Living in Mexico for 4 years not sure when to call it quits
Posted by swimwiththeflow@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 140 comments
I am an introvert, single. I moved from the US during the height of lockdowns. I knew no one in Mexico. All of my family is based in the US. Since the move, I’ve learned Spanish, worked, attempted to make friends and purchased a small condo. Many of the friends I made have come and gone and I deal with a lot of isolation. I have a mortgage here in Mexico. My mortgage is higher (double) than standard rent prices. I have 8 years left on my mortgage.
Since I’ve been here, I’ve dumped a ton of money into an apartment, mostly navigating isolation and depression (my own mental health issues, nothing to do about Mexico). Initially it was fun, I travelled a lot and saw the country through rose colored glasses. I was busy trying to meet others, putting myself out there, etc. my own introversion, then being scammed in expat communities and friends coming and going, it’s been hard.
Honestly, I don’t want to go back to the US. I am estranged from my family and all my friend in the US are financially struggling themselves.
I’m not sure how hard immigrating should be. I’ve not made local connections that I would consider friends.
I do volunteer work here, I am gradually learning the language, not quite conversational and it’s very hard. Is immigrating just hard? How long do you give a place a try before it’s time to move on?
Politically the US is terrifying and that’s part of the reason I left in ‘21 and now it’s even worse. I also feel like I’m in a worse financial situation with the condo. Feeling stuck
CryptographerWest868@reddit
I have soooooo much empathy for your situation. That sense of "being stuck" in a foreign country is REAL! I am new to Reddit, so not sure what to offer that might assist, except I have been there done that etc One tiny tip: find something you love and do it every day!
thatoneyouwant@reddit
I’m hoping to move to Mexico soon but you don’t give me hope as a introvert.
Sufficient-Job7098@reddit
You move when you find a location where you can go to legally and where you will find better life compared to where you came from.
My life in US has been an improvement (personally, socially, financially, weather vise) compared to my life in my country of origin. Sure life of an immigrant in US was hard, but my life as a citizen in my country would have been harder.
I do know of Americans who moved to Mexico and for them such move led to better life compared to their lives in US.
Tao-of-Mars@reddit
I have been on a mission to move to Mexico or somewhere in Latin America to primarily have more financial freedom and finally be able to buy a home. They feel as though the housing crisis will get worse with the deportation of construction laborers. Overall at this point, it’s being fueled more so by the political situation. I worry about my safety and everyone else’s safety here. I feel very conflicted about leaving after spending a month in Peru and realizing that my lack of Spanish is isolating.
Spirited_Republic143@reddit
I bought a house in MX and honestly, if I can sell it, I never want to own a house again. Constant work needed, ties you down to one location. I'd rather just have very minimal possessions and rent a small apartment or studio. But I'm 66 and have already raised my family, so maybe different place in life. I also really miss the USA. So many things I didn't appreciate. I've loved my time in MX but just not sure I want to be here much longer (has been over 7 years now) Definitely not in this house (which I love) or in this tiny town (which I am also fond of) Just not the place for me.
Tao-of-Mars@reddit
Thanks for the response. I’ve always rented and this is the one thing I know I wouldn’t like about owning a house. Being able to pay rent for an entire place on my own plus save for retirement isn’t exactly easy as a single individual. My life is pretty flexible but I am pretty conservative with my money. I moved out of my apartment a year ago because the cost of housing has gone up so much in my city - which I never thought I’d see. It’s bad everywhere in the US now. I would rather buy than have to bounce around and have my living costs fluctuate but I also don’t like the aspects you’re talking about. Owning a home is more expensive than anyone talks about. Especially when time is a valuable resource to a person. I’ve thought about a condo but that means things like having a dog would not be ideal. It’s a tough decision.
Fem-Picasso@reddit
I recommend panama. See on youtube the tour groups like Panama Relocation Tours. There you will be able to tour expat communities, meet expats and see for yourself how life in panama is. You will have instant community & instant friends. It's quite first world and very affordable, and quite safe in most areas.
phibber@reddit
If your Spanish isn’t great, find some opportunities to meet expats - there are often social meet ups that you can find on Facebook. The one downside is that expat friendships are often temporary as people come and go - you need to continue to make new friends.
Find an interest that gives you an opportunity to socialize with other people. Your volunteering sounds like a great idea - what other interests do you have? When I lived in Panama, I took up kitesurfing, which gave me a bunch of new friends based around the local kitesurfing school. Now I live in the US, and I’ve joined a supporters group for a local football team that gives me a Discord full of people to talk to, and the opportunity for lots of IRL events.
Language proficiency is really important if you are going to integrate with the locals. If learning has been slow-going, consider some immersion classes to get you to the next level. I’ve also found that ChatGPT is a surprisingly good language tutor if you give it the right prompts.
What you are feeling is natural - it isn’t easy to establish a life in a new culture, especially with a new language. The danger is inertia - I knew people in Panama who hated it there, and when I asked them what they did, the answer was that they sat in their apartments all day. They were too afraid to drive, didn’t feel confident to visit areas they didn’t know and felt they were ‘stuck’. The truth was that they didn’t hate the country, they hated the four walls of their apartments.
My tip to them was to ask everyone they met for their “top 10 places to go and things to do” locally, write them into a list and be really deliberate about crossing them off every weekend. I would ask EVERYONE that question - people I met in the lift, colleagues at work, barmen and taxi drivers. Having the long list of stuff to experience gave me the feeling that I had so much to discover and enjoy in my new environment.
Aggravating_Mix8959@reddit
I like this 10 things idea. I'm going to use it here in my home town even.
phibber@reddit
Yep - the expat group in Panama is very welcoming, though you have to be prepared that many good friends will leave at some point.
SmokeAndGnomes@reddit
I've been here for 2 months so far. Which groups do you recommend? I know of a few but always trying to find more that I'm missing out on.
phibber@reddit
Where in Panama are you?
SmokeAndGnomes@reddit
Panama City. San Francisco, specifically
phibber@reddit
Aha! I used to live on the Parque Omar! I haven’t lived in Panama for a decade, but most of our contacts came from four places: 1) Our kids went to an international school, and we met lots of parents of their friends. 2) Punta Chame. I learned to kitesurf during the winter and we spent lots of time at the Casa Amarilla and at the Machete Kite School. 3) Hanging out by the pool and social areas at our apartment block and chatting to people from the building. The same was true in places like Las Perlas and San Blas - we made friends on the beaches of the islands. 4) Work. I worked at a company that was most made up of expats from Mexico, Venezuela, Brazil etc - they didn’t have family locally, so were always keen to socialize.
askialee@reddit
Machete and kite😬.
SmokeAndGnomes@reddit
I appreciate the insight! We have made a few friends from the pool and from Parque Omar so it is going well so far.
SmokeAndGnomes@reddit
I've been in Panama for 2 months now! It's been great so far but we didn't come via the relocation tours so we aren't exposed to many of the groups. Could you recommend which groups we could get into?
Tao-of-Mars@reddit
Thank you for this. I’ll check it out!
Only-Ad72@reddit
You could, you know, learn Spanish.
Aggravating_Mix8959@reddit
Not everyone has the knack for other languages. It's always worth trying, but still.
Tao-of-Mars@reddit
I’m certainly doing that but I realize also it’ll take a while to become conversational.
resident_alien-@reddit
If someone in a similar position to you, I would just say a couple things. Your mortgage is double the rent but you’re gonna own your apartment in eight years and then you’ll just have the taxes in the maintenance that can’t be true if you’re renting in Mexico or anywhere else for that matter
It’s also incredibly hard to make local friends if you don’t have conversational in Spanish. I struggle with this daily and you know learning the language is harder than we think but if you keep going, I think you’ll find more success.
And finally, it’s important to remember why you moved and I know you knew it was going to be hard, but it is harder than you’d ever thought it would be. But would things be any better really if you moved back to the states? Whenever things get really bad, that’s what I always ask myself and the answer is no sadly. I carry my problems with me wherever I go.
reddit_tat@reddit
All of the above. For the condo, it sounds like you have not even owned it for two years yet. And that you would take a loss if you sold. You need to figure out what that’s about. Transaction costs? Keep it and get a roommate. Prices in your area have gone down? Probably stick it out longer to see how things change. Get a roommate. You massively overpaid and got duped? It might be hard to get out from under that. In that case, maybe cut your losses and sell.
swimwiththeflow@reddit (OP)
I massively overpaid..
Specialist_Proof1705@reddit
One of the ways to emigrate is to find a family or friend that would be willing to sponsor you, in that they would vouch that you have a means of support and that you're not an arch criminal waiting for the opportunity to strike. They'd only have to be willing to go to the Mexican office of immigration, then fill out a few forms. After that you would have residency papers. Myself, I was in a Mexican prison for arms trafficking. I was released after serving 1 yr 5 months on a 4 year sentence.
whaddyagot@reddit
Thank you for sharing. With your move more than just a move and owning property and you not wanting to go back you would be better off having official residency.
Academic-Balance6999@reddit
For many people, 5 years is about the point where the novelty is completely gone and it starts to be real life— often with unanticipated cultural barriers and challenges making friends. And depending on where you come from and where you went, you may also just be sick of dealing with foreign bureaucracy. It’s why a lot of people leave after 5 years.
BubblyPrinciple483@reddit
Agreed. I'm going into my tenth year in Mexico and started having these feelings years ago.
InvisibleInkling@reddit
Interesting I didn’t know this was a trend. Left Australia after 5 years exactly.
NoSurprise7196@reddit
Because of bureaucracy?
InvisibleInkling@reddit
Because I was tired of living there.
dontletthemthrow@reddit
Looks like you went from US to CH then back to US? How long did you stay in CH? I did a similar move but just curious about yours. Given the political climate now I'm second guessing myself being in the US and miss the the stability of Ch.
Academic-Balance6999@reddit
We were in CH for 6 years.
NotReallyASnake@reddit
Exactly how I feel right now after 5 years and I hate it
Accomplished_Win7221@reddit
I'm in a similar situation living here in the Yucatan. (Not sure whereabouts in Mexico you are? I'd be happy to connect, even online if you need someone to talk to. I'm 35F, originally from the UK and here for four years.
My situation is a little bit different - worked as a journalist, had a lot of work in Mexico, met a local (now my bf) and stuck around, got residency and bought a house in cash. Thanks to a lot of changes with AI, etc, etc I have barely any work so I have way too much free time, have not been able to find a remote job in the UK and I'm at a crossroads where I wonder if I'd be better off just going back to the UK, renting out my house and getting an office job.
Owning my own house and minimum expenses means I don't have huge financial pressure in the immdiate term but I can't see myself living like this much longer. My partner can't easily come with me to the UK and I feel overwhelmed with the decision of what to do with my relationship too.
Expat events can be so draining. As a fellow introvert I don't feel super comfortable being in that environment to begin with but I've dragged myself to lots of language exchanges, bar meets, brunches, women's clubs, and seen the repeating cycle of befriending people only for them to leave months later.
I do have 2-3 Mexican friends but I'd say they weren't super close as we see each other every few months. I've gone to huge efforts to learn Spanish - taking intensive courses, but it is so tough learning as an adult!
swimwiththeflow@reddit (OP)
Yes, DM’d you thanks!
dogmom34@reddit
How did you get scammed by expats? My husband and I are Americans who moved to Mexico in the beginning of 2024 and due to a lot of drama, we try to avoid most expat groups. I have witnessed some expats get scammed myself.
Accomplished_Win7221@reddit
I've met so many strange "characters" in expat communities here - realtors that play on being from the US/Canada who are really scammy, people who you try and befriend but they want to sell you life coaching, a cooking class, for you to pay to have the privelege of attending their events when there are plenty of free ones. It's rough sometimes 😂
dogmom34@reddit
Ugh the life/business coaches are the worst.
Spirited_Republic143@reddit
My realtor was an expat--from USA. And she scammed several people in town who bought using her.
dogmom34@reddit
Omg that’s horrible. Not surprised, though… I’ve noticed expats are too trusting with other expats that speak their same language.
Careful_Ad5394@reddit
Saying the political system in America is terrifying is just so ridiculous. Terrifying would be under Stalin or Mao or North Korea. But to describe it about America is just beyond normal. Grow some balls.
Spirited_Republic143@reddit
I'd hard not to laugh at the inane comments. These people slept through history class apparently.
Advanced_CPU@reddit
Goes to show how powerful fear mongering can be
Spirited_Republic143@reddit
And the media. Manipulating public opinion is their sole purpose. Not bringing you the 'news'
Spirited_Republic143@reddit
Thank you for a rational comment. I try not to laugh when I hear these inane statements. These people slept through history class, apparently.
Practical_Support177@reddit
No hablas espanol y vives en mexico... claro que nadie quiere ser tu amigo lol
Spirited_Republic143@reddit
And yet, if an American living in the USA said to a Mexican immigrant who was struggling with learning English after 4 years "You live in the US and you don't speak English? Yeah, nobody wants to be your friend"--that person would be viewed as a bigoted jerk. But it's ok if someone else says it?
Absaroka2033@reddit
Sorry - how did you get "scammed in expat communities"?
Spirited_Republic143@reddit
Well, here's just one example--and it really had nothing to do with the expat community (but lots of times, expats get charged higher rates than locals. If you look like a gringo, some shop owners will jack up the price--I know people who will ask a kid on the street to go in the hardware store for example, and ask him to buy a hammer or whatever) But MY experience, was that my lawyer who was getting me the deed to my (paid for) house still hadn't produced the deed after a year! (note to all: NEVER transfer any money UNTIL you have a legitimate deed to property on the table in front of you--DUH) So I hired another 'lawyer' who had helped a friend get his deed. Well, long story short--the 'lawyer' is a scam artist. Not even an actual lawyer! I'm having to go to court to get my (significant amount of) money back. It's been 4 years now. That's just a typical thing that is not uncommon (happened to several other home buyers I know of)
Prahasaurus@reddit
This is a general theme with many expats: they leave their country because they are unfulfilled, unhappy, lonely, lost. They assume they will find the thing they are missing somewhere else. They believe the issue is external, something a new country, a new culture, completely new friends, can fix.
But in reality, the issue was primarily inside themselves all along.
Theal12@reddit
nah. When your government is toxic, the problem is not ‘within’.
Prahasaurus@reddit
I've lived in many countries, and I've yet to see a government that wasn't toxic.
Spirited_Republic143@reddit
Best comment on the thread--They are all awful--if you think any govt is your friend, or 'cares' about you, ha--I have a bridge to sell you.
I have been in MX for 7 years now, and I am going to put my beautiful house on the market (wish me luck). I have mostly loved living here (small pueblo an hour from San Miguel de Allende) The locals are friendly, there is a very welcoming (but small) gringo group, and we socialize with the locals--parties, cultural events, etc. It's really a cool little Pueblo Magico. But I miss being in the States--my native culture. I miss my family who are ALL in the States. I am so glad I had this experience (and learned Spanish! It's still not that great, but I can communicate without difficulty)
mp85747@reddit
True, but some ARE more toxic than others! And so is the population, in fact.
Theal12@reddit
It varies according to your gender, ethnic heritage, religion, sexual orientation etc. When it directly affects your life, it's time to go.
-Chemist-@reddit
Por qué no los dos?
Make1984FictionAgain@reddit
wherever you go, there you are
austinrob@reddit
I know what movie that's from.
Duranti@reddit
motherfucker keeps *following* me
gulliverable@reddit
but like, what is the solution?
Jasqui@reddit
Therapy is a way to start
Prahasaurus@reddit
That's what he/she needs to figure out.
dmgirl101@reddit
This right here. It all comes down to ourselves.
Nearby-Knowledge2852@reddit
Immigrating is just really hard. What you’re feeling sounds like isolation and burnout, not failure. Four years is already a lot you’re allowed to pause and reassess.
mattatata@reddit
Single introvert here. Different country, similar story. I feel every word you wrote.
That said, when I consider whether to move, I have to take into account "wherever you go, there you are".
If there's a place that really would address these issues, go try it. Otherwise I'm trying to hold back from placing the responsibility on the place that I'm in and do self work instead. It's an okay place for that.
All just to say that I feel you and it always feels like there's this constant gravity pulling you back to your country of origin, no matter how broken that place is...
Serious-Telephone967@reddit
Same same. I was feeling a huge tug to go back to my country of origin during Covid and had the opportunity to move back for five months. That semi permanent move was enough to remind me why I left and I decided to put down some proper roots where I am now. When I stopped running and bouncing from place to place I went through a really rough patch but I’m glad I did that. It catches up with you eventually.
mossum_1242@reddit
Are you in mainland Mexico or Baja? I am so jealous. California resident itching to GTFO the USA but unable to move because my husband won’t budge. I’ll come and live with you and we can play Scrabble every night!
UpperDragonfruit3759@reddit
What part of Mexico do you live in if I may ask you?
Appropriate_Goat3252@reddit
I feel for you. I live in the US & have wanted to “retire abroad” since high school. I’m also estranged from my family & my friends all mostly have their own lives with family now or are still struggling. I hope Mexico works out for you or leads you where you should be next. Maybe look at moving out of Mexico but not back to the US. South America maybe ?
therearemanylayers@reddit
Why did you move to Mexico originally?
TheTattooedDocent@reddit
Personally, I don't feel that 4 years is anything. You've just brushed the tip of the iceberg. It's pay off your condo then think about maybe going somewhere else if you still don't feel happy there. I left the US 12 years ago and finally just became a citizen here in Germany. It wasn't easy. It still isn't always easy, but I think the trade off is well worth it.
alcott_@reddit
I’m looking to leave the US retire early abroad but now they require a substantial monthly income of somewhere like 4500.00 USD! That’s way more than in other countries so I’m looking at Vietnam
Future_Finding5875@reddit
From what i can see, you need to work on you. If you can afford the apartment you paying more a month cause your paying it off sooner. Soon you will be done with the payment and will have none. Moving from the usa because of the political climate is the wrong reason to move with all the so called madness it nothing presidents and parties come and go life goes on. If you like Mexico then stay if you don't then leave. This is a personal matter thing within you you need to work on. In my opinion Mexico's politics are far worse than ours. The cartels and such in Mexico are crazy near the boarders. Now that being said it love Mexico i visit quite often. You need to find happiness within your self and no matter where you are you will enjoy it. Good luck.
spectresmom16@reddit
Your number one issue is the language. It’s too late, but I would never have purchased a home without putting 2 years into living there and knowing the language.
Until you learn the language, you’ll probably only fit into expat groups, which are fairly transient. Take classes, integrate into Spanglish if you can.
And remember, if Mexico is just one option. You can move to another country or another part of another community.
Strong_Syllabub_1952@reddit
I spent 8 years in Asia due to divorce and custody and new gf can't get USA visa but my son calls her mom.
I don't have many options but teach English and I am miserable. 😖
TheSmashingPumpkinss@reddit
I'm 30, moved to Mexico in 2021 and bought an apartment here in CDMX. Still here but ultimately bored, understimulated and unfulfilled. Like you I also don't want to return to my home country, so I'm in a bit of a bind.
I love visiting NYC and would move there tomorrow, but unfort don't have a visa to live in the US.
chinga_tu_barra@reddit
you nailed my problem with mexico city. it’s great, but that “great” wears off quickly and then it becomes just another city. for me, over time, the negatives of mexico city have come to outweigh the positives, and as the price to be comfortable in mexico city has gone up quite a bit, it no longer feels worth it. just my opinion of course.
tingymomo@reddit
Consider yourself ultimately lucky. The US is in a swift decline. Everything costs an arm and a leg, and, as a general sentiment, quality of life seems to be in the dumpster. At least in CDMX, you have somewhat okay prices and the luxury to breathe outside the malaise caused by the current administration.
chinga_tu_barra@reddit
ehh, my quality of life is fine when i visit the usa (i'm visiting family now in fact). it's actually not much more than what it costs in mexico city. in many cases, like buying clothing, electronics, it's actually much, much cheaper than mexico. i think it's pretty tough to say that usa is in swift decline. it's still lightyears more advanced than the vast majority of the world.
tingymomo@reddit
When you visit, it’s fine. Perhaps maybe if you came back and stayed then you’d have a different feeling, maybe not.
Electronics are definitely more expensive, but day-to-day living expenses are much more cheaper in Mexico. I’d say this is a big plus.
And yes, the US in is a rapid decline. When fascism is being green-lighted by people on top, people are being ripped away by their families, and when the divide between the rich and poor has been accelerated more than ever, I’d be safe to assume that it’s not going to the opposite way.
It’s up to you though. Maybe you should move back to the US.
chinga_tu_barra@reddit
"fascism is being green-lighted by people on top"
ok.
EattheRudeandUgly@reddit
If you feel this way in CDMX what makes you think you'd enjoy NYC?
TheSmashingPumpkinss@reddit
I lived in NYC for four years, and just feel like it's a much more energizing space than CDMX.
CDMX is great if you want to find a place to escape pressure. It's not the right place when you want to put your foot on the gas professionally.
mmori7855@reddit
Trust me as a former NYC-er dreaming of CDMX, you dont want to do the reverse. Idk NYC was never for me from day 1 though, I never felt it. I was only there bc of partner. But CDMX i immediately fell for. They are very different from one another.
tfd3000@reddit
You and the OP should grab a coffee or drink sometime, don’t you think? ☕️🍷
feedmedonuts00@reddit
Just try another country, Peru, El Salvador is nice, Argentina maybe. Rent out your house on Airbnb and move
Mindless-Toe-9912@reddit
I’ve lived in Mexico for nineteen years and the feelings you are mentioning have ebbed and flowed over the years. Currently I’m feeling lonely and sad, but other seasons I’m happy and fulfilled. I speak Spanish very fluently after all this time, I have some friends, but I will never be fully Mexican, I will always be the “other”. It can be tiresome and isolating for sure. I don’t really have any advice except for deciding your goals and dreams for yourself and if living here can help you meet those dreams then great. If not, look elsewhere. I wish you the very best, feel free to DM if you have specific questions or just want to vent.
Willem-Bed4317@reddit
Four years and still not being able to speak Spanish fluently thats a major problem.
NorthCoast30@reddit
You either don't know what fluent actually means, are some sort of language savant, or have completely dedicated your life to learning your language of choice. One can certainly make strides in 4 years but advancing to fluent in 4 years would be unusual for an everyday person just living life in a foreign country.
killinnnmesmallz@reddit
To be fair, Spanish is known to be one of the easiest languages to learn (I've seen estimates of a year to fluency). I also found it a bit unusual that OP is struggling to converse after 4 years, but it's possible it wasn't a priority or they don't have friends to practice with.
ConcentratePretend93@reddit
A year? To fluency? No Way.
chinga_tu_barra@reddit
i mean i studied spanish for two years in college, took a class at unam in mexico city, and have lived mostly in mexico for the last four years, and while i can read mostly ok, speaking in mexico city is a totally different beast. if you’re not conversing regularly, it’s going to speak chilango. i realized quickly that nobody is teaching spanish slang and that’s so much of how i find people now talk. becoming fluent in that? well, good luck.
killinnnmesmallz@reddit
I totally get it, I lived in Paris to learn French and it was only through friends that I learned the slang and real way to speak. But I did manage to get from total beginner level to fluent in a year through constant practicing. I find that language courses really don't get you far on their own.
I guess I would assume that if you're living in a foreign city that you would be conversing regularly, but if you're working remotely or are in an english-speaking environment, I could see how you may not get the number of hours you need.
Only-Ad72@reddit
For a language as similar to English as Spanish you should be pretty fluent in two years if you actually study. Plenty of gringos don't bother and are stuck at a weak level forever, but that's their own choice.
NorthCoast30@reddit
It’s hard to place a timeline on something that is achieved through individual effort, but that would take an enormous time commitment that I don’t think most average individuals are able to do, especially if learning as an adult.
If you’re using fluency as substitute for conversational, that (in my personal opinion) would be more realistic.
Anecdotally, the people I know who are what I would consider to be fluent in Spanish and are non-native speakers have had extended periods of study and immersion and didn’t get there in 2 years.
Only-Ad72@reddit
FSI rates Spanish as requiring 600 hours of study. That would be less than an hour a day to get there in two years.
600 hours in two years is an enormous time commitment? I think that's squarely within the realm of something an average person could achieve.
Adults can learn much more efficiently than a child. Children take years and years to get to a level an adult can reach in a fraction of the time. The child might sound more native but accent isn't relevant fluency as long as someone is easily understandable.
Fluency is a nebulous term and some people act like it's impossible since they'll likely never be completely equal to a native speaker, but you can absolutely be functionally fluent in two years with a mild amount of effort in an easy language like Spanish. As in handle any affairs in your life, have extended conversations, make jokes, and talk your way around vocabulary you don't know yet.
NorthCoast30@reddit
I think we’re both arguing the same side of the coin here but from different perspectives - no doubt people accomplish a truly functional level of Spanish in 2 years. I’ve also seen the 600 hours stat and again effort, quality, and context are key - I’m sure we can all point to people who spent 4 years learning Spanish in high school and aren’t any more fluent than they are professional football players, or are daily Duolingo users and may have made progress but aren’t fluent by any stretch.
My angle is not that it’s not possible but I don’t personally and anecdotally think very many people achieve such rapid improvement for a variety of internal and external factors.
Independent_Drink714@reddit
Learning a new language as an adult is difficult. Becoming fluent in only four years would be a full time job. Competency is possible in 4 years but only by spending a lot of time and money. Ask any decent language teacher. Anyone who say otherwise is either telling porkies or is quite unusual.
Only-Ad72@reddit
FSI rates Spanish as a language you get competency in after 600 hours. That's less than half an hour of study per day for four years. Even someone who's busy could easily do an hour a day and halve that. Plus living in a Spanish-speaking country you should have easy access to people to practice conversation with, TV to watch, cheap books to read.
Even if you have no idea what you're doing and decide you need courses, a standard program at a language school will take you past B2 in 4-6 months and maybe $3-4k.
This is a myth and an excuse people (especially Americans) use to be lazy. You are not less capable of learning new things than a toddler.
bklynparklover@reddit
How many languages do you speak and when did you learn them? English and Spanish are not that similar, Spanish and French, Italian, or Portuguese are far more similar.
I live in MX and have been learning Spanish for over 4 years, I am far from fluent, it is not from lack of effort, I am 51 years old, languages do not come easy to me but I have stuck with it and hope someday to be conversational.
Independent_Drink714@reddit
Wow, so patronising and some nasty insults to boot. FSI is not real life. I hope you're not in the education space. So up yourself.
TallCoin2000@reddit
As a European fluent in 5 languages, English, French, German, Italian and Spanish, I can speak Dutch relatively OK but having lived in Czechia that's where all hell came lose.. Its a different family of languages that operate by different grammar rules and totally different vocabulary and phrase structure. I would probably pick up Swedish faster than any Slavic language. While Spanish is not a difficult language, I believe that some people are less inclined to languages than others.
Sweet_gold0@reddit
I really feel you on this. I’m immigrant myself on the other side of the border and there isn’t a day where I don’t think about moving to Latin America or somewhere else. I’m also pretty isolated where I am and don’t have many connections outside my own community, so a lot of what you said really resonates: the loneliness, the effort it takes to put yourself out there, the letdown when people come and go.
I don’t think what you’re feeling means you’re doing immigration wrong; I think immigration is just really hard, especially when you’re introverted, far from family, and carrying a mortgage that makes you feel stuck. You’ve actually done a lot: learned Spanish, volunteered, worked, bought a place, kept going through depression and scams and disappointment. That’s not nothing.
I don’t know if there’s a “right” amount of time to give a place, but maybe the question isn’t just “Do I stay or go?” and more like: Is there anything I can change here to make life more livable (different city, different community, different routines)?
Affectionate_Back548@reddit
my heart goes out to you… US is not fun place anymore. Get women n marry her. join large family n have some kids
JS1201@reddit
I lived in Mexico City for a year when I was young. But I rented a room in a big apartment shared with 6 others and there was regular turnover. Some Mexicans, some Europeans, and a guy from the Philippines who worked for the UN. I met a lot of people through this core group. I don't know how you can meet people in a foreign country if you live alone.
NorthCoast30@reddit
In no way intending to be snarky, but the only way to meet new people in a foreign country is by having roommates?
Depending on the area, there are innumerous social activities to meet new people. Expat groups if that's your thing and in an area with a bulk, but sports (could be just watching), dancing, foreign language clubs, board game clubs, culture exchanges, music groups (playing or listening), running clubs, chess clubs, even just random meetups. There's groups for people with kids. There's groups for single people. Groups for LGBTQ+ folks. Comedy groups (performing or watching). Groups, clubs, events, and meetups for everything, really, if you make an effort.
I'm in CDMX which clearly has an advantage on activities, and in that case there are more opportunities to meet new people than I could ever even attempt to take advantage of.
I'm sure there will be someone who says they live on a hillside in rural Oaxaca and they don't have access to these types of things; well, that's the choice that was made. However even for moderate size cities there's usually some mix of the above.
Does that guarantee that in any particular activity you'll instantly meet your new best friend? No, it doesn't, but there are many, many, many, many, many opportunities to get in front of new people beyond requiring that they live in the same apartment as you.
JS1201@reddit
We are talking about different things. You can meet lots of people doing the kinds of activities you describe. I met six girls on a train between Mazatlan and Guadalajara and ended up spending a week with them and their extended family in Iguala for their nephew's baptism. Great and memorable time, but I never saw them again. I'm talking about connections you make through repeated and varied interactions. Most people will only get those through work, school or living together. To the OP's point, going the roommate route would be the way to go.
NorthCoast30@reddit
That’s the textbook definition of at least half those activities if not more. What sports league or running club or dance studio is filled with one off people?
unimpressive_otter@reddit
It's interesting to see your post this morning. I've been in Mexico for 5 years (from U.S.), planned to put down permanent roots, and I'm also starting to wonder if this is my "forever" place.
I'm also an introvert, but when I first moved to Mexico City, I became way more social, trying new things I never would have done in the U.S. and meeting incredible people. Now, I'm a little older and a little less motivated to socialize; I also work full-time remotely and spend way more time than I'd like in my apartment.
I speak Spanish pretty fluently, but due to lifestyle and cultural differences, it's been hard to make solid local friends recently. 2021/2022 was a great time to socialize because so many people were excited to make new connections post-pandemic, but now the vibe feels different (at least to me). And as you said, foreign friends come and go.
I have a Mexican boyfriend but I'm not sure where that's going long-term; spending time with his family recently made me feel homesick and realize that my own parents are getting older and I don't see them nearly often enough.
I'm not sure where in Mexico you are, or what your work situation is like, but can you take a long weekend or couple of weeks to go somewhere completely new and see how you feel there?
As for the condo, that's tough. As others have said, if that's what's keeping you stuck in a place where you don't want to live, it might be necessary to take a loss on that. Or rent it out short-term so you're free to travel or spend time somewhere else.
SpectralEdge@reddit
what city are you in? i go down there every other two months, my boyfriend self deported.
Different-Audience34@reddit
You could always move back to the US for 1-2 years to recoup and save money.
natural-situation420@reddit
How does one save money living in the US?
natural-situation420@reddit
I've been living in Latin America for over 5 years now, learned Spanish etc and am starting to consider going back to the US, but it does seem scary. I don't know what I would do there. It's just that nowhere feels like home. No family or friends to go back to, only a suv that I'd probably be living in to start. Crossroads 😒
Salty_Possible155@reddit
I live in CDMX, I feel you it's rough out there :P
Seems like it's time for you to take a (one or more) backpacking trip and explore some new countries. I think Mexico is a great landing pad in the meanwhile. There's the separate financial issue which is real, and that has to be solved, and should probably be prioritized.
archillez7@reddit
6 months in each countries will give you different perspective. Life is like water, it gets muddy when it stop flowing
oneeye2@reddit
Where at Mexico?
mmori7855@reddit
You havent found your mate yet
chinga_tu_barra@reddit
what part of mexico and how old are you?
this story sounds eerily identical to me.
AR-Lea@reddit
What would you say is the main reason for you to say that "life is different now"? you don't have the same travel interests? did you get tired of traveling and want to settle? or is it just not the same travelling at this age (what age?)?
Just asking because this resonates with me
chinga_tu_barra@reddit
i got older.
that's the most honest answer i can give you.
i had a few health issues creep up, i gave up drinking, i aged out of partying / going out.
the things that people in their 20s and 30s do suddenly became less and less appealing as i got to my late 30s and hit 40 (where i am now).
bouncing around from city to city was super exciting at 35 (when i started doing this). where i am now, at 40, i'd rather stay in one place, have a core few good friends, and relax / unwind / appreciate life more. when you're running around, there's way less time for that and it's super duper exhausting. exciting? sure, definitely. but after a few years of it, and as you're getting older, that stuff just stresses you out.
killinnnmesmallz@reddit
I've lived in 8 countries as an adult and if there's one thing I've learned, it's that having a solid network and friendships is the key to happiness and fulfillment. This will help you come out the other side once the initial excitement wears off.
swimwiththeflow@reddit (OP)
Can I dm you
chinga_tu_barra@reddit
of course. please feel free.
propsNstocks@reddit
Turn off the news and get off Reddit. The US is not “terrifying”. If you’re liberal, pick a liberal state, or vice versa.
TheFreakElement@reddit
If you're a liberal state, pick a liberal.
oooooOOOOOooooooooo4@reddit
As someone who is currently traveling around latin america and looking to possibly buy a small place to live, and otherwise would describe myself as very similar to how you describe yourself, I don't really have anything helpful to add in the way of advice, but am interested in your situation on a general level.
What is it that you feel like you're missing that "calling it quits" might help you find? Community? Financial gains, purpose, romantic connection?
It kind of sounds like the condo is a big part of your issue. Have you thought about selling it or short term renting it while you explore other places that might suit you better?
swimwiththeflow@reddit (OP)
I have thought about selling it. The financial loss would be great and the fees and taxes. I have been thinking of holding on to it for at least 2 years, which would be in about 9 months. Then selling it. The development is still in the process of being completed.
Financially, if I had a renter I don’t believe (at this point) I could manage the remainder of what I’d have to pay on the mortgage and my own livelihood. I would need a financial cushion before hand (just in case the renter flakes, etc)
I long for connection of friends and hopeful romantic connection. Although I didn’t have community in the US either. I am gay, neurodivergent, some chronic health issues and I tend to connect a bit easier with those in that category. I’ve not met others
Then-Stage@reddit
How abour refinancing to a 20 year mortgage
oooooOOOOOooooooooo4@reddit
Yeah, you might be in a 'tough it out' situation for another year or so. Sometimes you have to do unpleasant things for financial security. For what its worth, I used to have a house in the states and rented out the extra bedrooms on AirBnB. I started out with roommates but found short term renters much easier to deal with, and paid much better. And if they are shitty, they are gone in a few days. I know a lot of people talk shit on AirBnB and in some cases its warranted, but hosting can also be a pretty cool experience and you can meet a lot of interesting people. Might be worth testing it out.
Cojemos@reddit
You're not stuck at all. Just needing validation. Your answers are within your post.
NorthCoast30@reddit
There's plenty of commentary addressing the other issues but picking up on the burden of your mortgage and being double what rent is, its likely because (it sounds like) you have a 10 year mortgage (I'm reading 2 years in plus 8 to go).
Outside of an enormous down payment it's unlikely a 10 year mortgage is going to be anywhere close to an equivalent rent. You may notice the debate in the US about whether rent or a mortgage is more affordable - a *30 year* mortgage. A 10 year mortgage is unlikely to ever compete purely on cash outflow with rent.
The difference is you'll have a free and clear apartment in 8 years, assuming you can manage the payments until then, and a renter will be paying rent forever.
I'm honestly amazed that people here can swing a 10 or 15 year mortgage on top of the elevated interest rates.
To the point of other commenters, equally you're not likely to be able to rent it for enough to cover your mortgage. Renting out individual bedrooms may be the only path... depending on the number of bedrooms.
Only-Ad72@reddit
10-20 years is the norm in Mexico and many parts of the world.
NorthCoast30@reddit
Yes, that is correct, although has no bearing on my statement.
Theal12@reddit
What was your day-to-day life like in the US? Again, rose colored glasses off.
Gelbel2122@reddit
I’m going to be honest with you, your argument comes across as driven far more by emotion than by logic or facts. Leaving a country because of politics alone already reflects that. No fundamental rights have been stripped away, we’re not in an active war, and at least where I live gas and grocery prices have actually gone down. Life shifts, politics ebb and flow, and that’s simply part of being an adult in a complex world.
It also sounds like you may have some personal development work to do before making drastic decisions. Moving across borders won’t fix internal issues. That’s something only you can address.
And just to be clear: you’re aware that Mexico isn’t exactly known for safety or political stability, right? Tourism risks, systemic corruption, and cartel influence are not minor details. The irony here speaks for itself.
Just something to think about.
Adventurous-Echo1030@reddit
I’ve been lucky that my hobbies provide a relatively easy in to some communities. I surf, mountain bike, and rock climb and stick to places where I can do those things. There’s always a built in small community of locals, transplants, and even tourists sometimes. Some of the connections are definitely more casual acquaintance level, but you inevitably click with a few people that turn into real friends.
Financially, if the condo is a money pit. Get out and sell. Rent something cheaper.
Tardislass@reddit
Honestly, the US isn’t so bad and the news makes it seem worse. Just like Mexico where every political cycle there are political candidates who are getting killed. That’s really scary stuff.
Honestly soubds like you are running from your own personal issues and rather than face them or get therapy you want to keep ignoring them hoping to find Utopia. There isn’t and you are never going to have that perfect life with friends. My advice, get some counseling to figure out how to deal with the issues that you have hidden inside. Moving is just more avoidance
Both__@reddit
It’s totally normal to feel the way you do. You feel torn between two countries - your own and the new one - knowing both are imperfect for you. Moving abroad is hard and the existential crisis of doubting your decision to do so is often a part of the package for so many of us, unfortunately.
It sounds like the mortgage is weighing you down and clouding your decision-making. Focus on selling it. In the meantime, look into other options for your next steps.
Sea-Ad-9677@reddit
My life path - grind it out in the US for 30+ years. Met my Colombian wife in high school 38 years ago. Grew up together. Just bought a nice house in cash in Colombia. Bought a motorcycle. Don’t expect to show up either no $ and expect to live well. Bring money down here. What visa are you on? Im on a resident visa and will become a citizen soon. Get a grip and figure your shit out. If you don’t you are in for a reality check.