TheaterFire

Which is worse, a physical or emotional affair?

Posted by VolcanicBear@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 41 comments

Generally curious from a marriage perspective. Asking for a friend, honest.

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41 Comments

juiceaholic999@reddit

Physical. The thought of your misses getting rattled by another guy should be sickening if you’re normal.
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PontiusThe-AV8Tor@reddit

I’d rather that than emotional every day of the week.
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PontiusThe-AV8Tor@reddit

Emotional every day of the week. I got drunk and snogged someone at a party may be a symptom or a bit of boredom or just a moment of stupidity. I liked someone enough to develop feelings for them and want to spend time and be with them is way way worse. Basically the difference between a posh wank and a choice to disrespect the boundaries of your current relationship.
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PurpleOctopus6789@reddit

boredom or moment of stupidity are no excuses for cheating and don't make it any easier on the person who was cheated on. In fact, it makes it even worse because something like boredom was enough for you to cheat meaning they're not important enough to you to consider other form of alleviating your boredom. In fact, it's tied to emotional cheating at that point. Because, while you may not fall in love with the person you cheated on, you are emotionally so removed from your partner that boredom (whether just being bored or being bored in a relationship) makes you cheat.
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PontiusThe-AV8Tor@reddit

I complete agree not only are they not excuses for cheating. Nothing is an excuse for cheating. If you’re done and time is up in the relationship and you have tried everything possible to salvage it and it is truly irreconcilable differences. Then and only then leave. If you so not put the effort in to fix whatever is wrong not only will it not fix itself it will likely happen in another form in the next relationship so why bother. Better the devil you know. But cheating is never an option for any reason.
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Scarred_fish@reddit

No.
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PurpleOctopus6789@reddit

huh? first time I got accused of being AI but hey, I guess there's first time for everything. It must be rather sad being on look out for AI everywhere though.
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Scarred_fish@reddit

Haha seriously? Ok my bad, certainly not "on the lookout" for AI, just your post was full of all the tell-tale signs, there seemed to be no other explanation!
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PurpleOctopus6789@reddit

tell-tale signs? clearly, you're on the look out. >there seemed to be no other explanation! hmm, let me think, somoene may be autistic, dyslexic, be non-native speakers, have learning difficulties, or simply have different speech pattern or different opinion to you... the list goes on and on, yet you jumped straight to AI. I suggest you should go outside.
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Scarred_fish@reddit

Er, none of those characteristics (I edit reports regularly and work with people from various cultures with a variety of learning disabilities) explain the garbled nonsense. Badly prompted AI was the only possible explanation, apologies.
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PurpleOctopus6789@reddit

except that it does explain it. You clearly haven't spoken and read people's comments enough if you don't think either of those things explain writing in a specific way. You seriously need to go outside and touch the grass since you seem to constantly accuse comments of being AI. What a weird life you must have when you just assume that comments are AI because they don't adhere to your idea of how they should be written. Weird. >Badly prompted AI was the only possible explanation, apologies. and yet here you are, accusing someone of using AI simply because you don't know any better and proving my point that other things explain why things are written the way they are.
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Forsaken_Bee3717@reddit

I think it depends. A kiss can just be someone acting out whether they want to be with someone else. And the answer to it can be, I wish I hadn’t done it, I want to be with my partner. For an emotional affair you have already left your relationship, but you just haven’t told the other person.
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PurpleOctopus6789@reddit

both and they're often connected even if they may not see to be at first glance.
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Wonderful-Bonus5439@reddit

I think “time invested in the affair” is more important than the physical v emotional.
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millimolli14@reddit

For me they’re the same
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hunsnet457@reddit

Emotional. I’ve experienced both and for some reason the physical aspect just washed over me, it still hurt but I could process it relatively easily. The emotional affair fucked me up and still does.
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Ready-Hold-4000@reddit

physical because of health risks/STDs
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podrickthegoat@reddit

As someone who has seen emotional cheating in my family, emotional cheating can also include flirting and sexting which is just as bad as physical. Its just also got an emotional bond with it. I find it incredibly frustrating when the person in my family keeps saying “well it’s not like I met up with him or did anything with him” like it’s somehow less disrespectful
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ImThatBitchNoodles@reddit

It's emotional for me. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Sex can be purely physical, but when you open yourself up emotionally to someone else that's where the betrayal is, imo. I think letting someone know your true self, your deepest secrets, your vulnerabilities and insecurities, fantasising about them making you feel truly loved and wanted, that's a lot more deep, intimate and real than just sex.
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n0tmyusual@reddit

I hear you, but I'd hope that my partner had a lot of those elements with their friends. I know I do with mine!
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ImThatBitchNoodles@reddit

I also love my friends and confide in them, but I feel like it's not in the same way I confide in my partner.
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wopsywoo@reddit

I'd say physical just tips the scale for me.
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SnooCakes1636@reddit

Doesn’t count if it’s just the tip though
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Fizzywaterjones@reddit

STDs, so physical would be worse.
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SemiproRock@reddit

Emotional 100%
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West-Ad-1532@reddit

Physical, but I believe emotional is hiding the truth. No time for cheating, it's happened to me twice in 30 yrs, cost me a fortune and 2 homes.
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ItsShaneMcE@reddit

Emotional. I could find a way to forgive a drunken one night stand. I 💯 wouldn’t be able to move past an emotional connection
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KEW95@reddit

It likely depends on the depth of the cheating, regardless of the type. How far did it go and how long did it go on for, etc.
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LilacScentedStoat@reddit

Both break trust.  Relationships, especially marriages, can't exist without trust.  Once it's broken, you can try as hard as you like, but it won't ever be whole again. 
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gogybo@reddit

I was going to say "emotional if it's serious enough" but I can't imagine a serious emotional affair not having a physical side to it, so I'm not sure. Probably still inclined to say emotional though if it involves real feelings.
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TravellingMackem@reddit

Long distance ones presumably
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gogybo@reddit

Yeah true
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idontlikemondays321@reddit

Emotional. Physical is face value and pretty much everybody is physically attracted to multiple people. It’s rare to feel emotionally connected to somebody as a partner
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someoneinbetweeen@reddit

both are just as bad for me
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leigh2343@reddit

Physical, I'm immunocompromised and am terrified of developing an std when I don't know I might. If I decide to have a 1 night stand or start a new relationship or fwb I understand there's a risk of stds that comes with that. How am I ment to trust someone to wear protection if they won't even just, you know, not cheat.
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Frequent_Tea_8992@reddit

Emotional affair is worse than a physical kiss. But another beyond a fleeting kiss is worse than an emotional affair. However it does depend how long and to what extent the emotional affair has reached
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Afraid_Jellyfish6718@reddit

I don’t think it’s as simple as one being worse than the other. It’s a very expansive question. You could argue that a one night stand is less destructive than an affair that lasted years…either way they’re both soul destroying. Nobody wins. Lives are potentially destroyed.
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shazhazel@reddit

Physical might last minutes/hours/days/weeks but emotional can last decades
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Generallyapathetic92@reddit

Physical for me. Mainly because an emotional affair can be more of a mistake (depending how far it goes) by just becoming too close. There’s no question about a physical affair being cheating.
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Old-Abbreviations845@reddit

Emotional in my opinion
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