Does anyone else struggle to date while living in Dallas due to driving requirements? Women, could you date a man without a license and a low income?
Posted by Positive_freedback@reddit | Dallas | View on Reddit | 57 comments
I have lived in the DFW area for over 15 years now as an adult (I'm 33). I have never had a car / driver's license due to medical reasons.
As a result, I will Uber, take dart, ride a bike, walk, or get rides from family and friends. Usually my dad and I will schedule a hangout and afterwords we will both get groceries for the week together.
Unfortunately, my dating life has suffered from this as a result. My income is fairly low ($40k a year as a reseller of books), no college degree, and no car.
I will get a first date and when I show up in my Uber or bicycle, I think they immediately get the "ick" as there is no second date.
I have never had a girlfriend despite being on the dating apps in Dallas since I was 18.
Do you have any advice or suggestions? Anyone in a similar position who has successfully dated without a car?
6oly9od@reddit
Dating is a luxury. You needa be figuring out a way to improve your life instead of thinking bout women.
Also even without a car, at least go get a DL in your spare time. Being licensed at least provides you options, you can always rent one or borrow one if needed.
Also a grom or similar small bike can be found for 2k in good condition. Fuel efficient, can be stored indoors, and has a fun form factor. But yeah, worry about improving your finances first and foremost
FaxxMaxxer@reddit
Dating is not a luxury, or shouldn’t be. Totally ridiculous. OP makes around the median income in DFW, so you’re essentially telling the average Dallasite that they’re economic underlings unworthy of dating.
I went back to school in my mid 20’s because living/dating/thriving are admittedly hard to do on $40k in DFW, but still absolutely possible given they find the right person. It can absolutely be done.
hprather1@reddit
OP makes less than the DFW income per capita by about 10% at the age of 33. Per capita income includes everyone at least 18 and up (might even be 15), even people who don't work. So it's really not the right metric here. You went back to school in your mid 20s, OP is 33. OP needs to work on himself.
Of course OP could find some as they are but OP would open up so many more options by getting a better job and getting a license.
lucidJG@reddit
Why should forming a relationship with someone depend making a high income? This sounds kind of transactional. I admit $40k is pretty low, but not everyone is obliged to make six figures just to function as a human being.
Broad_Mushroom_8033@reddit
It shouldn't, but unfortunately income is a big deal, probably near the top of priorities, and a requirement (spoken/unspoken) for many.
hprather1@reddit
OP could double their income and still be under 6 figures which you brought up - I didn't. Money is one of the biggest problems in relationships. It makes every bit of sense to minimize its potential to be a problem.
6oly9od@reddit
I agree it shouldnt be, but you said it yourself, its a struggle.
FaxxMaxxer@reddit
A struggle largely because of judgments and attitudes surrounding economic status.
With open minded women who aren’t as status conscious, the struggle wasn’t dating, it was everything else. OP just needs to find someone who values them for reasons other than their income.
pmmeurbassethound@reddit
If a man is struggling that much with his income, women worry if this guy can even afford the condoms. And when he can't, forget about contributing to an out of state procedure or god forbid the diapers and baby formula. Then he's gonna bitch for 18 years about the child support he also can't afford to pay.
All that for a woman to buy her own McDonald's and receive mediocre sex where she probably didn't even orgasm.
But sure. Women are "status conscious."
Dating and sex ARE luxuries. Because they can get really expensive in about 15 minutes.
FaxxMaxxer@reddit
Companionship is one of the most fundamental and primal aspects of being a human being. A requisite for self-actualization or fulfillment for some. Do you not understand how absurd you sound telling a guy who makes nearly the median income that he isn’t worthy of that? Because of his finances?
Tell me, which countries and demographics globally have the highest rates of children being born? It’s unilaterally the poorest. And don’t get it twisted, I didn’t say women were status conscious, I said some women. The same kind of people who think OP isn’t worthy of love because of his income.
pmmeurbassethound@reddit
Don't you dare put words in my mouth. I never said anything about being worthy of love and you damn well know it.
But once again the man is whining about "companionship" after I literally explained to you in small words the exact same dynamic has far greater impact on women.
Take your sealion arguments and entitled behavior to someone who will be too ignorant to understand better. Oh and btw the answer to your question isn't just "the poorest." It's also the least educated. But we can all see that's how you like 'em.
ThatDjAWK@reddit
Median income in dallas is low $68k and high 75k..
Positive_freedback@reddit (OP)
I mean that's the issue right? I can't get a driver's license if I can't safely pass a driving test.
Honestly it was one of my driving teachers that said I might be unfit to drive. I just have a medical issue that makes me a liability to driving.
6oly9od@reddit
May I ask whay health condition allows you to ride a bike (presumably on the roads) but not drive? I definitely appreciate you not risking everyone else's lives if you truly are a liability to drive, however I do think your dating pool will expand as your income grows.
Positive_freedback@reddit (OP)
I ride my bike on the sidewalks or bike trails 90% of the time.
And I have the medical condition of being an absolute moron when it comes to quick decisions.
In more serious terms, I have autism. And it impacts my ability to make safe, safe, and sensible decisions. On a bike, this isn't that big of a deal. In a car? I almost hit 20 people when trying to learn before calling it quits. I am unsafe behind the wheel.
Because of my autism, I take longer to process what is happening around me. I often need people to repeat what they said multiple times. Having a slow reaction time is dangerous if you need to pay attention and react to things in real time.
There are too many things to pay attention to, different things to remember. I get overwhelmed easily and shut down. And then I'm also behind the wheel of a 3 ton death machine.
I have turned left on a red light thinking I was turning right on the red light and then did a freeze response in the middle of an intersection stopping traffic in all directions.
Dallas is full of bad drivers. You don't need me to add to this population. Trust me.
Corgisarethebest123@reddit
I think if you really put your mind to it & worked at it you would be able to drive. Just do a bunch of driving school practice. Turning left on red that happens when you’re new to driving. I did it once, almost got into an accident & never forgot it again. That’s life. You learn through trial & error.
6oly9od@reddit
Right on, thank you for being aware enough.
Im sorry for my original comment.
Unfortunately I have no helpful words for your situation, but wish you the best of luck.
Jernbek35@reddit
Assuming epilepsy as I had an ex who was a liability and couldn’t get a license either.
Corgisarethebest123@reddit
The thing is I think you can safety pass a driving test if you can already ride a bicycle?
Positive_freedback@reddit (OP)
Key difference is that I ride my bike on the sidewalks not the highways.
Corgisarethebest123@reddit
Driving a vehicle is statistically safer per mile traveled than riding a bicycle due to the protective shell, airbags, & other safety features of a car.
Positive_freedback@reddit (OP)
I don't really care about myself in this situation. Who cares if I am well protected if the other person gets destroyed as a result of my poor decisions?
Corgisarethebest123@reddit
So you’re scared of driving on the highway? You can overcome that fear.
Jazz-8911@reddit
Falling off a bike that is going 10-13 mph while wearing a helmet is completely different than driving at much greater speeds…
Corgisarethebest123@reddit
Driving a vehicle is safer & easier than riding a bike?
Jazz-8911@reddit
I would not feel comfortable with him getting a DL knowing that he can’t drive for medical reasons nor hop on a grom with him. I’d prefer to be the main driver or have him figure out his way to get around via Uber/ Lyft
Jazz-8911@reddit
I think it’s the not having the car and low income. I went out on a few dates with a guy with no car in Dallas but I’m also from nyc so it was not a deal breaker for me. The low income part though is what would give me pause…. Unfortunately low income only works when you’re in your 20s figuring your life out…the alternative is to also find someone in your similar income level and explaining that you don’t have a car due to medical reasons early on, the right woman/person will not mind that and will work with you
arlenroy@reddit
I'm late to the party with this thread, but you made a great example, low income as a young adult is almost a given. You're trying to figure things out, build a career, or find a career. I attempted to get into the dating scene in my late 20's when I had no business to do so, just came out of a divorce and did not have my shit together, at all. You have to bring something to the table in a relationship, because relationships are give and take, each person will make some type of sacrifice. If you don't have anything to offer, then you're asking the other person to make sacrifices without reason, and that's not fair to them. It's a hard truth to accept, that if you're not in the position to be in a relationship then don't try to force it. It will never work.
IMnotGARBAGE@reddit
Just scrolled past a pen-pal Facebook page. Men with life in prison had beautiful women, who they never met in person send them money and offer to marry them. In the words of a old poet, Sir Snoop Dogg: The game is to be sold, not to be told. Church.
Competitive_Event948@reddit
Instead of riding up in a bike, let them know your situation beforehand. Be honest, be straight. If they accept you for you, then that's great, but if not then no big deal. It is what it is. Secondly, if you aren't trying to get car, then accept the fact that it's going to always be difficult to date comfortably.
Positive_freedback@reddit (OP)
I have honestly accepted the fact that I won't be in a romantic relationship at this point and it is extremely sad and depressing.
LumpyPhilosopher8@reddit
Maybe what you need is to get more comfortable socializing with people. If you've only ever tried to date via apps, there may be some gaps in your social skills. And practicing those skills might help. Since you ride bikes, maybe a bike riding club? Maybe try doing some volunteering? Maybe attend some open mic events if you're interested in music, or poetry. Think about the things that interest you and start there. You're more likely to find someone with common interests if you actively pursuing those things.
External_Weekend_935@reddit
Is there something that's preventing you from furthering your education? College isn't for everyone, but is there a trade you would like to get into to earn you more income?
Positive_freedback@reddit (OP)
I'm not struggling on the income side of things. I would say I have engineered my working to be around 2x my expenses.
The most I have made was around $80k, saving a significant amount of that money, but the year went by super quickly.
So now I try to hit my target and as soon as I hit it, I take the rest of the month off.
$40K is pretty comfortable right now given the amount of free time I have.
JustMyThoughts2525@reddit
You’re going to have to just keep adjusting your standards until you find someone that you’re compatible with that accepts you for you.
Dallas is a very car dependent city, so yes you would be less desirable to date. If you can’t drive at all, you should consider city that isn’t as car centric if you have the opportunity to move.
Positive_freedback@reddit (OP)
Dallas has a lot more going for it as far as accessibility. The dart train is cheap and decent for what it is.
The other cities tend to be NYC, Chicago, San Fran, etc and income is much more of a factor to live well.
I can make $40k a year in Dallas and still save like 50%. That would be difficult in the other cities.
MyDentistIsACat@reddit
Given this comment, do you live with parents or other family? This could also be something that isn’t helping you out.
Positive_freedback@reddit (OP)
I have a house in the suburbs that I bought 10 years ago with the help of family co-signing on it. My mortgage payment is $700 a month.
Comfortable-Name3859@reddit
Activity-based dates are way better than sitting across from someone at a restaurant anyway. sandbox VR in Southlake is great for this because you're actually doing something together instead of just talking. The multiplayer VR stuff naturally creates conversation and you can tell a lot about someone by how they handle teamwork in a game. Plus it gives you something to talk about after. It's not cheap but it's more memorable than another dinner at a place in Deep Ellum.
jimmywatters@reddit
At least your getting dates lol I was born ugly and can’t even get to a first date or match
ReefLedger@reddit
I haven't had a car in over 15 years and I've been very successful.
Positive_freedback@reddit (OP)
What has been your keys to success?
ReefLedger@reddit
Recognizing its not a big deal. I have an annual DART pass and can get anywhere with an Uber also. Dont use apps. Establish attraction in person first before the topic of a vehicle ever comes up. If its a deal breaker for her after that, move on.
Competitive_Event948@reddit
You can be and will be, you just need to be upfront. I have been married for ten years now. Didn't have a car, had a date with my present wife, and we have been together ever since. It's not a car that makes a man, it's his heart and genuine determination to succeed. I dont lack in confidence, and you have to believe in yourself.
admiralfrosting@reddit
Bro. This is a lot to unpack. I don’t think not having a car is your biggest issue here.
Maybe try to join some community group or shared interest groups as a starting point. What gives me a bit of pause, is that you indicated you never dated anyone when you were younger. It is true that in our 30’s especially in Dallas, people have certain lifestyle expectations but those aren’t typically present when you are 18. I’m not trying to be rude here, but maybe look at how you have been approaching dating as a whole.
Positive_freedback@reddit (OP)
The car thing was a pretty big deal when I was younger too. But I have only used the dating apps to date, I never approached women in-person (not even during college).
bemvee@reddit
I have a friend who had zero issues dating and he lived with parents and didn’t drive up until recently. He wasn’t ever on the dating apps, though. He met them organically at the places he frequently hangs out in.
Positive_freedback@reddit (OP)
I see, I guess that makes sense. I have only used the dating apps and never approached women organically.
I_SmellFuckeryAfoot@reddit
as a i guy i would kinda struggle to date a girl without a license and low income.
BrightAardvark@reddit
Is this a repost from a while back? Sounds so familiar.
dddonnanoble@reddit
Yes it is
Unhappy-Meat-4641@reddit
Had the same thought. If not, that link may be helpful for OP. I recall it having a lot of honest and helpful advice.
rhcherry@reddit
Would you love me if I was on the bus?
DobleWho@reddit
IUnderstoodThatReference.gif
MyDentistIsACat@reddit
I think if I knew it was for medical reasons and you were accustomed to getting around on your own I wouldn’t care that you don’t drive. If I thought you just didn’t want to drive and expected me to become your chauffeur, I would care. If you’re comfortable mentioning that you can’t drive due to medical reasons on the dating apps, I would put it. If not, that’s also completely understandable.
I think the income may be more of a hindrance. I was never one to expect men to pay for dates in my single days but if I wanted to go out to a specific restaurant or go to an event or something, I would be concerned that you couldn’t pay your way. Free/cheap dates are great but sometimes you just want to go out for a fancy dinner or something with the guy you’re seeing.
entropicitis@reddit
You're a beer league guy trying to pitch in the majors
christopherb1897@reddit
🤣🤣🤣🤣