Do you give your kids the unsupervised, free range time that we had.

Posted by WerewolfCurious1412@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 318 comments

I feel like I’m alone on an island. I have a 17 yr old, and my wife and I basically let him do his thing with his friends. He’s got a car and a job. This past Friday he went to a concert in a pretty crowded city with he and his buddies. We talk often about consequences and making good choices, so we trust him quite a bit. He had a great time and thankfully I didn’t have to attend with him, because his musical taste is truly awful. (I don’t tell him that). They even did the ceremonial stop at Waffle House after the show. When I was 17 I never did anything quite like that. Just curious if anyone else lets their teens sort of run unsupervised these days?

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318 Comments

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9inez@reddit

My kids had a lot of free range. Never tracked them. They did stuff like drove 12 hours to Colorado and closer spots in TX to rock climb in high school. They did plenty of dumb teen stuff of course. But didn’t get into any major trouble and have managed to mature into solid young adults.

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Dalivus@reddit

I try to, but all 4 of mine just want to stay home.

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JabbaTheHedgeHog@reddit

My 19 year old is a boring old man.

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Original_Gap4315@reddit

Same! We try to get him out of the house and to go do fun stuff.... sigh...

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brockclan216@reddit

So is my 18 year old. When I was his age you couldn't keep me at home. Now I can't get him out of the house 😂😂

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sly_cheshire@reddit

Same for my 17 yo. He never wants to leave the house. He even has a drivers license. My wife and I go out far more than he does.

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Dull-Geologist-8204@reddit

This is my 14 year old and I don't et it. When we bought the house we even made sure we had a barn with a cool hangout spot for him and is friend to chill. We know he has friends in school but they never get together outside of school. He doesn't go to their houses and they don't come here. They never ask to get together outside of school. I even bought him a flip phone so if him and his friends wanted to get together after school he could call me. On the one hand I grew up in an abusive home and did everything I could to not go home and even basically moved into a library for 3 years just to not go home so it does make me happy he feels safe and comfortable being home. On the other hand I am like please go and enjoy your teen years and have some fun. I have provided everything he needs to have a fun teen life and he doesn't use any of it.

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Academic_Ad_8229@reddit

This!!!! My 17 year old is exactly the same. He's in 11th grade and hasn't had friends here since 9th grade. We have a finished basement and a back yard sport court and we thought he'd have people over here all the time.

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JSA607@reddit

It may be that they gather on line. Last time my now 18 year old had a birthday party (age 13 or 14?) I had to drive his friends home early because they wanted to play video games together and each had to be home to do it. Cracked me up. But now they still play together even living far apart, so it’s ok. My younger kid also hangs out with friends from their room. Buses take a long time and there’s no real good place to gather outside. Malls are boring, etc.

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kcracker1987@reddit

A __flip phone__! You heathen! J/K...in case the snark isn't coming through. 😋

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Dull-Geologist-8204@reddit

I know he already told me it's embarrassing. I told him if he needed to use it just hide in the bathroom stall so no one would see him use it. They aren't allowed smar pones and even using the flip phone is limited to between classes, during lunch, and on the bus. Which is fine because those were the only times I was allowed to access the pay phone at school when I was a kid.

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Tippity2@reddit

Hydrogeo here. Same kind of son who grew out of it by age 24. lol.

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OldButHappy@reddit

Devices are addictive, so kids would rather stay home with their ‘drug’ of choice than exert any effort to socialize

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SushiGradePanda@reddit

My 14 y.o. is *exactly* the same. It's crazy.

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Academic_Ad_8229@reddit

Mine too! He never does anything! When I was 17 the last place I wanted to be on the weekends was home with my parents, but he doesn't seem bothered by it whatsoever.

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chamrockblarneystone@reddit

I have a boy and a girl. My girl lived at school because of drama club and putting on plays. She would get home late but my wife was friends with the director of the program and it was always legit. Of course there was a ton of silliness going on, but the director was always there. My son started trying to escape as soon as he could walk. I had to hold his collar in crowded places, which drove him nuts. At a very young age he found our neighberhood’s skaters and they became friends for life. Not the best bunch. He did remind me of my childhood though. His only leash was his phone which he mostly answered. I worked as a teacher, but to make more money I worked as a bouncer/bartender in a local pub. One night I was out back smoking a butt when I spotted a bunch of skate rats. I was like “Who would let their children do that at this hour?” They accidentaly came skating by and of course my son was in the pack. I called him out without embarrassing him too much ( his friends thought it was cool I worked as a bouncer). He told me he was supposed to be at a sleepover. I said,”Well get there and go to sleep.” I kept that one between us but I knew he was getting up to some nefarious shit. As soon as he was mature enough we sent him to college in Queens, where he met a whole new class of people. His skater friends mostly did not have cars so he was able to grow up without their interference in college. He graduated, got a good job, is getting engaged, but he’s still tight with his skater bois. I thought back to my 20’s and my sketchy ass friends and laughed. He lives life like an adventure. I even got to go on a few with him. Went surfing in Ireland a few years back. My daughter recently married and is much happier being with her husband and her dog streaming true crime. I got lucky, but the boy still makes us nervous.

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OHdulcenea@reddit

My 16yo doesn’t even want to get his driver’s license. I had to force his older brother to get one.

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I_deleted@reddit

Had to force the painful learning on my oldest. School pickup, “you’re driving us home” etc. now a sophomore in college and thanks me for making them learn

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hocfutuis@reddit

Mine could get hers next year, but doesn't want to. It's probably safer for everyone, given she still gets left and right confused! She's also autistic, so struggles with a few other things so I'm not going to push it the second she turns 16. There's more than enough terrible drivers on the road without throwing her into the mix.

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brockclan216@reddit

His older brother (now 20) really wanted his. Then we shared my car and he drove to school with his brother.

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Able-Contest-8984@reddit

I didn't want mine back in the day, but my mom was tired of driving the whole 12 hours everytime we went to Michigan. I got my learners and she put me behind the wheel on 75N... Which wasn't at all legal. Now I hate interstates and avoid them as much as possible.

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brockclan216@reddit

Are we all living the same experience?

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Tippity2@reddit

Ha, sounds like it. Scott Galloway sees device addiction as a real problem, has a 17 yo son. Interesting YTs / podcasts.

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brockclan216@reddit

One thing I have noticed as well is we will all be watching a movie and they will be watching while being on their phones. Gaming too. I would be so overly stimulated. Maybe that's the issue? Too MUCH stimulation.

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Tippity2@reddit

I had a young company VP who would do that whenever anybody spoke to him in his office. He would be doing something on his smart phone while you were explaining a decision that needed to be made about a project that he had assigned to your team. This man was in his 30s and was constantly glued to his phone.

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marge7777@reddit

I even bought mine a car. He would rather watch basketball with me and game online than go out. Craziness.

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Jenshark86@reddit

Yep many don’t even want a drivers license

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jennbouk@reddit

My 25 yo got a license at 17. It expired and I think he drove twice. Has no interest in getting another one. He is happy at home and will go out with his friends sporadically. He's happy, so I'm happy.

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puppy-paw-print@reddit

Happiness is the goal

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Jenshark86@reddit

Yep same with mine

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brockclan216@reddit

Mine got his provisional but has zero interest in driving 🤷‍♀️

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brockclan216@reddit

Mine just renewed his for another year but has only driven once 😂

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Disastrous-Eye4387@reddit

That is great to keep them off the roads. Driving has been getting crazy here the past few years 😵‍💫

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noodletropin@reddit

Gaming whatever, but if he's spending time with you, that's great.

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schwarzekatze999@reddit

It's because they don't want to pay for gas. We bought my daughter a car but expected her to pay for gas thinking she'd, you know, get a job or something. Well she kinda got a job (lawn mowing for seniors who pay her) but she still doesn't want to spend her money on gas. Her bf is spoiled and his parents pay for all his gas. So now he drives everywhere and her car sits unless she's going somewhere to earn money or have something paid for by someone else, like to a mowing job or to breakfast with her grandparents who will pay for the meal. These kids want to do things, but everything is so expensive nowadays that they can't afford much, so they sit at home.

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pedmusmilkeyes@reddit

She’s a recession baby.

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schwarzekatze999@reddit

Well, she was born in 2007, so yeah.

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PsychologicalBat1425@reddit

I know!! I remember back in the day we all went down and got our driver's license on our 16th birthday. My son didn't bother. He got his license at 17, a few months before his 18th birthday. He was the first one of his friends to get a license. So strange. Once I got mine, I bought an old beater for $500 and I was gone all the time.

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PieTighter@reddit

Same. I keep telling him that there's a whole world out there waiting.

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pandorumriver24@reddit

My 18 year old never leaves the house. It’s weird. I was moved out when I was 18 lol

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Synensys@reddit

When i was his age we had only phones and aol to reach our friends. We had a handful of video goes, cos, videos, and whatever cable was showing to keep us entertained.

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Academic_Ad_8229@reddit

Mine too!!!

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OtterLLC@reddit

My 17 y/o’s boss calls him “the youngest 50 year old I’ve ever met.” He is…very different than I was at that age.

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elphaba00@reddit

My 19 year old too. He got his license this past February so it’s been about a year. He has a car at college with him, but it doesn’t really get driven. His favorite hobby is building Legos. I don’t think he has a favorite band or singer so he has no interest in going to concerts.

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I_deleted@reddit

I call my 14 year old “grandma”. They don’t want to go anywhere. A couple years back I peek in their room… it’s loud, there’s a group of kids playing together..online. I asked what they were playing and she said, “TAG.”

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Golfnpickle@reddit

I had to encourage my kid to get a drivers license. When I was 16 I knew every minute up to getting my license. I literally couldn’t wait. He was interested in the least.😳

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MinusGovernment@reddit

I had 3 friends spend the night on my 16th birthday (it was a Saturday so DMV was closed and couldn't get my license) and my parents caught me sneaking out and taking the car (had been doing it for a year already) so I couldn't get my license for 3 months as punishment. Worst punishment ever. My daughter is wishy washy about getting her license and she turned 20 this past summer.

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BobMortimersButthole@reddit

My kid's in his early 20s and finally recently decided to study for a driving permit so he can take a road trip with friends next year.

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tabicat1874@reddit

You must have raised him right 😆

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Jenshark86@reddit

They are all like this.

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TheHobbyWaitress@reddit

Yeah but it's nice to rub it in my moms face. He's nothing like me at that age & her threat/wish didn't come true.

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BobMortimersButthole@reddit

My 22 yr old socializes by going to community events at the local library.

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TheHobbyWaitress@reddit

Meeting friends @ the library for some D&D or UNO. I consider myself blessed.

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No-Vacation7906@reddit

lol. I had a kid like that. Much easier to parent, though.

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TheHobbyWaitress@reddit

Yeah. My mom's wish for my children didn't come true & I occasionally remind her. 🤣

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TheHobbyWaitress@reddit

Mine has an adorable old man hairstyle.

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RightReasons76@reddit

I think this is actually more the norm for this generation of teens. They feel they have what they need between school and their little black rectangles.

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ChokaMoka1@reddit

Honestly why go out when there are dbags everywhere?

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pemart22@reddit

My daughter is 16 and hangs out with her friends every weekend. They go to live music shows and sometimes just hang out downtown or stay at each other’s houses. Granted it’s just the two of us, so it’s not very exciting staying home with me, lol. She’s exactly like I was when I was her age- I spent all my free time with friends. We don’t live in a big city, so I don’t feel quite as nervous about letting her have a little freedom.

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PsychologicalBat1425@reddit

Yes and no. When my son was in grade school and middle school I could track him on Life 360. When he was on high school he came and told me how much it bothered him that I tracked him. He is a good kid, get's good grades, doesn't skip school (like I used to do), so I agreed. Even though I had the app to track him before, I never checked it unless I couldn't find him and was worried.

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hapster85@reddit

Junior and senior years of high school we were pretty lax -- although my kids might disagree with that assessment lol -- but all three tended to be homebodies. They didn't really come out of their shells until they went off to college.

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Snowbilt@reddit

My 19 year old is this way. He just doesn't grasp he's got to find a career and get going. He lives with my first wife and she doesn't push him. He knows if he lived with me his ass would not be doing that. My two youngest will be off and running.

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MrsQute@reddit

I did. Mine are all adults now but I certainly let them have more leeway (earned and revokable as warranted) than some of their classmates though happily our area has never been too pearl-clutching at the thought of kids doing things without immediate supervision. It's not easy letting go but better to back off when they're younger and the consequences are lower and let them figure out how navigate smaller waters before hitting the ocean of life. My DIL was definitely helicoptered and over-parented and it shows. We've been slowly trying to "de-program" some of the shit over the last few years. My oldest, her husband, was the least adventurous and most introverted of my 3 kids but still has the ability to "see what happens" when trying something new and isn't frozen by the idea of screwing up. He asks for advice/guidance but is fully aware his worth as a person isn't dictated by success alone. Well at least as far as we're concerned. His in-laws are a different story. I worry about them but I'm not worried for them, if you get my meaning.

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GerswinDevilkid@reddit

We jokingly say our daughter is feral. Not to the level we were, but she's much more free range than her friends. She's also, as a result, much more self sufficient and mature.

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JSA607@reddit

When I tried to let my daughter be free range she got heat from outsiders. Sent her one block to pick up pizza or to the store and she got grilled - where are your parents? Let her and friends walk around the neighborhood, friends’ parents freaked out. Some oddball mother yelled at them at the park and threatened to stalk them for talking to her son - they were all under 12. It’s not so easy to let a kid out when the world has been conditioned to think it’s dangerous.

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must_eye@reddit

I feel this. We are a free range family, and the majority of our neighborhood is not. I would let my youngest walk around the block to knock on her friend’s house to ask if they could play. One mother would always escort her back to our house and let me know she came over and knocked on the door to play. I never took the hint and let her ask every time. Most other parents called when she got there to make sure I knew. Several asked how I handle being so free with them. Shoot, we are in nice neighborhood where we all know each other. I give her limits and trust her. As she does well and is comfortable, I expand her range. It is great.

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Sweaty_Positive5520@reddit

Yes...free to play

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Historical-Ant6394@reddit

Yes. My near 18 yo has been free range since an early age. I’d drop him off at a skate park or bmx park and let him have fun starting at age 11ish. His first overnight backpacking trip was at 16 with a buddy. They drove to the trail and came back 2 days later after an amazing adventure. He has not abused our trust and I am glad he has some independence skills that will help him be successful when he leaves home for college next year. It can be nerve wracking sometimes but that’s my issue, not his.

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AZJHawk@reddit

Sure. Just as I did when I was a teen. Once I got my driver’s license, I did a ton of stuff unsupervised. Most of it perfectly appropriate, some of it dangerously stupid. My kids are smarter and safer than I was as a teen, so we treat them like adults and trust that we’ve raised them right.

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LayerNo3634@reddit

They had more freedom than I was comfortable with,but still had a curfew and had to tell us where they were. It really wasn't too much of an issue. Our house was the hang out spot from middle school, high school, and college (they went locally and commuted), so I knew who they were hanging out with and what they were doing. I got really good at feeding crowds. We had lots of blankets and pillows because kids were always staying over. We always said building a pool was the worst thing financially, but the best thing we ever did for our family.

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sanityjanity@reddit

Sort of. But a kid with internet access is never bored

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WerewolfCurious1412@reddit (OP)

That’s a lot of porn.

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mden1974@reddit

When I was 17 my parents let me skip school and drove three hours across the date to see a Jane’s addiction show with my friends. We didn’t even have a place to stay. We found a hotel room that would rent to a 17 yo (knights inn).

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WerewolfCurious1412@reddit (OP)

lol, it took me a minute to remember. Yes. I also did road trips with my buddies. It’s the concerts I got into late in the game compared to most.

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No_Proposal7812@reddit

My son is 16. I let him go out with his friends. I just trust he's doing what he says he's doing. They all seem like good kids and the gym or somewhere to play basketball is their favorite place to go. He has friends that drive and I let him go out with them. He's going to get his driver's license in the next week or two. I don't track him. I don't want to. I want him to have freedom like I did. I tell him just be home by 11 and don't do anything too stupid.

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pancakeonions@reddit

A few months ago, I let my 13 year old go to his third concert.... alone - first time alone (First was with dad, second with mom and aunt). Not even any friends! He's crazy about Tyler the Creator and while I appreciate and respect how his tastes in music diverge from my own, I admit I am a bit put off by the intensity of much of the hip hop and rap he is drawn to. But I was really proud of him! He had a great time, and got home by himself with no problems. I am thrilled when he gets a ping from a buddy, and disappears for a few hours to go hang out IRL (and away from those infernal screens!). I very much remember doing things like that, though for me it was more to play sports, or play dungeons and dragons. I think it's important you help cultivate a sense of individualism in your kiddos, and this can be good for them - sounds like you're doing it the right way, in my opinion - keep up the good work!

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SlyFrog@reddit

I know it's fashionable to pick on old people now, but something that I think people miss is that children need going outside the house to be more rewarding than staying inside the house. There is a difference between abusing your kids and making it so they have to do stuff and not just sit around all day playing video games and eating food they didn't pay for. Part of the reason I have had jobs since I was 12 is because I wanted things, and my parents sure as hell weren't going to pay for them when I sat around doing nothing. Likewise, I learned fairly quickly that if I wanted my life to be comfortable, it was going to be from me making the decisions, which meant it would require me not being at home. Because when I was home, it wasn't me getting to decide what I wanted to do. And I think there is way too much laziness in explaining it all as "well, it's different now, kids can't make it like we could." That may be the case, but nothing about that prevents them from doing what they can do. I hear the "kids can't make it on their own these days" so much, and the kid seems to be doing absolutely nothing. You can "not make it on your own" and still have a job. And again, I think some of that attitude is developed by not being overly coddled. You can have a situation where your kids don't use you to avoid responsibility but still ultimately like you.

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EvilCodeQueen@reddit

As a single mother, some of it was by necessity. They could get themselves up, dressed, fed, and catch the bus by age 8. They could cook entire (simple) meals by age 10. They were also nerds who spent a lot of time online, so not quite feral. As teens, I assumed they’d be drinking and coached them accordingly and allowed them to stay overnight at parties rather than risk driving. Now they’re in college and largely independent (other than tuition, phones, and cars).

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EastHuckleberry5191@reddit

I did. When the kids were younger, they were allowed to roam our property without supervision. When I moved out of state to a small town, my then 11 year old child would walk from the school through town to my office at the college. He got his license at 16 and loves to drive. He visits museums, goes to concerts in other states, etc. While in college, he attended concerts in NYC by himself (he did let me know where he was when he moved locations so that someone knew where he was). I think his first solo trip via airplane was when he was 18.

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Brownie-0109@reddit

Pretty sure I was going to concerts w friends (but no parental supervision) as a senior in high school. It was nothing to drive up to Brendan Byrne arena or down to the Spectrum as high schoolers

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kegsbdry@reddit

My son just turned the age where I can leave him alone while I go out for hours. He has ways to contact me if there are problems. But this is all so new to me. And as the hover parent generation, I'm trying my best to give him room to wander on his own.

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Away_Opposites@reddit

Yes both my kids. My oldest moved across the country with friends earlier this year. Drove there. My youngest one I’ve barely seen since he got his license at 16.5 They were raised to get out of the house and do shit. If your kid doesn’t do that it’s your fault.

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cl0ckw0rkman@reddit

So me and the son(21) moved in with my at the time GF when he was 10 years old. Three years after his mother died. She lived in a good, nice and quiet neighborhood. It wasn't gated but it was pretty close to being. He was out, after school, with his friends. He didn't have a cell phone or anything. It had gotten dark. The GF comes in from her office and asked if my son was home. I was like, I have no clue. Didn't hear the door or anything. She informed me it was dark out and he was not home. Than she asked if I was worried about him. I was like, "NO! Should I be? You told me this was a good neighborhood!" Definitely overselling. Cuz I was not worried about my son being out. I told her, I was raised by the streetlights and knew to go home when they came on. She( ten years younger than me) was not having it. Did a mini freak out and called the none emergency number. As I stepped outside to see my son and his friend both riding their bikes towards the house... So to answer the question, yes. I did when he was younger and I don't ask him anything other than "How was your day?", when I see him.

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religionlies2u@reddit

Yes my children absolutely had more freedom than all their friends. When they were teenagers I always knew more about what was going on in their friends lives than those kids parents knew, since everyone knew they could talk to me.

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Competitive-Fact-820@reddit

Are you me? We were the house all my sons friends came to for advice if they fucked up. They knew there would be no judgement and we may be able to give some advice about how to deal with whatever mess they had created or how to break it to their parents so they didn't get grounded until they were 60. We were also the main meeting point for everyone - we never knew how many we were catering for, especially on weekends, because if you were here and it was a meal time you got fed. Always had mountains of snacks available and deaf ears to the swearing - once in a while we would need to have "words" about what they were saying but on the whole they were a good bunch. We had rules, the major one being do not lie. Once he got it through his head, about age 8, that he may get in trouble for doing something asinine it would go a lot smoother for him if he told us about it than if he tried to hide it. Even now, when he and his friend group are all over 30, we sometimes get asked for advice on adulting. Which is hilarious to my husband and I as we neither of us feel like adults.

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Beruthiel999@reddit

I went off to college a year early, at 17. At that age I was living about 700 miles away from my parents.

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kalelopaka@reddit

Yes, I allowed my girls free range. They were smart enough not to get into trouble. Until they were in their early teens. Then I caught them in all kinds of situations. They always wondered how I could know what they were doing, I told them because I was the boy who talked girls into doing stupid stuff.

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DoubleDareYaGirl@reddit

Nope. I felt neglected and was put in danger because of my complete lack of anyone who gave a shit what I was doing as a kid. I also do not parent my kids anything like my mother did. 😒

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Wonderful_Pain1776@reddit

I raised my daughter like I was raised. I will treat you like an adult if you act like one. We all grew up in a very rural area and if you didn’t have a car, you either caught a ride or went no where as a teenager. We held up our standards and lucky she was a good kid.

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vulcangod08@reddit

Mine are 11 and 8 and they are most free range. They each have a Gaab watch so we know where they are. But other than thats, its basically be home by dark.

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mday03@reddit

Yes. My husband has a difficult time with it but I try.

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Jimmy-the-Knuckle@reddit

Nope. The world has changed drastically. My spouse and I go through a lot of work so the kid understands and hones her instincts.

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TJH99x@reddit

At 17? Yes, they’re practically out of high school, they can’t just wait until they’re 18 to go out alone for the first time. I started going to concerts and clubs at 16 and let my kid do the same. My 19yo just flew across the country on a vacation they planned and paid for on their own.

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Hefty_Debt_638@reddit

Yes my kids pretty much roamed freely growing up. I told them as long as they’re upfront with me and honest, we wouldn’t have a problem. They were all good kids and now thriving adults. I was raised the opposite. My dad was very strict which made me very rebellious. I did not want my kids to experience that.

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thedarkforest_theory@reddit

I’m hoping to raise free range kids. Mine are younger and Covid during elementary school was really impactful. I’m having to nudge them to take advantage of the freedom I’ve given them. My working assumption is that I’m not going to be around forever so I would rather teach them decision making skills than micro manage them.

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schwarzekatze999@reddit

If they are young teens now they might be the only ones allowed out by themselves. My 14yo is running into this. She can go pretty much wherever she physically can on foot but she's having trouble finding other kids nearby who are allowed to do the same. There's one girl who might but she never answers her phone. I told her to do the good old fashioned knock knock and I bet she will be able to do things.

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JSA607@reddit

This exactly and even more for girls than boys, of course.

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schwarzekatze999@reddit

Why more for girls than boys?

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JSA607@reddit

Cause people won’t stop treating girls like babies or like sex objects. My son was able to go out on his own without being harassed much younger. Now that people don’t scold my daughter for being out alone they harass her instead. She and all her friends have been, just like we all were back in the day.

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CraftLass@reddit

Honestly, as a person who lost her mom at 15 in an accident (she was perfectly healthy), that's really smart. My dad was out of commission, almost dead from the same accident for about 4 months. That's when I realized how much effort my mom had especially put into giving me all the tools to adult before I turned 15. I wish I could thank her! So I'll just thank you for thinking this way. We just have no way to predict when a child will have to rely upon themselves, so it's best to have them as ready as is appropriate to their age. They'll eventually need these skills whether you are around or not anyway!

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Amissa@reddit

Same! My father’s philosophy was to give us enough rope to find our boundaries, but not hang ourselves.

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FreeElleGee@reddit

Same. I’m struggling to get mine out of the house.

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OneCallSystem@reddit

Da heck kind of gen Xer were you? Everyone I know from my era was going out and taking road trips as soon as we got cars at 16. Before that we tried our damndest to get as far from our parents as possible running around the town.

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buginmybeer24@reddit

My son is almost 14 and he pretty much has the same freedom I had at that age. As long as I know where he's going and he answers his phone when I call, he can keep that freedom.

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donner_dinner_party@reddit

I think it comes down to personality. My two oldest are homebodies who don’t care to go out much. Our youngest is 8 and is the most wild and adventurous of the 3 and is constantly running the neighborhood with friends and wants to go do things independently. We never stopped the oldest two, but it just doesn’t seem like they care to venture out even though they can.

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Glamma1970@reddit

I did but maybe not quite as much as I had. But my kids were all more homebodies and if they said they were at a friend's house, they were at a friend's house. And my youngest was basically in her room if she wasn't at school LOL

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_TallOldOne_@reddit

My kids are grown now but yeah, I pretty much gave them free range to do whatever they wanted. They took and take a lot less risks than I ever did. I tell them stories about the stuff I did in my youth and they look at me like I’m insane.

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Rhythmdvl@reddit

In contrast, my son will not let me go to a concert or music festival without him because he has excellent taste in music and I wouldn't exclude him like that. We're on our way to catch Phish for YEMSG, just got back from Herbie Hancock and are buy blind faith tickets to several music festivals over the summer. He's been coming with us since he was a toddler and as a mid-teen is just as excited. He has lots of free reign at fests, but we hang with our crew (fest friends and families) during the music. Lots of drug talks and boundaries, of course, but trust and openness abound. Oh, my first question when he listens to a new band is whether he'd want to see them live. Too young to drive alone, yet have been teaching him and include a fair dose of "when you're alone, you're friends might say ... " and that kind of stuff. Totally expected that he'll be out and about on his own and will be good with responsible boundaries. (I hope!)

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davebrose@reddit

I do, we live in a safe area. Not letting them have some space would be doing them an injustice.

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Potential_Bad1363@reddit

It is because of my own "free range" childhood/teen years that I keep a pretty close eye on my own kids- LOL

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crazygranny@reddit

Mine were feral - as long as I knew who they were with, where they were going, etc I let them do whatever once they got to be older teens (16, 17) My house was the hangout a lot of times so that was good But they survived, and are strong, independent, critical thinkers. My one hard, fast rule was “if I find out and will freak TF out, don’t do it” and they were either really good at hiding stuff or they followed that rule lol

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painstakingdelirium@reddit

Yep, my oldest is free range. Concerts, road trips, etc. high trust kid. I let him do his own thing and now he and his friends occasionally invite my partner and I along. Which is awesome and makes us feel connected and valued by them.

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WerewolfCurious1412@reddit (OP)

lol, my kid would never invite myself and his mom along, ever😂😂😂

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painstakingdelirium@reddit

It all started with a concert I took them to. We like mostly the same music and at the show I knew most everyone. Introduced them around to my old ass crew that I hadn't seen in decades. (My ex and my friends were not compatible) For the first time they saw me in a different light. A dude with cool friends and history, not an isolated dad at home. People congregated and talked with us after not seeing me for so long. Now they think I'm cool I guess.

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hippiesoul27@reddit

Same! Our kids often invite us to do things with them and their friends. It's an awesome feeling! Like wow, we must be cool if our kids and friends want to hang with us.

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Majestic-Selection22@reddit

My kid would never invite me anywhere he was going with his friends. Even if he did, I wouldn’t go. Weird.

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first_best_fox@reddit

If your kid asked you to hang out with his friends, you would say no? I don't get why that's weird.

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Majestic-Selection22@reddit

I don’t think a bunch of 20 year olds want to hang out with a 60 year old. I know I never would have invited my parents to hang out with me and my friends. If it was just me and my kids going to concert or something, sure, sounds like fun. But, with their friends, yeah, I think it’s weird.

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Rattlehead71@reddit

My friends and I went with my mom and dad to bingo when I turned 18. It was a blast and my buddy won a couple hundred bucks.

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first_best_fox@reddit

Weird for you, I guess. We often hang out with our 20-something kids and their friends. Play cards or board games, go out for dinner, watch a movie, whatever. We all get along great. Of course, they do things on their own too and so do we. But it's fun for us to get together.

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lvckybitch@reddit

Same. We have 5 ranging from 36 to 21 (we are 55F, 57M). Our kids have no shame in telling people we’re their best friends. Our family has a ducking blast hanging with each other!

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Footdust@reddit

That’s really sad.

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tossitintheroundfile@reddit

My kid is about to turn 16 and wants me to go skydiving with him. 🤩

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pandorumriver24@reddit

We just did a cruise with my oldest, her boyfriend and his best friend. They even hung out with us a bunch. (They had their own cabins). It’s fun to hang out with your adult kids, even when they make fun of you for going to bed “early” haha

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notyourmama827@reddit

Its always good to hang out with people that you created.....

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Bree7702@reddit

I would have let my daughter if she wanted to, but even now as a 20 year old, she is a homebody and so are her friends.

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puppy-paw-print@reddit

We make sure they stay on top of their schoolwork, don’t stay out late on a school night, and make sure they can reach us by phone if they need us, and help line up extracurricular activities. Other than that and giving occasional advice they are free to do as they please

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Canuck_75@reddit

I went to Metallica …..and justice for all in ‘89 unsupervised in Vancouver with friends when I was 13. So ya. We did that

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Insightseekertoo@reddit

I divorced when she was 12. I cherished the time together, so, not really. However, if she did come over and she had friend plans, I let her go and only had her contact me when she was done or needed something.

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ThginkAccbeR@reddit

My now 16 year-old has been making his way around town by bus for about two years. He’s a good kid who studies hard and does his chores cheerfully and has proven that he’s trustworthy.

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Majik_Sheff@reddit

I give my kids the freedom I think they can handle. This irritates my wife immensely because she is much more of a worrier. So far they've proven me right. This also irritates my wife.

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monroebaby@reddit

My 17 year old went to a concert about 100 miles away last night. Over the summer she took a trip with some friends a few states over to do something they all wanted to do. I trust her, I trust all of my kids. We’ve talked about making good choices and they know that I’m just a phone call away if they need anything. My mom had no idea what I was up to. And it wasn’t good. I made bad choices. When they do decide to do some stupid shit, I will be there for them to help them figure the situation out learn what we can from it so it doesn’t happen again.

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AgileMastodon0909@reddit

Who did they see? Musical taste aside, nice job raising an independent young man.

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WerewolfCurious1412@reddit (OP)

Playboi Cardi 🙄 I like rap, but anything after Eminem’s peak I’m at a loss.

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AgileMastodon0909@reddit

At least they had a good time, I guess. lol

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YouMustBeJoking888@reddit

I gave them lots of freedom, telling them that their choices are theirs to own. The result is that they never really got up to much trouble, other than skipping school now and then (which I secretly approved of). You give trust and you'll get trust, if you've given them the foundation needed.

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WerewolfCurious1412@reddit (OP)

I’m always on the fence about skipping school stuff. Harmless in some ways and recklessly irresponsible in others.

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tossitintheroundfile@reddit

I always give my kid several “mental health days” every school year. He is free to tell me he needs a mental health day, and I don’t ask questions and let the school know he will be out.

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LadyGreyNoJoy@reddit

I agree 100%!! Explain consequences with follow through (definitely something that is lacking nowadays) and trust to them and they become wonderful human beings. I think people forget that part of our job of parenting is to raise them to become a functioning part of society!

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Amissa@reddit

A friend of mine had a 17 yo son who would do all his homework and chores first thing Friday afternoon. After that, his parents might see him once before Sunday evening. He had a phone and he voluntarily updated them where he was going to be, where he was going to sleep, etc. The only limit was he had to be home by 6pm on Sunday evening. He was responsible, therefore he had privileges.

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futurestorms@reddit

This is the way

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app_generated_name@reddit

Yes. How else do they learn?

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jonathanhoag1942@reddit

I am baffled by the people who treat their teenagers like children then act shocked when the kid reaches age 18 and isn't an independent adult.

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WerewolfCurious1412@reddit (OP)

Same. I have a friend, I love him to death, but he has zero faith in his kids to succeed or fail on their own. They are literally suffering from arrested development. His oldest is the same age my friend was when he got married. My buddy is like, he’s not in a condition to get married. I laughed, because the dude has not even given them a chance to sink or swim. They are in their 20’s and don’t have jobs of any sort. Like zero jobs. He doesn’t even convince them to get a shitty job just to get experience. They are holding out for something in whatever field they are are studying (I forget what they are doing) But it’s wild to me that my friend is stunting their abilities. He always seemed like an 18 and your out guy, and while that is not possible really anymore, I always thought he’d at least encourage them to find work and pay for things. I look at my kids with jobs and schooling for my oldest and I’m like wow, I don’t want to injure my shoulder from patting myself on the back, but maybe I need to go to Urgent Care, because I think I tore my rotator cuff.

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Amissa@reddit

When my daughter was born, I thought back to my childhood and all the things we did (farm kids). I called my mother and asked, “HOW did you sleep at night, knowing the things we were doing?!” She replied, “We knew y’all were responsible enough.”

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originalsimulant@reddit

Yes No life 360 or any other phone locating service to incessantly monitor him He doesn’t need to text me ever time he goes from someplace to another place If he wants me to know for whatever reason he’ll text me or if I want to know where he’s at at that moment I’ll text him and ask

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No-Vacation7906@reddit

Now that is great parenting! I have friends who monitor their kids at college--just nuts.

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originalsimulant@reddit

Well I never said he was a good kid 😂 He very much is, but that wasn’t part of my post Now if my kid was just bad as hell all the time then I’m sure I’d possibly have an entirely different mindset about knowing where he is and who he’s with 😂

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No-Vacation7906@reddit

But that was my take and point. My friends kids are good, but they hover. The one now has an eating disorder. Can't help but wonder , controlling parents can do that to a kid. There is knowing where your kids are and then tracking them. Kids should not be living under a microscope.

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WerewolfCurious1412@reddit (OP)

My wife does not like him doing a lot of driving after midnight. We had a friend get killed in a dui accident years ago and it really affected my wife. So one of her sticking points is try to be home around midnight. 9 times out of 10 he gets it right. We have life 360, but only check it occasionally. Especially if we’ve gone all day without hearing from him. But we pretty much let him do his thing. He’s not a movie and tv guy he’ll play Fortnite every once and awhile, but he likes to be out and about. I have a 19 year old that calls it a night by 11pm most of the time.

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Secret_Asparagus_783@reddit

What's the curfew in your town?

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first_best_fox@reddit

Towns have curfews?

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One-girl-circus@reddit

We always told the kids to be home by 1 or stay somewhere for this reason. They usually came home.

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originalsimulant@reddit

no different than telling them after 1am is when the devil comes out looking for ppl to kill on the roads

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One-girl-circus@reddit

I mean I did tell my sister that the devil runs the car wash, so I don’t have a problem with that, LOL. Also acknowledged to my kids that it may have sparked her evangelical villain arc, and for that I’m sorry.

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Dragonfly_Peace@reddit

Love this discussion.

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DeadLined784@reddit

Yes Oldest was a Wild Child just like her mom but unlike me, she was dumb enough to record/take pics, hide shit where Parental Units could find it, and getting caught doing the same shit, the same way, multiple times That being said, she now has well-paying job/career and just bought a house. She's not even 25 yet. I am absolutely STOOOPID with how proud I am Youngest is 13 and as someone else commented about their 19yo, a boring old man. He plays video games, grows tomatoes, runs 5Ks, and does woodworking

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tmf_x@reddit

my 17 year old has very few restrictions on her. She has no real curfew, because she always tells us where she is going and when she will return. She played a varsity sport, as a 4.3 and has always been responsible and truthful. She gets free range as much as she wants the 15 year old is in the same boat, just doesnt go out as much due to the age.

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eweguess@reddit

Yes, but since she’s 29 now, she kind of rolls her eyes at the notion that I’m *giving* her anything. Kids these days, amirite?

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Commienavyswomom@reddit

I gave them all the freedom they wanted because they never gave me a reason not to trust them. They are now 23, live completely across the country for college (ME to NoCal) and have a large group of friends that they always hang with. For Friendsgiving, they took their two roomies and drove from the north to Riverside to hang out with a larger group of friends, made their own meal of nothing that represents Turkey day and they had a blast walking San Fran on the way back home. Couldn’t be prouder.

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MouseOk1815@reddit

My 16 year old refused to even get his DL lol. My 14 year old can't wait to get his. Then I have a 7 and 6 year old. Neither of my teens are "outside" kids. I get that I'm not an "outside" adult. They prefer to stay at home and game or read. Which works for me I'm the same. Now at 16 I was working and had a car. Played sports and was a dancer and in band. I was never home like ever. I had a group of older friends(that I made when they found me drugged in a Field at a party). They became my brothers and I was allowed to do whatever the hell I wanted if I was with them. I still talk to the only one who is still alive. Now, I don't think I'd be cool with my kids doing what I did because let's face it, times are very different. But, I can track their phones when they do venture out.

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Sorry_Im_Trying@reddit

I'd love to, but he's a cry baby. I say this with love, but holy shit, he wouldn't last a day in the 80's or with my parents as parents and not grandparents. He's too scared to go anywhere without me. Even his friends houses, he wants me to stay there. He wants me to watch the street for him when he's riding his bike. When I was his age, I was talking miles away to the library. I was discovering new woods. I didn't want my mom around, she was a bitch. See, I think that's the underlining issue. My mom was allowed to hit and yell and demean, and it was all fine cause it was the 80's. Now we have to love, support and encourage our kids and that makes them attach to us, hard.

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seaphpdev@reddit

When I was 16 I took a flight from LAX to Düsseldorf Germany with a layover and terminal change in Amsterdam to spend the summer with an exchange student I had befriended in high school. Getting my 10 year old to get out the house and ride her bike 3 streets over to a friend’s house is like pulling teeth. Really don’t like the millennial stranger-danger parenting style. I want to see gangs of kids riding their bike through the neighborhood.

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fouronthefloir@reddit

When I got my driver's license I was basically only home to eat and sleep. I earned good grades, did 3 sports, did all the chores around the house. As long as I got everything done, my parents let me do whatever I wanted. I treat my kids the same. They are drastically better than I was. When I was over 30 I told my parents what I was up to. They knew. They didn't intervene as they thought it would push me further away. As an adult I can confirm they were correct. For reference at 15 we would get dropped off for all night roller skating but actually goto raves in the city and eat acid. At 16 we drove ourselves. My kids play board games and dont even drink. I only ask they check in for safety reasons so we know their general location for emergencies.

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Curious_Instance_971@reddit

My son is 13 and I’ve just gotten him to go ride his bike over to his friends houses and see if they want to ride too. Those parents are also gen x so they get it.

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Able-Contest-8984@reddit

I raised my kids in the late 90s/early aughts and they were very much free range kids. The other moms kept eyes on their kids constantly, wouldn't let them walk a block through the neighborhood alone, drove them everywhere, including house to house to trick or treat--in the neighborhood; wouldn't let them play in the rain or run on asphalt. 😳 It never occurred to me to raise them much differently than the way I was raised. My youngest hung out at a local oddities shop and ended up working with a freak show. My eldest would call to ask for a ride home and my response was almost always "wtf is your skateboard??" They all survived childhood, so I obviously didn't do too terrible of a job. 🤣

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Irishdoe13@reddit

We let them do what they want but, unfortunately (fortunately) they would rather hang with us 24/7. We are just that cool 😎 lol

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EducationalOutcome26@reddit

im early gen X my kids are all mid 30's now when my son was 16 , 20 years ago we let him and his 2 near age cousins (who i had custody of) and my little brother who's 5 years older than them, just go and do. yall have vehicles, cell phones and money from jobs plus school. screw any one of them up and the party is over, be in by 10 on a school night, midnight when not, never an issue with the 3 younger ones my brother however, being the baby of the family by 15 years was constantly into something and i got into his and my parents faces over his behavior more than once after a bailout. most of the sketchy situations the 4 of them got in was due to him... so they all 4 got pretty good at not being stupid,eventually.... none of em got arrested or seriously injured enough to require hospitalization. so I count that as a win. the 2 girls on the other hand, my adopted daughter and my niece were hell on wheels, one sneaky as hell and the other just didnt care, life out loud... they both made it to responsible adulthood without police records or kids in tow. but holy hell one would beat down anyone who crossed her, the other would quietly burn down someone's life over an insult. the amount of calls i had to take for the 2 of them bulldozing their way thru life in our small town was insane, to the point the boys stepped in and told them to stop, youre stressing our parents past reason and its affecting us, we dont want to be known as your brothers and we are tired of having to come get you... they had the same freedoms and restriction's as the boys but they did a lot more hell raising with it. probably because the boys knew the ass whipping they would get if they screwed up too bad. past a certain age the girls had no such restraint on them and were constantly into something. I love them dearly but raising them was at best a pyrrhic victory.

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boringlesbian@reddit

My kid was free range. But that was before either of us had a cell phone. I don’t know if it would have been much different if we had. I discovered that my trust in him was justified when he was about 15 or 16 I got a phone call from him asking me to come pick him up because the friends he was with were doing something he didn’t agree with. I never asked what they were doing, I just picked him up and told him I was proud of him. He was very much against recreational drug use and got so angry with me when he learned that I occasionally smoked marijuana. 😂

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Didthatyesterday2@reddit

Yes, ![gif](giphy|6901DbEbbm4o0) I am. Do whatever, and we will see how it went later if needed.

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Federal_Base_2905@reddit

I let my daughter have quite a bit of freedom, mainly because I trust her and because she is way, way, way more boring than I was at her age.

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Upstairs-Aerie-5531@reddit

I need to know the secret to getting them outta their rooms let alone the house!!! 28, 22, and 17 yrs. I will never live alone!! ![gif](giphy|1BXa2alBjrCXC)

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Ok-Street7504@reddit

6th you can only show them the way you cannot live their lives for them. Do the best you can teach them the difference between right and wrong cross your fingers

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SmallHeath555@reddit

I was the only parent OK with letting my 16yo take the commuter train into Boston from our suburb to walk around the winter market. I was stunned. It’s the seaport,these kids are going to be mugged by $16 holiday lattes and the allure of a huge Lululemon store.

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Global_Tangerine1842@reddit

Within in reason. Ive got a bunch of girls, and the world can be dangerous. So, I like plans.. who going, how are you coming and going. Id like to know a general plan before i go to bed, but I don't want to stifle them either, so they know they can call and I'll come if needed or advise if necessary They realistically have to be able to figure stuff out as an adult, it starts now, with some safety nets.

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ZetaWMo4@reddit

Mine are 20, 24, 26, and 28. I gave them freedom but they rarely took it. My son did but he’s the only boy and the youngest. He and my nephews would walk up to the park or to the gas station when they were kids. He was the only one who got a permit and asked for a car. He drove himself to school starting junior year.

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Different-Umpire2484@reddit

My daughter 19 now has been free range her entire life within reason. Her and a couple of friends have been going to concerts by themselves since they were 16, when they got the license. She goes to college about 10hours away from us now and is regularly driving to Denver for concerts. Luckily her friends have parents that are similar to us so she always has people to go with. I couldn’t imagine micromanaging her life, that’s not how I was raised. She does understand that she has to maintain good grades and have a part time job.

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texan01@reddit

I do, during the summer I told him if he was out with friends that I trusted his judgment and to Be home by the time street lights came on. He always tells me what his plans are and who he’s going with so I have no issues with him being free-range.

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Pelvis-Wrestly@reddit

Yeah he’s 17 and free to do as he pleases with a few caveats. He and his friends know we will come down on them like a ton of bricks if anyone is drunk driving. They don’t do any drugs, only drink light beer, have never been in trouble with school or cops, get straight As and play sports. Unless something changes he’s good to make his own decisions.

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456name789@reddit

My children are all adults, but they were basically left to run their own lives when they could drive.

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456name789@reddit

When I was 17 I did exactly what your son did. While it’s been a really long time ago and the memories are fuzzy, I believe we did IHOP instead of Waffle House. It was INXS.

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GeorgieCookie@reddit

Live in Chicago. As long as she is with friends, my kid has had freedom around the city since she was a freshman. She has been attending concerts with only friends (except when it’s someone I want to see) since 8th grade. She’s been flying on her own since 6th grade. I do keep an eye on her with “find my phone” when she’s in Ubers, or taking the train to a nearby suburb for the first time. She actually has more freedom than I had as a kid.

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Ok-Entertainment5045@reddit

My 23 year old basically got to do whatever she wanted when she got her license. My 20 yr old is a hermit and just happy to play with her dogs. Sometimes she and her best friend go to Applebees. I wish she’d actually go out and do more

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throwtruerateme@reddit

My son spent most of his life dedicated to school and athletics and now at 17 he is finally able to blow off some steam. He doesn't do anything bad so as long as he's home by 2 am weekends and maybe 10-11 weeknights I'm ok. In a few months he'll be off to college so I won't be able to control him anymore anyway.

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Stop_The_Crazy@reddit

>When I was 17 I never did anything quite like that. You never went to a concert or hung out with friends when you were 17? Dang, by 17, I was already living on my own, paying bills and shit. And all I did was go to concerts and hang out afterward. At 19, I was a bartender at a rock club and we regularly went out to Denny's after the club closed down at 3am. Those are some of my fondest memories of that era. We are the music generation. How were you not involved in that? My brain is blown.

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MeanderFlanders@reddit

I do but my two teens hardly want to do anything with their friends. I encourage them to initiate things but their afraid of being “weird”

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Emunahd@reddit

My kids are adults now, but, yes, I did. They both wanted to drive, got their licenses, had jobs and a busy schedule. My son went overseas for work at 19. My daughter used to drive to another city a couple of hours away to visit a friend who lived there and didn’t drive (when she was 16). We have to let them do things in order to learn how to do…well…do things.

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PiecesofFlair@reddit

I’m a Gen x with a 19 year old. Have always given them much more freedom than any of their friends had. That’s not to say that we didn’t know where she was(we did(, and there were always certain milestones that we watched for before we let her try the next thing on her own. All this to say, I’m so glad we fostered her independence and street smarts through free-range parenting. Now she’s off in a different city, and she’s not afraid to hop on public transit or approach an instructor for clarification. And while Instagram posts are sometimes out only proof of life (ha,ha), I am so proud of how she moves through the world with curiosity and confidence.

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strongfortopullplow@reddit

My daughter went to all the concerts, beach days, camping with friends had a job, and lived like a 90's teen. By the time she was a senior I only saw her for weekend trips to Dunkin. My son is a little more inside. Hangs out with the homies online, goes to a show once in a long while, practices with his band every now and again and he and his friends go to the mall and see a movie or get hot pot.

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greg9x@reddit

Sometimes wish I had more to worry about with 17 year old son. He just got license and his mom's old car, he's thrilled to drive to school and work in his own, does occasional this with friends, but nothing like I was doing at his age. I didn't drink much or anything back then, but was i out until 1 am at teen clubs or cruising, etc. He went to a party after homecoming (with permission) and was home 30 minutes later.

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Trishjump@reddit

I did all those things when I was 17. Just had to tell them when I'd be home and call if late.

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Human_Entertainer865@reddit

Yes, my kids are 14 and 12, they’re involved in plenty activities and do well in school. If there’s no reason for them to sit at home they’re out in their bikes going to friends houses or to the store. We finally got them phones this year so we could at least communicate with them, sometimes they’re gone for half a day. It’s important for kids to explore the world and have unstructured unsupervised time. This is what’s missing in most kids development in my opinion.

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DownWitTheBitness@reddit

We weren’t allowed to let them roam free for fear of getting arrested for negligence. They are following the pattern we set.

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Piscivore_67@reddit

When my son was nine, we let him take a weekend trip with his friend's family to the next state. When my daughter was twelve, we got called by a neighbor because she ran home from a friends house alone.

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Substantial_Diver_34@reddit

Yes but with a little more communication than my parents had. Not all Gen Z kids are like the stereotype. I’m actually impressed with a lot of them. Somewhat responsible and not interested in drinking alcohol. Decent communication skills. I think I’m a little more realistic with my expectations and that seems to help.

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Optimal_Mango_747@reddit

My teens have quite a bit of freedom, but not like I did. I’m from a small town so the village effect was in force - I knew my parents were getting reports if I got up to anything. We live in a large city and it doesn’t feel as safe, but now that they’re teens, they do more outside of the house. Not as much as I’d like since they do spend a considerable amount of time socializing via screens, but they do get out some. Involvement in sports and D&D helps a lot with making friendships where they see each other outside of those activities.

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grumpvet87@reddit

i dont think many kids want to leave home. it is a different world and kids communicate and socialize very differently. much of it is online ... and it is not good

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bemenaker@reddit

Yes, and they are 12 and 6

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marys1001@reddit

So you all drive your 16 plus teenagers around? Wth

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Ceorl_Lounge@reddit

Two teens in the house, we're doing our best to give them some freedom. The youngest is 15 but has sleepovers, dates, and other social time we aren't there for. Still depends on us (and other parents) for rides, so we generally know a lot about what's going on. The 19 y.o. is still at home too and they have a pretty long lead at this point. The 19yo is a LOT more of a homebody, so I was actually relieved a little last weekend when they came home with a hangover. My key things are, I want to know where you are and whatever you're doing be safe. I've had conversations about "what to do" with alcohol poisoning and basic safety for nights out. Certainly more than my parents did. There are life lessons they need to learn themselves, but I want them to enjoy being young. Neither of my kids is an introvert, but COVID disrupted a lot for them, particularly the 19yo. A little nudge out the door is healthy IMO.

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Entire-Meringue6995@reddit

I definitely let my daughter, who is 17 hang out with her friends. She still has a weekend curfew. I trust her to make good decisions and safe decisions. If that changes then we'll go from there. Have fun, live a little!!

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KaligirlinDe@reddit

My son (21) had unsupervised, free range time starting around 16. We had no reason to not trust him. Not wild like me and hubs as teenagers. 🤣 We'd pick him/his friends up at any hour if need be.

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cheekiemunky13@reddit

Your son sounds like me in high school. I had a car at 16 and started my new job the same day I got my driver's license. I bought the car myself. I was a good kid to my parents and I earned my freedom. My twin was an idiot and still had a curfew our senior year. I did community theatre, ran my school paper, and took care of my little sister. I was treated like an adult while my twin was treated like a kid. They had no idea the shit I actually got up to 😄. My twin treats her kids the way I was treated. Like an adult. However, they're good kids too and have earned it.

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SnazzleZazzle@reddit

Yes, when my kids were young in the early to mid 2000’s, I was a stay at home mom, and the kids wandered the neighborhood, rode their bikes completely unsupervised and probably raised hell. I didn’t do play dates or anything even slightly resembling organized play time or educational activities. They started school in kindergarten, no preschool. They also made a lot of small decisions on their own from the time they were young. Don’t want to wear a hat? Don’t care! Don’t want to clean your room? As long as there’s a clear egress for escape in case of a fire, keep your room as you see fit. I can’t remember ever going in their rooms when they were teens. I trusted them, and they never betrayed that trust (or they were really good at hiding the bad stuff! lol). One neighbor told me, “everyone says you’re crazy and let your kids run wild.” Yep, guilty as charged! But they grew up to be responsible adults, well-educated with nice careers, we are still a close family and we all get long. I’ve no regrets.

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ItsRedditThyme@reddit

Hells no.

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TopicPretend4161@reddit

I went to my first concert alone with my boys at 17. Late night pizza afterwards at a nearby outdoor college cafe. He must’ve had a blast.

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Cheoah@reddit

Mine are raised but no, they got far better parenting than I did. Being raised by wolves served me well, but at a cost.

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HappyCamper4Life@reddit

My almost 14 year old boy is more mature than I am. 😂 He has free range of the major city we live in with the public transportation system which he often uses. He hussles for his own money with 3d printing toys and making trades to flip and sell. We went to Europe together this year and he 100% navigated 4 different countries for us, ordered his own food, and wandered around without me looking for candy shops, bakeries and girls 😂. After our trip, I basically released all control of him because he travelled so well by his own accord.

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Miserable_Drop_5398@reddit

Yes. When they were young they got walkie talkies and a don't come home till sundown.

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MaryKath55@reddit

At 16 I was crossing the border to Detroit and walking to Cobo Hall at least once a month with friends to watch the greatest rock bands of all time and I would still be home earlier than my parents.

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Dramatic-Elk4181@reddit

My kid turned 16 this summer and I have been so surprised at the amount of freedom I have given her. Suddenly, she got her license and it’s like she was gone. But she’s super responsible, asks me first, gets good grades, and is just a nice kid. So I’ve been letting her do her thing, for the most part. I told her that she will lose this freedom if she breaks my trust, but she’s hasn’t. I can see where she is with my phone. And she is home early on school nights. I’m so proud of her and she is gaining so much confidence. And I was doing the same thing at that age.

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cavey00@reddit

I was allowed to do whatever I wanted by around the age of 14. My kids? Not really. If they want to walk the outdoor mall with their friends or something like that I either want a parent there that I trust or I will happily drive them all there and just hang back out of earshot and let them have their social time. Once they have cars I can’t really control that as much but I can still track them and they have phones. We didn’t have phones at that age.

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tossitintheroundfile@reddit

Definitely. My kid is 15.5 and we live by common sense - no arbitrary rules, plenty of open communication, a standing invitation for him to have his friends at our house whenever he wants, and I stay out of his business. He has started traveling internationally by himself (with family at the other end), and I trust him to behave if I am gone for a night or two. So far I appear to be raising a fine young man who is an upstanding citizen, and takes responsibility for his own shit.

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Picmover@reddit

Yes but they choose to stay in their rooms or play video games. I have to force them out of the house.

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ThirstyWolfSpider@reddit

I was forced out of the house and restricted on computer time back in the '80s. Unsurprisingly, I maximized access to the computer and my career was in software development.

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Extension-Rock-4263@reddit

Yes and let me just say my daughter and her friends are so much more responsible than we were as teens in the 90s 😂

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elviethecat101@reddit

I don't know when his birthday is but he is almost an adult. I think it's good you let him go out with his friends. If you did a good job as a parent, then there is nothing to worry about.

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Impressive-Shame-525@reddit

Our kids had de ent grades, stayed out of trouble and the more responsibility they got the "better" they were. So we had no issues cutting them loose.

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dudunoodle@reddit

Yes we do that with our older girl who is almost 16 now. But our 13 year old boy would probably burn down the house the second we let him on the loose. So it really depends on the kid.

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roxannegrant@reddit

When I was 17 I had a job, car and an apartment...so I was on my own, basically an adult.

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Addapost@reddit

I did. No organized sports or such. He was always outside playing in the woods. Whenever he was inside he was building Legos and stuff like that.

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Electronic-Nail5210@reddit

I remember when my daughter was in upper elementary, maybe 5-6th grade and her school group went to six flags in St Louis (we live in West Tennessee). Chartered bus, lots of chaperones etc. My friends and coworkers all said "you let her go alone?!?" I'm like, she's not alone! LoL Now she's 19 and has traveled to DC and Mexico without me (but not alone lol)

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CompleteService8593@reddit

Cool. I was driving to rock concerts at 16 in Cleveland and Pittsburgh, so we’re all of my friends. Then again it was the early 80’s…

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ChavoDemierda@reddit

Yes. We never lied or tried to "church" up anything they were curious about. We respected their intelligence. What really made them mad was the inability to rebel against parents who trusted their intelligence. We knew they were going to do dumb stuff, all kids do. I also knew that there was next to nothing they could do that was worse than the things I got wrapped up in as a teenager into my 20's (I have friends who have been convicted of murder, among other things). The only thing I require from them is communication. Other than that I tell them, It's your ship I'm just the wind. You can let your sails down and let me guide you, or you can go for it on your own. Either way, I will always be there. Even if they can't see me.

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Amissa@reddit

My sister liked to drink beer and party in high school. When she got to college, all the freshmen wanted to go drink beer and party, but she was tired of it. She thought “that’s so high school.” LOL

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ChavoDemierda@reddit

Yup. My daughter's friends still like to go to house parties, she hates them. She doesn't want to be around "kids" while they're drinking.

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Complex_Yam_5390@reddit

I would love to let my 19-year-old have an independent life, but she has a 75 IQ and little situational awareness so that's not in the cards.

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KrofftSurvivor@reddit

I find it interesting that a lot of comments are about their teenagers' choices - and that's fair because you're mentioning your teenager, but... But... before they were teenagers that prefer to stay home - did they have any unsupervised free range time at 8, or 11, or even 13? Like, did they get a chance to grow those independence muscles?

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HeightLatter6800@reddit

I have a 20 year old and almost 18 year old. Both have licenses, car and jobs as well as active social lives. I trust them to make good choices and they generally do. They’re young adults at this point-both are good students and follow house rules. They understand that with independence comes responsibility because we have had those conversations from a young age.

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destiny_kane48@reddit

My 11 year old is AUDHD. And a chicken. So no.

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nashpunk@reddit

This would have been my every weekend in the late 90s. Once I turned 16 I had very little oversight. Had the same parameters as most kids in my area. Screw up and the consequences were severe. Grades drop, limited freedom. I live in a much bigger city now so my kids will basically have similar parameters but will definitely have a curfew and better lines of communication.

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MyNameIsTaken24@reddit

None of my kids wanted to be free range. They were and still are homebodies.

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futurestorms@reddit

Parent of a 14 year old daughter. Yes, we do. We ask that she uses the buddy system when she's out and about. We've dropped her and friends off at the mall or movies as well. With a check in here and there before a set pickup time. She has also started dating. Which we allow her to do on her terms. (At home though, the bedroom door stays open, and no sleep overs.) I'm not going to be the dad that interferes with her personal choices on that level, outside of it being harmful or abusive. Her first and second girlfriends were ok. But she just met this nice boy and they've hit it off real well. He even walks her all the way home, and waits until she's inside to walk away.

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kibblet@reddit

Yes I did.

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FrostnJack@reddit

Being quasi freerangers in a very uptight “upscale” area, we had lots of interaction with LEAs. Kids were criminalized since the turn of the century. We sacrificed some important things to afford an atty on retainer for our autistic son. Frankly, it was kinda hell. OTOH when they adulted/went to college, they didn’t go wild like other kids, who’d been raised in repressive yet monied fams. They knew the boundaries, rules and had experience with things.

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Infamous_Hyena_8882@reddit

I have no kids. I have a dog. But I remember when I was a kid growing up and my mom was like “don’t come back inside until the street lights come on”. When I was a teenager, I got a job and I don’t know. I guess I was pretty boring. My parents trusted me quite a bit. Now today, my sister has a daughter that is 17 and she’s a bit of a helicopter parent. I guess people would call that, but I think parents watch their kids like hawks nowadays.

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Fenestration_Theory@reddit

I have told my kid to go outside and get in some kind of trouble. Find an abandoned house and throw rocks at it. Go Knock on the neighbors door and run away. Nothing, just video games and internet.

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Spardan80@reddit

During COVID, yes. It was the absolute best time ever and I’m so thankful my daughter got one summer like that. We live in a neighborhood that is just outside of town, we have 5 connected neighborhoods with over 5 miles of paved off road pedestrian and bicycle trails. Our house is near the end of the cul-de-sac and all of the neighbors knew that the cul-de-sac was the kickball stadium. To the point that neighbors with infants and those empty nesters would bring chairs out and watch the elementary/ middle school kickball game every Friday and Saturday night. There would be 15-20 players. The parents were least likely to watch. That same group of kids had a car wash that summer and we even had a big fireworks display that the kids coordinated. During the day (after school was reduced to like an hour a day of e-learning), the kids would come over and hang out in my back yard and watch movies. We coordinated with all the other kids parents and had an emergency text string (eg if someone was exposed to COVID in the early lock down phase). We almost never used it and the kids were required to be home right after sunset (they love to go to the lake and take photos of the sunset from one of the pedestrian bridges). I’m so thankful my daughter who was in 4th going into 5th had one completely carefree summer. That is how my summers were and hate how that is not the norm now. Even as a Sophomore still has contact with most of those kids, even though many moved away. She looks at pictures from COVID with an admiration that life was actually like that for one summer.

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Potential_Stomach_10@reddit

Our daughter was free-range until she was about 13. And she turned into a boring old person like her mother and I. When she comes home for breaks she may be will visit a friend or two and it's back home into the office or on the couch and reading. When she was younger we could keep her in the house. We started giving her bigger and bigger boundaries from when she was little till she was about 10 or 11 and then just let her rip

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meat_sack@reddit

Let's put it this way, I know exactly where 1 is right now... and only because he's lounging around watching a movie because it's cold and wet outside. I'm pretty sure two others are together in NYC for lunch and shopping before heading back to school... and I think the fourth is doing indoor rock climbing or something with her boyfriend before they both go back to their respective schools.

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Quirky-Spirit-5498@reddit

My oldest was very responsible and I was single and working way more hours than I should've been required to. So yes, she got a lot of free reign. My youngest was on the spectrum, but wasn't diagnosed til 17, they got less free reign but also didn't want as much free reign. However they were allowed to meet up with online friends to go to anime conventions and stuff. (Parents and I talked and had met and visited at some point) In fact their current partner is one of those online friends, and another is a roommate they live with. Not dependent on me. I encouraged both of my kids to be independent and self reliant within the scope of their own abilities. To be honest I was told by parents of their peers I was too lax or they were too mature for their age or some other crap like that. At 20 they were more well adjusted than their peers who went off to college and jumped off the deep end with partying and sex, etc. It's almost like if you don't let your kids freedom to find themselves as teens then they don't know how to handle themselves as adults. 🤔 I do believe there is a balance that needs to be struck though. Some kids are naturally more impulsive than others and so find themselves in more trouble when granted freedom. Know your kid and trust your gut. Lol

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simulated_copy@reddit

No way grankid perspective for me- but noway my grandkids could run theough yards and hop fences like we used to do. People are scary nowadays

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Physical-Flatworm454@reddit

Would have appreciated this when I was a kid. I was late home once by ten minutes and my dad locked me out of the house. My parents never trusted me because they thought I would be just like them when they were young (which I did nothing to give them that impression). Jokes on them though…they’d threaten that they’d kick me out if I ever got pregnant (because they did with me very young) but I never even had kids (reached menopause earlier this year). They thought threats were the way to parent..such bs.

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RespondDesperate6332@reddit

Me in 1983: mom I’m going to the Super Bowl My mom: ok be careful

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Mr_senor_@reddit

Nah you're not alone. My wife (40) and I (46) give our 16 yr old daughter pretty free reign for two reasons: If you're going yo learn hard lessons now is the time to do it when you have a built in support system at home, and two she hasn't betrayed the trust she has earned. Has she screwed up a couple of times? Sure, but so did we at her age. It also help we live in a pretty small town where there is a sort of expanded support system

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Disastrous-Eye4387@reddit

Good for you we're having raised a responsible child that you can trust to make his own adult situations. That's how I grew.

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killslikeaninja@reddit

I gave my kids as much freedom as they earned and they didn’t disappoint me. There were a couple who differences from my childhood. 1st I made them wear helmets when riding a bike 😂and 2nd their level of freedom was dictated by their grades.

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Colibri918@reddit

Mine are all grown, but they all had some autonomy as teens. To be completely honest I was super lucky because I was a single parent mostly working nights, so they had responsibility other kids might not and they had freedoms other kids might not. None ever came home drunk, high, or pregnant. They're all good humans, productive members of society.

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Cmorethecat@reddit

Yes, I did. They're both independent functioning adults now.

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Sitcom_kid@reddit

Not all of us had it. Why did everybody else get to do what they wanted?

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DanielDannyc12@reddit

Hey that's great! Seems like every 17 year old these days is a non driving basket case.

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Gingorthedestroyer@reddit

My son is 12 and I have untethered him to go and adventure. The things I did at twelve he would never do. We used to ride our bmx bikes across the blue water bridge, aquire fireworks and smuggle them back to Canada in our pants. He just wants to go to the store and hang out in the park.

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Cereal____Killer@reddit

I do with my kids, but use a location sharing solution so I know where they are at all times, so it’s a little bit of a hack. My parents were much stricter with me… but in truth, I could have been dead in a ditch and they wouldn’t know something was wrong until the morning if they didn’t give me a curfew

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happycj@reddit

This thread is giving me hope. Wife and I have no kids and are fearing for … well, everything.

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vagabondoer@reddit

Yep my 16yo has been gone for a couple of days with his friends. It sounds fun.

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TexasBurgandy@reddit

My 19 yr old has always told me all the dirt happening at the parties and my one constant question is “if there is going to be drinking has a designated driver been picked yet?” Sometimes I got “no drinking “ and sometimes it was “yes, it’s me” Now I hear about college stuff and it’s still very tame. The only time I ever put my foot down was a road trip in a nasty blizzard and my desert kid had never driven in a light snow, much less that bullshit. “That car is in my name and will not be driven, someone else will have to volunteer their car”

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CromulentPoint@reddit

My daughter has had more freedom than I did. Everybody talks like our generation was raised by wolves. Did none of you folks have strict-ass parents like I did?

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phunkygroovin@reddit

No, because I was down right neglected. But I do try to encourage my kid to be independent and he refuses. He is a preteen so I get it, but he has never been one to stray far from me or his home. He absolutely hates being alone. At his age, I was left alone all the time to fend for myself. It's hard for my brain to wrap around the fact that he is probably more developmentally appropriate than I was.

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One-girl-circus@reddit

Yes! My youngest is in university in the uk (we’re from the us) and my daughter is a postal carrier and both of them had a lot of freedom (still do). I credit that trust and freedom (plus accountability) a main reason why they are still happy to spend time with me and are trustworthy adults now.

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Baymavision@reddit

My daughter? Yes. She's 14, aware of her surroundings, knows her directions, the streets, the mass transit, has a phone, is trustworthy, everything you need to make that successful. My son? No. Yes, he's only 11, but he's such a scatter brain, never aware of his surroundings, will ask when we're a couple of blocks from home on a route we've taken countless times, "How much longer till we're home?" He's practically willfully ignorant of the world outside his brain. And this is an improvement. Some day he'll have to venture out on his own somewhere and that'll be an adventurous day.

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Weak_Credit_3607@reddit

If I had a son or sons yes, I would. However, I only had girls. Everyone is listed as a predator in my eyes. I trust no one ever

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muppet_ofa@reddit

No you get arrested for it now

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Ice_princess50@reddit

My son is 27 now, but he was involved in traveling sports when he was younger through high school, so he/we were always traveling somewhere, and when he was old enough to drive and go on his own, I had the life 360 as well, but his curfew was midnite on the weekends and 10 on the weekdays. He also worked, so there was a lot of times if we weren’t traveling he was home cause he was exhausted from being young!!! lol! He tells me all the time now how he missed out on so many girls cause he had to be home by midnight!!! Don’t care, my priority was to keep him safe.

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juliaskankles@reddit

I fear I over-parent, because I was so under-parented. Constantly trying to advise them to save them from my mistakes.

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GallopingFree@reddit

My kid is 12. She lives a similar life to the one I lived back in the 80’s. She walks places. She rides her bike and her horse places. She doesn’t have a cell phone - she’s just expected to show up at a certain place and time after school to meet me. We talk about making good decisions and until she proves otherwise to me, I will continue to trust her. She knows I value her intelligence and ability to problem solve on her own. She’s building resilience and critical thinking skills.

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lonomatik@reddit

Yeah, we let both of them roam (M20 & F18) and they’ve made good decisions. My son has even traveled to Japan and back with friends. I couldn’t imagine doing that at 19!

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smithe68@reddit

When my kids were teenagers (they are now 31, 32 and 33) they had a lot of freedom, they did concerts, road trips and other things. Sometimes together and/or with their friends. Semi related, I am so glad my ex and I had kids young (I was 26 and she was 23 when our youngest was born) and close together, they always had each other to hang out with if no friends were available.

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raymondspogo@reddit

It's always a case by case scenario. I trust my children, so I don't worry when they are roaming.

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Ok_Schedule5017@reddit

Our 17 year old is the youngest of 4. At this point, let us know where you’re going and expected time home. With the standard set of rules of not adding or subtracting the population, and other things.

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Professional_Bat342@reddit

Yes. I didn’t want him glued to a screen. He was pretty free range and now he is in his upper 20s and is an independent self-sufficient man. It surprised me how many of the kids in the neighborhood never went outside. How do they learn to be an adult?

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Electrical_Beyond998@reddit

My 17 year old sneaks out at night and roams the streets around 3am. He’s been brought home by our small town cops a few times. My 12 year old is very free range. I’m home right now and not sure if she is or not. We live in a cul de sac in a town of around 4,000, and there are 19 kids in our cul de sac alone. No one gets away with anything here, they’re all tattletales. Fine with me though.

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buttplugpeddler@reddit

Yes. Both my kids are a couple credits from Bachelor degrees at least. Good foundation. They will be fine and it's OK to let out a little line IMHO

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frank_the_tanq@reddit

Yep.

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SurviveStyleFivePlus@reddit

Sounds like me in the 80s, but your son sounds much more responsible than I was.

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Even_Evidence2087@reddit

Yes

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Jenshark86@reddit

I never gave my teenage son a curfew. He was in college and went out and if he planned to stay over somewhere he just texted me. I trusted him and he was a good kid and had good friends. Often his friends would hang out in basement with him and stay the night since I didn’t want them driving.

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Starkville@reddit

Yes. They grew up/are growing up in Manhattan, and only my eldest took advantage of it. Middle kid doesn’t go anywhere when she’s home from college. They’re girls, though, so I’m a little more concerned about their safety, taking the subway alone at night, etc.

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FabricArsonist@reddit

My 14 year old roams the woods by herself. I own the woods, so she has to really work to get off the property. Usually, she is with the chickens, ducks, or turkeys. And since those fowls like her, I often wake up to a porch of escape artists making noise for her. Otherwise, I don't think she wants to go anywhere by herself.

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perhaps_too_emphatic@reddit

Absolutely. We tell our kids that their behavior determines the size of their container. Our 15 year old has a huge container. Our 13 yo doesn’t lol. They both get to bike wherever and take public transit (free in our city). As long as they check in and continue to make good choices. They’re both liars, but as long as they’re lying about dumb shit like brushing their teeth, whatever. Take serious stuff seriously and we’re good.

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Small_Dog_8699@reddit

Yeah but they dont take it.

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pacododo@reddit

We have a 15 and a 17 year old. While they have a lot of freedom, they are definitely not given free range. The older one, my son, is Black. Not willing to argue this point, but his experience walking through this world as a Black male is different, and we are more protective. Our daughter, 15, is Hispanic and a young lady. We are protective for other reasons. My husband grew up very free range, might be described as neglect today. I always had my mom at home and had freedom, but not free range.

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Ok-Emotion-6083@reddit

Maybe not quite as much as I had (I had divorced, self involved parents) but as much as they want. Our 17 yo son hangs out a lot with friends, they often go exploring or hiking in our area. Our 13 yo daughter will be gone half or whole days in the summer riding bikes and hanging out with friends, stopping in occasionally for snacks or water.

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FullyRisenPhoenix@reddit

I’m allowing my almost 16 year old son more freedom than most of his friends have. He is a responsible and smart kid, and he has never once been in any kind of trouble, so I feel he has earned a certain level of trust. I took him to a concert in a large venue, and while I also went to the show, I let him sit far away with his friends while I sat with his younger brother. He had a great time, didn’t feel spied on or suffocated, and I felt more confident about letting him have more freedoms because his behavior that night proved that he was capable of handling himself in a large crowd without causing any disruption. Kids have to learn the value of being respectful at some point, and I’d rather ease him into his independence than just chuck him out at 18.

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Criseyde2112@reddit

My son is 16 and an only child. He's pretty much free-range, but still feeling out how he wants to approach life. Fortunately he's a pretty cautious kid, and he's been spending more time just hanging out in the band hall after practice and doing the IHOP after football games thing. He's in this collegiate program that has him taking his high school credits as college courses at the local junior college, and he is absolutely loving the removal of the high school structure and restrictions. He has a midnight curfew (it's the state limit for driving at his age anyway) on Fridays and Saturdays, and we expect to be told where he is. So far, so good, I guess. This approach didn't work for a friend of mine; she got the call from the police when they stopped her kid (same age) earlier this semester and he had weed on him. Ugh.

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droberts7357@reddit

They're both adults now but my main motto was try not to die as they left

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NaturGirl@reddit

Same!

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sumostuff@reddit

Yeah my 14 year old daughter wanders around with her friends a lot. I try to trust her but ask to know who she's with and have most of her friends phone numbers just in case. I give her a lot of freedom and she's probably doing some things I don't approve of but I did the same. She's one of those kids who doesn't listen and has to make the mistakes herself instead of listening to wisdom from her elders.

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KaleScared4667@reddit

He’s 17 - he’s an adult in less than 1 year. This is exactly how I parent. The goal is a self sufficient adult. My kids have same life I did but with phones

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bionicbhangra@reddit

No. We spend a lot of our free time with our kids doing something. I actually go to the gym and go running with my son. Life is very different now in a lot of ways. I don't know what is a better system though because me and my closest friends turned out fine being left along all the time.

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littlefire_2004@reddit

Absolutely. And as adults now they see the difference in decision-making skills. Their friends that were monitored 24/7 do stupid things that now have serious consequences that wouldn't have life long legal impacts had they done it as a dumb kid.

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Embarrassed_Wrap8421@reddit

Well, my son is 40, so I guess the answer is “yes.”

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Voodoo330@reddit

Yes. When my son went out at that age I asked where he was going and he said "just track me on your phone". It's nice to at least know where they are, even if you don't know what they're doing.

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NaturGirl@reddit

My firstborn has medical, physical, and neurodevelopmental disabilities. So, no... not for them. However, my 2nd child is able-bodied, and we've always given them as much freedom as they want. We don't "force" it like a lot of our parents did, but we never held them back. They walked several blocks, on their own, to friends houses as soon as they had friends from school that they could understand where they lived (school busses etc.) They walked ahead by as much as they wanted for trick-or-treating as long as they were comfortable doing so. We didn't stick around for new playdates like we noticed a lot of other kids' parents doing. They have never had interest in outdoorsy activities like my husband and I always were, so they never really went off on backpacking trips with friends or things like that that we did as teenagers... but we for sure would have let them. Especially since it is so much easier to stay in-touch in case of emergencies now with cell phones. I've also never gotten involved with any of their school work or activities unless they specifically asked for my help or presence. I think my being allowed to be so independent from such a young age was extremely helpful. It has always been important to me to try my best to give them the same advantage. However, while I might have felt a bit neglected at times, I DO make a big effort to make sure my kids at least feel supported and know we'd drop anything to help them if they need it, and will always be here to talk (and be open and honest with them.)

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SarniaMom@reddit

My teen has my trust until he decides to blow that bridge up.

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FlippingPossum@reddit

My kids are 19 and 22. I never tracked them. They could roam around our neighborhood and the one next door as long as they had a buddy. My oldest lost bike privileges for a while after darting in front of a neighbor's car. I knew where they were at when they were younger. By the time they could drive, I figured they earned their freedom.

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KyOatey@reddit

We wanted (when they were teens) to know where they're going, who they'll be with, and to be updated if their plans change. We also had them let us know when they got home, or if they decided to stay the night somewhere. Also, if they were unsafe to drive, we were always available to pick them up for a safe ride home. Some of this wasn't possible when we were teens, without cell phones. I feel like we hit a good balance between giving them freedom and being too protective.

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gotchafaint@reddit

My kids were very feral in their youth and there was only one other family in our semi-rural neighborhood that also had feral kids. We all have such good memories of the many adventures they had, including neighbors threatening to call CPS because they weren’t inside dutifully watching tv. They both have a good head on their shoulders now because they had practice exercising independence and free will.

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CapEmDee@reddit

The difference is I know where my son is (or at least where his phone is, but he's never without it). My parents never knew where the hell I was.

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llclift@reddit

We live in a small town. They were free to roam. Only 1 call from the police for an offense that was solved with a discussion about the behavior. They are now very independent adults.

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legal_bagel@reddit

My kid is 17 too and I would give him more leeway if he had ever demonstrated solid decision making and I'm kinda scared at his current inability to adult without oversight. What is particularly frustrating is that he is now older than I was when I got pregnant with his older brother and married and moved out. Like I still wonder how I got to be the adult in charge but also have been basically on my own since I was 15yo.

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Scrappyl77@reddit

Yup. As does every parent in my neighborhood. It's pouring where I am and both my kids are out and about.

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Expensive_Resident14@reddit

Yes we did. Our children are 25 and 22. They went outside in the neighborhood unsupervised and I have no regrets in the 2000’s. They problem solve, know how to speak to people, develop their own opinions and choices. They made mistakes in the past and had to fix it. They make mistakes now and have to process the outcomes. We are here to support and make sure they have a foundation of empathy and awareness. I don’t understand parents of today. I see the kids on devices, not reading, not interacting with their family, isolated. Kids need connection to other humans including their parent in many cases.

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North_Artichoke_6721@reddit

Mine is allowed to go around the neighborhood, there are a couple other kids his age, but he prefers to sit at home and watch TV. Any suggestions that he do something else are met with whines, eye rolls, and heavy sighs. I keep trying but it’s hard to get him to do anything.

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TravelerMSY@reddit

Just based on my niece and nephew, it would be a miracle if they ever left the house.

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Curious_Dot3635@reddit

I did whatever I wanted at 17. My older sister did everything you could think of and I was the good kid so pretty much did whatever I wanted and no one noticed

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Ornery_Old_Man@reddit

It's not an issue for me anymore as my kids are 23 and 30 now (yeah, I'm old) but when they were young I ENCOURAGED them to go out with their friends unsupervised. I wanted them to have the same sort of experiences I had growing up. They were free-range kids. By 18 my eldest daughter was confident enough to move into an apartment in a different city with a girlfriend while they went to school.

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AnnualNectarine8089@reddit

I told my kids that if they want to be an adult, then be an adult. Being an adult means getting a job and paying for their own things. All three of them have worked hard to build their own careers and family's.

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vase-of-willows@reddit

I was s’as laissez-faire as possible in this society, because I think and know that free-range children build resilience, social skills, intuition, and are better adapted all the way around.

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rgbkng@reddit

We gave our boys all the freedom that could handle. The rule was follow the house rules and there will be no consequences. Once you break the rules then you will find out what happens.

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QuietBirdsong@reddit

Yep. I have two boys, 13 and 15. The 13 year old is still pretty immature and needs a lot of help, but I swear my 15 year old was born middle aged and curmudgeonly. He has a lot of freedom to just roam (too young for a car, but he'll happily walk or take the bus/train places). He'll go hiking with a friend of his, and will sometimes just take himself off for a walk to clear his head (we live in a village in semi-rural SW Scotland, so nice and peaceful. If you walk up the hill behind us you get lovely views over the city and up to Ben Lomond. When I was the same age as my youngest (and my brother was the same age as my oldest) my mother would let my brother take me to metal concerts in town. I'm not sure I'd let them do that yet, but I hope they'll get some of that freedom.

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SpankyDammit@reddit

We both worked so she had free rein to a point (I picked up someone else’s game save so I deferred to her mother and backed her up) once she was a teen. She’s a great kid, loads of common sense and out on her own, doing quite well, making more than I do. My wife and I are both proud of her.

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Forking_Shirtballs@reddit

I'm confused -- are you giving your kids the "unsupervised .. time we had", or was it that you "never did anything quite like that"? And are you alone on an island, or are your kids' buddies parents taking the same approach as you?

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No_Character_4443@reddit

Yes, I give mine significant freedom. My 16 year-old daughter did a solo climb of a mountain last week and loved it (most of the day out on the trails). My son (19) drove to California (3000 mile road trip) for a week last summer with friends. He does road trips almost every weekend. Daughter spent 6 weeks in Spain last summer and I never initiated communication with her (told her before she left she could contact me as much as she wanted, but I wanted her to be in control of it), so she could have as much freedom as she wanted. They've always had a lot of freedom from me. Their mother is a helicopter parent though, and it drives them nuts (we're divorced).

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Status_Iron_3706@reddit

All I ask is they tell me when they’re coming back.

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tc_cad@reddit

I try, but home is way too comfortable so they just tend to stay home. I expect it’ll change in their teenage years. I was talking wife my wife the other day about how we have to pay for lunchtime supervision for our youngest kid. Our parents never had to pay for us, because the expectation was that we’d go home for lunch but really, no one cared to see if that was true or not. I went home, ate lunch fast and went back to the school to play soccer with my friends before we went back to class. My Mom let me go, the school was ok, but no one actually watched us.

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ithinkiknowstuphph@reddit

Kind of. But he doesn’t want it as much. He loves hanging with friends and all doing whatever but he’s blown away by all the stuff I said we used to do (goof around on construction sites in the middle of the night, climb old bridges, break into abandoned buildings, play capture the flag downtown with the only rule of don’t do anything illegal). So basically he does his own thing but doesn’t do stuff as stupid as I did. Stupid but fun

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Reader47b@reddit

I allowed mine to go where they wanted and do what ht they wanted, but, to be fair, they pretty much never went anywhere except work and school and maybe a movie or the mall or out for fast food with a friend. They were always home by about 10 pm by choice, except one when he was working closing shift and home at midnight.

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Unending-Flexionator@reddit

I'm so controlling... I never had kids. TOTAL control.

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