Where are the people who have lived through burnout? Women ideally 🔸

Posted by BigMagic88@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 19 comments

I’m on year 4 of burnout/grief/depression/shame/ptsd. Possibly undiagnosed neurodivergence. I honestly believe I’m just good old fashioned tired! I don’t need a professional diagnosis to confirm I am in fact exhausted from how I’ve lived my life. Or what has happened. Had multiple jobs and then went self employed. Moved out just as I was starting my first business. So I’ve been self employed for 15 years. I’m 37 now. Cut a long story short, I had it all and now I’ve now got nothing. No business, no particular income, no friends, no partner. Just my home being paid for by my benefits. In the space of 18 months a LOT happened which turned my life upside down. I’m still plodding along somehow. Lockdown was great but it also aligned with starting a second company, a huge public breakup, (in my circle we were online a lot! So I’ve never had thousands of people witness me get cheated on 🫣) moving house multiple times, miscarriage, abuse from a situationship. Plus all the other little bits that kept flowing in. I’m finally starting to rest. And I actually love this slow life. Or do I? Do I just love not having chaos attack my nervous system every week? I genuinely don’t know what’s real. I’m in masses of debt. Which can be cleared by going bankrupt as the smartest option. (Still in discussion on that) But how does it feel from the transition from frazzled to ok maybe I can work again to actually working again? I know it’ll look different for everyone. I don’t want a regular job, I’m ok being self employed. I think. I just want to hear some “it’ll be ok in the end” stories. And maybe “this is what helped me” advice. Today is a rest day - been food shopping and not got off the sofa for 4 hours so far. These days are usually saved for a Saturday.

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19 Comments

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Tildatots@reddit

No advice but I’m about 3 months in. I was finally signed off work for a month a couple of weeks ago. I feel like it’s never needing

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BigMagic88@reddit (OP)

Yeah. It’s a weird one. You might even be too early to acknowledge the full force of it. I actually stopped when I went to docs and she said it was clinical depression. And that was 2 years in! And I’d def been low for a few years before that. It’s a wild ride

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trin6948@reddit

I was diagnosed with ADHD 18m ago in my 40sF. I was in a job I hated that came to a head when I had multiple miscarriages and unsupportive managers. I got out of the job and spent 4 years in a super low impact job just recovering. Then I retrained as a teacher and I'm loving it. I feel I can laugh and enjoy life again. It took time but I got there and so can you. Take your time find something that gets you moving and thinking again. Something you enjoy that's all you. You got this, it does get better. Be kind to yourself and celebrate small wins.

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BigMagic88@reddit (OP)

Yes! The low impact job really appeals right now even though I don’t know I am employable after being so free for years 😂 Something I can do for a few hours and leave it at work. Not having it consume my every second. Thank you 🙏

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trin6948@reddit

That's exactly it!

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africanviolet@reddit

It will be okay in the end - but it’ll be rough in the meantime. What helped me is letting go of demands, and diving into hobbies that gave me joy, and any preconceived ideas of what I ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ be doing. I also have a routine I need to follow in order to function. I had to take extended time off work to recover and fully rest. It’s hard but you’ll find way to manage. Do you take medication, speak to a therapist? Also while I know these are not a cure all but a solid routine does wonders. Eating your healthy meals, enough sleep, and hydration really can make or break a ‘bad’ day or week.

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BigMagic88@reddit (OP)

Yeah rough is about right 😬 No meds. I tried a loaf and they never quite hit the spot so I’m off those. Finding it awkward with NHS therapies. They are coming up short. Either not appropriate at all or this week I thought I was getting a proper therapist and she’s just a counsellor who listened and repeated back what I’d said. Which is not it. I’m getting better help on AI apps if I have a deep question. So I’ll try her again next week and see if she has any actual skills. I’m bored of talking to a degree. I’d like some homework each week from someone who is qualified to advise. I’m still focusing on breath work but probably not as much as I should be. My work was my entire identity so I’m still trying to let that go. I do cook for myself more which is something but hardly a hobby. I don’t think I’m really that interested in anything. Plus I don’t have the finances to go wild 🤪

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africanviolet@reddit

I understand- CBT is not good for neurodivergent brains. Have you looked in other types of therapy? Like DBT, person-centred, somatic, EDMR - there’s lots out there! I also understand with someone giving me homework and the tools to do the work, rather than figuring it out completely alone. It’s okay, little steps. Could you do yourself a little printing routine to do each day as a reminder? Lots of cheap meals you can cook - check out subreddits for that. Batch cooking helps a lot although I do sometimes eat chicken nuggets and chips haha

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BigMagic88@reddit (OP)

I’m looking for the right person. And as no one is able to diagnose it’s proving harder to know what type of therapy I actually need. All of it 😂 person centred is just chatting I believe. And that’s not right for me. I chat all day going over the same things whether talking to myself, my mum or a client so adding someone else to the mix who doesn’t offer anything sensible isn’t helpful. Cos I wonder if I knew the answers they would have shown up by now. Ha I can’t do batch cooking. I never eat it again haha. Has to be freshly made. I made a mass of lovely creamy pasta last week. It got out of hand cos I kept adding more. Then I sent some to my mum and took a load over to my neighbour too. I’m going to phone my therapy lady now and see if she’s got anything she will do differently next week. Failing that I’ll get looking for other types of therapy :)

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africanviolet@reddit

To be honest, no therapist is going to tell you what to do as it’s probably against their code of ethics. What you’re describing is a support worker or something similar. Do you live in England? If so, look at the right to choose pathway.

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BigMagic88@reddit (OP)

I keep saying an appropriate adult! I feel like a toddler who needs retraining 🫣 Ah yeah, in England. Someone said that about right to choose. I only know of that cos I used it for the neuro stuff. But they do a lot of stuff apparently. I’ll do it now. Still no desire to move today 😭

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africanviolet@reddit

That’s okay, you don’t need to do anything today.

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Spiritual_Weather656@reddit

I can really only help with the "for me" part as I am 26 and have never even worked a job! For me, not working has been amazing at helping me start working on the autistic traits which prevented me from doing so much, going to the shops when I was younger was a nightmare. I wouldn't do it. For the first time in my life I went into a shop on my own (albeit, 10 minutes grabbing two things) that's still so much growth from what I used to be like. I think about the parts I can work on, what feels comfortable or doable. It wasn't like I spent a decade trying to go into shops on my own, I wasn't trying to work on that because it seemed unimaginable and torturous. I worked on the other aspects to help me get to that point. Mostly social aspects, trying to make friends, getting into relationships, it's what I did and felt like I could do to work on things. The more I worked on these other things the more it built up as a kind of armour on me to work on the other things. So I don't know what you feel like is the first doable step towards making your life a little more comfortable. I know it's the most daunting step. Maybe for you it's just joining a class and getting some exercise or time outdoors? Maybe it's staying in until you feel the strength to go out and do that. All I know is you need to remind yourself, the little things build up your armour.

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BigMagic88@reddit (OP)

Haha yeah staying in absolutely feels like the right thing but then it’s like what if this is wrong? What did you do from leaving school to now? Day to day? How did you finance life? Do you think you’ll get a job? For me, not working is unimaginable which is why I think it’s taken so long for me to relax. To be fair I still have 6 clients so I’ve not stopped entirely but they are easy people to be around. I sacked the rest 😬

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thelaughingman_1991@reddit

34/M, diagnosed ADHD as of July last year. A lot of similar traits to above including debt(s), many, *many* jobs over the years, with overwhelming feelings of shame, regret etc caused by internal chaos bleeding out into external chaos. I'm not going to sit here and armchair diagnose, as it's not appropriate, but could be something to explore. I've had two intense periods of burnout previously. What helped me were building blocks, so being consistent with one thing, then that and another thing, and slowly building up. Taking it one day at a time and working through what can be controlled, rather than what can't. Making a checklist each day and working through it, which simultaneously keeps you motivated and accountable. I'll list what's helped with my ADHD generally, and for those periods of time in my life: * Taking sleep quality/quantity seriously. That hour of braindead scrolling won't be as important as an hour's sleep. * Taking diet seriously. I appreciate for a lot of people this can be somewhat of a luxury between abilities, costs, availability etc, but filling your petrol tank as a human being with crap means you won't run well. I'm prone to depressive/anxious tendencies with ultra processed foods in my system, and not enough protein/vitamins/nutrients from good food. * Drinking enough water. Similar to above. * Exercise. The #1 silver bullet for mitigating symptoms outside of medication. Ideally something intense like running or weightlifting for 30-60 minutes, but even walking outside for 30+ minutes a day makes a world of difference. * Use the energy gained from above to start controlling your environment. Keep your room and place clean and tidy. Sell unwanted things, cleaned and well presented through Vinted for extra cash. Environment is everything.

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BigMagic88@reddit (OP)

See I’m making lots of lists. I’m starting to see which work helps and which hinders me. I’ve never considered it before. I’m on the lists to be checked so that’ll come whenever it’s ready I guess. Soon hopefully cos it might make things easier to digest. Yes! So I’ve just learned how the beginning, middle and end thing makes so much sense! That was a huge aha moment. On that note - do you know if that includes lying on the sofa? 😂 Sleep yes. Takes forever to get off but I like to wake up by myself which is a huge one for me. So ive made changes to adapt to the later starts. This is a great list thank you. Good I am working on. I’m 4 weeks off the takeaways so that’s something. I am a good cook just Cba half the time. But I do have the time. And yes. My home is 90% perfect. I already did the monster clear out a few years back when I was convinced moving house would resolve all issues. I’m half way to minimal now and it’s a nice way to live for me.

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BigMagic88@reddit (OP)

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