tried cooking fish for the first time in a while. it couldnt have went worse

Yeah, my first instinct to salvage overcooked fish is to add mayonnaise and maybe sour cream or cream cheese to make something like tuna salad or a dip.

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AnotherIronicPenguin@reddit

Mayo, egg, cracker crumbs. Form patties and fry. Serve with sour cream and voila! You have some sort of fish cake.

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Mark_d_K@reddit

I mean if you just keep adding corn until there's literally only corn then the fish basically doesn't exist anymore and so will be fixed.

[-]

AnotherIronicPenguin@reddit

Homeopathic fish in a solution of corn.

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idejmcd@reddit

Yea but then it's corn all the way down, which... What's even the point of dinner anymore?

[-]

Mundane_Dog_2744@reddit

{thawing the unpackaged fish by dunking it in warm water} --- uhhh fuckin what? Why in the world would you thaw unpackaged food in the sink?

{fish got saturated with water so when i put it in the hot oiled pan} speed running a house fire.

[-]

Taniwhaea@reddit

The corn thing cracked me tf up hahaha. Damnnn.

Next time let it defrost in the fridge for a day. Take it out, dry the fish off real quick by dabbing it with a tough paper towel (don’t want it sticking). Dump half a cup of flour with ONE pinch each of salt, pepper, smoked paprika and garlic powder into a flat bowl and mix it with a fork. Crack and scramble an egg into another flat bowl. Dunk the fish in the egg so it’s fully coated and then into the flour, fishing it out with a fork so you don’t scrape it off, and place it into a hot pan with a tiny bit of butter in it. When the fish gets a bit golden brown and starts to fall apart it’s done. Serve with lemon!

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Mookiesmum33@reddit

Where’s the fish?

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Only_Ingenuity_6832@reddit

MORE CORN

hahaha funny story though.

I want some fish now

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Theworm826@reddit

Did David Lynch make this? Creamed corn and a fish in a percolator.

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Noleyone@reddit

My partner read this to me and I had to come thank you for this tasty Twin Peaks joke.

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fermatajack@reddit

"The fish went to shit, so I added corn."

Sometimes a person's cooking process just blows my mind. I would have taken the L, and just made a peanut butter sandwich.

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Bonnskij@reddit

I might've tried cream before corn. Add a couple of boiled potatoes and you might have something

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JesusSaysRelaxNvaxx@reddit

I can't say that ever in my life have I thought, "hm...corn could make this better." With the exception of maybe a chili or tortilla soup 😆

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adventurepony@reddit

Car won't start. Maybe it needs some corn

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notabigmelvillecrowd@reddit

Try it now

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derivative_noob@reddit

Yep

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strunksss@reddit

Fish and corn? Am I new here?

[-]

Noleyone@reddit

Instructions unclear, fish now corn.

[-]

CautionarySnail@reddit

When fish falls apart, consider a strategic pivot to making fish corn chowder.

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onceapotate@reddit

Please don't.

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Pinglenook@reddit

I made fish corn chowder last week, it was good! It was not at all similar to the monstrosity in this post though.

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gr33nday4ever@reddit

....where's the fish?

[-]

IceCoughy@reddit

gif

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1nTh3Sh4dows@reddit

Just throw it on some garlic bread, we'll call it Guantanamo caviar

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princessofparmesia@reddit

What the fuck is this? Lmao

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galaxxystar@reddit (OP)

someone told me it looks like bug guts.

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saoshi_mai@reddit

looks like corned beef

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412Dude43@reddit

No really, wtf is it? Where’s the fish? What. The. Fuck. Is. This?

[-]

miqqqq@reddit

That, but when I read ‘it went right through me’ I’d 100% believe this was the result

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jewelophile@reddit

Underrated comment

[-]

adamjfish@reddit

Did it look the same going out?

[-]

galaxxystar@reddit (OP)

it did

[-]

OREOSTUFFER@reddit

Perhaps bug guys would have been preferable to this.

[-]

princessofparmesia@reddit

Omg it kind of does lol

[-]

ArmadilloSighs@reddit

i gotta say, i just watched my grandfather pass today, and this post and all the comments made me laugh so hard. i needed to laugh

thanks, all.

[-]

IronerOfEntropy@reddit

Thawing ANY food in warm water is asking to get the shits.

Never thaw anything in warm water. Always under a running faucet.

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galaxxystar@reddit (OP)

thank you, my parents never taught me how to cook so what im learning here is i need to take a cooking class or two

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Nerd_4_Life@reddit

Not just running water. Cold running water.

[-]

Sharp_Childhood_7623@reddit

Or a quick food safety class

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IronerOfEntropy@reddit

You good. Im just helping a fellow ratatouille with food safety I learned for & from my server jobs. Dont be discouraged and keep cooking.

I bet it was edible. I may or may not have seen similar tuna salads as a child... but they tasted great! Allegedly.

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notabigmelvillecrowd@reddit

If you're shitting yourself in half an hour, I'd wager it's not edible. Though it seems suspiciously fast, makes me wonder what other culinary delights they're whipping up.

[-]

Sbauer1875@reddit

Hello Fresh or those meal kits are a good way to learn how to cook. They give you all the ingredients and step by step directions. My friend learned to cook that way, and she actually eats meals that I would eat now! Before, not so much.

[-]

agoia@reddit

I should try one of those again now that I work from home a lot more and it wont get left on a 95 degree porch for 5-8 hours to be lightly pre-steamed.

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MissBanana_@reddit

These are actually super helpful! I’ve been a decent cook since my mid-twenties, but after our daughter was born my husband signed us up for a meal kit service for the convenience, and I learned a lot from them.

[-]

Notapooface@reddit

Just buy a cookbook or watch youtube, take some responsibility for your own skills dude.

[-]

galaxxystar@reddit (OP)

you know what, ur right. i havent had trouble cooking fish in the past so this was an experience, but yes it is my fault. i will do better next time

[-]

Mohander@reddit

I'm not a great cook but i've had a lot of success with my slow cooker that I bought. Usually if something comes out bad it's because you just didn't leave it in long enough. It's basically cooking for dummies.

[-]

agoia@reddit

But definitely do not slow cook fish.

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cometshoney@reddit

Don't feel bad. I forgot how to make the gravy after frying chicken, and I added water instead of milk. I've never forgotten the explosion of hot grease everywhere. We sometimes learn the hard way how not to do things. Plus, absolutely no one has died from my cooking, even counting that time I put regular rice into porcupine meatballs, and everyone almost lost a tooth or 3. You'll get better.

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random_question4123@reddit

It can be submerged in cold water though, while packaged

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MissBanana_@reddit

But if it was in a store bought vacuum sealed package, you need to take it out and thaw it in something else. I only learned that recently and I’m absolutely horrified by how many times I risked making my family sick in the past.

[-]

notabigmelvillecrowd@reddit

The point of using cold water is that you keep it at a safe temperature.

[-]

1egg_4u@reddit

Genuine question from a grown feral child who learned everything by accident: why?

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snailsonxanax@reddit

Thawing in warm water puts the food in the danger zone for food born illnesses to thrive.

[-]

1egg_4u@reddit

Well that explains a lot from the child of a person who thaws everything in warm

You may have solved our rank family guts

[-]

snailsonxanax@reddit

The danger zone is 40°-140°f. I generally prefer to thaw things by putting frozen food in the fridge for a few days. If I don't remember and it's a fairly small piece, like a fish fillet, I thaw it in the packaging under cool running water in the sink. Hope this helps!

[-]

1egg_4u@reddit

Thanks bud, youll probably never stop me just outright cooking things from frozen but thats why Im never the one who makes the meat :')

But at least now I wont poison people like my mom does!

[-]

agoia@reddit

Just plan a bit better and move it to the fridge the night before to thaw safely.

When thawing with warm water, the ouside of the meat (where most of the bacteria will be anyways) gets to the danger zone (temperatures favorable for bacterial multiplication) quicker and stays there longer since it takes a while to thaw the middle. Cold water mitigates this somewhat, but you might still be looking at a 58-60 degree outer layer, which is still in the danger zone but on the safer side.

The bad part about bacteria is the toxins they produce as waste, While the bacteria are killed off when the food is cooked, their waste prpducts remain and make you sick.

[-]

gilly_girl@reddit

And the cold water doesn't have to be gushing full-blast, a small stream is fine.

[-]

Troopx@reddit

Caveman recipe?

[-]

vlajay@reddit

Would..

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Heavy-Studio2401@reddit

The fuck did you cook it with a blender?

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SaveTheDayz@reddit

I made a post on this sub about 15 years ago and finally you have topped it

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Buchlinger@reddit

This is my shit after corn night.

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Doglover4561@reddit

Thought this was ground beef at first

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SteveAxis@reddit

I’ll save it with corn.

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Jessicat844@reddit

Goddamn.

[-]

GOTricked@reddit

Looks like you’re showing us after it already went through you.

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Chonky_D_Floofy@reddit

Oh, it can always go worse

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EasyBoysenberry940@reddit

I dont know that looks good. Eat it like a dip with crackers, maybe add some cream cheese

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Professional-Cap-495@reddit

Butt from a poop

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iamsheph@reddit

Damn, I haven’t had scrambled fish corns in forever

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silentcoyotedream@reddit

Conker's Bad Fur Day mini boss

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ClessxAlghazanth@reddit

where is the fish

[-]

Ok-Computer-5379@reddit

Where's the fish now

[-]

coffeesunandmusic@reddit

What fish did you attempt?

[-]

Purifiedx@reddit

This post made me laugh so much. Your cooking story is wild.

[-]

Killzone3265@reddit

so was this before or after the bathroom

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YRob_Redditor3@reddit

Ummmm, where is the fish exactly?

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Ok_Ant_3554@reddit

Once I made parmesean breaded salmon in the oven. Cat wouldnt even eat a piece

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spesimen@reddit

good ol' fish gristle and corn just like maw used ta make

[-]

LegalFan2741@reddit

😭😭😂😂 I’m just going to save this whole post for days I feel like killing myself. It’ll put me right back on the good side

[-]

kittydavis@reddit

The comments just keep getting better and better 🤣

[-]

AwarenessTop2436@reddit

I can’t stop laughing at these comments 😂 thanks Reddit

[-]

Bugsy_Goblin@reddit

Was it a corn fish?

[-]

MidnightOk8472@reddit

If you can’t cook fish you should probably stay out of the kitchen

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onedollalama@reddit

This is peak material for this sub. Best sub ever. Wtf is this 🤣🤣

[-]

SirGergoyFriendman@reddit

This sub used to have super well plated, michelin star looking food but it was like dino nuggets. Now it's just slop on paper plates. Should just be r/shittyfood these days since the porn is long gone.

[-]

gothhotpocket@reddit

Put it on top of rice and add sriracha ! I’m there 😋

[-]

galaxxystar@reddit (OP)

i did add sriracha but i think it made it worse

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Lonelysock2@reddit

Everything you say makes me laugh more

[-]

KTKittentoes@reddit

Oh sweet fancy Moses, what a nightmare!

[-]

gothhotpocket@reddit

😮‍💨 u tried mate that’s all that matters

[-]

letstalkaboutfeels@reddit

i dropped a raw egg into freshly cooked cup noodle thinking that was hot enough. NOPE.

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salesyclitoris@reddit

This is corn. I hope this helps

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CurrentConference167@reddit

It's gonna come out looking the same way it entered

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makecrackazmad@reddit

mmm scrambled fish and corn, my favorite! 😋

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KodamaBlu@reddit

I think you mean you corn.

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KDizzle-Shizzle_3@reddit

I just laughed so hard! here me out, the REAL sht on a shingle lol

[-]

KDizzle-Shizzle_3@reddit

Warm water!? Yes, yes...that is why it went thru you 😅 i feel bad for the corn.

I highly recommend using Cold water, next time

[-]

TheVoidWithout@reddit

Corn and fish? Bold choice.

[-]

eagles16106@reddit

Is this fish in the room with us?

[-]

nwhq@reddit

Maybe the fish was the friend we made along the way.

[-]

idejmcd@reddit

Looks like he maybe used a tube of anchovy paste

[-]

chasinjason13@reddit

Is the fish in the corn with us?

[-]

Plantmesunshine25@reddit

Where is the fish?

[-]

kingloptr@reddit

I basically said this out loud before clicking the post

....so much corn

[-]

Savings_Map9550@reddit

imagine how fish could cause so much chaos in just one meal

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gilly_girl@reddit

Fish revenge.

[-]

idejmcd@reddit

What kinda fish?

[-]

MrsVivi@reddit

This attempt is clearly a chop but you’re good for trying things out for the first time and trying to make it work. Jokes aside, corn fritters are a really good side dish with fried fish.

[-]

HoopaDunka@reddit

Is this a ChatGPT recipe?

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kittygomiaou@reddit

I remember my first day on earth too

[-]

DueDisaster3160@reddit

Jesus i thought that was ground beef

[-]

GooseGosselin@reddit

Gonna look the same when your done with it.

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WordsAtRandom@reddit

Picture 3 could very easily be after you'd eaten it...

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withbellson@reddit

Corned fish hash.

[-]

Quote16@reddit

youtube culinary university should become your best friend after this

[-]

tunaman808@reddit

No, your grammar is worse than your cooking.

[-]

Ok-Freedom-1485@reddit

Bro…. WTAF

[-]

AwarenessTop2436@reddit

Is it on kitchen roll too 😭 I have actual y tears hahaha

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Mecha-Dave@reddit

That corn looks a bit fishy.

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Machaeon@reddit

Bro what... depending on the thickness of the filler, you might not even need to thaw it to cook. Just adjust the cooking time and temp

[-]

FlawedHero@reddit

Yep. And the fish cells aren't going to get completely waterlogged, it's pretty common to thaw seafood in cold water if you need it quickly.

A couple paper towels could have saved this whole mess before it even got there.

[-]

bigduckmoses@reddit

Garlic bread can make anything somewhat edible

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okmijnmko@reddit

It's corny af

[-]

Critical-Chemist-860@reddit

The corn + explosive diarrhea just makes me imagine you on the toilet with a machine gun spitting out back there.

[-]

Emily_Porn_6969@reddit

First off , buy fresh fish . Period .

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DownInTheDumpsAgain@reddit

at first i thought you tried to make a tuna salad or something and you just put too much corn, but this... hahahahah

don't give up!!!

[-]

PawnWithoutPurpose@reddit

You cannot get food passing your entire digestive tract in 30 minutes. This was a one in/one out policy for an earlier eaten meal… and judging by your food here, it probably wasn’t very stable

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Capable_Eggs@reddit

Yummy yum yum corny fish

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Chefkoch_Murat@reddit

Rookie Mistake, you have to use water to boil, not corn.

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-perspicacious_@reddit

Gone* worse.

[-]

NervousSnail@reddit

Fish likes to fall apart. Even worse when using frozen fillets. This is why if we aren't grilling a whole fish with the skin on, we like to cover it in breadcrumbs or batter to fry it.

A simpler alternative for frozen fillets is a shallow poach. Fry up some veg, put the frozen fillets on top, add some wine/stock/cream and stick a lid on.

[-]

Mark_d_K@reddit

Actually, it depends on the fish. Some firmer fish like catfish / pangasius is great when you just drop the frozen thing straight in the pan and let it heat up on medium with just a bit of oil. The water will evaporate and the fish will retain structural integrity. If you then add some soy sauce toward the end, it will reduce into a delicious glaze. Throw in some frozen peas and serve over rice for a complete weeknight meal.

[-]

GenericAccount13579@reddit

People grill whole fish without batter all the time. It’s like…the generic staple way to make fish all around the globe ever since humans were taking fish out of water

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Some_Ad_6511@reddit

I bet it was tilapia….

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Lopsided-Ad5950@reddit

Idk what it tastes like but it looks like id eat it over rice with a drizzle of ketchup

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random_question4123@reddit

That dish also belongs in this sub

[-]

Mammoth-Swimming-807@reddit

ketchup is too far…

[-]

LegalFan2741@reddit

I’m just fucking dying at the comments 😭😃 OP this is the best submission for this sub so far. All this gold

[-]

galaxxystar@reddit (OP)

i try my best

[-]

trytrymyguy@reddit

Jesus buddy, that’s a cry for help

[-]

Odd-Syllabub-3642@reddit

Trying to throw that shi on some garlic bread to make it more palatable is hilarious and so real..

[-]

petterpopper@reddit

I’d recommend you start your cooking adventures but looking up very basic recipes and following them exactly 😅. We all know that mountains are climbed one step at a time, but for fucks sake don’t take a shit in a crevasse then fall in

[-]

TheGrimMelvin@reddit

Is there such a thing a recipe?

They say hat apparently those are texts which you can look at that give you some hints ahoj how to cook food. Maybe you can try finding one of those mysterious scriptures?

[-]

powerdab@reddit

So, how was the pizza you ended up ordering?

[-]

spitslaps@reddit

that's poop from a butt

[-]

Grai0black@reddit

Is this a shitty tik tok Ai recipe, because I swear I've seen this corn slob in multiple posts today

[-]

ifuckinlovetiddies@reddit

Is the trying the room with us?

[-]

SouthPawArt@reddit

Good, now you've ruined a bunch of corn and the fish.

[-]

I_dream_of_Amarillo@reddit

https://www.reddit.com/r/Poopfromabutt/s/2YDXCHyLrC

[-]

ThirstyChello@reddit

I thought this was a repost of the chatgpt recipe lady from yesterday lol

[-]

zombie_on_the_lawn@reddit

Fish?

[-]

bagelcheese420@reddit

why would you think corn would fix the amount of seasoning and not like, potatoes or something

[-]

galaxxystar@reddit (OP)

i didnt have potatoes

[-]

CuntForSpades@reddit

Problem solving isn’t for everyone OP, but the choices made here are impressively nonsensical.

[-]

GaetanDugas@reddit

What's with the corn

[-]

gilly_girl@reddit

Make fritters!

[-]

milk3njoy3r@reddit

What's shitty? It's just food

[-]

ElkSad9855@reddit

Bro defrosted fish in water with no covering… holyyyyy shit.

[-]

Begotten912@reddit

Never corn a fish

[-]

Kiddoika@reddit

I’m imagining that you cooked and shredded a carp and the corn was just the contents of its stomach… please tell me I’m not correct

[-]

inigos_left_hand@reddit

Every single decision you made while cooking this was wrong. That’s pretty impressive actually.

[-]

TammyMeow@reddit

Where’s the fish

[-]

whoops-adaizy@reddit

gif

[-]

Feeling-Comfort7823@reddit

Would you like more fish with your corn sir?

[-]

camoure@reddit

You shouldn’t be thawing any type of raw meat, fish included, in warm water. That allows bacteria to rapidly grow prior to cooking. Plus then the outside gets too thawed and the inside still frozen, causing uneven cooking like a cool centre that didn’t kill off the bacteria you just allowed to spread. Remember, it’s not necessarily the bacteria that makes you sick, but the toxins they release and often those toxins are still present even after cooking. Added bonus with fish, parasites! Don’t give their eggs a chance to spread in your kitchen with unpackaged thawing. Hope you washed whatever container you had the fish thawing in (hoping it wasn’t the sink)

[-]

7GrenciaMars@reddit

Don't get me wrong, I love corn, but "just throw corn on it" is 100% NOT on my list of things to try when a recipe goes awry.

That said, I have had plenty of my own disasters in the kitchen, so I have probably tried something similar in the past.

[-]

Egzo18@reddit

"since it went right thru me. "

You gotta thaw raw fish slowly, gradually, in cold water that you replenish every X minutes or in fridge.

[-]

galaxxystar@reddit (OP)

i was gonna have corn as a side but when the fish didnt turn out i just mixed the corn with it

[-]

galaxxystar@reddit (OP)

i dont think youd want to

[-]

galaxxystar@reddit (OP)

worse. pollock

[-]