What’s the one thing that made you think “wow, no one warned me about this”?

I like that you say this and I hope it's true for a lot of people. I'm struggling with an elderly parent who was not a good parent, and it's hard. I understand it's common for people who become confused to be angry, to deny the problem, to try and cover it up by lying and saying they didn't make mistakes. To try to preserve their dignity at the expense of making it easier to support them. That seems like something that is difficult at the best of times but I've had a lifetime of aggression, lies, and unfair blame. A lifetime of being hurt because she wouldn't admit her weaknesses. Even when there's no control it horribly mirrors abusive behaviour (which included conveniently not remembering things that made her look bad). I think there's meant to be some allowances made, some sympathy given, but it all ran out a long time ago. And when she's vulnerable I remember how she treated me when I was vulnerable. I am kind of wishing things had been a little *worse*. Then maybe I'd have left and not looked back, instead of a relationship that did have positives, making it harder to escape the rest of it. I try to be at least an OK person and try to find a level of support I can give without destroying myself, or behaving badly towards her. But it **hard**.