Anon analyzes incels

This isn't even wrong, but it doesn't address the problem. The way I understand it, the biggest issue is that someone who isn't physically attractive doesn't get many chances to reach the stage where you and your partner try to form the meaningful connection you talked about. They'll have significantly fewer potential partners willing to take a chance on them compared to someone who has good looks. Physical appearance is like the bouncer for who is trustworthy enough to be allowed to try the next steps. Same thing where you won't get a relationship if you won't shower, groom yourself, etc, because it shows a lack of responsibility or effort. Looks seriously do matter to get the 'in' to start a relationship. No one is approaching someone for their personality because they literally don't know their personality yet. Often, the only way for the lookscel to realistically get to the connection phase is for them to be introduced via some sort of social framework, like school, the workplace, or a family/friend recommending someone. But since fewer and fewer relationships are being started in these ways, and much, much more of them now start over the internet (specifically dating apps), this crushes the lookscel because physical attractiveness is the first and often only thing people notice on these platforms. Thus they never get to try an emotional connection and the cycle continues. Sorry for the redditor-length essay