stepped on my foot. It was pretty brazen and rude. I did say something at the time, but they ignored me and it was clear after hearing them interact with security that they did not speak English.

I spent the first hour in the museum following them around and every time they went to take a picture I would walk in front of their camera.

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Hendricks_gin@reddit

You sound like a loser with to much time, is that how you wanted to spend your time in the museum?

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Reyenne@reddit

You sound like a loser with too much time, is that how you wanted to spend your time on the internet? Making unnecessary comments?

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Hendricks_gin@reddit

A 1 second comment while I sit at home vs being in a famous museum, following someone and ruining there photos, context matters

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Quumpher@reddit

*their

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Electrical_Parfait64@reddit

Remember what sub you’re in

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JTMoney336@reddit

You forgot what sub you are on. The losers here would absolutely cut off their nose to spite their face.

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furculture@reddit

You sound like one of the people who cut in line like that.

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AppropriateCat3420@reddit

You know that they would have also got to look at the things in the museum whilst doing this right?

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Professional_Toe_504@reddit

Ya. That’s why I did it.

Btw the Mets suck.

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N0Z4A2@reddit

Bro you're posting on Reddit argument automatically invalidated. Also he was already there looking at the stuff anyways what are you talking about? Is everything okay at home?

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keepmyshirt@reddit

Where did they look like they were from? Looking to confirm similar experiences.

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Professional_Toe_504@reddit

Out of town

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Knitsanity@reddit

This is something I may or may not have done at some point in various museums etc...or not...🤪

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Tracyjeanbitch@reddit

HAHAHA! That’s fricken awesome. 👏

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Future-Excuse6167@reddit

Anybody can have a memory of the Louvre, but you have a unique memory of fucking with this family. You're winning at life.

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Obsidian_Alchemist@reddit

Just let the children enjoy it. It really can't be that much of an ask to look over their heads.

Also a lot of these replies are gross and petty. You people have issues.

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SkeptiCallie@reddit

I breathe out heavily on the back of their neck. They move.

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nitochirundo@reddit

I would coughed and hawk until the will move out of the way, asmatic person here...

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floppydo@reddit

I was at a tourist attraction with 5 year old son and this angry, short Austrialian man in his 60s took exception to some minor breach of etiquette by my son and intentionally caused my son to fall down. When I asked him what the hell that was about he called my son a name that I don’t remember at the moment and fortunately his wife was able to get in front of him before I closed the distance between us because the inside of a jail was not on my list of sites to see in Bangkok.

So yeah just don’t be a complete and utter knob about it because you might get the shit kicked out of you.

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AffectionateBrick687@reddit

Tell the kid that their parents are planning to divorce on their birthday.

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distorted_calamity@reddit

Fart bad enough to give the kid pink eye.

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TinySarcasm@reddit (OP)

As an IBS girlie, I fear this would be too risky…

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Fun-Professional-581@reddit

I hate entitled people. We were at a youth soccer game once and a guy with a camera came and stood directly in front of us, blocking our view. I kindly asked if he could move and he refused. He needed this angle for his precious kid’s recruitment video (they were 10yo, btw). So I decided to stand directly in front of his camera so he had no angle at all for his shot. Oops. Sorry, I need to see my kid right from here.

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PleasantYesterday671@reddit

Stop touching my cooch you perv usually helps

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mister-ferguson@reddit

"Hey kid! Did you know that Mommy and Daddy hide candy all over their bedroom? It's usually in a bag in the nightstand. Go look when you get home!"

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Lovedd1@reddit

Once while watching my nephew he came out of his parents room with a baggie of gummies and said he ate some. That it was candy his mom gave him sometime. I freaking died! I called his mom and it was melatonin thankfully but holy shit 😭

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Puceeffoc@reddit

Hinting for a kid to find his dad's gun is wild.

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mister-ferguson@reddit

I was thinking sex toys. I guess our parents were very different.

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AGenericUnicorn@reddit

Diabolical! 😈

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mister-ferguson@reddit

"Some mommies and daddies have funny balloons in square packs! If you want a baby brother or sister you should poke the oaks with a fork!"

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TheSweeetness@reddit

Please don’t do this. The zoo is crowded enough as it is!!

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Lucky_Librarian_4572@reddit

r/foundsatan

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Pinarus-Inventius@reddit

Yell at them

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Frequent-Cicada-2938@reddit

Spray them with liquid ass

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Percyear@reddit

I haven’t seen this recommend in awhile.

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FirebirdWriter@reddit

"Hey you just blocked my view."

I use a wheelchair so this happens a lot. I will make sure they know I am talking to them and usually people apologize and move aside. We share the space. The ones who get mouthy tend to try and be intimidating and my planned responses range depending on how many children there are and my mood but amount to "You not paying attention is a you problem. Get out of the way." It's actually pretty rare I need to be that direct. Mostly people just didn't think about the people around them and are embarrassed by the fact they got called out and want to stop being seen

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Harrigan_Raen@reddit

If you have a beverage/water: It magically gets spilt on them. DO NOT throw it though, like actually drop it like it fell outta your hand and just happened to go down thier back pant legs/in their shoes on the way to the ground.

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TaskPerfect5830@reddit

Very small spray bottle, "sneeze" as they walk in front of you

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Vagistics@reddit

Let me guess

You’re white.

White people have everything and white people always get to go to the zoo… so it’s their turn now. You were here yesterday. And three days ago. You always get to see this. You must have a year pass. Everything’s free for you at this point. You didn’t have to travel far. This is your everyday.

Let me guess they’re also on their cell phone, talking loud and yelling; or filming it with a camera. One long big video. And now YOU’RE IN IT. They don’t know where half of their kids are. But that little one on their shoulders is going to get everything right now and right here and it doesn’t matter what you’re doing.

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UnethicalLifeProTips-ModTeam@reddit

Your comment was removed for violating rule 14: No reason to be a dick. Seriously, get therapy or fuck off.

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PuppyJakeKhakiCollar@reddit

Okay, grandpa. Let's get you to bed.

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RealLokiLaufeyson@reddit

This comment is so weirdly racist. White people always get to go to the zoo. 🤣 what on earth.

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swirlybat@reddit

fart spray the adults. light mist on the bum wont be felt, will be smellt. enjoy your parent + kid free perusing

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Sharkhous@reddit

So I tell them politely that they've stepped in my way. When it happens again I tell them rudely that they've stepped in my way.

Usually I end up walking away because the average level of ignorance gets to me if I let it.

So my advice is to give people feedback but try to not let it ruin your enjoyment

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Deadman1966@reddit

I had this happen to me and they kinda pushed me as they went past so I pretended to stumble and punched him in the nuts. I just shrugged when they complained. Maybe don't push past people and they won't stumble.

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BigMikeInAustin@reddit

If they get in front of your girlfriend, she can loudly say, "Sir, I've already asked you twice to stop your kid from kicking my tits!"

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PinkysAvenger@reddit

I would start telling the lewdest, grossest story I could come up with. Be as vulgar and off putting as you can. Have you ever seen the Aristocrats? Borrow some of those stories. Talk about getting gangbanged, getting shit on, describe the shit, talk about how fun all the drugs were, and how much you love doing heroin and beastiality. Go off.

Make the dad turn around and tell you to stop. Then tell him you were only reminded of the story when he decided to be an asshole.

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peanutismint@reddit

Kick em in the teeth.

They’re only baby teeth, they’ll grow back.

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IronNia@reddit

I start to make sounds of sick stomach 🤢 lot of people doesn't like to have it on their backs.

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pobnarl@reddit

you're bigger than them, isn't it obvious

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Vivid_Elephant2922@reddit

Les plus petits ont bien entendu la priorité sur les adultes. C'est le propre de chaque société civilisée.

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Jar918@reddit

Stick your foot out.

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DontCryYourExIsUgly@reddit

Happy cake day! 🤍

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AGenericUnicorn@reddit

But do it better than I did in first grade when I thought I was so smooth, but got caught immediately.

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Unique_Anywhere5735@reddit

This is especially useful if they're running

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burningtulip@reddit

Not leave space for anyone to stand in front. A very tall adult without a kid could have done this too...

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VodkaMargarine@reddit

Quietly explain to the parent that legally you are not supposed to be within 10 metres of a child.

That should do it.

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feralcatshit@reddit

Diabolical. But it will work!

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mehekik@reddit

Piss disk.

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Pootle001@reddit

From the bag of piss discs that we carry at all times.

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MorgainofAvalon@reddit

Don't forget the dry ice to keep them frozen. Otherwise, you just have piss in your pocket.

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Pootle001@reddit

I'm 64, that's a given

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MorgainofAvalon@reddit

😂

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mehekik@reddit

This guy gets it

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Newzachary@reddit

Ethically you shouldn’t visit zoos. lol

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Galavantinggoblin@reddit

You just get back in front of them I swear the problem solving skills of some people is seriously concerning

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u_r_succulent@reddit

Even just being polite and saying “excuse me, do guys mind moving a little to the right? I can’t see.” Would probably work.

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radrachelleigh@reddit

Do you know what subreddit this is?

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u_r_succulent@reddit

In an unkind world, politeness is an act of unethicalness.

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HellaWonkLuciteHeels@reddit

I know! This person is so weak!

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Galavantinggoblin@reddit

I feel like we should get some older people on here and do a “I had to make decisions before I could ask every single question on Reddit. AMA”

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Avgirl10@reddit

Pull them close and sniff their hair. That should clear the room.

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Freshouttapatience@reddit

When people stand too close to my husband he’ll ask them if they like how his hair smells. He has no hair.

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lambslam2o@reddit

bullshit like this is why i’m almost a little bit excited to start balding

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heylookaquarter@reddit

Squeeze back in front of them. Play by their rules.

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ZombieMoms@reddit

Play by children’s rules?

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debbiesunfish@reddit

r/lostredditor

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f1ve-Star@reddit

Fart. Lots of soda so there is always one ready in the chamber.

Or raw piss disc.

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No-Tangerine4383@reddit

Randomly seeing piss disc suggested as a solution in the weirdest scenarios will never get old to me. The thought of someone just having a piss disc on their person at the zoo or museum cracks me up.

I need someone to make a shitpost on /r/EDC where they lay out their everyday carry and there's a piss disc laid out alongside their phone, keys, and earbuds.

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Marystillgoesround@reddit

People really forgot “excuse me” exists. The real Mandela Effect.

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1BenWolf@reddit

Open the orangutan pen and let them out. Should be fun for everyone.

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PizzaCop_@reddit

Fuck their dad, become their step-parent, ground them so they can't go to the museum.

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biold@reddit

I do the opposite. If the kids are small, I allow them to stand in front of me, but I ask the parents if it is OK.

The parents can't say no, the kids are happy and I get to see everything — and the parents make sure that nobody else gets in front of their kids (and me)!

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EusticeTheSheep@reddit

Loudly exclaim they’ve stepped on you while barging in front of you?