Who has hopeful stories about elderly parents and incontinence?

[-]

Mountain-Ad542@reddit

I was a carer for two years in the community hopefully if he has good carers that look after him he will be treated and changed looked after with dignity and allowed to live a good life untill his last days pads are very absorbant and you can get ones that are also very similar to boxor short slip ons too. it's an issue people don't really think about until your old hope all is well

Reply

[-]

VixenRoss@reddit

Contact adult social services with a list of demands. You need an OT assessment for equipment. Continence service assessment (you only get two pads a day, but it helps) Care assessment/carers assessment. You father could probably live in his home with carers 4 times a day. In the meantime, you can get continents products from boots or if you have Amazon Prime, you can order them from there. The boots on brand all quite reasonable.

Reply

[-]

Particular_Store8743@reddit (OP)

thank you

Reply

[-]

wonkybrainwitch@reddit

So I can't believe I'm putting this on the internet, but I am a young(ish) woman who was for a period of time incontinent. I lost a nearly full term baby, and there was a lot of physical damage. It was traumatic, as falling will have been for your dad. The most important thing is that the way he is now is not the way he will be forever. Not because things with necessarily medically improve, but because he will adapt. Whether he reduces accidents by going more often, works out what products work for him, or physically improves, it will never be worse than it is now. The other most important thing is how you talk about it. Do not make it weird. No matter how weird you feel, your job is to convey that toileting is just a thing that he'll need help with now. It's no different than needing help with working the TV remote or help walking up stairs. It's part of the human experience, and we all need help sometimes. Treat it as normally as you possibly can. Human bodies and brains are remarkably resilient, you will both adapt if you let yourselves.

Reply

[-]

Particular_Store8743@reddit (OP)

This is amazing -thank you so much for sharing that experience.

Reply

[-]

wonkybrainwitch@reddit

He and you will be okay. It's something we don't talk about, but its more common and more manageable than you think.

Reply

[-]

bill_end@reddit

My dad wears a conveen, which is like a condom that sticks on to his penis and drains into a bag strapped to his leg. Needs changing every day and the bag needs draining several times a day. He also wears a pad (adult nappy) for any bowel movements but for the most part, he gets enough warning to get to the commode which is done using a stand/mobility aid. Nobody likes the situation, but you get used to it, I guess. I've moved back to look after him and get circa 600quid a month in universal credit / carers allowance. Otherwise, no doubt he'd have to go into a care home.

Reply

[-]

Friendly-Avocado8240@reddit

I have a very similar situation to you Op. contact your local community continence service and they’ll meet you to provide advice, adult nappies and help setup a routine to minimise accidents. We also have a carer that comes once a day for 90m to help with showering, and a cleaner once a week. I don’t know whether my dad has just got lazy or given up, or genuinely doesn’t know it’s happening when it happens. But all I can do at this stage is try to put in routine and systems in place to minimise the challenges.

Reply

[-]

erlosrequiem@reddit

Sounds pretty severe so I’m sorry to hear that. When he’s back out of hospital with the physical aids, take him into the GP and enquire about an anticholinergic. Their use is pretty discouraged in older patients as there’s an association with dementia but that tends to be from long term use (years) and bluntly, from your description he sounds pretty late in life - sorry. Your GP, if they agree, will check his other prescriptions on the anticholinergic burden scale and make sure the score is as low as possible. It may not even be a valid solution if the nerve damage has really just fucked him but worth asking. The one I have experience of is oxybutynin, not for the same reason, but the inhibitory effect on urination is pretty profound. Inhibits smooth muscle like the bladder from being so twitchy

Reply

[-]

EchoOfaMoment@reddit

Definitely not all doom and gloom. Of course it is a horribly sensitive subject for people, but with the right care and support it can be managed. Making sure toilet trips are regularly offered to void as much as possible, changing incontinence pads/pants soon after a bowel movement to protect skin, using a barrier cream like Cavilon to also protect the skin, possibly even medication (although I suspect this would be last resort and would depend on the exact nerve damage) to make him slightly constipated and then administration of an enema a couple of times a week to clear him out. Pelvic floor physio, continence services and adult social care should all be able to offer support. Also check out bladder and bowel uk (bbuk.org.uk) as you can get support there. Make sure to apply for a blu badge, get a radar key for disabled toilet access and attendance allowance - request the forms now as that’s when claims are backdated from!

Reply

[-]

Professional_Egg2252@reddit

It’s ridiculous but try searching with a vpn set to a different country. I lost access to some incontinence websites when they brought in the age restrictions

Reply

[-]

baby--goats@reddit

Sorry if this is a dumb question but what's double incontinence how can you have it twice

Reply

[-]

Seal-island-girl@reddit

I used to look after a person that was doubly incontinent. He mainly went first thing in the morning, so if we got to him before he went in the bed so to speak, it was ok. Some people are still regular when they need to go, just they don't themselves recognise it, so it could be easyish to manage at home with the correct care. It depends on how irregular and how often his movements are.

Reply

[-]

captainfishpie@reddit

First of all your dad needs referring to adult social services for a full assessment. You could do this yourself via the local council or your GP. It may be as simple as a referral to the incontinence team to be managed by them. Or he may need a full/short term care package. He may need respite care or full time care in a home. But, your first port of call MUST be an assessment.

Reply

[-]

Seal-island-girl@reddit

There's also a great foam cleanser called senset which really helps clean up with bowel movements. It's really good if unfortunately he's had a movement in pads and it starts to dry on his skin

Reply

[-]

omgu8mynewt@reddit

I had a chat with my dad (he's 60) recently, we're both fine but were just chatting in the pub. I lived in a share house away from school friends and family, and at one point had such bad flu that my houesmate was physically helping me move to the loo, checking on me twice a day. I've looked after extremely poorly/drunk housemates before as well, it's part of human experience and looking after each other. Whereas my dad didn't like the sound of it, has never looked after an adult (his parents died young) and he hates the idea of being unable to care for himself one day. I'm like - he looked after me as a baby, of course I would return the favour if he gets to the point of needing help, there's no shame in it, family do it for each other and it is nothing embarrassing. But I also get why he hates the idea of it. It's so complicated that normal human caring is hidden away and seems disgusting and shameful, I wish it wasn't like that.

Reply

[-]

KaleidoscopeFull9951@reddit

Also wanted to add, I just realised your dad is in hospital. Resources are so tight on the wards, not enough people to respond to patients who need help, etc, that there’s a definite chance that once he leaves hospital he will regain continence. Whilst there are no guarantees, people becoming continent after being discharged is something that happens a lot.

Reply

[-]

Particular_Store8743@reddit (OP)

Ah thanks for that. Sadly we've been told the incontinence is due to irreversible nerve damage.

Reply

[-]

KaleidoscopeFull9951@reddit

Ah I’m sorry to read this. Getting old and losing your independence is incredibly challenging, and very much under the radar of awareness for most fit and able people. I’m having a similar issue with my own parents. I’m ‘in the business’ so to speak, but do you think I can persuade them to follow suggestions and advice? Things will get easier as you come to terms with a new normal, but you will continue to come up against new challenges. It’s just a case of staying calm and not getting too overwhelmed. Good luck and I hope your dad gets a bit better soon.

Reply

[-]

Particular_Store8743@reddit (OP)

Thank you! Same for you and your parents too.

Reply

[-]

Linkyjinx@reddit

I’m just always surprised when it comes to the bowel movements of elders, we are literally still in the Stone Age, the engineer that provides a way for elders to keep clean with dignity would surely make money and improve quality of life for anyone concerned.

Reply

[-]

Magic_Fred@reddit

This is a thing, it's called a flexi-seal. They're not really intended for long-term use, and I have personally never seen one used in 20 years working (mostly) in community settings.

Reply

[-]

Particular_Store8743@reddit (OP)

This 100%. It doesn't seem like something that should be beyond our capability, right?

Reply

[-]

BiscuitCrumbsInBed@reddit

Contact your GP. They might a nurse in the surgery with focus on incontinence or they can refer you to the hospital incontinence services.

Reply

[-]

KaleidoscopeFull9951@reddit

If he has suddenly become incontinent, it may be temporary. If he fell because he had an infection or developed an infection because of the fall, he may recover. If he has the sensation of wanting to open his bowels or bladder, could he have urine bottles or a commode nearby? Ensure clothing is loose. Not too many buttons and zips. If he has become permanently incontinent, there is likely to be a bowel and bladder nursing team who can assess his situation. He maybe eligible to have continence pads provided by the NHS. Ask his GP to prescribe barrier cream to protect his skin, as if he has professional carers they will not apply creams that have not been prescribed.

Reply

[-]

Kalisuperfloof@reddit

I mean I don’t know how incontinent u mean and am not a medical person but I was my mums carer for 5 years b4 she died.. she had a bed in the living room with a commode and basically I just had to step up and help her when/if needed.. it became commonplace for my little boy to be sat watching a video while mum was laying a huge stinky log that I’d dispose of after wiping her bum… she did it for me as a baby so only seemed fair.. tbh now, 15 years later, I’d give most anything to have to take a smelly offering upstairs if if meant she was here…don’t spose that helps in anyway but thought would share my experience..

Reply

[-]

68_namfloW@reddit

Do feel for my dad having to take care of his mum in a similar way. I think just talking about it is better than nothing, so we realise how many of us are in a similar position and, for want of a better word, *normalise* it.

Reply

[-]

Thelichemaster@reddit

I was a carer but unfortunately incontinence was the last straw for me. Lifting my relatives who were dead weights killed my back permanently. Yes there were care staff visits but they'd always wait til they typically. Try and find a half decent local home and visit daily. Just visiting will be more than 90% residents get. But each situation is different you may have a better support circle rather than me on my own for 22 - 23 hours out of 24.

Reply

[-]

Otherwise_Damage_575@reddit

My mum has is unable to get out of bed and wears a nappy. (Brain tumour) she has carers four times a day to clean her at home. A night carer to keep an eye on her. Contact the district nurses and they will point you in the right direction

Reply

[-]

AbjectGovernment1247@reddit

Having a regular routine can help but won't completely prevent accidents from happening. If your dad can get up to use the loo or the commode every few hours, that will help a lot. If he'll accept them, ask him to wear incontinence pants/pads to catch any leaks but ultimately using the loo is the better option, because it will help protect his skin from getting damp. Don't let your dad go down the route of drinking less, so he'll pee less because that will cause other health issues. Invest in a barrier cream like Cavilon to protect his skin. Your dad should be able to get this on prescription, same with the incontinence pants/pads. Ask to speak to a pelvic floor physio. They maybe able to offer some advice too.

Reply

[-]

Active-Answer1858@reddit

I'm a community occupational therapist. Your dad needs to be referred for a home assessment for care and therapy. There isn't enough information to say what outcome would be best for him: please be assured 99% of my colleagues do our absolute best to treat everyone with dignity and give them as much autonomy as possible. We need to take into account current support and current needs, his physical, mental and cognitive status, his goals. What he needs to do that achieve his goals, etc. It might be that with a bit of TLC, therapy and care your dad could live very independently at home. He might require long term continence input, he might need a catheter, he might regain some continence if he has been particularly under the weather - it's not all doom and gloom.

Reply

[-]

ya_basic82@reddit

Definitely ask for a needs assessment and get carers in. My father in law wears an adult nappy and has a pad on the bed. He had a catheter in for a while but was always in and out of hospital with urine infections and several times now he’s had sepsis.

Reply

[-]

Urbanyeti0@reddit

Unfortunately there’s not a lot of positivity, the best you can do is get your dad in a place where he can get the care and support he needs asap

Reply

[-]

Timely_Egg_6827@reddit

Talk to council. Ask for carers to support him at home. He needs adult social srrvices. Stress you can't offer long term support. Depends and wet wipes help a lot. Urinary incontinence is a lot worse once catheters get involved as infections almost impossible to avoid.

Reply

[-]

AutoModerator@reddit

**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!** - When replying to submission/post please **make genuine efforts to answer the question given**. Please no jokes, judgements, etc. - **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on. - This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit! Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Reply

Who has hopeful stories about elderly parents and incontinence?

Reply to Post

35 Comments

Mountain-Ad542@reddit

VixenRoss@reddit

Particular_Store8743@reddit (OP)

wonkybrainwitch@reddit

Particular_Store8743@reddit (OP)

wonkybrainwitch@reddit

bill_end@reddit

Friendly-Avocado8240@reddit

erlosrequiem@reddit

EchoOfaMoment@reddit

Professional_Egg2252@reddit

baby--goats@reddit

Seal-island-girl@reddit

captainfishpie@reddit

Seal-island-girl@reddit

omgu8mynewt@reddit

KaleidoscopeFull9951@reddit

Particular_Store8743@reddit (OP)

KaleidoscopeFull9951@reddit

Particular_Store8743@reddit (OP)

Linkyjinx@reddit

Magic_Fred@reddit

Particular_Store8743@reddit (OP)

BiscuitCrumbsInBed@reddit

KaleidoscopeFull9951@reddit

Kalisuperfloof@reddit

68_namfloW@reddit

Thelichemaster@reddit

Otherwise_Damage_575@reddit

AbjectGovernment1247@reddit

Active-Answer1858@reddit

ya_basic82@reddit

Urbanyeti0@reddit

Timely_Egg_6827@reddit

AutoModerator@reddit