Parents Sending Money

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SadApartment3023@reddit

I think your dad might be trying to start a conversation with you.

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SadApartment3023@reddit

My parents died and left me all of their money. Does that count?

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b1rdwatch3r@reddit

My dad gives us $1500 if we come visit him. It's fucking weird, but I stopped fighting it.

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bitsy88@reddit

Lol bribing the kids to visit is genius

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Flaxscript42@reddit

I am not familiar with this experience

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R0botDreamz@reddit

More like I'm giving him $600 a month to help pay off his consolidated debt because he has always been terrible with money and finances. If I don't pay him the house goes into foreclosure.

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My mother in law gives us money to help out with things sometimes. Her theory is that you can’t take any of it with you when you die so she’d rather it be helpful when we need it because we’ll get it when she dies anyway.

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yodellingllama_@reddit

Mine too. I'm lucky enough that my wife and I don't really really need it, though. So it's mostly been going into my kids' savings accounts (to pay for college in a few years, and, if there's anything left over, to help out with post-college, which I remember being pretty lean times). I think she also has some sort of "mandatory distribution" explanation re one of her retirement accounts, which I'm not sure makes sense, but at least provides a veneer of necessity that makes her feel better about not suggesting we're broke.

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MrsSpookyMulder47@reddit

Yes ours mostly helps with my daughter’s school tuition now and like if we have some kind of unexpected emergency. She’d rather help than have us go into debt. It’s really lovely of her and has just given us peace of mind!

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llamadramas@reddit

Our inlaws sent us money out of the blue though we don't need it. Turns out they were helping another of the siblings that does need it and wanted us to be "even". Sometimes there are other motives beyond "I am dying" or "you need it". Just talk to them openly.

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SweetCosmicPope@reddit

My mom just went to jail for robbing somebody and my dad has been dead for nearly two decades. This is not likely. Lol

Luckily my wife and I are successful upstanding citizens.

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ttredraider2000@reddit

In case you never heard it from a parent: mom of 4 here, and I'm proud of you!

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DachshundNursery@reddit

I do get a small monthly amount. They've had the same auto-payment set up since college. A couple hundred bucks a month. My parents' reasoning is that they have no intention of leaving us an inheritance, so we're getting it now.

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pizzabirthrite@reddit

its time to discuss medical stuff... it is your family history to learn.

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Twanlx2000@reddit

Just this week, my wife tried to ask my mother-in-law twice about her history with menopause so that her doctor could have better context for what he was seeing in lab work. Not only does my MIL refuse to answer, she has outright deflected to another subject without even acknowledging the question being asked. I understand not wanting to recognize one’s mortality, but dude, we’re talking something that occurred 20 years ago?

A couple years back, I found out that my own mother had a pacemaker put in after a heart scare and that my dad was treated for skin cancer… both weeks after the fact.

What’s the matter with y’all?

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DachshundNursery@reddit

I once asked and was told, "That's none of your business" but when I have a medical problem, "Oh yeah, I had that and so did your grandmother!" JFC mom. Could have told me about the debilitating fibroids sooner.

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tuwts@reddit

I wish!

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7empestSpiralout@reddit

lol. Ummm. No.

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seminarysmooth@reddit

It’s possible your parents have mandatory draw downs in some kind of retirement investment vehicle. Materially they have what they need so giving away the cash is no big deal.

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Pretend-Tea86@reddit

My grandparents did this as part of their estate planning. They weren't rich people, but they saved well and realized in their mid-70's that they had more than they reasonably needed and enough to trigger some issues on their passing, so they started gifting randomly. Every now and then, maybe a few times a year, I'd check the mail and there'd be a $500 or $1k check sitting in there. It was incredible as a broke ass law student when those checks came in and basically covered rent that month.

My dad died before his parents, so I got money from him but very differently. My mom has never been able to save a penny, so she's got nothing to gift and frankly I want nothing from her.

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Ineedavodka2019@reddit

For Christmas and birthdays before they passed.

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Turbulent_Ad9508@reddit

My parents send me money all the time. They don't know it's me. I email them and pretend to a Nigerian prince or someone from the IRS saying I'm going to arrest them. I even use really poor grammar and they keep falling for it.

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Appropriate_Day_1276@reddit

I'm sure they can be 3D printed now.

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Careless_Lion_3817@reddit

lol

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Intelligent-Camera90@reddit

My mother has no extra money - I pay her phone bill and my niece lives with her and helps with other bills.

My husband’s parents do offer money. They’re getting close to retirement age and truly don’t have much extra cash (but do have land and paid off housing). We did accept a gift of a down payment for our house from them 10 years ago, but it felt like there were so many strings and obligations attached that we really have no need for anything else from them, except in a dire emergency.

My side of the family talks openly about health issues - both my dad and sister passed young and unexpectedly, so my mom, other sister and I have all been pretty vigilant about checking out any potential stroke/cardiac/blood clot symptoms, no matter how unlikely. Too much trauma.

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burnafter3ading@reddit (OP)

not my experience, but thoughtful in yours

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ShirazGypsy@reddit

Nope, it’s the other way around. Mom was always so worried about her bills that when I got a job with a good salary, I started sending her $300 a month to help. That little bit extra is enough for her to feel more comfortable

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lordskulldragon@reddit

My step father gives me a few hundred for my bday and xmas. A couple years ago he gave me a few thousand for car repairs.

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sailphish@reddit

If he’s hiding a medical issue, that’s a problem. But generally speaking, money often benefits people more in middle age than when they are near/at retirement. So if you are comfortable in your retirement, and don’t need the extra, there can be a lot of value in gifting it to your kids sooner than later.

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aenflex@reddit

We send my mom money because she’s destitute. I’ve never had a parent help me out financially. Like, ever.

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nneighbour@reddit

My mom gives me large sums of money for Christmas and my birthday. I don’t need it, but she gave up trying to find gifts for me a long time ago.

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bountiful_garden@reddit

My dad pays me to do things like paint his Airbnb, but does not just randomly send me money. Never has. Never will. Am I the only one who didn't have everything handed to me by my parents? WTF?!

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cmiller0513@reddit

The only money gifted is used exclusively for my daughter's college fund, so not really for me.

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no_clever_name_yet@reddit

My dad paid my mortgage while I was on maternity leave (both times! So six months worth!). He bought my washer and dryer. He bought my fridge. He sent my kids to camp every year to the tune of $1.5k for 3 years.

He’s retired now. That’s all over. He wants to help but he’s on a fixed income.

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Careless_Lion_3817@reddit

My parents send Money for Christmas and bdays. Did you ask him directly about what’s behind the massive drop of mula?

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burnafter3ading@reddit (OP)

he mentioned Christmas, and my brother just had major dental work. But it still seems excessive and unusual.

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Golden_Enby@reddit

If gift cards during Xmas or bdays don't count, then no. My mother has money set aside for her 3 kids after she passes. She won't disclose the amounts, which is fine. My sister and I are gonna inherit her house, too, so I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth. My mother has a long history of being a total ass with money, though. When I was in my late teens and into my twenties, I only asked for money when I needed to fill my gas tank. Back then, $10 would get me through 2 weeks if I didn't drive much. And I only asked if money was extremely tight; like if I only had $5 to my name due to crappy work hours. Mom's "gifts" always came with an asterisk, so I hated asking. It was like pulling teeth. It's one of the reasons I learned to be stubbornly independent at a young age. It's something I've had to unlearn.

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qtjedigrl@reddit

I'm a single teacher. I had to accept that my parents needed to help me years ago.

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Taanistat@reddit

This works the opposite way for me. I subsidize thier life. I pay for the family cell plan, cable/internet and give them $500/month in cash. Dad is on social security and mom takes seizures several times/day and is on SSID until this coming year when she switches to regular social security. They had barely and retirement savings. I make sure they keep a couple K in the bank for emergencies, but they basically have nothing.

I bought thier house so they wouldn't lose it to a tax sale.

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DrewBaron80@reddit

My parents giving me large sums of money is not something that has ever or will ever happen.

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Rabbitrules87@reddit

Stealing large sums of money was more like it with my mother.

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danilase9@reddit

Are we related?

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PlantedinCA@reddit

Same more like they ask me for large sums of money and send me home with leftovers and weird junk mail.

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Equal_Question_4594@reddit

My dad has been helping me financially lately because my disability insurance claim was unfairly ended early and I haven’t been able to find a job, and over several months of that, I burned through what savings I had. In your situation, though, I’d worry that’s a bad sign about your dad’s health. I’d try to gently ask him about it. My dad doesn’t like to talk about difficult topics either, but I’ve had luck talking with him about some stuff when we’ve gone on a walk in peaceful nature setting.

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nikkibic@reddit

Check in and see how your dad is. Now might be the time to start talking about medical stuff

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Sufficient_Turn_9209@reddit

Oof I'm sorry OP. That's nerve racking. Do you think if you cornered him and asked point blank if something is going on he would open up? I remember when my dad started losing weight and both he and mom mom just went about their lives like nothing was going on. When he started getting weak I finally talked them in to going to see the doctor. I'll never forget my mom sending a group text to my siblings and me. "Dad's fine, it's not cancer! It's pulmonary fibrosis, and he's had it for some time apparently. We're so thankful it's not cancer." 😵😭 Then they both acted like we were over reacting for being upset or sad. At first I thought they didn't understand what they were being told, but then I brought them to the pulmonologist follow up myself and was forced to acknowledge that they were just acting like nothing was wrong... like they do. My parents are older than most people my age, and that is so typical of their generation and socioeconomic status.

And no, to answer your question they haven't just randomly sent us money. When my mom laments about using up all our inheritance by living too long we all remind her that living on it is what they spent their lives working for!

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usernames_suck_ok@reddit

I mean, I'm partially caretaker now. So, we basically mix money.

One of my sisters makes a lot of money, so she doesn't need the help.

The other would have my parents paying her way through life if they allowed it--which they used to, until she moved another guy in after her divorce (yes, they regularly gave her money, paid her rent, etc, while she was married). Ironically, she's the oldest, i.e. almost 55. She gets money every now and then from them, but they're tired of helping her financially support men who won't work.

We keep talking about doing wills, but we just dread it.

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Ethel_Marie@reddit

Get your wills, seriously. Probate without a will is a nightmare.

Also, advanced directive with clear instructions about DNR and DNI as well as organ donation. My dad refused to discuss this, even though he was terminal and had months left. My mom had the absolute worst time making decisions because she felt she was giving up too soon; she wasn't and I had to push her to make those difficult decisions.

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maintainingserenity@reddit

So so so important.

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MommaOfManyCats@reddit

This times 100! And make sure they did it. My dad swore he had a will, told me the lawyer who did it, said he added me to the house info and his bank account, and even showed me the drawer where everything was after my mom passed. Turns out he actually did none of it. My siblings had zero interest in any of it, didn't even want any family stuff. The bank foreclosed on his house and the new owner turned his cars over to a junkyard. I spent most of his small life insurance on house bills until it became clear I couldn't keep it without my siblings signing stuff they never did.

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maintainingserenity@reddit

I wish. We have more education, better jobs and work so much harder than my parents (they would say the same, it’s not a knock on them) and have so much less. We both started working at 15 and haven’t stopped. Straight through college, grad school, and second jobs while working in our fields. My parents had a huge house, pool, etc on less than a third of what we make. And now they have pensions + investments + social security. They would never hand me money though, I’d be shocked.

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ersatzcanuck@reddit

they have both passed but even when alive no, this would have never happened. once i moved out i was on my own..

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honkifyoulikebirds@reddit

nah. dad isn't with us anymore and mum only has a small pension. my aunt on the other hand has been childless and supported me when i was in college. thanks to her i did not need a student loan. bless her.

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SlackerDS5@reddit

After my mother was diagnosed with cancer right at the same time my godfather was, we had the talk. My mom is a survivor, my godfather didn’t make it.

Have the damn talk, postponing it won’t postpone death or declining health. Better to deal with it now than trying to deal with it at the end. It’s never pretty.

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Jerkrollatex@reddit

My parents sent me some money during the government shutdown because my husband wasn't being paid at the time. I didn't ask. I didn't really need it.

The last time they did anything like that was they gave us a car that my youngest brother had already rejected around ten years ago, I was in desperate need. They bought him a new car. Before that nothing. My siblings have gotten college tuition, cars, cash, etc over the years.

I started buying my own food and clothes in Junior High. They charged me $5 if I gave them money for a check because I didn't have a checking account. I needed checks to pay off my class ring. They bought my sister two class rings.

I think the only reason they recently started doing things for me is my brothers both cut them off and my sister is LC.

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garden__gate@reddit

My mom still pays for my flights when I visit her. 🥺 I’ve tried to stop her, it doesn’t work.

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jp112078@reddit

Full disclosure: I haven’t gotten a dime from my parents in over 20 years. But I know people that do get a “yearly deposit” up to the gift tax limit. I promise you that no one is going to admit it here and get ripped apart in the comments. But it definitely happens

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veiled-nomore99@reddit

Absolutely not. If anything, the one parent that is in our lives would ask for money.

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OffMeta13@reddit

Sometimes parents gift money away for tax purposes so that they can’t claim it if they need to move into assisted living or something like that. Honesty is always best, try talking to him. I get that it’s hard but these conversations need to happen. Good luck!

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jtho78@reddit

He might be gifting it to you early to avoid taxes on retirement accounts.

You should talk to him either way, especially if it might be what you are thinking. My dad was given six months to live, it was challenging but we made the most of it. We were also able to get all his accounts in order so I can manage them for my mom.

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Expensive-Day-3551@reddit

Losing weight without trying can be a sign of a medical condition, including cancer.

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DasKittySmoosh@reddit

My parents send $50 gift cards for birthday/wedding anniversary/christmas

I usually use it at the grocery store

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Felinius@reddit

Aside from birthday and Christmas, never. I often was the one sending money out.

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ConcreteKeys@reddit

My mom gifted money to my 2 sibblings and I think it was because she is scared of economic collapse and she was trying to secure a future place with them. She tried gifting me money but I didnt take it.

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DonutNo705@reddit

My brother and I got our first real financial "gift" this year and it came on the heels of my mother's Parkinson's diagnosis. But she's not dying, and it was more or less framed as estate planning/tax-free gifting vs estate taxes upon death.

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Equal_Question_4594@reddit

My dad has been helping me financially lately because my disability insurance claim was unfairly ended early and I haven’t been able to find a job, and over several months of that, I burned through what savings I had. In your situation, though, I’d worry that’s a bad sign about your dad’s health. I’d try to gently ask him about it. My dad doesn’t like to talk about difficult topics either, but I’ve had luck talking with him about some stuff when we’ve gone on a walk in peaceful nature setting.

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NotRadTrad05@reddit

In college my parents would give me a 20 on my birthday for a burger and some beer. After grad school I haven't gotten anything.

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Dimplefrom-YA@reddit

yes. My parents are at that age where they are just sorting out their money.

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Still_Top_7923@reddit

My parents would probably help me if I asked but I don’t ask anyone for help, ever. I’d rather not be beholden to anyone for any reason ever. I’d rather be homeless without a cent to my name

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trainwreckhappening@reddit

I do every o can to avoid asking for money, it has been years, and I (almost) always paid it back. I live life expecting zero inheritance and I am open with them about that, because I want them to enjoy their lives.

I have a sister that is getting at least a third of her income from my parents each month.

Circle of life and all.

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Soggy_Porpoise@reddit

Naw, my mom is poor and my dad decided to sell his house and give the money to some dude over seas pretending to be a girl. I ain't getting shit.

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No-Relation4226@reddit

Lol there’s no money to be sent to me! But my mom tells me everything going on with her health.

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impercipient@reddit

does he have a will?

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burnafter3ading@reddit (OP)

Yeah. I'm the primary beneficiary, being the eldest kid. It's just bugging me they dont talk about medical stuff.

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yourlittlebirdie@reddit

On the other hand, my mom talks about little else except her various medical problems and what’s bothering her today so the grass isn’t always greener.