Fired at 52 after defending my late mother's memory. 30k in debt
Posted by whyarewetrying@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 210 comments
TL;DR: Fired from my job at 52 after calling out a boss who laughed while I spoke about caring for my late mom who died of cancer. Sitting on 30k in credit debt. Trying to figure out if I should sell an inherited rental property to wipe my debt and live lean on a tiny pension until I hit 62.
Lean is $800 a month and having my fiancé move in to share costs etc… but I’ll be 100% credit debt free and 80% debt free of a mortgage (owe less than 40k)
Treicee2004@reddit
I'm really sorry that's such a heavy thing to go through,especially while trying to keep working. It must have been overwhelming to deal with everything,including healthcare stuff. I hope you were able to get the support you needed through ACA or other resource.
Fabulous-Call-5032@reddit
Definitely ask Dave Ramsey
OpportunityOk5719@reddit
This is the answer
Calabriafundings@reddit
Lawyer will result in a settlement which doesn't move the financial needle too much in 6 to 24 months.
I have not worked for others in decades. I have had a few partners over the years in different businesses. I have found that I don't have a good picker for bosses or partners.
I run 2 businesses in a half assed manner. Great customer service and product, but at 55 I don't really want to build those.
Currently working on starting another. No partners. Mostly digital so minimal personalities.
Good luck. Watch your pennies. Stay sharp. Get angry enough to take so much business away from the guy who was a jerk to you that he has financial fear. I am not normal, but I have built 2 solid businesses over the years because I was very pissed off at a self centered jerk.
Masters_domme@reddit
If you ever want to share your knowledge, I’m here for you 😅. I was just telling my husband that I used to be incredibly entrepreneurial, and could make plenty of money until I hit about 30. Idk if being a single mom drained all of my creativity or what, but now I’m medically retired and struggling to find viable ways to make money.
Distinct_Cockroach_5@reddit
I found Nick Loper of Side Hustle Nation and his Facebook group to be a great resource for providing a wealth of viable ideas.
Masters_domme@reddit
Thank you - I’ll check him out!
Sufficient_Teach_137@reddit
I don't think a lawyer will get very far on in a case for wrongful termination bc it's well understood that you can't scream suck my di@$ in response to something your boss said that hurt your feelings. Yes, boss is an AH, but professional conduct is a requirement at work and he could have gone to HR to file a complaint rather than letting his emotions take the lead. If others heard it as well it creates a toxic work environment for coworkers. Even getting unemployment benefits could be difficult when someone is fired for cause. I think OP should focus on getting another role once they can regulate their emotions a little better, even if part time to help pay off debt and set themselves up for the best retirement possible. "He deserved it" isn't a great defense unfortunately, even if it's true. At this point OP should have gotten the satisfaction of saying it right to his face!! Gone out with a bang lol
Single_Road_6350@reddit
I took care of my mom as she died from cancer. I was salary, still working 45+ hours a week. The owner started docking my salary a half day’s pay because I had to leave 2 hrs early on Fridays to take her to chemo, radiation and other appointments. Every night I would stay at my brother’s house, bedside, taking care of her. I got to work at 5am every morning and worked until 4-5 every evening. Rinse and repeat. I managed the entire production warehouse and we never missed a beat or lost a step. I confronted him about it and he said if I left early at all I would get docked a half day. I explained that the contract for salary I signed designated that I must work 40 hours a week and I was still working 45-50 and asked him to go grab my contract. He said I never signed a contract and there was literally nothing in my employee file anymore. Nothing, none of my performance reviews (which were all exceptional) or anything. Given the chaos of taking care of my mom I needed the job and just took the half day’s worth of pay hit. A couple weeks after she passed the owner informed me he sold the company and they eliminated my position. It was one of the hardest times of my life. It messed me up really bad mentally. One of the only times in my life I truly thought about taking it. I lost my faith in humanity. It was a small family business that was handed down to him from his dad. I had saved his ass when Covid hit and the entire crew aside from me and one other guy quit. I still feel like I’m dealing with the depression and anxiety that took my life over at that time. I have come to realize there are truly evil people in this world.
Distinct_Cockroach_5@reddit
My condolences on your mother's passing. I've learned from my own son's passing to document everything in the extreme and make a list for the rest of my children to do their own documentation down to social media, phone backups, and having a NOK box. I don't trust anyone to save or furnish copies of any contracts, references, phone calls, documentation, notes, or photos that would be in my interest outside of family. I am an archivist of sorts and a digital hoarder. There are definitely evil people, and they love to prey on the grieving. I'm sorry you encountered them.
Depression and anxiety were familiar companions for some years, but I found those are momentary visits that are fleeting. Finding something that gave me a sense of purpose is how I honor my son's memory and saved my sanity. Your mother must have been so proud to have you as her son. ❤️
Sherree4444@reddit
Remember the old saying about Karma. I think your former boss will learn sooner rather than later about how it works. Keep your head up and soldier on. And condolences for your mum.
Distinct_Cockroach_5@reddit
My condolences on your mother's passing. You should have the opportunity to at least take a deep breath, grieve, and not make any major decisions for a while. Since that isn't possible, carve out time to do grief work. My son's passing at 22 was a major shock, and I am still finding my way back.
You may find AARP's resources helpful. Many retirees are starting side businesses after finding that retirement income doesn't cut it. You could start something on the side ahead of retirement while existing on your $800, but with the cost of living, even if you're debt-free, I don't see how it's possible. I am working as an in-home caregiver for an elderly client and collecting social security at 62. I have a house that's paid off, but I couldn't keep up without roommates. I wouldn't advise leaning on the fiancé to keep you afloat. That is marriage-level commitment.
Look around you for items to flip and check out Side Hustle Nation. You may find something that gives you a sense of purpose and genuinely enjoy doing.
SheriffBartholomew@reddit
That's workplace harassment and then retaliation on top of it. You should definitely lawyer the fuck up. They may have just handed you an early retirement without financial concerns. Gratz!
AdAggravating8273@reddit
Ahh, if an employee tells a boss to suck my dick, they're getting fired. Laughing can be brushed off or the boss can deny or shift the perception.
Sufficient_Teach_137@reddit
Exactly, I don't understand all the people telling OP to get a lawyer, this is a well understood no-no and a very standard conduct violation. Even unemployment is more than likely off the table, especially if others overheard it.
SheriffBartholomew@reddit
I don't think so. Not at a corporate place anyways. Only one way to find out!
The boss laughed about an employee's dying mother, and then when the employee vented their anger in a completely different room, the boss fired them in retaliation. The power imbalance in that scenario is exactly why anti-harrassment, and anti-retaliation policies and laws exist. This is like one of the scenarios in the training I have to do every year.
Redditdotlimo@reddit
Ahh the good ole reddit sue-a-roo.
Masters_domme@reddit
“Sue-a-roo”? I’ll add that to the “divorce, of course!”, section of the dictionary lol
Redditdotlimo@reddit
Ahh yes. Another classic reddit.
6thsense10@reddit
Take a part time job. $800/month is poverty. Even if you had a paid off home. And depending on a someone you're not even married to is a recipe for disaster. I'm not saying long term relationships are entirely inferior to a marriage but in instances of depending on a partner for your financial solvency it is. At least with marriage you have a legal contract and one partner can't just easily walk out and say welp good luck to you.
Equivalent-Room-8428@reddit
Your total income would be $800 a month? That really doesn't seem like enough. Since you have significant credit card debt, you should spend time thinking about how that would feel to be wiped out. Or think of a plan to pay it down quicker, I don't think you could get a lower interest personal loan with out a job.
On the flip side property is expensive and you are earning $500 a month from it as a rental which is income generating far into the future. Is the $7k a year part of your $800?
Are you collecting unemployment right now? I hope you filled for it.
Fine-Beginning-52@reddit
Please be mindful that Medicare is not free if that is what you were counting on. If you need help understand so you can plan, message me. I am NOT a broker. This is a sincere offer.
ddebita@reddit
I agree. I did so much to educate myself about Medicare when I was in the prior 3 month stage. It definitely helps to know what to expect as opposed to thinking it's going to be a certain way.
Square-Sun654@reddit
OP, many here have advised you to speak with a financial planner. I agree , you want one that is a fiduciary. If you are worried about cost, or don’t know where to find a reliable financial planner, check with your banking institution. I work with an excellent financial planner who is affiliated with my Credit Union. My consultations with her are free- a benefit of being a member of the credit union. There is a 1% fee if she manages investments.
calico_queen75@reddit
So sorry about the loss of your mom. I’m not a financial planner but I would not sell a rental property I inherited if it was earning passive income. Definitely meet with an actual financial planner to weigh your options. Also, 52 is not too old to find a better job. Best of luck to you.
Double_Dimension9948@reddit
Shit, I’d go work at Trader Joe’s
MsMulliner@reddit
Or Costco!
Musiclady5@reddit
I got my Masters and a wonderful teaching job at 52. You can do this
zendragon888@reddit
Why not find a new job I started a new career at 48.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
Well I’m 51/52 and I’m mentally done with “careers”
According_Check_1740@reddit
Is there something you enjoy that could garner some income? Perhaps working for yourself would be an option.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
I’m exploring this
Bypass-March-2022@reddit
What is your net income on the property? Are there significant maintenance issues that you can’t afford? Basically, I would weigh the net income vs the net gains you will make by paying off the debt. If you are looking at significant maintenance issues that you will not be able to address; then, that is another issue.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
Right now I’m netting 7k a year
Bypass-March-2022@reddit
If you sell it, what payments will be paid off that you have to pay out of the $7,000
Fearless_Media4198@reddit
You may want to speak with a financial advisor to get advice specific to your situation, especially if yiu are thinking of selling a rental property. You need to fully understand tax consequences.
I am so sorry about your mom's passing. I can only imagine what you must be going through.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
Thank you
WhoAmI0001@reddit
So you still have 10-15 years left of which you can work until your weell-deserved retirement. You have debts to pay with considerable interest. Not the best time to throw in the towel.
Also, screw your ex-boss. Id still seek legal consul to see if you have any case here. In the meantime, are you at least collecting unemployment? It'll buy you some time to get into a new position. Im 10 years younger than you and id be in no position to not have a career at your age. You have, im sure, some desirable qualities that other companies or employers would benefit from.
Wishing you luck! Don't give up- just be grateful you dont work for a pos anymore.
Secret_Purple7282@reddit
I did the corporate thing for 20 years. I was being considered for C level positions at Fortune 100-200 companies. I left and cared for my father with terminal cancer. After he passed i card for my mother full time until she passed 16 years later.
At 55 I was looking at a new job, too much water under the bridge to go back to my former career. Personally I was devastated but I was going to have to live in my car. I made no money for all those years so no retirement.
I took a work from home call center job for the local utility. I live it and the benefits are amazing. I make 1/3 of what I used to, but some days I don't put on a bra and I leave the work when I clock out. I was planning to leave to go to another job that made more later but I'm sticking. And I get a month off for vacation every year. Great benefits and I love not being responsible for anything. People can be ugly but I try to remember that I'm meeting them at their worst.
Maybe take a break and look for something less. That fits how you want to live.
HammerSack@reddit
Work from home call centre jobs are my dream. My first full-time job was in a call centre and I loved it. No agonising deadlines or endless competing priorities. And so often, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, people might phone at their worst but when you help them, they are often relieved.
Secret_Purple7282@reddit
I love being able to turn that call around and find them a solution.
It's a great job. I'm so grateful to have found it.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
Thank you
Flashy_Geologist_877@reddit
I divorced at 50 and got a teaching cert at 52. I worked as a teacher for 13years, then retired at 65 with pension, SS, and Medicare.
SpicyRitas@reddit
I don’t know the rules but I’d look into unemployment since that doesn’t sound like a clean firing. That’s my take off what you said anyhow.
FionaFierce11@reddit
He yelled suck my dick and was overheard by the entire meeting. He got fired for cause and they can fight his unemployment. It’s not right, but OP should have shouted that in his car driving down the road and not blow up his financial life because he can’t control himself.
Spiritual-Road2784@reddit
Have you not ever been in such a state of emotional overload that such a reaction from a supervisor would send you over the edge?
I give the OP kudos for leaving the meeting and going outside to let it out. They could have screamed in the meeting. Not OP’s fault the walls of the building are so shoddily constructed that they’re not sound proof.
May your life always be so peachy keen that you’re never pushed beyond the brink.
Head_Trick_9932@reddit
He could also be at will state which means he’d be SOL unless he can prove hostile work environment
stevenmacarthur@reddit
I think OP showed maturity and restraint; if someone had mocked me for caring for my cancer-stricken late mother, I'd have beat his ass in front of everyone with my fucking shoe.
Icy-Astronaut-9994@reddit
You are a lot nicer then I am.
If I say what I would have done, I'll get banned... again.
stevenmacarthur@reddit
I've been banned from some of the subs, it's no skin off my nose - I lived for decades before any social media; I can do it again.
Diligent-Pianist-471@reddit
You sound so much like my husband. Please accept it as a compliment! He speaks his mind and tells it like it is.. no sugar coating or beating around the bush.
Telling the truth and being upfront and honest is not popular by any means. People can say that cannot be offended. Believe me, I myself have offended many just by calling out those that cannot tell the truth. Life is too short, to constantly filter thoughts and verbal responses.
stevenmacarthur@reddit
Thank you; I do accept it as complimentary.
Diligent-Pianist-471@reddit
You are most welcome!
Not much difference in our age, seeing you are class of 1985. My husband and I are both from class of 1982.
Icy-Astronaut-9994@reddit
Lol, I have been banned from a lot.
I was a care giver and it hit home a bit, I also ccw so I might not be so nice.
neverinamillionyr@reddit
My grandmother passed and I traveled cross country for her funeral. The night we got back from the funeral my father in law passed. My ex was an only child and she and her mother leaned on me pretty heavily to help with arrangements, etc. I told work that I would be out for my grandmother a couple days ahead of time. With my father in law there was no way to give them advance notice. I called the morning I was supposed to go back to work and explained the situation. All in I was off for a week. I had leave to cover it. I got back and was told they didn’t believe that I could have two funerals in a week. I got written up and put on a performance improvement plan. This was after 10+ years of getting glowing reviews. I went to the CEO and asked him to help or I was tendering my resignation and handling things myself. He called my department manager in and I’m not sure what was said but my manager tried to become my new best friend.
JohnnyOvrsleppt@reddit
Don’t damage your perfectly good shoe… use the bosses.
stevenmacarthur@reddit
Mine is assuredly larger and therefore will leave more welts.
almost_an_astronaut@reddit
My boss made a snarky comment about my late father-in-law not being "real family" when I needed to leave to bring him home for hospice. My husband and I had been his caretakers for 14 years. He has been my second dad since I was 15. I told him he can go fuck himself if he has an issue with me leaving early and he can text me if he wants me to come in tomorrow or not.
He apologized and said he dealt with that kind of thing with "bad humor." Still uncalled for.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
Thank you
Sea-Percentage-1992@reddit
Alongside pursuing the wrongful dismissal claim, would you consider looking for a pt job to bring in a small income rather than relying on the estate? You’ve got a financial buffer, so you can afford to be selective. I completely understand not wanting to jump back into the rat race, but not all jobs are the same.
If it was me, I’d feel more comfortable taking on a modest part time role and maintaining independence, rather than living very frugally for years and potentially having to rely on the state later on.
MidnightBlueSilk@reddit
You don’t think screaming “you can suck my dick” is a reasonable grounds for dismissal?
Spiritual_Cause3032@reddit
He did not tell his boss that he went outside and yelled it into the open air. It was not a direct conversation. He had no intention of saying that to him directly.
MidnightBlueSilk@reddit
No it was screamed so loud they heard it inside was what she described.
horrible_decider@reddit
Nope. And you can suck mine too
sarcasticorange@reddit
If this is the US, pursuing that would just be donating money to an attorney.
InfectedSteve@reddit
Call corporate office, your supervisor laughed at your situation which is work place harassment and provocation which lead to your uncontrolled outburst. While not in the right for that outburst, you were purposefully pushed to that point by someone of influence in the work place.
At the least you may be able to take the other guy with you.
Anotherams@reddit
OP’s situation is not race, religion, gender, disability. OP’s situation is they yelled suck my dick on company premises, which in itself can be considered sexual harassment. Workplace harassment has a very specific definition, and this isn’t it. OP is getting a lot of really bad legal advice that is going to land him with an attorney who will take the little money he has for a case they can’t win.
InfectedSteve@reddit
I said nothing about legal advice.
I said corporate office. Nothing about legalities. I said nothing about race, religion, or gender. I have no idea where you're coming up with any of this on my post.
My words were: "Call corporate office. Explain. They can investigate ( internally if that has not been made clear) and while i agreed OP was not in the right, I said they may be at worse case be able to take down the asshole with them due to the nature of what was said.
Please, read posts carefully when replying.
MaximumJones@reddit
Don't ask for advice on Reddit.
Have you ever read the insane and deeply disturbed advice people give on Reddit? 😁
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
I was hoping to find some genx peeps who have taken an early retirement honestly
Emotional_Deodorant@reddit
The only Gen X who are retiring now are those who’ve made serious bank their entire careers, had a govt/pension job, or have an extremely low CoL. Or a combination of all 3.
HousesRoadsAvenues@reddit
Raises hand to two of the three you mentioned.
MaximumJones@reddit
Advanced_Tax174@reddit
What kind of interest are you paying on $30k in debt?
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
16%
Advanced_Tax174@reddit
Yikes. You need to sell whatever is necessary to pay that off immediately.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
It’s an $800 a month payment
hikeonpast@reddit
At $800/mo over 5 years, you’re paying $48k to borrow $30k.
Pay that thing off as fast as you can.
NojaysCita@reddit
Jesus Christ. I’d try to wipe out that debt asap for sure. I’m sorry you lost your mom, and your job.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
It’s a consolidated loan for 5 years. I just did it then I lost my job unexpected.
RoundGround79@reddit
Sue the employer. Even if you said what you said, and it was “heard,” a good employment lawyer can fight that and get you a nice settlement. I’m guessing the meeting was recorded which would benefit your claim because your former boss was recorded. Again, find a good employment lawyer and sue the company.
Dear_Treat2592@reddit
Sure for what? OP quit.
RoundGround79@reddit
OP did not quit. They were fired.
Dear_Treat2592@reddit
Okay, you’re right, but for cause. You really think someone will win a employment lawsuit after telling a boss to smd? Enough with the frivolous lawsuits, it takes away from those that have merit.
Neurob4psych@reddit
Yes look into hostile work environment. It might qualify
Dear_Treat2592@reddit
Very doubtful.
Coldfinger42@reddit
OP showed a lot of restraint. What a piece of trash boss.
quigong80@reddit
And only agree to 30%!
Arik50@reddit
So sorry that this happened to you. I just turned 57 and live on SSDI. It is a very tight budget but I live with 2 others so we're all able to make ends meet. Your whole situation sounds scary and unstable. Maybe living debt free is a better choice. Maybe find some $ side jobs. Wish you the best of luck 🤞🙏
Livid-Technology-396@reddit
I lost both of my parents while at work. My father died from cancer, mother was killed by a drunk driver while walking. This all happened while working a two different companies. Both places of employment were very kind and compassionate. I’m sorry this happened to you. How humans have the ability be so cold to one another never surprises me.
Allmyexesliveintx333@reddit
Your boss is broken for him to have that reaction to you caring for your mom with cancer. He’s a disgusting person. Having said that I think you should not throw the baby out with a bath Water it’s OK to quit that job but just give yourself a minute to breathe and then go back into the market. It starts to look for something else if you don’t find anything else then go ahead and sell that property and live frugally, but I think you’re making a rash decision because of what this dick did.
SunshineAlways@reddit
My dad was dying of cancer and my boss told me I was being too negative. (I was expecting a little more empathy because their child recovered from cancer).
SnooBooks5315@reddit
I had ovarian cancer, after maxing out my STD & LTD I tried to return to work. One bad day I silently crying at my desk, my boss walk in my cube & "Said pop another pill" They only care what they get out of you.
SunshineAlways@reddit
I’m so sorry. When my father did pass, I went in to catch everything up, because I knew nothing would get done while I was gone. Sure enough, it was all waiting for me when I got back. They hadn’t even put in my paid time off. :(
TXtogo@reddit
You probably need to work. also, your mortgage math is squirrelly at best and health insurance is importing.
Good luck
N0stradama5@reddit
Get that unemployment asap. Chill and regroup a bit before you make any hasty decisions.
Wanderingirl17@reddit
This. Even if they initially deny you. You can appeal.
OP your insurance should end at the end of the month. Go to your doctor and get your grief and burnout medically documented. Including the effect of the interaction with your boss. You’ll likely win on appeal if they deny it.
I left a crappy job and a jerk boss years ago. They protested my unemployment. I submitted my explanation of benefits for my visits and was approved.
SassyCatKaydee@reddit
I am SO sorry this happened to you. Your boss is a freaking monster and deserved wayyyy worse than overhearing what you were kind enough to step outside of the office to say.
I am seriously shocked by some of the comments on here that are scolding and/or insulting you for your decisions and your reaction to this POS boss. Some people will never know or understand what it's like to care for a loved one with a terminal and horrific illness. They'll never come even close to understanding how much of your heart and soul is scarred and permanently affected by going through the experience of being a caregiver to a dying loved one. I suspect that some of these comments are coming from people in this category and empathy is not part of everyone's DNA, unfortunately. Don't let this rattle you.
As a 2 time caregiver of loved ones with terminal cancer, I get where you're coming from and I have also made some major life decisions that came from a place of grief and trauma. They may not have been the most "reasonable" decisions, but it's what was needed at the time and I wouldn't go back and change a thing. I truly believe that everything will work out for you in the long run, and I'm so glad that you have your fiance to help get you through this.
I hope that whatever decision you make after having some more time to vent, process and allow the anger to subside a bit is one that will serve you well and bring you and your fiance some much needed peace and happiness.
If your fiance has health insurance through their job, then maybe look into whether you can get on their insurance as a domestic partner until you two get married. Not all jobs offer that, but it's worth looking into. No one should subject themselves to being treated like garbage JUST for health insurance.
Now that you're not tethered to the corporate rat race, please take some time to enjoy the time and freedom that gives you to take care of yourself. I bet your mom might want you to do this the most. 💛 Wishing you all the best. 🫂
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
Thank you. All the comments good bad ugly are helping. I’ve been navigating my mom’s passing pretty much alone for 2 years.
phillyphilly19@reddit
Look your boss was an asshole but you screwed yourself. Collect the unemployment, get some grief counseling, and get a new job. I don't know why you think you shouldn't be worried about health insurance until you're 65 but you should be.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
Because I’m healthy and if I’m not then oh well. I watched my mom work her whole life just to become a science experiment for the cancer industry.
Head_Trick_9932@reddit
I’m sorry for what your mom went through and you as well.
However, no health insurance can be catastrophic if something does happen or come up. And over 50, that did raises substantially. My husband is your age and just got released after pneumonia and going sepsis. Sepsis could have ended him. It can turn bad real quick. Kudos to you if you’re not worried but I’d be looking at some private sectors or lose it all, including the homes.
Anotherams@reddit
I was diagnosed with a neurological disease in my mid 50s. The cost of diagnosis and first year of treatment was $1m, and the annual cost of my ongoing treatment is over $500,000. This is before insurance discounts. We would be crushed financially without insurance, and I’d likely be living in a nursing home paralyzed as my treatment would have been delayed without it. Don’t risk going without insurance. Work at Starbucks or Trader Joes for it if you have to. It may save your life. And will cover the therapy OP needs to help deal with grief.
Turbulent-Demand873@reddit
Not worrying about insurance told me a lot. At 52 you have absolutely no idea what could happen. A stroke, heart attack, hell, a “simple” fall could be the end of you financially. You could lose the home you are thinking about paying off. I will be 51 in a few months and there’s no way I would be so nonchalant about going without health insurance. Most adults are tired of the rat race. But we are adults and do what we need to do. I have less debt than you but continue to work in the corporate world so hopefully I don’t have to eat cans of cat food during the last years of my life. I make the best out of life. You might want/need some therapy to help with the grief of losing a parent. It might help you work through this situation you’re in.
Head_Trick_9932@reddit
We have 13% debt ratio and under 50% monthly fixed cost in our 50’s. We’ve invested and done well but hell no would I risk no insurance. If we lose our jobs tomorrow, we’d have to consider private sector. My husband was just hospitalized with pneumonia and went septic. It could have ended him (thank God). Just out of pocket is crazy.
She doesn’t sound like she’s too financially savvy for her big age.
L_wanderlust@reddit
So just to clarify - is your fiance on board with this “if I’m sick oh well” plan so that if you have a heart attack or stroke or cancer, you don’t plan to seek the very very expensive help and treatment? If so, you do you! But let the fiance at least talk it through with you so you’re both on the same page
Head_Trick_9932@reddit
As long as he stays fiancé, he’s cool lol. Don’t marry her unless he can add her to his insurance because yeah, it could be catastrophic financially if she ever did get sick, injured or vegetative state.
phillyphilly19@reddit
Oh well what? You know you don't just die when you get sick. I'm starting to see why they fired you. Then you're going to collect Social Security at 62 and screw yourself out of thousands of dollars a year because you retired early.
Sparkykc124@reddit
Health insurance is the only reason I work full time, pretty sure that’s the point in the US.
writtenwordyes@reddit
Do not sell. You will find something or rent it if you can.
fouhay@reddit
This. So much this!
MaximumJones@reddit
Call this guy
https://i.redd.it/mztjxmqmp2tg1.gif
Weird-Ninja8827@reddit
Wow, that's a lot to process.
What the heck kind of company was it? Not that any particular kind makes that "boss's" behavior okay, but it may help give context to how they got away with that.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
How they got away with it? They are more powerful and connected? He was laughing as I talked about the hardship of being on FMLA and caring for my mom suffering from stage 4 cancer. So I walked out of the building and screamed to heavens that he could “SMD” this set off a chain of events that has me unemployed right now.
owiko@reddit
Yeah, definitely go see a lawyer about a hostile work environment and the result you have.
Anotherams@reddit
This does not reach the definition of hostile work environment at all. OP was not harassed about his race, religion, gender or other protected class. You are giving bad advice based on a buzz word.
owiko@reddit
Hostile does not need to be against a protected class
Anotherams@reddit
They yelled suck my dick at work and there are witnesses. There is no law suit here. An attorney has already told them this.
Weird-Ninja8827@reddit
Connectedness is no excuse. The guy was a turd, but more importantly he was creating a hostile work environment.
MagnumPIsMoustache@reddit
Tell us more about that chain of events
Motor_Struggle_3605@reddit
Talk to an attorney. You may have a wrongful termination case.
MagnumPIsMoustache@reddit
You think? I would think the screaming was enough to fire especially in an at-will state.
Mom_who_drinks@reddit
Being an ass is legal. If you think the termination was because of your age, gender, etc AND can prove it, you might have a case. Sorry this happened to you.
Emotional_Deodorant@reddit
Legal, yes. But also fire-able in most companies.
Mom_who_drinks@reddit
Yes, exactly. What’s your point?
Emotional_Deodorant@reddit
That an act being legal is irrelevant to it being terminate-able. I think we’re in agreement, just the way you worded your response to Magnum made it sound like he couldn’t be fired for being an ass and/or a protected class.
Mom_who_drinks@reddit
Ah, sorry. It got lost in translation from my brain to my keyboard. We’re in violent agreement.
MagnumPIsMoustache@reddit
Reread your employment law. In my state they can fire you for anything not protected. Losing your shit in the office and screaming in the parking lot is not protected. I would wager this isn’t the only thing that has happened either.
Mom_who_drinks@reddit
I just said he doesn’t have a case unless he’s alleging illegal discrimination. I was in HR for almost 30 years. I once fired a divisional president because she sat down at a board meeting without permission. I’m aware of the law.
Creepy_Radio_3084@reddit
Why? OP went outside and didn't scream at anyone in particular. JFC. And why does everyone (it seems) talk about 'in an at-will state' There's only ONE state that isn't at will!
MagnumPIsMoustache@reddit
So you believe exactly what the OP said and there is nothing that went on outside that? Sweet summer child…
Motor_Struggle_3605@reddit
You never know until you ask.
Moist_Effort4202@reddit
Sue that sack of shit!
https://texaslawhelp.org/article/filing-a-complaint-about-your-employer-answers-to-frequently-asked-questions
tungtingshrimp@reddit
Ask this in r/personalfinance
XerTrekker@reddit
Sorry this happened to you! I think in the US healthcare is going to complicate retiring early especially if you don’t have an after-tax nest egg built up. I’d be looking for a lower stress job to coast in for the health insurance.
fringedjewels@reddit
The disrespectful boss is sad but, honestly not surprising. I would never offer advice on how to navigate this complicated situation.
However, there are two things that I do know… 1) There is rarely a job that is truly low-stress. Any job has politics and navigating that is stressful.
2) Healthcare from an employer is nice, but there is a loophole in the U.S.; 35 hours/week is now considered full-time (a strategy used to increase the jobs numbers (along with increasing the restrictions for unemployment - so there were fewer claims). Both were done to avoid officially admitting the U.S. was in a recession), and with that change, healthcare became optional. An employer can offer it or even give you the option to not get it and get more take-home pay.
Sense_Difficult@reddit
This. And if he was going to retire anyway, then just use the income from the lower stress job to hard core pay off the credit card debt. It seriously could be wiped within a year. And health coverage. Win win
old_motters@reddit
I'd send in a lawyers letter threatening to sue for this. Even if I didn't actually plan on it.
They may choose to pay you something to make you go away. They may fire the asshole who laughed.
It's a low cost way of rattling their cage.
owiko@reddit
IANAL - I would be they’d claim the reaction wasn’t the right one, but a hostile work environment started by the boss sounds juicy enough to get some payout.
Brock_Savage@reddit
No lawyer would take this case on contingency but they'd happily take his money if he wants to pursue this fool's errand.
old_motters@reddit
No one is saying take it to court.
I'm just suggesting rattling some cages to see what falls loose.
Maybe it will drive organizational change that the OP won't see.
Brock_Savage@reddit
I don't think that's a good decision considering OP's desperate financial position.
old_motters@reddit
How much is a lawyers letter?
Exotic_Knee_5621@reddit
Last time I had a lawyer send a letter to “rattle some cages” cost me $1200. Not smart if OP is already having financial difficulties
old_motters@reddit
That does change the math a little.
$1200 isn't chump change.
Exotic_Knee_5621@reddit
It wasn’t chump change for me either. But if you’ve ever had one of THOSE neighbors, you know it’s worth it.
Brock_Savage@reddit
That's kinda like asking how many calories are in a sandwich - there are a lot of variables. It cost me a couple hundred bucks for a demand letter 6 years ago but I live in a HCoL area.
Anotherams@reddit
Sue for what? They weren’t fired for race, gender, religion or disability. Doesn't sound like OP is in a union. This won‘t rattle their cage one bit since they double checked with their counsel before sacking OP.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
Oh I’ve been rattling
ancientastronaut2@reddit
💯 employment attorneys work on contingency, so they won't take your case if they think it doesn't have legs. Do it!
Also name and shame this place on social or take to a local news outlet. They deserve it for protecting inappropriate behavior by leadership. (But maybe ask the attorney first)
MagnumPIsMoustache@reddit
You don’t know the backstory. This firing could be the culmination of a lot of crappy behavior and work output. Don’t believe everything you read on the internet.
esquirlo_espianacho@reddit
This is what I think too. OP may have become difficult to work with generally. Also curious if he was on a PIP already…
Brock_Savage@reddit
Unless OP has been holding back critical details no lawyer would take this case on contingency.
app_generated_name@reddit
Are you an employment attorney?
Brock_Savage@reddit
No, but I have passing familiarity with employment law and guarantee I know more about it than the idiots giving OP bad legal advice.
OP has already admitted he does not have a case. He probably knows that because he couldn't get a lawyer to take it on consignment.
app_generated_name@reddit
No?
So you do not know what you are talking about. Stop giving bad advice. OP should absolutely consult an attorney that specializes in this and then he can make the decision that works best for him.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
I’ve talked to a lawyer he didn’t see anything really there. Mainly bc it’s a contract position
app_generated_name@reddit
There's your answer.
I'm sorry you are in this position. I watched my mom slowly die over the course of 3 years. The 1st was the 3rd year anniversary of her passing.
Take some time, grieve and breathe. Make a plan. Get a job that gives you enough to live on. Remember you have value.
Brock_Savage@reddit
I do know what I'm talking about and don't give advice to strangers unless I am absolutely certain I am correct.
If you bothered to read OP's posts you would see that I am correct and they have no case.
old_motters@reddit
Good for you.
Fingers crossed some good comes from it.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
I have done that
SecondBubbly3000@reddit
The mental anguish of losing your mom could be cause for wrongful termination. Have you had any therapy or gone to the doctor or talked to your doctor about how difficult it’s been navigating life? I took a year of FMLA off after my mom’s death.
Brock_Savage@reddit
This is a terrible idea and a waste of money.
Sue for what, exactly? All states except Montana are "at will" employment states meaning that an employer can fire someone for any reason or no reason at all. There are, of course, exceptions but it is unlikely OP qualifies unless they omitting some crucial detail.
old_motters@reddit
So you're saying you wouldn't try to rattle their cage and see what falls loose?
Most HR departments take threats of legal action VERY seriously.
MagnumPIsMoustache@reddit
That depends. Sometimes they expect it and aren’t rattled a bit. (Speaking from somewhere we fired several people and expected lawsuits, but did everything right).
Brock_Savage@reddit
No, it is a waste of money. Please don't give legal advice to people if you have no idea what you are talking about. If OP's employer is large enough to have an HR department they would have a lawyer on retainer who looks at this stuff.
Suspicious_Time7239@reddit
you don't know what you're talking about. workers rights lawyers do not require a retainer.
CrispityCraspits@reddit
They don't take cases with no chance of succeeding, either.
Techchick_Somewhere@reddit
Do it. And good for you for calling him out. Sell your rental and enjoy your life.
AlmightySprat@reddit
Even a part time job if everything else is covered as far as mortgage etc will be enough to wipe out the CC in a year or so. You could also do that and in addition get a HELOC on your property to pay less on APR if you wanted to get in the positive quicker, from a credit union your mortgage company or maybe Achieve HELOC? Getting rid of the rental property seems like stealing from your future so I would avoid that.
Sense_Difficult@reddit
Ok I just read your updates. Basically 30,000 is not that much money in credit card debt. You should easily be able to find a part time job and just work for a year straight to pay off the CCD. If you were going to live off your pension, this should be easy for you. Try to find a job where it's mindless work and minimal customer interaction. Not even joking, something like being an Amazon driver might actually be perfect. Pay off the CC and then retire. Keep the properties. A rental is basically a passive income. So I wouldn't be so quick to get rid of it.
Sense_Difficult@reddit
How did you "defend your mother's memory?" Because this seems like an extreme reaction to fire you. Especially someone who is 52 years when they know you will have a harder time finding work. Honestly if I were you I think I'd file for bankruptcy and try to get the credit cards wiped out. I'm pretty sure there are ways you can do it and not lose your home.
I'd be very leery of selling property to pay off credit card debt if you just got fired.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
If I file for bankruptcy I’ll be forced to sell my mom’s house bc it’s not my home.
I removed myself from the building and screamed “he can smd” outside to the heavens
Sense_Difficult@reddit
Are you a man who screamed that He can sick my duck? Essentially? How was he laughing? This whole story seems completely off.
MishmoshMishmosh@reddit
Sorry op
lottadot@reddit
Skim the Financial Independence Wiki. That's the place to start when looking at r/FIRE'ing.
File for unemployment. Your ex-employer may fight it, but may not, especially if they hear what had happened. You can always appeal.
Bogleheads has a Tools wiki which you should checkout. There's at least one free/opensource spreadsheet in there, which you could use as a starting point to gather all your financial information into and do some mathing.
You should find out what your healthcare/COBRA costs will be. Many people who are laid off will do COBRA for as long as they can because it's generally a fixed-cost/year and it lets you continue your healthcare policy for 2026 which you may have already been paying into deductible/max-out-of-pocket.
You'l want to skim the r/fire sub for the "ACA" related posts (use the search) to understand what you'd be getting into if you choose to use it now or wait till Jan 2027 (or even possibly Jan 2028 since you might be able to use COBRA for 1.5++ years depending on the state you are in).
If I were you I'd also start working on some sort of short-story or book about this that you could sell. If you think of how popular the printer-park-scene in Officespace is, man what I'd have given to see someone screaming "SMD" and the guy manager looking down from the window listening to that in horror.
Were you on building/facilities camera(s) when you screamed it? :)
Good luck!
u2sarajevo@reddit
r/fire they can help you work through if you're ready.
Authoritaye@reddit
Why did your boss laugh about caring for your mom? If you were upset (understandable) you might be able to sue for wrongful dismissal on the grounds that you were goaded into your actions. Ask a lawyer, the good ones will usually give you a free consult.
Outrageous_Drag6613@reddit
Can you file bankruptcy?
LadyNorbert@reddit
WTF. If that really is why you were fired I think you'd have a good case for a wrongful dismissal suit.
Brock_Savage@reddit
No lawyer would take this case. Every state except Montana is an "at will" employment state meaning that an employer can fire someone for any reason or no reason at all. There are, of course, exceptions but it is unlikely OP qualifies unless they omitting some crucial detail.
MagnumPIsMoustache@reddit
All these Reddit lawyers crack me up. They have no clue.
daphatty@reddit
For any legal reason.
But as other have pointed out, no lawyer would take this case with so little information.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
Ironically it’s a contract position. So I don’t have much recourse
app_generated_name@reddit
Consultations are typically free. You lose nothing if you seek a consultation.
VerdantField@reddit
I would just work 🤷♀️
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
I feel broken. I took care of my mom for 18 months and since I just can’t really handle much
VerdantField@reddit
Aww that’s a really hard situation. Give yourself patience and time to heal, you will meet helpful people and things will get better.
demona2002@reddit
Sending you love and support. I’m sure it’s been such a tough time.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
So much tough
sits_with_cats@reddit
You need to consider the cost of Healthcare along with living expenses. Even bare bones catastrophic coverage from healthcare.gov can run $1k/month - & that's with a five digit deductible!
DetroitsGoingToWin@reddit
I’m sorry, my mom passed a little over a year ago. I’m in your gang, if they come after us one of us, they come after them all.
AppliedCarbon@reddit
Did you punch the guy or something? Unless you over reacted we aren't getting the whole story
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
I updated above nothing physical
AppliedCarbon@reddit
I don't think any HR would fire you after he made a slight at your mother. Screaming sick your dick is insane though bro.
Seems like you got a lot more issues then just getting fired. You seemingly have a spending issue.
whistlepig4life@reddit
OP forget the financial choices here. Star with talking to an attorney about wrongful termination. If you went and yelled whatever expletives outside the building due to a verbal altercation or harassment from your boss you likely have a good chance of getting financial compensation. Start there.
You want to defend and honor your mom? Start with defending yourself.
Ok-meow@reddit
I would do it but get a little fulfilling job. Get your joy back.
BeerMoustache@reddit
Great advice. Either this or just take some time off for self care and then jump back into the job pool
panic_bread@reddit
You need to talk to a financial planner and get some kind of job.
Hobobo2024@reddit
maybe you should speak to a retirement planner. I feel like we don't know enough to give a good answer even if we were knowledgeable enough to give you advice.
like how much is this rental property worth? how much is the mortgage on it? how much does it generate in a month? Is it making enough profit even after considering the expenses it'll incur to make it worth keeping?
I myself do not know what country you live in even and why this 62 is such a magic number. does healthcare and retirement get covered completely at that time. Basically, we just don't know anything so peoples advice here cannot help you.
I think you should have your fiance move in to share costs no matter what though just so you can save sone money. And i would not make yourself dependent on his/her money or you wont be able to leave if things go bad.
Would you be happier getting a part time job no brain job instead of working a fulltime one? could you afford that?
notevenapro@reddit
Reality check if you are in the US. Medicare is not until 65. If you are in the US I would go back to work. Not only that but your soc sec check is based upon the money you made. You have 15 years left to build up that.
$800 a month is not enough money even if your home is paid off. I am sorry about your mom but you need to get working. I would also get some grief counseling my friend. Losing a parent is hard enough, but watching it day to day like you did is a whole nother level of grief you need to deal with.
Pugs_in_Space@reddit
Hi friend, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. Getting fired from the job sucks but doesn't sound like much of a "loss". Before you sell the rental property, figure out how many of your current expenses you are currently writing off. It may be worth it to keep the house and the write-offs and try to find work as an Amazon/Uber/Door Dash driver. Good luck to you.
let-it-rain-sunshine@reddit
RE not FI
Dry-Character-6331@reddit
Can you sue for unfair firing?
Brock_Savage@reddit
All states except Montana are "at will" employment states meaning that an employer can fire someone for any reason or no reason at all. There are, of course, exceptions but it is unlikely OP qualifies unless they omitting some crucial detail.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
Nope you are correct. At will and year to year contract employee I took a leave so I have one more year of my contract. Currently unemployed… will be employed and unemployed again within the year. It’s a triple whammy of sorts. I’m trying to shield my position etc…
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
No it’s a contract position to keep it vague
Dry-Character-6331@reddit
That's too bad. Ten years is a long time to "live lean", especially if you're counting on SS at 62. That's no longer a safe bet...
Recklusive@reddit
Bet that was a satisfying beating you gave him.
whyarewetrying@reddit (OP)
It literally felt like a weight was off my shoulders