Does anyone feel like they chose the wrong country at first?
Posted by freshstartsticks@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 66 comments
Posted by freshstartsticks@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 66 comments
SwissMiss2022@reddit
When I moved from the US to Japan, I never questioned my decision. I spent almost 5 years there and enjoyed it. I moved to Switzerland eight years ago. We have regretted it for the last seven years. We are leaving in 3 months
NoIGnoTwitsNOtktk@reddit
For Japan?
SwissMiss2022@reddit
Back to the US
Embarrassed_Key_4539@reddit
Yikes sorry to hear that. It’s bad here.
Any-Assistance-8103@reddit
The president is bad. It’s still a nice place to live. All the dooming on Reddit is so tired. Fuck trump but it has never been a better time to be alive
palbuddy1234@reddit
I'm curious of the differences as both CH and Japan have a very specific ways of doing things and for better or worse a strong rules based society. Also I would imagine in Japan like in Switzerland always a foreigner with very, very few ways to be accepted. FWIW I'm in Switzerland now, and lived in China.
SwissMiss2022@reddit
There are also a ton of Americans where I was residing in Japan. I was also able to make friends there and felt accepted. Most locals could see I was trying to be respectful, kind, and putting in a lot of effort. It's a very different vibe here. Acceptance for my kiddo and me isn't going to happen. Ever. I'd rather be back in the USA any day.
palbuddy1234@reddit
Thanks for your contribution. I always remember an expat/immigrant that talked about applying for a job in Zurich. He was told that his resume was perfect, except he didn't speak German. 5 years later, he attained the level of C2 German and applied again. He was told he didn't know Swiss German. 2 years later, he attained that certificate too. He applied again, and finally HR said, 'well, actually we need someone with native-like Swiss German'. I get the need for integration, but Switzerland seems to always be moving the goal posts and it's just out of reach.
I always wonder about the Swiss that move to Thailand for their retirement. Do they learn Thai? Do they integrate with such enthusiasm? My guess from who I've talked to, is they are in a bubble, much like we are.
Anyway, best of luck back in the US.
Particular-System324@reddit
That's a bit strange. What certificate did they obtain for Swiss German? None exist, afaik. I could be wrong.
Not being accepted in Swiss society unless you speak native-like Swiss German (and preferably look like one) is something I have no trouble believing. But the finance sector in Zurich (at least before the UBS CS merger and the shitshow job market of the last few years) has traditionally hired a lot from abroad, including Germans who spoke no Swiss German.
SwissMiss2022@reddit
Why doesn't that surprise me? I appreciate your kind words. 87 days to sell the house and everything in it 💙
dontalkaboutpoland@reddit
Switzerland is usually mentioned as a dream destination for many people in my circle. Could you tell us why it was difficult for you guys?
SwissMiss2022@reddit
It's a dream until reality hits. My husband took a lot of heat and nasty comments for leaving Switzerland for years and returning. I don't know why some of his former colleagues viewed this as a betrayal. It's been a lot of little things for me. I immediately started learning the language when we arrived. When I couldn't yet speak the language, people who are fluent in English would completely ignore me, only speaking to my husband. Once I completed schooling, there were constant comments about my horrible American accent. Then came the constant negative comments about Americans in general. I've been told to go back where I came from on multiple occasions. Our son has been insulted constantly for being an American. Now the majority of his class refers to him as an American Natzi. Those are just a few things.
dontalkaboutpoland@reddit
Thanks for sharing what you went through.
Unfair-Flower5687@reddit
This tracks with everything I have heard from other Swiss immigrants, which is too bad. Good luck with the move!
Upbeat-Pace2984@reddit
I moved from China to Ireland 3.5 years ago, I've only been to Sweden before that and I genuinely thought Dublin would be like Stockholm, I was wrong. I travelled to many places in the EU now and it's fair to say Ireland is not perfect. Day by day I'm closer to the citizenship and I'm seriously thinking of settling down but it's so hard to make up my mind.
I can see myself living in Vienna and Dusseldorf but the idea of starting over, the current job market, the language, they all scare me. I'm now miserable in Ireland, as miserable as I was in China. (Please don't jump on me on the CCP and shit, not today)
Rusky772@reddit
Mind if I ask why Ireland isn’t feeling right for you? I think I probably idealize the place quite a bit as an American
Upbeat-Pace2984@reddit
Each to their own I guess. I've actually came across many posts on how Ireland is americanized on how they talk, being car-dependent, etc. You have to see it on your own I suppose.
Unfair-Flower5687@reddit
We are in Berlin and on the way to citizenship here, but we sometimes think about moving to Ireland in years to come. The car-dependent thing is the main reason we hesitate. It also just feels isolated somehow. I’d be curious if you want to share more about the pros and cons of Ireland, especially since we seem to want to change places! :)
Upbeat-Pace2984@reddit
These are just my stupid opinion:
Pros:
Cons:
Unfair-Flower5687@reddit
Thanks for sharing! Very good to get an insight from someone there. You cannot beat German construction and windows! :D And housing overall is more affordable here for the quality than what we see in Ireland. The English speaking part and general friendliness are the main reasons we would still consider Ireland. I hope you can be happy there, or can shift over here after you get citizenship.
Full_Perspective820@reddit
Moved from Germany to the UK 1.5 years ago for a new job. Our social life has improved but standard of living has dropped significantly. The country's outlook does not look good.
Not planning to stay in the UK long term.
Unfair-Flower5687@reddit
oof. I am applying for UK jobs from Germany now, and this is exactly what we expect to happen. Better social life, but worse housing, food, everything else. Sounds like we are anticipating right. sigh.
Full_Perspective820@reddit
Is there a specific reason as to why do you want to move to the UK?
Unfair-Flower5687@reddit
Yes, primarily to let my partner work. He cannot find work in Germany in his field, and any job here is hard without fluent German. He is making do, but could easily get good work in the UK. We also have close friends there. And we love many things about the UK, but we have gotten a bit spoiled in Germany! We will not be sad if we stay in Germany, many things are good here for us, but other important things will be much better if we move to the UK. Do you know where you will go next?
Artistic-Turnip-9903@reddit
i did the opposite moved to london lived 10 years then in germany since 6 I think I found the country for me but I do miss parts of london for sure
_karamelqueen@reddit
I chose Portugal. I chose it cuz it’s warm and supposedly diverse. I loved it at first… only seeing it from the eyes of a newcomer/ tourist. After 6 months and moving… I started seeing the real. And after one year now… I don’t like it here at all. I’m not going to bore you and list all the reasons why. But, I am not aligned with Portugal/ Lisbon. This city is too small and I’m too big for it. So, yeah I’ve outgrown it already in just one year!
ArgentumFist@reddit
What did you not like about it specifically if you don't mind me asking? Portugal is in my top 3 right now to move to.
_karamelqueen@reddit
Well, everybody is different some people love it here others don’t. The image that they sell you about PT is not true. It’s cold and very cold for most of the year. The winter is brutal. Homes are colder inside than they are outside. People are NOT friendly, it’s actually the opposite. Many people are close minded and are anti a lot of things. Esp with the rise of facisim here in PT, oh yeah you can’t forget RACIST and xenophobic. The beaches are cold that isn’t too bad. The only time that this place is tolerable is the spring/ summer. But, everything is jam packed with tourists. You can’t live for the summer. The capital Lisbon is small asf. And if you need help with anything getting someone to fix something or the bureaucracy good luck with that!
_KDCP19Z@reddit
Omg, so much yes.
I moved to Poland 3.5 years ago. I still don't know any Polish (work takes up all my time) and don't have any friends.
Getting citizenship is important to me, in Poland it takes at least 8 years. If I were in Germany, I would have had a permanent residence card by now and be on my way to citizenship within the next 1.5 years.
I feel like I have sunk too much time here to move somewhere else and start afresh again, so I might just stick around.
Particular-System324@reddit
Can you not find an expat circle to solve at least the friendship problem?
bigopossums@reddit
Yes, I moved to Germany 4 years ago. I know now that Germany is not where I want to live. It's just a chapter in my life, and for now I try to look at what I do have rather than what I don't have, but this is not always easy. I really knew I didn't want to live here more permanently when I got past the settling in phase and finished my Master's, easing into a more regular adult life. I realized I have 0 passion for the language (I studied French for nearly a decade, by contrast), the weather mentally drags me down, socializing is tough, and Berlin is too rough around and edges and ugly for me.
You aren't obligated to like every place but in the beginning I think it's important to let yourself sit with your feelings and understand what you do and don't like and why.
Unfair-Flower5687@reddit
yes, similar for us. Two years in, we first lived in Munich which we did not like at all. We are in Berlin now and do like Berlin, but we do not feel like we will ever really be at home in Germany somehow. Not in any rush to leave, and even hoping to get our citizenship, but it is tough to feel settled here.
Dense-Blacksmith-713@reddit
Same here
elborneBCN@reddit
Similar boat. Will you make plans to go back to the US or another country?
bigopossums@reddit
I work in the international development sector so my original plan was to go work for USAID if I didn't want to stay in Germany but now that is not possible and the DC job market is a bloodbath now. And as an American, I am at a slight disadvantage trying to work at the UN in NY vs. other duty stations (I also wouldn't want to be in NY on a single income.)
I have a Blue Card in Germany so that is a big plus. Just kinda making the most out of life wherever I can now and focusing on myself and my wellbeing. I always preferred Paris and my partner is French, so my longer term plans include applying at the OECD/Interpol, finding a role in Bonn or remote that will allow me to live closer to France, or staying put for now and moving if I marry my partner (which is a way longer-term thing and not really an option to depend on.)
CuriosTiger@reddit
At first, I was very happy with my choice of country. But I will say the USA in 2026 is a lot different from the USA in 1993.
I'd like the 1990s version back, please.
Unfair-Flower5687@reddit
Wouldn’t we all...
PerspectiveTiny9466@reddit
I lived in Ecuador, Costa Rica, and Mexico before Portugal. I absolutely loved all of them (originally from the US), but I'm so glad I continued to try new places. Portugal, for me, has the best of everything for my lifestyle, personality, and hobbies. It's also a great hub for European/African travel. The only challenge is how hard it is to get back to the Americas. My family is in Costa Rica, and I haven't seen them since we moved to Portugal.
I honestly can't imagine getting bored of Portugal or wanting to leave now that I'm here.
ArgentumFist@reddit
Where in Portugal? What are some of the best things about it? Portugal is in my top 3 and I'm from the US as well. Trying to get out with my family and want to make sure we pick the right place
Soulnomad1955@reddit
I moved to the Philippines in 2006, and I have felt at home ever since. What helped is that my wife is a Filipina, so there were few surprises when I arrived. In fact, going back to the US would be a bigger transition after 20 years.
freshstartsticks@reddit (OP)
We're a family of five that left UK and moved to Bulgaria, not sure if it's because of the location, but we're thinking that we've made the wrong decision.
LevHerceg@reddit
My ex moved to Bulgaria some 5-6 years ago from a less developed country than yours and less different from Bulgaria, so he experienced a way smoother change in compsrison to you and he is thinking about leaving now as well.
freshstartsticks@reddit (OP)
The economic changes is a little worrying.
Beneficial-Koala-670@reddit
Even many bulgarians complain about the quality of life there
freshstartsticks@reddit (OP)
That's a point - we're realising that too.
Amazing-Visual-2919@reddit
Bit confusing given your bio says you're in Turkey?
freshstartsticks@reddit (OP)
Read the reply
palbuddy1234@reddit
Can you elaborate on this? What were you expecting and how long have you been in country? Having a family abroad is a lot of variables and finances/education/health care is very important and learning Bulgarian. It's kind of telling that many Bulgarians move out of their country for various reasons to....well...the UK!
freshstartsticks@reddit (OP)
We left the UK and bought a house in Bulgaria… honestly, without much of a plan. I know that sounds a bit reckless, but the UK had reached a point where staying just wasn’t sustainable for us. So we sold most of our stuff, and when the chance came to leave, we took it. We didn’t want to waste money renting while house hunting, so we just went for it — bought a house in rural Bulgaria. Right now, it’s tricky. Part of how we’re feeling might just be the culture shock, or the fact that we haven’t fully settled into the system here yet. Or maybe it’s the location — rural life can be very different from what we imagined. It’s one thing to plan a move, and another to actually stand somewhere and think:
“If we commit here, this is the life we’ll be living every day.”
And that’s when the doubts creep in:
Are we choosing the right country for our kids’ education, safety, and social life?
Will our daily routines even work, or are we underestimating language, culture, or bureaucracy?
What compromises are we willing to make — and which ones might feel too much?
We’re realizing quickly that moving abroad isn’t just about visas or paperwork — it’s about predicting a lifestyle you haven’t lived yet. I’d love to hear from anyone with experience:
How did you know your country was the “right” choice for your family?
Did it take months or years to feel settled, or did you adjust as you went along?
What advice would you give families planning their first big move abroad?
Every perspective helps, especially for families trying to make these life-changing decisions.
palbuddy1234@reddit
Yeah, I think you are in culture shock and that's totally normal. I suppose you can't go back in time to change things, so this is now time for reflecting and seeing if this is doable. Going back is an option, though obviously with a lot of work and readjustment, but it's in an option. You probably did underestimate things, just a guess. A lot of it is personal and I can't answer for you. Red tape is life, especially with kids as my wife and I have huge todo lists and are constantly figuring out things and making mistakes along the way.
I'm on my third country, Switzerland and the only country of the three I'd bring a family. It's good for a family and my wife is by far the breadwinner, I have a very part time job that works with my two kids' schedule. My kids are 4 and 9 and every day is a bit more of an adjustment and figuring things out. It's certainly not easy or intuitive, and despite the reputation that Switzerland has, it's not all financial security and roses. It's the right choice as it's safe, stable, and allows us to build wealth...slower than the US...but good education and expensive but okayish health care.
Settled? No, we're always outsiders but have enough friends and family here to kind of do our own thing. People we know allow us to be ourselves and enjoy life on our collective terms. My 9 year old goes to birthday parties, my 4 year old has friends too.
My advice? Look before you leap, but that's past. Currently really assess things, look at what the needs are for you and your family. Look at your financial situation carefully. Look carefully at the healthcare for you and your kids as if something happens, it will be stressful and you don't want to doubt the intentions of your health care providers. My 4 year old has a condition that is manageable but expensive in our country, that's a big kick in the financial butt but at least manageable.
Look at what goals you want to have achieved in a month, three months, a year, long term goals. Are they possible? Can you work together with your spouse to achieve them? What education is available to your kids, will they be resentful being more Bulgarian than from the UK? DM me, but I have two kids running around, but it's not easy, nor will it be. Just push forward.
Early_Switch1222@reddit
i think there's a difference between choosing the wrong country and just being in the hardest phase of the adjustment. my first winter in the netherlands i genuinely thought i had ruined my life. i left greece where everything is loud and warm and familiar for this flat grey place where nobody talks to you on the street and the sun disappears at 4pm. i remember calling my mom crying saying i made a mistake and she was like "you said the same thing about your first year of uni and you ended up loving it"
she was right tbh. it took about 8 months before i stopped comparing everything to home and started seeing the place on its own terms. but i also dont have kids so i cant imagine how much harder that makes it. with a family you're not just adjusting yourself, you're watching your kids adjust too and that guilt must be intense. the rural part might be whats making it harder honestly, even in NL the smaller towns can feel isolating for foreigners, a city with other expat families could change everything
DoDoDooo@reddit
Bro the darkness in the winter hits hard. I almost prefer Canadian winters: colder but sunny and not nearly as damp.
freshstartsticks@reddit (OP)
We've not been to Canada yet, but we xan imagine.
Aggressive_Wait1733@reddit
We have been in Spain for 4 years and are still having trouble adjusting to a few things. We aren't going to leave, but are hoping moving out of Madrid to the coast this summer will help. Though, I never thought real estate agents could be worse than in Canada, but Spain takes it to another level.
walteuck@reddit
I felt the same way when I swapped the bustling streets of Tokyo for a quiet village in France. It's a wild ride but hang in there!
KostyaFedot@reddit
At first we choose Canada because it was easy. Well, not just us...
After this been kept at easy for twenty years for people who compared to us didn't have money, education, profession, crimes/health check and manners it didn't looked as country of our choice anymore.
tnvoipguy@reddit
How are people moving families so many times? Just curious what type of employment allows such variation and flexibility? Moving a family is typically very methodical…
Alternative_Use3266@reddit
i moved to the philippines and it was only good for like 6 months after that it got worst every year
Opposite-Ad8208@reddit
Yep, I moved from the UK to Spain, moved back, now have moved to Canada. Sometimes you have to try it out to see what your must haves are. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Double-Lettuce2472@reddit
No, not really, I guess. The plan initially was for me to move for my bachelor and then return to my home country. About a year and a half in I realized I had no intention of going back permanently. I remember wanting to go back home about 6 months in but I was struggling with a health condition and that was ruining my overview.
Unable_Tumbleweed364@reddit
I did for a while as I chose the U.S.! But not anymore.
Artistic-Turnip-9903@reddit
i need 6/12 months to really be able to figure out if i like a place or not as first year i find everything hard and annoying
Consistent-Barber428@reddit
In my experience it takes about 4 years to know. You have to get settled, make friends, learn the language, discover the secrets—good and bad—only the locals know before you can decide. Once all the excitement dies down, the truth is more apparent. And sometimes it may be as much about the region you pick as the country.
But you only have one life, so ya gotta keep on trying until you get it right. I’m going to leave Spain and try France or Ireland, as a, perhaps not useful, example.
Tiny_Major_7514@reddit
I'm an aussie living in the UK and have been here for years. I'm at the point where I'm starting to accept that I'll never know if I chose right, and if I should go back. I'm just telling myself life is a ride, and you gotta go with what you decided at the time!
AccountForDoingWORK@reddit
Lol yeah definitely. We left the US to head to the UK in 2020 because it was the most realistic available option for us to get out of the States (kids and I are citizens, not geographically isolated, etc). Now all of a sudden my spouse and kids are Canadians and we're now trying to figure out how to get over there. If Canada had been an option from the beginning we would have just done that. The UK was definitely not the best fit for us (I grew up here off and on and frankly it's pretty much just as I remembered).
freshstartsticks@reddit (OP)
That’s the part that worries me the most — always feeling like the outsiders. I totally get that every country has its own culture and ways of doing things, but we’re from Jamaica, where the culture is all about acceptance and just getting along. I really don’t want our kids to feel alienated; they need to be able to integrate and feel like part of society.
In Bulgaria, we do have some old friends, but for the kids, it’s harder — we haven’t really seen any peers they’d naturally click with, and that’s a bit concerning. That said, we’re staying positive and actively looking for ways to get involved in the community.
Right now we’re in Türkiye, and wow — the culture here is completely different from Bulgaria. People are really welcoming, and there are opportunities to make money too. That’s why this question keeps coming up for us. We don’t want to look back with regrets, so we’re trying to figure out how to make things work in Bulgaria while also appreciating the opportunities here in Türkiye.