do i need to report this?
Posted by roobyscoobydoobi@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 141 comments
Me and My boyfriend recently just broke up. His parents are divorced. He does not really like his mum, however she is a good mum he just cannot handle getting told when he is wrong. However, his dad doesn’t act like a dad, nor does he care what my ex does. His father is an alcoholic, his house is extremely dirty, they cook food on a camp stove ( they barely have food), the kitchen is unfinished, there is loads of dirty mouldy dishes. Clothes are scattered all over the living room. He has barely any things in the shower, i gave my ex shampoo and conditioner for that house. The toilet has built up feces from never being cleaned. His dad’s room is a state, it has beer bottles lined up on headboards and dressers, staining the wall and “snow” packets all over his bed. His mums house is the opposite and she is a lovely woman. should i tell her? i love him and want him to be safe, even if he hates me for it.
RelationshipLife6739@reddit
Kind of need more context RE your ages etc but…
REPORT ASAP IF HE IS UNDER 18. TOXIC ENVIRONMENT AND MOST LIKELY LEGALLY CLASSIFIED AS NEGLECT FROM THE FATHER.
Good on you for sticking your neck out for him despite the break up. It is very noble of you!
berkleysquare@reddit
Oh my god! No shampoo in the shower? Unwashed dishes in the kitchen? Empty bottle of beer by the TV? Is this Auschwitz or a typical Glasgow home in Scotland?!
maggierose1980@reddit
If he is under 18 absolutely, if not you can raise a concern with the local social work department as an adult protection issue, presuming you are in the UK.
Comic-Book-Seller@reddit
You should report but it's a very big coincidence you only feel like causing rifts in his family since you broke up I would think you would wanna tell his mother when you was still with him not only after
SketchbookProtest@reddit
Hi. Social worker here. I really would advise you to speak to a teacher and ask them to make a referral to children’s social care. What you’re describing is neglect, and these things definitely have an effect on children whether it’s short term shame or long term OCD abs self-neglect. I worked with a family like this: mum was depressed and neglectful. It impacted the children through shame, friendships, sleeping and hygiene and personal care habits. We supported the family on a child in need plan and I’m thankful to say that we turned their lives around. Please tell a teacher. They have a duty to refer to social care.
msrch@reddit
To add to this, I grew up suffering from neglect and it impacts you your whole life, I’m in my 30s now and sometimes still have nightmares about the mess. It’s not your fault but you internalise it.
Please tell your boyfriend’s mum.
I know you have broken up but you’re a lovely person and a good friend, well done for caring for him 🥰
Calm_Grapefruit4899@reddit
I only experienced short term neglect as a teen (~ a year) + it's messed w me into adulthood. I have food scarcity issues (so hoard food, compulsively overeat, + burn through money buying food) due to it
And op's bf's is a lot more severe, so it must have an impact
AdeptnessOpen9487@reddit
that’s just ur excuse for being fat right?
Calm_Grapefruit4899@reddit
If you are willing to have a good faith discussion I'd be happy to discuss how food scarcity influences bulimia + bed as a diagnosed bulimic. I'm overweight with a mix of muscle + fat, so chubby? But food hoarding includes fruit, vegetables, meat, + yoghurt for me, not just having loads of ice cream or whatever
msrch@reddit
Oh yes I do this too!!!! My fridge, freezer and cupboards are literally bursting and then I’ll end up throwing loads of it out as I simply can’t get through it all.
bleachedsmiles@reddit
Children’s social care would open up a whole can of worms and emotional distress risking long term damage. Right now there’s the potential to avoid this by keeping it a private family matter - informing the mother first before getting social workers involved.
If things fail to improve after informing the mother then she should look towards outside parties.
Plane-boat-6484@reddit
This 100%. I’m a teacher and this is exactly a situation I’d want to know about and contact social services on his behalf. The mother has no rights to fix it and could end up with them both in a situation. Speak to a trusted teacher or staff member at school. We are there to deal with this for you.
throwaway138x@reddit
Please do this. I wish someone had for me
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
thank you.
alien_sprig@reddit
OP this is the only answer that matters. Please speak to a trusted teacher about this. Let them refer him to the appropriate services.
Timely_Vast6744@reddit
Called mind ur own god damn buisness if hes ur ex
NeighborhoodTop5021@reddit
Please tell his mother or report it to school guidance (if you’re still in school)
Dull_Celery3676@reddit
My advice is if you suspected a abuse or smth like that house being dirty report to the police and they would do a welfare check
Tiny_Avocado_527@reddit
If said person is still a minor which I'm assuming then yes please report it to the mother who can take necessary steps such as contacting cps to stop visitation rights and if he is physically absuive and there's evidence then I'd say speak to your own parents again im assuming u r a minor about what they think is right to do usually better for adults to have that conversation
If you aren't a minor and are both adults then he has no obligation to be at his fathers and should just cut contact
ComparisonOk8602@reddit
What is a snow packet?
Colmreilly@reddit
I’d mind my own business to be honest !! 🍏
Unable-Object-8469@reddit
If you and your boyfriend I would report it to social workers at your local council, if you ex is under 18 I would report it to children's social workers,school and his mum. Your ex's dad might have some mental issues that need help, he can't live like that and expect his son to live like this too.
alex99dawson@reddit
Report what to whom? How old is your boyfriend? If he’s under 18 I would definately report this. I assume he lives with his dad??
Does his dad need help that means he might need assistance from social services??
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
I think i would tell his mum about it, he switches between houses but recently he’s staying with his dad more and i can clearly see an effect on him
WhiskySlayer316@reddit
Why do you think the mum divorced the dad?
Buddy-Matt@reddit
I think telling the mum is sensible. It doesn't really count as reporting (which in my book would involve telling an official body of some form) but that's probably a good thing.
You've split up, you obviously still care, but reporting the living situation to an official body could wrap you up in his life for longer than you wish to be if you're looking for a break. Letting the mum know empowers her with the knowledge you have, allowing her to report to whichever services she feels relevant. All, hopefully, without you needing to be directly and actively involved, as it'll be her following up and chasing to make nature things happen - not you.
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
thank you
Impossible-Use4950@reddit
Does your boyfriend not clean up at his Dad's? He just goes there, pisses in the manky toilet and doesn't help to clean? I mean, you can tell his mum, but whag she can do is dependent upon his age.
Why are you going through his Dad's room?
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
The toilet is like basically worn down, and i didn’t go through his dads room, one day my boyfriend broke down and showed me his dads room
Impossible-Use4950@reddit
He has no right to do that, unless he shares a bed with his Dad, then his Dad is allowed to expect privacy in his bedroom. He is allowed to live like a slob in his private room if he wants. Your boyfriend sounds old enough to pick up a cleaning brush and aome products and help around the place, like most kids I know have done. Your boyfriend is choosing that life for himself over being told what to do by his Mum, he needs to make better choices and you 'telling on him', even from a place of love or concern, could also cause push back, and if hes allowed to chose where he lives, it seems he's chosen already. He needs to grow up a bit to work his way forward. And put some fucking effort into cleaning, lazy shit. He's so embarrassed but too fucking lazy to do anything about it.
Alarming-Intern4413@reddit
Or hes a young adult who wants and needs help but is too shamed or doesn't know how to ask for it
Impossible-Use4950@reddit
He could go to his mum's, but chores not to.
fearville@reddit
He’s a child
Impossible-Use4950@reddit
He's an idiot who is chosing a shit lifestyle over fucking chores. He is not in danger, he places himself there to get out of "being told what to do".
fearville@reddit
If it is his home then his dad has a responsibility to provide a safe living environment, whether he has another home to go to or not. There might be other reasons why he doesn't want to stay at his mum's. If the dad is living in squalor and struggling to cope then he might need support from adult social care services.
wordshavenomeanings@reddit
He is 17. He gets to decide where he lives.
People may not like it, but that's the law.
Sadastic@reddit
Hello mate, do you happen to be this dudes dad by any chance? Or do you just live in squalor and you're feeling a little called out? Behave.
Impossible-Use4950@reddit
I am not, and I do not. I know people who have lived like this. You behave.
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
i understand that i do, but many times he has cleaned the whole house top to bottom and has dad will trash it again from being drunk or on drugs, im not saying that he isn’t choosing to live at his dads, however i dont think he realises that his dad is not good as he loves him a lot
Impossible-Use4950@reddit
That's the thing though, one needs to keep cleaning, it can't be done once and not again for months.
Honestly, I know of this lifestyle, I know how much it fucks people up, and how frustrating it is from the outside looking in, but it's up to him to come to terms with how he views his father, feelings are deeply complicated and since you're not together anymore, that is going to add another layer to how he may view your intervention, anger, resentment etc. Just be his friend, unless he is in danger, then you should act.
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
thank you
Away-Ad4393@reddit
OP I admire your decency. Do what you are comfortable with regarding helping your ex, probably telling his mother is the first step, I’d be surprised if she doesn’t know what the father is like, but she will know how to get further help for her son.
No_Height_2408@reddit
he is in danger though.
Away-Ad4393@reddit
Trashing a living space is a very common aspect to addiction. I do hope the son doesn’t start drinking or taking drugs to emulate his father.
Paranoia_Pizza@reddit
Hun, dont listen to this person. They've clearly never lived with someone who does not care about living tidily/cleanly. It is soul destroying to keep pouring your time and energy into cleaning up where you live, only to have the person whos supposed to love and care for you come along and destroy it within minutes. I still have mental health issues over it and im almost 40.
Speak to your schools safe guarding team (Google your school name + safeguarding lead to find out who it is), if they're not a teacher you trust/like see if another teacher can come with you to talk to them.
If you dont feel comfortable doing that you can raise it via the council too - google your council name & safeguarding.
I wouldn't just tell his mum tbh, there will be much power behind it if it comes from school/social services. You know his parents better than me but his mum trying to stop him from going over there or talking to your ex could just lead to your ex pushing his mum away more (or exs dad saying that ex mum is just being vindictive)
Good luck with it though and update us if you can xx
Away-Ad4393@reddit
Honestly when there is long term neglect of a house due to addiction issues it is almost impossible to clean. A father of a friend of mine lived like this and he would not let her clean or tidy anything, when he passed away the whole house had to decontaminated by specialist cleaners.
Flimsy-Performer-290@reddit
Hi, this sounds like the cry for help he’s trying to push down. Absolutly tell his mum, and also a senior teacher you trust, you can also report it to the nspcc as he’s under 18, 0808 800 5000. They can give you any proper advice too. I hope they get the help they need. Well done on reaching out too. Most wouldn’t.
LaughingAtSalads@reddit
You are a lovely person and he was IRL asking you to help him. Do intervene!
Different-Egg-4617@reddit
Reporting the situation could actually help the person get the support they need. It might feel uncomfortable, but taking that step could lead to positive changes for them.
LaughingAtSalads@reddit
Child Protection Services.
Giftsofrecovery@reddit
He's 17
LaughingAtSalads@reddit
In the UK still a legal minor.
No_Height_2408@reddit
I would report it to the fire department and let them involve social services. If he is cooking indoors on a camp stove he could kill the household with carbon monoxide poisoning and blow up the neighbours too.
SnooHabits8484@reddit
Fire brigade.
Fenpunx@reddit
Whilst I agree wholeheartedly and hate americanisation, a lot of county fire brigades are now going by 'Fire and Rescue Service' these days. Smaller omes within often still consider themselves brigades though.
TheElectricCamel@reddit
What is your point?
The individual units are fire brigades, the service as a whole can be referred to as the fire and rescue service or the fire brigade
Neither of which is the American “Fire department”
Fenpunx@reddit
That they're not all reffered to as Brigades.
SnooHabits8484@reddit
Nobody says “quick, phone the fire and rescue service!”
TheElectricCamel@reddit
Fire and rescue service (for a country or area)
Individual Fire brigades under them at each separate fire station
Ynys_cymru@reddit
Fire service
SoylentDave@reddit
Department for Fire and Smoke
LightninLew@reddit
Social brigade.
Penguinbaby1991@reddit
Bridgerton.
staunchs@reddit
Fire Fellas
boomtownrat84@reddit
Ice and fire
alinalovescrisps@reddit
Blood and fyah
lady_faust@reddit
Let it burn burn burn
oh_not_again_please@reddit
Fire Tribe
welsh_dragon_roar@reddit
Fire folk
Nicole_again@reddit
The Fire King
Naiyaa127@reddit
What have all these issues only come up since the breakup? Or was you just not that bothered before? Either way, he's an ex, so it's not really your issue. Especially if you're as young as you sound like that, that's the last thing you should be burdening yourself with.
Blair_Az@reddit
Tell a teacher OP. They will help.
BrieflyVerbose@reddit
Why would you say and do nothing while being with him, and now want to start doing it now that you've broken up?
CalendarLong@reddit
Yeah bc before it would have been an obstacle between them. I would do the same if I was in this position and had an amicable break up
BrieflyVerbose@reddit
That just sounds malicious though. It's not really any of her business, and she had the opportunity to do something when it was ever so slightly her business (but not really, but at least she was there in the picture).
To just go ahead and do it now because she didn't have the minerals to pull the subject when it mattered just comes across as sly to me.
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
i would do it straight to some huge like organisation like social services, i think id go to his mum about it, i wouldnt want him to ever know it was me and if i was malicious id just call the police
BrieflyVerbose@reddit
And what are the police going to do exactly? Unless the father is caught in possession of drugs, it would be nothing. I've just realised that you're teenagers and not adults but at 17 he's able to leave home without parental permission, I know this because I did it myself and nobody could stop me. He has autonomy and has clearly asked you not to get involved.
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
that’s why i said im not going to get the police unloved? i said im planning on telling his mum
KittyGrewAMoustache@reddit
Yes do it, ok he’s 17 but his dad will still have a big influence on him and he’ll be unable to look at the situation objectively as he’s grown up in it and doesn’t have the distance or perspective of an adult. Sounds like his Dad needs help and it’s not a good environment for your ex at all.
Present_Confection80@reddit
Absolutely 💯
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
thank you
Present_Confection80@reddit
Don't listen to the negatives you're in your situation noone else. Do what you feel is the right thing to do
Present_Confection80@reddit
I think going to his mum first is the best idea here. From what you have said it sounds to me like she will listen 🤞 good luck
Ok_Cockroach_4644@reddit
that's not malicious at all it sounds considerate.
thelegendofyrag@reddit
He’s between houses so was probably with his mum when they were together... Now thy are not together he doesn’t want to listen to his mum ask why he’s broken up with this lovely girl because he hates being told he is wrong, therefore he moved in with his dad.
BrieflyVerbose@reddit
Well that's something you've completely concocted.
thelegendofyrag@reddit
Indeed it is, from the information provided that’s my assumption.
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
he’s been spending way more time with his dad long before we have broken up, i’m not saying he never spend any time at his mums house, he does, however i don’t think he should be at his dads at all in the condition the house is in. You’re right about the fact he won’t want his mum to ask why we have broken up, because he is ignoring text and calls about it, but my ex also misses out on college a lot, will stay in bed all day, but his dad won’t do anything about it that’s why he stays there a lot.
pm_me_your_amphibian@reddit
Did you just make this up?
MonsieurGump@reddit
I’d guess it’s easier now they don’t have him asking them not to?
Glass-Advantage-5480@reddit
Adult social care.
laurasauraxx@reddit
If his mum is unaware then maybe you should have a conversation with her just say your worried because u see its effecting him and it can't be good for his health im presuming hes not an adult so yeah hopefully the mum will try get him to stay at hers and not allow him there or you could speak to your bf because he should have the choice if he doesnt want to be there he shouldn't have to be
CrimsonKaiserRyu@reddit
If your ex is vulnerable, I assume he’s a child (under 18) for example or has some kind of disability or learning difficulty then you absolutely need to report this.
If he’s an adult and to your knowledge is capable of making their own decisions, then you really should mind your own business.
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
we are both minors
CrimsonKaiserRyu@reddit
Then you should speak to an adult, at school/college and let them do whatever needs doing.
MyCatIsFluffyNotFat@reddit
Call Childline. They can deal with it. Good you are caring about him.
geezerebenezer@reddit
I may go against the grain but any reason why he can’t wash some dishes or clean the bathroom? I fully support child services to be informed as these are not living conditions for children but he can also do some bits to improve the conditions
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
i fully understand what your saying, and thank you for not phrasing it horribly. With the conditions he is in, it always reverts to back how it was, and because he doesn’t full time live with his dad he can’t be a carer for him. He’s 17, he has tried to help many times but his dad should be a parent.
geezerebenezer@reddit
Absolutely no judgement, he is caught in a vicious circle of doing one side and his dad making a mass after him.. hopefully he can stay more at his mum and avoid dad’s place. The impact on his mental health can’t be good x
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
Thank you for the way you have said this, someone else said something similar in a horrible way, i’m glad you understand.
Klutzy_Security_9206@reddit
My mother’s house became like this after my father left her because she was unfaithful.
When that ‘relationship’ soon failed she just gave up and stopped caring for either me or the house. I was compelled to go and live with my father and his new partner across town.
As I still loved my mum and wanted to see the friends I grew up with I would endure the squalor when I visited for weekends. I was often forced to at least tackle some of it to make it in some way bearable.
I can tell you now that such child and domestic neglect takes quite a psychological toll on a young mind, engendering deep feelings of shame, hopelessness and low self esteem.
In response to this for most of my adult life I’ve been virtually OCD in my fastidious approach to my homes, only succumbing myself to similar levels of domestic degradation owing to my own mental health and addiction issues. Fortunately this was only episodic and I at least wanted to change and benefitted greatly from assistance that was offered me.
Things stayed the same long after I’d grown up and had my own home. Sadly though after my mother suddenly passed away from unexpected complications after a month spent in hospital for fairly mundane treatment, I read her most recent diary. The following sentence made my heart ache with loss and longing:
“And when things have healed up after this next treatment I’m finally looking forward to taking proper care of the house and everything”.
My feelings towards her are bitter sweet. I love my mum. At her best she was a whirlwind of laughter and smiles. However I can’t seem to quite heal the scars left by her behaviour towards me and my father and its consequences.
Just the other night I was wondering why nobody ever challenged my mother over her neglect, and then sadly recalled that this was the way things were then. Faced with other families problems, they said nothing and kept quiet, only maybe bewailing such things in private.
It really is quite touching that you have written such a descriptive post, your concern for your ex and dismay in his surroundings and the care he receives are demonstrable in the way you’ve gone to the effort to so vividly describe the unpleasant scenes of squalor.
I hope you are both able to still be friends as I know that he will benefit and appreciate the pastoral care you display for him. He needs oasis’s of care, calm and decency.
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
thank you so much for telling me this, i think me and my mum will go speak to his mum, she’s lovely and would definitely try help, i see signs of mental health problems within my now ex, he had very explosive anger and would often punch things ( never me ), he would also get really upset if things were moved out of place, one time i slightly moved a notebook at his mums house and he started bawling and screaming. However at his dad’s, there was no order. He is only 17 with a saturday job, his mum is a single mum and barleys makes ends meet however always manages to have food on the table, clean clothes and a clean house. however my ex when with his dad, would have to spend all his money and saving on things such as food, taxis so his dad wouldn’t drink drive, and clothes because his dad would wear them and rip. I know i am young but im not stupid, this is clearly neglect and if i don’t do anything, it will only become worse. I’m worried for him.
Klutzy_Security_9206@reddit
I wish every neglected young person had such a perceptive and right headed pal like you.
I wish you the best of luck in whatever action you decide to undertake
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
thank you, i think my course of action will be speaking to his mum, as i am close with his mum and she knows i will being doing it from a place of care, i will also get my mum to come with me when i speak to his mum. I think going straight to social services will only fuck up his life abit when i know his mum may be able to decide what she wants to do with the knowledge of what his dad’s house is like. I think the best i can do is tell his mum, and she can decide where to go with that.
Klutzy_Security_9206@reddit
I wish I was as wise as you at your age. As glib as it sounds, I can honestly say - You got this.
Please do update if you still think it’s appropriate
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
thank you, i’ll update the post when something happensn
Klutzy_Security_9206@reddit
I’m very grateful. Thank you
KitFan2020@reddit
Where does he live most of the time? Mum’s house of Dad’s house?
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
it really differs, a lot of the time he is at his dads, but sometimes he spends a lot of time at his mums, but he unfortunately cannot accept consequences or confrontation and due to the fact his mum is actually a decent parent, and will try help his or tell him off, he goes to his dads as his dad does not care nor act like a parent to him. I can understand why he does because obviously that feeling of being able to whatever you want is nice, but he shouldn’t have to live in that state.
baizhustan@reddit
You’re doing the right thing - report it in. Speak to a teacher you trust.
jtoomer88@reddit
Please seek out your school DSL (designated safeguarding lead) or any member of staff that you feel comfortable speaking to. Making a disclosure will be nerve wracking but your ex will get the support he needs this way. Your teacher will likely take notes or ask you to write a written statement. Anything you tell them cannot be withheld, they will likely say that they can’t keep anything a secret - this is all part of the process. Once the DSL has been informed, they’ll make a decision of how to move forward - I’m not an expert on what that may look like. (Teacher of 15 years, now in senior position)
Exact_Scratch854@reddit
Do you mean details of the house etc? Surely OP can remain anonymous? They don't have to say who made the report?
wordshavenomeanings@reddit
Yes, only professionals must declare their involvement. OP can remain anonymous.
However, at 17, there is little anyone can do without the exs consent.
stickypudding@reddit
The 17 year old is still classed as a child until 18 years old. The college or 6th form still have a duty of care.
wordshavenomeanings@reddit
Childhood has different categories.
The school etc have a duty of care, but ops comments are that they are choosing to live there.
At 17, no one can change that.
goodgeege@reddit
Personally I think you should support him as best you can, but don't involve yourself or any authorities without his consent.
Stinkinhippy@reddit
first things first.. age? beyond 16 I’d be in 2 minds.. over 18 and let the man make his own mistakes. good lessons in them
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
i’m 16, he is freshly 17, we are both still and school and will be for a while, i know he doesn’t want to live like this but he also looks up to his dad but is too ashamed to reach out for help
LaughingAtSalads@reddit
Talk to CPS, or talk to a teacher first. His mom knows what her ex is like ( he wil have shown signs of this long ago) and she can’t do anything about him. But CPS can and should investigate that house.
C2BK@reddit
Why would she speak to the Crown Prosecution Service?
Valentine_scum@reddit
This is askUK
Happy_Michigan@reddit
In the US, call Children's Protective Services, CPS, in your town, county or state.
If he is 18, call Adult Protective Services in your town or county, or state.
CalendarLong@reddit
So happy to be in Michigan you can’t imagine being elsewhere
boomtownrat84@reddit
Ask UK pal. Nobody asking about the 🇺🇸
FreezerCop@reddit
Look at the name of the Sub
Quality_Controller@reddit
Mate, this is the AskUK subreddit…
Valentine_scum@reddit
This is askUK
whyaregeeselikethat@reddit
When I was your age I had a boyfriend in a similar position, and I worried myself sick trying to help him fix it to my own detriment. The best advise I can give you is to speak to a trusted adult that will either have the resources to help him or be willing to find them to reach out on his behalf.
A teacher you trust would be your best bet, it doesn't matter if they're not his teacher or even if he's at a different school, they have the resources and training to help him & have a duty to report, just give as many details as you can.
Unfortunately there is only so much you can do if he's unwilling to open up about what is going on, your 'job' is done after reporting it to a responsible adult.
Trash_Panda_Leaves@reddit
Tell a teacher
Adorable_Orange_195@reddit
Ask to speak to the safeguarding lead at the school. They have a duty to report.
Euphoric-Brother-669@reddit
No - treat it as a near miss - move on - do nothing - dont interfere - your ex is in the past - leave it there - forget them all
Familiar-Woodpecker5@reddit
You could contact NSPCC Helpline: 0808 800 5000 or the school/college Designated Safeguarding Lead (DSL). As you are no longer together it’s probably not a good idea to speak to his mum about it but if that’s what you feel more comfortable doing rather than official agencies.
GrownDandilion@reddit
If you wouldn't and didn't say anything when you were together, it's not your place to say anything now you have split up. If you are worried about safeguarding, you can report to the appropriate authorities again. I would ask why you didn't when you were together either way dont expect anyone to thank you.
jtoomer88@reddit
The lad is 17, so we’re talking about the living conditions for a child. It absolutely is her place to say something if it safeguards the wellbeing of a child.
LaughingAtSalads@reddit
She’s a kid, that’s why, and executive function in the brain isn’t well developed before age 25. Also, it’s not her duty to fix her (ex) BF and his family, though she has a large and wise heart.
roobyscoobydoobi@reddit (OP)
when we were together, i was kind of blindsided to be honest and why would anyone thank me it would just be a decent thing to do? I am young, and didn’t want to ruin a relationship and he always begged me not to say anything.
Alarming-Intern4413@reddit
You don't have to explain yourself to people on the internet.
Droidy934@reddit
Asking for advice without knowing some of the background is going to get poor advice.
Context is everything
Alarming-Intern4413@reddit
A bit negative don't you think. OP can still care about someone on a human level, even if they don't have a relationship with them anymore.
Alarming-Intern4413@reddit
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