Cell phones on the turkey table
Posted by -lousyd@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 65 comments
This post isn't about Gen X particularly, but we had family in from various places last night for Thanksgiving dinner. We had four older people, me (Gen X), two millennials, and a Gen Zedder. And wouldn't you know it, at dinner it was the older people, the Boomers, who had their phones out.
Three of them, anyway. If they weren't "looking something up" they had their phones sitting on the table next to their dinner plates, ready to go. One of the young people is on her phone a lot, but not at the dinner.
I'm sure it's not that way at every dinner table, but the contrast at mine last night was remarkable.
TaxTraditional7847@reddit
This summer my dad wrecked his truck because his phone rang while he was driving and he felt he needed to answer it. His new truck is more modern and has the bluetooth connection, but I don't think that's going to be any better. Distracted driving is distracted driving. I think the Boomers and some Xers are worse at this phone thing than the Youngs.
denbolula@reddit
Totally illegal here in the UK, he wouldn't have got a new vehicle on insurance and might have lost his license.
Kindly-Might-1879@reddit
I really hope you’re not like the 18-year-old I heard on the radio who said young people are better at texting and driving because they grew up with smartphones.
Shopworn_Soul@reddit
I can answer my phone without even taking my hands off the wheel but I absolutely refuse. My family knows that if I am in transit, don't bother calling or texting.
TheRealBlueJade@reddit
No one is good at driving while talking on the phone.
someguymark@reddit
No one is good driving, when having to navigate touch-screen infotainment tablets/monitors either.
It’s just a different type of distraction, but just as distracting as phone usage. Eyes and brain engaged in driving? Pfft.🤷♂️
rednuts67@reddit
I too think our generation is worse about this than the younger ones. I remember being shocked when my now 23 year old was in HS and he told me when his friends all went to Denny’s (don’t judge) they had to put their phones in the middle of the table and no one was allowed to touch them. I think it’s because having conversations in person is more of a novel thing for them and the phones are still kind of a novel thing for us, even though we’ve had smart phones for 20 years.
PSN_ONER@reddit
There are some small movements among younger people to do things without their phone.
rodeler@reddit
Rule at my house is: no politics, no religion, and no phones at the dinner table.
svennew@reddit
The edict I enacted this year at Thanksgiving was "no talking about anyone's health". My parents, my wife's parents and worst of all, my wife (mostly shaming others for not doing what she feels would be best to prolong their lives) have been massive points of anxiety for me. My wife (who lives a low carb/yoga instructor life) is an asshole when it comes to this stuff and my father (who is diabetic) is stubborn and vocal in opposition. I don't need the grief from either of them. So cut that shit out.
RickLeeTaker@reddit
"I gotta tell ya, my urologist says my prostate is the size of a grapefruit. I piss like every 10 minutes at night and it mostly just dribbles on the floor."
-My father-in-law at Thanksgiving dinner
Junior_Statement_262@reddit
honestly the annoying wife sounds worse than the stubborn father. You have my condolences. Lol
Infamous_Hyena_8882@reddit
That was always the rule in our house growing up, but cell phones didn’t exist either. But it was absolutely no religion and no politics.
Kpop_shot@reddit
Same here, and if the landline rang it wasn’t answered during dinner! They’ll call back or they won’t.
stefanica@reddit
Well, we did answer on holidays because usually it was a (physically) distant relative.
gravitydefiant@reddit
Not the point, but I'm trying to figure out who is both celebrating Thanksgiving this weekend and referring to the last letter of the alphabet as zed?
-lousyd@reddit (OP)
Oh. That's just weird me. In my mind I hear "zed" when I read the letter Z like that. I dunno why. I'm American.
zeldasusername@reddit
Aussie !
Several_Bass2436@reddit
I grant you honourary Canadian citizenship. Damn auto-correct wants to drop that ‘u’- I had to go back and add it in!
Nicodemus888@reddit
Well now you’re just gonna love finding out that honorary is the correct spelling across the board.
mazopheliac@reddit
Canadian mind tricks
mushy-shart-walk@reddit
Zeds dead
DontTrustAnAtom@reddit
Gen Zedder sounds better than Gen Zeer anyway, I hereby adopt it, too! I am American of Scottish descent living in the desert :)
Ahkhira@reddit
Anyone of French-Canadian decent.
gravitydefiant@reddit
Canadian Thanksgiving was a month and a half ago.
Ahkhira@reddit
Yes. I'm not Canadian, but I was raised by my very Canadian grandparents who moved the family to Maine, and later Massachusetts.
I still say some things that people find weird.
ratsocks@reddit
I only see my parents (mid 70s) once or twice a year and they are glued to their phones the entire time. It’s depressing to see. Those games like candy crush (and others) got them completely addicted.
Chrissygirl1978@reddit
Lol I have a rule at my house, no fucking cell phones out during dinner.
I dont give a shit if you want to look something up. Everyone is more than welcome to leave the table when they are done if they can't stand to be without their precious fucking phone for an extra 10-15 while others finish.
I'm Gen-X on the millennial cusp... Most of my boomers have already passed away but my uncle that's left and my cousins and such know the rule.
My sister is the absolute worst and she's only 6 months younger than me...
WalterSobkowich@reddit
My god, don’t you remember the boomers when they got their hands on blackberries twenty years ago?!
full_bl33d@reddit
My in laws are boomers and they are glued to their phones. My MIL believes the posts she reads aloud have life saving properties and had to be resuscitated when I politely told her I’d rather not have her phone shoved in my face at any time. Shocked! Her phone is definitely next to her plate and she’ll wave it around without provocation to show us photos like her screen produces fire and we’re all freezing cavemen. It’s bizarre but that’s on the low end of insane shit she does. I have young kids and the only thing that’s slowed her down is saying we don’t watch videos when eating and generally care about screen time otherwise her idea of spending time together would be reciting texts and comments she’s received aloud
ZetaWMo4@reddit
It was switched in my family. At the old folks table there wasn’t a phone in sight. At the grandkids tables I saw a couple of phones out.
MetallicaGirl73@reddit
I sat with my niblings at the "kids" table (the youngest is 19) and we all messed around on our phones. I definitely I am on my phone more than any of them.
omgkelwtf@reddit
We had two friends join us for Thanksgiving. We all left our phones in the living room. No discussion, we just did.
someguythatiknow@reddit
My boomer sister (there’s a large gap) was so bad about her phone during dinners and gatherings that the whole family yelled at her. Now she thinks we don’t notice when she puts it on her lap.
TravelerMSY@reddit
First person to get theirs out has to do all the dishes.
Dxbr72@reddit
DadofJM@reddit
I barely made it in a movie theater today without checking my phone for an hour so I should not perhaps not opine. BUT . . .
For holiday gatherings, or even just a multi-guest meal, no phones on the table. Ever. When we host stuff, there is at least a two hour window when everyone stays at the table and enjoys the food and company.
After that is understood that bathroom breaks most likely include a cell phone visit.
Loud_Ad_4515@reddit
We took pics of us at the table, then put phones away.
marugirl@reddit
My boomer best friend was late to the cellphone party and now shes making up for it. She will use it while driving, which really pisses me off, especially when im in the car with her. When we are together her phone is always number 1 in the conversation. Doesn't matter what we are talking about if her phone goes off she answers it even if one of us is halfway through a sentence. And if it doesn't go off shes checking it anyway in case she didn't hear it go off. Ive gotten to the point where I just stop talking when she picks up her phone, half the time she doesn't even notice, and once she's done checking the phone she will start a new conversation, regardless of how far along the last one was, or how important it may have been. So over it. Been happening for a few years now and she doesn't seem to realise Ive stopped talking about anything important to her now. Honestly I feel like I've lost my best friend to a fucking phone.
Freckled-Vampire@reddit
I relate to this comment so deeply. One of my boomer friends didn’t want a cell phone forever. Then all of a sudden she did and now cannot be without it or ignore any call or text (ironically she’s on my family plan). Doesn’t matter the circumstance, when we are together, she will not ignore it. I did decide I was sick of it and last time she was here it rang and it was her sister. Not an emergency whatsoever and she proceeded to have a full conversation. I walked away and started putting away laundry. Then when she hung up, she starts calling for me and I ignored her and let her come find me. She was all agitated and surprised I walked away. I said “well you were busy so I found something to do” then asks “are you mad at me?” I very snarky said “no!” But chickened out before telling her she’s rude to always prioritize her phone over whoever she is with and decided to keep the peace for now as she’s my dog sitter. With any luck maybe she’ll think about it (doubtful).
When I looked around several times at thanksgiving, absolutely everybody was buried in their phone. Disheartening. I kept mine in my purse on silent. I guess modeling good behavior is useless in this circumstance. People are who they are and will rarely change.
Another boomer friend is the same way. Will answer no matter what.
But my bff is even worse. She literally has her face in her phone 99% of the time unless it’s charging. I don’t know how to bring it up but I’m at the point I feel it’s useless to hang out at either of our houses or in public. Just makes me sad and pisses me off. I’ll never be more important than that fucking phone. Her family is sick of it, too.
Immediate-Echo-8863@reddit
My rule is dinner time at the dinner table is about family. As long as your phone isn't beeping and booping, you're allowed to have it to check the occasional notification. You can send a cheeky quick text. But if you're going to ignore the family at family time, you can go eat dinner on the porch in the cold. You are not going to upset my meal. Bottom line. I respect you enough to allow you to have your devices at the table, then you should respect me and not let me see you staring into the bloody things or hearing it chirp away. And my family is cool with it. No one had ever had to eat on the porch. Thank goodness.
I was visiting my sister and her kids were watching videos at dinner time. I said, "no devices at the table!" and I acted all mad joking around, and I told them I was joking. The youngest looked up at me with her big brown eyes, and said, "Uncle Joey, we can have devices at the table some of the time."
Having devices at the table is something I really never did as a kid. I didn't even think about bringing my toys to the table. I just waited until we were finished eating. My family was reasonable about it. As long as I was good at the table, I could leave early without being dismissed.
PretzelsRule23@reddit
I'm 60, first year of GenX - Only phones I saw at Thanksgiving dinner were for taking pics of the kids.
Is that ok?
Wakeful-dreamer@reddit
It's ok if those pictures of kids aren't being posted all over Facebook for creeps and strangers to see.
jcoigny@reddit
My Android phone sits at the table upside down meaning naturally in do not disturb mode. During dinner I'm not going to check calls texts or instant messages, ftw at that point. I always do this at the diner table as it's courtesy. Don't bother me while I'm eating
NetFu@reddit
It's all about tradition and respect. I have three millennial adult kids and a wife who watches things all day on her smartphone, and I'm an IT guy of 35 years, and no attempts at having any electronics at the Thanksgiving table. We actually had a nice conversation between all of us this year, too. All in all, one of our nicest holidays.
I also started enforcing a fairly strict Sunday Dinner mindset several years ago, just to point out the importance of family even now that we're all adults. Generally everyone is there so we have at least one meal a week facing each other without electronics of any kind.
Only thing I can say about Boomers at any dinner table with their smartphones is they must be the rare Boomer with no respect for other people.
I think a lot of younger people are surprisingly respectful and disciplined today. I mean, hell, most of them drink less than I ever have. My adult kids have never done anything more than taste tested alcohol drinks.
Lateapexer@reddit
This would never happen in an Italian household
learns_the_hard_way@reddit
Got to keep the racist & transphobic Facebook memes at their fingertips
jcstrat@reddit
Hell I can’t find my phone half the time. I have to use my watch to locate it. Then the kids hit me with the “dad’s lost his phone again” look. So anyway, no phones at the table normally, certainly not at thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. We play light music though. Always music in this house.
sedatedforlife@reddit
Funny you said that, at my dinner table there was 10 people and I never saw a phone once. A boomer 2 xennials, 3 zennials, 3 zoomers and a gen alpha/beta (baby).
It’s the height of rudeness to be on your phone at the dinner table. My teenager gave me shit for scheduling HIS haircut at the table at a restaurant at his request. We’ve always had a no phones rule at the table, and I’m so thankful we got ahead of the game when your oldest kids had flip phones and never had to change the rules over the years.
Kiwi_lad_bot@reddit
There's a movement among some young people to move away from SM and towards more interpersonal relationships. After 20 years of SM, there is enough evidence to show it's super harmful and that's not lost on the younger generations.
They also feel abandoned/neglected by the older generations, so they have to do it themselves.
I expect there to be a full-on societal shift away from SM eventually. They're already starting to ban SM to young people in some countries.
tuenthe463@reddit
My boomer mom at the dinner table shouting out "happy thanksgiving"s from people she sees on Facebook saying happy thanksgiving. "Do you remember Scott Kellogg? Sure you do, you were on the same 8th grade basketball team. He says to tell you all 'Happy Thanksgiving.'" a) no he didn't b) why are you Facebook friends with Scott Kellogg? c) when the meal is over you'll complain that all the kids have their faces "in their devices"
MisterSandKing@reddit
Yeah, no phones when eating. When my buds, and I go out, we turn the ringers off, and make a point to not be on our phones. We all have family, and stuff, so I get the fact we need to have them on, but we’re there to hang with each other. At family gatherings, definitely no phones out, it’s rude.
Ahkhira@reddit
Mine is usually on the table because I'm using the timer for the pie in the oven. The oven timer is broken.
SprinklesGood3144@reddit
I would NEVER look at my phone during a get-together with my adult friends. Maybe a quick glance if something needed my attention, but I generally just don't do that. I've got friends who are scrolling on FB or something during social times. I guess it has become an addiction for some people, but it's also this stubborn unwillingness to put the phone away.
Chemical_Tomato_6308@reddit
My mom is a boomer, and she has her phone out ALL the time at the table! Wife and I are GenX and raised our kids "no phones at the table", so they LOVE telling their prim and proper grandma that there's no phones at the table!
Suspicious-Repeat-21@reddit
Yea, had one at our table. You painted the picture perfect. Can’t just be present in the moment. Face always buried in phone, even at T-Giving dinner. It’s frustrating, seems like social is more important than anyone in the moment.
On the other hand, we also know her story and what’s going on in her stage of life. She’s in her 70s, lonely, depressed, lost husband too early to cancer, trying to be part of things, yet feeling out of place, the only older person here, she’s addicted to social media, it’s her entertainment, her connection, her life, her friends, her outlet for using writing skills, she lives in retirement neighborhood 55+, has friends there, but when you live alone it just gets too quiet. We connect with her and visit back/forth often, but there’s a big empty hole, and her always having the feeling of “I don’t fit in”, her perspectives seem to have a negative slant anymore. Medicine is a potential consideration as we know that can make a difference.
It’s very sad, I feel for her, we do everything we can to include her, yet nothing changes.
Really don’t know an answer to that problem. Would love to find something to help her.
feder_online@reddit
I'm the "most connected" in my family; I programmed DND for 2.5 hours and left it on the counter in the other room.
I heard it go off a couple times but, since I programmed ring tones per app, I knew I didn't have to f-ing touch it. My in-laws asked what was that... Discord message, Slack message, text message, but nothing from work so I gave zero shits.
Time with my in-laws is my priority.
Ymisoqt420@reddit
My boomer mil loves to look things up then shove her phone in my face to show me
mazopheliac@reddit
A lot of Boomers are severely addicted to Facebook, and are completely unaware of it . I think younger people know we are hooked but are better at managing it .
I honestly don’t care if everyone is on their phones at dinner . I’d rather not talk anyway , and just airdrop memes and shit to each other . That would probably generate some fun conversations, ironically.
RolledUpCuffs@reddit
There are no phones out at family gatherings over here. Dont get 'em out, don't handle 'em, they don't exist.
Offenders are shamed relentlessly, not that it hardly ever happens.
In other words, if someone got their phone out to look something up, they would damn sure wish they hadn't.
glitteringdreamer@reddit
My boomer dad and silent gen grampa didn't come to the table until the game was over.
eatingganesha@reddit
yeah NO. I would have loudly asked them to put their phones away while eating dinner. That is beyond rude - especially coming from the same people who would lose their shit if the phone rang during dinner time.
the only exception is when your hearing aids are controlled by an app. Mine are. I make sure I have only that app open and turn the phone face down.
ShartlesAndJames@reddit
absolutely not, I never would and will 100% call out anyone who darest around me
Junior_Statement_262@reddit
This tracks. When up at my (GenX) parents (silent gen), homeboy (boomer) is the only one with a phone at the table - in case he needs to "look something up." Haha.
judgeScr@reddit
Yes this ⬆️ It doesn’t matter how old they are- no phones at the table Shame on those folks- they know better