What is the general view of parents who just " hand" their children everything?

Posted by Loose_Avocado4670@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 751 comments

There's a girl whom is in my college course and is of simmilar age to me ( I'm 17, she's 18) and she has had bassicly everything in life handed to her. From 16-17, her parents didn't encourage her to get a job because she didn't need to. They just gave her money and paid for all of her driving lessons. When she passed her test, they paid for her car, insurance, petrol, everything. Her parents/family also have some connections with businesses, so as soon as she turned 18, her parents got her a job in a bar at the snap of their fingers. She didn't need to go on the Job hunt at all. Am I jealous? Absolutely. My mother says that her parents aren't really doing her many favours, as she has no idea what it means to earn something and she will struggle later in life. What are your thoughts?

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missmykidcaniseethem@reddit

i work full time as an apprentice at 18 and pull 30k a yeah yet my parents bought my car, i’m not spoiled, im just middle class, get your money up shit isn’t always just handed to you. and a pub job isn’t exactly a high class job.

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Ellisonde@reddit

😂

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Careful_Ad_238@reddit

Not having a job when you’re 16 is entirely normal, and you’re parents pulling some strings to get a you a bit of bar work isn’t advanced nepotism

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Jhe90@reddit

Especially with how intense exams have got. Exams home works etc are a full timr thing after school alone..

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InspiringGecko@reddit

Reddit always moans about nepotism, but clearly they’ve never had to hire people. It’s always a gamble, but it’s often easier to hire someone that one of the employees knows rather than a total random.

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EnjoysAGoodRead@reddit

I've hired people for the same amount of time and although I have interviewed people who have been recommended by colleagues, I've never ended up hiring them. Not a deliberate choice, but I try my best to treat them exactly the same as someone who hasn'tbeen recommended, and perhaps they feel that given I'm a friendly person I'll give them an easier ride because of who they know. My industry is very competitive. Even when I was hiring junior jobs I remember having 200+ applicants for a single role. We whittle down to a group of excellent candidates, all of whom are well qualified. And it would not be fair to any of them to favour one just because they happen to know someone I know. We have thorough interview processes of usually several rounds of interviews, and then more if we have extra questions to ask or doubts, or need to decide between two or three final candidates. For me it's all about asking the right questions to check the technical ability of the candidate but also understand their character. So far I've only hired great employees. As someone who had to work my way up without the benefit of rich parents, nepotism is something I abhor.

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Janiebug1950@reddit

They can’t help that they are wealthy just like many of us in the majority group can’t help that we are not wealthy!!💰

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geeered@reddit

By worlds standards, we're all doing pretty well. It may have changed since I last worked it out as overall many people in the world are doing better; but what you get on basic unemployed benefits (including housing benefit) when I last checked would put you in the 10% of income of the world.

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sritanona@reddit

thank you for acknowledging it, as an immigrant from south america sometimes I can't believe that people here genuinely think they are not doing well. I never mention it because nothing would be gained of it but lose a bit of respect for people when they complain and I can see that they have all of their needs met. To show how bad the situation was when I grew up, one time we didn't have food, my mum bought groceries with the last money she had, and an even poorer person robbed her on the street to take the bags of groceries because they were also starving. So we didn't have food. I think of that now that I live in the UK and have an Engineer salary and it's wild. Can't even fault the person who robbed her because if you're out there jumping single mothers for bags of groceries you're obviously doing terribly as well. Just bleak.

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West-Cost5511@reddit

So I get it, I do. But something I think it's important to bear in mind is not the absolute metrics, but the fact that the *relative* quality of life in the UK has been getting worse year-on-year for quite a while. Poverty and wealth inequality are becoming bigger and bigger issues. While many historically poor countries have been modernizing and tackling ambitious engineering and social projects, public infrastructure in the UK has been steadily declining, public spending is in the dumps. As a nation, we are dropping in a lot of metrics, outright freefalling in some. What's worse is that we've been in an austerity mindset for long enough at this point that we've actually severely degraded the quality of a lot of systems and expertise that would help us improve again. Most people in the UK are now used to cut services and infrastructure that is decades old, and they don't seriously have any conviction things can get any better. If they hear about any new project by their government or local council, regardless of what it is, then they are more likely to condemn it as a 'waste of time and money' than open their mind to any positive changes it might bring. This creates a self-reinforcing cycle of apathy, stagnation, and conservatism. Things continue to get worse. By the time that things are finally 'bad enough' to be worth your respect, it might be too late turn it around in our lifetimes. I agree that complaining aimlessly about anything and everything is unproductive, but you also can't coast on 'good enough' indefinitely, no matter how slowly the boat is sinking.

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KittyGrewAMoustache@reddit

Well people tend to compare themselves with how things used to be for them or with how things are for others around them it’s just human psychology. I expect if you have a decent life on your salary here and have some kids and then suddenly lose your job and have to go on benefits you would feel the strain, despite having that former reference point. You could tell yourself you know you’re lucky really and how much worse it could be but you’d still be working out how to move to a cheaper house without disrupting your kids schooling too much or feeling the strain from your kids pointing out that they don’t have stuff their friends have and can’t go swimming or to their friends parties because the budget won’t stretch. Washing machine breaking and can’t afford a new one so trying to work out how to wash and dry clothes in a small damp house well enough that they don’t stink and get your kids bullied or a call from social services. It’s just completely different contexts and people can experience a shit time or feel like they’re not doing well in their context even if you plonked them in a different country or a different time period they’d seem well off. It’s like when people bemoan people on benefits having a mobile phone, but phones are now part of the fabric of everything, not having one is almost like being isolated and unable to participate in society. Whereas even 25 years ago it wouldn’t be a necessity. Basically, people experience what they experience relative to previous experiences and the context they live in. Some contexts are generally better than others, like societies with safety nets vs those without. But expecting people to ignore their context and not feel pressure from changing circumstances is a bit myopic. Like even a millionaire trust fund kid losing most of their money and having to move into a bedsit and find a job, on the one hand it’s like well yeah welcome to life but on the other hand you can understand that from their perspective that represents a loss and a pressure that is difficult for them. I don’t know, I just think it’s possible to have empathy for various perspectives without always having to compare everyone’s situation to the absolute worst scenarios you can find worldwide. You could just as well compare us all to billionaire lifestyles globally and pity everyone for having to work to earn money instead of just passively growing it in a bank account.

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JeevestheGinger@reddit

Maslow's hierarchy of needs springs to mind. If you reliably have nutritious food and enough of it, clean water, shelter, appropriate clothing for the climate and enough to be able wash a set, other hygiene products (including for menstruation), and access to first aid and essential medication - you're richer than a large percentage of the global population.

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CabinetOk4838@reddit

Having a decent roof over your head is a pretty good start over many people. And running clean water… . HOT water… wow!

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Air-Flo@reddit

Gratitude? On Reddit? It can't be! How can I possibly show gratitude while my nextdoor neighbour has a Mercedes??

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Silly_Tomatillo6950@reddit

I don't get the hate for the Beckham kids. It was just luck. Why would they go to a bedsit and work in a warehouse

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Altruistic_Law9756@reddit

Exactly! It's not like they can just.. spend that money! Or give it away. Or be taxed. Or.. hold on, I'm starting to think they CAN help it.

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Altruistic_Law9756@reddit

Hiring someone partially on the basis that they were recommended is fine. Hiring someone and paying them 200k/year to sit on their ass because they're the bosses daughter is not.

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Inevitable-Slice-263@reddit

Absolutely! All the attention on the budget and benefits going up. Not that 38% of universal credit claimants are in work. The rich getting richer off the work of the poor. Capitalism at its finest.

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SeaworthinessFar3412@reddit

I think this is very reductive. Wealthy, rich people should pay more taxes on their assets but our welfare system is bloated and will be more so in the future ( Pensions and NHS will rapidly increase ) and already is around what 400 billion pounds. That is so massive. Being a 20 year old, I shriek at what will happen when I'm 65 years old.

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annabiancamaria@reddit

That is just a tax optimisation strategy common with family businesses of all sizes or some exchange of favours. They aren't going to pay a salary to someone doing nothing, so there isn't an actual job to be filled there.

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locklochlackluck@reddit

You do have to be careful though, it's supposed to be arms length otherwise you can get in trouble with HMRC. So you do need to create real jobs with value that the person actually turns up and works at.

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AdaptedMix@reddit

Related: a company I worked for used a 'third-party' advertising agency run by the CEO's son. The advertising agency wasn't particularly good, and we'd have gone with a competitor instead, *but* we couldn't... because it was the CEO's son. So the company paid more, to achieve less.

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Snowey212@reddit

I think this is the line isn't it, recommending someone for a job that's entry level or in the field someone has experience in and still has to interview for, vs being given a job paying silly money without having to show you can do the job and the salary is money well spent by the company. Ive been given a few jobs through word of mouth or knowing someone, but I still had to interview, show good hygiene, work ethics and timekeeping.

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clrthrn@reddit

Same. Also a hiring manager and someone who comes recommended by someone I trust is going to get hired faster than some unknown random, assuming all other things are equal.

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barrybreslau@reddit

The biggest exercise in nepotism is private school. Paying to give your child an advantage. Some people choose not to, but others do. The common denominator of those who do is they have the resources and the money to do it.

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BrushSuccessful5032@reddit

That’s not nepotism

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JeevestheGinger@reddit

Could you explain this, please? As far as I'm aware, nepotism refers to involving familial links to get ahead? I'm in the UK and went to private school until I got my qualifications at 16 (GCSEs, 10 x A*/A). I had further funding but I was too much of a shitstorm of a psychiatric headcase and wound up spending a long time in hospital over multiple admissions (all NHS-funded). Eating disorders are a specialist area of treatment and so in the UK, local areas have treatment contracts with private hospital units that specialise in that area. The idea is that it provides the patient with a better standard of care without costing the area much more than sending to a general NHS unit. The main private contractors for EDs are Cygnet, Huntingdons (I think?), and the one everyone knows - the Priory. My experience personally is with Cygnet, and I was NHS-funded. My point in bringing this up, though, is that during my (lengthy) admissions I met a couple of people who were there privately. In both cases their parents were paying. At the time I think it was about £600/day, though I'm not sure what private health insurance would have covered. I know one of them found the financial element to be a heavy burden, and pressure to get better ASAP regardless of what was going on with her - it was relentless and did not ease off. I did not envy her at all, though I think about her from time-to-time and hope she's doing okay. I've got a bit sidetracked from my original point, but I think it was along the lines of, spending more doesn't mean you get a better outcome. Anyway, Marcus Wareing is talking about a pancake buffet on the food network, so I'm heading off.

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barrybreslau@reddit

Nepotism isn't necessarily familial. I know someone who went to a private school who didn't benefit from it. They are autistic and were expelled rather than being supported. This is part of the contract though - can't have difficult and disruptive pupils affecting the school, leave that to the state schools.

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Zealousideal-Zone115@reddit

>The biggest exercise in nepotism is private school. Paying to give your child an advantage. That's privilege, not nepotism. Nepotism means giving jobs to your children (and by extension your friend's children).

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adezlanderpalm69@reddit

Anyone would with any sense. Why give someone else an opportunity if you don’t have to

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CategorySolo@reddit

Nepotism comes from Popes giving jobs to their "Nephews" (who were probably an illegitimate son, called nephew to hide the breaching of a vow of celibacy). Of course woth language being fluid, it now means anyone giving jobs to family, you dont have to be a pope anymore. Thanks for coming to my TED talk

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KittyGrewAMoustache@reddit

Was it originally called nepopetism?

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space_coyote_86@reddit

I swear, 90% of the time I see the word it's being misused. People online just seem to love calling anyone with reacher parents a 'nepobaby'

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westofcentre@reddit

Private school is an interesting decision financially. Instead of £25,000/annum for school fees you could just stick the money in the bank and give your kid £250,000 as a gift when they leave state school. That should provide them an income of at least £10k for life.

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KittyGrewAMoustache@reddit

Nursery fees cost about the same as some private schools I’ve discovered to my horror. We pay £12k a year for three days a week until the free hours kick in. I don’t get how people manage it really

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OohRahMaki@reddit

I do take your point. School fees are closer to 30-50K, depending where you are in the UK and that is a huge chunk that could be otherwise invested. But, whilst 10K a year now is great for a passive income, you are missing out in compound interest and essentially your investment will be substantially eroded by inflation.

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Spaztic_monkey@reddit

Put it in a junior isa over their 13 year school career and with compound interest it would be over half a million.

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WestleyMc@reddit

I’d imagine someone who can pay £25k/yr just in school fees (multiplied by how many kids) isn’t too excited about providing £10k/yr. They’d be expecting their private school kid to be earning 6 figures almost immediately and 7 in 10 years or so. £10k/yr will be less than one of their holidays

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barrybreslau@reddit

Yet people who go to private school are massively overrepresented in highly paid and influential jobs.

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Aggressive_Chuck@reddit

You're supposed to give your children an advantage. That's the whole point of parenting.

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KittyGrewAMoustache@reddit

Yes, it’s up to society/the government to arrange things so that generally people who are the most talented and decent end up in positions of power or end up making the most money. Parents are never (or rarely) going to forego giving their kids any advantage they can. It’s just nature and expecting individuals to refrain is futile. Instead you need processes and laws to prevent situations where everyone in high up cushy jobs is just a talentless moron who is related to the boss. Seems like society has really been going backwards in that regard, so many important professions are just full of people who went to the same schools and universities and whose parents could afford to pay for them to do unpaid internships in London etc.

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AdaptedMix@reddit

That's not nepotism.

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barrybreslau@reddit

Attending private school gives people a huge network of friends who are able to give them preferable treatment. If they attend Oxbridge as well, then x10. The main benefit of private school, other than the smaller class sizes and better attainment levels, is placing the individual higher in the class hierarchy and their network access to upper class and high worth individuals.

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AdaptedMix@reddit

It's certainly an avenue through which nepotism operates, if that's what you mean. It isn't *inherently* nepotistic. As you point out, there are other advantages beyond networking that improve a child's prospects, not least a standard of education often superior to that which us plebs can afford, and the resultant reflected glory that imparts on a job/university application.

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Silly_Tomatillo6950@reddit

Not necessarily. Some just hit money, many take loans, some parents get second jobs as a factory worker, grandparents may pay

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Several_Hospital_129@reddit

My parents would not allow me to work while I was in high school. They wanted me to concentrate on my classes and getting into college. I had to drive 🚗 one of the family cars, but they paid for the rest of it. I am a teacher, and getting hired is very much a case of who know. When our school has an opening, the first thing the administrators do is to ask the staff, "Does anyone have a friend who's a teacher in the relevant subject, or wanting to become one?" Education is such an important field, that they would far rather hire someone who has been vouched for.

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CronusCronusCronus@reddit

100%. I refuse to believe any competent hiring manager doesn't think that way. Someone I would vouch for is vouching for someone else. That instantly makes them more credible than the candidates who could just be making everything up.

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FranzLeFroggo@reddit

In my line of work (events), you only ever get jobs by being recommended by someone. It's very rare to get a job via a job board or without prior knowledge

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No-Mark4427@reddit

Hiring someone you know or on a recommendation isn't generally nepotism. Nepotism is when someone is hired who is not qualified or less qualified for the position than other candidates purely because of their connections, or for example someone gets a promotion over other people who have produced more/better output just because they have family above. I think as usual it gets watered down and people just start calling hiring anyone you know nepotism.

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InspiringGecko@reddit

I know. But this is how Reddit uses the term. See the various comments here.

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listentomarcusa@reddit

Yep this. I used to work in theatre where contracts were short & you were basically living with the people you worked with. You can get your arse I hired my mates whenever possible, it made the work more fun. Now I run a business with 3 employees & again, I hired my buddies. We're a team, getting on makes it easier to get the job done, I know in advance that they're all smart & competent people, why would I take a gamble?

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Anthony_813@reddit

so if I have no experience and no connections how exactly am I meant to find a job? Because these days everyone seems to be hiring on recommendations alone (nothing to do with op’s post but I really need advice)

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nostalgiamon@reddit

If anything in my industry (aerospace), it gets us to assess you even closer. If your Mum or Dad works for us and has recommended you, we’ll take it very seriously as their own reputation is on the line. If you don’t match up in technical capability or you come across as “my daddy works for you” it’s an immediate no.

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TheBigYin-1984@reddit

Hard disagree. I've always found these people to be useless. Always found that people I've found through the hiring process to be better workers.

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BoxAfter7577@reddit

That’s not really what people mean by nepotism. Loads of companies have work referral incentives to allow rank and file members of staff to recommend friends or past colleagues. It’s a good system because employees don’t want to embarrass themselves in front of their boss by vouching for someone who is unreliable and shit. Getting someone bar work isn’t nepotism either. I managed to get my little brother a job as a potwash in my local pub because I used to drink there regularly and would chat to the landlord. Neither yours, nor OPs examples sound like nepotism. Nepotism is when senior people bring in someone with little to no experience, in anything other than an entry level role, sometimes with seniority over more experienced staff, just because they are so and so’s nephew. That happens, it’s annoying and it offend proves to be costly to staff morale and the business as a whole.

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InspiringGecko@reddit

I know. But this is how Reddit uses the term. See the various comments here.

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peahair@reddit

My take on nepotism is the bad points outweigh any good, it’s generally someone’s son, daughter, nephew, and they have the ear of the person they’re related to, some of those people use them as a spy in the camp and it creates more trouble than any problems they solve. The hit to morale with the staff they work with and the inability of the nepo baby’s line manager to be able to discipline them because of their relation to a person who could make that manager’s life miserable just really screws things up.

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Mild_Karate_Chop@reddit

Rando as per reddit speak ...

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JohnMcAfeewaswhackd@reddit

Often easier, but not complication free. I wouldn’t do it.

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Sphyder69420@reddit

I was the only one I knew who had a job at 16. I just wanted money to buy random shit

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Loose_Avocado4670@reddit (OP)

I come from a working class background, and I was pushed heavily to get a job at 16....I thought it was the norm, but reading a lot of these comments, aparantly not 🤷‍♀️

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profdrpoopybutt@reddit

How do you think you get out of the working class? By education, not by having a job at 16.

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Passenger_North@reddit

I came from the same with a single parent house hold, my mum never pushed me to get a job and wanted me to focus on my education over working even at university. Whereas some of my friends parents pushed there kids to work shit jobs, missing out of the last couple of years you get to spend as not an adult . Now I have a child I will 100% not push him to work at that age. At the same time I didn't have a car or many luxuries at all but they were some of the best times of my life, now I have money I spend a lot reminiscing about the good old days.

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Careful_Ad_238@reddit

Getting a part-time (or even full time if you’re doing an apprenticeship) job at sixteen is a wonderful thing to do if it means putting a bit of spending money in a teenagers pocket. But sixteen and seventeen year olds are still children, and their parents do still have an iron tight legal responsibility to provide for them without expecting remuneration, regardless of class. Not to say they can’t help their parents out with a bit of extra income if they want to, but it absolutely (in a literal legal sense) shouldn’t be the expectation

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1duck@reddit

Yeah a job in a bar at 18...I was expecting that she'd been dropped in as ceo of a company. Like this is just someone who has a friend who owns a bar.

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blazej84@reddit

Right !,we never expect any of our kids to get jobs during school,college even uni and would rather they concentrate on their studies and education. We as their parents will provide for them during this time it comes with the role imo!.Once they have finished then yes we expect them to get a decent job for themselves honestly I thought most people thought as we did I get not everyone can afford to do as we do but those that can should.

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DomitianImperator@reddit

My University barred students working during term time. Though I did it anyway.

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ThinkAboutThatFor1Se@reddit

It seems absolutely crazy to me that a parent could think it is responsible to let a child go all the way through to uni and beyond having never worked a job. Working was such an important an experience growing up. It helped me work wise, manage money, manage different social groups. It helped me my career because I had something on my cv and something to chat about at interviews.

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Anathemachiavellian@reddit

My parents made me get a job at 16 and all the way through uni and truthfully, I resent them for it. It just meant I wasn’t able to fully concentrate or excel as well as I could at my studies compared to my peers. My children will 100% not have to get a job until after they’ve finished studying, and if I can pay their rent and help them succeed in any way then I absolutely will. Working hard at studying is still teaching them about hard work.

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bowak@reddit

I guess the only thing to be careful of there is getting into a generational yo-yo where your kids will then be determined that their kids get a part time job to help teach how to balance competing priorities, gain style early life experience etc!

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Internet-Dick-Joke@reddit

Most of the people in my 6thform didn't have jobs before leaving secondary education, and most of the people at my university didn't have jobs. This is not unusual at all. It was the middle of a recession, unemployment was extremely high, adults were having to take paper rounds to make ends meet and in my first half of the year after starting 6th form, I spent more time trying to find a job than I spent actually doing my school work and didn't even get an interview because every single retail or fast food job had 100s to 1000s of people applying for them. The reality of the job marker now is very different than the reality of the job market in the 1980s.

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mmfn0403@reddit

We weren’t wealthy, but my dad never let me work a part time job during term time. He didn’t want anything distracting me from my studies. Vacation periods were another story, and I worked summers from the time I was 15 all through college.

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Just-Cap7212@reddit

This I was in the position, parents got me my job been here 25yrs and it’s the only job I ever had, not bar work but it’s a good job started at the bottom and worked hard and worked up the ladder. There is young people getting jobs through interviews and don’t want to work, I never took my job for granted. It depends on person and how much they want to apply themselves whether it’s giving to them or obtained by themselves

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throwawaynewc@reddit

And the jealousy OP shows is really one the least flattering traits people can have.

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TroublesomeFox@reddit

Exactly. If I'm able to do this for my kid when she's older I absolutely will. At 13 I HAD to go out and get a paper round so that I could have money for snacks, movies, clothes etc. all the stuff my friend just got given to them. Why want your kid to struggle if they don't have too?

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Simple-Appearance-59@reddit

Are paper rounds a thing anymore?

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TroublesomeFox@reddit

Honestly no idea. I'm assuming so since people still get papers delivered.

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Simple-Appearance-59@reddit

But no where near in the numbers that they used to be. Certainly I’ve never seen any sign of paper deliveries round here. Point is that if those jobs still exist there won’t be many, and there aren’t that many obvious jobs for 13 year olds these days.

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shastatodd@reddit

"Why want your kid to struggle if they don't have too? " Because "struggling" is not a bad thing, in fact it builds character and resiliency.

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vivelabagatelle@reddit

Yes and no. It's important to have challenges, to learn how to cope with difficult situations, to push yourself further than you realised you could - but equally, there's no point in piling on stress for the sake of it.

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shastatodd@reddit

Of all my friends, the ones who had the most difficulty managing money were the ones who were handed everything and had trust funds. If you really want kids to become resilient, functional adults don't make their lives too easy. Yes having a broad safety net is important but helicopter parents rarely produce functional offspring.

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TroublesomeFox@reddit

There's a big difference between someone's parents helping out with a first car and a trust fund.

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TroublesomeFox@reddit

I mean sure, sometimes. But me having to get a job didn't make me resilient. It isolated me from my friend's because while they got to do all the shit teenagers do, I was working and worried about bills. I'm not gonna hand everything to my kid but life is already hard enough. If I can make it easier for her by getting her a car and making sure she doesn't need a job as a child I sure as fuck will.

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Some-Watercress-1144@reddit

Exactly. And hopefully her parents are teaching her these lessons in other ways. You don't know and shouldn't judge.

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Early_Bicycle6568@reddit

Maybe I'm behind the time's but I'd have thought it pretty normal to have a job at 16. I was in the forces at 16 and had part time jobs from 13 ish as did all my mates.

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sossighead@reddit

Yeah it’s basically your dad asking the landlord of his local if they’d mind letting you have a few hours a week as a glass collector. Totally normal at just for every socio-economic background 🤣

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tepig37@reddit

Half the people i work with in one pub chain (including me) got the job because they already knew someone who worked there.

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Internet-Dick-Joke@reddit

Lots of workplaces with high staff turnover even have "refer a friend" schemes for hiring that basically gets you into the interview in a lotnof cases. You still need to pass the interview and actually do the job, but it's a leg up over people who weren't referred and it's extremely common.

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Temporary-Zebra97@reddit

Many companies do it, I was in a meeting this week one of the Directors joined and basically said the programme has been signed off, funding is in place, we need a bunch of PMs, BAs etc in total about 30 people to hit the ground running in January, and we were all asked if we knew anyone good to tell them to stick a CV in with a reminder of the incentive scheme which has a sliding scale from a couple of k to 50k for director level. They still need to pass any assessments and interview stages, mainly they just bypass the sift. The only roles that will hit the job boards will be the ones that cant be filled from our networks. Is it fair? is it fuck. Will it continue to happen yes.

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CronusCronusCronus@reddit

I think people don't realise how much the commission fee charged by recruiters are. It can be like 6 months of salary for the job. Recommend a friend cuts out the recruiter.

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AutomaticInitiative@reddit

We don't have high turnover, and have a scheme for that, because someone who's already employed for you is likely to know someone who would fit in. As you said, they have to pass the interview and get hired, but it benefits everyone (£250 and getting to work with a friend is good actually).

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metal_maxine@reddit

I had a friend whose family ran a pub (not a free house) and their entire family was co-opted into working there. I have no idea if they were actually paid anything but I really doubt it.

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CollectionStraight2@reddit

Lol yeah. When I read the title I thought we'd be talking super pampered stuff, but this all seems relatively normal?

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olivinebean@reddit

If any of my nieces end up in the same industry as me, I’ll be calling up favours across the city for them. We’re meant to pass down wealth and knowledge, I’m only going to condemn some behaviours but not the entire premise of early inheritance. Jealously is gross anyway. Turn it into hatred towards billionaires, because that shouldn’t be a fucking thing anyway.

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tallbutshy@reddit

>Not having a job when you’re 16 is entirely normal I agree. When I was that age the only 16 year olds that were in employment were those that crashed out of school

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Aggressive_Chuck@reddit

OP is complaining about her both having a job and not having a job.

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Chevalitron@reddit

Her parents didn't push her to get a job, which was bad, but then when they did push her to get a job, this was also bad...

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sritanona@reddit

yeah my first proper job I got in a coffee shop at a petrol station because the owner was a close friend of my mum and a client of hers (she worked as a sales woman for a wholesale company). Wouldn't call that job a great job. But it was over the table which is more than most people where I come from had, so I got minimum wage which for me was a lot at 18. After I left that one, another client of my mum's (this time a guy who owned a factory) hired me in the factory floor. Lasted three months, left it because it was frankly awful. Again, wouldn't say slaving away in a factory is nepotism. After that I realised I just wanted office jobs, luckily I'm bilingual and had great grades so from there I just looked for jobs near better areas and in offices. Now I'm an engineer. I put myself through school while working and emigrated to the UK. The jobs I got myself were always better than the ones my mum helped me find but it was probably easier to get them because I already had experience in my CV. That said I had been working doing the books for my mum since I was 13 and I had that in my CV already.

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ThinkAboutThatFor1Se@reddit

Have we really normalised not working at 16/17?

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HollyStone@reddit

Heaven forbid we don't wring every ounce of labour possible out of children. The capitalist machine must be fed!

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westofcentre@reddit

Yes we have. Times have changed.

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LBertilak@reddit

Yeah. Getting a job at a bar isn't exactly "gaming the system". Getting a consultant role straight out of school whilst having your rent payed for? Absolutely unfair. Not working during sixth form then getting a min wage job with relative ease? Pretty lucky, sure, but nepotism isn't really the word id use.

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I_AmA_Zebra@reddit

Unfair… maybe..but if a parents able to do it, you have to remember most parents work hard literally for their family/kids when you ask what drives them

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LittleSadRufus@reddit

My friend runs a pretty basic tea room in the Yorkshire dales, virtually a loss-leader for the attached bunkhouse. She often hires her friends' (older) children to help her out, as everyone benefits. Wait until I tell her she's gaming the system, and shame her for blatant nepotism!

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ok2888@reddit

As someone who got a role in his father's company after failing uni that I absolutely did not deserve, I can assure you that my coworkers made it VERY clear that I was not liked or welcome and some would try very hard to get me fired🤣 it was so bad that after my contract was over I didn't renew it and got a bar job instead. It wasn't even a super prestigious role either, it was basically working in the mail room of an office block.

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stanleywozere@reddit

Personal recommendations and/or impressing someone so they go out of their way to help you is how people have got jobs and got on since the Middle Ages up to and including Russian communism and post-capitalist America. You can’t fight it and it’s the main benefit of private schools as you’ll find a more successful network of people that can help you. It’s why you need to get out of your room and off your phone and meet people. It’s still how basic human society works. LinkedIn has arguably tried to digitise and democratise recruitment and it’s an insincere useless shitshow.

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Yop_BombNA@reddit

I grew up in rural Canada and the idea of not having a job at 16 is wild to me. Everyone either reffed hockey, filled gas/propane tanks, helped the pheasant farmer feed and/or kill pheasants or shoveled some combination or hay/shit…

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Empty-Sky500@reddit

16 year olds get paid to ref hockey over there? That sounds pretty cool!

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PudinaRaita@reddit

You get paid reffing u8s football here too

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Bhhenjy@reddit

16 year olds get paid to ref youth sports here too

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Yop_BombNA@reddit

Yeah you usually ref the younger year groups for your local leagues. Ref got 30 bucks a game, time keeper got 10. Then for baseball the 16 year olds would be the base umpires getting 10 bucks a game, or soccer getting 20 for reffing and 10 for linesman.

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Serious_Escape_5438@reddit

These days a lot of places won't or can't hire kids, the regulations are strict, and in urban areas there are no jobs like you describe.

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Mispict@reddit

I grew up in Shetland. We all had part time jobs by 13 or 14. It was absolutely the norm no matter how well off your parents were.

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More-Caterpillar-63@reddit

Some people can help their kids out more than others. There's a common misconception that going through struggles builds resilience, but it doesn't. Money gives you options. When you don't have money, connection gives you options. I got most of my achievements by being in the right place at the right time and not being a dipsh*t about it. Her parents are likely nice people and might like to give advice to the younguns, especially when you're curious and ask questions. I'm in my late twenties and my first job at 16 was super hard to get. It pretty much consisted of showing that I was responsible and show up to work and not be an idiot. I had weekly volunteer work that I did for years and it wasn't until I put that on my CV that I got any traction.

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Puzzleheaded-Fix8182@reddit

No real view. Must be nice. Their money their life.

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Lucky-Rip6447@reddit

My parents made me get a job at sixteen because they were moaning about learning hard work, but amongst my friends, i was in the minority. I think that most sixteen year olds aren’t working. I don’t see anything wrong with what her parents are doing. Seeing as she’s started working at eighteen, she’s not really lost out on anything by not working at sixteen. Also having your driving lessons out of the way when you’re young is a good thing. Honestly, they’re giving her a leg up in life and I think that’s fair. When I have kids, i would do the same for them.

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dO11u@reddit

I was really spoiled, got everything paid for but eventually I realized it feels way better when you earn it yourself. But yeah some are born with a golden ticket, some aren’t it’s just the way of the world. Just focus on yourself, stop focusing on her pot. You’ll drive yourself miserable and she’ll still get hers filled by her parents.

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MrlemonA@reddit

Only take away I have from this is somehow this effects you? Mind your own business and you'll be a lot happier

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throwedaway19284@reddit

Nepotism and cronyism is the only consistent way for young people to get a good start in life. I fucking hate the fact that it is, but I think every parent should strive to give their child the best chance to succeed in life they can, so helping your child get a job is absolutely essential.

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North_Guidance2749@reddit

I think your idea of struggle is misconstrued. I’m going to be honest; she’s not going to struggle. My parents are well off. They have paid for everything in my life. I didn’t need to earn my car to understand hard work. I have a wonderful job, 4 university degrees, a great kid, and a loving husband. Yes ive never struggled with finances but that doesn’t mean I haven’t learnt hard work. It’s just a different lifestyle. There’s other things I have worked towards to earn something. I get satisfaction from those

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CandySparklle@reddit

https://www.redgifs.com/watch/782957542254439610

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SpectreSingh89@reddit

Parents should carry on providing to their kids between 16-22. After this age kids fly the nest and learn, so parents should teach kids the importance of work and earning by explaining n speaking to them. Maybe such kids do house hold chores and run errands for parents? By physically getting u kids to work isn't always the answer. Parents may have an agenda like "you focus on your studies leave the financial stuff to us." Then kids SHOULD be doing better in studies? Of course life is life. Some kids have everything handed over but don't do well career wise. Other kids brought up by single parent, committed minor crimes, walked 4 miles barefoot to school before starting night shifts same night and they do really well in life n career wise.

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FinanceRealistic4815@reddit

However icl what you’re describing is incredibly common. I don’t think it’s necessarily “handing”.

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FinanceRealistic4815@reddit

I don’t agree, I think it definitely comes comes down to parenting. I’m exactly like the girl you described by I raise to have humility, be humble and hard working regardless whether my parents are rich. There are definitely parents who don’t instil their children with values and allow them to believe that they don’t need to work hard because they have money.

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Swimming_Geologist44@reddit

I wouldn’t consider this being handed everything. Or even as being privileged, or anything. Not having a job at 16 is quite normal. Statistics shows that there are significantly more 16-year-olds without a job than with one, mostly because they are still in education. Having your parents pay for your driving lessons is very normal. Also getting first car bought for you by parents is considered normal. There will be things in life that you have, that she hasn’t got. Besides it doesn’t last. My parents were well off, we had a privileged childhood. As adults me and my brother often face the opposite with financial struggles. Just because she’s getting things at this stage in her life, doesn’t mean it’ll be that way forever. One day she may look at you, and think you have it way better than her. So don’t worry about it.

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One-Comedian2560@reddit

From your point of view this is pure jealousy which you obviously understand. Many parents will do this for their child if they have the option. To me this is normal and isn’t having everything handed to her, it just sounds like you had a worse off upbringing than her.

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Diega78@reddit

People who never work for anything have no appreciation for how much a pound is worth in terms of effort, skill or time. They just grow up generally being entitled and obnoxious. Sadly the parents of such children are not doing the kids any favours in the long run about integrating their children into society. Even the children can end up manipulating the parents to get their way if the parent doesn't put their foot down early enough...ultimately - everyone loses.

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lifewithlennon@reddit

This is what normal loving parents do for their kids honestly what she does and gets from her parents have absolutely nothing to do with you if you spend your life wanting what others have you’ll never be truly happy

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UpstairsUse3066@reddit

The brutal truth; she'll do better than you in life, unless she developes a massive drug/mental health problem...and even then, mummy and daddy will bail her out. She'll also become one of those insufferable people who started life 3-nil up and genuinly believes they scored a hatrick through sheer personal skill and "hard work". We'd all like to believe there's some kind of karma in life; this isn't. Just be glad they don't fancy a career in politics...

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MonsieurGump@reddit

This isn’t “being handed everything” it’s “being handed slightly more than you”. I bet you a million pounds you’ve been “handed” stuff by your parents that plenty of others haven’t. Securing a bar job is a far cry from “getting you a place at Deloitte’s” and “paying for driving lessons” isn’t “being chauffeur driven”.

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zazabizarre@reddit

Actually makes me laugh that OP thought this was some example of a trust fund baby and it’s just a girl working in a bar.

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WriterAdvocateGrub@reddit

I've seen someone's useless daughter getting a cushy £50k job straight out of uni despite getting a 2:2 in a Mickey Mouse degree at a former polytechnic, because her dad was high up at that particular company. I've also known a guy who failed his A levels, but be given a very prestigious job because his mum knew someone there, and being bought a flat in London he could live in while working said job. Someone getting a pub job because their dad drank there is hardly a nepo baby.

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Venus_Gospel@reddit

The bar job bit is kinda standard stuff I agree, but having a car bought for you and paid for as well as lessons at 17/18 is absolutely a very high level of privilege, at least where i’m from. I’m pushing 30 and a car is still a pipe dream to ever afford

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deafearuk@reddit

I think you must be an outlier if being able to own a car is a pipe dream. But then again, when I was 17 in the 90s, all my friends got driving lessons paid for them and most got given a car. Also most of us didn't have a job at any point until after we had finished uni. Why would you be working while you are at school / uni? You live at home whilst at school so have no bills to pay, and at uni your student loan pays for bills.

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Delicious_Aside_9310@reddit

The car is nicer than most but nowhere close to “very high level of privilege”. Driving lessons being paid for by your parents I would say is *extremely* normal as it is a massive benefit to the parents as well as the child if their kid is self sufficient.

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Loose_Avocado4670@reddit (OP)

To me, having lessons and car paid for is extremely privileged...atleast where I'm from. ( working class background)

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Delicious_Aside_9310@reddit

That makes you worse off than most, not this girl much better off. It seems like you have a skewed sense as to what “extreme” privilege looks like.

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Ok-Surround3118@reddit

Middle ground, I'd say. OP does sound like they're probably comparatively worse off than they realise (and yeah, I'm a big proponent of people understanding where they sit on the ladder, because we *should* be getting angry about massive companies paying us a pittance), but a car, lessons, and insurance ain't exactly cheap either. Context matters, and I doubt they'd be making this post if it'd just been a gift of some lessons in the family car, for example.

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doghello333@reddit

lessons can set you back a grand pretty easily, insurance can set you back another 2k atleast, the car itself is probably the cheapest part of this whole deal. all in all you're looking at upwards of 3-4k which the vast majority of people don't just have lying around. walk, train or bus is what the vast majority of 17-19 year olds have to deal with in the uk. if you think differently then the chances are, you come from or live in a very privileged place.

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Ok-Surround3118@reddit

Oof, yeah, if those are the numbers then yeah even that I'd agree is pretty significant! In my head I was thinking the "cheap" option would be a few hundred in lessons alongside plenty of free practice with family, and another few hundred to add a named driver, but perhaps that's unrealistic of me. Either way, full agree from the start that what the friend is getting is very fortunate, because they definitely didn't just get the cheap route. I do think the lens that OP's seeing the bar job through adds a bit of context though, the gap is probably getting magnified a bit from both sides.

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doghello333@reddit

lessons can be a few hundred. some people learn quicker than others and some areas are cheaper than others too. lots of people have family friends who are some kind of instructor that give mates rates. practice with family is dependent on people in your family having the time or effort to do so which a lot of people don't have, it's also dependent on having someone with a car or a licence for 3+ years which some don't have either. and a named driver can reduce insurance for sure but it's pretty situational based on what your family situation looks like. overall you could get it cheaper but only if you're already in a position of privelage. for those from poorer backgrounds, getting onto the road is extremely expensive and usually costs more than what it would cost a wealthier family.

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Venus_Gospel@reddit

Exactly this. Parents could barely afford to feed and clothe us never mind pay for driving lessons. And truth be told an 18 year old doesn’t need to be driving, its a luxury at that age for sure

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zazabizarre@reddit

It’s very sad that your parents were barely able to feed you, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone or call for it to be the norm. I don’t think looking negatively upon people who can afford to live comfortable would’ve helped your situation.

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Delicious_Aside_9310@reddit

Barely being able to afford essentials is not the norm, surely you realise that?

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Loose_Avocado4670@reddit (OP)

Yeah. I finish my course next may/June time, so when I start working full time, I'll pay for lessons then, so I'll be roughly 19 when I pass my test ( hopefully)

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Ok-Surround3118@reddit

Similar background here, although a good bit older, and I think there's something really important to remember: it *is* a major privilege, certainly compared to what you or I ever got, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's a bad thing for this person to be getting. Sometimes people genuinely are handed things on a silver platter, they're spoiled and insulated from consequences, and they never learn important lessons in life that they should. But sometimes people just have an easier ride of things than us, and that's fine! It's easy to get defensive and pretend we're "better off really", which it sounds like your mum is doing a bit, but it isn't always true. Sometimes we're worse off and that's a bit shit! It sounds like your friend's parents are threading that needle reasonably well: they're getting a helping hand, but in a positive way that helps them grow (the freedom that comes with transport, the independence and learning that comes with an entry level job). The good outcome here wouldn't be for them to have a harder time of things, as your mum is saying. It would be for you to have an easier time of things, get the car sooner, and get the job more easily. And she probably feels conflicted and a bit guilty not to be able to give you those things, so she's telling you, and herself, that they aren't good things in the first place. I'd say don't take what your mum is saying to heart. There definitely is a line where she'd be right, but your friend doesn't sound like she's close to it. And acting like it's a bad thing to have comfort and resources is one of the insidious ways we tear each other down: the question shouldn't be "what did she do to deserve that?" it should be "how can we make sure we all have that?". But perhaps don't push the point too much with your mum either, because whether she realises it or not she's probably speaking as much from a feeling of inadequacy as anything else.

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anotherMrLizard@reddit

Not everyone can afford to buy a car, but if you can (and you live somewhere where the public transport is rubbish) then there's an incentive to get your kid independently moblie so you no longer have to act as their taxi service.

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Two-Theories@reddit

She's young and experiencing envy, which she acknowledges, over something she has no control, namely her socio-economic background and current circumstances. It's at this age a lot of kids realise their normal isn't everyone else's and it can be a bit of a shock, particularly for those less well off because they can't rely on "everyone has it hard" or similar anymore

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After-Competition-59@reddit

Agree. OP has more insight at her young age than the person you replied to.

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zazabizarre@reddit

She doesn’t seem to have the insight that her mum’s catty comments come from a place of bitterness - her parents aren’t ’doing her any favours’ yet she’s working?

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After-Competition-59@reddit

She’s insightful enough to know she’s jealous and conflicted enough to ask others for an opinion. That’s far better than just being jealous and bitter and letting it fester without thought. I dislike how Reddit often discourages people’s introspection by shitting on them for asking questions.

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Designer-Computer188@reddit

OPs being bashed quite a bit in these comments I feel. Yet these types of conversations and feelings they are expressing are pretty normal in working class circles and a lot of people generally (waiting for someone to pipe up and say it's not normal in their circle, ok Tarquin and Tamsin). Hilarious to me that I've also read on this thread that Redditors love to complain about others having a hand up in life, quite the opposite. I actually observe whenever anyone complains about this people are happy to very aggressively tell them how "wrong" they are for feeling this way, it usually culminates in demanding OP goes to therapy. 😆 that old chestnut!

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CongealedBeanKingdom@reddit

I completely agree with your comment, the one you replied to and can see OPs point of view completely. Its shite knowing that you'll never have the stuff and experiences your friends were given. Its not your friend's fault, and you know that, but it doesn't make your own situation any less shite and your feelings any less valid. I suspect that a few of the people who are bashing op maybe had a lot of luck in life and feel a wee bit odd about it when they are confronted with how some people have very little through no fault of their own.

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Designer-Computer188@reddit

Yeah I thought about that last part and had the same suspicions as well. And these same people probably might not have the cojones to actually speak back on it like that in real life tbh. It's very easy to be harsh on Reddit.

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Equal_Coast9853@reddit

They didn’t make her get a job they got a job for her without the interview process everyone else has to go through, I thought that’s what OP was saying

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MonsieurGump@reddit

The answer should have been “I think they are mum. But someone round here’s not doing anyone any favours”

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Ok-Lynx3444@reddit

He also says the family pulled strings to get her a job when in reality the dad was probably just a regular at the bar and asked if they had any positions open while having a beer lmao

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HungryColquhoun@reddit

I think their parents are leading them astray if they're telling him hard work is rewarded. Spoilers, 9 times out of 10 it's not. They're clearly cultivating a chip on the OP's shoulder as well, which isn't going to serve them well in life. C'est la vie.

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Appropriate_Wave722@reddit

in fairness to OP, they are questioning their mum and are of an age where they are primed to question their parents' values

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HungryColquhoun@reddit

True, let's hope they learn fast.

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bacon_cake@reddit

We've all felt like that at some point. Weirdly now as a parent I'd struggle to *not* help my son in any way I could. In many ways it reminds me of private healthcare, I hate that it exists, I feel sorry for everyone that doesn't have it, but I need to do the best I can for my family.

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frutiger-aero-actual@reddit

There's a lot more to it than that. It's life, it's unfair, but there is some uncontrollable injustice in the haves and have-nots. OP is working at 16. They *have to* work. And they had to get a job on their own, interview, etc. OP's friend just gets money for nothing. OP has to work from 16 to save for driving lessons. OP's friend gets them for free. And the car. And the insurance. "Just a girl working at a bar" who doesn't need the job, has likely no stress if they keep/lose the job, a comfortable fallback (free money from parents), etc. For OP, the job is the key to money, independence, freedom. For OP's friend, it's just another thing they've been given.

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zazabizarre@reddit

So the solution is… what? Tell parents who have a bit of money to not help their kids? The problem with posts like this is they put the onus of the issue on the other girl and her family almost as if they’re bad people- it’s not their fault OP can’t afford a car and can’t get a job. We Brits don’t direct enough of our ire at the real culprit, the Government and huge corporations, and instead prefer to sneer at our peers.

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Candid-Listen4018@reddit

Right? Sounds standard, I didn’t get any of these things but I sure as hell will do the same for my son.

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LmbLma@reddit

Just because there are people at each end of the spectrum doesn’t mean OP can’t be a bit miffed about this person having a big leg up on them.

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profdrpoopybutt@reddit

Well, considering OPs spectrum, it seems most people will have a big leg up on them. They can either get used to life being unfair, or spend their whole life being miffed.

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LmbLma@reddit

They’re 17, cut them some slack. It’s normal to get annoyed and jealous, as long as you can swiftly move on and get over it. I’ve mentioned in another reply that I hope some of the responses on here give OP a little perspective etc.

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profdrpoopybutt@reddit

Ok, when I was 17, I wasn't jealous of my better off peers, I was inspired to strive for more.

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Ieatsand97@reddit

“Big leg up”? I don’t think you have seen inequality yet. Just find a video about Jacob-rees Mogg (the politician) and look at his upbringing. That will put into perspective what this looks like. Not to run the whole “eat the rich” but when you zoom out of this, you see that there are people that will be richer than you could ever get in your lifetime that will never have to work, and have just inherited the money. We keep fighting between us on this level and let the real people with everything handed to them go.

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LmbLma@reddit

I’m well aware. But in the view of a 17yo in OPs situation it feels “big”.

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zazabizarre@reddit

What good is ‘being miffed’ going to do them? Making a whole Reddit post whinging that some random girl got a job in a bar and didn’t have to work when she was… 16 years old. An 18 year old is in college and working, sounds like her parents have done a decent job to me.

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LmbLma@reddit

Never said they didn’t… but OP is allowed to be a **bit** miffed, as I said. It’s normal to get a bit annoyed and jealous at times. Hopefully the comments have given them a bit more perspective but OP is only 17, cut them some slack.

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Educational-Bus4634@reddit

Sounds like both OP and their mother are jealous/bitter about it, tbh. "She'll suffer later in life" because her parents had the privilege to help her ease into adulthood without stress, and she's now working a run of the mill job (presumably) well enough to not get fired? Sure, a real sign of the end times. Can't believe the coddling of it all.

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Gooses_Gooses@reddit

I didn’t work until I was nearly 20 (uni student) and then my parents gifted me driving lessons, a car, paid my rent while I studied, and paid for me to do an MA (and now are letting me live rent-free if I get my PhD approved.) as a child my parents bought me a pony, and a friend for the pony, which are still beloved pets now. I now work part time for extra cash, but I don’t need it to live at all. I’ve been very lucky, privileged, and had stuff handed to me. However, my parents are also working class still, and I’m up to my eyeballs in student debt. I’ve run out of living money and I’m moving Home mid way through a term as I can’t afford the rent much longer. I’m a small fish at my uni- a lot of kids here have actual trust funds etc - it was very humbling.

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gnufan@reddit

Then there is the whole having parents who aren't an active hindrance to the progress of your life. Several friends are still suffering consequences of what their parents did to them even when they've been independent longer than they were at home. My parents were great, but they didn't have an Emerald mine, slackers(?).

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jakeharman911@reddit

She will likely never face those struggles later in life that your mum mentions. Some people are born wealthy and stay that way forever. It's just the way it is.

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Resident_Tangelo2189@reddit

mum forced me to work from 14

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JazzlikeMobile357@reddit

I mean I've had a job but I'm in this situation at uni and so are a lot of other people. It's not about jealousy but it's more so surviving. I'm 19 worked at 1 place twice in 2 years for a few months during summer. Am I actively looking for a job? Yes. Am I struggling? Yes. So overall I'd say focus on yourself and don't worry about other people?? Lmao

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No-Wallaby709@reddit

Nothing in life is equal, there will always be people with a lot more or a lot less than you. Be frat for what you’ve got.

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Ancient-Pizza-9844@reddit

I was lucky enough to be “handed everything” as I was growing up. Didn’t need to work, got my driving lessons paid for, was bought a brand new car etc. I’m now 45, have a degree, a successful 20 year career in finance behind me, now taken a huge pay cut as retrained as a teacher. I work hard, own my own home (ok, have a mortgage which is just in my name) which my parents did not contribute towards. I am careful with my money, but not a Scrooge. I have 2 kids and will do anything to keep as much real world stress off them while they grow and find their way in life as possible. That’s what my parents did for me, and I’ll forever be grateful. I have been extremely fortunate, and I know that.

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Alarmed_Crazy_6620@reddit

\> From 16-17, her parents didn't encourage her to get a job because she didn't need to. \> so as soon as she turned 18, her parents got her a job Seems ok? Car as a gift is a bit of luxury but not exactly unheard of. I think this is probably not the biggest inequality you will encounter

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SlightlyAdventurous@reddit

OP is in for a bit of a shock if they ever attempt to enter any sort of consultancy sector or similar.

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Natz69420@reddit

Yeah I don't get why she isn't happy about someone getting nice things. I had a great childhood but we didn't have money, but a great home environment. My nephew has had multiple family members chip in to get his test passed, his dad got him a car, his A levels were superb but he still couldn't get a job. Eventually he asked me for work and I got him a job that day because it's a shit job, shit hours, hard work and nobody wants to do it. It's a learning experience, does he want to live like me or better himself? Doesn't matter if it's in construction or a coffee shop or a pub, you probably aren't going to make huge money, he now knows he's going to have to get his ass in gear and get an apprenticeship in the industry he wants to work, which is proving very hard. But I'm not going to sit there and have him sat at home getting depressed because of constant rejection when he can put money in his pocket and get a bit of life experience.

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Klarabela@reddit

I grew up on a council estate, parents were out of work a lot, we moved to England from Northern Ireland in the 80s cos there was no work there for them. We didn’t have much but when I turned 17 they got me a ford fiesta popular plus and dad taught me to drive in it. Yes it was a luxury to have that car and although it probably wasn’t expensive I was unbelievably shocked they bought me it cos I knew they didn’t have much money. I was brought up to work hard and better yourself in order to get on in life. But saying my mum and dad bought me my first car with no context tells a very different story.

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mattt5555@reddit

Car is a huge luxury, however its a huge freedom and otherwise can be a quite a bind on parents. Where i live the public transport isnt great, ive saved a little since the kids were born to give them that option to use the money to buy a car when theyre 17-18 Once my son had a job but no car I'd have to take him to the job and to college etc, and then drive home again, double the distance and double the time and then do it again at the end of the day. He pays his insurance though!

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Ybuzz@reddit

A SAFE car is also more expensive than most people can afford when they first start driving. My parents would never have let me buy my own car unless I could afford one that was well looked after, not too old, bought from a reputable place etc. I was rural so I agree that buying me a car probably freed up my parents a lot too - I couldn't really walk or bus anywhere from our house so they always had to drive me places.

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MiserableProblem5126@reddit

Not sure why British people seem ashamed of helping family.

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bluejeansseltzer@reddit

Crabs in a bucket

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Weak-Employer2805@reddit

It’s all just people being jealous of other people who have a bit more money than them.

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pseudo-poor@reddit

> Car is a huge luxury Depends on where you live (and the car, obviously), in some places it's a necessity

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EnoughRadish@reddit

Yes in some places it’s a necessity, but plenty of people still don’t have them, because they can’t afford it, because cars are a luxury.

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Puzzled-Job9556@reddit

Presumably they mean the gift of a car is a luxury?

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pseudo-poor@reddit

Yeah I get that, I mean that there are places where almost every teenager will be given an old car to get about in

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Revolutionary-Mode75@reddit

My sister did it because then she could stop being a taxi driver.

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randomusername8472@reddit

In most of the country, a car is essential unfortunately. And you get second hand cars for > £2k. For me for example, if my kids were 18 now and I didn't already have 2 cars, I would absolutely buy them a cheap old banger as a way for them to actually get a job and keep it. It would be a luxury to them, but also a necessary investment for me so they can get around and start earning there own money.

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oportoman@reddit

"bit of luxury" 🤣

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Tulcey-Lee@reddit

Depends on the car. My parents bought my first car and insured it. It cost about £1k. I then paid petrol as I also had a job. My dad wanted something roadworthy for me but nothing fancy until I was more experienced. Even now I’m almost 40 and we drive older cars 😂

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Humble-Parsnip-484@reddit

Idk, I know a few people who basically got their car gifted by family. I still don't drive because I live paycheck to paycheck and sometimes they definitely act superior, but from my vantage point they just got given life on easy mode.

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Chicken_shish@reddit

My son got his first job largely because I gave him a car, driving lessons, insurance and fuel. He was able to work antisocial hours in a place that was a pig to get to on public transport. A car is just an enabler.

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ASK-ME-ABOUT-MY-BIKE@reddit

Depends on the area of course but in my area it’s not really uncommon. People wouldn’t be “shocked” if you didn’t have your own, but they wouldn’t be surprised at all if you had you own

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Ok-Conversation-5084@reddit

When I was 17 and still in high school, my dad paid for my driving lessons. He bought me a £100 car for my 18th. He insured it. My mums friend got me my first Saturday job, I got my first bar job because of my best friends dad. My mum and dad drove taxi’s before my dad got ill. Driving was important for so many reasons. ‘You’ll always be able to drive for a living, if things go wrong.’ It also meant I could take him to hospital. On the face of it, it was handed to me. The reality was there were conditions the other kids at school had no idea about. I wasn’t going to tell them. yes I had a car, but it meant their life got easier. Yes I had 2 jobs, cos my parents were poor and it helped to not have to pay for my shit.

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Tiny-Today7768@reddit

I have 2 separate families and three siblings. All of them got everything handed to them while I (because I am the eldest and pre-dated their wealt) got very little by comparison. My siblings are nice people, just a bit weak and entitled. Urrrm apart from one who is a massive b\*tch and a drug addict. You are what you are and if you grow up through hard knocks and making your own way, you tend to be tougher, not nicer or better, just tougher. Its up to you whether you choose to be nice with it :)

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Admirable-Recover-97@reddit

I think those are all normal things that parents should strive to be able to do for their children

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mystykitten@reddit

As a parent, absolutely. I desperately want my kid to have things I did t have growing up poor as hell. I absolutely want him to have a better life. It's a tricky balance of spoiling and teaching him to be self sufficient. Hopefully we strike a good balance.

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NobleRegal@reddit

Exactly, if anything it’s the mentality of keeping their offspring down that would be far more harmful

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littletorreira@reddit

I am very lucky and my mother paid my university fees. I had a friend who thought it was wildly unfair. But I just said I thought that if our parents switched financial places her mum would do the exact same. And I still believe that.

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-DoctorSpaceman-@reddit

lol yeah. I’m probably not gonna buy my kids their first cars as I don’t have that kind of money, but I would if I could!

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paytheferrymann@reddit

Absolutely. I doubt we’ll be able to buy my daughter a car when she’s old enough (she’s 3, so we’ve got time!) but if I can pay for her driving lessons I absolutely will. Life is fucking expensive. If I can help with getting her started I will.

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head_face@reddit

> she’s 3, so we’ve got time! Might be a dumb suggestions but I feel like putting a few hundred in an account now that would compound over the next 15 years might pay for a car by then?

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paytheferrymann@reddit

We pop half of the child benefit (so £50 a month) in a savings account for her for this reason!

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Instructions_unclea@reddit

Have you considered putting it into a S&S JISA? In a savings account, even with 4% interest, at £600 per year she’d have approx £16,000 when she turns 18. If invested in an ISA, with an average 8% annual return, she would have approx £24,000 at 18. Of course there’s risk with investing, but it’s minimised by focusing on ETFs such as world trackers (eg Vanguard FTSE all-world ETF).

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rachey2912@reddit

I'm not really sure what most of these words mean, but thank you. I try and save at least £50 a month for my 4 year old but it goes into a child account through my bank. I will have a look at what you have recommended here to hopefully mean she has a bigger sum when she needs it.

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Instructions_unclea@reddit

It seems complicated when you first hear about this stuff, but it’s honestly fine once you get the hang of the lingo: A stocks & shares individual savings account (S&S ISA) allows an adult to invest £20k per year, tax free. This means that any gains upon selling are exempt from capital gains tax, and any dividends received are tax free too. A junior individual savings account (JISA) allows under 18s to invest/save up to £9k per year, also tax free. An exchange traded fund (ETF) is an investment fund that can be bought & sold on stock exchanges. Rather than investing in just one company (eg buying £1k of Microsoft stock), an ETF can hold a range of assets. This can greatly reduce the risk of investing, because you are not reliant on just one company performing well. (Important to note that, as with any investment, there is still risk there even if it’s minimised.) To give an example, let’s look at an ETF called “Invesco S&P500 (Acc)”. Invesco is the name of the investment firm that manages the fund. S&P500 refers to a stock market index which tracks the performance of the 500 top companies that are listed on stock exchanges in the USA. “Acc” is short for accumulating, which means that any dividends are automatically reinvested for you. In other words, this ETF allows us to indirectly invest in the top 500 companies in America. If Microsoft were to have a bad year, it wouldn’t matter so much because there are 499 other companies to balance it out. There is still the risk of an overall stock market downturn, but this is about as low risk as investing gets. The average annual returns for the S&P500 over the past 100 years have been ~10%. Some important things to consider with a JISA: - Once the money is in, you can’t take it out; it belongs to the child now. Whereas with your own ISA, you can access the money if need be. - The child receives full control of the JISA upon turning 18. Some parents worry that their child will waste all of the money, and prefer to instead invest in their own name so they can control the timing and quantity of money being given to the child. r/personalfinanceUK is a good resource to learn more.

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I_AmA_Zebra@reddit

A lot choose something <£5k and then maybe £2k insurance Not a possibility for everyone but also achievable for a big chunk of parents, so I totally understand. I know my mum would’ve done this if she could, but she is low income

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doghello333@reddit

a lot of the time the insurance costs more than the car for a young brand new driver. one of my mates has 2.5k insurance on a £600 car and that's with a black box. the vast majority of people cannot afford this for their kids.

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I_AmA_Zebra@reddit

Yeah £2-3k seems common for first time drivers. Mine was the same. Doesn’t matter what car on the low end as the insurance seems to have a floor

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Mr06506@reddit

I will (if they want to drive), purely because then I will have a say in how safe and sensible their choice of car is.

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ukmint@reddit

The most toxic mentality is that everyone must start from the bottom.

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Standard-Bottle-7235@reddit

Poor people really hate other poor people who've made some money. The actual rich are worshipped though.

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Queen_Banana@reddit

Yesss, I have a large working class family. I had an aunt who did very well for herself. Educated herself, got a career, married an upper middle-class man and moved away. Everyone spoke so horribly of her my whole childhood. That she was stuck-up. Her house was too big and too tidy. It really threw me the first time I met her and she was perfectly lovely. I'm in a similar position now, and I'm sure all my cousins back home now say the same things about me.

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Standard-Bottle-7235@reddit

Yeah now you're the queen banana

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Mald1z1@reddit

Crabs in a bucket

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Dunkmaxxing@reddit

The strangest thing to me as someone who was born as a beneficiary of capitalism is that a very substantial amount of poor people defend it so strongly. I guess the propaganda and conformist mentality just works that well when people don't develop critical thinking or express intellectual curiosity in alternatives. Ofc many people irrespective of economic background recognise many severe flaws, such as the inherent inequality in access to capital, abuse of power and lack of accountability, necessary exploitation and the history of wealth extraction from imperialism. Still, it always amazes me how people will defend their own servitude.

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THROWRA_al_Camp_9263@reddit

Yup, thinking that these things are a bit much and abnormal is the class system at work. Keep you down and out as much as possible.

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Grand_Deal476@reddit

Yup. I could very well be that "friend" she described. So could all my friends. My mom didn't want me to work and encouraged me to focus on my studies, high school through college. She paid for my driving lessons and drivers license. As did all my friends parents with theirs. I have one friend who paid for her own drivers license, but that was because she did not want her parents money. My parents got my first car, which was a 15 year old hand-me-down from my father because he didn't need the car anymore. I drove that Honda Accord for 7 years until it had to be scrapped. So I got my degree. Got my first corporate job. Bought my own home and my own car that I still own to this day, 15 years later. Am I spoiled? Nah, my parents just did what any parents would do. As would I with my future kids if I choose to have any.

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phatbrasil@reddit

Your mother is absolutely correct. There are people who will always be dependent on someone else who will settle for a miserable life because they don't have experience in managing their own affairs. That said, if she is working and going to college, it could be that she is just very privileged and her parents are easing her into adult life.( Which would be the best outcome) Those are them tricks

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False-Self535@reddit

I think this is the bare minimum as a parent I would do when my daughter turns 16. I never worked until I graduated (at 21) and my parents paid for all the university fees and living expenses. Getting a car for her will depend on how much she needs it, but if it looks like the best option then we would get her a car.

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rileyabernethy@reddit

I'm jelous bht happy for this stranger for havimg good parents. Sounds like you either didn't have that, or your parents just didn't have as much money, or perhaps they unfortunetly had a different parenting style. My parents were shitty to me and my dad abusive. They also didn't have the money to get me a car or the know who for a job. Dispite being abusive, had they had either of those things, they might've helped with those. I think parents that let kids being rude walk over them are doing a poor job. And I think it is partocularly good if they encourage kids to do things for themselves. However if they spoil them and 'hand them everything', either as a teen or a young adult, I don't think thats bad at all. You can either learn the hard way or the easy way. I learned the hard way + extra hard with mental health issues thrown on top due to my parents. If she wants a better paid or more niche job than her bar job, she'll need to self learn to look for that. Of she goes self employed, she should learn to do her own taxes and manage things. If she wants morw savings or a better can, she'll need to manage those things herself. You learn to adult as an adult through experience. You don't need to have it hard as a teen. She just has a leg up and has things easier than this. That can hurt, and I totally get that, but theres nothing wrong with it and we should be happy for her.

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flobanob@reddit

I mean, I would be jealous at your age for sure. But if I had a kid and the money then I'd do the same. My folks couldn't get me a car and all those perks, bit I'd have bus money and a lift whenever I needed.

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Hot_Equivalent_2495@reddit

I see your jealously

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Xtraordinari3008@reddit

This kind of attitude and general disdain from people with different backgrounds to you makes sense considering you are a reform supporter.

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Upset-Border-2578@reddit

They can afford it and anyone says otherwise is lying or not a parent.

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Jumpy_Imagination208@reddit

She’ll go through life with things being handed to her (by her parents, by others). She’ll get to old age and still be the same. Yes it’s frustrating for those of us who have to work for everything, but it’s just the way life is I’m afraid

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nottodayffs@reddit

That seems reasonable… as parents we always want what’s best for our kids. A 16/17 year old doesn’t need a job specially if she’s in full time education. And due to that if they can afford is very reasonable to pay for their driving lessons. My grandparents paid for my driving lessons so I would have that skill and not have to worry about the cost. Also about the getting them a job, everyone with some sort of connection does that not just for kids. Many jobs even have refer a friend schemes. I get £500 if I can recommend someone a job in my company and they pass their probation. Specially young people with no experience sometimes it’s the only way they’ll get a job. 18 is like super young. Even kids who are in care settings get their driving lessons paid for them and help getting jobs and apartments when they turn 18

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LokiBear222@reddit

I want the next generation to have it better than I did. Isn't that normal? I cannot replicate growing up without the internet. But I do know that life can be shite enough without someone who loves me trying to teach me a lesson.

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Appropriate_Wave722@reddit

not forcing a kid in education to get a job and paying for your kids' driving classes are all very normal things that all parents would do if they had the cash - including your mum

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Loulerpops@reddit

I don’t see what’s wrong about wanting your children to get part time jobs at 16 though, giving them some independence both financially and mentally will give them a good head start

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BoleynRose@reddit

Nothing wrong with it but it is very difficult for 16 year olds to get a job. (Obviously some do and good for them) Plus some parents would prefer their child focus on their GCSE's/A-Levels. Certainly when my children are 16 I'll encourage them to focus on their studies, extra curricular activities and social life. I remember when I was in sixth form, my friends who had jobs were frequently being bullied by their managers to pick up more shifts, even during school hours!

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Loulerpops@reddit

So you think it’s good that a 16-17 year old should have their social life all paid for by their parents? That’s what the jobs for

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profdrpoopybutt@reddit

Yep, that's exactly what I think, prove me wrong!

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Appropriate_Wave722@reddit

within reason. The job can be if they want a luxurious life. I would think something maybe £50 a week pocket money for a 16 year old would be reasonable in 2025? I dunno, my kid is 6

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BoleynRose@reddit

If the parents/caregivers are happy/in a financial position to give them a bit of pocket money then that's their choice. If the 16/17 year old wants more money then they can earn it. When I was that 16 places wouldn't hire me because I already had commitments on Saturday mornings. Luckily my parents were in a position to give me a small allowance, then when I was 17/18 I finally managed to get a job and the allowance stopped. People make different choices depending on what their circumstances and opinions allow.

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_Pencilfish@reddit

If they don't have to, why make them? As it stands, they're likely to be working until they're 70 or until they die. If it can be afforded, maybe give them another couple years of not being an adult? Obviously, if they want a job and independence though, no reason to hold them back!

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Appropriate_Wave722@reddit

there's nothing wrong with it but there's nothing especially right with it either. They can get a part time job if they want. Them little paycheques for ten hours' minimum wage labour seem like a decent chunk of money when you don't have rent and bills

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EUskeptik@reddit

Your mother is 100% correct. Without the largesse of her parents, this girl would cease to function. -oo-

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profdrpoopybutt@reddit

Well I hate to break it to you, but as for as not doing her any favours or struggling later in life, it's been my experience that it's the complete opposite. I've been financially supported by my parents until I was 25 and started my PhD in Germany. They supported me through my bachelor and masters in the UK. Not with a lot of money, but the basic minimum for food and rent so I could focus on my studies. I've got a really great job after my PhD and I've now been working for over 5 years and I'm in the top 2% of earners in Germany and own a few properties and investments. I'm not struggling at all. My parents definitely did me a great favour by financially supporting me through my studies so I could get in a really good PhD programme and afterwards a really great job.

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BigGrinJesus@reddit

>she has no idea what it means to earn something Except for the money that she earns by working at a bar...

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Enough-Ad3818@reddit

As a kid, I would grumbled to myself about the kids who were better off than me, which was basically everyone. My parents did their absolute best to make sure there was food in the fridge and clothes in the cupboards of my sister and I. I remember my Dad working Christmas and other holidays for better pay, and my Mum skipping a meal to make sure we could eat. Now I'm the Dad, and I'll provide my kid with whatever I can to provide a good start. If that means giving him a hand, then I will, and I dont give a fuck if people think that's me handing something to him on a plate. My childhood was cold, damp, and often trying to make the best of meagre offerings. My son's childhood will be warm, dry, and he will have fun and exciting experiences.

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littletorreira@reddit

I think this is almost every parent. If you have the means why wouldn't you give your child everything they need?

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Serious_Escape_5438@reddit

Yes, we are a lot of pasta and baked potatoes and no activities or holidays. I want my child to have more opportunities.

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littletorreira@reddit

While most people find adults who claim they worked very hard for everything they have, but really they had a large amount of help very annoying. This is not that. This is a child whose parents have the means to allow her to not work during school and then helped her get a job to build work experience. What you are describing is a level of support almost all parents would want to give to their children but most can't.

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thisisonyou@reddit

These are all fairly reasonable things. They speak to a relatively well-off family (my parents couldn't have afforded the gift of a car, but a couple of my friends who were slightly better off got second-hand cars when they turned 17), but not having a job at 16 isn't 'being handed everything', and nor is your parents asking for a favour off their pub landlord mate. Unfortunately, you will meet people who actually were handed everything, and you'll realise that's not what's happening here. Some parents prefer the fend-for-yourself school of child-rearing, and that's up to them, but it doesn't mean everyone who treats their child even slightly more generously is 'spoiling' them

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KEW95@reddit

Nobody should have to get a job before they’re an adult. Sadly, some do, but it shouldn’t be expected of teenagers. If she’d finished college and/or uni, was working to some degree and was still having everything paid for, then I’d be concerned. Not as it is now. Some parents can set their kids up to not have anything to pay for until they finish their education and that’s okay.

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yameretzu@reddit

Rather than bothering about what other people have, spend that time educating yourself on finance, investing and saving. Not get rich quick schemes or bitcoin but actual sensible financial advice. Listen or read books like Rich Dad, Poor Dad, and Think and Grow Rich and How To Own the World. Then invest sensibly and diversly (it doesnt matter if you dont have much just a very small monthly amount is fine for funds and take advantage of the compound interest and time you have. Make sure you research enough to be able to make your own financial decisions or talk to an advisor to get qualified advice. If you do it right you may be able to give your own family the leg up you see your classmate getting and more nomatter what job you end up with.

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Tiny_Brother8879@reddit

Lifelong envy. I went to a good uni and moved to london so most of my friends had great upbringings like the one you describe. They are all doing well now and working hard. My partner grew up with a tennis court and swimming pool but is a very humble, hard working person. My mum told me to get a job at 14 and I worked through my GSCE’s and full-time through College and Uni. By 28 I had terrible burnout and I’m now 32 and still feel burnt out. I used to be jealous, however now I’m considering starting my own family I would like my children to have a different upbringing more in line with what my friends and partner have experienced, which they are all grateful for. (Apart from the swimming pool and tennis court 😅)

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Interesting_Summer00@reddit

The girl’s parents might be like me and my husband. We are working hard to make our child’s life better than the ones we have had, which means saving money to make things easier for our child when they reach adulthood. The girls parents might be very proud and so pleased that they’ve been able to do this for their child. The person is still going to college and still working so it’s not like she expects to not work hard.

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WorldlinessAny5741@reddit

It's understandable to feel that way when you see what others have. It seems your parents may not have been fully financially prepared before starting a family, which has unfortunately impacted the opportunities you had. I'm sure they did their best, but their financial priorities at the time were different.

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Slothjitzu@reddit

Whatever I have the means to give my children, they will have. Whatever I do not have the means to give them, it is impossible for them to have. It's as simple as that to me. I know people who were brought up with nothing and are still the laziest, most useless pricks I've ever met. I also know how people who had a lot of things handed to them but continued to work hard and have now advanced even further beyond their parents. What matters the most is the examples you set and the lessons you teach. Not how much you buy or don't buy for them.

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Unlucky-Fun-2699@reddit

So you're mad that she doesn't have a job when most kids don't and then you're mad at the idea that she will get a job? I think you're just envious of this particular girl

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Equal-Afternoon-2784@reddit

I've got a mate who is 40, works full time, still lives at home, and has never paid rent/mortgage, food, or car insurance in his life because his parents pay for everything!

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resting_up@reddit

She probably won't struggle in later life as she'll be living it up on her big inheritance.

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ComfortableAd8326@reddit

A minimum wage bar job? God forbid Realistically there's all things we would do for our kids if we could afford to. For her parents driving lessons and a car is one of them. Stop being bitter and mind your own business

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Emergency_Lab_8052@reddit

my parents are like this and after two years of living alone i came crawling back home LOLOL i must be the world's first 20-year-old baby

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shysquirl@reddit

Man I’m surprised everyone here is so tone deaf. This sort of “basic” stuff like having your family pay for everything, trying to not get you to work, and getting you a job is not normally possible in lower socio economic conditions. It IS a luxury and a middle class privilege. I get your mom, it’s either because she can’t afford to give you these things or because she wants to be there for you while you go through this transitional phase of your life. It’s not up to us to judge her or your circumstances. Not sure if anyone will read this comment at this point, but yeah it’s not as simple as being jealous.. this is quite intersectional. Keep your head up kiddo, in this life we just gotta work with the hand we’re given. You’ll learn this eventually.

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Loose_Avocado4670@reddit (OP)

Thanks for your kind words. I assumed not working until you're 18 and getting everything paid for for you was a very privileged thing to get. I plan on working hard at college and getting a full time job once I turn 18 and pay for my own lessons/car.

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zazabizarre@reddit

You and your mum sound bitter and jealous to be honest. She’s working in a bar, so she’s not having ‘everything handed to her’ and getting your kid a job in a bar is hardly an example of being spoiled. Paying for driving lessons and a first car is pretty normal if you can afford it. If you think this is someone who had ‘everything handed to them’ prepare to meet actual trust fund kids and see the true meaning of that phrase. They are not working in bars.

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the-_waitress@reddit

Not only is buying the first car and lessons normal if you can afford it, it's also an investment in your child's future. Sure it's a luxury but it also grants independence and opens up a larger pool of job opportunities. They just seem to be trying to set their kid up as best they can.

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Silly_Tomatillo6950@reddit

It's normal nowadays. Wasn;t even 15 years ago

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Weimaraner666@reddit

It was normal long before that🤷‍♀️My working class parents paid for my driving lessons, first car and insurance and that was in 1989, it was very common even then. I worked a Saturday job to pay for my petrol, until I started nursing college.

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Silly_Tomatillo6950@reddit

Maybe it was just my area then🤷‍♀️

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the-_waitress@reddit

Ok? She was bought her car now, not 15 years ago

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lizziexo@reddit

And she’s working at a bar, could be unsociable hours when it’s safer to jump straight in your own car than waiting for public transport, especially if she lives somewhere a bit more rural or hard to reach.

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Delicious_Aside_9310@reddit

Not to mention a massive investment in your own free time

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rickyhatesspam@reddit

Exactly this. Her parents have successed in their job, their child can drive, had a car and is mobile. Maybe OP should be asking her mum why she isn't doing her favours, why is she expected to struggle at everything in life? Seems like her parents failed.

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tobiasfunkgay@reddit

Also hiring young bar staff is super hit and miss. It's not really outright nepotism to hire a family friend you know is sensible and has some skin in the game relationship wise.

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fatboyfat1981@reddit

What would you do with your hypothetical kids, assuming you had the means?

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Affectionate-Key3178@reddit

Depends on the child on whether on not she’ll struggle later in life. It’s normal to support your kids till they get in their feet. It does depend on whether the parents can afford it or not. Not having to work while at school means she can focus on studying and life.

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Usual_Astronomer_766@reddit

She hasn't had everything "just handed to her". You're just being ignorant.

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Footner@reddit

Don’t waste your time on jealousy mate, the race is long but it’s only with yourself It sounds like she’s got good and smart parents, getting her a car gives her more independence, opens up a lot more job opportunities and makes it so the parents don’t have to be a taxi service for her Not working during college. I know loads of people who did and a lot more who didn’t… pretty normal there’s not many places that hire 16 year olds compared to 18+ but getting your kid a bar job isn’t a massive thing, it’s how a lot of people get jobs

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NewtTrick@reddit

At least you admit you’re jealous. I was pretty spoilt as a teenager and I grew up to be a nice enough guy, I hope. The current Duke of Westminster inherited several billions pounds worth of property and didn’t pay a penny in inheritance tax because it is structured as an offshore trust.

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giants_lens@reddit

Nepotism is real, life is unfair. Play the hand you get dealt and don’t worry about the others.

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HipHopRandomer@reddit

This. The world is absolutely full of nepotism. Is it fair? Absolutely not. But that’s the world we live in. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that. Run your own race.

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DisastrousPhoto55@reddit

Why isn’t nepotism fair in this case? The parents can do what they want with their money (other than the job thing, which is just someone doing a favour for a bar job). To be clear, I had a job at 10 delivering papers and worked ever since, I remember loaning my parents money at 16 I think. Now that I have kids I’d help them out where I can.

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HipHopRandomer@reddit

I’m not saying it’s not fair in this case, I was just speaking generally about it within the world. In this case the girl in question was just lucky to be born into a financially secure family that can afford to help her out. I’m sure anyone would financially aid their children if they had the means to do so.

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Themarchsisters1@reddit

unfortunately, you’ve not met my mother-in-law. she actively hampered my husband making progress in life as well as his brother and sister, despite her ( and only her) living a very middle class lifestyle. She also refused to let her wider family ( my husband’s grandparents etc) help as it made her feel bad, so they had to help out in secret.

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DisastrousPhoto55@reddit

Yeah fair enough, not having a go, I think in this particular case it’s pretty normal.

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I_AmA_Zebra@reddit

It’s not nepotism imo. People think any form of support or “handouts” (in quotes because parents ultimately usually want to provide for and help their kids have an easier life than they did) is nepotism or unfair Family friend helps you get an interview or part time job at a bar? Not nepotism, that’s just having a decent connection. Would be silly not to ask them and try and help your kid In this case I think it would fall into nepotism if this girl is totally shit behind the bar yet the owners refuse to fire her because of the family connection. That’s when it becomes unfair

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Loose_Avocado4670@reddit (OP)

Solid advice 👍

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Edo1405@reddit

I went for a job interview once, there was 2 jobs available in an MOD site, Interviewers son got 1 job and his niece got the other 😂

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Mr_Bo_Jandals@reddit

That is wild for MOD. Private company is one thing, but a government agency is just asking for a lawsuit.

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Internet-Dick-Joke@reddit

Well, seeing as the above commenter was presumably *not* hired, they wouldn't actually know who *was* hired unless they themselves know people working in that department, so it's almost certainly a bullshit claim.

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head_face@reddit

Yo have you ever heard of LinkedIn

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Mr_Bo_Jandals@reddit

Not really. I know who got jobs I interviewed for and didn’t get - it’s often not hard to find out from department websites and social media/linkedin. They could also work for the MOD already and applied for another job internally.

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Internet-Dick-Joke@reddit

And you know who their parents are and exactly how they are related? Linked In doesn't have anywhere to lost someone as a relative, and department websites don't lost personal relationships, so how would he know that they were a son and niece of the interviewer specifically unless he himself knows people in the departments (in which case, he *also* had connections and an advantage over those who don't)?

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Mr_Bo_Jandals@reddit

Simmer down. Not sure why you’re so mad to assume everyone on the internet is lying. Just breathe and move on.

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Internet-Dick-Joke@reddit

I'm not mad, I'm advising people to implement some critical thinking and not just take everything they read from an unverified source at face value. Especially since far too many people take extreme claims at face value. Also, just so you know, he's said to someone else that the reason why he knows is because his dad's best mate worked in the department and 'told him about the job' (which reads more to me like 'got him a foot in the door in the first place') so I was absolutely correct about the only way for him to know that being if he himself had connections within the department.

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Mr_Bo_Jandals@reddit

You’re an exhaustingly cynical person. So, now it isn’t a BS made up thing? Instead, ‘dad’s friend got him a foot in the door’. People can find out about job openings through people they know without nepotism being involved. Unless the dad’s friend was involved in the hiring process there is nothing wrong there. Seriously, take your own advice - use some critical thinking. And go be miserable somewhere else. Life is too short to be mad at the world

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Internet-Dick-Joke@reddit

My original comment was "either a lie or he has connections in the department", and one of those two things has been proven true. Not taking every single thing at face value, especially when there are suspect details, isn't "exhausting cynical". What ever happened to "don't trust every thing you read on the internet"? That still has to apply even when what you read supports your biases, otherwise you just get a circle-jerk. Interviews for an organisation like the MOD typically have multiple stages and multiple people involved in the interview, not just one single interviewer, and we don't even know if their relative was the one who interviewed them or if somebody else stepped in to conduct the interview. You're jumping on the assumption that the people who were hired had something wrong in their interview process and were hired only due to their relative, while the commenters interview process was entirely above board and he didn't in any way benefit from his connections, rather than the possibility that the better candidates actually got hired. > Life is too short to be mad at the world And the irony of say that when I'm not the one who was bitching on reddit because someone else was offered a job over me. I'd say the commenter who was complaining about not getting the job and certain it had to be some kind of injustice was a far better example of "mad at the world".

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Mr_Bo_Jandals@reddit

Eh, I’m not reading all that. Block. Move on.

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SmugDruggler95@reddit

You cant imagine that someone might know someone at a job they are applying for?

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Internet-Dick-Joke@reddit

But if they already know people in the department, then they arguably had connections too, and them being hired would have just been another case of a person with connections in the department being hired over those who have no connections.

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SmugDruggler95@reddit

Not if the person in question was removed from the hiring process.

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I_AmA_Zebra@reddit

MOD is actually the one place I might expect you to have failed the interview in favour of the other 2 Maybe he helped get the initial interview but that family connection would’ve have to have been disclosed so the rest of the team would’ve known about it I might be wrong and also not trying to put you down, but, it may be an unlucky case of you happened to lose to 2 of the same family lol

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Dry_Action1734@reddit

How did they get the independent on board with that?

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WoodSteelStone@reddit

If you didn't get a job there, how did you find out about the family connections?

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Edo1405@reddit

My dads best mate worked on site and told me about the job, then the subsequent employees told

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bsnimunf@reddit

Reverse nepotism. Your dad's best mate told everyone you were shit.

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Edo1405@reddit

That is also an option 😂

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NotSayingAliensBut@reddit

Fair do's mate, that comment gets you Brit of the Day award 👍🍻😁

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rice_fish_and_eggs@reddit

So their nepotism trumped your nepotism. Unlucky.

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PeterG92@reddit

Well that's a conflict of interest and should not be happening

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ok2888@reddit

On the bright side, I was nepotised into my father's company and was immediately hated by everyone. People would report me if I got to my desk 2 minutes late, people would deliberately set me tasks that I hadn't been trained on and then report me for doing them wrong, I was excluded from all social events, on my first day somebody sent a very passive aggressive email to the entire firm stating that "x's son has started working here, despite not having a degree" they even made my wage significantly lower than what had been advertised and what other people in the same role were getting🤣. Decided after my 6 month contract was up I'd rather fend for myself.

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Unhappy_Clue701@reddit

That doesn’t sound like it was actually your dad’s company. If it was his, why didn’t he set a better wage?

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ok2888@reddit

Well by his company I mean he works there and is quite well respected so they allowed him to have his son work there. But they weren't happy about it and they only allowed it under certain conditions.

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Altruistic_Law9756@reddit

Nah fuck that every man for himself bullshit. Organise, do direct action and make life fairer for everyone.

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giants_lens@reddit

I agree. But how? In a realistic and non idealistic way?

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EntireFishing@reddit

This is the realest comment here. My dad used to say to me there's always somebody with a bigger aeroplane. Just get on with what you've got and don't focus on other people. Focus on what you can do. If you're interested in wealth, some of the wealthiest people in history that were ethically legitimate. We're also leaving school at 16 and came from a poor background. Yes connections can definitely help but but no one can help more than you can

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spyder52@reddit

Nepotism only getting you a job at a bar leaves more to be desired

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Maya_amelia1997@reddit

Yeah you just sound jealous and petty - at least you admitted it. Don’t know why you seem to think some random college girl’s life affects you.

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CracKING23@reddit

There is always someone richer, smarter and more handsome. Just do your own thing and try not to kill anyone

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PerformerOk450@reddit

Amen

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planetwords@reddit

Reddit is full of over-privileged arseholes, that's my general opinion. I totally empathise. My parents are well-off, but they chose not to share that wealth with me very much, as they 'didn't believe in it'. Meanwhile, most of my peer group have had their lives made substantially easier by parental supoport throughout adulthood. Unfortunately it doesn't get better as you get older, you just realise that you're simply - better than them, because you're playing life on a harder difficulty mode.

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JellyfishNo2032@reddit

Nepotism is a good thing. You’re supposed to help your family.

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Shot_Fly6100@reddit

Life is short and we all only live once so personally I find nothing wrong in parents supporting their older children with money, cars, help with jobs etc. I don’t see anything wrong with super well off parents “spoiling” their kids either. I’m a nurse so not well off by any means, but I will do as much as I can for my children for as long as I can. I’ve never understood the interest in watching them struggle so they can learn some life lesson when you could just help instead - obviously not referring to people who aren’t in a position to help.

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Hminney@reddit

You can be jealous but it won't make a difference. That's life. She might be very jealous of you because you have drive, or are nicer than her.

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Necessary-Warning138@reddit

She sounds like she has fairly wealthy parents but so do a lot of people that you’ll meet in life. No part of what you’ve written mentions anything about her actions, her personality, or how she treats you. Try asking her about her hobbies or something, and try to see her as a person. In the nicest way possible, you have gathered a LOT of information here so she is clearly taking up a lot of mental space. You will have a better time if you find a way to move on from jealousy and focus on yourself. Would it make you feel better if she did struggle later in life?

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PiercedX123@reddit

I suspect your mother came from the same sort or background I did - we all had part time jobs from age 14 because there was no other way to pay for life’s luxuries. One question I need you to think about is how much time her parents spend with her. If they are earning enough to treat her with material things she maybe isn’t getting the emotional support you are.

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seahorsesaviour@reddit

Jealousy. Stay in your own lane

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Competitive_Bear_541@reddit

More power to them. Life sucks in general, I couldn't care less if someone is being handed more than me. Just survive and have peace. I am looking forward to the day where I close my eyes and it never opens again. Until then, just continue surviving and maintaining peace of mind while enjoying some meal deal in lunch time is enough.

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BriennesBitch@reddit

As other have said, welcome to life. Others gets dealt better hands, it’s how you play it that matters. You might not beat them but if you play it well it enough you certainly won’t come last.

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litshlt@reddit

Commenting to maintain the ratio 🥸

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NorthernMunkey8@reddit

My mum and dad came from nothing. Built everything they have through sheer hard work. A lot of my childhood, my dad was at work, he missed a lot of stuff working 12hr shifts up until he retired. Thankfully, he earned really well with the job he had, which meant when we turned 18, we had a couple of thousand £ in a savings account for us. They also paid for our driving lessons and tests. But, I still went out and got a part time job after leaving school. Had a few messed up years with mental health etc, but am currently 33yrs old, work full time (and work my arse off, if I do say so myself) whilst studying part time at uni. In the school holidays, I work an extra job to earn more money. Just because my Dad worked his bollocks off enough to be able to give me a hand, doesn’t mean I’m spoilt and lazy. In fact, it made me have the same work ethic. Now I have my own family that I want to work my bollocks off to provide for, and make sure they have a good start too!

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Roughdag@reddit

These are in my view completely normal things. But wait, when you find out that parents are saving monies for their kids from moment they are born to help them pay for uni or house deposit. We are now coming to personal finances and what we can and wish to do for our children. I completely understand that not all parents have financial means to save a lot for kids, but if all would save the children the monies they qualify from outset by government (now c. £100 a month), by them time child is 18 and assuming no interest £21,600!. (Some even save these monies even if they are not eligible, mainly to being her earners. I'm not commenting or judging other parents if and how much they are saving for their children. I can only say my parent and grand parent helped me a lot thought my life, and I wish to help my kids as much as I can.

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JockMctavishtheDoggy@reddit

Your mother is wrong - her parents are doing her favours, and, aged 40, I don't know a single person who's life was made worse by help - of any kind - from their parents.

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FairyQueene96@reddit

I think it really depends on the individual child/teenager. If they’re emotionally mature, understand consequences, appreciate the value of money, and have a solid sense of long-term responsibility and work ethic, then I don’t see an issue with providing them a car. By that age, their core values and habits have already been strongly shaped by their parents. If their parents are reflective and a good judge of character then it’s likely a good choice for their child. Personal anecdote: My father grew up in severe poverty and deprivation, which left him hardworking but financially impulsive. After having so little, he struggles to spend wisely and still carries resentment toward his parents. I also grew up with very little and, as an adult, initially made poor financial choices because I was spending money on things I imagined would visually “elevate” me to the class I wished to be, even ending up with a small credit-card debt. In contrast, my mother was raised with stability, resources, and family support - private schools, paid tuition for university, living on military bases - yet became a hardworking and principled person. My husband also grew up with plenty - his parents paid for his lessons, car, and education - and he is responsible, financially literate, and independent. Growing up, his family even had servants, a nanny and a cook in the home at the company’s compound where his father used to work. These experiences showed me that having more doesn’t prevent good character, and having less doesn’t guarantee it.

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Impossible-Ad4765@reddit

If i had the ability to give my children everything i would. My parents made me pay board while living at home and would increase it when i got a payrise. Had to move out and rent, now 32 and probably wont own a home until the day my parents die. Out of all my friends the only ones who own their own homes are the ones who were aloud to stay at home rent free and save up. (I don’t blame my parents for my situation as my brother was in pretty much the same position as but he bought is own home years ago, but he’s a lot more intelligent than i am)

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SimpleTennis517@reddit

As long as she doesn't act like an entitled spoiled brat with no respect for anyone then I don't care. Jealous absolutely

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Hefty_Anywhere_8537@reddit

Similar thing happened to me. My parents weren't rich, and had rough upbringings, but decided to give me and my brother the 'best 'childhood they could. Admirable. House in the country, paid for this that and the other. Didn't have a job till I left uni. Both of us ate shit in our 20s and fell apart. Were not prepared for the world at all. Drugs, debts, bad relationships, couldn't hold a job down. Took years to sort ourselves out

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bardeh@reddit

Sounds like you're being needlessly jealous. Spend less time concerning yourself with what others have and mind your own business.

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-Intrepid-Path-@reddit

I was fortunate enough to not need to work until I finished university as my parents were able to support me financially (by this I mean help me pay for the basics, nothing luxurious). I am extremely grateful for this but there were many things they were not in a position to support me with that my peers had support with from their parents, and I had plenty of responsibilities that many of my peers did not have, so it was swings and roundabouts really. I do not think I was in any way disadvantaged by not having to work whilst in education.

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-Intrepid-Path-@reddit

I was fortunate enough to not need to work until I finished university as my parents were able to support me financially (by this I mean help me pay for the basics, nothing luxurious). I am extremely grateful for this but there were many things they were not in a position to support me with that my peers had support with from their parents, and I had plenty of responsibilities that many of my peers did not have, so it was swings and roundabouts really. I do not think I was in any way disadvantaged by not having to work whilst in education.

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Says_Who22@reddit

There are always going to be people who seem to have more than you, just as there are always going to be people who have less than you. Parents do the best they can for their children and it’s nobody else’s business, quite honestly. Yes, we provided our daughter with a car and paid her insurance. She had a life limiting condition and died before she reached 26. Are you jealous of her? I doubt it. Do you begrudge her the few luxuries we were able to provide her? I hope not, because what would that say about you? Do the best you can with the gifts available to you. Jealousy and envy are bitter things, and a complete waste of your time.

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skyline1974@reddit

I'm a bit tired of this attitude that life should be hard all the time. I do all this stuff for my 17yo son - anything to make his life easier. He's a clued up kid and knows not everyone has the same experiences, he's grateful for everything and knows that life can be a struggle sometimes. I just don't see the need to put unnecessary stress and responsibility on him at this age.

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Busy-Treat2821@reddit

Jealousy is such a pointless emotion that I've never understood. If someone has it worse, hold out a hand. If someone has it better, be glad they got a hand before they needed yours. Remember, someone is lookong at you and wishing they had it so easy, such is life 🥰

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Choice-Standard-6350@reddit

It depends on her personality. I had a friend like this and she was an under achiever because she could just ask her parents for money and they gave it to her. For others it might not stop them being ambitious

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adezlanderpalm69@reddit

It’s a marvellous idea if they can afford it. Who wants their kids being a wage slave in dead end retail Or hospitality if it can be done

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EquivalentBag23@reddit

She's never going to have any idea about struggle, because she's never going to have to struggle. I had someone at my college whose parents were the same and they brought her a flat as well. Jealous, yeah I am, a bit.

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Few_Aerie_Fairie@reddit

I feel like if she’s the type of kid who loves their parents, is a good kid and kind, I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. She’s still working even if the job is handed to her, therefore gaining experience. Not everyone turns into rotten brats. For example, (slightly different) I have friends who are fortunate to live with their parents in a house well into their 30s, the amount of stress and hard work I had to endure because of coming from a broken family working several jobs and school to live on my own my whole adult life is so hard. I’ve never been truly jealous but ppl need to also know that things like that are a privilege. However when I have a husband and children, I would be similar to give them the best as long as they remain a great kid, loving, and working. You should want better than what you had for your children, while I don’t have any yet, that’s how feel. And it’s not really anyone’s business but I understand OP just posted to have a discussion.

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Similar_Beginning842@reddit

I had a part time job at 17 which I used to fund my driving lessons. I passed and on my 18th birthday my parents bought me a £250 scrapper of a car. I was so happy. My girlfriend at the time had a very well off family. Ferrari and super bikes kind of money. They bought her a brand new Mercedes and gave her a job as manager of a restaurant they owned. We were both 18 and I earned £16k/ year as an apprentice whilst she was on £50+k/ year. One evening whilst trying to show off her car to her friends she ended up writing it off along with 2 other cars. I wasn’t in the car and she wasn’t hurt. Though the police turned up, she was over the alcohol limit and arrested along with losing her license. Her parents then stopped funding her and took away her well paying job. I haven’t seen her in 8 years but from what I’ve heard she’s working in a call centre for minimum wage and I’m now earning closer to what she used to get. There’s nothing wrong with nepotism but you need to focus on what hand you have been dealt. It may take more time for you to climb ladders but it will happen if you put your mind to it. There will always be people who get an easier life. But there will also be people less fortunate than you who would do anything to be in your position.

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anikah-@reddit

Children should have things handed to them - it is a parent’s job and legal responsibility to provide. But ultimately, it’s up to each family to determine what and when it should be provided. I used to think my parents provided me with less than everyone else because they wouldn’t pay for school trips, or give me pocket money, or buy branded trainers, branded cereal, etc. But actually, they have never charged me rent (even in my 20s), they paid for my driving lessons, they gave me my first car and they have always lent me money if I was ever desperate. Now that I’m older, I finally understand that my parents wouldn’t have been able to afford half the things they gave me if they had pandered to my childish wants. And I understand the value of money through seeing how my parents prioritised our needs and wants. Most people emulate their own upbringing if they think they turned out fine. I’m sure both sets of parents are doing the same - and neither is wrong! This is a valuable life lesson for you: it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. Perhaps if you judge her less, you’ll be friends and she’ll get you a job there too.

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Suspicious_Banana255@reddit

She won't struggle, your mum's just saying that to make you feel better. Her parents will probably help her get a house too, lucky her, she doesn't have to struggle. As a parent whatever I can do for my child I will.

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Simple-Appearance-59@reddit

Tbf the OP may have got some sort of job age 16, but I work with young people and it’s not the norm like it was. The vast majority of 16-18 year olds (in education) who I have worked with have not had part time jobs. The Saturday jobs aren’t out there in the same way anymore - they’re all worked by adults for minimum wage on zero contacts.

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Mondaycomestoosoon@reddit

Lazy

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Wrong-Toe-8811@reddit

I agree with your parents and your gut instinct on this one. No one born with a silver plate ever got far without life knocking them back a peg or two or being humbled. It’ll happen to her. Even if I was a billionaire, I’d still be nothing without humility, life skills and generosity toward others.

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Excellent_Grape8530@reddit

As a parent, I would love to be able to give my kid a good start. I do understand the importance of promoting independence too... Just seems like they're trying to do what they can for her. All the best to you and your progression👍🏻

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PlanktonLopsided9473@reddit

I can see it from both sides: Parents who grew up struggling not wanting their kids to have the same struggles and have a better life than they did, give them help that they didn’t get etc. But Handing your kids everything and they never having to work for it creates spoiled entitled adults

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Kayanne1990@reddit

I think there's a difference between someone being pampered and someone being spoiled.

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Pedantichrist@reddit

It is a sliding scale. For many, what you have equates to you being spoiled.

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TooMuchBrightness@reddit

Life is really hard without family help. I moved to London at 18 and quickly realised how many people were being supported by their parents. They lived a life of low anxiety and were very confident. They worked in various cool or glamorous jobs none seemed entitled or horrible. I would love my kids to grow up like this so they can concentrate on their careers and not be panicking about rent and if you could afford to eat toward payday like I did. I suppose that’s not ‘handing them everything”.

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Unearthingthepast@reddit

What is she like as a person? If she is a horrible self centered brat, I would agree her parents actions have probably back fired. If she is level headed, down to earth, and gets on with people,I would say no real harm done...

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bofh000@reddit

Absolutely normal behavior. Both from her parents, who luckily can afford to help her get a good start in life. And from your mom, who probably finds it easier to judge those parents, than deal with the unpleasant feeling that she wishes she could do the same. Both sides are good parents, doing their best. As an aside, your colleague will very likely not struggle in the future is she holds on to her job, education etc. Being rich doesn’t mean she isn’t a hard worker.

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Practical_Ear_2668@reddit

OP don’t listen to the comments from the people (probably considerably older than you) being mean. It’s absolutely valid to be jealous of someone who has privileges that you don’t. And despite the comments claiming the opposite, the things you’ve mentioned ARE privileges. Albeit not the most outlandish privileges, but definitely significant for a young person who can’t rely on or expect the same treatment from their family. I think the general view on this depends on the individual being ‘handed things’. Are they generous, kind, modest, aware of their luck? Will this girl give you a lift in her new car? Would she help you also get a job alongside her in the bar? If so- don’t resent her, just acknowledge that she’s been given a slight head start in life, and that stings, then focus on what YOU’RE gonna do with YOUR life. If she’s the opposite- lazy, incompetent, mean, selfish, braggy. Then her parents helping her out now isn’t gonna get her far in life. Good luck in College!

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Past-Strawberry-4852@reddit

If you think this is girl has been handed everything you are in for a massive shock. A girl who is parents are actually rich are given things like a property, fancy jewellery and luxury holidays abroad. You sound bitter and jealous, it is just a fact of life that there is always someone richer or poorer than you and if their lifestyle isn’t hurting anyone else, this is a you problem. Work on improving your life and minding your own business and you will be much happier. Comparison really is the thief of joy.

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Bjork_scratchings@reddit

Sounds like a normal middle class family. There are much more extreme versions of elites with generational wealth that have never worked a day in their lives. This doesn’t sound so terrible and she may well be perfectly well adjusted with a decent work ethic.

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Equal_Coast9853@reddit

Listen to your mother, she’s right, they aren’t doing her any favours. I know it’s hard not to feel a bit resentful when you’re busting a gut but think also about the satisfaction that you will get by achieving everything you want by your own hard work, and you will. Try not to dwell on it too much and focus on achieving your own goals instead 😊🩷

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JayBreaker@reddit

It is what it is. If you were a parent wouldn't you want to give your young ones the best chance at life? Some have better facilities to do so than others. As long as they aren't being a massive twat about it then let them live.

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Prestigious_Bell3720@reddit

Sounds like you're salty that she didn't have to struggle

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Prestigious_Bell3720@reddit

I think it's amazing that her parents are able to do this for her

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Short-Sand-70@reddit

Hopefully, your own experiences have given you grit and resilience as they are great qualities that flourish when things aren't handed to you. Don't waste time being bitter. It's fair to sometimes feel jealous but try to replace them with feelings of gratitude, I'm sure there are many with less than yourself also.

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bogdahnthevet@reddit

People like this will eventually feel the waning support from their parents eventually due to age or whatever and then they are left on their own to fend for themselves and everything falls apart, not every time, but a lot of the time. Take initiative and LEARN to do things yourself as soon as you can because you'll find out one day that the best person to rely on is yourself.

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Goudinho99@reddit

I'd hope at a crucial juncture in my kids life, she will be able to study because she has the time by not working. Thats quite normal

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ubiquitousuk@reddit

OP: were you out foraging your own food age 10? Will you apologise for all the advantages you had over the world's poorest? If not, what are you complaining about? People do nice things for people they like. Parents especially do nice things for their kids. At the end of the day, your job is to keep your eyes on the lane ahead of you and make the best of your situation that you can. If you spend your time worrying about the headstart others got then you will be forever miserable because the world is full of millions of people who are richer than you and will have an easier life. Let them have their fun.

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Exotic-Voice-4729@reddit

I got a scholarship to a posh private school when I was a kid but came from a poor background. All my friends had extremely wealthy parents who paid for them to have driving lessons, cars, paid for their university tuition fees, rented then places to live, bought them houses helped them if they wanted to change careers etc. all except 1 had very fortunate and happy lives. The 1 exception died of a heroin overdose in his mid 30’s but he’d already gone down the drug route before he came to the posh school. I would absolutely give my kids the help that my friends were given by their parents if I could.

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mentaldriver1581@reddit

I think your mother is right.

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Desperate_Hat4116@reddit

Put it this way. I've always worked from 17 onwards. My first car was a Peugeot 205 for £50 (only ever needed wipers for MOT, loved that car) and paid for everything myself. Now. After my father's passing. I have a house. Car and assets at age 33, things he's left me. Rather have my dad but you know. I feel the "pull up by bootstraps" method has helped shape who I am, however, like my dad did, who wouldn't want to help their kids live on easy mode?

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LittleBadger101@reddit

It's so petty to be jealous of a person because their parents were able to provide and care for them. You need to unpack your own shit. Parents paying for driving lessons is not "having everything handed to her." Why wouldn't you set up your child for a successful life if you have the means. Thinking everyone else should struggle because you are is pathetic and I come from a working class background. I needed to earn my own money but I don't begrudge anyone else for having a more comfortable life.

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NigelFarageBarmyArmy@reddit

So her parents made her work at 18? They sound decent tbh

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Katatonic92@reddit

Granted her independence with the driving lessons & car too. These sound like good parents who got the balance right. OP doesn't know what goals they set to get those things either, she may have had to get certain grades in her GSCEs & A levels to get those things. And the second she hit 18 she got put to work. OP is angry about the wrong things.

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CulturedClub@reddit

And if she is working in a bar she needs to be able to get home safely late at night without spending half her wage on a taxi

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TroublesomeFox@reddit

Ikr the more I read about these parents the more they sound like GOOD parents and I want to ask them for advice.

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floppymitralvalve@reddit

Exactly.. I worked from 15 onwards because my parents couldn’t afford to give me pocket money at all, and I wanted a bit of independence. My husband’s parents were better off and actively didn’t want him to get a job while he was still in school so that he could focus on his education - but the expectation was that he’d keep getting the grades (which he did) in return. I don’t think I suffered for having had a job in school, but out of the two options I’ll definitely want to do it the latter way for our son.

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Katatonic92@reddit

This is it, we do what we reasonably can to help our daughter. You want your kids to have help in life while they work hard & put in effort in other valuable areas. Not every life lesson should be related to money, there are other ways to work hard & achieve things. That's the balance & the difference between just handing them everything without having to do anything for it as OP states. OP isn't wrong for taking the positives out of having to do things the harder way, but they are wrong for thinking you can only truly learn or value something if you gained it the harder way. I completely understand it sucks that not all parents can do the same level of things, I guarantee it sucks for them too & they wish they could make your life just a little easier. There's a huge difference between helping someone to achieve something & enabling someone to avoid having to achieve anything.

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LizardPosse@reddit

My parents made me work at 13 scrubbing pots and pans in a shitty Mexican their acquaintance owned. Did it suck ass? Was I paid £5 an hour for my labour? Did it add 15 hours onto my week on top of school? Yep. Did it teach me invaluable life lessons without me even realising I was even learning them? Oh yeah. Big time. Wouldn't change a thing. Do the same for your own kids. They'll hate it and you but they'll have a much easier time looking after themselves when they're young adults.

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anotherMrLizard@reddit

On the other hand, I know plenty of people who did just fine looking after themselves as young adults who didn't have to do child labour.

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Wild-Researcher-1360@reddit

Dad was similar, gifted me a Mercedes on my graduation, paid for everything made sure I had all the designer gear in school and always best dressed. Not gloating, I had a terrible mum and a horrible childhood with her and I think my dad was just doing the most to give me a normal life. I got 2 degrees, work a great job, 27 now but my dad still treats me to things, but life humbled me and I dont believe I am spoilt or ungrateful. I think if parents have the means for it it's fine, just make sure they have good character instilled in them too. Life humbled me at a young age so I didnt really have chance to boast or act entitled, my Dad just did it out of love. He is in his 60s now but I know if my life ever came crashing down he is there to catch me. A wonderful father

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Hot-Box1054@reddit

It would be wiser for her parents to teach her how to stand on her own two feet but from reflection I’ve found that some parents who don’t know how to parent or who feel guilty over something, those tend to be the ones who simply throw money at their kids. I definitely don’t begrudge leaving money to your children because if I had kids or was wealthy I would do the same. But paying for everything she wants… each to their own. I would go somewhere down the middle. Spoil her if she gets good grades, buy her nice things on special occasions. But I wouldn’t give her everything just because she asked for it.

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Apart-Purchase9580@reddit

Just to note that compared to when a lot of redditors were this age, driving lessons and tests are incomparably more expensive and harder to get. It's a hard cost to meet as a full time employed adult, let alone as a 17 or 18 year old with a part time/minimum wage job. I'd say it would be unfair to expect one's child to meet these costs themselves if you have the disposable income to pay for it.

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notthiswaythatway@reddit

I got nothing at all given to me, and all it made me was sad and tired. Now I’m a parent I give my daughter what I can, and she has a happy life, included in her friendship groups. Money doesn’t buy you happiness is the biggest lie ever, it absolutely does

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radbasket@reddit

A lot of people here saying you're acting crazy like a car isn't that big a deal.. even with insurance and all paid for!! A lot of people here must secretly be rich. A lot of parents struggle to put food on the table never mind buying a car and not asking for keep

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oportoman@reddit

Sounds like a proper princess. If you get everything handed to you, what do you do when life gets hard? Where does the resilience come from? That's the problem

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thatPingu@reddit

>Am I jealous? Absolutely. Say less, end post

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mslouishehe@reddit

This is all very normal. In fact, I would be very disappointed of myself if I couldn't provide this basics for my children. Mind you, I paid my way through life since 18. I got myself jobs, paid for my rent, bills, food, driving lessons and even some uni fees and visa fees (being an international student) etc. My parent couldn't help me much because their financial situation was not great either. The struggle might have helped me build grit and courage and gave me some life experience, but it also came with a lot of trauma. Honestly, I don't glorify it and wish noone having to go through what I'd been through. There are many different ways to build characters and gain experience, but letting your children struggle when you can help certainly only breed resentment down the line. Another thing I can tell you for sure is that none of my uni class mate who was "handed everything" ended up worse than me, as long as they were decent, hardworking people. They all have good paying jobs, interesting hobbies and loving families to come home to. I am sure your friend will do just fine.

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piglamesh@reddit

Your mother is right.

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OK_TimeForPlan_L@reddit

Nah fuck that if I had kids they will have enough of their life doing jobs they hate realistically i'm not gonna force that on them at 16 let them enjoy their youth. If they wanted something that I can't afford to give then obviously I could suggest they earn their own money to put towards it but if I could afford then why not give them stuff I couldn't have at their age?

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lavagirl333@reddit

when i was 16 I didn't know many 16 year old with jobs and getting a job in a bar because your parents knows one of the managers is hardly nepotistic.

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chrestomancy@reddit

Not really sure what the "UK" part of all this is about, but anyway. I think most of us had a friend like that. Parents bought them a car, while we borrowed the family car and had to work part-time to pay fuel, insurance and maintenance contributions. Parents paid their university fees, while we worked part-time all through and still built up big debts. Sometimes, the kid grows up great. They work hard, they are kind to others, they make a positive contribution to society. Sometimes, they don't do so well. They live with their parents for years. They don't get a job. I had one friend in this category, and, in all seriousness, after visiting the job center for three years without finding a job, he got hired by the job center. He never had any desire to do much. He crashed the car his parents bought him once, and they bought him another one. New. They weren't rich, either. He drove the first one into a ditch, and complained that because he'd left the window open, he'd got grass stains on his shirt and they didn't wash out. Anyway. You will never really know what someone else has had to deal with growing up. Look up "phenomenology" some time - the world you know is not comparable with that of others. Don't think you can look at just the money and decide who had the better deal. You have your trials to overcome, they have theirs. And how well they do is likely going to have zero impact on how good a life *you* lead.

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Nine_Eye_Ron@reddit

Can’t see any great issues, that just seems normal stuff to those who can afford it.

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TwirlipoftheMists@reddit

I try my best to help my friends and family. If I had children, which I don’t, I would do everything I could for them, which I hope included instilling a moral sense to “pay it forward” by also helping their friends and family. So no, I have no problem with this.

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Brilliant-Maybe-5672@reddit

Yes, she is lucky now but will struggle in life. She is entitled but doesnt realise it. She will not understand why she has to work, follow orders and will quit jobs in temper or be sacked because she hasn't been taught that you have to work. Even if her parents get her a cushy job using connections, she will not have the skills to be able to work with others and will not last. I have seen this happen a thousand times. Rich kids crying in my HR office because theyre shocked at how the boss spoke to them! Always hilarious.

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madam-pamplemousse@reddit

Yikes on your post history- figures you’re the type to think an entry level job in a bar is some sort of big privilege

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ariadnevirginia@reddit

I would want to do all of that for a child of mine. I'd try to keep them in the loop so they were aware of the costs so they knew what to expect in the future and it wouldn't be a surprise for them - it's not doing them a favor if you raise them to be clueless or out of touch. My mother was obsessed with me and my sisters working even when we were little - she felt so victimized by life that she self-identified as a person who had constantly been forced to work work work although that wasn't the case. So it irked her to see her children "lounging around the house not working" even when we were small. She resented every penny she and our dad paid for us to....exist...and made that clear. Children should get some financial support from parents, they didn't ask to be born.

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Ok-Signature2861@reddit

Your mother is right, I have a niece who was given everything in life, now her parents are no longer around she is living in a council flat with no job and no prospects at the age of 45

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RevolutionaryDebt200@reddit

My view is, unless the parents will provide enough that the kids don't actually have to work, the youngsters will fall flat on their faces when they finally do get a job because no-one will tolerate their bullshit.

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sophhh8@reddit

this seems fairly normal. it’s okay to feel jealous but i think you’re taking that out on her and trying to rationalise that what they’re doing is wrong rather than admit it’s jealously- especially since your mum encourages it

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Wiggidy-Wiggidy-bike@reddit

ruins kids instantly. effort becomes something that feels wrong and they end up confusing work and inconvenience with depression or stress. personal story though. watching a rich parent work away, then let his wife (from a horrid chav and criminal friends background) ruin the child and turn her into a spoiled arsehole who is now in with the same criminals and drug deals has honestly been a bit of shaudenfraude or how ever it is spelled. wife/daughter dont care about anyone around them and just resort to threats and just do what they want asuming no one will say no. id love to hear his thoughts on essentially having his family and money wasted and likely ending up in the hands of ppl who think he is a mug and just rinsing money from him. guy already looks depressed as fuck as soon as he arrives home and from talking, i got the same impression from when we used to talk and it was a "im too deep to stop" type thing.

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TenderfootGungi@reddit

This is normal for the upper half in the US. You experienced being born to poverty. It is why the biggest determinate of how much money you will make in your life is how wealthy your parents are. Getting a huge head start financially and getting connections to start a great career affect the rest of your life.

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midnightscare@reddit

She doesn't need to earn anything if she will be provided anything. Your mom is jealous and feels bad that she can't provide the same opportunities.

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ThatSamShow@reddit

People live vastly different lives all around the world. It's natural to feel a little envious at times, but if their life doesn't impact yours at all, it should be of no concern to you. Crack on with your life and make it the best it can be. As far as we know, we've only got one, so make it a good 'un.

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Kath_L11@reddit

It really depends on the parent tbh. In my experience, as long as the bank of mum and dad is operating, she might not struggle at all. The thing with having well-off parents is that you've got a built-in safety net that other people don't have. And isn't it a parent's job to make sure their kids don't have to struggle like they did? If her parents have the resources, why shouldn't they use them to help their daughter? God knows the economy is so bad right now, no one else will. And there's a big difference between helping your kid get a job in a bar and giving them a VP position in a multi-million £ company where they earn ££££ for sitting on a board of trustees. Your acquaintance's middle-class upbringing is much, *much* closer to yours than the daughter of an old-money bureaucrat's would be. She's had help, sure, which is a massive privilege. One of my friends is the daughter of a multi-millionaire, and when she needed a flat to move to London, they just bought her one in Chelsea. When her car broke, they bought her a new one. If she wanted to go shopping in Paris, or visit her family in China, he paid for her first-class tickets. *That,* imo, is having "everything handed" to them. Not just some help with a car and a bar job.

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Early_Bicycle6568@reddit

These are the same people that have parents as default childcare whenever they want it and to go on kid free holidays etc. They're usually totally unaware of how lucky they are and don't ever experience the reality check that you'd like them to. They sail through life.

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Aria9000@reddit

I had to pay for my driving lessons, car, insurance etc and couldn’t afford it till I was 24. Would have helped out massively driving at an earlier age and I don’t think it taught me any lessons particularly. I have a child now and I will make it a priority to pay for him to drive and safe car because it’s so important, doesn’t need to be a fancy car as long as it’s safe (I like rurally) First jobs can be really hard to get tbh so again I’d help my child if I could. Earning money and working is the real lesson and if they have some ambition to go down a route and work towards that when they are ready I’d be happy I’m not going to spoil him and he needs to learn the value of money/ hard work but I will definitely make life easier where I can

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Careless-Hair-6606@reddit

Comparison is the thief of joy girl

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EmpressAlaya@reddit

Why would you have a job at 16 years old, you’re literally still in school…? I think her parents are good parents actually, I would never expect a teenager to self fund their own driving lessons. This is literally a nothing burger complaint

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amberthezombie@reddit

Yeah I'd be jealous of them paying for the car but I don't think it's particularly uncommon at all. Most people I knew didn't have a job at 16 and none of us were particularly well off. I knew one or two who were bought cars by parents, some worked and bought their own. Most who did driving lessons had them as a birthday present. My parents offered and I declined knowing they couldn't afford it, and I still haven't learned. I got a job at the supermarket where my mum works at 18 on her recommendation. You'll be glad to know I've found my own jobs (2) since then and now run my own business so it's not caused me any issues.

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audigex@reddit

So you're upset that she didn't have a job, and then you're upset that she did? Pick a lane Not having to work at 16-17 is pretty normal, you're still a child. I see this as completely fine (just as it's fine if the 16-17 year old wants some extra money and chooses to get a part time job) It's very common for people to get a job at a shop/bar through the owner knowing their parents - because for the business owner it means they know a bit about the character of whoever raised them, have probably met them as a kid etc. I don't see a big problem there You really aren't describing some ridiculous level of privilege

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RBisoldandtired@reddit

Got some harsh news for you. No they won’t struggle cos her parents will set her up probably for life plus she clearly has some form of drive (which maybe is easier to have when you’re not worrying about other stuff but cest la vie). Have known tons of people who had everything handed to them growing up from cars, jobs even deposits for their first home that they owned. Doesn’t change the fact they went to school college and uni every day. Passed every exam. Passed their own driving test. Go to work every day. Pay all their bills themselves. Some parents are able to help their kids more in the earlier years. It doesn’t mean they’re being set up for failure. It’s pretty much just what jealous people say. Just focus on what you can do and not what others are doing and you’ll be much happier in life.

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grannysGarden@reddit

I worked from 15-18 at an array of shit jobs, McDonald’s included, then did quite poorly in my A-Levels. Wish I’d spent that time studying and I definitely wouldn’t encourage my kids to work until they’re done with secondary school. I think this is a privilege afforded to some who can afford it but doesn’t mean they’re overly spoiled IMO.

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TBackpack1@reddit

Hey, you are young, you have the whole life ahead of you. Plenty of opportunities for you out there too. As for my opinion on the matter, it depends on the perspective. I have been given so many things that my father wasn't, but not as many compared to many of my high school and other friends. I grew up without my own room for example, but I also slept by myself, whereas my parents usually slept with their whole family in the same room. My little sister, we hand her pretty much everything but we tell her how things are and she for being 17, has massive respect for it and helps out as much as she can. As soon as she turns 18, she will have a car and her driving licence that we as a family paid for. We pay for her private high school and for other things which I am not going to list, whereas for me, my father paid some and for some I paid myself and still do. This is what I worked for, so my sister and hopefully in the future my kids will have it "better". For the example in question, I don't particularly see anything wrong with it. They pulled strings to have her work at the bar, I mean its not the most glamorous job. As for her not working when she was 16, my sister didn't work either, she offered but we said concentrate for your uni applications. She decided in the end not to, but we would have supported her search, here is where I would do something different. I would allow my sister to search for jobs so she is prepared for the future as searching for jobs now is a nightmare but in the end we would have gotten her some sort of work either at a bar, nail salon or something. As I said in the beginning, you have your whole life ahead of you, is it fair he'll no and sometimes it bothers me to, that and many other things. We gotta make do with what we got. I am sure if your search through my Reddit history, you will pieces of my story and see what hand I have been dealt with and pushed through.

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trainpk85@reddit

Hmmm so I never got anything. Literally I had to find a job at a hairdressers as a Saturday girl then a job at matalan then a job at a bar etc and my mum wouldn’t even give me a lift to work. I never got a lick of help. I’m the opposite with my kids. My eldest started working in smyths toys a week after she was 16. Did I know someone who worked there who got her in? Yes. But she didn’t mess about. Did I give her a lift there and back. Yes. I don’t believe in the fact that just because I had it hard then my kids need to have it hard too. My ex is in engineering in nuclear, I’m in engineering in rail and my current husband is in engineering in infrastructure. My exes partner is in the auto trade. We have all offered to get both kids in on apprenticeships in all our companies. Engineers, welders, project managers. Whatever they want. We just want to help. Both kids? They want to be a midwife and a lawyer. We can’t help with those careers. However we are the back up plans if they need us. Will we be paying for driving lessons and providing cars? Yep. It’s something I’ve wanted to do since I found out I was pregnant. Honestly it’s because I didn’t have it and I want my kids to have more than I ever did. I do think kids need a part time job when they turn 16 because I think they need to learn how to interact with more people than family and friends but I don’t see a problem with getting help from family.

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oklistening01@reddit

You should be asking your parents why are they poor and have no connections lol jokes.

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metal_maxine@reddit

That isn't being handed everything. I didn't have a job at 16, despite my parents being in a less-than-great financial situation (Dad on stat sick pay, Mum working in WHSmiths, mortgage based on Dad's in-work pay) because I was expected to work on my A-levels. I met a girl at university (where I was on maximum loan, spent my summers on a production line and never went out) whose dad had bought her a flat to live in. The "buy somewhere for the kid to live and have them rent the rest of the rooms to chums to cover the mortgage then sell-up sharpish" strategy was a real thing in the early 2000s in places where property was cheaper. There were a fair number of people you'd consider "posh kids" on our course and, anywhere else, there would probably be some mums and dads doing that. Her flat was in Knightsbridge in London. I was sharing a room in a hall of residence with "facilities" down a corridor. "Entitlement" is relative. I doubt this girl is even behind the bar but collecting glasses and washing up. If she has a contract, it is probably only for hours when the place is busy so evenings only and potentially only some evenings (I had a friend whose parents ran a pub and some nights were just dead and we had the pool table to ourselves). She may be being paid cash-in-hand and certainly below the adult minimum wage. She is probably looking for a job a lot harder than you think.

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Additional_Show_8620@reddit

May be controversial but those aren’t very shocking examples of spoiling your child. If you can afford for your teen to not get a job at 16 and pay for their driving lessons that’s fantastic. We have all our lives to work.

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KindOfJanner@reddit

It's ok to feel jealous but don't let it seep into a need to punch down to make yourself feel better. It creates really bitter people.

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Prestigious-Aioli778@reddit

None of my friends had jobs in their 16-18 and I was in a public high school

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Mdl8922@reddit

It's what parents are supposed to do isn't it? I bought my daughter a car, I'm teaching her to drive in it. I've also got her a couple of jobs. I have friends in the industry she wants to work in, it makes sense to ask them if they can help out, I'd imagine every other parent would do the same. My parents bought me my first (and second/third cars) and fixed me up with work too.

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ALA02@reddit

Wait till you get to university and you meet the international students, they’ll make this girl look like a poor unprivileged orphan

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S3lad0n@reddit

All my Boomer/Dubai New Money emigré aunt talks about is how bootstrapping her son is, how gorgeous his inner city home is, and how amazing his London publishing career is going. All well and good, we celebrate the successes of others in our family circle. Except she doesn’t ever mention the +100sk inheritance he received from her parents’ will, nor the leg up he gets from his dad/her husband who is rolling in oil money & weapons dough from the Gulf. Then she has the gumption to look down on me and my sister for not having enough income to move out on our own or live similar cosmopolitan middle-class lifestyles. Like I’m sorry our parents didn’t play the game of tax-dodging and employing foreign slave labour to build wealth….

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BoxDesu@reddit

Not doing her any favours? Seems like they've set her up for life. I think a lot of this talk just comes from jealousy that they can do the same thing. Wleveryone complains about nepotism but you can bet your ass that if they were in a high enough position to pull some smoke strings to get their own kid a job they would. Why wouldn't you. Paying for a car or college instead of forcing them to get a loan and take on massive debt is great if they're in a position to do it. If this girls was 30 still living at home with her parents mocching with no job then that would be more of an issue but setting her up with a job at 18 is a great step

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Remarkable-Bid6898@reddit

I’m a bit jealous, as I have worked since the age of 13, but I think this is probably a somewhat normal situation for many teenagers.

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AntipodeanOpaleye@reddit

The fact she got a job at 18 already makes me ‘harder working’ than myself and most of my peers. My parents paid for everything up to and including university. It had no impact on my work ethic, and I’m now very successful in my field. Most my peers had the same upbringing.

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Jaded-Neat-9259@reddit

At the very least, she's getting to do some customer service work. I've known far far worse, kids who had everything, straight through uni and into politics with zero experience of daily life for the majority of people, now in parliament spouting on about personal responsibility and benefits. I'll try to hand as much as I can to my daughter. I don't want her to struggle as much as I did early on. There's no glory in it.

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cansbunsandpins@reddit

Comparison is the thief of joy. As you get older you realise that lots and lots of people get a leg up and ongoing support. It's not fair, but that's life.

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Mastercreed25@reddit

My Mums thing (not that I’m spoiled in the traditional sense, but rather in that I didn’t have to do household bits as a teenager and so on) was always that life’s hard enough. I might as well be left to enjoy my youth before years upon years of responsibility and such. Do I think it was wise? Not necessarily. I lack discipline in a lot of ways, my house is often a little bit of a mess, I struggle to do things like dishes straight after dinner. Short term gratification is so ingrained in me that I struggle to not to go straight for it. There’s a few other things in the mix; ADHD, so on, and it culminates in sometimes having a rough go of it. I went to bed at 6am last night for example, literally just cause i didn’t want to sleep. Work in progress and all that The point of all this rambling being, maybe her parents have the same view. The worlds enough of a struggle, give her all the advantages you can. Do think it’ll help her in the long run? Who knows. But despite the fact that I’m probably a bit worse off for it now, I cherish the years I lived at home. Maybe I was just naive, but the world was simpler.

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Xenozip3371Alpha@reddit

What kind of car? A really expensive new one, or something pre-owned and cheap, like a Fiat Punto?

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yourdad132@reddit

How is that everything? That's standard good parenting to look out for your child. It's not like you turn 18 and suddenly know what your doing and should be left to do everything yourself. Your still a baby at that age.

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Other_Reputation9217@reddit

If OP’s mother thinks that the only learning that is important in life happens in the first 18 years then it her that has been sheltered and not OPs colleague classmate If people are well enough off to find such things but choose not to, then they are ignoring the other privileges that they will have passed onto their offspring because they are only focussing on the direct cost ones Check them into a cave when they are 2 months old and see how well they get on - that’s the way to parent sans privilege 🙄

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HornyOompaLoompas@reddit

She's living the dream

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mangoesandpancake@reddit

This is from the viewpoint of someone whose parents did just this. I don't think it's handing your child everything or it leads to them not being driven in the future. I''m so grateful to my parents and understand the privilege that I was granted now. I do think that when I went to university I realised I had lived quite a sheltered life. I didn't understand why friends hadn't travelled extensively, had part-time jobs and were stressed about it. However, I still came out with a good work ethic, I'm driven and I would do the same thing for my future children that my parents did for me without hesitation. Super aware that I definitely managed to sway internships my way because of my parents and their friends but I still chose to carve out my own life and can only be thankful to them for it. If your parents had the financial means and connections then why wouldn't they?

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Embarrassed_Ad7378@reddit

I was extremely jealous of these type of people as my family just couldn’t possibly afford me these things and theyre also of the ‘well you’re an adult fend for yourself’ camp, however as I’ve worked with people who are more well off I see it from their side that they work hard and want their kids to have nice things. So I was always like oh so and so gets everything handed to them, but now as a mid 20 y/o I do see it as parents wanting to continue to support their children into adulthood.

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Nickjc88@reddit

My nephew's and nieces got everything from their parents but that meant they could save up and have more money for the future. They all have their own house, married, kids etc. all before they were 30. I'll do the same for my kids. As long as the kids stay grounded and don't take advantage of it then it's nice. They're our kids after all, we're meant to care for them.

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lizziexo@reddit

My husband also didn’t have a job until he graduated university, but we have a great house, nice cars, financially doing very well, and he has an incredible work ethic (which along with no distractions allowed him to get a first and a great graduate role). His parents also bought him his first car! OP assuming the parents are doing a disservice to their child is coming off as a bit salty, like you said as long as they’re grounded and not entitled then who wouldn’t want to set their kids up for an easier life.

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emmaa5382@reddit

The parent should parent the kid they have, some kids will be worse off for this kind of upbringing, others its the perfect environment to thrive. It depends on the kid and what problems they have.

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Jealous_Sympathy9402@reddit

All I can say is lucky her. If her parents can afford to do that for her then good for her. I also didn’t have parents who could afford this unfortunately but if they could they would have done the same. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy.

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Embarrassed_Put_7892@reddit

Sounds like my youngest sister. She’s the youngest of seven and she’s been coddled and indulged all her life. She doesn’t have a job because her part time job at Tesco was ‘too hard’ and ‘everyone was mean’ to her. She doesn’t go to college but that was ‘too hard’ and ‘everyone was mean’ to her (she’s definitely the common denominator in everyone ‘being mean’ to her). She gets universal credit whilst living at my dads house, while he pays her phone bill and her car insurance and everything else she wants, but she doesn’t like going to the job centre because they’re ’mean and unfair’ and make her apply for jobs and do stuff. She spends the rest of the time in her room with her boyfriend who also lives there, playing Minecraft and eating Mac Donald’s. They don’t do anything, they don’t go out or have a friends. This is her whole life and she has no reason to change whilst my dad and his wife pay for everything for her. The rest of us on the other hand had to work for everything we have and never got a hand out ever. And we all have jobs and lives and friends and families so make of that what you will.

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maht90@reddit

i have had a fair amount of privilege in my life so maybe I can't comment but im starting to notice all the "cool kids" i went to school with who had cars at 16 and were really stuck up and looked down their nose at me were from wealthy families.

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Holiday-Panda-2439@reddit

Sounds like vanity of small differences if you ask me. People in this country like Bojo who went to certain very expensive and exclusive schools that meant they were groomed to be PM from birth, and we have hereditary Lords and a hereditary monarch (who admittedly is by chance pretty good at his job.) Your coursemate's bar job is hardly the biggest example of a silver spoon or a leg up in britain.

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franki-pinks@reddit

Getting her a job at a bar is hardly a disgusting show of nepotism.

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Individual-Day632@reddit

I was almost on the hook reading this, until the bit where her high powered parents got their privileged daughter a job… in a bar. This all sounds pretty normal, honestly. That said, your mum’s not entirely wrong. The kid would arguably learn more from a little more hardship. But she does have a job now, so that’s something…

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gagagagaNope@reddit

You mum is wrong, she's just jealous, but really shouldn't be. Good parents of any income give their kids what they can afford. For some it's more than others. C'est la vie.

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Disappointed_Biped@reddit

As a parent, these are all things I would happily do for my children. My son is 16 and looking for a job because he wants one, he's still in full time education as well, so I absolutely don't *expect* him to get one right now. If there was anyone I could lean on to give him a hand into the working world, you bet your ass I would. None of the things you mention are really spoiling a kid, they're just supporting them. It would be different if they'd been handed a job well beyond their qualification or expertise, or a super flashy car but honestly these are just things that are *supportive* from a parenting perspective. It's not excessive. Am I jealous? Yes. I don't come from a supportive family, so I've never had that level of support and I've struggled for everything. I can understand why it irks you, if you've come from a similar background or were just raised with different values but it's actually not particularly excessive or unreasonable.

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Forward_Low_9931@reddit

most of those spoilt brats cant/dont hold a job long. just giving them everything will make their life harder in the long run by making them stupid and useless.

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Not-a-Cranky-Panda@reddit

Then one day the last parent dies and they may get left some money, but it'll be gone with in a year or so even if it's a lot, then the fun to the people watching starts.

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Gratuitous_sax_@reddit

I know someone like this, she moved from abroad at a young age to study (paid for by her parents) and lives in a flat (that they pay for). Any time she sees someone getting something that she doesn’t think they deserve, or that she thinks she deserves more than them, she has a massive meltdown and complains at the injustice. Usually throws in accusations of other people getting everything they want, without the self-awareness to realise that if her parents hadn’t done so much for her she’d have had a considerably tougher time of things.

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AnonymousTimewaster@reddit

> My mother says that her parents aren't really doing her many favours, as she has no idea what it means to earn something and she will struggle later in life. Whilst this is probably making your mum feel better about herself, it's very likely not true. People given everything on a silver platter might be arseholes, but they rarely struggle. They just continue falling upwards whilst you struggle on. It's like the old Frank Grimes story in Simpsons. He verifiably works harder than everyone else, yet Homer gets to keep plodding along because of pure dumb luck. It's a cartoon but it really reflects reality. "Knowing what it means to earn something" really doesn't count as much as having that leg up in the first place. I'm sure my peers who got given golden plated grad scheme jobs straight out of uni and now on 6 figure salaries aren't struggling as much as me and my friends with zero connections desperately clawing our way through the corporate rat race. As you grow older, you'll continue seeing these little injustices, and you'll eventually learn very harsh truth that the world just isn't fair or just. Your mum's attitude seems to be borne from a worldview that thinks "hard work" is all you need to get by and that somehow success is commensurate with hard work. Maybe that was true 60 years ago, but it ain't true now and hasn't been for a long time. We just don't live in a meritocratic society. If we did, we'd have 100% inheritance tax, nepotism wouldn't exist, and we wouldn't be living under a literal king. Elon Musk isn't becoming a trillionaire because he's worked a trillion times harder, or because he's just that much smarter than everyone else. It's because his parents were emerald mine owners and gave him all the tools he could ever need to succeed including a world class private education.

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Enough_Promise4285@reddit

I don’t get the point of this. Are we now only realising life’s not fair? What does crying about it achieve?

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rhi_ni@reddit

If I could provide the same to my children, of course I would. Teenagers have their whole lives to work. If you can afford it - why not?

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Asher-D@reddit

I agree, it's actually a disservice because she has no skills on how to help herself. Unless she's disabled in the way she can't do those things for herself, it's ripped her of the opportunity to fail and learn from that failure, now they may have pushed that potentionally failure back to where she has that failure at an age where it's deemed inappropriate.

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goingpt@reddit

If I was well off I would ensure my child would never work if they didn't want to. Life is for more than spending 33% of our time in offices but most of us aren't lucky enough to just ditch the job and live our lives because money. If I had a child I would do what I could to make their life as easy as possible. Just because I have to struggle shouldn't mean my child should have to struggle too if the finances were there to avoid that.

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jake_folleydavey@reddit

But confused at what you’re jealous of here? She’s been bought driving lessons and got a job behind a bar? Hardly nepotism is it? I’ve never understood the argument of “they won’t know true struggle”, what parents would actively want their child to struggle in life? Is anyone actually sat there thinking “thank god my parents didn’t give me anything, or I’d never appreciate my minimum wage job and the struggle of working out how to pay the mortgage next month”.

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HatOfFlavour@reddit

I'd like to think that if I could give my theoretical kids the best life possible I would. I'd try to make them see that they have advantages via me that other people don't get but I wouldn't withhold stuff in some idea of making them toughen up.

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Hippy49@reddit

I measure my success as a parent on the opportunities that I can provide my children and give them opportunity's that I didn't have when I was younger, something that I have take from my upbringing. If I get to the point that I can buy my child there first car (and all that goes with), I will. If I can get them a foot in the door for a job that they really want i absolutely would. Jealous..... That's normal, seeing others who have it easier that you don't feel are deserving is not nice. I'm also sure that there is someone near you that is Jealous of what you have too. (Relationships with family and friends not just physical assets) That said, would you turn down a free car if your mum gave you a set of keys one day? As a parent I believe your mum follows a similar thought train to me and my own parents. They matched my earned savings to buy my first £350 shit bucket car when I was 18. Had they more money, I know they would have given more. Understanding the freedom that is gained from being independent, I plan to do the exact same for my own children when they get old enough. I have had good friends in life that have started with a leg up and some that have not. All of them good people. I have met plenty of entitled and selfish people from both sides of life also. Nepotism gets thrown around a lot but who you become and what you do with these gifts and opportunities is what matters. The important bit is that you treat her as she is as a person, not for what her parents did for her. Does she see these opportunities as a blessing or a right? If the latter then you don't need to part of her world. Move on and work with what you have. Don't waste the energy being jealous as there will always be a another person like her wherever you look in your future life.

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Smidday90@reddit

100% they’ll struggle at some point. People I know do, they end up taking things for granted and expect things until reality hits them. I knew someone at uni who still got pocket money.

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Kijamon@reddit

Sounds a bit green eyed monster to me. None of those things are crazy. Even if it was - what makes you think she doesn't appreciate it? Both my wife and I have had better than most people help from our families but see it as it's not our money, it's our parents. And we both have jobs and totally appreciate that we have been lucky and others haven't. Not everyone getting parental help is a failure in life. Though my dad used to sell electrical products and buying my first set of AA batteries after he retired was a painful reminder of how fortunate I am

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listentomarcusa@reddit

If you can afford it I don't really think paying for driving lessons is that crazy - it's really an essential skill these days & you probably need to find just to apply for a job depending where you live. They got her a job so she's earning her own money, doesn't seem that outrageous tbh.

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painteroftheword@reddit

My daughter is only nine and parenting is already made more difficult by lazy parents who just give in their children's demands because it's easier than parenting and being present. - Want to sit on your tablet all day and night? Sure! - Want to wear stuff that doesn't comply with school uniform rules? Go ahead! - Want to have every random fad item they see on the internet? I'll buy it right away! - Want a smart phone at six years old with no parental controls? Here's the latest IPhone! - Want to social media from the age of 8 with no supervision including posting videos of yourself? Off you go! Daughter had a meltdown this morning because we said no to something her friends do. Do I enjoy dealing with meltdowns? No. Do I still say no when it's the right thing to do as a parent? Yes.

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bone_photographer75@reddit

My thoughts are some people have it easier some dont, there's no point comparing yourself as its futile and you get what your born into. What I did after a really shitty start at home, living with friends parents from 11 and living alone from 17 is break my arse to graft go to uni with 2 young kids then get a job work my way up. Did a lot of people have it easier? Yes. I was at uni with people who had laptops bought for them while I had to catch 2 buses to go to uni library (early 2000s) had their rent paid etc but there's no point feeling bad about it as its pointless. Its much better to just make your own goals and go after them regardless.

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DutchOfBurdock@reddit

Don't envy! You'll only do yourself an injustice. Just know in 30 years time, you got where you are because you worked for it. When you work for something, it means more! If you're given everything, you'll never learn.

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Draigdwi@reddit

It’s totally normal for parents to provide for their children till they are 18 or older if they continue to study. Pay for driving lessons and exams. Help find a job if the kid needs it. That’s what parents are for. I think it’s your parents who can’t or don’t want to and make it look like they are doing you a favour by not caring.

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Whole-Carob7407@reddit

Back in my home country my parents did for me exactly what you're mentioning about this girl. I had it all, and all I had to do was do a good job - not be the best necessarily, just be good. I then migrated to another country in my mid-twenties, and from that point on I've had to fight tooth and nail for any scraps that life happens to scatter my way. I could then witness people around me who had simply been born under better circumstances, who had it all and did not need to work anywhere near as hard as me - and I felt jealous. However, the moral of my personal story isn't 'hey, let's make my children's lives hard', quite the opposite, if I could give everything to my children to make their lives easier, I 100% would. On that same note, yes, you should prepare your kids for the road, giving them the tools to stand on their own, making sure they grow a thick skin and a good work ethic, but this doesn't mean you wouldn't give them the very best of everything if you were able to. Life simply isn't fair, but you can make things easier for those who come after. As for seeing people around you who have more than you and got it 'for free', that will never change, you'll always find people who have way more than you. I think you just need to let things be and focus on your own success. Hope this helps!

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Pitiful-Version9265@reddit

That's great and it's the ideal. Unless a personality truly needs it, artificially-induced struggle is a complete waste of time and detrimental.

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Logical_Warthog3230@reddit

My thoughts are you are jealous :) I'm sure she will have struggles in life as well. At least now she has a car to get around and she's got her CV started which will help her next job search. As far as I'm concerned her parents are doing her favours.

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head_face@reddit

Your mum is trying to be positive, but your friend's life will likely always be easier than yours in ways that you won't necessarily realise. She's likely to have better working conditions at the job that her parents got her than someone your age working for randos. She's less likely to need to spend the wages on necessities, and the frivolities that she does spend her wages on will probably also be subsidised by a parental allowance. I her car is newer than what you can afford then she'll have less stress there. Taking this forward a couple of years to if you were both at university - she'll have more time to study and socialise while you're presumably working more hours (probably during term time) just to stand still. Her parents will likely pay for her to go on holidays, you'll have to save up. Then think about after university - she could well end up with a better degree because she's been less stressed and more able to focus on coursework and exams. She's also likely to have her parents open up doors for her again. Rich people live much easier lives, you can tell yourself that you're building up grit and resilience but the truth of the matter is that your friend has the inside track.

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360Saturn@reddit

From 16-17, her parents didn't encourage her to get a job because she didn't need to. They just gave her money and paid for all of her driving lessons. When she passed her test, they paid for her car, insurance, petrol, everything. Back before the cost of living crisis, and before that, the 08 crash, this wasn't uncommon at all. People across society just had more disposable income proportionally.

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Excellent-Boat2883@reddit

Some people are born in to privilege, it is not a fault or a blessing it just is what it is. There is no one exact prescribed route for anyone through life, the problems people who started out from a privileged perspective are no less a problem or more a problem they are just problems and some people are natural problem solvers and some have to learn how to solve problems. There is a myth that the value to money has to be learned through hardship, this is a nonsensical comfort thought, poverty does not teach any kind of skill with money, it teaches only crisis managment skills with limited funds. People who have experienced finantial poverty often find they have no clue how to manage money beyond that of survival funds, so an inheritance of a few thousand can compleatly destabilise them as simply put they do not know what to do with it. Poverty creates a mind set of short term-ism, this is the damage it does, poverty is damaging I want to make that very clear, its not a "good" psycological experience, it leaves deep psycological scars. But the mind set of poverty teaches people to value things is also a myth, the short term-ism of poverty teaches people only to see aquisitions as the end goal, so in poverty if you buy a new item, say a car, then its an achievement, yes? but it isn't an achievement outside of poverty, its an unremarkable and resonable expenditure. That sentence exposes the poverty gap, what is reasonable and unremarkable becomes in poverty an achievement, because poverty is a fight against deprivation of basic needs. OP's mum thinks the girl won't know the value of things... she the girl knows the value of things, but your mum only know the fight for the chance to buy things that are overall perfectly reasonable requirments. No one in this day and age should have to fight for a min wage job so they can buy a car eventually. The energy, the creativity, the progress we are all forced by poverty to ignore in people who have been forced in to a system that does not offer equal standards for all. Don't be angry at someone who had a less poor background, be angry at the mega wealthy who have devised a system of opression with in their work forces that means you were born in to such a distorted society that even basic provisions were priced beyond your means.

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CatFoodBeerAndGlue@reddit

Yeah all of this is normal. If this is the bar for you to harbour so much bitterness towards someone I think it's you who is going to struggle in later life.

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catatonie@reddit

Seems normal. Also I don’t want my child to struggle later, if I could I’d definitely help out in any way if they were comfortable or needed it.

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StereotypicallBarbie@reddit

your parents helping you along in life a little if they are able to, I don’t think is necessarily a bad thing. I didn’t expect my kids to get jobs when they were at college. I would rather they focused on studies and I know not everyone is able to do that.. but if I can then that’s my business. I would also class 16 and 17 as still very much my responsibility.

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Strong_Bumblebee5495@reddit

Your mother will still be saying she is ruined when she gets her VP gig from nepotism in ten years

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Worldly_Science239@reddit

good for her, good for her parents you've got to let it go. there's always someone worse off than you, always someone better off than them. You've just got to play the hand dealt you and stop wishing for a different set of cards. The only thing you can affect is your reaction (but... when you hear any opinion she has on other people, that's based on her understanding on how the world works for most other people then you can take this helping hand into consideration when you listen to her)

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Alarmed_Crazy488@reddit

I’d say that’s pretty normal? I don’t think she’ll never struggle…a job in the bar is hardly being handed a lofty role in a family company. If I can afford to do that so my kids can concentrate on studying then I absolutely will. And they will for sure know the value of money. They already do.

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Ok-Case9095@reddit

You don't know how much getting that first job is/means when you grew up in poverty. It allowed me to finally afford the things I desired and I could laser focus on my A Levels/getting to Uni. Kids like the OP is talking about are already miles ahead in that they can focus their mental resources on their education.

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Alarmed_Crazy488@reddit

I really don’t see them as miles ahead at all. I had jobs from when I was 14, they were easy to get. I’m not really seeing this massive pedestal you’re all putting them on. And there’s nothing here to say they didn’t interview for it? It’s a bar job, not some HR manager fresh out of school who absolutely doesn’t deserve to be there. Jobs like that are ten a penny and easy to Get.

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TheTzarOfDeath@reddit

The problem is they think that using quick apply on indeed will get them a job. We technically post job adverts but every single person working here started because they already knew someone who worked here. I imagine bar work would be similar, why sift through 100 applications from Indians and people from 40+ miles away when your cousins daughter is a normal human who can probably do basic tasks?

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LmbLma@reddit

I turned 16 back in the 2008 recession and it took 1.5years of constant effort to finally get a part time job around college. Soul destroying. It consumed so much of my time. Thankfully it was the time of EMA payments so I had money to get to college/everywhere, and for printing CVs at the library haha

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Ok-Case9095@reddit

God bless the EMA. Used to ensure I didn't starve at college 😂

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Sarrebas89@reddit

Ah EMA! They definitely helped keep me in education. I remember my friend complaining that it wasn't fair that I was eligible for them and she wasn't because I also had a Saturday job working in Tesco. She didn't realise that they were means tested and the reason she wasn't eligible was because her parents earned a higher wage, whilst mine got paid just above the minimum wage. 😂

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Serious_Escape_5438@reddit

Yes of course they're miles ahead, which is why it's what good parents do. That some people don't have that doesn't mean parents who can afford it should refuse to help their kids. I wouldn't deprive my own child because not everyone has it.

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Ok-Case9095@reddit

There's a difference of say gifting your kid for their birthday 10 driving lessons and paying for everything on a plate even when they write off their car that you paid for.

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Unhappy_Clue701@reddit

Crabs in a bucket mentality, mixed with petty jealousy. Sadly, the UK specialises in this sort of shit, even about the most minor of things.

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Alarmed_Crazy488@reddit

Ps. Your mother is also jealous.

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NemiVonFritzenberg@reddit

They are setting her up to fail

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ChocolateG0ku@reddit

As the kid who wasn’t handed everything either, I too hated it when I saw friends of mine get a much easier ride of everything in life. Over the years I came to learn that, sometimes that is life and the experiences that I had have helped shape me as the person I am. Now I have my own kid, I actively want to make his life easier than mine was and hope that I can. Well done for working hard. Back yourself.

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Furioushuman@reddit

I agree with your mother. I have a granddaughter who is exactly the same as your friend. The parents won't be there forever and real life is going to hit hard.

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Shannoonuns@reddit

This isn't that bad. Like if she had no work experience much past 18 she could be in trouble especially if she wasn't in higher education but no job until 18 and her parents being generous with money isn't that bad or uncommon. What she does going forward could be an issue but so far I don't see any red flags.

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Lambsauce444@reddit

No one actually respects someone who doesn’t work for what they have, they may also use them for their money or possessions. Also I feel proud to say I’ve worked for everything I have, never had anything in life handed to me and no one can take that away from me.

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seizethed@reddit

This might be a bit different from what you’re used to. In our culture, it’s common for parents to cover our university expenses, and we typically don’t take on jobs until after we graduated (21 years old) and pass the board exams required for our licenses in whatever field we studied. For me personally, my parents did the same for me and my older brother. We received weekly allowances, didn’t have to contribute financially to the household, and were able to focus on our studies while going out with friends and enjoy life. Anything we needed, they took care of. Once we graduated, they also helped us secure jobs in our respective professions, partly because they were well-connected. So yes, there was a bit of nepotism involved. But despite that, it taught us the value of hard work. (I'm now working abroad!) We’re constantly reminded of the effort it took to get to where we are now, and that work ethic has become ingrained in us. Watching our parents struggle but still overcome challenges shaped how we approach our own careers, and it motivates us to strive to be as dedicated and resilient as they were. It really comes down to how you look at life. From the outside, it might seem like we had it all, like we were spoiled or didn't have to work for anything but that’s not really the case. It was just our parents (my mom and stepdad) doing their best to provide for us.

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sicilianprincipessa@reddit

Now I’m wondering if I’m a nepo baby haha. Got my first job through my boyfriend at the times mum at 17. Got my lessons and car and first years tax and insurance paid for by my folks at 17. I know tons of people who had the same who didn’t come from silver spoon back grounds. Maybe it was a different time?i was 17 in the 00s so idk 🤷🏻‍♀️

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No-Sandwich1511@reddit

To be hinest this is life it tends be its not what you know but who you know. So fair play to her and her family using thr links and funds they have to give hwr a better life. From the outside looking in as someone who didn't have the necessary connection to do that it seems comolelty unfair and a bit shit. However If I could do that for a loved one I absolutely would.

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cbawiththismalarky@reddit

i don't have children but if i did they'd have everything that i didn't have

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Kim_catiko@reddit

I get where you are coming from. I experienced the same jealousy of others back when I was your age around similar things. Parents said the same thing: they will struggle later in life. Well, no, they won't. Their parents will still help them out and bail them out financially if that is what they have always done. People like to think these people struggle later down the line as it probably makes them feel less jealous. It is incorrect most of the time. The only way to not like it affect you is to focus on your own path. I do still get those feelings about other people, even now, but I don't feel as jealous. I just feel grateful for what I have got. Do I want more? Yes. Do I need more? No.

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MiserableProblem5126@reddit

Maybe your parents are just greedy? You're supposed to help your child.

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No_Parsnip_1579@reddit

To be honest as a parent I find it much more annoying when other parents spoil their kids in non-monetary ways such as being the first in the class to give their child a smart phone then this starts all the other kids constantly asking which I dont give in to but does make me seem like the bad guy. Or they start inviting over for constant sleepovers even when theyre very young to be doing that, encouraging the girls to use makeup etc too. These are the same parents who say 'its so sad they grow up so quickly' yes thats because you're encouraging it and not letting them be kids still!

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Electronic-Fennel828@reddit

I think a lot of these comments are missing the fact that the job hunt for kids that age now is not what it was 10 years ago. It was hard then to be sure and I didn’t get a proper job until I was 18 but now it’s almost impossible unless mummy and daddy know someone. As for just paying for car, petrol etc it’s not unheard of. Especially if she’s travelling a long way or does other errands for her parents in return I understand it. I think a lot of parents would do this for their kids if they could afford it. My parents paid for my sisters first car but not mine. I went to university instead and they supported me financially there

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SummerBebbi@reddit

Jealousy is not attractive. You're focusing too much on other people and need to focus on your own life instead. What you've described sounds like a decent upbringing which most patents would like to give their children. It is not as unusual as you may think. I think your jealousy is making you judge this girl harshly, she might be a really good, friendly, intelligent person. This scenario definitely could have been worse - The girl could have never needed to work, or study, and instead spend her time flying around the world in a private jet, eating in Michelin star restaurants, having her maid clean after her, and her chauffeur drive her wherever she likes. I really don't think the girl you described is a nepobaby. However, I do think it is a good thing for children and young people to learn early on to save before spending, to appreciate gifts, and to be open to learning and growing as a person.

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claireboobear@reddit

Having been someone who was handed everything I don't see a problem with it if you can afford to do it if you can't afford to do it then I suppose you have to do the best you can

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AnythingPeachy@reddit

Corr, I bet they bought her clothes and food too

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Affectionate-Law9142@reddit

I had a friend like this growing up, had everything handed to him on a plate from his parents and grandparents. Car was the one thing that made me feel shit as he had one before me, better model car whilst I had the shit version. Although in the end these things are material, it’s what you make of it whilst you’re growing up. I had a ball in my car and had some questionable nights out in it with my mates. But boy did I have the best time of my life. It’s not what you’re given, it’s what you get and what YOU make of it! Don’t dwell on other people’s fortune, make your own 😎

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Psychological-Bag272@reddit

That last sentence needs to be made into a sign and put up everywhere!

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Psychological-Bag272@reddit

As parents we should always aim to give children better life than we had. I don't think the parents are doing anything wrong by giving their child money, car, connections. We all would do the same if we can afford it for our kids. The key important here is that they teach their kid good values and principles - these are the things that determine whether parents are doing their kid any favour, not based on what material things they gave them. My dad paid for my driving lessons cos he believed it is a lifeskill, not because he wanted me to have a flashy life driving awesome car. It was a skill I must have, there really was a pressure that I took it seriously and pass it soon. My mum pushed me to work as a kitchen porter as soon as I was legally allowed cos she wanted me to earn my own pocket money and understand how hard it is to earn a quid. It made me think more about what I should spend. I think paying for petrol is probably a bit much but as long as she is grateful I don't think it matters.

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mr_herz@reddit

Thoughts about what your mom said? Likely true for most like this girl you’re talking about, but some slip through and live their entire lives like that.

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Significant-Bee420@reddit

it’s pretty common for 16/17 year olds not to have jobs , the job market for minors is pretty limited . personally i got a job when i was 17 but i know that employers find it inconvenient to hire minors and the job market in entry level positions is atrocious atm . yeah it sucks that she didn’t even have to job hunt and get hired on her own accord but for a first job that’s not entirely uncommon . i’d say that the parents buying her a car and paying for all of it is privileged compared to most teenagers as most parents can’t afford to do that , and in that she has had the feeling of earning her first car taken away. she’ll have her struggle at some point , as long as she understands that she’s lucky to be in a family where money isn’t much of an issue and knows how to earn money for herself it’s really not the end of the world . they helped her get a job when she turned 18 so she could earn her own income , that’s not exactly avoiding teaching her the value of money .

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jimmy011087@reddit

Seems a bit of unnecessary hate there. Mad because she didn’t have a job then mad because she got a job. I understand not wanting to raise a spoilt brat but that’s why any parental help should be with that in mind. There’s no “character building” getting on some unnecessary job hunt at that age, just unnecessary stress that fortunately for her she can avoid. Getting her that job is now giving her a platform to grow. Hopefully it’s not some swizz where she just gets away with half arsing it using her parents as leverage but if not then fair play the parents. It’s exactly how I hope I can help my daughter in future. Also, if she was a total nob, the bar isn’t going to just give her a job surely? The car thing I think is fair cop too, being mobile at that age is invaluable and again, hopefully she can use it to further herself. I appreciate not everyone can afford to do that for their kids. Perhaps at 16 they trusted that she was working hard enough at school and felt they should support that? If they were just handing her cash to go piss up the wall then sure, that’s different. I’ll be telling May daughter that if she wants cash to piss up the wall then she better go earn it herself but I hope to financially support her for the more positive things in life. You’re just wasting time if you make them unnecessarily suffer which at that age is pretty crucial.

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castle_lane@reddit

Like you a tinge of jealousy as my parents were very ‘learn the value of a pound’ and tighter than most come birthday/xmas/pocket money. But if the argument is ‘if you get everything given you’ll never learn to earn’, in my own life experience it’s not always true. I know a lot of kids who grew up ‘spoiled’ and still hold down good jobs and end up financially responsible, maybe even more so than myself as I justify stuff I borderline can’t afford as I wasn’t allowed it. Double guilt 🤣

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ezyhunter@reddit

Comparison is the thief of joy be happy people can provide the extras for their kids and hope you might be able to one day

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InevitableFox81194@reddit

Yeah this isn't having things handed to you.. This is pretty normal.

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Internal_Tip3975@reddit

Oh my gosh. Is this how people think about me?

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LingonberryLeading77@reddit

Comparison is the thief of joy. This girl and many kids like her and far more spoiled exist. Also many neglected and unloved kids whose parents really do not care if they even make it to 21 exist. Happily for you, you appear to be in the middle with ‘most normal people’. It’s natural during different times in your life to look around and think ‘well if I had X I would also be doing Y’ but honestly looking in at people’s lives from the outside gives a distorted picture. Let me just say that I would have been jealous of you for having a mom you could go to for advice or a bit of a big-up! Mine couldn’t have given a toss what I was feeling. Focus your energy back on yourself-you wanna learn to drive- it’ll be a longer journey without regular paid-for lessons but you’ll still do it! Your first car may not be straight off a showroom floor on PCP but hey-my first car was the cheapest car on Autotrader that was actually working, it was 24 years old when I got it, it leaked through into the drivers footwell when it rained but I loved that little car and cried when I could finally afford to replace it. The things you achieve on your own merit truly have a value that nepotism cannot bestow. Refocus now and count your own blessings-it’ll free you I promise!

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Zealousideal-Zone115@reddit

I don't think she is going to struggle later in life. Parents help their children however they can. It's only eccentric rich people who raise their children as if they were orphans.

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Electronic-Star-5931@reddit

It's definitely a mixed bag. On one hand, it's great she has that support system, and getting a job at 16 isn't a universal experience. But your mum has a point about the long-term value of learning to earn things for yourself. That first real struggle of a job hunt or saving up for something major teaches you resilience that pure financial support can't. You'll likely be more adaptable and self-sufficient in the long run because you've had to build those skills yourself.

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Le_random_user@reddit

Bit of a different perspective here, but by your measures in this post I was a kid who was "handed" everything. I got my first part time job while in uni, until then I hadn't worked at all. My parents instilled in me that until I graduate, my first and foremost job is to be a student and study hard, and I can worry about making money later. They actually actively discouraged me from being distracted by a part time job. They also paid for my driving lessons (no car though but I could borrow their old one when needed. I was expected to pay for gas once I got a job). I've always been extremely hard working in school, and got into my top university of choice on my own, without any connections. I similarly got a grad job in IT and then climbed up in my career all on my own. I don't feel like I deserve any sort of special privileges or a particular job in life, these are all things you need to work to achieve, and my parents made sure to instill in me a strict work ethic and to remind me that the privileges they have were also achieved through hard work. On the other hand, I am aware of how extremely fortunate I am to have parents who could afford to pay for school, driving, and to encourage me to pursue my studies. It is an unfair world and I have many friends who did not have these privileges. All this to say, I think you are wrong to that receiving help from your parents early on is somehow indicative of poor ethic or laziness later on. They gave me a leg up in life, I took it, and it got me much further than if they wouldn't have. I know it's unfair, and I do everything I can to thank them, stay humble and help those around me in more difficult positions. One day I hope to do the same for my kids. But stereotyping people as lazy just because they are privileged is just not my experience at all.

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Necrospire@reddit

Your mum can see the big picture and is quite correct, listen to her and take heed, for you even to understand the issue and question it shows you are traveling down the right path already.

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CurlsandCream@reddit

Well the only friend I have whose family handed him everything went to a top university, now earns £400k a year and is happily married with 2 kids so tbh it doesn’t necessarily mean your friend will struggle later in life. My friend is a lovely person and works incredibly hard, and has had hiss mental struggles along with the rest of us. But he’s the most successful person I know irl.

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Frizzylizzy_@reddit

She is ‘lucky’ but I wouldn’t assume she is spoilt. I was brought up like you - had to work from 16, juggled college and work, paid rent to my mum and she wouldn’t have been able to afford driving lessons or car for me even if she wanted to. But wasn’t the story for many people I went to school with. It’s just the hand you’ve been dealt and I was also quite bitter about it when I was younger. I have 2 kids now and although I don’t want to spoil them I will help them financially when I’m older as much as I can because I chose to have them. Two books that really helped me let go of a lot of my teenage anger in my early 20s was ‘new earth’ and ‘the power of now’ by eckhartt tolle. Try them. And just keep plodding on. Your early experience will definitely make you more resilient faster but don’t waste your energy being angry at the wrong people x

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Distinct_Egg4365@reddit

This is just the reality of life. Some ppl have it tough some ppl have an easy ride and basically there whole life is not done by merit. I guess in an ideal world we would love if every parent was rich and could provide this lifestyle for thier children. However like to look at it like this it is sweeter when you climb up on your own merit and that is something money cannot buy. I grew up in a similar way not poor but let’s just say all the ppl around me where handed steak when I had to go kill a cow with my bare hands. I will never forget how I felt when I was 18 worked all summer and bought my own MacBook for uni full price in my opinion they are missing out on that and it gives me a mental edge that I can see to this day. I know they would have crumbled if they were in my shoes.

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sritanona@reddit

I think it won't help her in the long run, but also it must be really hard to see your children struggle if you know you can help them. I have a thing like this with my mum but opposite. I used to just give her anything she needed and fix any problem. And then get frustrated that she came to me for problem fixing. Literally had to go to therapy to stop doing it and even then, even if she wants to pay for something, it's a struggle for me to "let" her pay for stuff... I imagine it's harder when it's actually your kids and your responsibility and not this weird parentification situation I have.

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NonFungibleShitcoin@reddit

This is NOTHING compared to rich kids going to private school, inheriting family wealth and basically posting TikToks all day. I'm against that bullshit. However, if a parent worked hard to give an easier start in life to their kids because they never had it, more power to them!

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General-End4503@reddit

Jealousy is the route of of evil

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oldie349@reddit

I don’t see an imperative requirement for kids to have jobs between 16 and 18, unless the family has insufficient finances or is unwilling to fund their child. I do agree that here are many lessons available to be learnt from getting and keeping a job, but those can also often be learnt in other ways, such as achieving well in education and simultaneously managing a non-earned budget. In the main, kids of that age are not idle rich kids destined to never work. There are youngsters for whom a job would be intolerably stressful alongside studies, e.g., some neuro atypical people; for them, a job may have a significant detrimental impact on their studies and mental health. So there isn’t a single answer which fits all. BTW, I read that some nations (scandi?) even pay students so they can focus on their studies; this opens the way to managing their own finances, while opening education paths to kids whose families might otherwise not be able to support it.

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TraKKtion@reddit

Life is unfair. But comparison is the thief of joy.

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Boudicat@reddit

My kid managed to get away with avoiding part time jobs. His mum and I are divorced so a weekend job would have meant much less time with him for me. He’s found it impossible to find work as a student, and I dare say his almost complete lack of experience (he’s done a few days of paid work here and there) is a factor. I don’t begrudge continuing to support him because he rarely asks for money, has very modest spending habits, and is far more sober and responsible than I was at his age.

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DoubleXFemale@reddit

To be honest with you, you’re going to run into people who are far more privileged than that during your life - people so privileged that this girl (and others like her) will suddenly seem to have more in common with you. While I don’t think that the helping hand from her parents will have harmed this girl, I do think that you having to get your own jobs and make your own way a bit more will probably have taught you some things she hasn’t learned yet. Jealousy and bitterness aren’t useful, keep your eyes on your prize and ignore what others do or don’t have compared to you.

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Plastic_Truth3053@reddit

Have friends who did this with their kid. He now has no direction, dosent seem to want to find one, has been in recovery for drugs and alcohol. Only 23 now and I wonder what’s going to become of him. They’ve just paid for an extended trip (months) so he can find himself. It’s really better to do things for yourself, although it’s hard watching others not having to struggle

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Brief_Negotiation464@reddit

she's working now in a bar so she does know how to work and the fact she doesn't need to but still does bar work is good work ethic to me

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mightyfishfingers@reddit

Life is unfair. Some people will be given far more than you. Some will be given far less. It really isn't worth your time stewing on it, tbh - unless it's the see just how many in the world are given far less so that you see how lucky you are.

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Silly_Tomatillo6950@reddit

More common than it was when I was at school. I went to a fee paying for 6 form courtesy of Gordon Brown. Above was common for rich kids 20 years ago. Now it;s more common for many kids However, it doesn't necessarily protect you from unexpected life events and hardship. But everyone is different. For some it is a good buffer. And some people feel unfulfilled and suffer mentally from having things too easy so to speak

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RobertTheSpruce@reddit

To me it's a parents job to help their child as much as they are safely able to. If they can afford to gift her a car, there's nothing wrong with that. It's also their job to educate and motivate. Maybe she would never have gotten a job if it wasn't for that push? My mum knew the manager of a workplace. She arranged an interview for me and dropped me off at the door when I was 21, because I probably needed that push after bouncing round a few shitty jobs. 20 years later I am the manager of that workplace.

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CookieMonsterOxford@reddit

Your envy doesn’t mean she hasn’t subjectively experienced adversity, that’s an assumption you’ve made.

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ImaginationAny2254@reddit

I’d say such parents would set up her live. Why would she need to struggle for mundane stuffs? She can already start at the top and have different kind of elite struggles.

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Bitter-Scarcity-1260@reddit

Nothing wrong with nepotism. Good for her I say.

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deanomatronix@reddit

There will always be people better off than you and (very probably) billions of people far worse off Some will be earned, most will be the lottery of birth. Doesn’t make it right but you can’t spend your whole life stressing it, nobody chooses or can change what they’re born into and we’re all on our own journeys

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Flobarooner@reddit

That's not even nearly handing her "everything". First job at 18 is perfectly fine, and cars and driving lessons are very expensive these days I was given the kind of upbringing you seem to think is better and it fucking sucked. It didn't make me hardworking, it made me lazy. Almost every bad habit I have was learnt from that, I didn't get my first job or learn to drive until I was 24, and even then it was because my mum eventually paid for the car + lessons and my best mate got me a job. And you know what? It turned my life around, over the next few years I developed a work ethic, excelled in the job and became a much more responsible person all around. I rue those lost years from 18-24. It was my own fault for being lazy, but from my parents' perspective, if they didn't want me to be like that then a helping hand would've definitely prevented it I think the situation you're describing is probably about the right balance of giving your child stuff, tbh. You could not do that, and then what? You expect a 17yo to proactively get a job and save up a few grand to get themselves driving lessons and a car? Most likely they would just not bother because it would seem unattainable, and then they will learn the wrong things Everyone I know who was given nothing and expected to fend for themselves at 16-18 just learnt to survive on less rather than going out and earning more. That's not the lesson you want to teach. If you don't help them get their first job, then what? They go unemployed for a few years and don't develop a work ethic? It will be much harder for them to motivate themselves to go out and get a job after several years unemployed, than if you help get them one at 18 The hard part is not getting a job, it is showing up every day and actually *working*. But a lot of times the obstacle is the kid just bothering to get one. So you can give them a good push by finding one for them, and then it's on them to go and do a good job And a car is like the quintessential thing that well-off parents *should* buy for their kids. Much better than buying them a phone or a PC or just dropping £500 into their bank account every month A car is practical, it gives them freedom, independence and agency which is crucial at that age. It allows them to get to and from school and a job by themselves And a car is a responsibility too, you have to look after it, maintain it, tax it, keep up the MOTs and fuel etc. The kid will learn much more from staying on top of all that than they will from just working themselves to the bone to buy it in the first place You are clearly envious of them and I feel for you because I know how that feels, but I promise you it's much better to give the kid a good foundation and the right tools to build on it, than to give them nothing and make them start from scratch. That is just performative, misguided and cruel, imo. It does nothing but set them up for failure

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ThrowawayHouse2022@reddit

Economics aside, do you think that parents should hand their kids these things? Would you accept them from your parents? Are you aware that in some areas lessons are as much as £67 an hour? Genuine questions They got her a job (earning her own money) at a local bar, it's not exactly using nepotism to work her way through to CEO of some London finance firm I hate rich, entitled people too, but she doesn't really sound like one of them

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One_Pangolin1766@reddit

My thoughts are that having worked in 3 diff bats, no one gets a job in one without knowing someone if they don’t have experience - it’s not some wild privilege to wash glass for minimum wage at 18 Would be different if her parents were 100% paying her way Getting the car is definitely a privilege, but again it’s not completely unheard of, and her parents would have made a cost-benefit decision that her being able to drive was worth the cost so they never have to drive her to uni/her job It’s normal to feel some jealousy of those with more than you, but you’re in for a nasty shock once you realise there are probably people in your college course who don’t have jobs at all and won’t all through uni cause their parents will pay for it, and the girl you speak of will be very jealous of them too!

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Whithorsematt@reddit

Some people have more money than others, doesn't make them bad people. What if your parents were in the position to give you a deposit, or even buy you a house? Would you turn it down because they arent' doing you favours for later in life?

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dmbgreen@reddit

I agree. Your jealous.

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PsycommuSystem@reddit

This sounds absolutely like jealousy. As a parent if you are able to do this for your children why wouldn't you? You're giving them a massive headstart on adult life.

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FistedBone9858@reddit

Let it happen! My kid is a kid who thinks life is super rough, they have a job, extra curriculars, and they have to do chores for pocket money, whereas their friends are handed things.. the latest phones, money for days out etc.. I absolutely guarantee you, when they land in the real world, or go off to Uni, these kids will blow through their money in freshers week, whereas my kid will budget. my kid will understand how to clean their digs, do laundry etc.. These kind of parents are short term thinkers. My child has had a 'GoHenry' account since they were 10, and already learnt 'Ohh, if I spend it all. I've got nothing to do X with' that's the best move, teach them when it IS inconsequential. your friend will learn things like this when it will STING.

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b135702@reddit

If it makes you feel any better i was from a working class family too and didn't learn to drive until my late 20s and have been working since 16 - I have a really cool, well paying job now and a nice little flat and a comfortable life. Get the chip off your shoulder and focus on yourself.

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Level-Lab-9312@reddit

I'm 41 and I'm going to let you in on a secret: she won't struggle later in life. Her personal growth will be stunted and it's likely she'll never excel at anything in particular but she will never struggle. The best thing for you is to accept it and focus on developing yourself, whether that's through skill, good works or personal growth and awareness. Obviously money is essential but the impact you have on the world is important too. Someone told me recently before bed he writes down his impact on the day and how people will remember his interactions. I think that's a good idea (although daily seems extreme) to help keep focus on putting positive output into the world.

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Jamiewoo133@reddit

Nothing wrong with it imo. A lot of people, especially those who grew up in poorer backgrounds, often make it a mission to make sure their kids never have to struggle like they might've had to struggle.

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annaaii@reddit

Can confirm as the child of parents who grew up in a poor and oppressive environment. We weren't well off when I was little, and we're not rich and posh people right now by any means, but they managed to do very well for themselves, and have always supported me and did their best to make sure I have everything they never had while growing up. Hell, they took part in a revolution and risked their lives before I was even born to make sure that I have a better life than they did. And even when they got money, they've always been extremely generous with their wealth, not just with me but with other family members as well. My father always helped the poor people still living in the village he grew up in, paying the university tuition for kids who wanted to go to university but whose parents could not afford it. And they made sure as hell to pass on this mentality to me, which stopped me from becoming spoiled and overly reliant on their money.

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QueenBonnie42@reddit

You sound more than just jealous, you sound horribly bitter about it. I went through all 5 types of abuse before I was double didgets but the world isnt going to get any better for anyone if I sat here wishing you all understood what that was like. These days a bar job is likely min wage, being able to commute freely opens hundreds of opportunities for both work and social lives, hell if I had the money I would pay for my kids rent and help decorate at 18+ so she could have her own space without any of the stresses that comes with owning/renting a property. Would you not do the same for your own child? Be the adult you wish you had instead of worrying about what others have.

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TheGreatBatsby@reddit

It's fucking bad, that's what it is. There's providing for your kids and giving them what they need (and sometimes what they want), but adversity and disappointment are fundamental parts of life and if you haven't been raised to deal with those then sooner or later life will fuck you very hard in the mouth.

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Such-Entry-8904@reddit

Well, she's still had to earn plenty. She had to work to get into college, learn to drive, work at the bar. Seems like she's actuslly doing a lot. 16 isn't a ridiculous age to not be working, and it is hardly the pinnacle of all that is privilege for your parents friends to let you work for them. You also don't know what the rest of her life looks like and why these things happen. It will be better for you and your mother to concern yourself with your own employment and college.

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Poor_and_i_know_it@reddit

Every parent wants to do best for their children within their means. I am a parent of teens and i would rather they focused on studies while still school age rather than working at 16/17. i have the means to pay for driving lessons and had over some cash for trips into town to meet friends. I also pay extra curricular fees too. I dont see that as handing them everything. I see it as being a parent.

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dazedan_confused@reddit

What you've described isn't exactly nepotism, but nepotism is definitely abuse of sorts. If a kid can't stand on their own two feet, then either the kid breaks, or the stuff they were given breaks.

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CONCERNEDMOM69420@reddit

i was a spoiled child/teenager (resources-wise) and it was a shock to the system when life got real and i had to grow up and work.

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Superb_Variation_952@reddit

I chose to have a child, in my eyes I will give them absolutely everything I possibly can. If that means driving lessons, car, insurance then so be it. If I have connections that can help them get a job then I’ll absolutely do it. You can still give your children the world whilst also teaching them what it takes to earn stuff, they will have to work hard to keep their jobs and move up to earn well and buy nice things. If you’re not teaching your kids whilst also giving them you’re all then yeah you’re a moron

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Revolutionary-Mode75@reddit

My sister did the same for her two kids. One is a financial advisor earning 6 figures in the city. My nephew is currently doing a year long placement at a insurance firm doing a 6 figure role once he fully trained. He already been told after 3 months by his boss he wants him on his team after hr completed his studies. It true some kids who parents give them everything ends up wasting these opportunities , others use them to launch themselves into successful lives.

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I_AmA_Zebra@reddit

It’s great of her parents to support all this. Some parents have the financial means and they don’t, because they’re neglectful If you had a kid and we’re in a position to do the same.. I think you would Your early years really define who/what you become. By paying for her driving lessons/car and helping with a hospitality job it allows her to focus on other things and stress a little less for now. She’s 16-18 in this story, kids shouldn’t be burdened with stress I say this from a low-income background where I worked as many hours as possible from 16 and my mum had 0 connections, all jobs (hospitality and now corporate roles) are all my doing. It’s not terrible to feel some jealousy as I think that’s natural to have some envy of people in better situations, however, in the grand scheme of things this girl is only slightly better off than you are and is not in the “eat the rich” category i believe you’re thinking of with “handed everything”

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Flat_Development6659@reddit

There's a certain point where help from parents is harmful to development, what you're mentioning is nowhere near that point. Having a safety net is a good thing, allows you to take risks with your career early on. Having a car is a good thing, opens you up to way more opportunities. Getting a job from day 1 makes it look like you're driven to future employers as you'll have no employment gaps. Parents should strive to do the basics for their children and everything you mentioned is fairly basic tbh.

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Leading-Late@reddit

I'll never blame parents for creating the easiest and most comfortable life they possibly can for their children, and I say that as a parent who doesn't have a lot of money. I know that nepotism as a system can be really frustrating, but it's entirely natural to want to protect your child in every possible way from the harsher realities of life. It's also entirely natural to help out the people you love in any way you can, and that includes helping them to get a job, or giving them money/property if you have it. If I can take any single moment of hardship away from my kids, in any way, I always will. If I can make that life easier in any way, I always will. I'll never understand the reasoning that you should make your children struggle through things to prepare them for later in life. Life is inevitably going to be shit at some point for everyone, so surely the best way that we can show love as parents is by making whatever big or small parts of our children's lives as stress-free as possible. The world is going to be hard on them at some point anyway, regardless of whether we help them out with things or not. I do, however, get very frustrated with people who don't recognise the privilege that comes with having parental support, whether that's emotional or monetary. Many , many people are not lucky enough to have that and it makes their life exponentially harder. But that's a whole other subject.

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stinkypoocow@reddit

I know people who can not work for a year and parents just pay them 24k a year to live with no real expectations during this time. Pay for flights, pay for holidays (with them) in 5 star hotels, play golf. I heard of other people being gifted yachts. Or being given jobs that earn like 45k a year. It gets worse bro.

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decentlyfair@reddit

I am older and that may be relevant. My dad now is a well off (not rich) pensioner but when I was growing up we didn’t have a car and we weren’t well off at all. He was an engineer and my mum was a secretary but life was a struggle. Things improved and dad got a car and when he got an another one he sold me his. I was about 19 and begrudged paying for this car but do you know what? The achievement I felt at was great, it was my car that I bought. It also taught me that some folks don’t get given stuff for many reasons and you may just have to do it yourself. I carry that mindset through my life. There have been times when I had no money to stuff and times when I had but the hard times make you appreciate the good times and also consider where to spend the money you have. I was never in a position to help my children with stuff like cars etc but I have helped in smaller ways whenever I could. You example is a small way in which you are finding life is unfair and it is a small way, at some point soon you will see bigger examples of unfair stuff and that will continue throughout your life. Life is inherently unfair.

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BigManLikeBarey@reddit

I mean I think it’s fine, I’ll do the same to my kids if I could, my issues is more the people who have everything paid for and go on bragging about it and being a cunt

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Responsible_Trash199@reddit

My thoughts are that why are we speaking bad of other people who have done well for themselves and done parenting right? My parents weren’t rich, sometimes they were worried about where the evening’s meal was going to come from, but yet they gave me everything I could ask for, including a great education and a nice big house Currently, I live alone and I am 32, I pay for cleaners, chefs, a chauffeur, a Gardener, a housekeeper… In my first year of living alone I did all of this stuff myself but it was so annoying in such a headache and a waste of time, I’d rather just pay somebody else to do it And when I have children, somebody else will be doing the mundane things too. I have somebody else doing this for me so I’ve got plenty of time to work and focus on what I really want to do, I’ve got my own company and it’s also my biggest hobby… I’d rather be doing that than spending time on one hour cooking, an hour waiting for it in the oven, 10 minutes of eating and then 20 minutes of cleaning up… How about I do things that make me money or even whatever I want to do, I spent 10–15 minutes eating, and then go back to doing what I was doing I feel like somebody’s upbringing has a big effect on this, for example yes we can all make money if people really tried and we cannot be confident, but how much easier is it for them kids that I’ve been brought up with the rich parents? This sort of mentality has been ingrained into them from birth, that life should be easy, if it’s difficult then pay somebody else to do it. And as they grow up, when they start being more independent, they learned that they need to make money to have a good easy life Obviously, it’s not so simple as this at the same time it’s not difficult either

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WasabiIll4930@reddit

I was very similar to you at your age (I’m 26 now) - I had to work when I turned 16 whilst also doing a full time college course, I had to pay for my driving lessons and I had to pay for my car. Whereas my friend, it was the total complete opposite, her parents paid for her lessons, her car all paid for and she went through university without needing to work. I was jealous back then, but now as I am 26 years old, I am grateful that I have had that experience because I do fully believe that it has made me have a better work ethic and I am able to pay for myself if I needed something. I do know that if needed to, I am able to ask my parents for their support but it has raised me to become very independent and learn a lot of life lessons. Saying that, comparison is a thief of job and you are better off focusing on yourself, rather than comparing yourself to someone else because simply, we are all different.

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Throwaway6765656@reddit

As someone who had to get a part time job at 16, a full time job at 18, didn’t learn to drive until my 20’s when I could afford to self fund lessons, a car, insurance and the last holiday I didn’t pay for myself was when I was 10 years old - I was actually the anomaly amongst my friends! My parents are hard working but always had financial struggles and were not in a position to assist me, but I know they would’ve if they could’ve. My friends also had to get jobs, but they did have initial assistance with getting on the roads. It only truly starts to bug me when this extends to people being bought properties/given huge deposits, having a funded year of travel, cars and whatever else bought for them that then judge other people for not having those things. Someone I knew judged me for still living at home when his mum sold her expensive London house to move in with a partner in a significantly cheaper part of the country and bought him a £350k flat so he could remain in the area. THAT bugged me because dude, your mum bought your flat who are you to become to dictator of when other people move out lol

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Mald1z1@reddit

Probably not what you want to hear but these people often go on to be very happy and have a great life. Also you seem to be contradicting yourself. You're not happy that she doesn't work. But when she does get a job you're also not happy becausr she didn't get the job in the exact way you think she should. Here's the truth. The world isn't fair. People can and do use the resources they have to help them get ahead in life. If you have opportunities to support you then you should use them and take advantage of them. Maybe you should take it as inspiration and ask her if she can get you a job at the same venue too. The best jobs out there are gained through networking and contacts not from applying to random places.

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Competitive-Proof410@reddit

I consider myself privileged but certainly not a trust fund baby. My parents considered school to be a full time job and so supported be through GCSEs and A levels. For uni, I took the maximum student loan and had support so I didn't need to work as long as I was very careful. As soon as I graduated I got a job and was on my own, but I've always known that if things go tits up my parents won't let me homeless or starve. That to me is providing for your children and setting them up for adulthood. I spent more time studying and in school in a week then my parents spent working. Expecting me to work on top of it would have hurt my studies and my mental health. Though I understand some families have no choice. If you have the choice, then not making your student work seems very reasonable.

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Puzzled-Job9556@reddit

These are just good parents.

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aconsideredlife@reddit

People tend to think poorly of people who were handed everything to them. But if they were in that position they would happily accept the assitance. I personally think it's great if your family can help you afford the things you need, explore interests and hobbies you like, and get a job that pays well. I dislike people who refuse to acknowledge their privilege though and why it makes life seem easier when you don't realise how bad other people have it.

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Fantastic-Profit2917@reddit

She isn't being 'handed' anything. She just has parents who are doing their job

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Western_Pea_3967@reddit

I think you could be a bit jealous which is ok. If your parents could have afforded to give u the same they probably would have and paid for ur car etc . The fact her parents know people with businesses is just luck/ circles they’re in and has actually working now so not like she’s living lavish (they wouldn’t have her work in a bar if she was getting “princess” treatment. Try not to dwell on this it’s likely as u feel annoyed u had to struggle. But u can feel proud that anything u do have is because u have worked and gotten it urself which is a good skill to have !

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Arandel-Sorcha@reddit

It's interesting you know so much about this girl who has a different life to you. Perhaps it would be better for you to focus on you, and not some random person you are jealous or cross at, through no fault of theirs. Studying hard, getting as good a grade as you can with your course, and move on with your own life making your own connections, treading your own path. Jealousy isn't called the green eyed monster for nothing, let it go and prove to yourself you are everything you need.

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kore_nametooshort@reddit

A parents job is to set up their child for success. Learning to drive is a valuable skill, so paying for that is perfectly reasonable. Paying for the car and petrol isn't particularly unreasonable either, but I would have said the same about not paying for it. Getting your child a job is perfectly reasonable and sets them up to earn and learn about the world of work. I'd say it gets unreasonable if the parents don't provide any opportunity to learn about money, saving and what not. If they pay for absolutely everything and the child can get whatever they want just with their credit card, then they will be unprepared for the world. If they have to maintain this bar job to afford whatever luxuries they want then that's decent parenting. Everyone ill have a different opinion on what luxuries should be included and some will think they should contribute to rent and whatnot, but that's more subjective I think.

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Necessary_Money_9757@reddit

Honestly that's quite normal. It is frustrating I know, but it's quite common for people to not work when they're 16 or 17, and getting a job at your parents' friend's bar isn't particularly unfair either. Most people I know who have summer jobs at home got it through their connections.

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nikkijxd@reddit

I think whether it is helpful is very much dependant on the person I know people who have been handed so much and are grateful every time and others who come to expect it. I was insanely jealous that some of my coursemates didn't have to budget or work 20 hours a week to have somewhere to live. They got to go out and i didn't, but at the end of uni I had work experience and most of them didn't, I was able to jump into working full time (and was relieved to only be doing full time!). if someone has the right connections work experience doesn't mean anything though.

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Upset_Gerbil@reddit

This is the the way things are. Some people have more than you, more money, more support, more connections, and that's ok. That's life. It's better to focus on yourself rather than get jealous about others. If you want a job, get educated and get applying. If you want a car, make a plan and set goals to get one. Some people get handed life on a platter, some of us work hard to end up at the same place. You may miss opportunities if you're too busy looking at others.

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OHolyNightowl@reddit

That sounds completely normal for where we live (sdmittedly middleclass suburb of London). Paying for driving lessons, not needing your child to work, supporting them, helping with university costs. I started working when I was 14 as my parents were poor. Adult me, however, have a great job, so don't need my child to. I don't think my child is missing out on any life lessons that I learned.

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Towbee@reddit

My parents did the same for me, and I've worked at their business since I was 12. It's a small family gig, and it's just me and my mum left now. I've had plenty of people judge me and assume I don't know the value of earning things and hard work. In fact I all the more do and appreciate it because I've seen what it takes to build something and how much work it is being a part of it. Jealousy is fine, but reign in assumptions and resentment, you never know what goes on behind the scenes. Comparison is the thief of joy.

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MrsJBB@reddit

As someone who had to work from 14 and funded anything fun in my life from then on...I will absolutely hand my daughter these things because there's no inherent morality in struggling. It's possible to teach your child life skills without making them struggle. It was so hard working and studying and I want her to focus on her school work and her childhood.

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IllustratorNew8801@reddit

You're way too jealous for something normal that doesn't have anything to do with you

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xDroneytea@reddit

I just think whatever, being handed money and possessions don't grant you enjoyment. Remember that comparison is the thief of joy, earning £1000 will be infinitely more rewarding than being given £1000 no matter what stage of life you're in.

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abyssal-isopod86@reddit

Not having a job whilst still in education is normal.

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-usagi-95@reddit

Everything you wrote seems to me the bare minimum a parent should do to a child. What's stopping other parents like yours to do the same is capitalism and how shitty the world is. Parents are supposed to support their children. People are not supposed to suffer. Think off been spoiled is an act of giving unnecessary things to a child such as extra clothes, extra toys, extra car, extra house, etc. The key word is "extra", for e.g. your classmate would've been spoiled if she got an extra car. There's ways to teach a child to be independent and grounded without make them suffer or/and lacking some things.

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cfehunter@reddit

So she's in college and working? I'm not sure our definitions of being handed everything are the same. She clearly has supportive parents with some disposable income, but if they were truly handing her everything she would have no need to work.

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Boldboy72@reddit

I know at least 2 people in their 30s who have jobs but live in very expensive Canary Wharf apartments that their parents pay the rent and bills on for them. We live in a different world to wealthy people.

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geeered@reddit

I know someone who's in a pretty low paid council job and pays her unemployed/barely employed (I think) kid's rent. Not in Canary Wharf, however!

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BikeProblemGuy@reddit

Tbh although I'm envious, the rents in London are appalling so parents paying the rent if they can doesn't seem that bad.

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KaleidoscopeHot9265@reddit

I agree. She's missing out on a lot of life lessons that will come to her the hard way when she's older, and that's when life gets harder without family backing you up so much

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InspiringGecko@reddit

I'm on the fence about this. On the one hand, I think it's great that she's getting lots of help and support in her early years. On the other hand, when she finally has to work for something, I wonder if she'll be able to do it, or if she'll give up too quickly. Not having a job in high school isn't a big deal. However, I'm super grateful for my high school job because it taught me the value of money. I guess if I were going to give a kid all of these things, I would also have a conversation with them about how other people have to work hard for these things, and the kid is in a privileged position.

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Inside_Ad_6312@reddit

… they’re working in a bar. They are doing the hard work

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InspiringGecko@reddit

I'm not talking about the work being hard or easy. I'm talking about how frustrating it can be to apply to jobs and not get them, and having to keep applying until you find something. This person has never experienced this. I wonder how this will affect her in later years.

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Appropriate_Wave722@reddit

it used to be that the virtuous thing to do and the right lesson to teach your kid was to work for a living. And now it seems like the right lesson to teach your kid is that they gotta spend a few months collecting the dole and going to pointless classes at the jobcentre and applying to a thousand entry-level positions on the couch? Seems like the better thing to have on your CV is "age 18 - did a job" than "age 18 - 20 - n/a"

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Inside_Ad_6312@reddit

Yes, it can be frustrating but she’s 18 and will learn that very quickly after uni. Currently she is learning lots about hard work in the bar

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reditcyclist@reddit

I understand your point of view. It's a completely understandable reaction. I come from a background mixed between poverty and a reasonably comfortable middle class life with my parents (but house as collateral on a small car body shop through two recessions). Grandparents struggled through very tough times raising my Dad and Aubt but were immensely proud of my Dad. If he had made us get a job instead of focusing razor sharp on our studies, well my grandparents would have thought he had gone insane.

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Professional-Lack-79@reddit

Sounds like you need to get over it to be honest mate, her and her parents aren't doing anything wrong. I think they're things all parents wish they could do for their kids as they get older, unfortunately most can't afford to. You should try and work on your jealous for anyone who has it easier than you, it only gets much worse as you move into a professional environment.

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Outside-Locksmith346@reddit

Welcome to life.

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Affectionate-Arm-688@reddit

Most redditors seem to be a byproduct of this kind of parenting.

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MalignEntity@reddit

I'd say that if you can motivate yourself to go and do these things off your own back, you'll come out of this situation stronger: You'll both have the same things, but you got them yourself and have the belief that you can do it again.

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VolcanicBear@reddit

She's 18. My parents paid for my uni, accomodation, driving lessons and house deposit. What will ultimately matter is if she actually gains any financial intelligence, which it doesn't sound like they're setting her up for, but I had to learn through making a student loan last. Maybe she will too. Nothing wrong with paying for your kids if you can afford to, assuming they become functional adults.

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Appropriate_Wave722@reddit

one of the things that taught me financial intelligence was finally swallowing my pride and asking my dad for a few grand to pay off my overdraft in my mid-20s, and he would've given me the cash at any time I asked for it, he would've hated the idea that I was working several weeks a year for bank charges

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InfiniteCountry_0@reddit

I think part of what makes us functioning adults is the ability to understand the value of money, being able to budget, and take responsibility for our lives. Sometimes it’s good to struggle a bit in life in order to learn how to overcome difficulties and become resilient. It keeps some perspective on things.

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Fandaniels@reddit

Stop worrying about what's going on in this girls life so much and focus on yourself..who cares if she gets a car and they find her a job

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HungryColquhoun@reddit

Yeah I think it's normal for parents to share the wealth to this extent. She's clearly in education alongside yourself and she's working, if she was truly coddled she would just be unemployed and at leisure. Hard work doesn't really pay in the long run in most professions. I've worked myself almost to the point of burnout and it didn't get me anywhere fast, and now I work as hard as I need to in order to get the job done. I think your mum is naïve if she thinks hard work still pays, it's setting you up for a lot of stress if you think hard work will advance you in life. Obviously don't be a slacker, but also don't think anyone is going to reward you for working over your hours and things like that.

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weallcomefromaway3@reddit

I would do the same for my children when they get there. At 16 and 17 I'd rather they focussed on their education and not worry about working. If I could afford to buy a car for them I would as I can make sure it is a safe car and it will give them freedom to get around without relying on me for transport

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Careful-Coffee280@reddit

Patent of a teen here. There's plenty of time for her to find her own way. Life will give you ups and downs, no matter how hard you work or how privileged you are. You have to take all the leg-ups you can because life itself will knock you down at times. My parents did not expect me to work while I was in education and I did not have to worry about finances, they helped me towards my first car and my first house deposit. Very lucky, very grateful. But in the 70s and 80s in a racist part of the UK, I dealt with racist bullying growing up which affected my self esteem for years. I worked hard at uni and worked super hard at my job, doing well, I'm extremely lucky in my marriage. But the life knocks included break ups, multiple miscarriages, serious long-term illnesses, bereavements etc. The financial stability helped me stay on my feet through that. Other people will have health privilege, and a lucky few will have a charmed life - but not many. Take any advantages you can get, but if you don't get them, believe me, very few people are lucky in everything - your friend might well have to suffer in some other way in her life. But my view is that as parents we don't have to add to that suffering.

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JorgiEagle@reddit

I’ll be real, there is value in what your mother said, but half of it is just something to say to make you feel better about it. Such inequality exists in all aspects of life. It’s unavoidable.

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Kwazy-Cupcakes@reddit

I think it depends on the way it's handled. My siblings and I were very fortunate that our parents earned good money and wanted us to focus on our education so never forced us to get a job - but we earned things by doing chores around the house and other errands. My siblings and I never expected/demanded these things but we were always very grateful when we were given them. I wouldn't say we were spoiled, but extremely privileged and I don't take that for granted. My partner and their siblings were in a similar position of parents earning good money. The difference is that they were given everything and never expected to do anything in return. To the point where their siblings were still living at home in their 30s, paying no rent and not even helping around the house. And every time their youngest sibling was asked to do anything around the house, they would stomp their feet and throw a tantrum. Like, they were asked to hoover the house and threw a hissy fit. That, to me, is being a spoiled little brat.

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Fearless-Dust-2073@reddit

It's easy to generate a superficial idea of someone based on limited facts, your mother does not know her and it seems like you don't actually know her all that well either. You know some surface-level facts, but you don't know that she will struggle later in life. Some people respond to an easy early life by not learning any 'adult skills' because they don't need to, and some respond by using that lack of friction as a social, educational or practical springboard. Nobody knows how she will do later in life, not even the girl herself. So, be pleased for her that she might not have to deal with the same struggles that you might. Her life has no bearing on yours, and being jealous only takes energy that you could be using on yourself.

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zoomoovoodoo@reddit

Sounds like a normal family to me. Why would you want your kids to struggle over absolutely everything when the world is hard already?

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Mr_Bumcrest@reddit

My belief is that children having or being encouraged to get jobs is a bad thing. Providing parents are teaching their children social responsibility and values, it's right for parents to give their children as an easier start in life as they can. Of course that's a utopian view and not realistic for so many people (nor is it one I experienced myself) so don't begrudge jealousy or anger at entitled people, but if I could give my son all of those things, I would.

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Emergency_Mistake_44@reddit

Your friend is lucky and privileged but it sounds like their parents have worked hard to be able to afford such a position for their child and that's quite fine. When my son turns 17, if I'm able to buy him a car why wouldn't I? Wouldn't you? You can still teach/learn hard work and appreciation for things.

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Kapika96@reddit

That's all normal. Plenty of people don't get a job at 16 if they're still in education. Why would you go to college all day, do homework, and a job unless you're desperately poor? A car as a gift is less common, but still isn't rare. Getting a job through family connections is also perfectly normal. ″It's not what you know, it's who you know″ is a saying for a reason.

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moosteek@reddit

You know a very one sided version of events, you don’t know their whole story as a family. My friend never worked part time, left uni and went straight into a career after years of hard work of studying. She never paid for her cars during this period due to her grandpa being well off. Then when he passed the inheritance was used to support her and her sister through their studies. They’re very down to earth, well off and privileged yes - but she is a great friend who would do anything for you. We’re from different backgrounds as at the age of 30, I have a 3k car to my name and that’s it. Grew up on a council estate, with relatively poor parents.

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Halliwel96@reddit

Plenty of people don’t get jobs at 16/17 Paying for your kids driving lessons is super normal too. Also getting someone a job at a bar is not a big deal at all lol. This all seems like fairly basic supportive parent stuff.

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PotsnBats@reddit

If I get a chance to give my kids that leg up in life that I never got, then I will. Natural to be jealous but most of us would do the same.

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poppyoxymoron@reddit

Sounds like where I come from. I think it is fairly normal for some and honestly why wouldn’t you want to support your own children to get the best out of life. I think that it is a shame that the world isn’t designed in a way that this isn’t necessary for progress. If young people had better job opportunities, if houses were cheaper and support available. Young people could prop themselves up without help of family or government. Life isn’t like that, so it is just a sad reality

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Gopal87@reddit

I know someone who's in the mid-30s who has a net worth of multiple millions of pounds and has never really worked. The person is useless. I know so many people like this, and even the ones that work have had such an easy life. When talking about politics, these are the people that should be taxed as they take away from a meritocratic society.

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ManOnlyLurks@reddit

As a parent I'll give my child everything they need. Driving lessons, car, deposit etc. To me, that's part of being a parent.

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thereadingbee@reddit

She's only 18... she's plenty of time to learn. Why should a child have to fight to get basic things to survive? If parents have the means to support their children why shouldn't they use it.

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Fair-Stop9968@reddit

This is essentially meaningless. This is really scraping the bottom of the barrel for nepotism. Unless the car is actually new, then maybe your points are valid.

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NightSalut@reddit

Can go either way. Some kids are real humble even with everything given to them and are grateful, still want to do hard work, but they also recognise that some things are easier for them. Some think that they deserve it BECAUSE their parents are rich and ergo, they are rich. Some of these kids fall on cushy places and tend to have awful parents, others have a hard landing when real life with no infinite money checks in. If I ever have kids, I honestly would want to be able to provide for them so they don’t have to worry for some things but I’ve always wondered how you actually keep a kid humble then so they don’t get stuck up and realise that it could be much much harder.

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811545b2-4ff7-4041@reddit

Get use to it. Life isn't fair, and it's not worth bothering comparing yourself - it's a 'contest' against your old, current and future selves.

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SarNic88@reddit

That’s pretty much what I will do for my daughter, in an ideal world I don’t want her working until she has finished education at 18. If we are in a position to buy her a car and driving lessons, which we should be able to then I will do that too.

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Prestigious_Emu6039@reddit

That seems fairly normal giving your kids a start, we gave our son a basic car to get him going.

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moofacemoo@reddit

Quite surprised by the amount of answers on saying that it's normal. I would have considered that kind of thing for the very privileged only.

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just_jason89@reddit

Now, take a knee youngen and listen into the wisdom of this 36y/o (I'd take a knee with you, but I only get like 2 bending downs a day) Don't worry about what others have. Because someone will always have more. If you spend your whole life worrying about what others have, trying to get what they have, you won't be able to stop ans enjoy and appreciate what you do have. Who knows if this person will get a rude awakening when they hit the real world or co tinue to sail through. Just do you boo! Enjoy what you have, love your family and what they do give you. And enjoy what you have. Don't live your life scoring it against other people, run your own race and focus on being happy.

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Loose_Avocado4670@reddit (OP)

Thanks for this good advice. Truly.

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just_jason89@reddit

I hope you follow it... It takes a lot of self training to follow. But trust me, when you stop worrying about what others have that you don't you can enjoy your life so much easier. Not saying life wont be hard for you or you wont have challenges. But focus on you!! On the flip side, I know a guy who got everything from his dad. Designer clothes, cars, a motor bike, skiing holiday every winter, sailing holiday every summer, a managers role in his father business at 21 (zero experience), money gifts every birthday and Christmas. But he was deeply unhappy, even though his father gave him everything he was unable to give him the one thing he wanted, which was a father who showed affection and love for him. Now in his late 20s he doesn't have contact with his dad, he's been cut off due to a petty falling out. He's working for a land escaping company, digging up gardens. And is exponentially more happy than he has ever been. Moral of the story, they might appear to be given all these "material" things on a plate but behind the scenes, where it truly matters, they might have nothing.

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ConsciousSky5968@reddit

I went to university with a girl like this. Her parents paid her tuition, gave her monthly spending money, paid for her car and petrol, paid all her bills etc. when she left uni they BOUGHT her a house outright for her and her boyfriend. She’s now a stay at home mum (even though her kids have been in school for years.) She’s never worked and went from her parents funding her to her husband funding her. Am I a bit jealous she’s had it so easy? Yes. Am I grateful that I’ve actually earned everything I own and i actually have life experience? Hell yes!

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TJWhiteStar@reddit

I don't think the issue is that she's had everything handed to her. The main issue is that she's not been taught the Value of what has been handed to her. It's normal for Kids not to be saddled with earning a living whilst they are still children it's only the broken society we live in that pushes kids to work when they should be kids. I never had a paper round growing up and my driving lessons we paid for by my parents same as my brother but we are not irresponsible with money. We weren't rich by a long stretch but we are from a family that believes in helping each other out. We lend money between us and help out because we know life is hard and value what we have. So I don't think it's that her parents gave her things that's the problem. It's that they gave her them without her learning that everything in life isn't free and it needs to be worked for be it you or the person gifting you. If she'd have been taught that then how she come about these things wouldn't matter as she'd have still understood and appreciated their value.

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PineappleDeep3211@reddit

A lot of people are belittling your questions but I totally get it. I worked for everything as a teen. From age 12 I always had a job and used the money to pay for my own toiletries and hygiene products. Sometimes I couldn't afford to go on school trips. It was lonely. I was smart enough to get into the local grammar school which was filled with middle class kids who were comfortable. They had doting parents who could afford to help them out. The contrast made me realise the different kind of starts people get in life. My start made me very extra resilient and hardworking. But those middle class kids were helped rather than disadvantaged. It is hard to watch. Life is very sadly unfair. You can still have a good go of it though, just keep your head up and try your best not to compare. The most important thing is to avoid becoming bitter about it. YOU GOT THIS

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Glynebbw@reddit

I think you’re going to have a real shock as you get exposed to actually rich and privileged people. In my school, I’d say about 20% of kids had a car off their parents (I didn’t.) my parents paid for driving lessons and insured me on mums car. There will be kids living in houses their parents bought them, going to uni paid for by them, waiting to take a £100k plus job as soon as they leave with family connections, or not work at all if there’s a trust fund. I think it would do you good to just focus on your goals and what you have. There will be people looking at you with jealously too, who don’t have supportive parents, maybe insecure housing, can’t get a job etc.

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John7g@reddit

lol a girl working in a bar at 18 is being handed everything just cause she got a car and some driving lessons? As for the job, I still remember very clearly deciding to work for the first time during my studies in London and literally getting a job (as a foreigner) in a pub in two days. I was wandering around leicester square on a Monday morning, spoke with two pub managers and on Wednesday I was already working. So not exactly a rigorous hiring process. Also what's her ethnic background? Were I'm from (provided parents can afford it ofc) it is very normal for them to pay for their children's expenses during uni, even during a master's degree. For example I got driving lessons and although I didn't get a car I could always drive one of the two my parents owned at the time.

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Sarrebas89@reddit

I don't necessarily think that it's bad that they've paid for driving lessons or a car, or helped her find a job. A lot of parents would do the same if they had the means to. It might make her less resilient when she's older though.

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Kexxa420@reddit

Parents give, children take. She might struggle, she might not. I feel like that’s something that people say to make themselves feel better.

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InterestingWin3627@reddit

Thats nothing, when I was 21 I moved to London and met a girl from a wealthy family. For her 18th birthday her grandma bought... YES bought her a flat in Earls Court. We had a short term fling and went our seperate ways. Few years later she got married to a rich banker, had a couple of kids, all looked after by nannies. Anyway... now shes a life coach and author lecturing working mums on how they can manage their time and have it all.

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moreidlethanwild@reddit

Our youngest is in a relationship with someone like this. We’ve always promoted hard work as the key to getting what you want, encouraging the kids to save. We took a tiny amount of housekeeping from then when they started work. Youngest’s girlfriend has only had one job, never paid rent or housekeeping as her parents don’t believe in it, doesn’t do chores at home for the same reasons - the mother works full time and cones home and cooks for all the family including adult kids every day. Now, they’ve bought their daughter a house. A Whois mortgage free house. We’ve told our youngest that if they want to move in they need to pay rent and not expect to live there for free. We are baffled at just giving a house to a kid who’s barely 20 but even more so to a kid that has never really cleaned a bathroom it cooked a roast dinner. Sitting here on the sidelines waiting to see how all this pans out to be honest. The girlfriend is a nice girl but has zero exposure to the realities of life. She doesn’t have the confidence to order in a busy pub for example. I do believe that handing everything to her on a plate is going to cause some real issues later down the line.

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BuildingArmor@reddit

Putting everything else that's been said about how this is normal aside, what would you suggest? That parents refuse to help their kids out? That they intentionally make them struggle at a young age? You're right to realize its jealousy, but what you haven't realized is that the problem lies with the person feeling the jealousy, not the person who has what the jealous person wants. If you're jealous of someone having driving lessons and getting a job in a bar, you're really going to have a hard time when you are hit by some actual injustice. Do you really want petty little things like this to be giving you negative emotions for your entire life?

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fleurmadelaine@reddit

My parents paid for my driving lessons, my parents bought me a car, a family friend got me an interview that lead to my first office job. I am very lucky and could either act like a spoilt brat about it or be grateful. I played taxi for my parents and their friends to facilitate their social life as soon as I could drive. I babysat for the family friend for free as a thank you for the opportunity she gave me. I think it really depends on the person how they react and whether it has a positive or negative effect.

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Imaginary-Tourist855@reddit

Do I think it will teach this girl good life skills, no. If I could would I do it for my kids so they didn't struggle, yes.

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West_Category_4634@reddit

You remind me of my cousin she has struggled her entire life with jealousy and being bitter towards others success. And blames her own lack of success on being born to poor parents. What she doesnt realise is that everyone's circumstances are different. And you need to stop looking at others and at yourself.

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Zealousideal-Wafer88@reddit

>she will struggle later in life Nah, she won't. They'll make sure she's cushy and looked after then she'll marry a banker or MP.

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terryjuicelawson@reddit

Lot of assumptions here, it is some college kid bitter that someone got driving lessons paid for and a job in a bar. Unless the college they are in is Eton.

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Fit-Individual5659@reddit

The way I see it, if I can give my child the world I certainly will. Any good parent would. The world is an unfair place, looking at what someone else has and thinking less of them for having it will never get you anywhere. Stay in your lane, do what you can with what you've got. And don't be jealous, it's gross

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lj523@reddit

This is an odd one for me, as the things you're describing are the things my parents did for me too (paid for my driving lessons, didn't get me a car but insured me on theirs, etc) but I still went out and got a job. Two actually, got a paper round when I was 13 (£30 a month for 3-4 days work) and when I was 14/15 I worked at a local garden centre (minimum wage, got me about £100 a month). I kept up the paper round until I went to uni, and I continued with the garden centre work until I was 21 (worked mostly on the landscaping side of things by that time). I also didn't have to job hunt, my parents found the paper round and I was just offered it when I called, and I had friends working at the garden centre and again, was just offered it after I turned up and wasn't shit, haha. However, my parents still gave me pocket money while in school, and helped me out during term time at uni. I think they felt that the best way for me to keep that work ethic was for the money I earned from the jobs to be for my hobbies (PC gaming, guitar playing, both expensive hobbies, haha). So I worked really hard to earn enough for the new pedal or whatever, while I was still able to use my pocket money to hang out with friends and go to the movies etc. I mean, I basically worked full time during every holiday, and there were periods of time where I was working 3 jobs (paper round, garden centre, and my local pub). So yeah, I had everything I needed, but still had the motivation to work hard. I am aware that I was/am incredibly privileged. My parents were not well off when I was younger but were able to get to a very comfortable position by the time I was in my teens.

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terryjuicelawson@reddit

Honestly this is pretty normal. If under 18s do get a job it is normally a token thing as they can't pay for everything themselves, especially driving lessons and a car on minimum wage. Why would they not help her get a job and force to go on some difficult job hunt to prove a point? You are all still kids, you will work it out. Are you more virtuous and better than her complaining and posting about this stuff?

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banxy85@reddit

I dunno dude Maybe they love them 🤷

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buffetite@reddit

Comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on what you have and how lucky you are. There are always people that have more. She might struggle later in life but she might not. Her life shouldn't make you unhappy. Focus on improving your own life in the ways you have control over.

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0rdered-Reordered@reddit

It really depends on the personality of the child. I know a family who was wealthy enough to give their children everything. 1 brother ended up with a very lucrative job through this own determination and hard work, the other brother still lives at home and works in a shop the parents own. The brother that didnt leave home was a good friend of mine in school. We lost contact in our early 20s. I ended up doing a lot of travelling and just lliving life, bearing in mind I had to work for everything as my parents were quite poor. Then just the other year I randomly met the guy again and we agreed to go for a pint and have a catchup. It struck me how little he'd changed or grown. Being in his company reminded me of who I was when we last met, and showed me how much I've changed. I've had nothing handed to me and thats kind of forced character growth on my part. But he's got this unlimited ability to shelter from life under his parents wings. Meeting him made me glad in a way that I didn't grow up with his privileges. Even though his brother made something of himself, the trappings of a wealthy family stunted him and deprived him of opportunities for personal growth

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disco_biscuits_84@reddit

It’s not what you know it’s who you know, Life isn’t fair as you get older you deal with it

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Maleficent-Fuel3362@reddit

Stop being jealous and concentrate on your own success . There are always people better or worse off, have a competition with yourself to see how successful you can be.

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ilikeanime1234567890@reddit

I had nothing growing up. My single mam did her best. I got a job, went to college, got a better job and paid for my own driving lessons. Lived frugal and saved, dropped a deposit on a shitty fixer upper house. Fixed it, got a better job, dropped a bigger deposit on a better house. I don't hate my friends for getting handouts from their parents and you can bet your arse my kids won't have it as hard. There are 4 of the little bastard's and I'm closer to 30 than 40.

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Sirlacker@reddit

There must be more to it than just 'didnt work before 18' and 'got driving lessons and a car' because I feel that's what every parent would do if they had the funds to support that. And not only that, she turned 18 and was told now is the time to work. Sure they pulled a few strings, but it's bar staff, it's not some high level corporate job she's been brought into. Because if it's just those two things then you really need to start controlling your emotions because you are clearly extremely jealous and actual jealousy isn't a good thing. It'll destroy you if left unchecked and to have it over something as menial as having parents who could afford to gift her lessons, a car and help her get a bar job, and then take from that she is being given everything, is a very dangerous place to be, mentally. So there must be more to it.

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Frankifile@reddit

I’d absurdly help my kids wherever possible. Isn’t this exactly how the rich do it? Difference for me being my reputation is on the line if I recommend someone for a job. But if I know a bright kid whose parents are friends I’d absolutely recommend that person and talk them up. They’d be earning their keep once in the job as I wouldn’t be doing thier job for them

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AceTactica@reddit

You mom is right, she hasn't really learnt to work or strugfle for anything herself and ultimately won't have that life skill.

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Otherwise_Koala4289@reddit

>and ultimately won't have that life skill But also, she's only 18. Unless her parents are extremely rich, and we've no indication they are, she will have to work when older and will soon learn that skill. Lots of people don't have jobs at 16 and 17. Few of them don't end up learning to work for things.

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Serious_Escape_5438@reddit

She's 18 and already working. Most young people these days don't work before that.

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Otherwise_Koala4289@reddit

Yeah, if the story was she's 25 and only just had to get a job then that might tell us something. But not working until 18 doesn't say that much really.

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Internet-Dick-Joke@reddit

> Lots of people don't have jobs at 16 and 17. Few of them don't end up learning to work for things. Honestly, very few people in my working-class highschool/6th form had jobs at that age. We were in the middle of a major recession, unemployment was through the roof and and grown adults weren't able to find jobs, so do you think teenagers could? I doubt things are *that* much different right now, either. Teenagers working part-time jobs (or even a paper round; those mostly get done by retirees these days) isn't commonplace any more and hasn't been for a while. Okay sure, parents buying their kid a car outright at 17 is unusual... but do we even know what car this is? Is it some £20k+ brand new car from a showroom or is it a £800 clanker from the used car lot down the road? OP says that the parents "just gave her money", but are were talking £1000 shopping sprees or just £20 per week for lunch money? Because if it's the latter, then I don't think that parents providing their school-age children with lunch money is something to criticise. OP also claims that the parents have connections to local businesses but doesn't actually state what those are, and claims that they got her a job there "at the snap of their fingers", but never actually says what those connections are and I somehow doubt that he personally observed the process by which she became employed. From the information OP has given us, it could be that they own a bunch of businesses and just hired her outright in a bar that they own, or it could just as easily just be that her dad's mate is a bar manager and he agreed to do her dad a favour by giving her a two-week trial run as a barback, and she did well enough that he kept her on, and those are honestly two very different scenarios, one of which used to be a standard way for young people to get their first job.

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wordshavenomeanings@reddit

We shouldn't be romanticising struggle. Doing without doesn't necessarily give you a life skill. If anything, being broke provides far fewer opportunities to learn and develop critical skills. Giving your child every opportunity you can, is something we all do.

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rainbow84uk@reddit

This! I grew up in a family with no money, got my first part time job at 12, and was absolutely broke all through my 20s. None of that taught me proper budgeting skills and I still feel like I'm winging it even now. Whether or not your parents pay for everything is less important than whether or not they teach you basic financial literacy.

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Fellowes321@reddit

I grew up in a town with high unemployment and a lot of problems. I wasn’t given those things you describe when I was young but I do know I was better off than many of my friends. Both my parents worked. We had nice things and our unremarkable house was called “one of the big houses” by some schoolmates. Having support, financial or otherwise from family doesn’t mean you’re blind to the difficulties others have. Since leaving that town, the “big house” would be considered “cheap” elsewhere and my parents far from wealthy but it’s an immediate comparison to people you consider your equal that causes dissatisfaction. The person you describe has a small advantage you do not. You will see much greater inequality in your life. Perhaps more than anything, this is the first adult lesson. We’re taught about fairness and sharing when children but the reality of being an adult is that fairness is rare. Some political parties run on the promise of not being fair.

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Sad-Helicopter-9219@reddit

I didn’t have a job until I finished full time education. I am now a parent, I would like think me and my husband will be on the position to help our kids out like that when the time comes

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SoggyWotsits@reddit

I think you have to look at it the other way too. If you. Like afford it, would you want to give your child everything you could? Yes they should also teach a good work ethic, but I think it we could give everything, we probably would.

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mosleyowl@reddit

I got nothing from my parents that you would class as ‘handouts’, and I am doing everything in my power to give my kids every handout I can to help them get their adult life started.

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DaddyRAS@reddit

We're comfortable enough to have done that with our eldest. But we believed by taking responsibility and earning her own money she learns about the value of her efforts and gives her freedom to but what she wants. It's meant she can go in holiday with friends and to concerts that I would have needed convincing to pay for. She's just graduated and has a job and was able to rent a flat, a long way from home, before her first pay cheque because she had savings (I paid her student house deposit and moved it to the flat). I provided her with money when she was at uni but that was to live and study, her extra fun stuff she paid for. Similarly, our youngest has a Guides trip to Sweden next year and we could pay for it but she and we are keen for her to raise money to cover costs and she's creating loads of crafts too sell at Christmas Fairs (although I but the raw material 🤣)

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BenFranklinsCat@reddit

To answer your question rather than criticise the reason for asking, short-sightedness is a massive epidemic in our culture. Parents only thinking about what makes them and their child happy right away, not how things will affect the child in the long run. Honestly I think what we've got today is a second generation of this problem, kicked off in the 80s by the clash of the consumerism boom and the UK (rightly) trying to create social mobility. Social mobility is great, but in the 80s the emerging middle class got so wrapped up in status and money that a lot of families lived on the breadline in order to convince their kids they were rich, and that's created a generation that think the value of your family is how much you can give your kids ... and since worldwide culture since then has been all more, more, more, that's what they do with their kids now.

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funnytoenail@reddit

I was something similar. Never had a job until university, went to a nice school, and whilst I didn’t have the newest everything, I had all my needs met. I still had an allowance until I found a proper job after uni. It is nice and cushty but… what I didn’t learn was work ethic. I wasn’t lazy and I don’t think I’m a bad colleague by any means, but I wasn’t a go getter, I procrastinated a lot, wasted time. And I think at least some of it was down to being given a comfortable life. A lot of the people whom I’ve seen have flown through their careers, a lot of them came from harder backgrounds than myself.

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Upbeat-Fish-3348@reddit

Personally I don't see anything wrong with it and ideally this is how I'd want to raise my kids up in the future if I end up having any.

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GraniteRose067@reddit

Your mother is very right!

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Angelf1shing@reddit

I think your mum is trying to make you feel a bit better about perhaps not having as much money as your friend. Not having a job at 16/17 is completely normal, so too is getting help to get a job at 18. It is abnormal to consider not having a job at 16 will mean you’ll struggle in later life. Ultimately, you would do better in your life if you don’t worry so much about how other people live their lives.

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Strong_Put3857@reddit

“My mother says that her parents aren't really doing her many favours, as she has no idea what it means to earn something and she will struggle later in life.” My partner was given nothing by his parents and was working from 14 and paying them rent from that point onwards. Anything he earned went towards paying for his own clothes and transportation to college etc. I’m sure their justification was to get him ready for “the real world” but all it’s meant is that he’s never been given the chance to save and feels completely unsupported and like he’s been treading water his whole life, with nothing to show for it. On the other hand, I’m like your friend where my parents gave me everything (car / driving lessons / money towards a house) and although I did have a job whilst at school, they supported me in leaving it when it would have prevented me doing certain extracurricular things that we felt was more important. I’m now very fortunate to have a house, have worked up to a comfortable job and am saving so that I can support my children in the same way. All this sounds like is good parents who are rightly giving their child all the help they can rather than “toughening her up”. I’m sure she’ll be fine in life and sorry that you’re not receiving the same level of support.

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Old-Nun@reddit

I don’t think your mother is wrong, but I’ve also known people who seemingly got everything they could have wanted growing up and as adults are still aware of the need for hard work and the value of money. As someone who grew up with very little money and spent a lot of time worrying how we would afford food, to be able to not only make sure my child doesn’t have those worries but also lived entirely comfortably is appealing.

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Remarkable-Culture39@reddit

I don't think her parents is have done too much for her. Its all normal.al things I would hope parents would do if they could. If you said she would never have to work in her life so didn't even need to go to college and they nought her a house. I think you would maybe have a point. But the fact that she's working in a bar at her age means she will need to work for a living. I think you're still very young . There will be much worse inequalities you will face in life.

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ktitten@reddit

Wait until you get into uni, if you wish to go. It gets a whole lot worse. There will be people there that arent expected to work a day in their life. There will be people there that get a job straight in investment banking or something after graduating because nepotism. Sadly, its much how this world works now. We are told its a meritocracy and thats how capitalism works. It actually works on inherited wealth that means the poor keep poor for the most part. You're probably having this realisation now. It's not fair, but its how it is for now.

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rainbow84uk@reddit

Yeah, my mum told me the same thing as OP's mum when I was a teenager who needed to get a part-time job. Then I went to uni and had the exact same realisation as you had – the actual rich people don't live in the same world as us, and will never struggle to get a job or pay the rent.

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Sea-Possession-1208@reddit

She might struggle later in life. She might not. That familial safety net might be around her for a long time. I hope to be able to do the same for my children. I see driving as a life skill round where we live. Same as swimming, reading etc. That doesn't mean they'll be bought a car but lessons are almost certainly their 17h birthday presents. Jobs are easier to get when you're 18 than when you're 16. Theres a balance to be had. Yes it is important to teach the importance of hard work. How to strive. How to fail and pick yourself up and go again. But i want my children's lives to be easier than my own. To not have to struggle all the time.

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sossighead@reddit

My parents didn’t encourage me to get a job when I was between 16-18 because I was quite good academically and they wanted me to study as much as I could. This also meant I didn’t have money to go out with my friends mind, or the time. So it wasn’t like they were saying just don’t work and we’ll give you money. It was ‘study and we’ll make sure you’re fed and have money for the bus to college’. When I went to University I decided independently I did want a job to earn a bit of cash. Was lucky to find one which was mostly weekend work, so didn’t interfere much with studying, and paid a bit better than NMW. So I suppose I’ve never had anything ‘handed to me’ as such but my parents did encourage me to focus on one thing rather than another when I was a bit younger.

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James-Worthington@reddit

Welcome to life. A narrative is spun that we’re all equal. We’re not. The sooner you make peace with that reality, the happier you’ll be.

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a11yChief@reddit

My thoughts are you are definitely in the better position. They’re forming habits in her that will mess her up when she inevitably has to learn to fend for herself. Think about why there’s advice not to feed wild animals, dependency is one hell of a drug. My advice is sit back and watch the fireworks, and put all the effort you can into being way more resilient than her.

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Pachyderminthegaff@reddit

You're building resilience. She is not. Resilience is a key marker of success.

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Objectively_bad_idea@reddit

I'd honestly discourage working while still in FTE if possible (bit different at uni) If I'd had to work while doing A-levels my grades would absolutely have suffered, I could barely keep up as it was. Realistically I'd probably have to drop a subject.

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Repulsive_State_7399@reddit

So her parents wanted her to have time to study, to get good grades before she got a job, and financed her to do so? This girl attended college and got a job at 18. She's hardly a Nepo baby. Unless they were doing her coursework for her and turning up for her work shifts, I wouldn't call this handing her everything.

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the01li3@reddit

Comparison is the theif of joy.

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Pachyderminthegaff@reddit

It's the job of parents to teach children how to become adults. Not to protect them from becoming an adult.

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Mispict@reddit

If I had the money, I'd do the same.

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acnebbygrl@reddit

Sounds like normal parents doing what they can within their means to help their child.

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DillyDallyDooo@reddit

I'm in my mid 30s. My parents did literally everything you've stated here. I don't feel like this is particularly unusual "nepotism" for a middle class family. Maybe buying the car, but otherwise, not at all It's a comforting thought that struggle makes you stronger, but in my experience (and it is deeply unfair) but it is the opposite. Having a supportive family has allowed me the confidence to take risks and have a deep belief in myself. I always knew they had my back and I could really try and not worry about failure, and if I do fail it's not the end of the world. In contrast my partner was kicked out by his mum with a punch to the face on his 16th birthday (and many other dire things) his struggle is daily. His self esteem, belief that things will go well is very low. He's always struggled, even when things are going well. Life, well it has gradually got better, is still a battle for him. He avoids risk and ambition because of fear. The struggle really did not help anything And if it did we would reguarly see the richest come from the poorest, and that is actually a very exceptional story

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Serious_Escape_5438@reddit

Absolutely. There's a reason rich people get richer, if you know you've got support if something doesn't work out you can take chances. I wouldn't deprive my child just to teach them a lesson.

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Realistic-River-1941@reddit

Ask her out...

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Inside_Ad_6312@reddit

Your mother is out of touch with a typical teenager experience. Most 16 year olds in full-time education don’t need to work at all. The fact that this child is choosing to do bar work is a good thing. Driving is necessary to get ahead in life so again, this isn’t an unreasonable thing for parents (who can afford it) to provide

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Intrepid_Bearz@reddit

Unless they can afford to hand them enough to last them their entire lives, I think it’s very irresponsible parenting. What will the kids do when they stop being supported? They’ll be woefully underprepared for life. However, if the parents have stupid money, and the kid never has to “wake up” to the reality that most of us live… that’s fine with me.

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BarNo3385@reddit

On the whole this mostly sounds like a benefit and is parents just trying to give their kids the best start in life. Removing adversity that slows or prevents people developing resilience can be problematic. But things like the cost of driving lessons isn't a "resilience" challenge, its just a practical one, and having a full driving license is a helpful life skill. Ditto with first job, having a basic entry level job that you are expected to go do is a useful foundational skill and makes it easier to get other jobs in the future. Saying "here is a £250k/yr job at your Dad's bank" is one thing.. "here's a min wage job working in a bar" seems like the resilience gain from doing the job is a big positive.

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throwaway101226863@reddit

She’s still working at 18, regardless how she got the job, she still needs to work to an acceptable standard. A lot of parents these days, if they can afford it; they’d rather their kids concentrate on studies than getting a part-time job before they’re 18. If your parents aren’t in the position to buy you a car or driving lessons, then that’s not their fault. If they can comfortably afford it and would rather you pay your own way, then that’s also kinda sensible with the way global economies are moving. Finances are more unstable than ever, with little indication of recovery or stabilisation anytime soon. Learning how to fend for yourself is definitely wise. But so is getting your child to concentrate on education rather than also having a part-time job. There’s no right answer here. So long as your parents are feeding you, keeping a roof over your head, guiding you with school/college/uni/an apprenticeship/full time employment, they’re not doing anything wrong. Unless you plan to work real hard and prepare for each of your children costing you well over £100k by the time they reach your age, I’d cut them some slack ;)

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RoutineCloud5993@reddit

I knew someone whose mum married into money, and his stepdad owned a logistics company. She once said that if he didn't get a starting salary of 50k straight out of ubiveristy he'd be coming to work for them. Absolutely delusional thinking.

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CanineMagick@reddit

This is a classic boomer view, formed at a time where hard work and good money sense was generally a good bet for success in life. It has the same vibe as “put on a suit, go to your local shop with your CV and shake the managers hand” It doesn’t apply now nearly as much as it did then. We all now have a pretty good chance of personal economic ruin, but at least that girl got to have a comfortable childhood 🤷‍♂️

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shevbo@reddit

I'd focus more on elements you can control e.g. your education, career, social interactions...and most immediately, the spelling and grammar of your post. Just because some people get everything...that doesn't mean they won't work for things and won't be a good person. They may contribute to society over their lifespan more than your average person. Equally, those that didn't get anything and work for everything can become adults that are hugely bitter and resentful to others who they deem have it 'easier'. That's not a good way to live... Life is unfair, I've accepted it and so should others. Live the life you want to live.

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Kimbo-BS@reddit

It seems fine to do for a 16- to 18-year-old, if you ask me. We love our kids. And a bar job isn't exactly setting her up for life. It is giving her work experience and work ethic, no?

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Virtual-Cake2239@reddit

You worry about “you” and carving your own way through life via merit and you will develop a lot more resilience as a person than someone who expects things handed to them.

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hereforcontroversy@reddit

To be fair to the parents they don’t sound like they needed to make her get a job at all. That is their first step towards making her independent it is just a few years behind what you’ve had to do. Working in a bar will sure be a humbling experience.

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rachbbbbb@reddit

I grew up in poverty, had my kid at 16 and basically had to crawl over glass to build up what we have today Because I never want him to experience the stuff I did, I gave him his savings at 18, wrote out his applications for him, CVs, helped him interview prep. When he got his placement and job, and found it unbelievably stressful at the start, I took him on a holiday to decompress and try to focus on relaxing. All the above things happened because I wanted to make him comfortable, while also encouraging hard work. Parents give what they can, some financially, some emotionally. Mine could manage neither, and for that- I try to do both for my kid.

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tiorzol@reddit

Sounds like she is in college, has a job and can drive. I would love my kid to be this together, it's alright to help them but she seems to be doing the rest on her own.

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Patient_Material2151@reddit

I grew up with nothing. My dad died when I was very young and my mum had to raise five children by her self. She did it. It was a struggle but we children all did very well. Because I did well, my wife and I spoil our only child a lot. He gets everything I didn't have. But...he also gets a lecture about how lucky he is, how fortunate. I think he gets it, I think he's a good lad. But he's one of the lucky ones.

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tiorzol@reddit

My mum used to lecture me about how lucky I was to be getting things she didn't have and honestly it just breeds resentment.

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stackedrunner-76@reddit

Don’t get overly jealous. It’s natural for parents to want to give their kids stuff to set them up in life, and being independently mobile - ie license plus car - is a significant thing. If it makes you feel better, my own experience is that the motivation of having to work a bit more to buy stuff when you’re younger tends to stay with you throughout life. I had a paper round from age 13 and then various Saturday jobs and bar work as I got a bit older until I graduated age 22. I am certain that it has contributed to my financial awareness and relative career success.

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k8s-problem-solved@reddit

As a parent, I naturally want my kids to have an easier life than me. If I can help them I will, why make them stuggle to teach them "how hard life is" There's a difference between that and being an entitled little shit as well.

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Usual-Frosting3882@reddit

Beware the green eyed monster. Jealousy is a normal human emotion, but it isn’t helpful. She’s been given a little more than you, had by no stretch of the imagination has she been handed everything. It’s a parent’s job to help their child to get on in life. That’s what they’re doing. Perhaps that’s more help than you’re getting but it isn’t an outrageous injustice. You’re going to find far worse injustices in life. Focus on yourself and making the most of the opportunities you are given.

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Cornelius-Figgle@reddit

There's a very different feeling when you work your whole summer and save for 8mo to buy your own car at 17. Being able to see what your hard work has got you is amazing, and it's a feeling you can't compare to being handed a car. It also makes you appreciate and care for the car more.

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Two-Theories@reddit

If it's like your friend's circumstances, they have a much easier happier life. Her work ethic and capability is evident by the fact she applied to college and got in, she's going to study for her degree and she'll work that job, etc.. Think of it another way, you wouldn't be more capable in the future if you had more hardship in your life now e.g. no internet access or heating home , or if you had to work longer hours at a part-time job, you'd just be more stressed. Some children may get spoilt to the point they'd struggle in life emotionally, and psychologically, by parents who never hold boundaries with their kids and who protect their kids from natural consequences and "negative" emotions. Whether they seem to do well otherwise will depend on how well off the parents are, e.g. can they give the kid the money and cushy "non-jobs" e.g. a title with a salary in the parent's company,

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simonannitsford@reddit

It doesn't seem fair to others, but that's the way of the world. My nephew is leaving university soon (i didnt know what I wanted to do at his age either). Have I been trying to help him decide a career path? Absolutely. Have I been in touch with HR professionals at work on his behalf to get guidance, etc.? Too right I have. He's not been handed anything, but it doesn't hurt to help.

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-TheHumorousOne-@reddit

Having connections to help someone get an entry level job has always existed and let's face it, these days there's a 2 stage interview just to get a job at McDonald's. Noone is applying for a bullshit zero hours contract job because of their dream of working in the fast food industry. The process is a bit ridiculous but I imagine it's because of how many applications they get.

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kripantina@reddit

I don’t care what people think but I will pay for my child’s education outright (no student loan), driving lessons, car, and give a first property deposit. Simply because my education was free, driving lessons were a third of the current going rate, and my first mortgage was on 0.8%. That would be morally wrong to pretend I’ve walked the same path that she’ll have to battle upstream - yes I didn’t have things handed to me by my parents, but I’ve got decent handouts from global economy comparing to today’s shambles.

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allthingskerri@reddit

I mean not needing a job when presumably still in education seems fine. As does helping to get a first job if you are able to. Gifting a car seems reasonable as does gifting driving lessons. All things I have done for my step son despite not being well off (I'm a retail worker) parents should want to provide and help their children. Sure there's bigger times where nepotism is at play but what you describe sounds fairly normal.

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Robmeu@reddit

It’s only worse when your kid knows given everything and gets all up themselves because you won’t or can’t do the same for them. Entitlement is bloody ugly.

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Polz34@reddit

Some people will always have it 'easier' sounds like this girl will always have opportunities most of us don't. Life is unfair!

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DonkeyJousting@reddit

I dunno. I feel like most people will probably know someone who knows someone who’s looking for bar staff over the course of their lives. It’s not like the girl turned 18 and started working for an MP or was hired at Google. It’s not like the Buddha being shielded from the concept of suffering or death until he was an adult. She basically got a zero-hour contract at Spoons.

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inspectorgadget9999@reddit

Being born into wealth is like bowling with the bumpers up, only you don't realise the reason you're winning is because you're the only one with the bumpers up.

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mo_tag@reddit

Will your friend struggle to adjust to adult life? Perhaps. But you're just as likely to struggle if you think she's being handed "everything" and seeing this as a massive injustice when in fact it's very common. If you're truly concerned about your friend's parents not doing her any favours you wouldn't be jealous of her would you? So maybe stop worrying about your friend, and start working on yourself because if you grow into just another crab in the bucket, it's *your* life that will be miserable.

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PersonalAsparagus975@reddit

It’s always a tough one. I am not a wealthy person but I do want my kids to not have to struggle in life because who really wants to see their kids struggle? But on the flip side I don’t want them to be useless entitled jerks that don’t know the meaning of hard work. I do have savings accounts for them that they aren’t aware of to give them a little leg up when they’re older. But equally they don’t get pocket money for just existing, they have to do jobs around the house to earn it. Some people will glide through life and never see hardship. That’s just the way it is. You can either focus your energy on looking at them and asking why it’s not you. Or you can focus your energy on what you can do with your own life. Always remember, there are people out there that will look at you the same way. Wishing they had your life because they have even less opportunity than you do.

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fireeyedboi@reddit

Who wouldn’t help their child get a bar job if they could? It’s hardly the end of the world.

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Ready-Hold-4000@reddit

life is hard so its natural that her parents want to help her out. i dont really think that having caring parents will cause her to struggle.

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Zerojuan01@reddit

Giving every advantage there is to your future generations ensures survival. That's true, it's a blessing as long as you guide them how to navigate life and use the resources properly.

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Aggravating_Ad9275@reddit

My parents bought me an old Corsa at 17 and paid for my driving lessons. Of course I am extremely grateful for this leg up, but there were a couple of people at my school who's parents had bought them Range Rovers & Audi's. Others paid for their own cars and lessons. At Uni a girl was gifted a brand new A Class for her 21st Birthday. I worked all the way through my degree, but many of my friends didn't have part time jobs. Later in my 20s I knew people whose parents had bought an extra house and were renting it to them for massively below market rate. Others went to live with their parents due to high rents, while the rest paid the going rent rates. In my 30s now, and I encounter people that were given a leg up somewhere in life, and those who had to earn everything themselves. Life isn't fair, stop reflecting on what other people have and concentrate on your own life.

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One_Anteater_9234@reddit

They become expectant of bigger things for little effort and sometimes due to that energy they actuallt get it. Plonk themselves in high paid low effort jobs because they think they deserve it and the image fits. Saw a video the other day of an Arabic mother and her kids. Like 7 nannies, maids to dress clean tidy, chauffer, expensive luxury items. But they just seemed like boring as fuck people. Fundamental drama builds character and personality and they seem to have neither, just money. I was day dreaming about a economic shift for them and they would die not being able to open a can of beans. It would destroy them

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ChangingMonkfish@reddit

Most parents just want to give their kids a good life, so if they can afford to then why wouldn’t they? My parents paid for my driving lessons too, I don’t think it’s that abnormal, and I also didn’t have a proper job until I was about 17 or 18 because my parents wanted me to focus on studying.

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Frozen_Ash@reddit

My parents did this for me and then they stopped randomly. I was fucked and had no idea how to life alone. Don't be jealous because the same might happen to her.

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Joshthenosh77@reddit

I think everyone doesn’t need to go through the same hardships as us , let them be happy with their life

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SchoolForSedition@reddit

I’d like to think that struggling pays off. It made me very resilient, but didn’t overcome the practical consequences of other people having money and connections. On the other hand, resilience is very useful indeed. You can be anxious and depressed, especially in the wrong job, and it can destroy you.

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moon-bouquet@reddit

When I was growing up there was free uni tuition, means-tested living grants - all gone. My folks had enough money that I could prioritise my studies on a demanding course. I had that advantage and my generation were able to accumulate capital if they had steady jobs. That is no longer the case in the UK, so keeping my kids out of debt and diminishing their burden of stress in a harder world than I had to live in is my priority. Could I buy them cars? No. Would I if I could? Probably.

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Training-Goat-2430@reddit

Seems like a parent who offered their kids what they could I’d do the same, life can be difficult, my parents want me to have a better life than them where possible, I generally feel the same way about those in my life ‘how can I give them an easier time than I had’

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_-id-_@reddit

Just live your own life with the cards you're dealt. You'd probably do the same for your own kids.

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shoob420@reddit

I think if you have the means to do this for your child objectively you should do it, however I think it's also important to teach that child that it's a privilege to have these things so they don't turn into assholes & hate people for being poor or not being able to succeed as quickly. The amount of grown adults who take genuine issues with other adults not driving or taking time of work or even struggling to find work is slightly insane tbh.

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FieryFruitcake@reddit

I've experienced similar with colleagues that were given a lot of this sort of privilege, although they do recognise it. Thing is, they may never experience the hardship you have, and they may not ever be confronted with not being able to do what you had to struggle to do. If it's any consolation though, there's no teacher like experience. Worst case scenario, you understand what it means to struggle and work for something, and if you're well adjusted, it'll make you an empathetic and compassionate person. I've never had support stronger than those that know what its like to not have any.

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No_Two_4312@reddit

Personally, I got nothing from my parents and now I give my kids everything. I dragged myself up by my bootstraps so they won't have to.

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Substantial-Bug-4998@reddit

My brother did it with his daughter and hes created an absolute brat. Expects everything, appreciates nothing, thinks of nobody but herself. Shes now 21 and we were hoping she'd grow out of it but sadly not. He knows what hes done but still just keeps feeding her money.

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TheTackleZone@reddit

It's a mixed bag here, and depends on the personality of the individual. For some they have their heads screwed on and are self sufficient, and these hand outs just make their life easier. But most of the time what you create with this parenting style is a slug. Someone who can't look after themselves because they've never had to deal with any of the little lessons that life throws your way. It's hard to step back as a parent and watch your child fail, but usually that's how you learn and grow. So your mum could well be right, and your friend could be trapped as a child all their life.

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BrightwaterBard@reddit

We had a girl like this at Uni in first year. By that point I’d worked about 3-4 part time jobs in GCSE/A-level. Couldn’t fathom how she had never had a job at the age of 18. She did seem less emotionally mature as a result and had a lot of anxieties/difficulties talking to people. Wouldn’t necessarily say grass is always greener.

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Inkblot7001@reddit

"Comparison is the thief of joy.."

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theysellcoke@reddit

No need to be jealous, you're in control of your own decisions and money. She most likely has to do as she's told as her finance can be easily stopped whenever she 'steps out of line'.

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Sea-Still5427@reddit

>Am I jealous? Absolutely. This is the point to work on as jealousy can slow you down in life. Things aren't fair and your friend's parents are doing what most would if they could: setting up their child with the basics of adult life and allowing her to focus on her education. We all face challenges and she will too.

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intothedepthsofhell@reddit

I'm not rich but planned ahead and saved from when my kids were born so they could have a car at 17. We helped them get jobs in bars as most teenagers aren't confident enough to do it themselves. Do I think we've spoilt them in some ways? Yes. Are have they been given "everything"? No. We've given them a leg up. But they have to go to work to pay for the ongoing running of a car. That's adulting imo.

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ChelseaMourning@reddit

There’s a balance. If I have the resources to make my daughter’s life easier as she gets older (she’s 11), then I’ll use them. Just like my parents did with me. However, I still expect her to work hard at school and get a good career off her own back. Not that I’m in a position to help her in that way anyway. If she gets into bother with debt, I’ll help if I can. But I’m not going to pay her way. She already has what many would consider to be a “middle class” lifestyle (or advanced working class, which is what it really is). If she wants to maintain that when she’s older, she can graft for it just like I did.

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Fantastic_College_32@reddit

I mean my friends had that where I didn’t, I went to uni later in life, passed my test at 24 etc - I’m in my 30s now and happy where I am with my job, house and car. I’m not well off but I live happy, I travel and I really enjoy my job. But I’ll also work hard to make sure my children get opportunities I didn’t, driving lessons and a car opens up your world of opportunities imo. It’s cliché but it’s very true, it’s not what you know it’s who you know. It’s hard truths to learn as you grow up and it feels wrong working harder for things others don’t have to but sadly that’s life.

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Ok-Case9095@reddit

Let me guess, only child?

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Perfect_Ending7@reddit

It feels really unfair, and your mother is right - she would struggle…. It’s just she doesn’t have to struggle because she is fortunate. She doesn’t have to feel what it’s like to struggle and is very fortunately. It’s a position we all would love to be in if we could. As unfair as it is, if I was able to do the same for my child then would I? Absolutely.

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33backagain@reddit

Life isn’t fair. Best you get used to that now. Other people have unfair advantages and shit happens.

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Character_Layer_5938@reddit

If it makes you feel any better there a high chance this girl will contribute to the end of the family wealth There is a reason why they call it rags to rags in 3 generations. The first generation establishes the wealth, the second benefits but still have has second hand experience of the struggle, the third sees their parents have always had it easy and eventually blows it. As somebody fortunate enough to have a daughter, but be in the second generation, it is something I think about constantly

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