Grandparents who live far from the grandkids - how do you stay involved?
Posted by Trixie_Gray@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 43 comments
We've always been a big part of our granddaughter's life, she's almost 2. A job opportunity came up really quickly for them and they're going from 10 minutes away to 4 hours away.
What kinds of things do you do to stay in touch? I've got an iPad coming to make facetime easier but no ideas after that. We fully support what they're doing, but my God are we struggling with no longer seeing her every few days.
LDawnBurges@reddit
Ours moved half way across the Country, for a better chance at achieving their American dream, and I’ve really struggled to keep ‘close’. It hurts my heart to have them so far away, after having them in my ‘backyard’ for 10 years.
My Hubby became unexpectedly seriously ill, so we can’t really travel to go see them. And, they can’t really afford to come visit us. It’s hard. Hugs internet stranger. 🫂❤️
Recent-Pressure-2381@reddit
My heart goes out to you both… very similar to my story except my only grandchild is 2. It’s like I’m grieving so badly I cant hardly look at all the photos I’ve taken because my heart literally aches for him (& my daughter; who is his mom). I miss them so much I am just sick over it… Hugs and prayers ! 🙏🏼♥️
Trixie_Gray@reddit (OP)
Exactly how I feel! It's not the end of the world, just really hard right now. Thanks for the hug
Recent-Pressure-2381@reddit
This just happened to me with my grandson in January . In 2025 I actually moved from my home so that I could be closer to my daughter and my new grandson (my only grandchild so far) and her husband decided that instead of building a home there as was the original plan-that he wanted to accept a “great” position 4 hours away.. it has devastated me. I was asked to move with them to this city also but honestly couldn’t afford to so I moved back to my hometown… I’m so scared my grandson is going to forget me. And I’m 63 yrs old and you know how busy young parents are… so them coming here probably won’t happen much & it will be me traveling there. I’ve seen him only twice this year .. once two weekends ago when I drove up there for the weekend.. and I already could feel the change. I saw him sometimes more than once a week the first year of his life and last year so this is like me missing my daughter terribly and my grandbaby equally bad all at the same time. I just don’t know what to do… I still must work to make ends meet so going up whenever I feel like it isn’t realistic because I can’t. I would move there also but can’t afford the cost of living in this huge city. My heart goes out to you and I understand your pain as I am struggling with this also. (And secretly resent my son-in-law for choosing this; especially when he tells my daughter only a month after moving there that maybe they shouldn’t have moved?!!?? I believe she went ballistic as she gave up a fantastic career for one that she now despises.
Finding_Way_@reddit
My good friends see their grandson monthly
They make the 3-4 hour drive and spend the weekend
Parents use the time to have a date night/day. They also have full family time hanging out there at the house
I think the grandson is almost 4 now and looks forward to the visits. They also have kept him for weekends a few times.
They'd go more But their daughter-in-law's parents also travel in so the couples all agree that they don't want to be on top of the young family every single weekend.
They also have two grandchildren here in our town. So keeping their grandson is increasing as all involved want the cousins to have a relationship
tchrhoo@reddit
I saw my granddaughter nearly every day the first year of her life and then she moved about 4 hours away. The first year after they moved was tough. I have prioritized seeing her once a month. Most visits are just hang out and be together type visits, but every two to three months, we do special outings (the zoo, pumpkin patch, amusement parks, etc).
bizzylearning@reddit
Just has the first grandchild join the family this past Fall, and we haaaaaate living a 17-hr drive away.
So far, I've been out twice, for a week each time. We'll make sure we get out there for Big Life Events, but also plan to go visit at least 3-4 times a year until he's old enough to be able to come see us. Then we'll support making that happen (travel can be so expensive). And I hope to cover trips with us -- even if it's just camping or visiting national parks and such. We want to be involved, but we aren't going to move, so we figure it's on us to be proactive and not just hassle the kids to "come visit".
I send books. We got MarcoPolo so we can send him videos that his mom can play for him on his schedule, when he's up and about. Beyond that, we haven't had time to do much else. But I really don't want to be some stranger he doesn't connect with who just seems to be weirdly attached him.
Trixie_Gray@reddit (OP)
Oh God that's exactly it! We have her all the time right now but she's only going to be 2 so won't remember. I'm so afraid of being that weird stranger. Thanks for the tip about the app, sounds like it would be really useful.
bizzylearning@reddit
I just remembered something my husband's aunt did for our kids! We called it an "Aunt B Box" -- she kept an empty cardboard box by the door and when she was out and about and saw something that made her think of the kids, she would grab it and put it in the box. When the box was full, it got mailed to us.
They didn't come on a cadence, just whenever one was full, she'd send it. And there was ZERO system or standardization to the contents, so it was always a fun, wild surprise for the kids to open them. It might be hooded bath towels, coloring books, stained glass, books to read, weird candy she found in the middle of nowhere, overstock snacks, post cards from places she'd been or of animals she'd seen and a note to the kids. Truly just random stuff. She would often include things for us - maybe kitchen towels or a journal or something, depending on what she'd come across. Opening an Aunt B Box was AN EVENT. They'd wait until everyone was home to open it.
The kids only saw her once every few years (we lived across the country and we were too broke to travel most of the time), but they knew their Aunt B loved them and thought of them, and when they did see her, it wasn't awkward, at all.
I just put an empty cardboard box by the front door.
Trixie_Gray@reddit (OP)
This is perfect!!! We already buy random stuff for her all the, its a fantastic way to just keep doing it! I'm so glad you remembered ❤️
oldbiddy-intraining@reddit
Ours are 2,000 miles away, 3 years old & 1 year old twins. We face time send packages, visit twice a year so far.
We also had our son set up email accounts for each grandchild. We email them special memories or everyday thoughts. Hoping when they are older they can read them & see how much we thought about them & loved them.
It is a wonderful feeling when the 3 year old asks to face time us 💕 & walks around to show us what he is doing.
Trixie_Gray@reddit (OP)
The email is a wonderful idea! My husband started a journal when she was born, this might be a way to extend that. Thanks for the idea!
I-used2B-a-Valkyrie@reddit
I don’t have grandkids yet but I have a 5yo and my folks are about a 12 hour drive away. We call and FaceTime almost every day. We send gifts in the mail a lot (we bake for them, they send books and dolls for her), and we usually visit at least twice a year.
My mom is on new Chemo this holiday season so we couldn’t go up to see them because she had low immunity and we didn’t want to risk catching a cold (or worse) at the airport and getting her sick.
So she stays pretty close to my parents even though we are far away.
Big_Nas_in_CO@reddit
We are away from the grandparents (12 hr drive) but we and them make time in our lives to see each other. Some ideas:
Plan a family trip for all of you to go on. Like a summer getaway or weekend trip. The kids seem to respond really well to a "get out of town vacation" and it makes memories for them of fun times with you. Doesn't have to be to Paris but maybe a cabin on a lake, amusement park or even an Air BnB in a fun town with activities. Something like that.
Set up a weekly iPad chat to check in. Sounds like you are doing this but if you make it a regular thing, they can get excited about it.
Also, set aside a weekend every 1-2 months to go visit. This will give the kids something to look forward to and gives you a chance to spend quality time with them too.
If you craft, send them some completed projects so they have a piece of Grandma to look at and think about.
Its hard but as long as you make an effort, the parents should respond positively to your desire to keep in touch.
Trixie_Gray@reddit (OP)
All great ideas, we're close as a family so I'm hoping it works out that way for us as well.
GirlStiletto@reddit
When my sister moved three states away for work, my parents just planned monthly weekend road trips to visit. (And during the summer, sis would sometimes send the grandkids home with them for a week). And sis (and bil) made quarterly trips home with the kids as well.
And they did a lot of skyping and then later zoom and Ipad stuff.
It became a mini vacation for my parents, even if it was just a weekend, that they really looked forward to. And the grandkids quickly got used to long car trips (to the point that now, anything less than 6 hours away is a day trip to them). And my parents got to see the grandkids at soccer games, hockey matches, craft shows, and so on. (And it gave sis and bil a weekend off from time to time.)
Trixie_Gray@reddit (OP)
That sounds really nice, thank you!
mjh8212@reddit
When my daughter was 17 she moved a thousand miles away south with her dad to get away from our harsh winters. Now she has a kid we video chat a lot she knows me when she sees me and will talk to me and show me her toys. I send gifts get her new clothes. I usually fly down once a year my grandchild’s birthday week but don’t know if I’ll go this year as I’m having some health issues. My daughter’s husband has a daughter as well and I see her when I’m down there and get gifts for holidays for her as well.
marugirl@reddit
I spent pretty much every 2nd weekend with my granddaughter until she was 12, then they moved to Aussie for four years. Now I believe shes in ireland, they left without giving us phone numbers or address so haven't seen or heard from her in two years. It sucks.
Trixie_Gray@reddit (OP)
I'll definitely take what I can get and hope for the best! Thank you for the comment.
Similar-Rutabaga-954@reddit
In the decades before all of this forced computerized malarkey, my grandparents, who lived 200 miles away, would drive the 5 hours to visit my family, or we'd either drive or take a Greyhound to see them, at least 2ce a year; and in between there were phone calls, handwritten letters, & real photos.
Stillmaineiac88@reddit
We’re in Maine and the Grandbabies(4m, 2f) are in N. C. We talk to them nearly daily on FaceTime, with my Wife and Daughter talking several times a day. They are both SAH, so they are fortunate to have time for that. Apparently, our Granddaughter comes running from wherever she’s playing when she helps her Mother’s phone ring. 😀 We also try to visit at least 1 or 2 times a year. We are also moving to be near them in the spring.
Best of luck with this.
Trixie_Gray@reddit (OP)
Thank you and best wishes on your move, its fantastic that you're able to!
Stillmaineiac88@reddit
We’ve been in this state for 30 years now. It was time to move on and this is the perfect excuse!
Responsible_Trash_40@reddit
We send gifts, interact with social media posts and stay in contact often with calls, texts, FaceTime. Just make effort to be interested and as involved as possible and we try to visit once a year at least.
Thirty_Helens_Agree@reddit
If you haven’t watched the “Faceytime” episode of Bluey, check it out. Grandparents on FaceTime with a grandkid who’s in the throes of the terrible twos.
Trixie_Gray@reddit (OP)
Love Bluey, my husband watches it even when she's not here because it cracks him up. I'll have to check it out.
Trixie_Gray@reddit (OP)
Making the effort does seem to be ticket, thank you for the ideas!
Trolkarlen@reddit
My parents grew up in the same town. My dad moved us far from our grandparents. His parents were hardly involved at all, which was probably his design. My mom's parents went to herculean efforts to be involved in our lives, and I still love them for it.
This, of course, was in the era of expensive long distance calls, expensive air travel, and no Internet or cellphones.
Trixie_Gray@reddit (OP)
I'm so hoping it'll be like your mom's parents, that she'll still feel how much we love her even though we aren't there.
demona2002@reddit
Mine is 3500 miles away. I used to travel to visit a few times a year and stay a couple of months at a time when she was very little. Now she is 11 and I do 2 vacations a year and FaceTime. I like to take her away for 1 international trip a year. It hurts my heart to be so far away.
Trixie_Gray@reddit (OP)
Mine being a pretty easy day trip makes it a little easier, my gosh do you have it rough with 3500 miles. I'm glad you're able to still get some time in, those vacations sound special.
Alarming-Hope-2541@reddit
Buy two 100 rolls of stamps, paper, and envelopes, keep half and give the other half to her. Write her all the time, I am pen pals with my great nieces (no grandbabies yet, but I am ready) and it is the absolute highlight of our day when we get letters. Have her color on her papers and have her parents write what she would like to tell you and before you know it she will be writing words and her name. Then save everything. One day years from now it will be the most precious memory. Getting to hear about her day and her hearing about yours is like she is still there.
Trixie_Gray@reddit (OP)
That sounds really special. I've got a roll of stamps and maybe I'll pick up a small box of envelopes too to make it easier for them. Thank you!
AnniemaeHRI@reddit
We live 15 minutes from our granddaughters so see them often but 550 miles from our sons and grandsons. With flying, car rental, then drive to them it’s about the same as driving, about 10 hours without any delays. We do it every couple of months, they also come to us once a year. Now that the grands are a bit older, 4F, 3F, 3M, and 4 month M, we’re going in vacations with them. Never thought we would be going to an indoor water park but the second one is in April. We’ve also been camping a few times in campers, will prob go to Hawaii with grandsons this year. We also FT at least once a week but now that he’s old enough he asks to FT and we do whenever he wants. It’s not enough for me but I will take what I can get!!! (Often send little gifts and we sing and act very silly on FT!)
raginghappy@reddit
Video (facetime) bedtime reading & catching up at least weekly, video meals here and there, been coming along on walks via video since she was a baby, me on live video has just become a regular part of grandkid’s routine, it’s the best we can do so that’s what we do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Trixie_Gray@reddit (OP)
Love all of these! Hoping we can just become part of the regular routine too. Thank you!
thedudeintx82@reddit
Make time at least Quarterly to spend time with them. I also live about 4 hours away from my grandson. Last year I was not good about that but I've made it my mission this year to do that at a minimum.
I also make sure for certain occasions to be there. I'll not miss his birthday and my holiday I get is Christmas. So those days are non-negotiable for me.
I also just make it a point to at least weekly call and check in on them.
I also check in with my daughter all the time to see if there's anything they need and try and help out where I can, when I can. Whether he's outgrown his clothes or has some special need at the moment.
I should also note that technically I'm a "step-grandparent". His mom is my late wife's daughter. She was living with us when she was pregnant with him and I was who drove her to the hospital when she started labor. They also lived with us for a few months after he was born. He was in the hospital for about 3 weeks after he was born as he was early.
Trixie_Gray@reddit (OP)
Quarterly at minimum is a good thing to keep in mind. I'm hoping we'll be able to see each other at least once a month but when everyone is so busy it can easily fall by the wayside. Thanks for the tip!
ReasonableBoot3823@reddit
While they are not grandparents, my sister, who is my closest sibling, moved to Canada and she is basically “super aunt.” She doesn’t have kids of her own and wanted to maintain a connection with mine, so she does FaceTime with my daughter where they find a recipe that they can make at the same time. She made a recipe book with all of the recipes that they have done on these FaceTimes and gave it to her. It is one of my daughter‘s most cherished possessions. With my youngest, she does FaceTime art class where my daughter chooses the theme and they draw stuff together. She saves the drawings and mails them to her so she gets a kick out of getting something in the mail, and my daughter keeps them in a book.
Trixie_Gray@reddit (OP)
Very creative ideas, I love them!
overeducatedhick@reddit
In my observation, sometimes they don't and that is kind of the point.
MidwestAbe@reddit
You can drive there and back in a day if you want too.
Long day. Up at 6. There at 10. Leave at 5 home at 9.
When you said a long way, I figured you meant a 6 hour plane ride or something.