Are elite private schools worth it if the kid doesn't make any connections?

Posted by Artistic-Pea6588@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 14 comments

When talking about prestigious super expensive private schools that cost £50k+ per year many people say kids get sent there for the connections and 'the network', not just the grades. But what if the kid doesn't develop that network? Would it just be a waste of money? If you sent your kid to Eton and he never made any friends or never became friends with the kids from super wealthy families, is it a waste of money to send him there? Is it only worth it to rub shoulders with the elite?

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14 Comments

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ClimbsNFlysThings@reddit

I've thought alot about this. The value of a private education. I imagine the intangible benefits are significant anyway. If that's things like how to sell yourself, increased social awareness, earlier realisation that the world is discriminatory and unfair, increased confidence and self belief or the necessity of taking advantage of opportunities. I'm not making a moral judgment on the points and I don't think I'd like the impact it would have on the personalities of my kids. Is it worth it? Depends what you value. Could it provide the mindset which objectively might make you more successful? Sure.

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Other_Exercise@reddit

I was privately educated in a school where unfortunately the kids were horrible to each other. A really abusive environment, sadly. To this day, I'm really glad that I no longer have to go there, and I draw comfort from this fact.

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SomeHSomeE@reddit

It's not just the network. Such schools also teach a wide set of socialising behaviours as well as extremely high quality extra curricular enrichment. Even if they don't come away with a sustained 'network' they will often be able to 'fit in' in how they act, talk, what their hobbies are, etc in the circles that care about that sort of stuff. And even having it listed on their CV will help in many circles. I am ideologically opposed to elite and even general private education as I think it's a huge contributor to inequality (and sustains existing social divides). But I am also a huge hypocrit in that if I was extremely rich I would absolutely send my (hypothetical) kids to one because of all of the life advantages it offers.

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Internal-Leadership3@reddit

The sort of kids that go to elite private schools also have parents and grandparents who went to elite private schools, so even if the kid itself is no good at networking, mummy and daddy will sort them out after education. They don't even need to be elite - I went to uni with a few people from middling private schools that you wouldn't have heard about, but they were still playing at life with a few more cards in their hands than I was. One of them even made a small fortune at uni, putting lots of money into an oil firm that one of his father's friends was on the board at, nudge nudge wink wink.

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TheAngryBad@reddit

I would imagine having that on your CV would carry a lot of weight in certain circles.

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SammiWG@reddit

The old school tie, and the regimental tie, definitely open a lot of doors.

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MisterIndecisive@reddit

And do the opposite in a lot of others

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TheAngryBad@reddit

For sure, but your average Eton alumni isn't going to be applying for jobs in Tesco.

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TomLondra@reddit

Those elite schools always claim that they can get your kid into an elite university. Unfortunately that's the world we live in. You won't get anywhere if you don't have the connections - no matter how good you are at the work you do.

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Artistic-Pea6588@reddit (OP)

But they can't guarantee anything. If you go onto many of their websites they post university destinations and whilst many go to top unis, many underperformance and go to low ranked unis despite their parents spending £50k+ on their schooling from year 7 to 13. I've seen a few grammar schools with more students off to Oxford and Cambridge than quite a few of those elite private schools.

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elvieevee@reddit

That is usually the way tbh - I went to a grammar school 35 years ago and it was a pretty even split back then too. My son was privately educated from years 3-13 (heavily subsidised - I’m not that rich!) and these days it’s seemingly more difficult to get into Oxbridge if you’re a “typical” public school type (think white middle class male). He wasn’t chasing that pathway but many of his peers were who probably would’ve been successful in the past but were disappointed; now universities also look at deprivation scores based on data like your postcode and actively target smart kids from state schools (which is clearly a good thing)

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TomLondra@reddit

Personally I would send my kid to a state school.

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Zealousideal-Ad-8050@reddit

My friend's dad did a whole project about it, apparently given the same parents the difference is half a GCSE

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