Argh. What a blindsiding realisation.

I, 46, got roped into a conversation with my sister, 37, about carrying our own weight about 2 weeks ago. I've been out of the US most my siblings lives, but sis has always gotten alot of emotional and financial support from parents - even when she was married, now divorced, and with young child of her own. Like help paying for groceries, bills, gas in their cars, pretty regular/extended child care where Mom and her dad watch her baby. Seemed sis initiated a talk with Mom - mentioned she'd been doing better at managing bills and finances but had fallen off. Sis told me she really needed to hear how well she HAD been doing, but Mom's response was basically, yeah, you know what to do - get back to tracking g expenses and income, stop the occasional short leisure trips, etc. Mom just confirmed what Sis had said, in a frank and tough love kind of way. Sis was shocked, felt it was rude amd was a bit offended. Messaged me to say she thought Mom was having a hard time. I didn't respond at first because Sis is over the top emotionally - always has been, everything is a crisis, and she's loud and dramatic, and won't listen to others input. When I did call to talk, Sis said she thinks growing and becoming an adult means you can't show any emotion. Frankly, at 37, I find it odd she's commenting about adulthood like she's just learning about life as a 20-something just out on her own. Told Sis that, yes, Mom probably is stressed - she has her own life to worry about - her and my Step-dad are both retired, Mom has some medical issues, the couple of us kids, a couple of grandkids including mine that she visits and picks up from college that's hours away. On top of my Sis's constant calls, drama, emotional meltdowns, and some level of financials support. Told Sis that as adults, we have to manage our own shit now so parents can focus on their own. It's okay to show emotion and reach out when absolutely necessary, but the constant support she needs is mentally exhausting to the parents - I can't even stand it when I'm on short vacations back home amd overhear her meltdowns to Mom on phone calls - and not on speaker. Couldn't believe Sis reached out to me in this instance - I told her that I would have had the tough love talk with her loooong ago, and it's a topic I'd discussed with Mom ages ago. I completely understand where you're at. I recommend Sis revisit her talk with Mom, when she wasn't as emotional. I also recommended sending a message forst to see if she has time to talk - in any instance because when Sis calls, it's stressful because we all expect she's probably going to be an emotional basket case when we answer. The fact my Sis doesn't understand where most of us other "adults" are at in life in regard to giving our parents a much needed break from caring and supporting our every need is just.mind boggling to me. Best to you and the adulting, and best wishes to your parents and family.