Emergency! When you're in the pub with your dog, how do you go for a wee?

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BabyAlibi@reddit

I have an 8lb klingon. No chance of me going to the toilet alone. Ever. Never mind the pub.

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spidertattootim@reddit

That's a very small Klingon. Is he a dwarf or a baby?

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Bgtobgfu@reddit

That’s what I’ve always done if I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her at the table

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Kaiowas1@reddit

I do that actually! Way weirder things have happened in pub toilets for sure.

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Obvious-Water569@reddit

Ask a regular to watch your dog for two minutes. Alternatively both you and your dog go outside and piss on the same bush. It'll be a bonding experience.

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1InchFury@reddit

The rare time I have been asked to to watch a stranger's dog, I've treated it as though an oath on my own life

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chez2202@reddit

You ask the person next to you if they can watch your dog for a minute.

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Nirnroot_Enjoyer@reddit

I'd take my dog to the toilet with me lol. It's not hugely different from having a young child with you, I guess?

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I take him with me because he insists on following me to the loo at home anyway. I can't have a pee without a cocker spaniel staring intently at me. Apparently dogs stare at you when they're doing their business because they're vulnerable and they're trusting you to look out for them. So I assume the staring is his way of trying to assure me that he's got my back 🤣

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Creepy-Brick-@reddit

It’s your dog. This should be your local public house. Just tell your local boozers you are going to the toilet. Could they watch the dog while you go toilet. Or tell the bar worker, you need a to use the toilet and your dog has not been abandoned! You are adult sort it out. Or wet yourself.

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Timely_Egg_6827@reddit

Take the dog with you. Peeing with a pet in cubicle is a hassle but safest for everyone.

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WGD23@reddit

I need to drink in better pubs, I would jot want my dogs paws touching the toilet floor ;)

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PolebagEggbag@reddit

I'm sure whatevers on the pub floor will be equally as bad as the pavements and parks

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ceciem2100@reddit

I do it, my dog goes under the cubicles doors to check on everyone else!

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Timely_Egg_6827@reddit

I have to admit I tend to use the accessiblity toilet but as quickly as possible. I tend to have a ferret with me rather than a dog and the idea of one of them getting loose in a row of cubicles is unsettling though you can at least hook lead handle over door handle.

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HarB_Games@reddit

As a disabled person, you used the right toilet name, it's accessible. Not just for disabled people. If you have a pushchair / dog / whatever that makes accessing a "normal" toilet hard, the accessible toilet is for you. But that's just my two cents. No need to rush, obviously if Doreen is smashing her cane against the door maybe speed it up a bit, but otherwise you're fine.

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northyj0e@reddit

Fellow radar key wielder here just adding: Being disabled doesn't mean you don't ever have to wait to use the toilet, and accessible toilets are for everyone to use. They're an accommodation, not a reservation. Even if you don't have a dog, a pram or anything, if you're touching cloth and the regular loos are occupied, just use the disabled toilets man.

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buginarugsnug@reddit

I would be so overjoyed if I saw someone with a ferret in a pub!

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Timely_Egg_6827@reddit

We don't do often but if walking them, we have been known to stop at pet-friendly pubs. They just sit on our laps and we find people don't notice a sleeping ferret.

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UKAOKyay@reddit (OP)

Fuck that crazy shit!

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Ok_Scientist_987@reddit

Why would I bring my dog to a pub?

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JobAnxious2005@reddit

Loop his lead round the table leg. Stand up. Point at dog (Colin) and say clearly _Wait_ Go for a slash

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MoominMai@reddit

Are you Daisy?!

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ROGERS-SONGS@reddit

Big Al says dogs *can* look up

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MoominMai@reddit

😁

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danbreeno92@reddit

POM POMMMMM

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UKAOKyay@reddit (OP)

I'm in South East London, that's not an option.

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craftaleislife@reddit

Take the dog with you. Don’t leave it unattended

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Far_Kaleidoscope_102@reddit

A man and his dog walk in to a bar…

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UKAOKyay@reddit (OP)

And stole a table.

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Far_Kaleidoscope_102@reddit

Leg it!

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TheKhaos121@reddit

Take the table with you

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UKAOKyay@reddit (OP)

What table? there was no table here mate.

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BaBaFiCo@reddit

Do they not have tables in South East London?

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UKAOKyay@reddit (OP)

No because someone stole them all.

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JobAnxious2005@reddit

Did the dogs steal them?

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UKAOKyay@reddit (OP)

Yes, it was mental.

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BumblebeeNo6356@reddit

It was cat burglars. They just blamed the dogs

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craftaleislife@reddit

Do not leave dogs unattended

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BrieflyVerbose@reddit

Your Dad leaves your Mam unattended

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JobAnxious2005@reddit

Are they untrustworthy?

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

No but humans are

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BoopingBurrito@reddit

Dog theft is a major issue in some areas unfortunately.

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0xSnib@reddit

BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BAK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

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neilm1000@reddit

>boop the snoot This sounds a bit like it might be prison slang.

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ceb1995@reddit

Find the dog people in the pub, offer them 2 minutes of dog custody

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Alternative_Route@reddit

Yes this. Most people in a decent pub are dog people, at least whilst they are on the premises.

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Superspark76@reddit

Most people are more than happy to look after a dog, I usually do at every opportunity

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TWLemonadeBanana@reddit

I have done this many times.

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Shitsinhandandclaps@reddit

I would absolutely do this. For hours.

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Initial-View-4758@reddit

Me! Me! I'm the dog people. I'll look after your dog for however long you want.

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D1C_Whizz@reddit

This is the way

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Mr_Bobby_D_@reddit

Actually this sounds like a brilliant business idea! A pub that lets people just dog sit all day

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belladonnapopsocks@reddit

I am person who will gladly hold a dog's lead in our local and I often do. Just ask someone to help.

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Danoga_Poe@reddit

Not bringing a dog in a pub, around food

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VickiActually@reddit

I'd ask the bar staff to watch my dog for a minute. I think it's unlikely your dog will be stolen from a pub - they've usually got cctv cameras covering every angle in case someone kicks off on a Saturday night

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Jesssca@reddit

Take dog with you lol

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abgc161@reddit

I’ve had a bloke ask me, as a 22 year old with a cig on the go, to watch their baby once in a beer garden. I bet you could find someone to watch your dog for two minutes

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breaded_skateboard@reddit

Put a beer mat on his head so the bar staff don't take him away

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RoyalFormer6538@reddit

I just take the dog to the toilet with me.

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Low-Captain1721@reddit

Take your dog into toilet with you - lateral thinking..👍😂

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nevynxxx@reddit

Mine would probably start drinking out of the urinal. Not a safe option.

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0Kaddition@reddit

How do people pee into urinals? Pee tends to splash onto my trousers.

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zoidao401@reddit

You've gotta get the angles right man. Peeing straight forward is no good, you've gotta go sort of down and off to the right so the pee stream meets the urinal surface as close to parallel as possible. This is of course assuming individual urinals, if it's those long metal trough things you're out of luck.

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Madas91@reddit

DO NOT CROSS THE BEAMS!

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AmarilloMike@reddit

Start with opening your flies.

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nevynxxx@reddit

Aim and toning down the flow rate… do you have no control?

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slippery-pineapple@reddit

I've gone in the disabled before when I've had the dog with me, sometimes it's the only choice!

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Low-Captain1721@reddit

It would feel a bit weird with a dog near a row of urinals however a cubicle or disabled OP be fine 😃

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UKAOKyay@reddit (OP)

Is that socially acceptable?

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Low-Captain1721@reddit

I'm not a dog owner but doubt it's a hanging offense 😃

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pervertsage@reddit

Wouldn't be the first time I've caught some bloke in a pub toilet with a right dog.

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SirElectrical@reddit

I take my dog in the cubicle with me usually

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Basic-Pangolin553@reddit

It usually just comes out of my penis. Usually.

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Competitive_Reward21@reddit

I ask for the disabled key and take her with me!

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Appropriate-Yak830@reddit

I've got a GSD type and can manage her in portaloo if necessary. Unless you got a Great Dane, take the dog with you.

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PLUMPUFFIN@reddit

I have a great dane crossed neopolitan/italian/south African mastiff who weighs 2 stone more than me and he comes in the toilet no matter what. Hes a trained guard dog and does a few skills for my ptsd and other health issues (i am disabled). I tend to use the disabled toilet on my flare days when i dont have him, so when i have him on my own (generally a better day, partner wouldnt leave me in public wirh him in a bad flare) i always go in the disabled.

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TheYorkshireLife@reddit

As a Yorkshireman most folks are usually friendly and my little lad is off his lead wandering about saying hello, so I just go to the toilet and look for him when I come back, he usually doesn't notice

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supomice@reddit

He’s usually roaming around and will sometimes come with me for 2 mins then fuck off again to find something more interesting.

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dragongirl_3@reddit

Any update on this? If I was in this situation I would take him with me.

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ZookeepergameOk2759@reddit

Say guard the drinks to the dog and nip to the toilet.

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chewmypaws@reddit

Piss in a ping glass then sell it as Carling.

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buzzlightyear999@reddit

You mean <insert product name> by Brewdog?

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UKAOKyay@reddit (OP)

Like having sex in a canoe, fucking close to water.

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MorningToast@reddit

That's a Bud light joke!

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chewmypaws@reddit

I first heard it over 30 years ago

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Sonchay@reddit

Careful now, that poor punter might think Carling has got a lot nicer and get stung when they go on to buy some of the real thing!

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buginarugsnug@reddit

Ask someone to hold your dogs lead. Or take the dog into the toilet with you.

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UKAOKyay@reddit (OP)

I'm in South East London, there's a geezer in a Millwall top who always says hello to me but I think that's just because he's always on coke.

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MisterIndecisive@reddit

Never trust a Millwall fan that's for sure

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Dependent_One6034@reddit

Sometimes you need a Millwall fan. https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/jun/06/millwall-fan-roy-larner-london-bridge-attackers

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MorningToast@reddit

That's your guy

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BaBaFiCo@reddit

Cokey Steve is always good for looking after your dog. Don't let the conviction for dog fighting or his XL bully put you off.

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buginarugsnug@reddit

He can watch your dog! Might make the poor thing a millwall fan though :(

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batbuild@reddit

When I’m travelling with my dog and no other humans, at service stations I walk him so he can pee but I am unable to go to the loo as I won’t leave him alone in the car and most service areas prohibit entry for dogs unless they are guide dogs. Once I left him with a family that also had a dog so I could nip in and buy some food but I’m nervous about this also.

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snakeoildriller@reddit

He comes with me. He knows he's not allowed to butt-sniff and gets a treat when the paperwork's done. He's a good boi!

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South-Visual3803@reddit

Take the dog with you?

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AlertWorldliness2238@reddit

Dog comes with me. She’d kick up a fuss otherwise

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Mischeese@reddit

Take the dog, go to the disabled toilets. Hope no one who’s actually disabled shows up.

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AfterMarketTurboJet@reddit

Clearly on all fours in the pub garden with the dog.

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littlebird2446@reddit

You’re a dude. Take the dog in you just stand there to pee anyway you don’t even have to go in a stall.

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Coconutpieplates@reddit

If you have a well behaved dog, leash round the chair leg and ask someone to keep an eye if they can. If you don't have a well behaved dog, why is it in the pub. But most normal people will happily watch out for the dog while you're gone 2 minutes.

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Albertancummings@reddit

Take him with you unless bartender will hold him.

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GreenComfortable927@reddit

It would make my day if I was asked to dog sit in a pub.

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Over-Language2599@reddit

I do expect the owner to slip me a few treats to feed the dog, though.

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having_an_accident@reddit

Yeah that’s a top human experience right there

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Strict_Ad2788@reddit

Happened to me with a friend once, she would 100% have kept the dog if the owner hadn't returned.

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Boating_taxonomist@reddit

I take my dog with me to the toilet wherever I am if I’m by myself (pub, cafe, train station…). I’ve not had anyone mind yet (most people are happy to see an unexpected dog).

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Deep_Banana_6521@reddit

bring him into the toilets. If he drinks from the urinal, don't let him lick you for an hour or so.

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BumblebeeNo6356@reddit

I take mine into the toilet with me and see it as revenge for the times I have to stand and watch him shit.

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scarabx@reddit

Take em in or ask someone who you think can be trusted. (Deffo better if you're a regular OR it's a no.1 so you can be quick. Personally I'd only do it in a place I knew the staff/was a regular. As I tend to know someone who can hold him...otherwise if caught short he's coming in with me (don't think I've had to do that before thankfully)

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Diplomatic_Gunboats@reddit

Is this Deptford? Take the dog in with you. Anywhere else? Ask someone to hold it. Preferably an old geezer in a corner.

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JustPassingShhh@reddit

Tie a knot in it. Can we see the pooch?

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UKAOKyay@reddit (OP)

Is that a euphemism?

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JustPassingShhh@reddit

Lmao no! Just a sad old bird who loves animals

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UKAOKyay@reddit (OP)

I'll message it to you.

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jimmerjammer1@reddit

Do it on the floor and blame the pooch.

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UKAOKyay@reddit (OP)

I'm in South East London, that is an option.

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Lost-Actuary-2395@reddit

If you're in south east London you wouldn't even need the dog

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dune__buggy@reddit

Take him but go in the cubicle

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Brian_from_accounts@reddit

Phone your wife’s boss. Tell them you’re in the Dog & Duck and desperate for a wee. Ask if your wife can leave work early to help you, because you don’t want to take the dog in on your own.

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UKAOKyay@reddit (OP)

Did that last week.

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Strong_Roll5639@reddit

I take him with me

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Beggatron14@reddit

Just take it with you or ask bar staff to watch and put the lead around something sturdy

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GeggingIn@reddit

Selfish to own a dog if you are too good to piss yourself.

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VictoryAppropriate68@reddit

Okay this was 20 minuets ago.....if you were that desperate, what happened, did you in fact piss yourself as many suggest?

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RetroRegretso@reddit

Take the dog with you.

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ceciem2100@reddit

I either take my dog with me, or just leave her with the pub locals. Someone is always willing to watch her for a few minutes. My local pub they don't mind if she comes to the loo, they don't even mind that I usually drop the lead and let her wander in the pub, she knows the locals and likes to save hi before finding somewhere to curl up.

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paulbamf@reddit

Take him with you

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Mertespackers@reddit

Just violently piss yourself and assert dominance

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O_C_Demon@reddit

Violently mind. Otherwise it won't work.

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MoominMai@reddit

This is where I shine, pick up me little pumpkin and place her at the bottom of my tote bag hehe

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acceberbex@reddit

Take the dog(s) with me. I have 2, it's what I do any public toilet rather than leave them outside

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CactusCastrator@reddit

Disabled toilet will have room for both of you.

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Johnny_english53@reddit

If it's a No2, do you ask the dog to bag it up??

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Hazz3r@reddit

Not all pubs have disabled toilets.

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ToriaLyons@reddit

If no one will look after them, take them with me. Assuming the floors won't be flooded with piss, which will soak into the dogs coats as they sit and watch me piss, and they'll stink for the rest of the night.

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Appropriate-Luck-372@reddit

He comes with me.

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GuybrushFunkwood@reddit

Nod to the dog and say “I’m gonna drain the lizard watch my pint”

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Chopsticks_Charlie@reddit

Carry him in with you

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laudable_lurker@reddit

Sorry to hear it! Ask staff to look after your dog for a sec?

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