Mean Girls and their books

It was just called “the yearbook”. We didn’t have affordable photo options in mass, editable quantities, and it took a really long time to get them developed. I hated Ashley *last week*. But then she gave me her Bel Biv Devoe tape, and now I don’t want to draw Satan eyes & horns on her photo *this week*. There was no furious instant gratification there. They didn’t invent that yet. The routine went: - Receive yearbook, get/beg everyone (or no one, in some of our cases) to write insincere ‘keep in touch’, ‘you are my fav student & not annoying at all’, ‘watch out for killer bees’, death threats, so on and so forth. - Get it home, display to parents their money well spent on photos of other people’s ugly children. Point at random people and say things like “he’s such a math whiz!” (your dealer), “this girl leads the after-school prayer circle, we’re so blessed to have her” (did several keg stands at grad party), and so on and so forth. After they are bored to death, with no interest in ever seeing it again, you… - Jump on phone with friends, commence utterly destruction classmates. The crimes received life punishments. Bad photo, flaccid bangs, eats Jello weird, bad at roller skating, never shared her Squeez-Its, he kissed that bee-otch Ashley who we hate again today. It was pretty gruesome. - Throw it in box that goes to the attic when your parents turn your room into a gym. Find it 30-ish years later, repeat process. But now it’s “he died last week, she died last week, this one has cancer, that one has cancer, they divorced after a month, here a meth, there a meth, everywhere a meth meth, we still hate Ashley.”