Great Wolf Lodge buffet calls this“Caprese Salad.” I’m not so sure.
Posted by maxpaver@reddit | shittyfoodporn | View on Reddit | 615 comments
Posted by maxpaver@reddit | shittyfoodporn | View on Reddit | 615 comments
AliveTranslator4271@reddit
this is definitely a caprice, but i think it's delicious.
Emerald_bamboo@reddit
Erikson’s secret family recipe is similar from how I met your mother
FreeCrayons@reddit
Tomato. Bocconcini, herbs. It's got the ingredients right... Execution needs work...
bountiful_garden@reddit
Definitely not.
onionbootyroundnbrwn@reddit
It looks better than that when my Sims make it….
ShivRoyPinkyIsQueen@reddit
My kid begged to go one year and I got a coupon so we went. It was crowded, overpriced & weird but my kid brought a friend and they spent the day going down waterslides and they had a blast so overall I wasn’t disappointed. It’s not my idea of a great trip but my son told me it was one of his favorite days ever and I didn’t go broke over it. We also didn’t get sick so that helps. If we left sick I would probably have a different opinion about the whole thing
ExMorgMD@reddit
Coupons are the only way to go. It’s ridiculously expensive at full price especially if you stay in the hotel
turtlesandmemes@reddit
Ikr, the other comment talking about GWL being for families that can’t afford luxury vacations is objectively false. I think it was $1k for 2 nights.
Asinine.
Especially if you have kids that want to experience everything (magic wands, build a bear, etc.)
ShivRoyPinkyIsQueen@reddit
Omg that magic quest thing was so expensive and so annoying chasing my kid around that crowded place 😩😂
skemesx@reddit
I remember going there many years ago as a little kid myself and my dad gave up and just let me and my brother run all over the hotel by ourselves after he went up the stairs one to many times haha
ShivRoyPinkyIsQueen@reddit
Your dad sounds smart!
beerab@reddit
I was so exhausted the first night my entire body hurt I had to go and get pain meds from the gift shop. The next year we brought a bottle lol. My kids love it so we go yearly now.
thelaziestmermaid@reddit
When I was chasing my kids around (and up and down the stairs multiple times), it helped that I was able to get piña coladas from the bar to give me energy 🤣
ShivRoyPinkyIsQueen@reddit
😂😂 omg those stairs! Doing that magic quest thing had me huffing and puffing all over that damn hotel! I got my steps in but constantly running into other sticky kids and drunk parents keeps it interesting 😂 it’s exhausting but honestly it’s fun if you can just go with the flow…
Original-Variety-700@reddit
A lot of times, places like that market to people who can’t afford the $1k for two nights but they pay it anyway. I think the same thing about amusements parks - they’re taking a fortune from a lot of people that don’t have money.
If I’m spending $500 a night for a room, it’s in Tokyo or somewhere exotic and it’s worth it. I’d never spend a dime on gwl
-full-control-@reddit
You sound like a good parent
ShivRoyPinkyIsQueen@reddit
Awwww man, thank you 🥺
It’s been a rough week so that really meant a lot lol. Truly appreciate you saying that 💚
MostlyMicroPlastic@reddit
I’m seconding that persons opinion. My mom frequently lied to me about doing things so she didn’t have to experience them at all, let alone her child.
Wild_Astronaut7090@reddit
My sister and I take our kids every year. We check in on a Monday and leave on a Wednesday. Kids miss Three days of schools but there is so much open space, no crowds, and it’s cheap. Totally worth it, and we celebrate one of each of our kids bday. Her kids are getting bf a bit older so maybe a few more years of this left
If you drink, no one in the staff will tell you to throw a beer away. BYOB baby
ShivRoyPinkyIsQueen@reddit
This is a really good idea! We went during spring break and it was insanely crowded! I love the idea of pulling him out of school and going when no one is there…
googdude@reddit
I found with any kids entertainment, never go when most other schools have out as well cuz that's when things get crowded. I'd rather take off of work and pull them out of school for a day or two and you really get to enjoy the park.
ShivRoyPinkyIsQueen@reddit
This is so true and advice I will absolutely follow! I’ve made my mistake and will never do it again 😩😂
googdude@reddit
We went to Great Wolf midweek late in the winter and the water park had maybe 50 other people. It was awesome, we could go down the most in demand slides, go right back up and get right back on with minimal lines.
Wild_Astronaut7090@reddit
One warning; sometimes the dinner buffet is closed when capacity is low but their restaurant menu is still open. Breakfast is always open which I prefer, as the dinner buffet, you know, you see the picture lol
ShivRoyPinkyIsQueen@reddit
Haha good to know! When we were there we just ordered pizza from a local restaurant (it was better than anything the hotel offered and much more affordable) and they have a Dunkin’ Donuts on the premises so we just had donuts in the morning.
Although, as a heads up: the hotel tried to tell us that we couldn’t order food lol. They said that they will not allow a delivery driver in the lobby (which was so weird but clearly they just want us all spending exorbitant amounts of money at their nasty restaurant) so I just met the driver outside and brought the pizza to our room…
We got some snacks at the restaurant by the pool and it was genuinely gross. But I had snacks in the room and we got ice cream at night so overall it was a success!
JessicaOkayyy@reddit
We celebrated my son’s 10th birthday there back in 2021. We’re about to celebrate my daughter’s 11th there in a month lol. She wanted to go because her brother did it for his birthday and she had a great time.
I researched other water parks and gave her a rundown of each one so she was making an informed choice, in the end she still wanted Great Wolf. As long as the kids have a good time, fine with us! The Sandusky locations pool area was a bit lacking in my opinion for the price, but it’s the closest one to us.
It’s definitely not cheap though for a weekend. We booked 2 months in advance and still paid $1,200 ( each kid getting a package add on for build a bear and the wands and stuff ). They both get to bring a friend along as well. This is the best thing about it to me, the friend that comes along normally would never get a chance to go otherwise and has a blast.
ShivRoyPinkyIsQueen@reddit
That’s very similar to what we did. Again, it was a lot for the parents (overwhelming/overstimulating) but the kids had a blast. My son also brought a friend who had never stayed at a hotel before and they ran around doing the magic wand thing and they had a climbing wall, climbing ropes, a bowling alley as well as an arcade… they were in heaven and even though I was pooped it’s always nice to see kids have such a good time.
This-Law-5433@reddit
I go to places like this not for the food but for the fact it's a kids place I can relax and have a beer
I also book the hotel stay
theMangoJayne@reddit
My fiancée passed away just over a week ago. One of our favourite trips was to GWL. We absolutely loved the magic quest stuff and we would talk about how much we looked forward to taking our kids there whenever we had some. Idk if I'll be able to face going back but man was it ever a good memory.
ShivRoyPinkyIsQueen@reddit
I’m so sorry about your loss. Losing a partner is really hard. Sending a hug 💚
Seth_Baker@reddit
We went the winter before last and found bedbugs the morning we got up to leave, but they heat treated our stuff, comped our stay, gave us a coupon for another weekend, and we ended up not bringing them home, so I'll count that as a win.
iluvfarigiraf@reddit
My mom took me when I was little a few times. Always 1 full day for the slides and no more. MagiQuest is also worth it at the one I went to. That being said we once arrived and found human feces smeared on all the walls, ceiling, and floor of our bathroom. That was our last trip.
viewkachoo@reddit
You are a good parent. Good parents say things like you say things.
Joe_Kangg@reddit
How was the salad?
BoujeeGothBB@reddit
My partner and I took his kid last year. We stayed there for a weekend but we rented one of the cabanas by the pool. That made it bearable- I slept, got some work done and had a few margs while he went down the slides. The only downside was the chlorine smell and we opted to eat offsite. There’s a crazy good sushi spot nearby, but I forgot the name.
SammytTheBLLover@reddit
More like shit-prese salad
GregorianShant@reddit
Bed bug caprese.
You also get complimentary bed bugs. What are harvested from you when you leave to make more bed bug caprese.
Simsandtruecrime@reddit
Tf?
7947kiblaijon@reddit
Frank reynolds's
speakerbot@reddit
I have an irrational fear that my child will ask me to go there one day and we will all get norovirus
Touchhole@reddit
You see the future clearly. My friend took her daughter there last summer an very left with diarrhea
Shai-HuludsAnus@reddit
Had a friend that goes every year, and every year they left with diarrhea.
I've been to Mexico a dozen times and still haven't gotten diarrhea.
beerab@reddit
We go to the one in Anaheim every year and this has never happened to us. We don’t eat at the buffet though. We bring a lot of our own food and we grab breakfast at the Dunkin and dinner we get a pizza.
SCVerde@reddit
We've been a few times. The kids go apeshit for it. We went to the buffet once, spent an ungodly amount of money (party of 8), everyone left hungry. My friend actually complained and they ended up taking it off the bill completely.
lexm@reddit
How do you leave a buffet hungry?
withbellson@reddit
The food looks like the originally posted image.
SCVerde@reddit
Exactly this. We paid extra for "steak upgrades" got 4 oz burnt pucks. I wasn't eating dairy at the time because I was breastfeeding a baby I thought might have an intolerance (spoiler: he does) which was limiting, the "salads" were slop, cold french fries and nuggets even the kids didn't want. Just...bad.
We've been a few times since, get breakfast at the on-site dunkin. Usually pick up and bring back dinner, the pizza place on-site is okay but pricey. Cocktails are pretty good though. It's also 15 minutes from one of the best zoos in the country so that's usually part of the trip.
benortree@reddit
Have you ever been to the Henry Doorly zoo?
SCVerde@reddit
No, but it's on my list.
benortree@reddit
Hey not too much on Nebraska now!
SCVerde@reddit
They've got...corn?
HerfDerfer@reddit
Wait what is human breastmilk not dairy?
Feisty-Resource-1274@reddit
Its the cow milk proteins in dairy products that some babies are sensitive to
HerfDerfer@reddit
Ah makes sense
marykay_ultra@reddit
Human breastmilk is technically vegan, I think?
I remember reading an article about a vegan cheese company that was planning to use casein from human milk, because that’s apparently the key to getting the right texture and vegan law doesn’t forbid human products
This was probably about a decade ago, though. It’s possible the rules have changed, and I’m also not sure if that vegan cheese company ever launched their product
Trailerparkqueen@reddit
Lmao, no, it isn’t.
sunny_gloom@reddit
No, dairy referred to animal milk products. Not human.
ZenseiOG@reddit
Which zoo?
SCVerde@reddit
Cheyenne mountain zoo. Constantly ranked top 10. You can feed ALLLLL the giraffes.
discordianofslack@reddit
My wife got pecked on the shin by a penguin. One of her favorite live moments.
s_tee@reddit
I love penguins, I would feel the same way
LakeMungoSpirit@reddit
Hello fellow springs goer
Alternative_Session9@reddit
Cincinnati zoo?
withbellson@reddit
I figured when we went they probably couldn’t fuck up chicken broccoli pasta? It was terrible: dry chicken, undercooked broccoli, flavorless “alfredo”, and somehow still $24. My husband ate one bite of his ribs. My kid ate three fries and no burger. Should have just gone to Taco Bell for us and McD’s for the kid, which was in fact what we did the second day.
The pizza is at least ok. (The pasta at the pizza place, again not ok.) But when we have the energy I like to take the kid to a nearby steakhouse instead, which is also really expensive but actually good.
Subbie1013@reddit
Tastes like what it looks like too.
StevieMJH@reddit
Wait, that's from before they ate it?
tsx_1430@reddit
Worse than Carnival Cruise food.
misskarcrashian@reddit
Carnival has Guy’s Burgers and Blue Iguana, that makes it miles ahead of Great Wolf.
Illustrious-Bake3878@reddit
The food being ass.
StevieMJH@reddit
Hello, avatar buddy.
Bloodysamflint@reddit
The second (and last) time we went, there was minimal food on the "buffet". Eventually, you leave and get some popcorn.
bouquetofashes@reddit
Maybe their buffet quality is location dependent? Or declined significantly in recent years?
My husband and I went with his family (we have a young niece, we mostly went for her) a few years ago and their food was fine. Nothing mind-blowing, but servicable.
I was so stuffed I felt unwell and spent the night regretting it (though in fairness I had recently been ill and idk maybe because I'm very small but I'm always ravenous after illness).
Even so, I don't eat food if it's bad, and there was certainly nothing like this. I would have remembered. I wouldn't have eaten so much if I'd not been sick previously but I also wouldn't have gone away hungry.
itsamecatty@reddit
We ended up with molluscum, still dealing with bad sores months later 😭
HighOnGoofballs@reddit
I went to a wedding at one and it was a blast. I did not use the pool tho and it was summer time
withbellson@reddit
GWL is an odd choice for a wedding TBH. It’s a hotel that is also a Chuck E. Cheese.
HeyCarpy@reddit
Such a great description. Took my kids there multiple times whe they were little, now they’re too grown for it. I’m feeling oddly wistful and sad for GWL right now, I honestly never thought I would be in this position.
blueberrycauzez@reddit
A lot of locations have cut corners and added/jacked up fees in the past few years, so it's good that you went when you did
HrhEverythingElse@reddit
I always wanted to take my kid there, but now she's 16 and we never could afford it
Gayl0rdF0cker@reddit
If Great Wolf's menu offerings were served in prisons, it would be a violation of the 8th amendment.
Aside from the food, the Kids had a blast and the staff were great.
MyMomsTastyButthole@reddit
Have another kid!
HeyCarpy@reddit
Hellllllll no lol
HighOnGoofballs@reddit
Very odd but they had some cool spaces out in the woods where the ceremony was and other outdoor areas for the band and reception. The only times you realized it was a gwl was when you went back to your room
Embarrassed_Mango679@reddit
My husband's cousin got married there and it was just in a standard ballroom. We all stayed in apartment like things and the back and forth didn't have any interaction with the water park. I don't recall how the food was at the wedding but it must have been normal wedding food because I'd have remembered if it was complete crap lol.
Vegetable-Shirt-4319@reddit
Well i guess it's nice they let them take it
yungrii@reddit
Why didn't they leave the diarrhea there?
UsaSweNz@reddit
I've never been so glad to have had a vasectomy before I could have any kids.
Vegetable-Maize-4034@reddit
My children asked us to go when they were younger, and we simply said no. Overpriced, overhyped and for what? We ended up at a nice hotel with an indoor water park and had a blast.
ImAPixiePrincess@reddit
I've been a few times. I don't eat the food there, too expensive. We wait for deals. It's actually pretty nice otherwise!
AreYouAllFrogs@reddit
I went there as a kid with my best friend and her family and it is now one of the best memories of my childhood. I don’t remember anything about the food though.
floral_friend@reddit
We went a bunch as kids and never went to the buffet, ever. Since it's a hotel there's normally other places nearby that you can get food at for cheaper and less shitty
Awkwardpanda75@reddit
I had that two years ago. I was holding onto walls to get to the bathroom.
idiotista@reddit
Swede in India, so I had to google this place. Now I'm kind of ... nauseous? Like it is so huuge and seems like it smells of stale carpets and old, dry plastic.
No_Obligation4496@reddit
You don't have to say yes to everything.
Probably better not to.
speakerbot@reddit
My wife and I both seriously dislike water parks. So I’m hoping our disgust is passed on to our children.
No_Obligation4496@reddit
Yes. It would be good to show them some water park horror films. Maybe Free Willy, Finding Nemo, Blackfish.
CumTrumpet@reddit
The pool scene in Caddyshack
WishDry8141@reddit
The South Park episode where everyone pee's in the water so much it turns into a pee tsunami.
Yeah, don't go to water parks. The average human is a disgusting piece of shit and absolutely pees in that water as much as they possibly can.
Miserable_Buy7007@reddit
The gang goes to a water park
Capital_Pea@reddit
literally one of the funniest episodes.
chewy92889@reddit
AIDS, everybody out.
HartfordWhaler@reddit
Tell them about decapitation on a slide!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verr%C3%BCckt
Ok-Operation-6432@reddit
Wow that’s Verrückt up
Same-Thanks-9104@reddit
Just show them Tusk
f4rt3d@reddit
I believe that is actually a rational fear
hey_alyssa@reddit
One of my students went and their entire family got norovirus ☠️
raven00x@reddit
your fear is pretty rational and well founded. it's basically a land-bound cruise ship.
divuthen@reddit
Lol my gf had to take her kid to a medical appointment in a city a few hours away, and the only nearby hotel room she could find was at Great Wolf lodge. She said the whole place smelled like mildew and was chaos. Even her five year old kiddo who has severe ADHD was like uhh no thanks I'm good.
WindAbsolute@reddit
I just got over norovirus; I’ve never been so sick in my life
AxeSpez@reddit
You can bring your own food & drink in.
FangornLeghorn@reddit
It’s pretty awesome. I love taking my kid there and watching her have a blast. We bring food and snacks and get pizza or food delivered because their food is awful and costs a fortune, but the pool is amazing, and the little magic adventure thing is a hoot. Yeah it’s expensive (we usually book half price or less by planning far ahead) and exhausting, but the smiles and laughs from my daughter are worth far more, and I love being there with her. She won’t be this young and wanting to do things like this with her parents for long, so it’s a privilege to be able to share this with her now.
maxpaver@reddit (OP)
I completely agree.
MrRippy42022@reddit
We are planning a quick trip there with our kids next week. We aren’t staying at the lodge but just getting day passes. Is it really that bad? I’m hoping the water park and other activities are fun. We will stay away from the Buffett based on the previous comments.
Chi_Baby@reddit
It’s a freaking packed overstimulating madhouse but kids absolutely love it. Also, the buffet is really good I’m not sure what some of these comments are talking about lol. The pizza place there is also good.
VictorTheCutie@reddit
My family (8 yo and twin 4 yo's) absolutely LOVED it.
taita25@reddit
If they ask, take them to Kalahari instead.
SenpaiSlothin@reddit
Went there this last weekend. My child is indeed very sick. Place is so overwhelming
RhubarbGoldberg@reddit
My friend went last weekend and her kid picked up a croup cough.
SenpaiSlothin@reddit
Well. That sounds about right.
CantStopCackling@reddit
Crazy because my family went three times one year and we had nothing but a good time. Got kids the perfect ages for it, they love the buffet (cheaper to just wrap it into the package when booking). It’s great for the kids to wear themselves out all day and then crash out in the kid bunks at night that they get a kick out of too, watching their own little tv before passing out.
I had no idea that the place had a reputation for sickness but I guess it makes sense with so many people inside of a place combined with moisture.
jjk717@reddit
Take them to Boyne Mountain instead, they'll never know the difference and you'll be happy you paid for a resort worth your hard earned money.
holymacaroley@reddit
Not Great Wolf Lodge, but I got ringworm from a Myrtle Beach resort indoor lazy river my kid begged me to go on. 🤮
ClearBlue_Grace@reddit
That isn't an irrational fear lol. I got norovirus when I was like ten. Easily the most sick I have ever been. My mom and I were bedridden for like a week and my little sister who was a toddler at the time would bring us water occasionally. I probably lost like ten pounds.
All_Wrong_Answers@reddit
Nope all you get is broke.
Several_Vanilla8916@reddit
Pink eye palace? Tetanus towers? Pathogen pavilion? Snot locker?
speakerbot@reddit
😂😂😂
LadyWinklebottom@reddit
Not irrational. No lie, my coworker came back from there and contracted norovirus. He was very very sick
zappergun-girl@reddit
You shall simply say no
Rosaly8@reddit
You can get norovirus anywhere?
speakerbot@reddit
Yes? But these places are germ Petri dishes.
Kids + pools + buffet = perfect environment for germs
Rosaly8@reddit
I know the norovirus best from parents who get it after they put their kids in childcare. In those places it seems very common as well.
speakerbot@reddit
It can happen almost anywhere. My company had an outbreak at a holiday party and had to inform the cdc. Thank god I skipped that year.
TheSubstitutePanda@reddit
Yup, I worked at a local dinner theatre when I got it. Went through FOH and BOH in a week and a half. Worst 36 hours of my life. Havn't been that sick before or since.
agoia@reddit
Potlucks scare me. Especially since I've seen what my coworkers' keyboards look like.
Capital_Pea@reddit
i’m not a germaphobe but will never eat at a work potluck. i’ve seen far too many episodes of hoarders to know that seemingly normal looking/behaving people can live in filth.
Herbisher_Berbisher@reddit
We all run numerous risks every day of our lives. Through experience we calculate risks and make decisions that tend to help us avoid situations, places, people, and things that expose us to dangerous germ laden disease vectors.
Mtwilson4@reddit
Honestly, I enjoy great Wolf Lodge as much as my kids do. I don’t expect the food to be great, and I don’t think you should call something It’s not when it comes to food dishes. But they do a good job of being what they are. The kids always enjoy themselves and we bring someone to watch the young one so we can pop a gummy and ride some waterslides. Great time had by all!
laydeebug1678@reddit
Only been with our kids once, and we escaped sans noro. 🤞🤞🤞🤞
CoyoteCuts31@reddit
…I’ve been 3 times. I’ve gotten norovirus twice and pink eye the time I was lucky enough not to get norovirus. The things we do for our kids
woowoo293@reddit
So it's like a cruise except without the cruise?
conspicuousmatchcut@reddit
Oh man I never even considered the filth aspect, I just stayed away due to the expense! That’s so nasty I’m sorry that happened to you
Mysterious-Kiwi5832@reddit
My children asked me to take them last year.. and we all got norovirus.
illusion96@reddit
You're not wrong with that worry. The one time I went there, someone shit in the pool and they shut it down for an hour. Afterwards, the gremlins all jumped back into the pool like it was no big deal.
DeweytheDoodle@reddit
Lessons were learned from Caddyshack
PeKKer0_0@reddit
As someone who’s worked on pools, managed their chemical levels and pumps. The pumps and filters for places like that are crazy fast and the numbers were probably acceptable.
ShrimpieAC@reddit
Jorgwalther@reddit
Which is a pretty stand way of dealing with that particular issue.
bleach_drinker_420@reddit
you will leave with chlorine burns after just walking into the building. that place is so heavily chlorinated that im surprised i survived the minute i was in there before having to walk out
umlizzyiguess@reddit
My whole family got ringworm there
Beekeeper_Bard@reddit
Irrational?
dontfreakmeowt@reddit
Our family got mono for 6 weeks. 🙃
Sea-Fill309@reddit
to me, that kinda looks good
Sea-Fill309@reddit
i know no one asked but still
IronClaw84@reddit
Imagine butchering a Caprese salad. Do they struggle with toast? Can’t quite figure out cereal?
ObiJuanKenobi3@reddit
You know how in a caprese salad you can see and discern every single one of the like, 5 total ingredients? Well here at Great Wolf we do things a little differently. Good luck naming a single fucking thing here except what are presumably tomatoes.
Any-Appearance2471@reddit
It looks like someone was making a potato salad that they remembered halfway through was supposed to be grits, then remembered again was actually supposed to be a caprese.
kurut9@reddit
This is how I cook when I’m far too drunk to be trusted near a stove.
LemonadeRaygun@reddit
I thought they were kidney beans until I realised what the scale was 🫠
Apprehensive_Dress_8@reddit
Presumably is doing a lot of work in that sentence
DarthMad3r@reddit
This is an atrocity
dachefj34@reddit
Not at that looks beans and pasta
Living_Masterpiece80@reddit
Looks like someone blended risotto and chucked in some tomatoes and cat sick
jellecee@reddit
Looks like a bowl of food poisoning with red peanut m&ms in it 💀
MHStriplethreat@reddit
Unrelated but one time as a kid we were at the great wolf lodge buffet/restaurant and the waitress just hands my dad a paper with her room number on it out of nowhere…….he was in fact gone when I woke up that night lol
607local@reddit
Pretty sure this is vomit
freakingusernamedood@reddit
This is what happens when you let a wolf cook your food.
AstonishingJ@reddit
A friend of mine used to eat a mash of white rice, mashed potatoes and mayo
Slumunistmanifisto@reddit
My buddy was checking inventory in his notoriously food stealy kitchen to find three steaks were listed on the clipboard as "stolen by a pack of wolves".
Grape-Snapple@reddit
i hate kitchen wolves. they always steal my steaks. i wish there was some kind of effective deterrent or trap for them like ants and mice, but our dishie keeps getting caught in the wolf traps because he wants the fresh meat in them, so we can’t use those. any ideas?
Slumunistmanifisto@reddit
Cougar urine
Crafty_Mastodon320@reddit
In my experience the only thing that scares dishies is the fucking cops.
Slumunistmanifisto@reddit
They call those guys the svu...
just4fun727@reddit
only some dishies, cougar urine excites many of them
darthlame@reddit
Sm00gz42@reddit
I_AM_A_GUY_AMA@reddit
There's probably a subreddit for that
Responsible_Arm_9555@reddit
Is your restaurant built of straw?
nexusjuan@reddit
You mean the vultures in the window?
Slumunistmanifisto@reddit
Those aunties have needs
coolcootermcgee@reddit
Notoriously Stealy Kitchen. I officially claim this band name.
freakingusernamedood@reddit
Ha, see? They'll get you every time.
MagoModerno@reddit
There’s two wolves inside of you and neither know what a caprese salad is.
dyereva@reddit
LOL, damn, for some reason this is the funniest comment I've read in weeks.
coolcootermcgee@reddit
They think it is supposed to be tuna salad with tomatoes in it, I think
dyereva@reddit
Maybe just mislabeled? Because tuna salad with tomatoes is great, but it is not even caprese adjacent. I thought it was maybe just really mushy mozzarella or something, but it is also kind of brown so idk.
7GrenciaMars@reddit
This makes a great sentence to use with no context whatsoever. Like, just to toss out when someone is asking for advice because they can't make a decision about. You just say it like they're expected to know what it means.
That's just one example. I am sure there would be other great uses. Share and Enjoy!
Proud-Ladder6428@reddit
😆
LolaAucoin@reddit
How plebeian. Were they raised by wolves?
Usual-Plantain-1991@reddit
Looks like the wolf has already eaten it once as well.
freakingusernamedood@reddit
Does look a bit predigested, doesn't it?
Usual-Plantain-1991@reddit
It’s a rather unpleasant presentation. Maybe it needs a garnish? Is it just over mixed? I dunno 😓
freakingusernamedood@reddit
As it is, I'm drawing a blank as well. Maybe it could be used as part of another dish, though? If its caprese, that means mozzarella, so maybe added to a pasta sauce or layered between sheets of lasagna noodles or something?
Usual-Plantain-1991@reddit
Yeah this would probably be great
AutomotivePanda@reddit
Did someone say Wolf?? He's the best damn chef around.
mug3n@reddit
Hey, he's one wolf trying to run an entire lodge, give him a break.
safetyCircuit@reddit
Then maybe they shouldn't be claiming to be so great.
Switchbladesaint@reddit
May be a great wolf but it’s not a great chef I’ll tell you that much
truemadqueen83@reddit
If I’m being honest my wolf dog loves salad. And would hate this. I can’t imagine her cooking us anything. I know it’d be made of dirt and grass partly.
freakingusernamedood@reddit
Weirdly enough, so does my cat. Boy loves some spinach.
AVeryHeavyBurtation@reddit
There's a Future Man joke in there somewhere...
spiritboy12345678910@reddit
But...he was great :(
IM_OSCAR_dot_com@reddit
Yeah at the wolf stuff
LilacLlamaMama@reddit
And at writing!!!! I don't see anybody giving these wolves enough credit for their obvious penmanship AND honesty.
freakingusernamedood@reddit
He was pretty great, I'll give you that. What a charmer.
Embarrassed_Mango679@reddit
I'd like to meet his tailor.
ForCryingInTheCorn@reddit
His hair was perfect
Hanifsefu@reddit
This is what happens when you go to a water park for the food....
Peripatetictyl@reddit
Leave it to the professionals
Foreign_Kale8773@reddit
A SHRIMP FRIED THIS RICE?! (I stg that joke has no business STILL being funny but here I am, going 'is that a shrimp ... OH MY GOD')
tuftopubichair@reddit
The problem is they didn't wash it down with a delicious wolf cola
PurpleHerder@reddit
Or even any other of Frank’s Fluids! Like Fight Milk
freakingusernamedood@reddit
Pupsi
probsthrowaway2@reddit
They let a carnivore make the salad, what a rookie mistake.
Affectionate-Buy6508@reddit
Not just a wolf...a lone wolf
Ninety9_Dex@reddit
I say this with all the hate in my heart, fuck GWL lmao
Also that is some slop
SofaKing_Chyl@reddit
That was a caprese. Just one that was eaten and then thrown up on a plate. Looks more like an unused food prop from 2 girls 1 cup.
Cormaculate@reddit
Looks infected
bigfatbanker@reddit
Since when is it illegal to put a caprese salad anywhere
ksizzle01@reddit
I see the tomato and I think basil. But where the hell is the FRESH Mozzarella?
mike_pants@reddit
This is one of those franchises that, the more I hear about it, the more mystified I am that anyone is giving them money.
Myearthsuit@reddit
I’m surprised. We have one about 1.5 hours away and most of my friends who have taken their kids love it. Well. Their kids loved it. Parents said it was exactly what you’d expect of taking kids to a water park (tiring and a little chaotic). It’s fairly cheap and kids wear themselves out.
mike_pants@reddit
The more I hear about having children, the more mystified I am that anyone does it on purpose.
MissGoodleaf@reddit
My cousin loves going here. Great Wolf Lodge is basically for giant families that have more money than they need but not enough money for an actual luxury vacation.
HabitNegative3137@reddit
I’ve also found a large correlation with white trash and rednecks loving GW
No_Story_Untold@reddit
Perfect description.
MansBestFred@reddit
sounds like me
imacatchyou@reddit
I stayed there for a conference once and getting wolf ears at check in made me giddy. I’ll never understand a mountain lodge-waterpark scheme for a hotel, though.
MrBeverly@reddit
Jay Peak in Vermont also has a waterpark so it's weird that it has happened twice lol
ShepPawnch@reddit
The one I’ve been to is in Wisconsin, and the vibe works, especially in the winter.
Phytanic@reddit
This is the first time I've heard they this outside the Dells ngl.
Anyways, it's been decades since Ive been to it, but I always thought the pools that you could swim outside to in middle of winter was so cool.
Lonely_Ad4325@reddit
Super fun for little kids, not insanely expensive. Not hard to suss out.
mike_pants@reddit
(points to picture)
It is very, very hard to suss out.
Besides, "super fun for little kids, not insanely expensive" also describes a balloon.
HeyCarpy@reddit
I get the feeling you don’t have kids.
mike_pants@reddit
I have eyes. That pic ain't worth whatever else is inside that building.
mishutu@reddit
Such a goofy take lol
mike_pants@reddit
Lol, I know, right??
ShepPawnch@reddit
If you can’t find it in your soul to enjoy a good water slide, I don’t know how to help you
mike_pants@reddit
If that slop is the price to pay, my soul is quite happy staying dry.
Schozinator@reddit
You could just eat something else?
mike_pants@reddit
If you offer me a chair covered in vomit, I'm gonna go ahead and leave without trying the other chairs, thanks ever so much.
hotsaucevjj@reddit
what happened to u that made u like this?
mike_pants@reddit
What happened to me to refuse to be served garbage?
...a healthy upbringing that left me with a bare minimum of self-respect?
Maybe I don't understand the question.
hotsaucevjj@reddit
no what happened that made u a pedant who aggressively tries to miss the point? u dont have to respond tho, i just thought it was weird how hard u were trying to misunderstand what other ppl were saying
mike_pants@reddit
I understand just fine. I disagree with their reasoning.
BardYak@reddit
You very clearly don't lmao.
Iguanabewithyou@reddit
Again, cause you clearly don't have kids. It's not rocket science
mike_pants@reddit
Again, I have eyes. It's not rocket science.
Besteal@reddit
Giant waterpark and hotel in one, and when I went when I was younger they had magiquest as well which was GREAT fun and definitely a great way to keep your kids occupied all day alongside the waterpark. Good rooms as well and add to the fact that it doesn’t break the bank like crazy and might be within a day’s drive for lots of people. No mystery at all
mike_pants@reddit
(points at pic)
Mystery remains.
ShittyPostWatchdog@reddit
OP is a dumbass for ordering prime rib and caprese salad at a great wolf lodge. It’s 100% a byo or “begrudginy overlay for mid but edible pizza and burgers” sort of place if you have to eat on site, just drive somewhere if you want a good meal. You’re not going there for good food, you’re going because it’s an indoor water park catered towards 5-10 year olds.
mike_pants@reddit
No, I assure you I'm not.
limerickMOH@reddit
They still have Magiquest and it's still insanely popular even with teenagers and some young adults. I feel like it's kind of genius because it appeals to kids who like video games but gets them up and moving and interacting with each other.
Sunshine030209@reddit
Also great for the middle of winter when your kids have been cooped up in the house and desperately need to run around all day expelling energy.
uglyheadink@reddit
I just heard that they launched a ranch flavored milkshake, topped with chicken nuggets, carrots, whipped cream,band celery.
CasanovaWong@reddit
It’s not that hard to understand. It’s a gigantic indoor waterpark that kids lose their fucking kids playing and having fun at and it doesn’t break the bank.
mike_pants@reddit
Kids losing their kids at a waterpark isn't that easy to understand.
dan420@reddit
Baby’s having babies.
moissan2nite@reddit
Then losing them.
Archercrash@reddit
I saw kids making babies in one of the waterslides, and one of the babies looked at me!
mrs_snrub67@reddit
The baby looked at you?
Gofa_Kirselph@reddit
He had as many arms as Vishnu and they were all very busy
Slumunistmanifisto@reddit
wtf is on my leg hair!?!
Iatemydoggo@reddit
I went here once as a small child and I have foggy dreamlike memories lol.
Sunshine030209@reddit
😮 Is Great Wolf Lodge the reason you ate your dog?!
DetectiveWood@reddit
Families. You can get a day pass and then you pay for parking. Easy $100 there. I went with my family earlier this year for my nieces birthday…… it was insanely packed. I was in aww at how many people were in this Wold Lodge that wasn’t near a big city. We were out in the sticks. Nothing to eat near it but fast food and a Walmart. It’s easy to have to spend money there
angel-girl-A@reddit
Hahaha the food we had there in the main restaurant was actually quite good. But overall I'm pretty iffy on the place.
ImmediateEjaculation@reddit
That place is the real life back rooms
pandro14@reddit
Sir, that’s cheese
my-love-assassin@reddit
It looks like some kind of excrement.
Fart_Barfington@reddit
Caprese Salad Salad
mostly_lurking1040@reddit
Looks like oatmeal with pinto beans? Or cranberries??
Ok_Prior9746@reddit
After it’s thrown up and then slap some fresh tomatoes on top, maybe
Minute-Unit9904s@reddit
r/greatwolflodge would love it
spicy_ass_mayo@reddit
“Caprese salad”
“You keep on using that word but I do not think it means what you think it means”
WhollyDisgusting@reddit
Its not
DestroytheAutons@reddit
IllBowl8728@reddit
Looks like something a coworker will bring in for lunch and tell you it's the best thing ever
TheComptrollersWife@reddit
“It’s called Crack Caprese and it’s better than sex!” -Lisa in Accounts Management
Operator_102@reddit
“Lisa, is the sex THAT bad?”
BlackBasementCats@reddit
They hate it when you ask that question. Because “Better Than Sex” cake isn’t nearly as good as the sex I’m having. It’s boxed chocolate cake mix with caramel and sweetened condensed milk drizzled on top then topped with Cool Whip. Makes my teeth hurt thinking about it, and I love sweetened condensed milk.
RainbowRaider@reddit
If I’m making box cake, I’ve started adding an extra tsp of baking powder to it. Makes them incredibly fluffy & it allows them to take the more liquid toppings better (like a tres leche cake).
IllBowl8728@reddit
drinks coconut lacroix from a Stanley travel mug
EducationalNailgun@reddit
I could be crawling through the desert, at Death's door with dehydration, and this shit would still make me gag like a rabies victim.
BlackBasementCats@reddit
I don’t know why LaCroix is so horrible when the Wegman’s store brand sparkling water is soooo delicious! I love the vanilla black cherry and peach flavors. I mix in a little xylitol “sugar” syrup to sweeten it, but you could use whatever sweetener you like. It’s like a craft soda. I don’t add enough sweetener to make it taste like soda. Just enough to make it sing.
Legitimate-Week7885@reddit
i, too, would choose death over that shit.
taojones87@reddit
You're right, why coconut? I miss original.
les_catacombes@reddit
I love seltzer but the Coconut La Croix tastes like sunscreen.
ToasterBathTester@reddit
chellmada@reddit
wow this is too spot on
DrHutchisonsHook@reddit
"Marry Me" caprese tuna salad she found on tiktok
kurinevair666@reddit
This easy recipe only 5 ingredients you already have. One pan recipe that only 5 minutes to make.
The recipe: 30 ingredients, 6 of which no one has heard of and you have to get from a specialty shop. Uses every dish in your kitchen, and take 15 hours to prepare.
goddamn_slutmuffin@reddit
You only need one pan, but it needs to be this very specifically shaped cast iron pan and they will only say this after you've already started cooking. And that cast iron pan now needs to be put in the oven to bake a little, so whatever pan you used before is now likely useless for that. So now you have more dishes, yay.
Oh, and you're not going to get a time or temperature for that bake!
kurinevair666@reddit
Oh and I forgot under $5, when one of those weird ingredients costs $50, you only need a tablespoon but they only sell it in 5lb bags.
9balls__@reddit
I hate to say I would probably devour this, I love slop
Xfuck1tX@reddit
Financial_Attempt380@reddit
I’ve been there twice and there’s a buffet?! We usually just get a large cheese pizza to split.
IntentionAromatic523@reddit
Looks like course oatmeal with bloated raisins… or bugs. Hard pass.
KraljZ@reddit
Looks like the throw up my dog just had right on the carpet.
booked25@reddit
Their food is so disgusting. We couldn’t eat while there.
ArynTW_is_user_karma@reddit
That’s the caprese salad after the chef digested it.
Demiurge_Ferikad@reddit
I'm usually one for flexible definitions for a dish...but no. That's not a caprese salad by any defnition.
UnawareChanel@reddit
Gleep with a side of glorp
Roundturnip93@reddit
This is the worst yeast infection I've ever seen.
TarzanGunn@reddit
It’s thinking….
Dontfeedthebears@reddit
Bro, wtf 😂😂😂
Whatsausername4190@reddit
Ahaahahahahahaha
Tpbrown_@reddit
It’s a kids place. Order nothing but hotdogs
wendytorrence@reddit
Tuna salad with beans, my fav
riverscolors@reddit
caprese soup
DerangedRhinoceras@reddit
Is it regurgitated?
deaddhead69@reddit
Wolf out
Barglesed@reddit
Don’t care. Smash
Absorbe@reddit
I would so fucking mad if I ordered then received this.
OriginalUnfair7402@reddit
I was never happier than when my kids grew out of the indoor water park phase of their lives😂😂
havetopee@reddit
Jesus that is horrifying
Natronsbro@reddit
I took my family (2 young kids) there a few years ago. We had had a blast. It was like a super cheap trip to Disney land, except no crazy lines.
We spent a lot of money, but the kids had nonstop fun.
It wasn't my ideal vacation, but they were so happy I couldn't help but enjoy it.
maxpaver@reddit (OP)
Yes, I enjoy Great Wolf Lodge. Just not the caprese salad.
Natronsbro@reddit
Looks horrible. What is in there?
Looks like ricotta cheese with tomato on top.
TheVog@reddit
Close! It's actually smegma.
Rosa_Mariechen@reddit
sterling_mallory@reddit
Looks like a bunch of opened-up burrata with grape tomatoes and dried basil, mixed with some balsamic which is giving it that brownish color.
gcs1009@reddit
Omg! I thought they were kidney beans haha
chefrocksalot@reddit
Or stracciatella mixed with the crud from the flat top grill and cranberries
MonkeyBred@reddit
I think Yellow Feather would disapprove of this "salad."
Grovers_HxC@reddit
My grandma used to take me there all the time when I would visit her in Michigan as a kid.
-worryaboutyourself-@reddit
Come on take one for the team and eat some so we can know what’s in it!
maxpaver@reddit (OP)
I would have tried it, but I was very busy trying to chew my prime rib.
conspicuousmatchcut@reddit
It looks like an AI salad that became real
sessilefielder@reddit
How can you spend a lot of money on a super cheap trip?
Natronsbro@reddit
Super cheap compared to Disney Land. Go to Disney for three days. After that go to wolf lodge for three days. They will both cost a lot, but one costs significantly more.
downwardchip@reddit
They probably meant "cheaper than a trip to Disney", but worded it strangely.
Herbisher_Berbisher@reddit
They enjoy a good paradox.
agoia@reddit
Because that's still less than a trip to Disney, I guess?
HeyCarpy@reddit
Yeah I mean, the kids have a blast and pass out early, you order pizza and play cards and get drunk in your room, you don’t have to fly anywhere, it’s really not awful.
maxpaver@reddit (OP)
I generally agree. This time, the bathroom of the first room they gave us was infested with fire ants. But the second room they gave us did not have any fire ants, which was better.
HeyCarpy@reddit
The second room definitely does sound better.
NetworkOk5234@reddit
LF ingredient list
Ambitious_Finger1039@reddit
Wth?
Wiggles28066@reddit
Oh wow, I love when my vacations include having fresh vomit served to me
Decent-Criticism5086@reddit
Looking more like wolf pup food regurgitated 😳
Hasd4@reddit
I barfed better looking slops
InfotainmentScam@reddit
"This motherfucker eatin' beans!"
540life@reddit
Lesson learned a no caprese at the water park
Smooth-Ad-9758@reddit
Thought this was a regular sized spoon with really tiny tomatoes and I was mad confused
Maleficent-Ad9010@reddit
I didn’t see this the last time I was there (Anaheim) they actually had a dam good buffet.
Sithlordandsavior@reddit
For some reason the perspective confused me and I thought this was a spoon full of oatmeal and tiny beans
maxpaver@reddit (OP)
And a cute little sign.
DalMakhaniChutney@reddit
The ole’ bowl of slippery
FairTurn2642@reddit
Regurgitated
cyunab@reddit
what a waste of cherry tomatoes
BlackBasementCats@reddit
That looks like chicken or tuna salad and contains beans.
Caprese salad is so simple.
Get_Back_Here_Remi@reddit
We went to GWL a few times in Washington and omg never again. Norovirus. Enough said.
Oliveramethysttree@reddit
That’s vomit
poppycat82@reddit
Chichi793@reddit
Looks like my baby’s 🤮
On_Wife_support@reddit
I just watched The Menu last night and they would definitely serve this type of shit at Hawthorne
mrlucky1-73@reddit
I’m real sure I wouldn’t be eating that-
ellyanah@reddit
Yikes
Lolobecks@reddit
I think this is already digested caprese salad.
Medical-Welcome-9666@reddit
retch
thank_the_omnissiah@reddit
What about this is either "Caprese" or ""salad"?
mkultron89@reddit
Just a little FYI, the Niagara Falls location has awesome food and the buffet is always great. I don’t know what this location this was served at by I can fairly confidently say it’s not the Canadian GWL.
QuietMolasses2522@reddit
Looks like caprese vomit
iShrub@reddit
I thought this was oatmeal with wolfberries from the preview </3
kindalingual60@reddit
This reminds me of a food reps story in SF decades ago: he's making the rounds with another guy, is in a kitchen and the chef asks them if they'd taste something. Hands them both a spoonful. One goes mmmm, chicken in a lemon cream? The other says nooo, it's tuna in a yogurt dressing. The chef looks at them wide eyed and says, No! It's plain cooked chicken! Do you think it went bad? He never told me the restaurant. I never forgive him.
RequitedNonSequitur@reddit
If you are at a Great Wolf Lodge (indoor water park/biological weapons creation facility) and expect to get authentic Italian Caprese you might be...
Actually, it reminds me of that "food reviewer" Marilyn Hagerty. She wrote that really positive review of Olive Garden. Got a lot of crap and eventually Anthony Bourdain stepped in and backed her up.
So, if you think that this "Caprese Salad" from a Great Wolf Lodge is...not acceptable...well, I fully agree with your assessment. You are right. Caprese Salad should not look like that.
PurplePenguinPoops@reddit
Bean barf salad
Naughty_Monsters@reddit
I've vomited up stuff that looks more appetising than that.
WithASackOfAlmonds@reddit
I zoomed in and wished I hadn't. Looks absolutely disgusting
cupofcoffeecupof@reddit
ABCaprese
MisterTruth@reddit
How does it compare to the Cobb salad at Kalahari?
MrsNaypeer@reddit
I ha e never heard anything good about Great Wolf Lodge and yet, people keep going there.
DowntownChest3754@reddit
It’s like chucky cheese but you get to sleep over
SawinBunda@reddit
Maybe it was before the first time it was eaten.
gerblnutz@reddit
AWWWWW WOLF OUT!!!
gorthead@reddit
I thought this was porridge with cranberries until I zoomed in. Wtf 🤢
freakmeout123@reddit
where can i buyy!!
Mountain_Recover_719@reddit
Don’t judge a book by its cover. Taste it 😅
WE_ARE_YOUR_FRIENDS@reddit
Love that they substituted dry basil for fresh basil and didn’t think it would matter
DestinedAscension123@reddit
You can be sure. That’s not a career salad.
Mulva1971@reddit
I think it’s oatmeal with cranberries.
Particular_Bid5976@reddit
I thought it was oatmeal.
freakmeout123@reddit
ohhh now that’sa yummy
shamwowj@reddit
alexnoyle@reddit
I had the best coffee of my life there.
Worshipthekitty@reddit
Why is it curling tf
bobbygamerdckhd@reddit
Did you try the ranch shake?
BigTreddits@reddit
Everyone i know leaves this place and says it was amazing but a summary google search isnt duplicating that enthusiasm.
korewednesday@reddit
It was absolutely lit back when there was just the one and it was Black Wolf Lodge. Definitely my family’s favourite place to go for a smallish trip. My parents would come up with reasons to go on a fake-weekend (like Tuesday-Friday instead of the actual weekend) trip. Still pretty good right after the transition. We didn’t go any more after I think… the second time after that, though? Third? Something like.
And the one closest to me now was Key Lime Cove in Gurnee, and Key Lime Cove was profoundly all right to begin with (my dad wanted to stay there on a trip here once, and he rather conspicuously did not want to a second time…); I can’t imagine covering the Florida pastel theme with north woods cabin stickers has improved it.
shenanigans2day@reddit
I took my boys to one like 9 or 10 years ago when they were little, they had a great time so it was money well spent imo. If you use Groupon it isn’t very expensive at all for a week long vacation (if they still have deak on there for this place).
ThrowAway_ticketCH@reddit
Pre-digested too, nice!
LatterParty182@reddit
i think that’s so delicious
Much-Meringue-7467@reddit
Capricious salad
Elbarto_007@reddit
DonatedEyeballs@reddit
What is Great Wolf Lodge? Is it a cult? Why does the food look like that?
Sworn_to_Ganondorf@reddit
Tiktok food
golgol12@reddit
No, that's a different dish that someone put down where the salad should be.
Caprese salad is tomato, mozzarella, and basil.
Character-Elk3139@reddit
Nice slop
ColdStockSweat@reddit
I'm absolutely certain they call it Caprese salad.
dj_1973@reddit
It looks like instant diarrhea. Bad plan at a waterslide park.
fishsticksociety@reddit
Diarrhea
JackYoMeme@reddit
Wisconsin style caprese
Plastic_Happy@reddit
I am sure, it is not!
sonicboomslang@reddit
Great Wolf Lodge is awesome if you have kids. The Waterpark that is. Everything else is poorly executed and way overpriced (bring your own food and ignore all the other non-waterpark crap...if you can handle telling your kids no to all the other shit).
MRHOWERDCEO@reddit
PLACE SEEMS OVARATED
cornbeefmchashem@reddit
The food is very bad at GWL
x86_64_@reddit
Last time we went, we ate at Mcdonalds and a great diner down the road (Poconos location)
ONE-EYE-OPTIC@reddit
Which Great Wolf Lodge? We're going to the one in Grand Mound, WA in a few weeks. I would rather not eat at the Lodge and get groceries for sandwiches. This would help my cause.
x86_64_@reddit
I just made the mistake of going to the one in PA. We used to go once a year, probably six times in all. Never again.
They tried to gentrify the hell out of the place, all the nice people are replaced with kiosks, they hiked prices for everything, charge $25 a night for parking, and the place is packed wall to wall because now they're selling day passes to the water park. The whole point of going here was that only people renting rooms in the hotel were using the water park. MagiQuest has been ruined, the restaurants are just bad, and the rooms are in serious disrepair (they must have spent all that "renovation" money on the villas).
maxpaver@reddit (OP)
Not that one, but the menus are standardized, I think.
Dixnorkel@reddit
I have to know if it was in the midwest, my friend works at one of these
PoopTransplant@reddit
I had to look up what a great wolf lodge was, and to no surprise from this dish labeled a salad, it’s midwestern.
SpaceLemur34@reddit
Caprese salad is Italian, and it's typically tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, basil, and maybe some oil and balsamic vinegar.
It looks like it could technically have all those things, but not in the property proportions, or perpetrations.
AggressiveBench9977@reddit
I mean a salad by definition is just “a mixture containing a specified ingredient served with a dressing”
Like tuna salad, and macaroni salad.
The idea that salad has to have leafy greens in it is because thats just the most popular type of salad
Leopold_Darkworth@reddit
One wonders if a Midwesterner knows what a caprese salad is. I’m from the Midwest. I don’t live there anymore, but when I did live there, I wouldn’t have known what a caprese salad is.
lilacs_and_marigolds@reddit
There's one in Georgia. I looked at the website and wasn't impressed.
vercetian@reddit
There's one a couple hours away from me in Washington. I'm definitely going to go.
space-cake@reddit
I went as a kid for my friends birthday in Washington. We all had just got Nintendo DS and the new Pokémon at the time so the drive up was spent playing that and honestly had a blast at the park. Probably one of my better memories as a child you should go
Same_Mood_8543@reddit
Well, you'll have plenty of time to update us from the toilet.
claretamazon@reddit
Got one in Williamsburg, VA not too far from me.
TheTipsyWizard@reddit
Monssly@reddit
"I am now queasy" salad
yatrickya225@reddit
I don’t think I’ll ever have anything good from there well, the fries were OK.
kenneth4891@reddit
nice and somebody even prechewed it for you, thats what I call a service
BALLrash666@reddit
It's beans and cheeses, no argument needed
TragicWithNoEnd@reddit
Was it good?
casual_dramatic@reddit
That looks like tuna salad and nacy beans, lol
Poullafouca@reddit
JESUS
pruess241@reddit
I thought this was oatmeal
snoogle312@reddit
I thought it was raw focaccia dough.
lavenderghostboy@reddit
Why is it that color.....
KeysmashKhajiit@reddit
Eugh, it looks like tomato oatmeal.
ComeHereOften1972@reddit
Kinda makes me wanna barf. Can we call it barf salad?
Gayl0rdF0cker@reddit
If Great Wolf's menu offerings were served in prisons, it would be a violation of the 8th amendment.
Aside from the food, the Kids had a blast and the staff were great.
MalignantLugnut@reddit
Is that dried basil, from a shaker?
Frostsorrow@reddit
Thought that was oatmeal...
jjb0ne@reddit
dairy and soy??
JudgeRicand@reddit
I call it upsetting
ritlingit@reddit
wtf is in that? I thought it was oatmeal but it’s too big compared to the grape tomatoes. Is it tuna? It looks like something my cat did on my rug 2 days ago.
Wikiwikiwa@reddit
I thought i was still looking at my insect subreddit
Upbeat_Stretch_5724@reddit
Kinda looks like it was scooped out of the drain catch. 😬
Lucipet@reddit
Wisconsin just does it different... see old fashioneds
Historical_Smell1929@reddit
My Sim just made this and all imma say is, someone is missing the “salad” point
evlmgs@reddit
Isn't this the same chain that had that Ranch (like the dressing) milkshake recently? I'd like to know what the chefs back there are smoking.
IamZ9834@reddit
checks out. prob found in the lake
Critical_Training455@reddit
Crappezze Salad tossed with anal beads
Live_Television7810@reddit
Looks like their take on Garmonbozia. The bastards.
No_University7832@reddit
WTF?
Objective-City-6663@reddit
Grate Wolf Lodge felt like staying at a mental hospital with an indoor waterpark and arcade
exandohhh@reddit
This shit looks like kidney beans in oatmeal
Odur29@reddit
Based on what I know about how Great Wolf Lodge maintains it's water lodges, I wouldn't eat anything they served me.
commonbleachenjoyer@reddit
I think my dog threw this up once
Legitimate-Week7885@reddit
then my dog ate your dog's throw up and threw it up. inception caprese salad
armex88@reddit
Is it chicken salad with tomato and Mozz? It’s not caprese salad but I’d eat it
LincredibleOne@reddit
Did someone eat it first, then vomit it back up onto this plate?
The_Great_UncleanOne@reddit
2 out of 10, I'd eat the whole bowl.
whatdafaq@reddit
Did someone order the Craprese Salad
mishutu@reddit
I had to tilt my phone away from the heavens to look at this photo. My father is absolutely rolling in his grave over this
Rose1982@reddit
That looks like vomit after you sucked back a few whole cherry tomatoes.
CFHQYH@reddit
Beans in tuna salad on a warm summer day.
VanillaLaceKisses@reddit
It’s absolutely not Caprese salad, but it’s good. They get a ⭐️ for trying lol
Luser420@reddit
me when a minnesota thing mentioned
salami_cheeks@reddit
My Sicilian grandmother frequently made this with pasta shells, milk, a can of cream of mushroom, and grass clippings from the lawnmower.
theChzziest@reddit
More like crapeasy
Fast_Restaurant6488@reddit
Ill have some of the yella
MRG_1977@reddit
Instantly thought of this. That’s “crapese salad” to some equivalent.
Bairhanz@reddit
This is so fuckin funny my god
Breecanna@reddit
Great Wolf Lodge = Oregon Trail. You will die of dysentery. It’s a matter of when and how you contract it. Salad bar? Lazy river crossing? Little Joey?
This-Unit-1954@reddit
More like Inferior Wolf Lodge.
ChatnNaked@reddit
I keep picking up Great Wolf Lodge magic wands at Good Will for $2-3 in Nor Cal. They look cool, never going.
Mouthshits@reddit
Looks a lot like a caprese salad…….that was eaten with pasta and then promptly vomited up afterwards.
Critical_Mention5223@reddit
He is not a great wolf
out_of_shape_hiker@reddit
I bet it has mayo.
Bdassmf@reddit
Crappyse
twinsxtwins@reddit
My child just asked "what are the chunks?" And I think that is the only question.
the_noise_we_made@reddit
What the hell is that? It looks like premade tuna salad with the saddest shriveled up tomatoes I've ever seen. That's not caprese 😵💫
deephaven@reddit
Vile.
SushiLover1000@reddit
You sure that’s not a misplaced placard on the buffet?
NeroCantSkate@reddit
The one by me recently started charging $20 for parking but didn’t add any security. On Thanksgiving, around 90 cars got broken into
_SoftPink@reddit
This salad’s identity crisis is real!
GloomyUmpire2146@reddit
Oatmeal with raisins?
Right_Hour@reddit
What? That’s what it looks like when I barf caprese salad. Totally checks out.
Bloodysamflint@reddit
OP, I don't know where you're at, but Kalahari>Great Wolf.
Took the kids to GW years ago, it was ok; went to Kalahari for the eclipse, it was great; went back to GW recently and was severely underwhelmed. Skeleton staff, kinda dirty, food was not good. The kids agreed that we'll drive a few extra hours to Kalahari if we want to do an indoor water park again.
currentlyRedacted@reddit
Dapper-Razzmatazz-60@reddit
Dah fuk?
Syandris@reddit
Were you expecting gourmet?
mamandapanda@reddit
It looks like someone threw up a caprese salad
warriorwoman534@reddit
It looks like dog vomit with cherry tomatoes.
Bishmoggle@reddit
Wolf vomit
lnt12_cw23@reddit
This is the wettest caprese I've ever seen...
NECA-nerd83@reddit
Maybe they used burrata?
MaleficentWindow8972@reddit
Poorata
NumfarsDanceofShame@reddit
Let us hope.
Xyresic_Vibrissae@reddit
Looks like rice pudding with beans
bang_Noir@reddit
I took my kids there for their birthday. I didn't even consider eating at a buffet full of children. We ate at the little restaurants sprinkled about.
FutureFriendly8738@reddit
doge_ucf@reddit
I've been staring at this for five minutes now and I cannot figure out what this is. Is it a caprese pasta salad? Is it ricotta mixed with mozzarella chunks? Is it what accumulates in the sink strainer after doing dishes?
ATEbitWOLF@reddit
Looks like marijuana to me, did you find it in Toby’s desk?
Unhappy-Buy-9088@reddit
No, Michael!
Oodles-of-Noodles12@reddit
What the fuck is that
KommandoKazumi@reddit
Is the salad in the room with us?
Silvawuff@reddit
It looks like it will be through you rather quickly if you try eating it
Herbisher_Berbisher@reddit
It's right behind you.
Smoopiebear@reddit
Caprese Salad that was harfed up by a small child?
GeorgiePorgie2358@reddit
This is like a potato salad that wants to grow up to be oatmeal and stumbled into a bin full of dill on the way.
kingthirteen@reddit
I don’t understand how so many people get sick here. I mean I see pool, buffet, but like… what are other contagion vectors? Are the water slides indoors? Is everyone in a closet together? Where’s the pink eye and ringworm and norovirus and diarrhea I’m reading about getting contracted here?
maxpaver@reddit (OP)
Yes, the water slides are indoors.
westernjuni@reddit
Barf :/
koolaidismything@reddit
That’s some type of bean dip or something slid to the wrong tag. No way that’s caprici or however that’s spelled.
Sea_Structure_8692@reddit
They just chewed up part of it for you
viper9172@reddit
I used to work at one and it genuinely is just a garbage business. The food is just one piece of a very shitty puzzle, but just to add onto the pile did you know (you could probably tell) that those expensive as fuck chicken tenders in the waterpark are Tyson brand? Bottom shelf in the freezers at Walmart.
Security is hilariously lacking for how much they advertise their RFID-wristbands and for how many flock cameras they post around (+half the interior cams do not work or are POINTING AT WALLS). Their training post-licensing consists of signing some papers stating they explained everything to you even if all they did was tell you to sign it.
My location was CONSTANTLY under renovation, so much so that I knew the contractor’s names better than some of the staff from housekeeping (which is half in-house staff and half third party both with massive turnover)
Those magiquest wants have a unit price of around 2 or 3 dollars per wand. The little attachments are a dollar or less. The whole game turns off at 10 but you will be hearing every single interactable going off constantly before the blessed silence. Oh, and yes, it is literally designed to make you take as many stairs as possible. The elevators are always too crowded, yet the stairs will be too.
Did your eyes sting like hell in the waterpark? This can happen in the summer, but it’s especially bad in the winter. Your eyes sting because the chlorine in the water is evaporating faster than the HVAC systems are pulling it out of the air. If this happens in the summer, that’s because the fans rusted and snapped because chlorine is an evil chemical. If this happens in the winter, it’s because they are running the heaters which pulls out less chlorinated air I fuckin guess. The pool staff and lifeguards are mostly teenagers and young adults, but genuinely the aquatics manager and engineering teams were the only people with their heads screwed on.
Most people I worked with actually liked the job at first. It can be a LOT no matter your department just with the sheer volume of guests but it’s fun giving someone that fun vacation experience. You notice the cracks pretty quickly though, one of my coworkers told me when I was new “this is going to feel like a cult and your best bet is to drink the punch.” Verbatim. He was one of two people in that department that had been there for over a decade, everyone else was two years or less.
Plus it’s owned by Blackstone yippeee.
JeremiahsBirdsnBikes@reddit
Looks like Anthe's bean salad
KittyIsAn9ry@reddit
Egg, tuna, tomato flavored vomit? Is that what I’m looking at? Is it supposed to be caprese because there’s tomatoes? I guess you can call Waldorf salads apple pies then since they both have apples lol
Nelle911529@reddit
At those prices this is a option of food?
ProperPerspective571@reddit
That’s what someone threw up after eating berries from the wrong bush
Ok_Nothing_8028@reddit
Not even close to caprese salad
Collagekids@reddit
What did it look like before you chewed it?
hauntedmeal@reddit
😆
YankSwank@reddit
I think they were trying for "Crapese Salad"
imakebeernotmoney@reddit
More like CRAPrese Salad ba dum tiss. I apologize for that. I'll see myself out.
OkiDokiPanic@reddit
I have no idea what a Great Wolf Lodge is, but that sounds amazing.
The food is unfortunate, though.
dfmoti@reddit
Looks like throw up with kidney beans
AumeZ@reddit
Maybe if it was already eaten and thrown back up.
Im_A_Nice_Karen666@reddit
It looks like REALLY WET tuna salad!
NoooExcusesss@reddit
Idk it’s swimming in something way too much …
boston2lalaland@reddit
OMG That’s ‘Caprese Salad’? Yeah sure…pfft. After a momma bird has processed & regurgitated it for the baby birds. I thought to myself that maybe Caprese Salad’s changed, but no, not at all. There’s no resemblance to it in that picture. Expect to see bright colors & crisp textures. Reminds folks of the Italian flag. 🇮🇹 Not, ‘erm, that. Whatever that is.
Lowermains@reddit
Is the dog feeling any better?😉
VintageBlazers@reddit
Yeast infection on your period (clotty)
Readinglateatmorning@reddit
Yeah take a gulp full of that then hit the water slides kid
seanbray@reddit
My wife and I were told that they had a buffet there, and the nearest one isn't that far away.
The next night we went to the nearest Great Wolf Lodge to check it out, went into the buffet restaurant and met the waitress. She took our drink order and we headed to the buffet.
The buffet was so sad. We left there immediately and let the waitress know that we would pay for our drinks. She said, "You were disappointed in the buffet? Yeah. It isn't very impressive. You are all good."
Apparently, that happens a lot.
hehampilotifly@reddit
I thought the tomatoes were ibuprofen at first glance.
RemarkablePay6994@reddit
Is that like mashed up mozzarella I thought it was something else
PTBooks@reddit
Look more like a caprese Mac and cheese
Grammarhole@reddit
👎🏻
ILikeDragonTurtles@reddit
Why does it look so...vomity?
87YoungTed@reddit
IDK wtf this is but's not like any caprese I've ever seen. looks a lot like vomit to me.
spaceporter@reddit
Are you in Wisconsin or Minnesota?
QuesadillaSauce@reddit
They have these bitches all over the country. There’s one 10 miles from me in central California
spaceporter@reddit
Yes, but turning things into potato salad is only acceptable in a couple states.
susanbontheknees@reddit
That looks whack. But my family and I used to go every year and we would take all the kids. We would rent a cabana and drink all day while the kids had the time of their life. It wasn't the cheapest, but it made memories and the adults managed to have a good time too.
TEA1972@reddit
That looks like a very mayonnaisee macaroni tuna salad. 😕
Usual-Plantain-1991@reddit
Predigested salad
Delta632@reddit
Looks virtually untouched.
Looks like Italian vomit.
ozzalot@reddit
JimmyJooish@reddit
Before I read the title I thought was oatmeal and beans.
ars_necromantia@reddit
I have thrown up things that looked more appealing than that.
Thehamburgs@reddit
Ew
heyo_1989@reddit
I took a caprese salad this morning then
maxpaver@reddit (OP)
I just laughed so hard caprese salad came out my nose.
Cupcake541@reddit
Soy is not an ingredient in Caprese salad, and that looks like tomatoes trying to swim out of vomit.
Taolan13@reddit
That looks like watery pasta or potato salad with tomatos.
I don't see a shred of basil or a drop of balsamic.
Master_Maniac@reddit
You must have misheard them, this is clearly cat pee salad
ZayreBlairdere@reddit
That is a plate full of lies!
Herbisher_Berbisher@reddit
Caprese salad is slices of delicious sun ripened tomato, slices of fresh mozzarella (bufala if possible) and fresh leaves of fragrant basil. Sprinkled with some salt and some extra virgin olive oil. A little balsamic vineger if you're feeling fancy.
thecheeseb0rn@reddit
I would devour that with balsamic vinegar and toasted bread
Turbulent-Matter501@reddit
now I want bruschetta
DatTomahawk@reddit
It’s definitely not caprese salad, but I bet it’d still taste pretty good. Looks like it’d be nice in a sandwich
maxpaver@reddit (OP)
I don’t think you are correct. The brown tinge is not just the lighting. And the slime is quite viscous.
Turbulent-Matter501@reddit
oh eeewwww I thought the tinge was the lighting ew noooo.....
WateryTart_ndSword@reddit
My guess is that the brown comes from some kind of balsamic vinegar?
And I bet the weird little flecks are because they just used dried basil flakes (instead of fresh leaves).
Looks like instead of laying it out all pretty (which is like, half the point), they just mixed everything in a giant bowl. And probably didn’t even drain the mozzarella water off. And definitely didn’t use enough tomatoes.
coldtohot@reddit
>And the slime is quite viscous.
*flaps arms in disgust*
Gonzotiki@reddit
Slurm
NeonHammer@reddit
Looks like beans in puke.
Ellia1998@reddit
My kids love that place. But never eat the food and breakfast sammie for breakfast’s and meat and cheese and fruit for lunch and dinner. We just go out. Better food same price and sometimes cheaper. We never been sick from that place. Great wolf lodge had a ton of germy little kids around. Most adult and some kids can’t handle that place.
swervecityPhILM@reddit
Bruh. Not even close.
Frankenreich@reddit
Caplease don’t eat that
RayHazey562@reddit
Dog throw up with tomatoes
jonny_jon_jon@reddit
whut?
hungry4ass69@reddit
oh that’s repulsive
darkskys100@reddit
It looks like vomit. The restaurant manager shouldn't allow something that doesn't even resemble what the posted name/description is on the line. Seriously, who would eat this.
ohgeeokay@reddit
That looks like what I vomited after getting food poisoning from a caprese salad
Figgy_Puddin_Taine@reddit
more like I’M QUEASY salad
Solid-Feature-7678@reddit
Who ate it before you.
Terrible-Tree-8851@reddit
For the price of their rooms this is beyond unacceptable.
myinquisitiveself@reddit
LegalCountry2525@reddit
Gross.
CampingWithCats@reddit
That looks like oatmeal with olives
peace-out-28495@reddit
They need to rename that or change the recipe. Wtf is that.
LegalCountry2525@reddit
Ew absolutely not.
murphyat@reddit
Wolf Vegas is trip’n
LordsOfFrenziedFlame@reddit
Great Wolf Lodge is complete ass. I bet that cost you like $30
parrow@reddit
i thought it was a pasta with cream sauce 🤢
all8things@reddit
That’s just WRONG.
cheesesteakhellscape@reddit
it looks like the contents of a boil 😭
makeupandjustice@reddit
I ended up with a terrible case of food poisoning last time I went to GWL. Awful.
real-crackheadhours@reddit
Did they pre-chew it?
lalaeddie@reddit
Looks like shit. It might have the ingredients of a caprese, but it's disgusting looking.
AsparagusOverall8454@reddit
Oh yikes
jimgella@reddit
Did you try it?
Wolfygirl97@reddit
I remember going here on a family trip with my mom and siblings and it wasn’t a great experience. They gave us the wrong room and didn’t have the room we had reserved so we were put in a cheaper room. The worst part was the fire alarm going off ALL NIGHT LONG ON AND OFF. There was no fire btw.
berkeleyteacher@reddit
That made my stomach flip.
Gimmemyspoon@reddit
I gave it a full on 5 star gag.
Ok_Orchid7131@reddit
Ugh, lazy man’s caprese. That’s the worst.
Dallas2houston120@reddit
That looks CaPRAZY
famousanonamos@reddit
I thought the picture was oatmeal with kidney beans, which also would have been gross. Caprese salad wouldn't have ever crossed my mind.
ThunderFlash10@reddit
Have they ever even seen a picture of a Caprese salad?
Rhodin265@reddit
Was this before or after it was eaten?
illmade_knight@reddit
r/poopfromabutt
SkynetLurking@reddit
No
Eskelsar@reddit
Crazy. I live 15 minutes from one of these. Didn't even realize what it was til reading these comments.
mintbloo@reddit
i've heard about this place. a lot of people don't like the food there lol
RetMilRob@reddit
I’d rather vacation on north sentinel island
DankDandalions@reddit
Please try the Ranch Milkshake thank you
MetalBlizzard@reddit
Crapese salad
roughczech@reddit
Wtf is that? What is all that white mushy stuff? What happened to a few simple ingredients?
Elfingreene@reddit
This looks like puke.
halexanderamilton@reddit
It looks like really soupy tuna salad with tomatoes 🤢
later-g8r@reddit
Maybe this is their "rendition" of the caprese salad. And it looks a little expired... I dont think the cheese should look like tuna
Irish4778@reddit
Great Wolfe 🤢 nothing like swimming in a pool of piss and chlorine
costaccounting@reddit
They could just Google their own food
consumeshroomz@reddit
They fucking what now?
RidethatTide@reddit
Great Wolf sucks. This probably cost $29/month. Drink not included
PinchedTazerZ0@reddit
I went to school in Texas and we would do an annual band trip to Great Wolf Lodge for some reason. I hated that place but I don't really dig waterparks so I'm not really the audience. I didn't realize it was a chain until like a decade later
roseorrueorlaurel@reddit
GWL is supposed to be a messy time. It’s part of the experience. Their breakfast is decent.
DrPants707@reddit
The only way this could be semi acceptable is if it was supposed to be a pasta salad. But even then...
VeryInterestedInDix@reddit
That's the fat guy special right there