I’m exhausted from feeling stared at, singled out, and dehumanized while traveling
Posted by ImSyntax__@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 151 comments
I’m in El Salvador right now and I’m honestly at my limit with how overwhelmed I feel.
I’m a Black man here with my girlfriend (she’s pale, Hispanic) and her child, and I already stand out everywhere I go. I expect some attention when you’re visibly different in a place, I get that. But what I’m dealing with feels like more than just curiosity at this point.
It’s constant staring. Like full-on long stares everywhere I go. People turning it into a whole thing when I’m just existing in public. I’ve had situations where I’m sitting down with my girlfriend and her family and I feel like people are treating me like I’m some kind of spectacle instead of a person just minding my business.
What really got to me recently is feeling like people are openly talking about me in Spanish, describing me, commenting on my appearance in real time, and assuming I don’t understand. I can hear them talking about “ El Negro”, then breaking down my features like my eyes nose, mouth and laughing. I do understand enough to know what’s being said, and it honestly feels dehumanizing as hell. I’ve even had moments where people are taking pictures of me without asking. I don’t have any disabilities or look abnormal from most of society. I’m literally just a black man from the states. Dark skin with a dark Caesar fade.
It’s been building up for days, and today I just snapped emotionally because it feels like I can’t exist in peace here without being observed, analyzed, or turned into a moment for other people.
Then when I reacted, I didn’t really feel supported in the way I needed in that moment, and now I just feel isolated in it all. This is when somebody was taking pictures of me and I told my girlfriend this pussy likes to take pictures of me. She responded by saying “Language!” because there were some kids around. My girlfriend apologized and said she wasn’t trying to dismiss me, but I still feel like there’s a gap between what I’m experiencing and what I’m getting back emotionally when I’m overwhelmed like this. i’m in a foreign country. I don’t fully speak a language, and my girlfriend is one of those people who would like to keep their head down and not stand out. She feels like I’ll be in prison for the rest of my life if I stand up for myself. and honestly, I don’t know if that’s really true but I’m starting to be pretty convinced.
I don’t even really know what I’m looking for by posting this. I think I just needed to get it out because holding it in is making me feel like I’m going crazy.
Has anyone dealt with something like this when traveling or being visibly different in a place for a long time?
Hofeizai88@reddit
I was on a date with a local girl and in the middle of dinner she just blurted out “I can’t do this.” There are a lot of reasons not to date me, but I was curious which one she chose. She gestured towards the window, where there was a group of people just staring at us like we were zoo animals. It hadn’t really registered, because it was an every day thing for me. This stuff sucks, but is part of life in some places. My wife just got used to it, because here in China is is endless staring, but not hostility. In some places it’s worse.
clove75@reddit
Honestly bro I understand. I am Black and a BIG guy. How do you think that played in Asia. You can't change other folks but you can change your attitude. My sister who was with me on the trip was way more annoyed by the people looking and coming up to me then I was. You have to understand it comes from isolation as you see more of the world you will see that some places have had very limited contact with Afro descendants. You can look at it as an attack but you can also turn it around into an opportunity to educate and make it a positive interaction. Wave, give a peace sign whatever is culturally appropriate. You are taking western baggage and looking at their actions through a lense that doesn't exist in their eyes. If you saw a purple person would you not stare and wonder why they were purple. It isn't coming form a place of hate. That is baggage many of us carry from living in oppressive societies. Mostly its coming from a place of wonder and even in a lot of cases admiration. I have been to 33 countries. But I don't close myself off when I travel and I only take the baggage I packed with the trip. We can never change someone else's action but we can change our energy and how we carry ourselves. I had to educate my sister on this and once she relaxed and really looked at the interactions it wasn't negative at all. She mistook genuine curiosity for racism because that is what she was just used to attention meaning back home. Not saying there aren't racist people or places in other countries. It exists everywhere. But I don't feel like thats what you are describing. I also learned to speak fluent spanish and you will get people that make stupid comments but when you have to ability to respond in their language i changes everything.
My advice take a big breath. Smile. Enjoy being where you are regardless of what is going on around you and you will see things change.
Paullearner@reddit
This is a really great response. A lot of times as Americans we don’t realize our lens doesn’t quite apply to every situation outside of our country. A lot of times it’s coming from sheer ignorance and curiosity rather than malice.
Go-Go-Gou@reddit
Great answer and great attitude. I thank You
Cojemos@reddit
The correct answer.
elkirstino@reddit
Please just take this post down and repost in r/blacktravel. You’re gonna get all kinds of weird answers here.
North_Artichoke_6721@reddit
I am a basic white lady who worked in China for a year, in a smaller city that didn’t have a lot of foreigners.
I was stared at constantly. People would stare at me so intently while walking that they often tripped or fell off the curb. If a bus passed by, the passengers would gather on one side and point and shout at me.
When I was eating in a restaurant, families would send their children over to stare at me while I ate.
Sometimes strangers would hand me a baby, snap a photo, and then take the baby away without so much as speaking to me.
If I entered a shop for the first time, the shop keeper would go and get his entire family, from little kids to elderly relatives, and bring them into the shop to stare at me.
It was very uncomfortable, especially as I am a fairly shy and private person. I am sorry you’re having this experience because it is so deeply uncomfortable.
Paullearner@reddit
It’s crazy this is still happening in China. I studied abroad in central China back in 2010. I’m not white but a mixed, non Asian brown person. Random people on the street would come up to me and wanted to take pictures with me. Chinese was however my major in college so they couldn’t really get away with the talking behind my back in front of my face thing. TBH though I feel white and black people tend to get it worse, I’ve been told I look racially ambiguous so I don’t think I had it as bad a some others may have.
maya_clara@reddit
That sounds exhausting. Did you ever snap at someone at one point?
My friend studied in China for a year. She is blonde and she would have people asking to take pictures so she just started charging
Sue-Jones-123456@reddit
Apparently they really want to touch blonde hair too in Asia. There was a YouTube posted by a young woman with long blonde hair showing crowds following her, wanting to take pictures, touch her hair. She was a fluent speaker and often heard them talking about her. It must be exhausting if you’re not extroverted.
North_Artichoke_6721@reddit
Yes it was really difficult. I asked my local friend at work to teach me how to say “I know you’re talking about me.” Which tended to help in some situations (especially elevators).
It also gave me a better understanding of what celebrities go through with the paparazzi and I have more grace for famous people when they snap nowadays.
OutsiderEverywhere@reddit
which city?
North_Artichoke_6721@reddit
Fuzhou
OutsiderEverywhere@reddit
sorry about your experience, I had lived in Shanghai and Ningbo and it was amazing. I guess the smaller cities were very different.
North_Artichoke_6721@reddit
I loved visiting Shanghai and Beijing because I could walk around without being noticed. There is something freeing about anonymity.
Paullearner@reddit
Sorry to hear you’re going through this. I’m a bit surprised to hear there isnt a larger black community in a Central American country, but upon googling it does say El Salvador has a less that 1% black population. Unfortunately countries with people who have never seen a black person let alone maybe even a foreigner tend to act like this (of course, does not excuse it in anyway shape or form).
2ndly I’m sorry but your girl definitely is not havin your back. The kids were in public and could be exposed to swearing regardless that’s not really your job to worry about over defending yourself. However, being you may not know all the laws of this country, I’d be careful of any public display of that sort. You don’t know people could twist the story around and make you look like the bad guy, get you arrested and then thrown in jail. Our freedom of speech as Americans does not travel with us everywhere we go.
Overall I don’t think your gf has ill intent, she just point blankly does not know what it’s like to be black and what you’re feeling, you may have to educate her a bit. Lastly, as long as people aren assaulting you, I’d try my best to ignore the stares.
Emergency_Mirror_627@reddit
I lived in Italy, Croatia, and South Korea and have traveled to 50+ countries. I am a black woman and I understand exactly what you’re talking about. It is the worst thing about traveling and is very demeaning. I got through it with positive self talk and staring back. When people broke their necks to watch me walk by or started chattering an insult I told myself it was jealousy because how can you dislike a person you don’t know and have never met. Many times I walked up to the people and started talking to them. The reminder that I was human often led to friendships. Most of the time I just kept moving. In the beginning of my travels and time abroad I was usually distressed though. I’ve had some very crazy experiences but the good people outweigh the bad for sure. You just have to put it to the back of your mind. The sad truth is that no matter where we go, we become a spectacle because we exist. Honestly there is beauty in that…you just gotta dig deep and find it for yourself
Emergency_Mirror_627@reddit
I lived in Italy, Croatia, and South Korea and have traveled to 50+ countries. I am a black woman and I understand exactly what you’re talking about. It is the worst thing about traveling and is very demeaning. I got through it with positive self talk and staring back. When people broke their necks to watch me walk by or started chattering an insult I told myself it was jealousy because how can you dislike a person you don’t know and have never met. Many times I walked up to the people and started talking to them. The reminder that I was human often led to friendships. Most of the time I just kept moving. In the beginning of my travels and time abroad I was usually distressed though. I’ve had some very crazy experiences but the good people outweigh the bad for sure. You just have to put it to the back of your mind. The sad truth is that no matter where we go, we become a spectacle because we exist. Honestly there is beauty in that…there is power in being seen, there is presence in standing out. Exist unapologetically, hold your head high and focus on having fun if you can. You got this
ith228@reddit
You have a history of getting aggravated at things. Just two months ago you came to Reddit because you thought it was inappropriate your step child’s father sent “unsolicited” (lol, he’s the literal dad) pics of the child to your gf during custody time. Like, you’re upset the father and the mother are still in contact when they have joint custody.
Now you tell us in this post you don’t speak Spanish yet somehow you know people are talking about your features and race.
I’m sorry but not everything is about you. And when it comes to staring, well yeah you’re going to get stares if you don’t look like the locals.
ImSyntax__@reddit (OP)
Look at you making up a narrative so you feel better about your uneducated comment. Be blessed.
TheRiddleMun@reddit
Grow the duck up
ImSyntax__@reddit (OP)
Super tough
dollhouss1@reddit
Imagine digging through someone’s post history just to insult them.
p3chapai@reddit
I saw the other comment about being positive, and upvoted that. But this is also true. OP reads like a total victim. I live in Japan and if you've ever been to the Japan subreddits, you'll see people exactly like OP. They complain about everything from the "gaijin seat" to being complimented for their chopstick use. They're miserable people, and would find something to complain about in their home countries too.
Mannimal13@reddit
The entire post reads like a walking red flag. "Wah Im Black and people are staring" Okay? Youre a guest in their country, act like one. Accept their behavior or leave. Guy is making mountains out of mole hills.
Kenny_is_undead@reddit
I’m sorry you went through this experience. I wanted to bring some perspective here. I grew up in a country with very low diversity. I moved since but I can understand the local you’re describing. In some countries , regions , you can spend a livery without seeing a blond , black or Asian person. Imagine now seeing a person with feature you only saw on tv before and that might be a once in a lifetime experience. You would stare a lot. It’s like seeing a movie star.
woahtheremate_@reddit
I mean no disrespect but you married someone Hispanic … and now you’re in Hispanic territory confused about what exactly …? I don’t understand.
Surely if you don’t like it you wouldn’t go to a Hispanic majority country …?
They’re not abusing you.
I legit think you should enjoy your holiday and stop focusing on what a few people think. I’m certain it’s not every single person - would be impossible. They’ve seen black folks and you can’t be that important that every single person is stopping their day to pay attention to you.
Definitely consider visits to black majority nations if you don’t want to stand out too.
Enjoy your holiday bro.
grsk_iboluna@reddit
It’s cultural racism. I lived there for 6 months and was the gringa at all times. They stare and comment on everyone’s appearance all the time. It won’t get better. I’m sorry you’re having this happen to you. Your gf will never understand.
grsk_iboluna@reddit
Central and south Americans are racist af. It’s appalling how casual they are about it.
MexicanPete@reddit
I've lived in Nicaragua for over a decade and I don't feel the people are racist at all. In fact I've never even experienced what OP is describing. Not towards me or anyone else. I'm obviously a gringo (not nica) and everyone calls me the Gringo. It's not a disrespect thing. The same way most darker skinned (though not black) people are called Negro or Negra (my wife for instance is called La Negra).
I've seen way way way more racism in the US than I've ever seen in Latin America.
grsk_iboluna@reddit
I didn’t stay long enough in El Salvador to travel to neighboring countries, but it’s very interesting, maybe even sus?, that you haven’t experienced or witnessed any sort of racism or discrimination against anyone who looks different- lighter or darker. “Campesinos” (essentially villagers who are far more likely to be from indigenous backgrounds and nowhere close to the “catorce familias” that controlled and forced El Salvador into the country it is today) were regarded such with contempt and distain, it was super clear that lighter was better, unless you were chele (like me), then it was like being a side-show attraction. Thank god I’m a brunette.
In the states I worked in restaurants throughout high school and college, and so many of my co-workers in the kitchens were from various states in Mexico. Talking with them (this was before I lived in El Salvador) was when I realized that Mexicans (of course not all) are racist, especially toward black people. It really blew my mind, at the time.
Then I began teaching and had loads of students from Ethiopia, Somalia and Kenya and realized it was the same amongst them.
The sad reality is a large portion of the world’s population believe being lighter-skinned is somehow better. It’s bonkers.
Go online and look at Asian beauty products and you’ll be inundated with skin-lightening products. It’s often difficult to find products like a simple moisturizer that don’t contain skin-lightening agents.
MexicanPete@reddit
Not saying it doesn't exist, just saying I've never experienced it. Maybe because here in Nicaragua we have a carribean coast with lots of black people. So it's more normal here to see black people. But pure flat out racism I have never witnessed personally
grsk_iboluna@reddit
Having a Caribbean coast makes things different as far as pure exposure to even just seeing black people. Honestly, I know very little about Nicaragua, but I’m still surprised to hear this. Why do they call you el gringo if you’re Mexican? Just bc of lighter skin?
MexicanPete@reddit
Gringo means American, regardless of skin color. I'm American. Mexican American (Chicano) . Thus the username.
prettyprincess91@reddit
I’m an American but brown looking and not so obviously Asian. In South America and southern Europe everyone thinks I’m Mexican because I speak Spanish. Only in the UK and Asia do they read me as obviously Asian.
People are weird af
grsk_iboluna@reddit
In El Salvador, at least from the pacific coast to Santa Ana to San Salvador, gringo definitely meant white North Americans. My ex bf and his family there (he was considered a campesino, but had lighter skin) said they called black North Americans negros, maybe morenos, depending on the skin tone. I actually had a specific conversation with them about it bc my ex before him was black and it just came up.
Off topic, but a couple of my cousins are Mexican American but also Irish. They like to call themselves green beans.
MexicanPete@reddit
Yea, I'm afraid to visit El Salvador for my tattoos. Before they'd have shot me thinking I was a gang banger, now they'll jail me thinking I was a gang banger. I have family in El Salvador as well.
The term gringo literally comes from the saying "Green go home" (referring to the green military uniforms worn by US forces throughout the vast history of raping Central America). Weird it would be different in El Salvador as it's so close to Nica and they're very similar in so many ways. Even fought their revolutions together.
Funny about green beans. My cousins husband is also Chicano/Irish and he calls himself the same. That must be a thing hah!
grsk_iboluna@reddit
I didn’t know where the term originated- interesting! Yeah, unfortunately El Sal is not where to be it you’re covered in tats.
Amantes09@reddit
I love white men telling the rest of the world now not racist a place is because their experiences do not reflect that. So deep, so insightful... /s
MexicanPete@reddit
Guess my username didn't tip you off that I'm not white. Real bright I see. So weird people can't accept that my experience is different than OP or "gringa" I was replying to.
Amantes09@reddit
I wasn't aware that Mexico had no White people especially not those who refer to themselves as 'gringos'. /S
MexicanPete@reddit
Funny you don't even know what gringo means. Hint: it's not a white person.
Amantes09@reddit
Sure dude.
MexicanPete@reddit
I never said it did genius. Stop projecting your sensitivities on me. I replied to the comment saying Central America is "racist af" and I'm saying that has not been my experience (against myself or witnessed) in all the CA countries I've lived or traveled in. I've never been to El Salvador so no clue there but I simply stated my experience. Just because someone has a bad experience also doesn't negate my own.
BTW, Yes, "American". Regardless of skin color. Gringo means American.
Amantes09@reddit
"I don't feel the people are racist AT ALL"... "It's not a disrespect thing" etc was pretty much invalidating what they said. Not sure why else you felt the need to write all that. You gave your experience and your blanket opinion that they are not in fact racist because you've had the fortune of not experiencing it.
And yes, somehow your wife who happens to be darker gets called La Negra while you (presumably the paler one) gets called Gringo. But definitely no racism still. Sure
MexicanPete@reddit
God you're dumb.
Amantes09@reddit
You would know, you're American.
MexicanPete@reddit
Real recognize real.
Future_Literature335@reddit
Um ... you kinda can't really talk about how racism isn't that bad when you're the white guy, eh
Rare_Performer_944@reddit
colombians are not.
GeneralRaspberry8102@reddit
Ummm okay.
grsk_iboluna@reddit
Just because racism in most countries doesn’t look like what it does in the USA or South Africa, for example, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. Y’all sound like Turkish people rn. “We aren’t racist!!” Gasping and clutching pearls while openly staring at, photographing, pointing at , etc. any black person they might see (which is SUPER rare). “We’re just curious.” “It’s not meant to be offensive.” as if the internet doesn’t exist and people are clueless that black people don’t want someone calling them a n——er (true story- happened to a friend in front of me at a cafe in Ankara) or touching their hair, etc.
grsk_iboluna@reddit
Peter Wade and Marisol de la Cadena would like a word.
Sue-Jones-123456@reddit
People who must have nothing else more important in their lives than talking intru
retrosenescent@reddit
I feel this way living in Mexico. Being a highly visible minority always sucks. But being gringo especially is not a neutral minority - it carries a lot of negative sentiment, a lot of class assumptions, a lot of deep-rooted hostility due to history that has nothing to do with you that gets projected onto you, etc.
trcomajo@reddit
I was there as a ginger woman and it was awfully as well.
Zhigirl2022@reddit
I was the Gai-jin in Japan
badbrowngirl@reddit
lol I’m an Indian girl from Australia and I experienced the same thing my entire life in India! I would go every year or two for weeks to months at a time with my family cause w don’t have anyone here.
I honestly just stare back or say things like you never seen a girl before in Hindi/punjabi, or with girls I’ll just pretend to scare them I’m pretty unhinged as a person and I don’t think it’s as dangerous as South America so that’s my advice take it as you like lol
My older brother hated going to India for a similar reason as he felt he had to “staunch” everyone (as word for like stare down people) for staring at his little sister.
I think I just look like I’m from overseas that’s why
Extreme_Sea_3109@reddit
Don’t give
Extreme_Sea_3109@reddit
❤️
Extreme_Sea_3109@reddit
Sorry, what i meant to say is don’t give up. I’m in asimilar situation.
Extreme_Sea_3109@reddit
You are not confusing nor crazy. Find a way to contact me a total stranger n maybe we figure this shit out. Until then. Gen X here @305punkita on YouTube. Signal.
Own_Inspector498@reddit
Try making this post on a FB group with black expats, I am in plenty.
Reddit doesn’t have too many Black people so the responses on here won’t be as helpful.
As a Black woman, I see you, I hear you, I feel you.
Fast_Recommendation7@reddit
I echo these sentiments exactly. I spent time in Eastern Europe. Youre not crazy or invalid, when traveling you need to prepare yourself a bit and do some research. My uni time in russia was a humbling experience as a blk woman and I did ballet in the city. Sidenote: I got married in the country of Panama and highly recommend a visit.
anzelle11@reddit
I can relate. I lived in a smaller town in the Philippines for a year. The staring, pointing, heckling, being constantly talked about in front of me in Tagalog got really tough. A few memories stand out for me: walking by a school and about 100 kids all ran to the fence and shouted at me “Americana”, they were climbing the fence, banging and shaking it like I was a zoo animal! Another time a toddler stared at me… for an entire 13 hour bus ride! It was insane. Finally I snapped and stuck my tongue out at a kid who wouldn’t stop staring at me. He laughed. The attention can be dehumanizing but if you can find a way to make a connection the people will realize that, although you look different, you’re actually just a human with a sense of humour, a kind smile, etc.
Carolina_Hurricane@reddit
Change your perspective - racists and bigots are the lowest of the low. They are stupidly, ignorant, callous, and deserve nothing from this world but disrespect.
Any-Resident6873@reddit
I'd recommend alternative Latin American countries or moving back to the U.S./your country of origin. No country is going to suddenly change for you. Brazil, Colombia, and the Dominican Republic are probably the better places to be as a black person in Latin America, or you could just go to Miami if you're from the U.S.
As a half black/half white guy, I could blend into a lot of countries, but I also rock a giant afro, which makes me stand out.
I've been to South Korea, Mexico, Brazil, France, Portugal, Spain, the UK, Argentina, Canada, Hungary, and a handful of other countries.
Surprisingly(maybe not), the most racism/discrimination I've faced (which was almost always subtle) was in Spain. I had shop owners talk with me and seem suspicious and defensive when I was looking around or talking with them, but as soon as I told them where I was from, they started opening up to me. When the topic of my ethnicity came up (it always does, and not by me) they thought I was middle-eastern or Filipino. I also was asking for help at a train station in Spain to no avail, but 4 train station employees all readily helped a white lady who was also from the U.S., without her moving an inch. Could've just been because she was a lady though.
They treated me like a celebrity in Hungary, nice, but like I was Bruno Mars or something. I don't like the attention at all, good or bad. Also surprisingly, I was left alone in South Korea. South Koreans were definitely curious, but the only ones who openly reacted in front of me were the drunk people at the clubs I was going to and some of the younger kids
someguysfungi@reddit
Stay strong brother. Maybe you have some traumas from your own country that aids in your projection.
Your eyes create reality. You experience what your subconscious sees. Recognize how nice, kind and attractive you are...with humility...and let that energy pass onto wherever you go. You are exotic colored 😂
It's an uphill battle for everybody...regaurdless if it's skin color....it's something else...it never ends....recognize it and prove.people...WRONG!
You are no different from anybody else just because youre blacker.
Stay up
Diego14u@reddit
I think it’s no different than a white person going to an all black country , black neighborhood or a black club .
Keats852@reddit
I fully agree with this... I used to live in a 99% black neighborhood in Brooklyn. I definitely got comments form people.
garage_artists@reddit
Yes. I and my wife got this a lot in India. Stared at, followed, hair touching etc. Also got it a lot in Nigeria... Lucky I can understand some Igbo and patois.
People are curious and sometimes that spills into hostility.
Don't take it personally.
McSwearWolf@reddit
I actually had a really positive experience in southern India. As a Caucasian, middle-aged, ave. boring looking chick, I’m guessing it’s often a bit easier for me to get by overseas in general but I was a little pensive: went there for a month in 2019, by myself. I’ve always wanted to go by myself. It’s just a thing I had in my mind. Spent time in Kerala & Tamil, mostly.
I think the most enlightening part of the journey was when I met this couple from Saudi Arabia at a little cafe / stand in the mountains and we just had some drinks together like old friends. They had two toddlers who were twins I think, and they were both very loving, taking turns tending to them.
Two young girls did laugh at me so hard one morning because I was wearing pants and a cap though (and maybe because they saw me going into the jungle with my camera) but that was children, and I don’t know if they had ever seen a lady dressed that way, it seemed like they were from the rural Middle East.
I do have a friend of mixed race who also went to India for several months and she had a pretty good experience too I believe, but I think she did a lot more partying than me - in Goa I think. ;)
garage_artists@reddit
Goa/Kerala and the South have more exposure to others. We were in central north (Bihar and Pradesh) I can post pics of whole villages coming out to stare at and poke the white lady! 😦
McSwearWolf@reddit
Ah, yes, sounds like the more rural areas are sometimes a bit different !
garage_artists@reddit
yes.. its about exposure isn't it? I remember moving to spain in the late 90s and thinking.."where are all the black and brown people at"? there simply wasn't any... and as a white person getting called "guiri" (northerner) was at turns funny and annoying..
ChateauLaFeet@reddit
Touching! Noooo
garage_artists@reddit
indeed.. blonde hair is fascinating apparently. (It is!)
coheed2122@reddit
Not surprised bearing the weight and doing emotional labor nonstop was upvoted so highly here. For your sanity, this is the right move. You’re not a paid cultural consultant or educator, you’re a person. Remember that.
garage_artists@reddit
Yep 👍. The whole ambassador for your race is a no from me!
Crafty_Try_423@reddit
I think this is a sign that it’s time for you to leave. It is miserable to be judged this way. And shouldn’t ignore your feelings because even if you can avoid a fight or other trouble, the chronic stress is bad for your health. We have a lot of existing research backing that demonstrates thud, particularly among Black men and women.
I had a tiny experience like this when I went to Jamaica as a white woman. I was in a town where probably many of the kids had genuinely never even seen a white person. It did not feel good. And I will never voluntarily visit Jamaica again. It’s nowhere near your level of experience, but yeah…racisms isn’t cool no matter who is doing it. Is there a reason you and your girlfriend have to be in El Salvador? Is this something you’re experiencing no matter where you go? Maybe you two can discuss a destination that would be a more positive social community. It’s a shame that you have to actively consider that…you should be able to feel comfortable in your skin anywhere you go.
ImSyntax__@reddit (OP)
I really do Appreciate this response thank you.
TacticalCocoaBunny@reddit
Stare back.
ImSyntax__@reddit (OP)
This is what I’ve been doing so far. Just gonna try to focus on having fun and not coming back.
Butterfly-Swan1246@reddit
Maybe embrace all the free publicity you are getting. Act like a celebrity. Put on dark shades and smile. Acknowledge those staring at you with a wave. Show you're not bothered, quite the opposite. If you see someone surreptitiously trying to take a picture, call thrm over, get them to stand eith you whilst your gorlfriend takes a shot of you with your adoring fan. Ask if they soeak English. Educate them about yourself and where your from. Ask them about themselves. Find out if any of them want to practise a little English, tell them you can help. Get them to come and join you and your girlfriend for coffee. Insist on it. Act like a celebrity. You can even give autographs. Maybe some of them think you might be famous. Revel in the miment. Yes, it might be acting out of character. But so what, have fun with it. Give them a show in a way shich win't cause you or them any harm. And they might learn something from it. You're just another human. You might also make someone's day. I'm also black by the way, a woman now living abroad.
RoundAd4247@reddit
You’re travelling for two weeks for fuck’s sakes, not an immigrant exposed to racism. And you seem to complain a lot as a lifestyle based on your post history.
According_Depth_7131@reddit
I would leave. This isn’t ok. You are being traumatized. That country has a weird dictator regime and super max concentration prisons. Keep chill because you can’t change this culture and book your flight home.
Federal_Customer_193@reddit
Second this.
Rare_Performer_944@reddit
move to colombia.
GeneralRaspberry8102@reddit
Imagine thinking Colombia is different.
Federal_Customer_193@reddit
It is. There are very few black people in El Salvador, the racial and ethnic make up varies dramatically by region and country within Latin America.
throat_coat@reddit
Doesn’t Colombia have like 10x as many black people as El Salvador?
Possible-Aspect9413@reddit
Hi, I know you have a lot of replies, but I get what you are saying because I am an arab looking latino and in the US, a lot of Spanish speakers that did not speak English would always speak to me in the worst English imaginable even after I spoke to them in Spanish (and I speak quite well). Their reasoning? Because I look white. As if the characters in their novelas were all "mestizo" looking.
The same happened at a bar with a Afro-dominican guy i was dating. They didn't think we spoke Spanish at first glance which is normal, and I get it. The problem is that some of these people insist on the fact that only certain people look or are a certain way. To be fair, and I don't mean this in any classist sort of way but a lot of the education in Central America (and other places) is not necessarily the best and/or it's not like they prioritize 'race' as race is seen as something not important... which has its good part and its bad parts.
What I am saying is that obviously you stand out but not everyone. There is the education part of it, there is the cultural part of it, there are so many factors.
I totally get you about being singled out, and it's not easy. I think even Argentina where Buenos Aires is known to be very white (though not entirely) people do not care where you come from and they don't care that you are black. Now, that there is racism ingrained in certain things in their speech and culture, sure, but all of Latin America is not like that. Central America and LATAM as a whole still has a long way to go in terms of those things. Even people who have noticeably black features deny their ancestry and claim they are only white...it's a mess. Many people in LATAM are not used to speaking about race, and it's something that they will need a lot of exposure/education/time to people to achieve. "Change don't come easy"
I feel for you. I think that it's messed up that your girl also is not being compassionate with you just because other people may see the situation differently. Your feelings are important, and this is a big deal. A lot of people deny being racist, but if they are constantly making note of you being different it certainly is not the easiest thing to deal with.
Many things can be true at once. You decide for yourself what they are but you cannot just lump them all. Sometimes we do this when they are upset.
Yes, Central Americans have a certain degree of racism. Is it the racism that is akin to MAGA voters? No, but they are still being ignorant and they don't have the tools to understand. Does it make them bad people? That's for you to decide. I think some people are just unaware of how harmful it can be.
You can learn Spanish. You can integrate into the culture, (And if you need someone to practice with, be my guest.) and that will be tough for some, but not impossible. The more you can connect with their culture and language, the easier it will be for them to see you less of an outsider. But regardless, try to find a way of reconciling and understanding that maybe they are decent people who are terribly informed and ignorant, and that as much as you want to belong to the group....you are a gringo and it's ok to be different.
In the US, I have always been different for being gay and this weird mix of looking arab but being latino, and probably ADHD. I have learned to understand that not everyone understands me, and I have to just reconcile that not everyone will be like that.
If you want to chat, feel free. I wish you the best. It's not easy feeling like an outsider and always being reminded of it....that's one thing I don't miss about America.
Zealousideal-You6712@reddit
As a person of Celtic origin, I'm about as white as you can get and I've traveled a lot in South and Central America, and Asia.
I'm so white I can sunburn in the rain.
People stare at me too. In Japan or South Korea especially, I seem to be an object of much discussion amongst locals, often I am told not complimentary. Being not allowed in certain restaurants in South Korea was a new one for me. That's about as racist as it comes. I'm sure if I were black it would be even worse.
Parts of Asia as well as Central America can be really racist. People don't seem to have a filter when dealing with people that don't look like they do.
Even in my adopted country of the US, I feel like I fit in, until I open my mouth and my broad Cockney accent and everyone stares again.
So, I understand somewhat what you are talking about. I know it is easier for me as I'm not black and I've never had to walk a day in your shoes. You skin color ups the ignorance to another level for sure.
I find confronting people sometimes makes me feel better. I have my phone set for Microsoft or Google translate so I can understand what people are saying, and I use it to reply courteously that I find their comments rude and unpleasant in the local language. I go out of my way to do this very deliberately.
I always keep my cool though, but I refuse to be abused. I just politely respond to their comments letting them know how hurtful and unpleasant they are being. Whatever you do though, always be polite even when correcting them and hold your head up high. That way you have your self respect and contradict their stereotyping by your actions and the way you carry yourself.
WatersEdge50@reddit
Bruh. Get over yourself. Live your life. Fuck what everyone else thinks.
ImSyntax__@reddit (OP)
😂thanks
ginogekko@reddit
Just travelling or living there?
ImSyntax__@reddit (OP)
Just traveling for 2 weeks
Iveechan@reddit
Bro, man up. It’s only for two weeks. Enjoy being exotic and lighten up.
ImSyntax__@reddit (OP)
Sure
Important-Wrangler98@reddit
You don’t become an expat by just visiting for a couple of weeks, lol. This is so goofy.
Purple-Equivalent-44@reddit
Maybe he wanted the perspective of other “outsiders” that live in Central America to see if this is something they experience on a regular basis.
ginogekko@reddit
Ok, while it sounds pretty unpleasant, it’s not really an expat situation.
Outrageous_Turn_3900@reddit
Unfortunately, you're just going to have to grow thicker skin. You can't expect to go to a foreign country and they're supposed to change their culture to suit you.
You'll experience this same type of behavior in most developing countries that may not be exposed to different kinds of people.
Vladigraph@reddit
My black partner just returned from a trip to Guatemala, and I asked him about his experience. He's 6'4, medium dark, dreads that sometimes are braided and sometimes not, and wears jewelry. This is what he said:
"Of course people stared at me everywhere. Everyone wanted to take a picture. Many people wanted to touch my hair. But I never felt they were throwing shade at me. There were a couple of times when people shouted "Brother!" and wanted to hug. I just respond with "buenas diaz" and they were happy to be acknowleged. I'm an not ashamed of being black. I dress well. I stick out. I greet or waive at them. I guess I'm just a happy person."
Myself — I'm white with blond hair and blue eyes, and I received a lot of stares when I traveled in Indian countryside. Same thing — pointing, stares, photos. Attitude is everything. If you show friendliness to them you might have a great time, instead of being exhausted from trying to be invisible. If you can't embrace your difference you should go to wherever you can blend in.
Oh, and one more thing. The concept of personal space is pretty rare in the world. What Americans see as intrusive may not even register in the local people's minds. They may not even be aware that their actions are perceived by you as rude.
dollhouss1@reddit
The commenters here insulting OP are mad he is exposing racism outside the US lol
Vladigraph@reddit
What he described is not racism. It's just an encounter between a strange looking person and uneducated locals. There's no reason to beli6 that it comes from a feeling of racial hatred or superiority.
TheMuse81@reddit
You gotta live, Fawk them!
I saw a guy with a tiddy on his ear living his life like a rockstar. It game me perspective, here I am shallow Hal every time I see 👀 👀 on me I think I have a booger in my 🐽 Remember the guy with the tiddy! 🪨 On man!
Key_Refrigerator234@reddit
Just know everything you are feeling is real and valid. I remember when I lived in China (tier 2) and while at the dentist I was told I don't need pain meds because they know black people feel "little pain" I was having a wisdom tooth extracted.
It's not just the stares. It a deep unsettling feeling that you aren't connected or safe. If it came down to it you may not have anyone to vouch or protect you and that is terrifying. A lot of the white people on here are posting stories but as black and brown folk know they are receiving the positive attention while you and I are being viewed with negative attention.
My advice is while there find someone anyone who can support you. Community is everything in these sorts of situations.
-Ekky@reddit
if you were white you would get the walking ATM experience, even if you poorer then the viewer
Ive had similar experience in another country to you but never acted upon it, when ever i told my gf at the time she dismissed it, didnt understand it or commented at times similar experience towards her, beeing with me
At work, in the start, when i learned the word for my country i quickly figured out sometimes people sit in groups and talk about me at lunch. so i learned the language to be a head of them. Thing is, it wasent evil it was just missinformation or general ignorance
Learn the language and the crowd to avoid, similar to ones own neighbourhood one grew up in or live in
Also, relationships with a person from say a province/state/or a country diffrent from ones own original, will always be harder then never leaving ones nest.
Your glass overflowed and you had a moment of beeing to full of it all, it happens
coheed2122@reddit
I hate to say it but most of the advice you’ll be getting from Reddit may not be the most supportive regarding this, though there are some okay takes here. Life is meant to be enjoyed.
Lisiat@reddit
As a black person who lived in Czech Republic for 5 years and visited China, I know exactly this feeling. I would recommend to use a lot of noise supression headphones when you feel uncomfortable ( I always went to bus, metro etc.. with headphones when I was on my own) and spend some time with black people or places where u feel comfortable, restaurants, clubs etc..
Early_Switch1222@reddit
i dont have the same experience as you and i wont pretend i do but i wanted to say that what youre describing is not you going crazy. being watched and talked about constantly is genuinely exhausting and the fact that youre aware of it in a language you partially understand makes it worse because you cant even have the mercy of not knowing. im greek living in the netherlands and even the mild version of being visibly "not from here" wears you down over time so i cant imagine what that level of it feels like. you are not overreacting
astraladventures@reddit
Humans being curious mate.
If you go to the sticks in china, you’ll be treated like a celebrity and be asked a dozen times to have your picture taken with them.
If the attention is unbearable, stay at home or stick to countries where you won’t be so rare.
Intrepid-Rabbit5666@reddit
Take your chance, create a YouTube channel, you'll get famous! And update us here, I want to be your first fan! 💖
elkirstino@reddit
Please just take this post down and repost in r/blacktravel. You’re gonna get all kinds of weird answers here.
AcrobaticDisplay4595@reddit
Ugh I’m so sorry. This is incredibly uncomfortable and rude. It’s valid to feel annoyed and angry. I’m a Caucasian female living in India and the stares, asking for photos, filming me without consent, still bothers me at times especially when done by men.
Telecom_VoIP_Fan@reddit
It is very sad to read how you are being made uncomfortable in this way. Unfortunately, it is part of human nature to stare at people who look different than those born in that country. For example, if you were a white European in rural China, I am sure you would also be looked at by some in a similar way. We can only hope that as more people get to know you as a person, and not a curiosity, the way they relate to you and your feelings will change.
One_Obligation_4073@reddit
El Salvador is the only country in Central America without a Caribbean coast, so I gather not a lot of people of African descent living there. That might explain some of the reaction you are experiencing. Some people are curious about people that are different than themselves and others are fearful. Both feelings elicit stares and comments. You’d probably get less attention in Caribbean coastal towns.
ErnestBatchelder@reddit
I am sorry for your experience. It sounds incredibly hostile and demoralizing. You comment that you are currently a tourist, not an ex-pat, so there is an endpoint to this. Your girlfriend should have thought to prepare you better for what it may be like.
According to the US Department of State website's travel page for El Salvador, "You are subject to local laws. If you break local laws, even if you don’t know it, you can be ejected from the area, arrested, or put in prison." You do not want to start a fight. El Salvadorian prisons are no joke.
The bigger question is, how can your girlfriend support you better while you are traveling? She can clearly hear what others are saying in Spanish, and can't politely tell them to stop? Or can she check in with you more to see how you are doing? People learn a lot about how they are as a couple when traveling.
The very easiest solution for right now if you are close to losing it is to simply book yourself a flight home, and discuss what you experienced and the relationship with her further once she's back in the States.
Good luck.
ImSyntax__@reddit (OP)
Thank you very much
ConcentratePretend93@reddit
I would peacock the fuck out of it. "i was wondering how long it would take to recognize me, ha, I suppose you want my autograph?" " thank you for the attention, but I am completely committed to my wife" Don't let inferior people ( racists are, not disrespecting la gente del páis) your good time. Ask them how to say "racist" in Spanish.
ibitmylip@reddit
I am so sorry that they are doing this to you.
Medlarmarmaduke@reddit
Yes, the above poster is right. If you are feeling at the end of your rope from what you are experiencing- get out of El Salvador ASAP. You don’t want even the most minute chance of a situation going sideways there.
Miss_Might@reddit
Yep. Living in East Asia when you aren't east Asian is similar. People assume you don't understand the language and make comments, etc.
cashflow_@reddit
They stare a lot in Latin American countries bro. Im sorry though
thismyburneracctboo@reddit
Everything is sucky but I hate the most she won’t back you up in a foreign place where you don’t speak the language. A spouse is your safe place.
Mannimal13@reddit
Maybe you should try Africa. Going to other people's countries and expecting them to change is certainly.....something.
ImSyntax__@reddit (OP)
This was never said or insinuated.
Mannimal13@reddit
What are you saying because it certainly reads like one big whining session the world isnt the way you want and are insinuating it needs to conform to your needs?
dollhouss1@reddit
Wow bro
ImSyntax__@reddit (OP)
😂😂😂 be blessed brother.
hollsmm@reddit
Not in America anymore huh
TONAFOONON@reddit
Best advice anyone can give you is to find a way not to get so upset. This happens in many places and to many people. I've had it happen to me multiple times in different ways as a very average looking older white female. Was in a place once where people kept touching my hair, clothes and face without asking. Just chalked it up to being part of the experience. If anything, I would try to find a way to engage and communicate with them. Just waving and smiling can change the interaction and dynamic. I've been invited into people's houses for more times than I can name for tea, held stranger's babies, had lunch with strangers, got a tour of a new house a very proud family was building even though neither side spoke the same language, etc.
trashhighway@reddit
With all due respect it sounds like you received positive, albeit a lot of, attention whereas OP is being disrespected and made fun of. Not the same.
TONAFOONON@reddit
Fair enough, I probably made it sound more cheery than it was. I've had many experiences that were not positive. I guess I see it as a bit of a normal hazard of travel. The touching my face / hair without asking was absolutely not cool in any way, for example. However I managed to turn that one around and get to a place of respectful interaction. You can't always do this and with every individual you encounter. But I typically try.
Brave_Needleworker95@reddit
I love TONAFOONON’s perspective. I’ve been in a similar situation to hers , and although people staring and talking about you might feel like negative attention, it can just be curiosity.
I still vividly remember when I was a young child, growing up in a European country and the first time I saw an African man, he was an exchange student and I was mesmerized by his looks. That was the moment my Mom thought me it wasn’t polite to stare. The man smiled and winked at me and it was such a cool experience that he acknowledged “little me” To me he was a fascinating “celebrity” without being anyone famous. I’d say lean into it.. smile and wink at people, you’re the star of your own show ! 🤗🤩
Formal-Door3464@reddit
**...although I will also add: I traveled to Asia with two Black people a long time ago. When we were in Beijing, strangers would come up to ask to take pictures with them.
Our host explained that the experience of being in Beijing was — for many Chinese natives — just as much of a once-in-a-lifetime trip for them as it was for us. They were honestly just amped and delighted to see Black people for the first time in their entire lives, so they were essentially just minor celebrities.
In our mixed ethnicity group, the order of "very interesting to Chinese tourists" rank went as follows:
1. Black woman with braids — very interesting. They wanted to know if she braided her hair daily.
2. Black man.
3. Blonde woman with blonde eyebrows and light blue eyes.
4. Brunette woman with *enormous* nose. — they were envious of her 'grecian' schnozz.
5. The rest of us. (White, Indian, Hispanic, Half-Asian host, etc.) — average amounts of interesting
It felt easier to see and embrace because there were about sixteen of us traveling together. The guide had also spent plenty of time in Asia, so he felt comfortable helping us set expectations (...and stay safe!). So, to what other people are saying: you might just be the most fascinating person everyone's seen today. But also.... if it makes you feel shitty, let it out!!! Feelings are valid.
Formal-Door3464@reddit
I disagree! It sounds like this is triggering something way deeper. Maybe instead of coping, get into the depth of the feeling the experience brings up in a safe space or with safe friends (or a therapist?) — if you can get to one?
It won't make other people's actions any less hurtful, although if they're going to give you so much emotional transformation fodder, might as well embrace it and play to win? Like... I don't think the pain started here. So, maybe see what else this brings up — if it's safe enough to — or find a spot to get underneath how objectively shitty it is to experience 'othering'.
...and then maybe it'll feel lighter, later.
AwkwardRent5758@reddit
Maybe focusing on your gf and on the objectives of your trip would be far beneficial that focusing on how people look or consider you. Maybe can help?
CaspinLange@reddit
It’s super lame man. No one should be made to feel separate and apart in the world.
TommyTbird@reddit
My
Ok-Test-7634@reddit
Go to Africa
Cojemos@reddit
Go to Panama.
GeneralRaspberry8102@reddit
LOL!!!!
GeneralRaspberry8102@reddit
Passport bro just figured out despite what social media say the U.S. isn’t actually the most racist place on earth.
_3JET@reddit
no disrespect bro but you need to either roll with it or change your environment. that’s the reality of travel for us. either way, i hope your gf is understanding of your experience as a black man. i don’t mean to judge from one reddit post, just looking out for you
Cheap-Ad7916@reddit
I am sorry you are going through this. I lived in Panama for a while and also in Colombia. I am a larger woman, and people were not hesitant to tell me while I was there, especially in Colombia, how large I was. At the time I was probably only about 10 to 15 pounds overweight, but I never felt bigger! And my family is from Colombia so I did have some idea what I was in for. Weight loss methods, clinics, medications, etc. were constantly being recommended to me. A very tall friend came to visit while I was there, and she was constantly stared at and commented on.
It’s uncomfortable for us coming from the USA for sure, because people back home generally keep their comments themselves and gossip about it later with friends and family. During my time in Colombia, I found that people were just more direct and obvious with their commentary. My mom’s nickname growing up was “gorda,” (fat one) and it’s common for people to call you mono or negro if your skin tone is lighter or darker than the rest of your family members, which happens a lot due to most people being mixed race and random traits showing up generation to generation. It does suck when you’re not used to it. You may never get used to it, but my guess is that if you said something, nobody would think they were doing anything wrong.
Zhigirl2022@reddit
Yes, in France, Japan, Sweden. I went home... They want my tourism money, but they don't want me. I find that to be very hypocritical, so I went home not to mention that it was the first time ever. That I had my entire bank account. Wiped out by some storewho managed to steal my bank information.
jonnawhat@reddit
Happened to me in both Korea and Mexico. You do get used to it after a while, but it's initially grating. When I finally returned to the states, I even found myself sad I was no longer 'special' or 'unique'.
amazeballs2121@reddit
Are you on vacation? If so i’d get the next flight home, this experience is absolutely awful. I can feel the mental exhaustion and sadness from your words here. I’ve come to a place in life as a dark skinned Black woman where I will actively remove myself from situations such as this. It sounds like it will be a difficult conversation with your partner and she may never understand the actual impact of being in such an environment like this. In an ideal world she would actually be more than happy to leave so that you feel comfortable and at ease. I’m sorry you’re going through this. And if you’re not on vacation… same answer, leave.
goingfourtheone@reddit
You’re suffering from cultural fatigue. Not much can be done about it.