Sudden Death in family - what should I do?

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thecuriousiguana@reddit

Sorry for your loss, OP. Look after yourself and your family. There's a load of boring and annoying admin, but most of it does not to be done now. This is a good, practical checklist https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/what-to-do-when-someone-dies/

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madame_ray_@reddit

I'm so sorry. Take some time off work. If its not exhausting now it will be at some point. Make sure you eat and drink something. When my Dad died I lost 8lbs quickly and I wasn't going without food, I think the situation simply saps your energy. Share admin duties with family members if you can - siblings if you have them. Don't do it all yourself. It'll drain you a lot if you do. You'll need to advise his bank(s), employer (if he was still working), pension provider(s) if he has any, and anyone he pays regular bills to that he has died. A lot of utility providers accept this info online now.

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DrWkk@reddit

Grief is a very individual feeling and it’s not to be rushed. Take all the time you need. Talk about your feelings. Try to have some sense of routine in a few weeks time when things have calmed a little. That will help stabilise. I would also recommend that anything that hides or numbs feelings will just make things harder in the long run. So no getting pissed, the hangxiety will just make things worse. If the feelings are too raw then distraction helps, meditation helps. Also playing Tetris, honestly it’s a thing to help your brain deal with trauma. So sorry OP 🕊️

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Peaceandgloved2024@reddit

Don't be hard on yourself - you have had a terrible shock. I'm so sorry for your loss. 'Bereaved' is the perfect word for it. It comes from the Old English word bereafian, meaning 'to be robbed'. That's how it feels. I lost my mum, and felt robbed of all the laughs we could have had together. I got through the first weeks listening to Mumford and Sons' beautiful song, Beloved. It contains lines that really hit home. "How have I not made a note of every word you ever said?" They seemed to know how it felt for me, and expressed it so well. Do whatever you need to do to get through it. My mum died in 2019 and I still crumble when I see the film Nativity, because it was the last film we watched together, that last Christmas. The good news is that you'll get to the point where it's easier to remember the good times and it hurts less. You'll go through all the stages - anger, denial, etc - and sometimes re-do some of them, and there's no short cut. It takes as long as it takes. I feel for you and can do no more than send love and support. The hurt means you experienced love, and that is to be cherished.

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Underwritingking@reddit

My dad died in March. You just have to take it steady, one day at a time. Gradually things will start to improve - you will still have bad moments, and be overcome by grief, but they will start to come less frequently and be less disabling. My mum's been dead for years, and the feelings never go entirely, but they become much more manageable, and in a weird way can become quite comforting, bizarre though it may seem - it shows the depth of affection and love between you. Just hang on in there and take each moment as it comes

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Embarrassed_Park2212@reddit

Grief is a process you need to go through. My dad passed 20 years ago and although it get's easier over time there are still things that make me cry for him. I wouldn't avoid anything, if you mean something that's likely to upset you, because it helps with what you are going through. Just let it be and do whatever you feel is right for you.

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bighatbenno@reddit

The grief comes in waves...don't fight it. It's something that almost everyone experiences a number of times in their lives. Its a part of life but its never easy. Like most other people, the pain will subside and you will learn to live with it and even laugh and smile again. Your Dad wouldn't want you to be sad for ever.

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AmbieFC@reddit

Grief isn’t linear and I think when you accept that it does get easier. There are days when you’ll feel better and then something will throw you right back. When I lost my dad very suddenly I can remember a few weeks after his death picking up a book I saw for sale and thought he would love and it wasn’t until I got to the checkout that I remembered he was dead. I was in floods of tears in the shop.

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HazelKathleen@reddit

I’m so sorry for your loss. I saved this comment from u/GSnow on grief a few years ago - it brought me comfort at the time, and I hope it does for you too. >I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see. >As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. >In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. >Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. >Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

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Left_Condition2044@reddit

I am so sorry for your loss. When I lost my Mum, I found this incredibly helpful: https://www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies

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ambientfruit@reddit

Yes the ball in the box is very useful for visualising grief and the grieving process. I've relied on it's common sense many times.

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Dutch_Slim@reddit

Open yourself to grief. Deal with the feelings. Lean on the people you can for practical support. I couldn’t do any of that. Three years later I’m still in limbo. Don’t be me x

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AJLH111@reddit

Feel all of your feelings- no feeling is bad. You may feel happy at some points, you may feel angry at some points, all emotions are okay. Just keep processing them. Make sure you eat, drink, and sleep an adequate amount. Don’t rush back to work- even if you feel ok, take a few more days. I’m sorry for your loss xx

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Stunning_Anteater537@reddit

Seconding this. I'm so sorry OP, it's brutal and there isn't a 'right way' of coping with the grief. Whatever you're feeling is right for you. Cry, scream, laugh, sleep, mope...whatever you feel is right. My husband suddenly passed away 3 months ago, so I can absolutely understand what you're going through. You're stronger than you think and you will get through this.

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Warm-Reference-4965@reddit

My advice? There's nothing that can make you feel better. You have to ride out the grief. That's how grief works as well. You have moments when you feel 'ok' and then moments when you are absolutely floored curled up sobbing. That is unfortunately the process that you have to go through. I also think that when it's a sudden death the shock can make things even harder. My own family have a habit of just dropping down dead. Great for them and no suffering but awful shock for those left behind. I'm very sorry for your loss. Hold on to your precious memories.

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aemdiate@reddit

Excellent advice. It is a process, and if you try and avoid the process it will be harder and more prolonged. Feel the feelings and don't be afraid to smile or laugh at his memory.. that is fine too.

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DizzyMine4964@reddit

Yes. "You must live through the time when everything hurts."

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slipperyinit@reddit

For some reason, the words “there’s nothing you can do to make you feel better” bring comfort. It’s the attitude of surrender rather than struggling against it, I think that’s the key to processing. I realise this now actually as you’ve mentioned it, all 4 people dear to me that I’ve lost in my life, died very suddenly and unexpectedly. Never have had the slightest warning. In fact only one of them was ‘old’, my grandfather - but even he showed no signs. None my 13-year-old self could pick up anyway. I think the shock, as you say, is what makes it so difficult. All the things I could’ve said, would’ve said.. and replaying the memory of when you last saw them a trillion times. Over time along comes acceptance, and things get easier. That last memory starts to be replaced with the more fond memories. Eventually, when you start to think about them you smile ever so slightly. What could have been becomes more and more insignificant, because it is.

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PsychologicalNote612@reddit

I'm really sorry for your loss. My dad died in his sleep without prior illness 5 years ago. Firstly, you cannot control how you feel, at least not for now, you just have to let time do its thing. Make sure you listen to people you trust if they suggest that you may be unwell in a few months but for now, there's no need to analyse your feelings. You'll know you are starting to feel better when every day or so, you suddenly remember what's happened and it feels like you've been punched in the stomach. For me, and others, but not everyone, it's a really physical feeling, and you can use it to reflect that previously (like now and in the coming weeks), the kicked feeling was all the time and now it isn't. That feeling of being kicked will also improve, and you'll go long periods of time feeling fine. It might help to accept that nothing will ever be the same again, but that's ok, the future will be fine, just different to the past, and this is always the case. Change is always unsettling so it's normal to need time to get used to it. Also, nothing will be as bad as you expect. The funeral will be manageable, the paperwork will get sorted. Your family will be ok. Take care

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Oliver_Moore@reddit

Be kind to yourself. Don't push yourself to get over it. Take all the support you are offered, and don’t be afraid to ask for it. You are not alone.

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DrWkk@reddit

Grief is a very individual feeling and it’s not to be rushed. Take all the time you need. Talk about your feelings. Try to have some sense of routine in a few weeks time when things have calmed a little. That will help stabilise. I would also recommend that anything that hides or numbs feelings will just make things harder in the long run. So no getting pissed, the hangxiety will just make things worse. If the feelings are too raw then distraction helps, meditation helps. Also playing Tetris, honestly it’s a thing to help your brain deal with trauma. So sorry OP 🕊️

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LAcasper@reddit

My mum died last year and we had a very complicated relationship so it was a lot to process. The best thing I can suggest is to write things down and then throw them away after. It felt symbolic to me like I was sharing something and letting it go. Also cry when you feel like you have to, no matter where you are. People are more understanding than you think.

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amandacheekychops@reddit

My dad died earlier this year and although it was not as sudden as yours, it was only 4 weeks from him literally going about his usual day-to-day business of going to the shops, followed by my brother taking him to an emergency GP appointment which was then followed by walking into A&E unaided, to him passing away, so we had 4 weeks to come to terms with what was happening, but that went so fast. Feel everything. Don't try to stop yourself. I will say that for me it's been harder now we're over 6 months from when he went. The first few months there was so much happening that I think it's only when things start to settle down and life goes into its mundane, albeit changed, routine that I really started to take it in. Preparing for our first everything without him is hard and although I'd only seen him in the run-up to Christmas for the last few years (circumstances) as opposed to spending the day with him, the thought that I'm supposed to enjoy it so thoroughly without him in the world puzzles and devastates me in equal measure. However, it will actually be a good Christmas, it will just be different. My dad would be upset if he thought we were having a miserable one. I talk to my dad. Not all the time. I just have conversations every now and then, one-sided obviously, telling him all my family gossip as if I'm catching up with him, and I feel that helps me. Having thought for the past few years about what losing a parent would be like (they were elderly), I can say it is both worse and easier than I expected. Some things are awful and some things you can just get on with, and which things fall into which category changes. Just remember that grief is part of love. You can't have one without the other and it's supposed to hurt. One day it'll hurt a bit less. Oh but the best bit now is finding out the wild stories about him from your dad's friends... My favourite was that my dad sank an incredibly expensive brand new floating crane that the government had to recover from a river because my dad didn't check the bung. 🤣🤣🤣

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Puzzled-Job9556@reddit

Every time the grief hits (and it's quite a constant early on after the death), when you stop crying or manage a moment of clarity, smile and think of a happy memory of your father.

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Gatecrasher1234@reddit

Just be aware there is no rule book. Everyone is different. I found it better to be busy when my parents died. I went into organisational mode sorted paperwork, the funeral and the wake. Neither of my siblings wanted to get involved. I only had three days off work although one of my sisters struggled for weeks.

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DizzyMine4964@reddit

After my Mum died, there were moments when I felt OK. Then I remembered and was in hell again. I think the brain just can't feel that much pain constantly, and just switches it off briefly. You may get irrationally angry about unimportant things. Don't make any big decisions right now.

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WiccanPixxie@reddit

What should you do? Just be kind to yourself. The first couple of weeks after losing someone close is the hardest and your emotions will be all over the place. I can promise it will get easier but it takes time, and more than you may think. Just be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel your feelings, don’t bottle them up. Let your partner support you with whatever you need as they are probably feeling a bit helpless and won’t know how to properly support you. In a few days or even weeks, you will get angry about it, that is normal and that will pass usually in a few days. Anger is a natural part of the grieving process, especially when it’s sudden. Sending you kind thoughts and internet hugs ♥️

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ArtisticWatch@reddit

Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum suddenly 5 years ago. She had been unwell with a chest infection for a few months that came and went - turns out it was stage 4 lung cancer and it claimed her within 3 weeks. Grief is an ocean, it will come in waves and can catch you out. Don't feel ashamed of crying or feeling numb. Grief never goes away, you just find things to fill the void left behind. Try not to dwell on "I should have said this or that", you dad would have known. Don't turn to alcohol to try and numb the feeling of grief, it will make you feel so so much worse the day after. It can become a vicious cycle. I recommend confiding in family & friends if you're close. Have regular dinners around each others house and talk about your dad, it helps. Excerise also helps!

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lornamabob@reddit

I lost my dad 3 years ago today. The following few weeks were a bit if a blur, a lot of back and forth across the country to help my mum and do funeral organising. Its an especially rubbish time of year to lose a loved one, I found a lot of helpful stuff and signposting on the nhs website for handling grief. But most importantly is to remember everyone grieves differently and there's no right or wrong way to feel your feelings (aside from doing illegal stuff obvs). I remember chatting to my sister about how we were doing she mentioned how her prominent feeling was anger whereas mine was just sadness. This is my favourite analogy that my SIL told me about: https://hospiscare.co.uk/how-we-help/advice-support/talking-about-death-and-dying/why-grief-is-like-a-ball-in-a-box/

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Broken_Woman20@reddit

We got back from holiday a few years back and my FIL had a brain haemorrhage and died aged 51. My husband felt exactly like you. Everything was a total shock and like a dreadful dream. What you are feeling is completely normal. It is horrible and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I would just say, be kind to yourself over the next year or so. You might react or behave in ways that don’t feel like you but that is also a normal part of grief. Seek out grief counselling as it can be really helpful.

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I_am_John_Mac@reddit

Three bits of advice from me: \- Give yourself permission to be a mess for a while. It's allowed and normal. \- Give yourself permission to change your mind a lot about how you feel, what you can cope with etc. \- It might be possible to email your manager and ask for their help with communication in the office, for example "I don't want anyone raising it in meetings, or in public places". If they are emotionally intelligent, they'll manage that for you to make the workplace a little easier.

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paulbrock2@reddit

love this

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Mattehbby@reddit

Do NOT feel you have to go back to work, like you when my mum passed away I now know I went into shock but at the time, I didn’t cry, I genuinely felt nothing. I took a day off to help with funeral preparations and then went back to work as normal, I should have used that time to process everything, I was only 21. Years later it all hit me and I became very depressed and believe it was because I didn’t handle my grief the correct way.

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paulbrock2@reddit

some advice on dealing with grief [https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/comments/d9685e/grief\_comes\_in\_waves\_important\_message\_from\_8/](https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/comments/d9685e/grief_comes_in_waves_important_message_from_8/)

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Consistent_Squash590@reddit

You are absolutely allowed to spend a whole day in your dressing gown, crying your eyes out. Not just now, whenever. Take care and don't feel bad about breaking down.

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IsThatARealCat@reddit

You've just got to feel the feelings. There is no other way. But talk about him, remember him, laugh about the funny things. I found that really helped me. Make sure to eat and drink even if you don't feel like it, just have something to keep you going. And cry. God, I cried and cried til I had nothing left and still cried some more. But you've got to get it out.

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Various-Baker7047@reddit

Obviously the thing to do at such a life altering moment is not to be with and offer comfort to others but to seek help from random people on the internet. What the fuck is wrong with people??? I'm getting ready for the countless downvotes and comments regarding my lack of compassion but seriously, just put the phone down and be with your family.

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olivetree13@reddit

You don’t know anything of this persons circumstances, I don’t think there is anything wrong with op asking for advice. We can all choose to be kind in these situations.

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DaveL16@reddit

Have my upvote for common sense!

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Not-That_Girl@reddit

Im so sorry to read of your father passing. And so shockingly sudden. No wonder you are struggling. Even when s9neones been ill for a long time, or they are old, it still hits hard. Definitely talk to yoru therapist about this, they know how to help you manage your emotions. Your emotions will your back a forth for quiet a while. Just let it out, feel the good and the bad. There will be lots of paperwork to deal with, death certificate, take info with you or whoever goes to c9mplete this. I knew dad's details really well, and while they are necessarily needed, it was nice to know his mothers full name and maiden name, she died long before I was born. And other things like where he was born. Nice to be prepared for it. Use the one and done serve for notifying services of his passing. Look for his will, insurance, work pensions etc. Leave clearing out clothes for much later. Support mum as much as you can, and heal yourself first. X

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JaquieF@reddit

When my mother died suddenly, my sisters and I shared hilarious stories of her. We were laughing when my father walked in with the priest who would be carrying out the arrangements. Neither of them were phased because they both knew how death affects people. I would wake up and there would be tears on my face and then the sudden realisation that she was gone was dreadful. It's all part of grieving and you should allow yourself a lot of time to process your grief.

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Historical-Rise-1156@reddit

Be prepared for people who don’t know what to say and don’t want to upset you, so avoid you, it was so painful yet all they needed to do was say I’m sorry for your loss. Yes it will still make you cry but in a kind way. Talk about your dad, what he liked/didn’t like, where he enjoyed going, the memories you have of him. Worth getting a notebook and writing it down not that you will ever forget but because it captures his spirit but in your words or photos and something to read when you hit the lows. As other have said, be kind to yourself, it is hard not to feel guilty for not being there, for not doing enough but you are not to blame and grieving is hard enough without carrying unwanted guilt It will pass, the sharpness of the grief but not the loss, by sharing your stories of him with your family you keep him memory alive and smiles instead of tears as you remember happier times I have been there twice, and even 33 & 23 years later I still think of my mum & dad, both sudden & unexpected deaths but my memories now are of the good times not the sad ones though occasionally one sneaks through and catches me unaware

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olivetree13@reddit

I’m so sorry for your loss, please be kind with yourself as grief has no timeline. I think given the time of year it would help to avoid social media if you use it, this time of year can be difficult enough for those grieving without all of the festive content. Though a little random, some advice I would give is to not rush into decluttering or getting rid of your dad’s things. I’ve had experience with family where some family members immediately cleared out peoples belongings because it was too difficult for them to deal with. This led to a lot of upset down the line when we realised there were personal keepsakes that we could never get back.

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idontlikemondays321@reddit

Cry whenever you need to cry. It doesn’t matter where you are or who you’re with. It’s natural and healthy. It will all feel like a dream right now but bit by bit you will come to terms with it in your own way. Give zero thought to work (unless you find it helps) it’s their problem to solve. Just say you’ll let them know when you feel ready to come back. Your family always come first. Use the ‘tell us once’ service the government provides to inform the dvla etc

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Tumbl3Flump@reddit

Have a good cry and smoke a fat blunt / share stories with siblings if you have any.

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GarethGazzGravey@reddit

So sorry for your loss, my dad passed away a month ago and it still hurts to know that he’s no longer with us. The only advice or words of encouragement I can give you is to remember the good times you had together, and to keep in touch with other members of your family and lean on them for support. Don’t be fraud or ashamed to cry, if you need to let it out, do so. It’s much better than bottling it up.

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ecomandgo@reddit

The only advise i can offer is to try as hard as you can to avoid falling out with any loved ones in the coming weeks and months. Especially when it comes to money and admin.

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Own-Entrepreneur5052@reddit

Good advice. We all grieve differently and people can sometimes be offended if they think people are not grieving “properly”. Best not to rise to it. Everyone is feeling raw and words spoken in anger or grief cannot be unsaid. Dad would want everyone to be supporting each other.

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Thomasinarina@reddit

Wish my aunt heard this advice. My uncle died a few months ago and suddenly she's acting like half of the family are the devil incarnate. Doesn't really seem appropriate to ask why, so I'm just staying out of the way for now.

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asymmetricears@reddit

You're currently going through a lot. I can't offer much advice about emotional wellbeing, but here is a small bit of practical advice for you and your family. The [Tell Us Once](https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death/organisations-you-need-to-contact-and-tell-us-once) service run by the government. It will hopefully make some of the practical legal steps a bit easier, so you have more time to focus on yourself.

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Own-Entrepreneur5052@reddit

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It will get better but it will take time. Do what is right for you and don’t allow yourself to be cajoled (or shamed) into doing things you don’t want to do. Not everyone wants to view the body for example while for others it’s important. My husband hasn’t visited his dad’s grave since the funeral but a day doesn’t pass when he doesn’t think about him. Having said that, supporting others in the family is important and can give you a focus even if it involves going with them to a viewing you would otherwise have declined. Anyway, god bless you and your dad. In the midst of life we are in death.

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sjw_7@reddit

The thing to keep in mind is that it does get easier. Each day will be slightly better than the last. In time you will look back and be thinking of the good memories of him rather than about him not being there. It is a tough time and sorry for your loss. Don't be afraid to cry and let the grief out as you will feel better for it.

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Ok-Humor-8632@reddit

so sorry for your loss. The best advice i have is in two parts. Firstly don't make any big decisions during the next while. Grief clouds everything and this time is best spent on just getting through it. Secondly, the whole grief thing is not linear, there aren't stages of grief but more circles so one day you might feel angry, the next sad etc and all these feelings are normal. The best way I've seen it described is that the grief doesn't shrink, but you grow bigger to accommodate it, and that feels like the best way to see it, in my experience.

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fernandocrustacean@reddit

Hey I'm really sorry about losing your dad. My dad died 5 years ago (thought no sudden) so I understand where you're at. I would recommend taking some days off work, and seek out specific grief counselling. I was in therapy when my dad died but found that therapy specifically for grief really held. She explained that losing someone you love, through death or even a break up, is like losing a limb. I found that helpful to understand the deep pain I felt. I find that the pain never goes away it just dulls, becomes more manageable. Also if you find yourself suddenly fighting with your mum about toilet paper - its the grief not you or her.

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Drwynyllo@reddit

I'm very sorry to hear of your dad's death. (Fwiw, mine died last year.) All I can really "advise" is to let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. Grief and mourning can take many different forms, so there's definitely not a "right way" to get through it. You may feel like crying, or screaming -‑ go ahead -‑ or you may just feel "numb" and unable to react like you think you "should" -- but there is *no* "should", beyond other people's expectations. You may feel better about things in a few days... or it may take a month... or longer. There's no timetable or schedule, and no tick-list of how you should feel or when you should feel it. *> My partner has been the most incredible support* That's really good -- my partner was utterly invaluable when (and long after) my dad died. My circumstances at the time, and since, meant that I wasn't in a good position to deal with the "practicalities" of it (or anything else) and I honestly don't know what would have happened without her.

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BagIll2355@reddit

There are no rules for grief. When it hits you, just embrace it, let the feelings out and when it’s taking a back seat let it and get on with things you need to. Sorry for your loss, being in the my parent is dead group is a club I prefer no one joins but everyone will join it at some point in their life

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ElfBlossom17@reddit

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I've been there. It's tough. My advice is this. Be gentle with yourself and be gentle with your loved ones. Grieve however you need to & try & let others do the same. Some will seem broken & others will keep busy and others will fall back on bad habits. All of those places are okay to visit byt, try not to stay there. Be aware that people can go a bit doolally with grief, forgive them or if it's detrimental to you or others, put boundaries in place. Practically, this website is helpful https://www.thefarewellguide.co.uk/whattodowhensomeonedie?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23016187609&gclid=Cj0KCQiA_8TJBhDNARIsAPX5qxSLlM23X3ogLdb7XiGH3Xib1YzdYFfpEnzea3_wC5oN0hRT8PSOHfcaAhGNEALw_wcB

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ceb1995@reddit

I m sorry that you ve lost your dad. Ups and downs in grief are completely normal so suddenly bursting into tears but then feeling ok for a bit is completely expected especially it being so sudden. Talking about it when you feel you can, do not shove anything down for long periods and do what you feel able to to look after your physical health i.e whatever food and drink that you can get in you avoiding any addictive substances including alcohol is the best advice I can give having lost my own dad very young and not knowing what to do and been to many funerals since then. People probably are going to act a bit awkward when you mention it as they generally don't know what to say because this isn't something anyone can "fix" but accept any offers of company or practical support when you feel it ll be helpful.

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