Autism In The UK is it harder to have catch social cues or is it easier?

Posted by misterid10t@reddit | AskABrit | View on Reddit | 34 comments

i live in the usa and am an american i will struggle to catch some social cues

i have also watched freddie ellison and evan edinger on youtube and evan is and american expat and freddie is a full on brit and i have never been to the uk but also they have never talked about autism in the uk based on what anyone knows is it harder if it is how is it harder and what might i have to adjust to if i in the future wanted to move and successfully live there

if anything i could just live in canada if i wanted to move

[-]

SmashedWorm64@reddit

It has suddenly just dawned on me that I treat Americans and Autistic people the same…

[-]

fezzuk@reddit

There are some jokes here I'm not sure I should make.

[-]

screwthedamnname@reddit

Being overly direct can often be seen as rude in the UK (or atleast in England) so people beat around the bush a lot, and talk around what they want to say. I have an american friend who's autistic and she absolutely loves living in Germany, as they are very direct in contrast.

[-]

Astr0Scot@reddit

That beating around the bush bit is probably more prevalent in the SE of England/the home counties. It's kind of the opposite of what it's often like in Scotland where we can be very to the point. I presume the north of England is a bit more like that too from what I know of it. Perhaps parts of Wales and NI too. Certainly NI reminds me of Scotland in many ways for obvious reasons.

[-]

screwthedamnname@reddit

Haha I actually grew up in the SE so this tracks. I actually moved up to the midlands and had a hard time not reading any bluntness/directness as a sign of annoyance or anger.

[-]

daniluvsuall@reddit

I’m from the SE also living in the NW I always liked how genuine and warm northerners are. I gelled with it really quickly as I was more like that anyway

[-]

screwthedamnname@reddit

Oh don't get me wrong, I absolutely agree- my experience of northerners and those in the midlands has been that they are absolutely much nicer and friendlier that those in the SE. I went to a uni in the midlands which was full of southerners and ended up only hanging out with locals from my part-time job rather than the other students. But the straightfowardness was a big adjustment in the beginning.

[-]

Astr0Scot@reddit

Yeah that sounds about right as I've struggled with folks from the SE of England not really being able to process Scottish to the pointness.

I blame Hugh Grant and Billy Connolly.

[-]

dreadlockholmes@reddit

I'd say it's more regional than even than. In England Lancashire is quite direct. In Scotland Glaswegians are pretty direct. West Highland folk though, for example, are less direct.

I'd also say there's a class divide with more working class folk being more direct too, and more politeness/ beating round the bush the posher you get.

[-]

reverendhunter@reddit

As a Scot i can confirm, if a random stranger was annoying me, id tell them to stop annoying me.

[-]

Samovila2709@reddit

Funnily enough, I tend to be 'overly' polite out of fear of causing offence, despite being a Northerner, and I strongly suspect I'm autistic.

I can't always tell if people just have a blunt Northern way of speaking or if they're actually being 'off' with me (I get quite a bit of the latter, but not as much as some autistic people).

[-]

Justan0therthrow4way@reddit

I’m Australian but lived in the UK. We tend to say it like it is whereas I definitely noticed British colleagues didn’t.

One of my friends got told off by their boss for being too direct.

[-]

AcceptablePlant685@reddit

One can b direct without insulting, personally prefer direct.

[-]

FitSolution2882@reddit

Depends.

I have both Autism and ADHD and find the Dutch/Germany directness extremely rude.

At the same time I hate our small talk obsession.

[-]

daniluvsuall@reddit

See I love the Germans for this. They say what they mean. It can feel a bit cold but that’s just the British social etiquette nibbling at me.

Also AuADHD

[-]

Mr_Coastliner@reddit

I think there's a lot of tonality and sarcasm involved. I mean I've been on US trips and called by work colleagues all sorts of expletives and initially they thought i just hated them (and they didn't have autism).

[-]

RegularWhiteShark@reddit

I'm autistic and very sarcastic. Sometimes I wonder if I don't struggle with it precisely because it's so common in the UK.

[-]

JCDU@reddit

Mixed bag I'd say - the Brits love understatement, sarcasm, and self-deprecation which has good & bad points.

Americans can be very full-on and exhausting for example serving staff being excessively friendly & bubbly is just very hard work - I want them to take my order, serve my food, and f*** off quietly not engage me in fake conversation about my day. On the plus side the simpler and more direct approach may be appreciated by some.

[-]

ReplacementOne8118@reddit

Showing off is not on over here but it’s the thing in America to broadcast your achievements

[-]

reverendhunter@reddit

And your autism

[-]

Snowy_Sasquatch@reddit

I think moving to another country is always an adjustment so you can get away with a lot, especially initially.

Autism definitely is talked about in the UK and there are laws to support you with reasonable adjustments at work.

[-]

Disastrous_Cloud_558@reddit

Punctuation helps.

[-]

BookishHobbit@reddit

I can imagine it’d be hard if you moved here from elsewhere, yes.

The humour is super dry - it’s rare I get through a day without slipping up even though I’ve grown up with it - and we also use a shitload of idioms which a lot of autistic folks struggle with.

If you struggle with it in the us, it will be harder here, definitely, but I wouldn’t decide against living somewhere because of that.

[-]

PetersMapProject@reddit

I'll recommend a book called Watching The English by Kate Fox.

Autistic people here have plenty of struggles of their own, and you'd be starting without the benefit of having grown up here. There's lots of euphemisms, idioms and nuances that people struggle with.

A common one foreigners, including Americans, struggle with is "alright?" - it's a greeting, not a genuine enquiry as to your wellbeing. The correct response is "yeah, alright, you?" or simply "alright?"

[-]

incongruity@reddit

A common one foreigners, including Americans, struggle with is "alright?" - it's a greeting, not a genuine enquiry as to your wellbeing. The correct response is "yeah, alright, you?" or simply "alright?"

It's funny because "How are you?" is a greeting in the US and if one were to actually respond truthfully, it'd get very awkward, very quickly. Sounds like the exact same thing, just with fewer syllables.

[-]

Illustrious-Divide95@reddit

Autism is widely discussed and diagnosed in the UK

Having a daughter with Borderline Autism i would argue that it's so "over" diagnosed that people who are high functioning are included with those who have immediate and more severe needs, so people can be a bit dismissive about it.

The concept of the "Spectrum" is becoming a bit contentious as it seems to include a vast range of autistic symptoms and severity. (One of the doctors who came up with the "spectrum" has come out questioning the concept's application today

[-]

AcceptablePlant685@reddit

Worked with those with autism over 20 years, taught alot and learned even more. Hv cousin whom I believe is high functioning, academically high, but social cues questionable, doesnt pick up on cues, takes much said the wrong way, tiring having to walk on shells around her.

[-]

ICantBelieveItsNotEC@reddit

Autistic Brit here. I'd say that you win some and you lose some.

The English Understatement definitely causes communication problems. We're a high context culture, so a lot of our communication relies on nonverbal ques. British people pretty much always default to a state of apathy, so you have to work hard to figure out how serious they really are.

On the other hand, the British love of sarcasm and banter makes it much easier to wriggle out of a social faux pas. If you accidentally misjudge where the line is and offend someone, people are usually fairly understanding, because even neurotypical people misjudge banter sometimes. I find it really difficult to converse with Americans because they're so uptight and they take everything far too seriously - offending an American usually means making a big, dramatic apology afterward, rather than just taking a comeback and laughing it off.

[-]

No_Bullfrog_6474@reddit

i’m autistic and i’ve never been in the usa for long enough to have much of an idea of how different the autistic experience is there, but sarcasm being such a big thing here is definitely a struggle sometimes. i mean, i also love being sarcastic, i’m as british as the rest so it’s just as ingrained in me, but especially if i’m tired/distracted/under the weather i’m more likely to miss more subtle sarcasm from others. and i’ve also had the opposite a fair few times where someone else will be sarcastic with me, i’ll get it and play along, but they don’t get that i’m also being sarcastic back! i never know why that happens, idk if that’s an autism thing. it’s not just people knowing i sometimes miss sarcasm cos it happens with both people who know that and people who don’t (plus i react differently when i don’t get it)

[-]

Azuras-Becky@reddit

There's a hefty dose of sarcasm, irony, and a lot of euphemistic speech in British parlance that you might struggle with. People tend to be a lot less direct than in other cultures.

For example, a common informal greeting is "alright?" The person saying that doesn't actually want to know if you're alright, they're just saying hello. Or if you're a guest and the host wants you to leave, they'll rarely actually tell you to leave, but instead say something like "it's getting late isn't it?" If someone thinks you've done something bad, they'll instead sarcastically say "well done", if they're being unusually polite and formal it's probably insincere and they mean the opposite, etc etc.

I expect most Americans face a learning curve when coming to Britain, autism probably won't do you many favours in that regard!

[-]

RiverTadpolez@reddit

I'm not sure what you're asking.

I think Scottish culture is quite plain speaking and direct so it can be a bit easier to understand what's going on socially there compared to some areas of the UK.

[-]

If so, upvote this comment!

Otherwise, downvote this comment!

And if it does break the rules, downvote this comment and report this post!