Is my boyfriend being naive about a stag do to Ibiza?

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continentaldreams@reddit

What's that got to do with what I said? I can be a feminist and still see when someone is letting their insecurities wreak havoc.

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Randystarbuxx@reddit

“Insecure as hell” if she was/is, how does this statement help her?

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continentaldreams@reddit

By highlighting that she's perhaps concerned about the wrong thing? Tough love never hurt anyone.

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continentaldreams@reddit

Due to the fact that you keep calling me that, I'm going to assume you're a middle aged bloke who peaked in the 90s who has no concept of sisterhood whatsoever! Bye bye

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Ok_Adhesiveness_8637@reddit

If you carry on like this he is gonna get his member wet a few times in ibiza. Ibiza isnt bloody Magaluf. Are you aware there is 2 very different sides to the island?

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Correct-Brilliant950@reddit (OP)

I absolutely didn't know. Whenever I hear about Ibiza it's always one huge rave, I've never heard/read anything else.

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Then you litterally have never googled "ibiza" have you? "Ibiza is one of the Balearic islands, an archipelago of Spain in the Mediterranean Sea. It's well known for the lively nightlife in Ibiza Town and Sant Antoni, where major European nightclubs have summer outposts. It’s also home to quiet villages, yoga retreats and beaches, from Platja d'en Bossa, lined with hotels, bars and shops, to quieter sandy coves backed by pine-clad hills found all around the coast"

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Correct-Brilliant950@reddit (OP)

I'm not stupid... Yeah that's how Google describes it. But I see it doesn't include any information about its reputation any further than "lively nightlife". Lively is a bit of an understatement. No one I've ever spoken to has ever gone to Ibiza for anything other than the nightlife, especially my age.

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sloth_ers@reddit

And what exactly is the issue with that?

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Correct-Brilliant950@reddit (OP)

Can I just specify, I'm not bothered about the getting pissed, that was just the example I used for the google description being an understatement? As in, inaccurate?

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sloth_ers@reddit

Honestly, seems like youre bothered. Youre making a stag do into an issue. I've been subject to manipulation like this for 20 years and honestly it fucked me up. Your reddit post suggests that youre trying to one up or prove a point to him for the purpose of making him feel like he shouldnt be going, so apologies if I am wrong but what you are doing is dropping the seed that "stag-do" bad just so he ends up feeling guilty about going and ends up cancelling. All just so you can feel better about your own insecurities.

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Correct-Brilliant950@reddit (OP)

I'm not manipulating or twisting anything. Yeah, I am deeply insecure - that is a me problem. I'm also, obviously, very uneducated about Ibiza (given I've never been abroad, it's not a surprise) and had no clue it wasn't anything more than just a massive rave island. That's why I asked here. I was clearly massively misinformed. My insecurities are my problem. I'm not stopping him or guilt tripping him whatsoever. I asked if my boyfriend was being naive, clearly the answer is no, which makes me wrong. I haven't made my boyfriend feel guilty or uncomfortable because I haven't even said anything more than what I've said in my post. Stop projecting your trauma. You don't have a clue.

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sloth_ers@reddit

I have a clue, I can see it clearly from your replies. The exact flows and words. He'll cancel for you, thats what you want at the end of the day.

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Ok_Adhesiveness_8637@reddit

He previously post shows that to. Bro was tired after working a physical job and long hours but she was upset he wasnt putting his member in her. Honestly if someone was like that with me id be running for the hills.

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Ok_Adhesiveness_8637@reddit

For f sakes love. Either hes gonna cheat or he isnt, it doesnt matter where in the world, could be with your next door neighbour. You have it in your head theres issues when there isnt and yhats whats gonna push him away not where in the world he is.

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continentaldreams@reddit

And what's the problem with going for the nightlife? It's a stag do babe!

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Correct-Brilliant950@reddit (OP)

It's not the nightlife I'm worried about lol. I don't give a fuck if he wants to go get pissed every night.

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RetroRegretso@reddit

Why don't you trust him?

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continentaldreams@reddit

So what's the issue then?

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Slothjitzu@reddit

Eh, six of one and half a dozen of the other. Yes, people don’t go to Ibiza to have a quiet pint on the sun lounger. The goal of a stag do in Ibiza is at least to get absolute bladdered in the club. Most likely drugs depending on the crowd going, and obviously shagging if there’s some single attendees. That doesn’t mean your boyfriend is doing any of it though. He absolutely could be going to just get drunk with his mates in the sun and in a club, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

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barnburner96@reddit

You can absolutely have a chill holiday in Ibiza

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Slothjitzu@reddit

Sure, nobody has a chill stag do in Ibiza though.

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Clivicus@reddit

I go away with my mates a couple of times a year to get some sun and some beers. It's great!

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lildogeggs@reddit

I think you have trust issues

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david4460@reddit

Control issues more like

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Correct-Brilliant950@reddit (OP)

Trust issues I can get behind. Control issues I disagree with. I'm happy with him doing anything he wants as long as it doesn't include being peer pressured into strip clubs because it's fucking Ibiza and it's a stag do, where the Mrs won't find out.

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Which-World-6533@reddit

There are strip clubs in *everywhere*, not just in Ibiza.

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Sea-Hamster7033@reddit

I can't speak for anyone else but I'm a 36 year old dude with a group of friends who have done stag dos to some proper "stag" destinations (Budapest, Prague, etc.) We literally did just want a cheap getaway to sit in the sun with a few beers. Unless it was very well hidden from me, nobody did anything that would've upset partners. We even went in a strip club as a stag activity and instantly left because of the seedy feel. We went to a jazz bar and had a few pints instead. Different friend groups are different but it boils down to whether you trust him in general, I think. You'd hope at his age he won't be peer pressured into anything, either.

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Wishmaster891@reddit

i enjoyed the strip clubs on my stag in prague(just dances)

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barnburner96@reddit

What do you not trust them to do/not do? Is there anyone in particular of the group you’re concerned about? He’s an adult and can make his own decisions. Not really your place to judge unless there’s some important context missing here 🤷

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Correct-Brilliant950@reddit (OP)

There is context to it, yeah. I'm not concerned for no reason but I certainly don't want to give any more information more specific to the situation.

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barnburner96@reddit

In that case you’re not going to get any worthwhile advice. As it stands it just looks like you don’t trust him. Not trusting the others is also not trusting him btw. He’s an adult and he deserves to be trusted to make that decision himself. If you rightly or wrongly decide you can’t trust him to do that, then bottom line is you should not continue the relationship.

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limelee666@reddit

It’s a boys stag do, be happy he’s going and tell him to have a great time. You can’t control his behaviour, you can’t control the behaviour of his friends. You have to trust he won’t do anything which would jeopardise your relationship or his health. But as an adult male he can make all of his own choices. The fact he is telling you it will be a quiet one is probably because you are already quite controlling as it is and for an easy life, he’s just telling you what you want to hear. I do t understand why you wouldn’t want him to go and have the experience he wants to have. If you trust him, I see no issue.

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spiderham42@reddit

There is much more to Ibiza than San Antonio and Ibiza town. It's actually a beautiful island if you get to look around. Be interested to know where they are planning on staying but even then, it's a stag do. If you have trust in your boyfriend it shouldn't matter.

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VeryDisapointedXer@reddit

Ibiza is quite big, San Antonio is where the "fun" happens (or happened?). Personally been there twice with my wife and kids, other side of the Island to all the partying....lovely, quiet and nice. He may well be being naive. You may well not trust him very much, however who's causing the problem? If I was going to cheat on my wife, I wouldnt go to Ibiza to do it. If I want to do drugs I go down the bottom of the garden (this is the agrement). If I wanted to get off my face and listen to Nntzz Nntzz Nntzz, there are places that cater for this also.

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Avon_gent@reddit

The location is kind of irrelevant, you either trust them or you don't. When I've been to Barcelona/Valencia/Lisbon I got offered drugs on basically every street corner after a certain time. Doesn't mean my will to resist was higher because they're classier places than Ibiza.

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CJW5002@reddit

Counter it and say you’ll be going on an all lads holiday to Magaluf

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barnburner96@reddit

Nothing wrong with that either.

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DanielReddit26@reddit

Occasionally refer to it as "shagaluf" then claim you didn't too.

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MrMonkeyman79@reddit

Depends which part of Ibiza. Yes there's the party bit, but there are also quieter bits. But let's say he does want to go clubbing, it isnt a given that he'll jump in bed with the one of the women in the club. And if it does, then why are you even engaged to him? Its a stag, let him get party with his friends.

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KT180x@reddit

Not sure where they got the idea that Ibiza is cheap?

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EyeAware3519@reddit

Sounds like you have trust issues.

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Johnny_blueballs6969@reddit

Having been to Ibiza, it is a beautiful Island with wonderful food... and crazy night life if you choose to engage with it. 100% possible to do as the Stag says. They certainly could have chosen one of 20+ more debauched, 'trashier' locations for sure. Pretty ideal middle ground for a stag do IMO!

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Extension-Worry2253@reddit

There’s Ibiza and there’s Ibiza! I wouldn’t read anything into it. If you trust him don’t stress over it otherwise you will be imagining everything. Honestly not everyone is an arsehole.

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BaBaFiCo@reddit

David Cameron once went on holiday to Ibiza and had a relaxing family holiday. It's not just a party island. That said, it is a party island. I went about fifteen years ago. It's what you want to make of it. There were twelve of us lads and yes we got drunk, yes we went clubbing until 6am. I think a few people dabbled in drugs. But I don't believe anyone cheated (or even pulled if they were single). We mainly hung out, had some beers in the sun, and went partying. They don't force you to take drugs and they don't force you to cheat. There's more opportunity but it's not required.

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SemtaCert@reddit

Ibiza isn't just the wild part. There are many reasons to go to Ibiza that don't even involve alcohol. The fortified old town is fantastic to see and a very relaxed area for example.

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811545b2-4ff7-4041@reddit

Just ask where the hotel is, and that'll determine 'what kind of Ibiza trip" they're going on. But they're probably going to Sant Antoni

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ukman29@reddit

Loads of places have a reputation for sex, drugs and partying. It’s just that we view Ibiza as the “original” one for this.

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C2BK@reddit

>Is boyfriend being naive or am I being judgemental? Possibly both, but it really doesn't matter. The important point is that, whether or not he's given you reason to mistrust him, you do not trust him. Without trust, for whatever reason, a relationship will not be successful.

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e-pancake@reddit

very well could be both tbh, I imagine his ‘sun and a few beers’ really translates to ‘binge drinking in nice weather’ over ‘a sip at the beach’ but you’re probably being a tad over the top either way

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bigphazell@reddit

Sounds like you’re all over his business

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yoloswaggins92@reddit

Depends where on the island they go, there are quieter and more "chill" areas, but I can assure him it will not be cheap. Compared to other Spanish beach destinations (Mallorca, Mallaga Valencia etc) Ibiza is very expensive.

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DanielReddit26@reddit

I guess it depends on your boyfriend, and his friends... but without any other information I'd err more on the side of you being judgemental here.

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alrighttreacle11@reddit

He can go anywhere in the world and be faithful if you're worried that he won't be it's either a you problem or a his problem if his reputation proceeds him

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Flat_Development6659@reddit

Which part of Ibiza? I went to Portinax a few years back with my wife and it absolutely was a chilled sit in the sun with a few beers kinda holiday, everything was closed by midnight.

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Specialist_-Berry@reddit

Let the man do some drugs with his friends! If you have no reason to distrust, he is just going along with the stags wishes

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CriticalCentimeter@reddit

the latter

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