Has anyone seen the Barclays " male orcas (killer whales) stay with their mothers for life" mortgage advert?

Posted by but_yet-so_far@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 51 comments

the ad made me wonder how prevalent the stigma of being an adult that lives at home is these days, especially if your a man. I wonder because of the recent news about there being 1 million NEETs, plus a decent amount of those that aren't NEETs must also still be living at home right?

with me, i lived and worked abroad for a few years but moved back home during COVID, i moved out just over a year ago so i spent my late 20s/early 30s living at home (for context i'm from London)

i remember running into an old friend and doing the old hows life/what you up to these days chitchat and the feeling of dread as the "where abouts do you live now" question came up. Turns out we were both in the same boat, and ended up just having a normal convo about life, plans, setbacks, hurdles etc. but i just remember the initial feeling of shame/embarrassment was so palpable

For some reason this ad just reminded me of that time, its weird because i know logically far more adults find themselves in this situation then in previous generations, for various reasons, and i don't even live at home any more either, but i KNOW if this ad came on while i was still living at home i would of just died inside.

so, for those who are in, or were in this situation, do you find that it still carries a significant amount of stigma?

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vegan_voorhees@reddit

My parents are hoarders, I physically wouldn't be able to get back in if I tried.

yorkspirate@reddit

Friend of mine still lives with his folks at 41. His parents are pretty chill tho and it's a decent sized place, he's last few years started working as a lorry driver so he's away a lot of the time.

idontlikemondays321@reddit

I actively approve of people staying at home and saving. Why rent a room and pay somebody else’s mortgage if you have the opportunity to live with your family and save for your own home?

Admirable-Web-4688@reddit

Because it's good for your growth to move out and be independent? Because it's nice to have your own life and space away from family? Because you can smoke week and have casual sex without worrying about upsetting your mum and dad? Loads of reasons.

HirsuteHacker@reddit

It is nice, nicer to buy your own house years earlier than you'd otherwise be able to though.

On balance, I'd have to disagree.

It may have taken me until the age of 39 to buy a house, but I wouldn't change those years from 18 onwards living with friends, house sharing in moldy student places, renting a dodgy bedsit in west London etc...

They were the most fun and exciting times of my life and they were instrumental to my development as an adult. I wouldn't have had half the experiences - and half as much fun - if I was living with my mum and dad.

BigFloofRabbit@reddit

Because it is hard to explain that to prospective partners when dating. Also if your parent/s have mental health or substance issues they can be a right pain to live around

Norman_debris@reddit

Spending time living with your parents while you sort yourself out is one thing. But, while I do genuinely have compassion and understanding for people who don't leave home, the truth is, these people are invariably a bit weird.

PetersMapProject@reddit

I'm a woman, mid 30s. I came of age in the midst of the 2008 financial crisis when jobs were distinctly thin on the ground and my first full time job paid £5.92 an hour. I left home at 19, and never moved back.

I can understand that people might move back home temporarily in the midst of a relationship breakdown, job loss or similar crisis; no one is quibbling about that.

But never having left home at this stage in life - there's absolutely a stigma to it, both in friendship and dating contexts.

I'm sure I'll get downvoted for this by the Reddit basement dwellers, but it's the truth - I would not consider dating a man who hadn't left home and fended for himself before. Before anyone mentions money - if you haven't managed to earn enough or budget properly to pay for a room in a house share by your 30s, I'm also not interested.

One of my oldest friends is in his mid 30s and has never moved out of his dad's house, besides going to uni.

It's not even about money. He's a senior software engineer with a good wage. He's got about £70k just sat in a current account. I've tried to prod him about looking at houses, or at least opening a lifetime ISA while he still can (and other savings options...) but idk nothing works

Is he also sat there wondering why he's still single?

No I think he does understand why🤷

Max1357913@reddit

I don’t think anyone cares. I stayed at home for uni and currently live at home saving money on a grad scheme. If I say I live at home no one has ever asked why

littleboo2theboo@reddit

You must be quite young though?

24, so quite young but a lot of people at least moved out for uni

Yeah nobody cares at 24. When I was 24 the majority of people I knew from school etc were still living at home. It becomes a problem as you approach 30, and starts becoming an actual obstacle once you're in your 30s.

ReactionCreepy428@reddit

If I could live with my parents forever, I would. They would like that as well. Multigenerational living is normalised in a lot of cultures, but it does seem very stigmatised over here.

I do plan on moving out soon, as my partner and I want somewhere to raise children. If in future we could afford a big house, we would probably all live together again.

wholesomechunk@reddit

They’re stigmatising people who are still paying for the bank gambling bailouts, to make more profits to pay for MPs bribes.

F1nut92@reddit

I hate it, I’d love to move out and have my own place, but on minimum wage and being eternally single, it makes everything so much harder. I already put enough pressure on myself to better myself, having an advert basically saying “we’ll lend you more if your folks or mates will lend you some money” just feels like a further kick in the teeth, especially when you’re sat watching TV with them and then it comes on and I just want to curl up into a ball.

I’m ever grateful for my parents though.

Puzzleheaded_Turn887@reddit

Not judging, I’ve friends who are in the same position as you, but have you not considered finding a shared house? Independence with your own place (room) and less expensive.

As I said to someone else, I know I’d just not fit into a house share, I’d feel like I’d need to know the people already and all my mates are set already on the housing front.

If you do house sharing right, you won't be strangers for long. Some of my old housemates have become friends well past the point where we stopped living together. One even introduced me to my now partner.

One tip though - choose a house share where it's the current occupants who do the viewings and decide who moves in next, not the landlord. You tend to get a more compatible group of people that way.

Alarming-Intern4413@reddit

Could you live in a shared house? I know it's not the same as having your own place, but it's slightly more yours than living with the parents.

I’ve no issue with living with my parents, I also know I’d not fit into a house share either.

Sorry, I was going off you saying that you'd "love to move out".

Yeah, I admit it’s a contradictory statement on my behalf, I find it hard to articulate in some ways, I’d just like my own place with peace and quiet if I’m honest!

Makes sense then.

Yes, so was I.

conustextile@reddit

Yes, I still think there's a lot of stigma, even though home ownership is no longer realistic for most single people on low incomes or in a HCOL area. I'm all 3 and have a baby, so I live with parents - I'd love to have my own place but it's just not practical or possible right now.

smellyfeet25@reddit

HA YES I HAVE

iffyClyro@reddit

I really wouldn’t judge a person for living at home but equally I’d be pretty gutted if I was still living at home myself.

Life takes people in different directions and sometimes things line up for person and not another.

I was out on my own at seventeen working full time.

By nineteen homeless and unemployed.

By twenty-two I was a homeowner and back on my feet.

Someone living in a higher cost of living area could have gone through similar or even had a so called “easy life” and still be living at home for a million different reasons.

Dangerous-Use7343@reddit

Dont fall for the stigma they want to impose so that they can sell you a house is my advice! My daughter is 18 and will probably live at home for a very long time if not forever as she's autistic. But a very successful friend of mine has just made her house larher to live with her parents. I guess we all have to do what is right fir us and generational living makes sense for some. Personally in my daughters situation no kids, why would I want to leave a lovely big home to live on my own in a small flat with all the added pressure and financial costs, to feel lonely instead of being with family.

OkTadpole2920@reddit

Yes, I don't like it either. A lot of people are unofficial carers for family, or they are chronically unwell and as a consequence of that they miss out on many of life's opportunities. Holidays, friends , work, and partners - they lose the contacts and then their confidence. One day they wake up and they see what they missed, but it's too late to buy a house or have a child or a fancy wedding, they don't have savings. Sending love to all of the orcas out there xx

I_ALWAYS_UPVOTE_CATS@reddit

I dislike it more for the way it talks about needing your friends and family to pitch in for your mortgage like that's a fucking normal situation for the world to be in.

I didn't get my own place until I was 22. That was just renting a studio flat and admittedly renting isn't cheap, but it felt amazing. Probably the happiest time in my life in retrospect because it felt like much more peace and security having my own space.

grouchytortoise@reddit

It’s easily accepted if you’re staying at home saving up to buy or for X reason (caring for parents, recent split, just moved back from abroad, whatever). If you’re 10+ years into adulthood with no savings, never lived away from your parents and no intention of being independent yeah, that’s going to be judged.

deliciousanon90@reddit

I grew up in care, I don't have a 'home' to go back to. No matter how hard times get in my 30's I've just got to get through it, I have no fall back option

Similar for me. I didn't grow up in care, but my dad lives in a nursing home and my mum lives in a houseshare. They don't have the ability to help me with owt.

If I end up divorced or something I've got nowhere to go, just try not to think about it!

lelpd@reddit

Moved out of home at 18, had to move back home at 28 when Covid hit as I’d been staying in hotels for work for a few months rather than renting. Then rather than finding a new place when restrictions lifted, my girlfriend and me decided we’d wait 6 months for her lease to expire and move in somewhere new together.

Couldn’t stand it. I love my mum but felt like my quality of life and independence had taken such a huge step down. I happily spent money to move out and rent as soon as I could.

Didn’t afford my own house until I was 30, but I’d happily do it all again and take longer to save for a deposit because of paying rent to live as an independent adult. And when people around my age and on a similar salary are living at home, I do wonder if they know the life they’re missing or are too scared to step out their comfort zone.

bushack@reddit

Barclays won't be getting their slice of the cake if you're at home saving for your independence. Your discomfort is their profit.

ahx3000@reddit

I wish I had enough house space to bring my mum in. F what the world thinks. She's my mum.

BingeLurker@reddit

34, only just started renting because I needed space from my parents.

No one cares in my age range that has a combo of renting, bought and still at home. I also live in London so it’s tough as a single person to rent (let alone buy) unless you are on a substantial wage which I’m not ☹️

Jossplex@reddit

I'm 30 and moved back in with my Dad for 2 years. I had £4k to my name and my savings were barely going up at all before I moved back in. 2 years later I have £30k and am now looking to buy a home on my own. I could not have done this in a rental. It is very limiting and can test your family relationship but it felt absolutely necessary.

AlGunner@reddit

Who gives a fuck what an advert aimed at getting more people to save with them and take a mortgage out with them says. It is literally their business to make you want to move out.

Icy-Astronomer-8202@reddit

Most people don't care about that. It might make dating a bit awkward at first but no one actually cares

ExplorerOdd6548@reddit

Nobody whose worth your time cares*

Rednorma@reddit

I'm a mum and my 26yr old still lives at home. All be it at the weekends only as he works away. It's near on impossible for him to get a mortgage without years of savings. I'm happy he cones home and if my 17yr old wants to do the same it's fine. Unfortunately the way of the world now is much harder than it was 30 years ago.

Impossible-Use4950@reddit

I just wish I could live with my mum and dad for a while.

but_yet-so_far@reddit (OP)

the advert for anyone wondering

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