Weird reaction to family gatherings. Is it just aging out as a Gen Xer?

I grew up in a family that was pretty antisocial so a family gathering was usually a Thanksgiving and Christmas meal with my maternal grandmother until she passed in my senior year. Paternal grandmother passed when I was in 5th grade but my dad (silent gen) only visited her 1-2x's per month. I learned at an early age that blood did not always mean "family" and you did not have to subject yourself to being in the presence of people who did not care or respect you. Both my parents were gone by the mid-2010's. But, my husband's family was huge and his maternal side was very much into "family" and gatherings. I was young, naive and never had that growing up so embraced it. Every holiday demanded (yes, demanded is appropriate) a gathering for all to attend with the one exception being Thanksgiving but then MIL demanded us to be at her house instead...because family or some BS. Then there was Christmas. Christmas Eve was to be with his paternal family, Christmas morning was to be with MIL/FIL and Christmas night with his maternal family. Where did this leave anytime for my family (aka parents and then mom after my dad passed...it didn't). It was brutal. After 5-7 years of this, we broke and went out of town/vacation for Christmas (spending it with my mom peacefully) and stopped going to most other family holiday gatherings unless we wanted to. It caused a fuss at first but they eventually dealt with it until things escalated of course. A few years ago, MIL got quite sick (FIL passed early 2010's). Her and I had a falling out where I was almost no contact and hubs was low contact (no need to rehash reasons now). Lots happened and we both eventually made peace with it during the weeks before she passed. Her family on the other hand didn't. We were the bad guys because we had to move her out of her home and in with SIL. One of his cousins said I was pulling the strings behind the scenes and causing her own children not to like her (although we were the ones sitting by her bedside through the final days of hospice). They literally planned and held their own "memorial" service (without her ashes) after her kids had already planned one and invited all her friends and family to it telling SIL that we were welcome to come too. When her kids memorial service came around, not one of them showed up to support her kids. Some watched it on a live stream and later told them it was "disgraceful". So, when it comes down to it, old style family gatherings are just a front for control by the elders of the family who expect you to fall in line. Nowadays, our gatherings are small with kids and grandkids and I try to make it as non-stressful as possible. We still vacation during Christmas so I try to arrange a meal at Thanksgiving but it completely works around my kids/grandkids schedule. I don't ever want to be that overbearing person who demands attendance and have told my kids that time and time again. I had too much of that when they were growing up.