Anyone else feel melancholic after visiting their parents?

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westiemaven@reddit

Both of my parents have been gone a long time now. Mom died in 2004, and Dad in 2005. I can understand how you feel about them dying soon, but I would have given just about anything to have another 20 years with them. Please call, text, or visit them as often as possible. You never know how much you miss them until they're gone.

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r7pxrv@reddit

I miss my parents. I was the youngest of 9 and didn't get the chance to spend my real adult years with them.

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Sad-Kale-8179@reddit

My parents are gone: dad passed in 2013 at 68 and my mom held on for almost 10 more years until 2022. And by far this is the most disconnected I’ve ever felt to life. I’m happy and living but something always feels like it’s missing no matter what I do. The worst era to enter into

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Distinct_Occasion178@reddit

Same - I'm not quite 60 but my dad has been gone 25 yrs and my mom 21. I have siblings, my own family, and a nice job etc. but when your parents die it's like you lose your anchor to the world. It sucks.

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mden1974@reddit

I feel like no one actually knows me

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Komaisnotsalty@reddit

I live 15 minutes from my mom. She's close to 84 and acts more like 65, but I'm starting to see a lot of memory slips and she can get really spicy all of a sudden. She never has been in her entire life. I often think if today's the day where she doesn't answer her phone or my sibling calls (she lives with them) and tells me she didn't wake up or something. Until then, I enjoy living nearby. It'll happen some day. It's inevitable but I hope its not for awhile yet.

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mden1974@reddit

If she’s still spicy at 84 she’ll likely make it to 90.

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bigbirdlittlemood@reddit

I had a very, very hard time saying goodbye to my mom at Christmas. I know it will be the last one. Even if we are together next year, things will be very different. I teared up just writing this comment.

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EarPlugsAndEyeMask@reddit

🫂

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Thick-Fly-5727@reddit

YES. I just put my mom in assisted living and she lives 1 mile down the road from me so I can be there at a moment's notice. But I DREAD seeing her. Not because I don't love her, but she makes me just so sad. She's got some dementia, is weak, and doesn't move around very well. She has not proactive for her own health and wellbeing and I am having to spoon feed her happiness to her now. It's frustrating and exhausting, and I hate that I feel some resentment. I REALLY watch what I say to her because I never want that to bubble over. I limit my time with her to once a week, twice if she needs it, but that is rare. That time keeps me in check.

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StrangeSugar@reddit

"I am having to spoon feed her happiness" really hit home for me. Both my siblings are out of the country, so it is down to me to absorb all of it. My mother is unhappy, lonely, doesn't take care of herself, and if I say anything she snaps that her only issue is that she's lonely, implying that I don't spend enough time with her.

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Thick-Fly-5727@reddit

Yes, yes yes. My mom is always upset because she lives in a studio apartment and she has no room for her stuff. My superpower is being able to live in a tiny space, and back when I did, I loved it. So I have been working on making her studio adorable with all of her things and finding creative ways to store things. She knew she would be going into a studio and the waiting list was long for a bigger apartment. Yet she still complains about it. All day, every day. Its my fault because I "made her move into assisted living."

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StrangeSugar@reddit

I made sure that I didn't influence my mom to move after my dad died. She wanted to move closer to the city where I live, so bought a condo here and moved. Never mind that I had built a life a couple of hours away for reasons... Still, I think she blames me for it not being everything she thought it would be. For not seeing her every day. She crammed her condo with all the stuff she could from her house (oversized furniture included). She complains how she should have bought a bigger place (there were none available). Not easy, trying to take care of my teenage kids and my aging mother and a career and a marriage...

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agirldonkey@reddit

I feel you! My dad died in July after 3 years in memory care. I visited him every Wednesday but always cried in my car afterwards…I SO dreaded those visits, had to “pregame” in the parking lot for 20 minutes before I could make myself go inside…I miss him terribly but it was a relief to not have to go anymore… I have heard it described as “the hardest thing you’ll ever have the privilege to do”

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DawnInDesMoines@reddit

Same I try to get home 2x a year but every time I leave I’m blue for days later

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potter96@reddit

My dad died in 2016 and I love two states away from my mother. I go home as much as I can but it's not the same. When I leave I feel the same way though. It's not easy at all.

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SheriffBartholomew@reddit

Yes. Idk if I'll ever see my mom alive again.

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MidwestAbe@reddit

No. They healthy as can be for mid 80s. They have been wonderful people and extremely good parents and grandparents. I will be sad when they do go - but I don't get sad thinking about that day because that day will be crushing no matter what. So I choose happiness and gratitude and joy. The coming sadness doesn't get to thief anything of mine in the present. Ill deal with that cold reality on the day I need too.

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pasta666sauce@reddit

I’m pretty good at compartmentalizing but damn you are a master.

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MidwestAbe@reddit

It's a blessing and a curse

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Public-Air-8995@reddit

I’m not like that, but you’re right

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pasta666sauce@reddit

Yeah it sucks.

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Andovars_Ghost@reddit

No, usually I get the melancholia for the place when I haven’t been in a while, and the visit cures me of it by the second day.

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SparklesBunny_nz@reddit

I visited my Mum last week for a full day. After six hours I was ready to go.

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Andovars_Ghost@reddit

Takes me a *bit* more than six hours, but not much.

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goggles_99@reddit

I now have that fear with my mom. I learned the hardway with my dad. I saw him 2 weeks before he died (it was unexpected and he was healthy). He use to cry when we hugged goodbyw. He did this alot ever since i was a little kid. I always made fun of him and said stop it, we will see each other again. I do live close to my mom and i see her a lot but now I have a fear of it will be the last time. I hate it

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Walkaway20@reddit

Were your parents divorced? I am so sorry for your loss. All you can do is enjoy the time you have now. None of us know when it will be our last time. Anticipatory grief is a thief.

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amnichols@reddit

It’s called Anticipatory Grief. I got it every time I visited my mom in San Diego for the last three years of her life.

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slacks196@reddit

Same.

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Ok_Speed_4971@reddit

Yes, I’m fortunate to see her 3X a week. She now has dementia which is particularly hard. She’ll call and say strange things, so I play along because I don’t know what else to do. Then an hour later, it’s like it never happened. Seeing that decline and confusion makes me really sad.

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Ray_The_Engineer@reddit

I no longer have the luxury of visiting parents, I lost my last one in 2024. But yeah, while she was alive, the decline was clear with each visit, and I was never sure when things would end. She was so confused and immobile at the end that it was really a blessing, honestly.

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Angelicfyre@reddit

I just lost my dad a week before Christmas. I lost my mom over 15 years ago. I loved my childhood and I loved my parents. Now they’re gone and nothing will be the same.

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dirtybo0ts@reddit

Our stories are very similar. Lost my mom 10 years ago, dad a year ago on Dec 15. Nothing has been the same since and oddly the family (and it’s very small) is more disconnected than ever. I hate every bit of this.

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mmurphy5221@reddit

Both dead...dad was an asshole....eh

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waronfleas@reddit

I still have both, but the decline is set in. Dad is housebound, and consequently my mother is too (fall risk/some dementia/can't be left unattended). I am lucky enough to be able to see them every few weeks. It's exhausting but I do it. I find it hard every time I arrive at my hometown train station, knowing I'll never again see my Dad there, waiting for me.

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ThanksLongjumping362@reddit

Yes. Same.

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MomOnAMission0628@reddit

I live on the opposite coast from my parents. That was never the plan, but life happens. The older they get, the more I regret not fighting harder to relocate back (husband’s job was basically the reason). My parents have also missed out on most of their teenaged grandkids’ lives. Now, I’m suddenly feeling the necessity to make up for lost time. I now prioritize getting back for 2 weeks 3x a year + more frequent FaceTime. My parents are doing well for 76/77, but time is starting to fly faster. I hate to think of the day I won’t have my childhood home to return to.

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Last_Inevitable8311@reddit

Ugh that melancholy. Makes me think of photographer Deanna Dikeman. She took photos of her parents waving goodbye to her every time she left from a visit. I teared up looking through all the photos. https://deannadikeman.com/leaving-and-waving

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Fun_Independent_7529@reddit

Oh wow, had me in tears. So hard to lose our parents.

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bigbirdlittlemood@reddit

I saw those photos years ago and couldn't handle it. I think of them every time I pull away from my mom's place.

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Rough_Condition75@reddit

I’ve seen that before. Always compelling.

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dry_towelette99@reddit

Mine are dead, so 🤷‍♂️

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dreaminginteal@reddit

Ditto, dude. Don't care that much about Dad's remains, have no idea what has happened to Mom's. My wife offered to take some of Mom's ashes to Italy, which Mom loved. No response from step-father. It'll be two years in the spring.

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zeldasusername@reddit

I would cry the entire plane ride home when leaving my mother And i sobbed leaving my dad the other day, after stopping my sister off And I've been depressed all day so yes

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Charl33Bear@reddit

Currently visiting my dad for his 84th birthday. He was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and is starting to forget things and people. I can tell he sometimes isn’t sure who I am. I fly back home tomorrow knowing the next time I see him, he likely won’t know me at all.

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Samwhys_gamgee@reddit

My sibs are all 70+. I have several close cousins in their 80’s. Every time I leave a visit to PA to fly home, I wonder if it’s the last time I’ll visit and they will all still be there. I also remember all the parents and grandparents I have buried in the ground I’m flying over.

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toodledootootootoo@reddit

Every single time I visit

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CreatrixAnima@reddit

I spent a month at their house and I wanted to stay. I couldn’t obviously… Job. I’m pretty lucky to be able to go for a month at a time! And Mom had a pretty serious health crisis today. Very serious actually. It sucks. Sad because I’d rather be there with them.

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AggretsuKelly@reddit

Hi yeah, I'm 47 and last week I went past the cemetary where both my parents reside. It's hard and I do feel melancholic especially at Christmas. I envy those who still have one or both parents...enjoy being with them while you can. 😊

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Glass_Translator9@reddit

Yes. I live with my father now and I always worry that he’ll be asleep for good one morning. After losing my mother in 24, I’m terrified to go through this again. I feel so melancholic about life in general these days. Everything seems so purposeless. 😞

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Responsible_Bear4208@reddit

I did. Sadly, they've passed.

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JustAnotherJaneDoe33@reddit

When my parents are gone that will be the end of family for me. I don’t have a relationship with my brother anymore and our extended family is very small. It sucks knowing in a matter of a few years I will be alone.

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Wordwench@reddit

Considering that both of mine are gone, yes.

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Exciting_Border_9831@reddit

I used to worry it would be the last time I would I fly to see my dad (97 yo). Now he lives with me and there is part of me that feels like that every night before I go to bed.

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hold--the--line@reddit

The fragility is heart breaking.

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LLL-cubed-@reddit

My dad is 91.5 yo and I have this feeling each and every time. I see him twice a year. December is with me for the holidays. June or July I go to him. I try sooo hard not to dwell on the contemplation that “this time may be the last”…but it’s tough. Hugs from an internet stranger 🧡

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Karadek99@reddit

Sounds like hiraeth to me. I get it when I visit the home town and mom. It’s a Welsh word that refers to a nostalgic homesickness for a place or time you can’t return to.

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MundaneHuckleberry58@reddit

Yes. It’s been really hard for me this year. She’s in her mid 80s & doing okay comparatively but still.

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underbunderz@reddit

Pops had a stroke last year so I’ve been bi-state living since then. I do go to my home state & husband every 5 weeks or so for a few weeks. It’s getting more difficult pulling out of the driveway each time. This morning I melted down because he looked so tiny & fragile sleeping. It sucks the breath out of me.

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RedditSkippy@reddit

I just got off the phone with my mom. I always have to pump myself up to talk with her, and then I always feel slightly guilty about that. Let’s just say that I have a complicated relationship with my parents. I’ve noticed for the past several years that it’s hard to leave my parents’ house without feeling a little melancholic. I live about four hours from them by train (give or take, depending on the schedule.) I’ve noticed that I shed my “city” self as I get further away and the reverse happens when I take the train back, and in the past couple of years that transition seems more draining. So yes, I get that. Is there any way your mom would visit you this year?

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No-Measurement-6713@reddit

I live in the country and would get anxiety driving into the shithole city i grew up in. I always couldnt wait to get out of there and felt guilty about it.

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RedditSkippy@reddit

I’m definitely a city gal, and have spent my adult life in Northeastern cities of increasingly larger size. As I get older, however, I can understand the appeal of a slightly less-intense atmosphere. While I wouldn’t move back to my hometown, there are a few towns around there where I could see us living quietly.

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Silly-Power@reddit (OP)

I live overseas and its basically a days travel. At her age with her infirmities it would be too much for her.

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RedditSkippy@reddit

I get it. My in-laws are overseas and within the past three years or so, long-haul travel has become unmanageable for them. I think my FIL could still manage if he were by himself, but add in my MIL and there’s no way.

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Trolkarlen@reddit

My mom has been gone 10 years now. I barely talk to my dad.

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VorpalBunnyTeef@reddit

Same on both counts. I miss my mom.

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BaconNPotatoes@reddit

Kinda? My folks were pretty awful to me (and my sister) when we were kids. My father was straight up physically and emotionally abusive and my mother, just kinda let it happen. Now I live next door to them, walk a couple hundred feet and I'm at their door. Literally just walked home from dinner. My sister lives about ten hours away with her family.They're nothing like they were when we were younger but every time I leave some of the memories creep back.

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Thick-Fly-5727@reddit

Now you get to be the "parent" you deserved to your parents. I share in these feeling too, but that statement helps keep me going for mom.

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BaconNPotatoes@reddit

It's complicated and fucked up. Every time I see my sister she asks me if I'm okay and wants to know how I can do it. I basically have to forget how awful my childhood was and be the best person I can be.

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DanielDannyc12@reddit

My parents were 19 when I was born so still kicking. Definitely aging tho and does make you aware.

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CommunicationNew3745@reddit

Reading the comments, here, makes me feel some reflief, knowing I'm not the only one who went through this. My mom passed away 5 yrs ago, last October. Around 4 1/2 to 5 yrs before she passed, I started having those bouts of melacholia you mention, sweep over me. While my mom was fine, and I'd snap out of it, looking back, I do think part of me was sensing we might not have much time left. While I understand it isn't an option available to everyone, thankfully, things moved into place so she could be at home w/us the last few years.

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Major-Education-6715@reddit

Yep. Same here....although the aging process with a parent isn't necessarily fun times. (I need to de-program my visit trauma for at least one week after a visit.) LOL...

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No-Measurement-6713@reddit

I used to leave my father screaming outside his house not giving a shit if the neighbors heard. He had dementia and turned so nasty.

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Pitapenguin@reddit

Yes. My parents live about 5 hours away and I try to go for a long weekend every 5-6 weeks. I've noticed how they are slowing down (dad is 80), but still good at being independent. When I drive away I can't look back and I cry for the first few miles down the road. You never know when it's the last time to see them.

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No-Measurement-6713@reddit

Its comforting to see how tjis is pretty common. I did that alot as well. It took til i got 20 minutes out of town to refocus.

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hali_licius@reddit

Same same. It's hard.

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FrostnJack@reddit

Haven't been able to see my ma IRL in a decade. Every time we end a FaceTime visit, I experience the same letdown—"is that the last time I'll see her alive?" Gettin' additionally-young sucks ass.

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RespondOpposite@reddit

Yes. Every time I leave, my Mom stands at the door waving goodbye until she can’t see me anymore. How much longer do we have left to be doing that.

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No-Measurement-6713@reddit

That brings back memories for me. My mother did that when i was in my 40s. I always drove off crying like a baby.

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Oh-No-RootCanal@reddit

Yup. And looking back (parents have passed) I realize how much over functioning I did to make the best of it. To the point of disassociation. There was a lot of days with not much change, days of stress, days I thought “I’m doing the best I can” and years after all that I feel the melancholy finally setting it. Everyone’s different - I suppose I’m a late grief “bloomer”.

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notabadkid92@reddit

Yes, and I see them at least 1x week. I usually dread going. The way they choose to live (without enough help) is just so sad & uneccessary.

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No-Measurement-6713@reddit

Omg been there done that.

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Eldritch-banana-3102@reddit

Am visiting my mom right now in another state. She has dementia but is in great care. She eats well and seems content. She's 88. I think she'll live another few years. It is very hard to see her so diminished, and I feel awful when I leave. My brother and I offered for her to live with us years ago and she said no, so we see her when we can. I empathize with you.

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Left_Connection_8476@reddit

My mom turns 85 next month and I am struggling with the inevitable. She's in good shape for 85, but that's...for 85. She only lives an hour from me, and we talk a lot and she still drives well. But she's last in my childhood home, my dad died in 09. My three older siblings are all in their own towns and homes, the farthest being a few hours. I'm sad. That's the easiest way to put it.

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Anthropic_me@reddit

Mine are gone. Would love to have them back so that I could vent and just talk. Don't think about what may happen. Instead, focus on the here and now and honor the time you are able to spend with them.

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PahzTakesPhotos@reddit

Mine are gone too. And even though we had a great relationship, I regret things we never got to do because it was always "we have time" or whatever excuse. I would have really, really loved to have them around when my granddaughter was born (she'll be 5 next month). They were good parents, awesome grandparents, and they would have been the best possible great-grands.

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Oktodayithink@reddit

I am currently visiting my former in-laws with my kids. They always drove 14 hr to see us but I know it’s hard so I chose for us to drive to them. He is in not great health and she told me she may have congestive heart failure. I love these folks, and know any time could be the last time I see them. I will be sad to leave them and I will worry. And I know I have to call more often and ask more questions of their health.

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Poneke365@reddit

Nope but it’s probably due to the relationship she and I have. She lives in a retirement village five hours away and I try to visit every couple of months to do jobs that she struggles to do herself nowadays. She’ll be 90 this year.

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Pendergraff-Zoo@reddit

I worry every time will be the last time.

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haz_waste@reddit

1😪😭

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Dogstar_9@reddit

Yes. And it always makes me think how historically aberrant it is that we so often move away from our families. It's one of the more insidious ways that industrialization has ruined normal human interaction and behavior patterns.

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NJBlasian@reddit

I saw my 86 y/o Mother in November and as I pulled away from her house, I sobbed. I've never felt this before but I understand you OP. I think my November visit was the last time I'll be visiting with her. If I get another visit, it'll be a bonus and I'm sure I'll sob again as I drive away. She lives about 1,000 miles away from me.

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hali_licius@reddit

Yep I routinely have a 20-30 minute sob fest when driving away from my parents' place.

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IceExile@reddit

yes, to the point of tears sometimes... Gotta value the time u can spend with them. Hopefully you have many sacred memories to share....

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Unable-Arm-448@reddit

Can you get her set up with FaceTime or the WhatsApp video calling? I live 1000+ miles away from loved ones, too, but video calls really help 🥰

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Old_Use7058@reddit

I think the welshdescribe this best…hiraeth (n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past

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Silly-Power@reddit (OP)

That's a great word! Thanks.

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PipEmmieHarvey@reddit

Yes, my parents live in a retirement village four hours away. They are both in poor health and seem to have fallen into a state of passive helplessness to deal with any issues they face. Mum’s so down about her life and the chronic pain she lives with. Dad’s body is giving up on him and he’s constantly stressed about Mum. I just really struggle with their states of mind and feeling helpless to do anything.

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TakkataMSF@reddit

Sometimes I worry about mom. She'll list her aches and pains or need to take a break (she was always the go-go-go-go type). I try to focus on how our relationship has improved. We had dinner on Thanksgiving and I really enjoyed it. We were making each other laugh a lot. I got to cook with her. She over-salted the Brussels Sprouts so I didn't have to try one! woo! She's happier now than she's ever been. I'm really glad. I wish I could help her more with money, but circumstances are preventing it. That's her biggest worry and I wish I could take that away from her (the worry, not her money). I know it's un-GenXy, but sometimes you have to go with the glass half-full view of life. If I don't, life just kicks me when I'm down. Now it gets to kick me when I'm up! Suck on that life! Try to stay positive. And call dibs on the fancy clock you've always wanted (and your sister wants it too, but screw her, you're bigger. You get the clock because might is right! Get your own wind-up wall clock lil' sis!)

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citrusmechanoid@reddit

My mother lives around the corner and we barely see each other. We used to be so close and I know when she passes I'm going to have so many regrets. She is just so hard to be around these days - and I feel so bad for being so annoyed. She can't talk about anything other than herself and her friends' health problems. I have listened for hours and hours to the same stories over and over. She never asks how I am and what's going on in my life, with my children, and when I try to tell her, she changes the subject back to herself. I have a few friends who are experiencing the same things with their mothers and we assume we will be the same. It's a horrible horrible feeling so although my situation is different, yes I do know what you're talking about. My dad died a decade ago and my grief for him still surprises me at times. I understand all too well that I won't have her forever, but it's just so hard to be around her. It's heartbreaking and I don't know what to do about it.

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TheEvilOfTwoLessers@reddit

No, I usually feel like driving I screwdriver into my eye socket.

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Starkville@reddit

Actually, I did have that feeling, the last time I saw my mother before she died. I remember thinking it. *Take a good look. This is probably the last time you’ll see her.* I’m very glad the last words we spoke to each other were “I love you.”! Make sure your last words are sweet.

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Rich_Group_8997@reddit

I do, from the perspective of how sad it is seeing her basically just existing, and being a fraction of her former self (she has issues with chronic hypoxia which has been causing cognitive deficits). I don't especially miss her when I leave though. Mind you, she lives right down the road and i barely ever see her. But our relationship is rather complicated. 😕 I am sure there are things i will miss about her when she's gone though.

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BryanP1968@reddit

Every time I visit their grave.

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freakdageek@reddit

Yes, everyone throughout history.

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No-Hospital559@reddit

Almost every time I visited over the past decade.

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Thirty_Helens_Agree@reddit

🎶 I see my folks are getting on And I watch their bodies change I know they see the same in me And it makes us both feel strange No matter how you tell yourself It's what we all go through Those lines are pretty hard to take When they're staring back at you Scared you'll run out of time🎶 I just visited my mom in a nursing/rehab place. It sucks.

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Lost_Taste_8181@reddit

Every single time. I don’t visit as often as I should, partly for that reason (and partly because they moved 4.5 hours away). They’re both in their 80’s and it’s only a matter of time

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Silly-Power@reddit (OP)

I live in a different country and it's at least 12 hours and 2 flights for me. Today it's 16 hours and 3 flights, followed by a 5 hour drive to get home. I would love to visit more often but it just isn't practical.

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PlasticPalm@reddit

Absolutely. It sucks.

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aluminumnek@reddit

![gif](giphy|fXnRObM8Q0RkOmR5nf)

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Sconniegrrrl68@reddit

I'm fully with you...I'm 57 & Mom is 84. She's legally blind and lives in a Memory Care home since Dad passed in March of 2023. I was home in Wisconsin for Christmas and spent some time with her, and as I flew back to Montana, I wondered if I would be blessed enough to see her again. I don't feel staunchly middle aged, yet here I am!

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renegade7717@reddit

yes. this is a difficult period of life in those terms - but one foot in front of the other - repeat.

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Life-Improvement-886@reddit

Absolutely, I’m 60, Mom is 85.. Trying to appreciate the time we have

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corkboy@reddit

Mine are dead so the melancholy is now built in.

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