How hard has your life been and how good is it now?

Childhood was shit - my parents were mental, barely competent adults, incapable of caring for kids. We were very poor. Social services were in and out of our lives all the time. We were the "weird family" in our community. My siblings got put into care because my parents couldn't cope with the behavioural problems (which they caused).  Things got even worse after they divorced because there was even less money and more chaos, and the pair of them were just incapable of behaving like normal adults, or putting their kids first.  I got a lot of shit at school, because I was at the bottom of the social hierarchy with the other kids, and teachers just saw me as a problem child.  I grew up with poor social skills, zero self confidence, and had a lot of difficulty interacting with people on a normal level. Left school at 16, with no GCSEs I got lucky and ended up with a decent career in the media and tech - but to begin with it was really tough because I was surrounded by normal, educated middle class people, and I was just this mad little chaos goblin from the shit end of a council estate. I didn't fit in, and always felt out of place. But I somehow managed to cling on, and gradually assimilated with the normies over the years. I went feral in my 20s when I was free from my family, moved to London and started earning some money. Lots of heavy drinking, drugs, partying, trying to shag literally any woman who gave me the slightest attention.  Calmed down in my mid thirties, behaving more like the people around me, started making better career progress - my salary puts me in the top 5% of the uk - married a nice girl from a good family, live in the suburbs with our own kids.  People now just assume I'm a privileged, university educated middle class type. I keep a lid on the chaos just to function in normal society, but it's still there. The older I get the more I reflect on how fucked up my childhood was, the consequences of that, all the bad decisions, missed opportunities, stupid mistakes, people I hurt. I honestly feel like once my kids are grown up and I don't have responsibility for them, I kind of want to disappear and spend the rest of my days in solitude. I should probably get therapy, but I don't really fancy paying hundreds of pounds a month just to whine about my childhood.