BRB. Going AFK for a bit. Leave your away messages in the comments.

“And I don’t want the world to see me Cause I don’t think that they’d understand When everything’s made to be broken I just want you to know you I am…”

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Unfair_Turnip00@reddit

Hey. Im not here right now.... cause I'm bangin your sister. I was in fact bangin my friends sister. Been together now for 25 yrs. He still doesn't find it funny.

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techieveteran@reddit

My best friend from high school banged my sister before we met. Never really cared

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OrigamiTongue@reddit

Ok but… kind of cool to have a good friend as a brother-in-law, right? Now family events and holidays are ALSO hangs!!!

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He is / was my best friend from high-school. He married his high-school girlfriend. My wife ( his sister) and his wife have to separate us at the table every year for Thanksgiving after we both riffed so hard one year we made his Dad (my FIL ) shoot milk out his nose from laughing. My wife scolded me at the table, but broke down cry laughing on our way home that day...

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InMyHagPhase@reddit

Sigh friend goals.

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Dantez9001@reddit

Way to commit to the bit.

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Haven@reddit

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn. (Was also my yearbook sig)

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BuzzVibes@reddit

｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆　AFK! Probably gettin' drunk lol　｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆

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CraigGrade@reddit

xBRBx

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Seven22am@reddit

I always cribbed Deep Thoughts for mine. If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? Maybe. If they screamed all the time. For no good reason.

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terminally_irish@reddit

“When you’re 10 years old and a car drives by and splashes a puddle of water all over you. It’s hard to decide if you should go to school like that, or try to go home and change and probably be late. So why he was trying to decide, I drove by and splashed him again” -Jack Handy

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gorilla-ointment@reddit

My favorite one: If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they're gone.

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refuz04@reddit

This is the best one.

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punktualPorcupine@reddit

>*”You’Re tHe prereeetieSt ChristMasS tree, I EvaaR saw…”* (chainsaw noises) ![gif](giphy|t0cJtM8YKIZRjzxGEb) It’s from this: [https://youtu.be/-AUE4ZrMItI](https://youtu.be/-AUE4ZrMItI)

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ericwbolin@reddit

My now-wife did that.

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littleseaotter@reddit

My ex did this as well. He often had that tree quote.

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Quackoverride@reddit

It’s too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something so simple as wild dogs.

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Sirtriplenipple@reddit

By Jack Handy.

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_buffy_summers@reddit

brb gotta pee

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threefeetoffun-@reddit

![gif](giphy|5t29Vdd0W2aIApeJYj)

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kyarilora@reddit

Did this. Soooooo mad.

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nelmski@reddit

Sorry I'm not online right now I'm walking in the spiderwebs, but leave a message and I'll message you back :-P

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Cube-in-B@reddit

God I wish Gwen Stefani wasn’t such a racist piece of entitled maga trash who uses actual humans as accessories- but here we are 🤷🏼

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TheCynFamily@reddit

Omg you reminded me I played the song for my answering machine lol like I ever got calls.

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Stimpinstein22@reddit

My younger sister did this, with her singing it. Guess who got the most shit for it (hint: not her)…

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Hypnot0ad@reddit

My college roommate had one of those. He recorded the song from Seinfeld, “Believe it or not it George isn’t at home,” but substituted our names. It was hilarious. If you haven’t seen it: https://youtu.be/ria37d9mInY

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beck33ers@reddit

I was so excited when I was able to record it from the radio so that I could then play it for my message machine when I finally got my own line in 8th grade! I was so impressed with myself!

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nahmahnahm@reddit

I just stayed in the car an extra 5 minutes because Spiderwebs came on the 90s statiom!

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Karazy21@reddit

My college bf always put "I'm pooping, %n." The "%n" filled in the screen name of the person who was messaging him. He was so witty!! 🙄

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Immediate-Spray7257@reddit

Do the kids still use these?? I wonder if a/s/l *cue *uh oh" sound* is still used?

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UnderH20giraffe@reddit

I had two favorites that I was really happy about at the time: 1) I’m sorry, but due to a glitch in the space-time continuum, the entity you are trying to reach no longer exists. 2) Not just away, but up, up and away!

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Tenaciousgreen@reddit

A friend and myself once posted away messages that looked like a breakup conversation between the two of us, changing them every hour and being super dramatic. Our mutual friends all bought into the drama, and we had never even dated. We were jerks but it was hilarious.

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HamsterMachete@reddit

I walk on my hands when I cross borders. I ride a mule to volcanoes. My dogs ride a rather large hog. Discuss?

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roopjm81@reddit

May flights of devils carry me to slumber

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TeilaniXing@reddit

Mine was all commercials: Put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up If you want it, and you need it, just ask us, and we'll get it!

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ChromeDestiny@reddit

[Believe it or not I'm not home.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oNCNZROmRA)

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OldPresence5323@reddit

The teacher has left the room

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Honest-Income1696@reddit

ASL?

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HangryHangryHedgie@reddit

You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.

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TheWorldMayEnd@reddit

AFK, tornado.

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thegholahayt@reddit

if ur name was hw id be doin u on my desk right now

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ok_soooo@reddit

Hey what’s up

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ChaoticForkingGood@reddit

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of them's the reason I'm not here.

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Mabvll@reddit

![gif](giphy|PfvKT7qhVjLH2)

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Reasonable_Laugh_962@reddit

It's 4:19... got a minute?

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ScreenTricky4257@reddit

ASL?

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MysteriousFee2873@reddit

Banged yo momma! Now you can call me daddy

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Cute_Researcher_6578@reddit

brb - I have to return some videotapes

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Trick-Session2388@reddit

Rub a dub dub, a girl in a tub <---for when I was in the shower DONE RUNNOFT <---when I was somewhere else There were so many random ones though that were inspired by my favorite song of the week or a line in a movie or something else.

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GonzoThompson@reddit

Mrs. Hogswallop uo and R-U-N-N-O-F-T!

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DazzlingBullfrog9@reddit

You have to spell it like this: R U N N O F T

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Trick-Session2388@reddit

I used hyphens! Except when I was at work because the chat program I had to use there broke when letters were hyphenated like that. Upon reflection, my intra-office Communications have come a long way in terms of professionalism.

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ProfessorOfLies@reddit

Wazzzaaaaaaap

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herownlagoon@reddit

Internet was better then in doses

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Mrrectangle@reddit

“Hi, you’ve reached Mr Rectangles answering service. If you were trying to reach him you failed. Like everything you try to do. Seriously why even bother? Can’t even get a hold of one person? How’re you ever going to finish that novel if you can’t even connect with someone named Mr Rectangle? I’d say try again tomorrow, but even if you do remember (which you won’t) it wont work out. Sheesh. Y’know what? Don’t leave a message after the beep. I’m not saving it. Do better. -click-

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_Internet_Hugs_@reddit

"Hang on, I gotta pee."

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lunicorn@reddit

T-2 BRB.

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Lurk_McGirt79@reddit

Donnie, you're out of your element!!!

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TrinityKilla82@reddit

![gif](giphy|l378vSYisYnhFUXvy|downsized)

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jer1303@reddit

Bbialb

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Kinetic_Silverwolf@reddit

"What are you but my reflection? Who am I to judge or strike you down?"

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DontYuckMyYum@reddit

Think I heard a noise gonna go check it out..

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nevernotworryingx@reddit

"shut up please. I am very busy and important" (My go-to for a while after seeing Bridget Jones)

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bgva@reddit

When I wanted to become a TV producer it was "The \[bgva\] Show will be back after these messages." When I was in my dorm, anytime I had to go to the lobby or somewhere I'd use "Him downstairs" from Bernie Mac.

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The_C0u5@reddit

BRB, Approaching Pavonis Mons by balloon.

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LiaCee@reddit

Pretty sure it was "nope" and the spider //X\( ; ; )/X\ I was so edgy lol

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WritingNerdy@reddit

That’s a cute spider

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foxontherox@reddit

BRB, bio break

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WritingNerdy@reddit

People still say that 😂

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FriedBreakfast@reddit

My favorite was: I'm either reading a novel, taking a shit, or both Case one: Fuck off Case two: I'm out of toilet paper. Can you lend me some? Case three: Nevermind found some. Good thing I have this book.

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DG04511@reddit

… I want somethin' else To get me through this Semi-charmed kinda life… I want somethin' else I'm not listenin' when you say… Goodbye…

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WhiskeyBadger_@reddit

Ah, the meth anthem.

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Kumba42@reddit

*:: pastes lyrics from a random Therion song ::*

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SnooPaintings5597@reddit

You have reached 312-256-####, please leave a message after the tone.

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DazzlingBullfrog9@reddit

"I'm in the midst of a TRAAAAAAUUMAAA. Leave a message, I'll call you back..."

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TheBr0fessor@reddit

.xX Foraging for food Xx.

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Diesel07012012@reddit

“Eating dinner. Please weight.”

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Logvin@reddit

Sanka you did mon?

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VariationDifferent@reddit

No, mon. I'm not dead. We hafta finish the race.

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pastabologna@reddit

Estlatviania

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CoolHandLucifer@reddit

'Scuse me while I kiss the sky And other assorted song lyrics

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FREEM_Everlasting@reddit

"Snoogins"

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chaosmanager@reddit

“Maybe I’m crazy, but laughing out loud makes the pain pass by.” It’s a DMB quote.

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ohfrackthis@reddit

Kthx *gotta flirt with someone new now*

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Khajiit_Has_Upvotes@reddit

You can't forget the .-*~ embellishment ~*-.

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Mocosa@reddit

AFK ***looking for my lost marbles***

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Petunia_pig@reddit

I really like this one!

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Few-Helicopter-3413@reddit

Mine were almost all Fight Club quotes (or inspired). “I am Jack’s away message” was my favorite for a while. SO edgy.

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Dwayne_@reddit

\*So fresh and so clean, clean\* - Everyone taking a shower in the fall of 2000.

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ZaphodBeeblebrahx@reddit

Sorry I’m not home right now, out walking in the spiderweb. Leave a message and I’ll call you back.

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nopester24@reddit

https://preview.redd.it/5ng304d9ejig1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a7dbb3e2e9ee501c4eb6466d1d01e92716b47259

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RelevantNothing4653@reddit

BRB .... taking a dump

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jayhof52@reddit

Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere And this is my reaction to everything I fear 'Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here Man, sometimes I just dunno anymore…

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CerebralAssassin88@reddit

![gif](giphy|KFt2DA9T82paOA1Yci)

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raff_riff@reddit

> … around …

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