Moved to Argentina - Feeling Lonely & Lost - Anyone Share their Wisdom?
Posted by LogicalSquare3071@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 43 comments
Thank you for reading my post, any advice is helpful.
Background: Traveled to 35+ countries, typical backpacker guy age 31, I've gone on plenty of trips 3, 6, or 9 months abroad then return home.
Been to South America 2x and loved Argentina - I moved to Buenos Aires 2 weeks ago
I sold my car, moved out of my house, left my entire life behind...
(No longer a backpacker- I plan to get citizenship/visa to teach English and make a life here)
PROBLEM: Upon arrival I've gone out alot to social events - Language meet-ups, dinners, dance classes, etc but I don't feel genuinely connected to anyone.
Can anyone share a personal story because right now my brain is saying: "this isn't going to work out, you won't make friends, this was a mistake, you shouldn't have done this."
These questions plague me the most currently:
How I can make this transition smooth?
What worked for you when you moved abroad to build community?
Am I doing something wrong?
Lastly: I've been finding myself staying in bed for 12-13 hours a night. My alarm goes off in the morning and I can't imagine facing the day. I'd rather sleep and be comfortable and live in my dreams because they're "safe"
Not EVERY day has been bad. I've had a few good moments of happiness, but sitting at a table with 12 people where everyone is speaking Spanish and I understand maybe 50% of it makes me feel isolated and exhausted. Its WORK to communicate which is challenging.
kduffney@reddit
I am currently doing the same thing! Selling everything and leave in about 20 days for Buenos Aires. I feel nervous and excited and want to keep an open mind for however I might feel when I arrive. Hope you are feeling better and found some people to connect with!
losthrowawayy@reddit
How do you feel after arriving?
kduffney@reddit
I feel really good. I’ve made friends, I feel safe. I feel extremely fortunate!! Te amo Argentina
LogicalSquare3071@reddit (OP)
things have been excellent so far! Just had to trust the process 😁😁
Haunting-Effort912@reddit
2 weeks ago? How desperate are you? Love yourself enough to enjoy your own space and comfort. Jheez so many desperados men out here in the world
ExaminationDeep3420@reddit
Si te sientes solo usa IA es muy buen amigo y no pelea con nadie, te aseguro que empezarás amar a los Argentinos,también podrías aprender soccer con Lionel Messi....
estoy-leyendo@reddit
As an Argentinian, speak Spanish!!! Try hard to learn our language. Immerse in our culture. We have merienda around 18, eat dinner around 21:00. So go to those places around those times, become a frequent! Join a english speaking group, there are lots of people who are willing to practice their English. I am an expat in the uk and honestly I am jealous you live in my country! We are warm, welcoming and friendly!!!
Nearby-Knowledge2852@reddit
Sending you good vibes. Building a new life takes patience, but the fact that you tried this already says a lot about your courage 💛
LogicalSquare3071@reddit (OP)
thank youuuuuuuuu ❤️❤️❤️
No_Pen_376@reddit
buckle down and become fluent in the language. That will most likely solve the majority of your problems. If it is no longer 'work' to communicate, then you will find making connections is so much easier. If you want to live in, and be accepted in a host country, you 100% have to be fluent. Otherwise your gonna have to rescue a busload of local children on live TV or something to make any headway.
LogicalSquare3071@reddit (OP)
lol fair advice thank u
Personal-Set7339@reddit
Is it true that in Argentina is full of Italians?
LogicalSquare3071@reddit (OP)
alot of italian influence & culture but im not the guy to ask im from the US
Entertainthethoughts@reddit
Porteños talk fast and have no mercy. In fact, if you don’t get the joke, you become the joke. All in good fun of course. It takes a year of full immersion to feel like you aren’t missing anything I think. That was my experience, and I have Argentinian parents.
LogicalSquare3071@reddit (OP)
this helps thank you!
STRAIGHTUPGANGS@reddit
2 weeks? You need time man, give it 6 months, 2 weeks is nothing of course you're not connected to anything!
free_ballin_llama@reddit
Friend it sounds like you are depressed. Argentina is one kf the easiest countries to make friends and I find it to be one of the most laid back social places I ever been. What you are describing is depression.
therapyinenglish@reddit
Sorry to hear it's been so rough. The early transition is always really tough, because you've essentially given up and lost everything you left (in a way) before having gained anything in the new place, so all you have to rely on is your sense of hope (which is growing fainter). But hope is what you need, and you have to remember you had real reasons for coming. Perhaps the costs are greater than you imagined and the benefits not quite as forthcoming. But don't let your current state undermine your perspective you had before you left.
I think you have a negatively biased perspective right now. You aren't seeing the whole picture. The jury is still completely out on how this pans out for you.
That said, you've done a LOT of reaching out and have not gotten in return what you were hoping for. So it makes complete sense that spending more than half the day in bed is what's compelling right now, as your bed is not going to repeatedly disappoint you.
I thought what's tough here is less that you're having a tough time making connections and more that you are now without the entire external structure of your life in your home country that would have helped you weather a period like this. You don't have your house, your car, your routines, your people.
Now, as you said, you've had good moments. The reason this matters isn't because everything is actually good and you're just making shit up, but rather it's evidence that the things you thought would be here for you are here. Perhaps not on the schedule you want, and of course having left everything else behind makes you more desperately in want of have more good, but it sounds like it will come, in time. The voice in your head screaming "THIS ISN'T WORKING!" has to scream because there's actually plenty of indication things are moving in a good direction, you just don't trust any of it.
I've written a bit about some of this stuff, hopefully something in here will be of help.
How to Make Friends When You're Not 22
It's Not Culture Shock, It's Identity Loss
You Left Home. Now what?
Why Expat Life Is Lonely
I Moved Abroad and I'm Miserable
LogicalSquare3071@reddit (OP)
"without the entire external structure of your life in your home country that would have helped you weather a period like this. You don't have your house, your car, your routines, your people."
\^\^ this resonated the best with me. You put some elegant thought into my comment and it means more than you know that you read my post and added plenty of advice. It feels like you know well quite well after only reading a small reddit post of mine.
Your words were needed - thank you 😁
I'll check out some of your readings now!
therapyinenglish@reddit
Really glad to hear this helped! Hang in there. Follow your heart, not your hurt.
LogicalSquare3071@reddit (OP)
Also - I read It's Not Culture Shock, It's Identity Loss
That had some excellent points, you really hit the nail on some points there 👌
therapyinenglish@reddit
Oh good! I'm curious, what resonated? I'm always trying to get a better sense of how my patients are actually experiencing their lives from the inside and what kinds of outside perspectives can be broadening for them.
CelebrationAfter8242@reddit
Hello, i moved three times internationally. You have to realize that most people go through a 6 month adjustment period when moving to a new country. What you are feeling is normal, as you uprooted from you home and now, you are trying to build new meaningful connections and roots in your new country. You are doing a lot to connect which is good. Just stay consistent and keep at it. This will take some time, it will not happen over night. Be patient with yourself and just try each day with small actions to continue to build. I promise you, over the month you will see a difference, slowly, but it will come.....hope this helps...
Feelinglikeatamale@reddit
It is always hard to make friends. Keep putting yourself out there. BA has tons of great meetups and you will eventually find your people.
There is a meetup this weekend called "F*ck the small talk" I think this would be a good opportunity to meet some nice people. Those meetups like MundoLingo and the DN meetups can be mind numbing in my opinion.
I met a lot of cool people through Freddy's Bootcamp on Saturday mornings. Here is his IG: https://www.instagram.com/freddiefaull/ -- You all go to coffee/breakfast after so it is very social. He often times hosts dinners and meetups at parks. He is also just a genuinely good guy.
Have you joined any of the whatsapp groups? There are hundreds of them for any hobby you can think of. MESH is a good group too, they have stuff for fitness, arts, board games, etc.
Human_Buy7932@reddit
Go to Underclub
ufopants@reddit
Buenos Aires can be a tough nut to crack. I took university classes at UBA and met people there. my best friends there came from a shared hobby and from my home city with whom I bonded with and met there serendipitously. I was outside 90% of the time. From restaurants, parties, museums, parks, events — keep going and chatting up everyone you can. There’s also gringo WhatsApp groups (where locals are also in) for different hobbies. Ask people at the language meetups for access and once you’re in, you can start getting invited to more niche groups. I found the people at the language meetups to be tech bro-y and passport bro-y and didn’t vibe with them either.
SellSideShort@reddit
2 weeks ago? Lmfao
Guttersnipe77@reddit
You sound really depressed. You're not going to be happy hanging out with other people until you are happy with yourself. Fortunately, there is no shortage of therapists in Argentina.
Keep plugging away with the language classes. It will be a huge help down the road.
Force yourself to get out of bed, and go do something. Go for a walk, find a nice sidewalk cafe and people watch, etc. Doesn't matter what it is, but get out of bed, and out of your head.
Keep attending the meetups. I've made some lifelong friends at them. You don't have to like everyone there, but 1 or 2 connections will greatly improve your outlook.
hedlabelnl@reddit
2 weeks?? Bro…
Chemical-Cricket9225@reddit
Brother, go to a football match. San Lorenzo, Boca, River, Racing...feel same life and energy.
I am watching the videos of fans and dreaming dropping everything and moving to Buenos Aires.
Football, bbq and beautiful women, don't need much.
LogicalSquare3071@reddit (OP)
I appreciate the kind words brother ❤️
LonelyBee6240@reddit
Do you already have a job or you don't need one right away? I'd imagine job hunting should take up a chunk of your time, or actually working. If you plan to teach at a school/language centre you'll meet other teachers who'll probably speak English.
Also, are other foreigners (from non-Spanish speaking countries) also speaking in Spanish? If not then find them and try to make connections with them. If you don't speak Spanish, why try to become friends with people who prefer to speak Spanish.
And just to spend time exploring the city, and maybe ask one of the English speaking expats to go with you, get to know someone this way.
Just to nitpick, unless you actually mean citizenship because you have some easy path to it, you probably mean you will get residency :)
LogicalSquare3071@reddit (OP)
I have Argentine roots in my family which is why I said citizenship, but i didn't mention that earlier so I understand your comment :)
and I have a language course I signed up for which will hopefully open some job opportunities for me is my current plan.
LonelyBee6240@reddit
Ah good then, I only said that because I see so many people move somewhere and say they plan to get citizenship and they don't have the roots, like you do, and clearly mean residency.
But yeah, my advice is still to find other expats like yourself, locals speak the language, probably fast and with lots of slang that's hard to follow even if you're B2 in Spanish, and they have lived there all their life, they probably don't need nor have space for more friends. I promise you, other English speakers are all keen to make connections as you are and would jump at an opportunity if someone connected with them (I'm saying this as someone who has had to kickstart my social circle 6 times since 2015).
LogicalSquare3071@reddit (OP)
i appreciate the help - seriously. ALSO - you're so right about the level of Spanish. I feel like I can speak it pretty good, but hanging with locals its SO hard to keep up with conversations lol
General_Will_1072@reddit
Well this is what happens when you move based on vibes and after misleading info. You see reels first and then reality
atlatlsaddlebattle@reddit
There are a few possible problems. First of all, you are trying to compare being on vacation in Argentina to looking for work in Argentina. Those are two very different things no matter where you do them.
Second, you haven't been there very long. Wait 6 months and then re-evaluate. I can think of exactly zero people I have become good friends with in less than a month.
Finally, finding a job in a foreign country that pays enough to live is not very easy. You have set yourself a very difficult task. Keep that in mind and be patient.
LogicalSquare3071@reddit (OP)
solid advice - I appreciate this.
I have an English teaching course I'm taking next week that will hopefully open some doors to teach abroad here is the current goal.
atlatlsaddlebattle@reddit
That course should help you make some friends too. Good Luck!
Angelsmar11@reddit
Hola, que tal! debes tener paciencia es un proceso largo, los Argentinos son un poco cerrados y todo lleva tiempo en crear confianza con ellos, son muy sinceros te van a decir lo que sienten tengo dos años viviendo aqui he sido bien recibida, mas el principio fue muy fuerte hay dias te preguntaras y que hago aqui, todo se va ordenando con el tiempo
LogicalSquare3071@reddit (OP)
Necesito recordar que todo encaja con el tiempo, ésta es la verdad más difícil de aceptar pero tienes mucha razón.
HVP2019@reddit
Under normal circumstances, the things that made you be fall in love with Argentina should had kept you feeling good about your move…
… unless you’ve made mistake and fall in love with an imaginary Argentina, and now you start seeing the real Argentina.
There are two possible outcomes: after initial hardships, things will improve and with time you learn to love your host country, this time the real one
Another possibility you will discover even more things you dislike.
I moved abroad with more realistic expectations. I knew that due to my language and cultural barriers It will take very long time to establish social circle. So weren’t disappointed when this went more or less exactly how I expected them to go.
LogicalSquare3071@reddit (OP)
thats a fair response - thanks for reading/replying to me