Are we the last ones to talk to people?!
Posted by CrabbyCatLady41@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 97 comments
I’m traveling for a professional convention. I purchased my airfare and made all my reservations without speaking to another person. Got to the airport and checked in, went through the whole day of travel and probably spoke a total of 10-15 words. Thankfully my Uber driver was extremely chatty, because that was about it for light conversation for the whole trip.
At the convention I talked to some vendors and other people in my field, mostly because I like to talk to people. I honestly could have gotten away with not doing that.
Checked in and out of my hotel without speaking to another human as well. Ordered food in an app and picked it up at the counter. I said “thank you” to a few people. It’s even hard to strike up a conversation with anybody! I’m typing this at the airport because I failed to get anybody to make eye contact with me.
It’s just so odd, that’s all. I like to talk to strangers— I’m a nurse and I was a waitress for many years. I just wonder when did we decide it was not just unnecessary, but undesirable, to speak to other humans? I appreciate the convenience of using an app for everything, but I get the impression that the social anxiety my students complain about is really just the fact that they don’t know HOW to have a polite interaction with a stranger because it’s no longer part of our daily life.
Anyway, that’s all, end of rant. I now know what it’s like to be an old person.
Lucky_Louch@reddit
I just don't use apps unless I absolutely have to. I would rather help others keep their jobs for as long as possible instead of giving in to pure laziness and using an app to order my food, check into my hotel, drive me ect. I don't care if it makes me seem like a b**mer, I hate it all and will fight it until it becomes impossible to. We are all screwed and happily ushering in our own demise.
curious_walriss_888@reddit
This! It only becomes an issue when we let it.
curious_walriss_888@reddit
I don't believe so! I think it's all about how we raise our kids. If we give them opportunities to boost their confidence in public, they're more likely to speak up.
We have the most charismatic 4yo, and he will strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. I always encourage him to continue in the situations where it's appropriate to do so. He LOVES meeting new people.
DocMcCracken@reddit
I have alway made my kids speak when ordering food or drinks. They used to not really like it, until now, they are able to and handle people and at their job in a super market they are given front end responsability because they can handle it. They don't get flustered by having to talk to someone.
mizushimo@reddit
I noticed that it's been a thing lately that kids, even teens can't bring themselves to order their own food. I don't remember anyone having that issue when I was growing up in the 80s, we all loved ordering our own stuff at restaurants.
curious_walriss_888@reddit
I definitely encourage our 4 yo to order for himself, and he's amazing at it!
Indubitalist@reddit
Same. Nothing is better training than interacting with strangers who are required to interact with you and generally have to be patient and polite. I insist on my kids ordering food and using good manners.
zenerNoodle@reddit
I don't have any problem talking to people (sometimes I enjoy it), but anything that requires information transfer (scheduling a flight, ordering food, making reservations, etc), I much prefer not to have another person involved. Way too easier for that other human to make mistakes. If I'm entering data into an interface, I can double check it as much as I want before submitting. Any mistakes are mine. When I'm trusting someone else to enter the data, I have to trust their accuracy. Given the choice, I'd rather not.
mizushimo@reddit
It does seem like that. I hear over and over again on the internet about how people get anxious or hate that kind of surface small talk but without it everyone is just kind of disconnected from their surroundings and isolated in their bubbles.
dumbass_sempervirens@reddit
I used to contracg work.
So I would show up a company with a contact name.
If that person wasn't there I had to ask for whoever was in charge then, and hey good news. I'm here to upgrade to wifi. I'm going to make your employees love you.
Everyone let me in everywhere.
I really was doing that though.
It wasn't some bullshit internet "wear a hi-vis vest and carry a clipboard" shit. No I WAS putting in new WAPs or a DAS system.
pc817@reddit
It's so true though, I did a similar job as you and you quickly realize that a pair of khakis, a clipboard and confidence is an all access pass to almost anywhere
dumbass_sempervirens@reddit
I go with jeans, and a tool pouch and an impact driver on my belt.
Soggy_Porpoise@reddit
What's wrong with that?
shakeyshake1@reddit
People have such high expectations for conversations now. I mean we used to be able to have an argument about whether an actor was in a certain movie for like 10 minutes. Or laugh for 10 minutes over a dumb inside joke.
Nobody is really more interesting than the internet. But that isn’t really the point of talking to real people. I think a lot of older people have forgotten and a lot of young people never even learned this.
shmelse@reddit
Yep, my husband and I started talking bc we both know a lot of Simpsons quotes. That used to be enough to sustain a whole friendship!
Indubitalist@reddit
The fundamental issue is you can’t meet new people without engaging in small talk with strangers. How the hell do you meet people otherwise?
EpistemeUM@reddit
Meanwhile, people are lonely and wondering why they can't make friends.
RogerClyneIsAGod2@reddit
I swear that working in retail was the best thing for me. I was always a quiet kid & working retail & then being a receptionist taught me how to speak with other living human beings. I was forced to speak to people in those jobs & it made all the difference in the world for me.
S_A_R_K@reddit
I CAN talk to people I don't know. I'd really rather not though
cortesoft@reddit
Yeah, I have always really disliked small talk with strangers. I just don't usually find it interesting, and I'd prefer to stay lost in my own thoughts most of the time.
I understand and appreciate, though, that there are a lot of people who love it. I am just not one of them, and I have been thankful for every new invention that has rid me of a situation where I have to talk to strangers.
legsjohnson@reddit
there's only so many times in a day I care to rehash the weather
shewholaughslasts@reddit
Sometimes I'm having a REALLY bad day and I'm about to start crying at any moment and I really don't want to talk to strangers.
Recently, with all the fascism and kidnappings I actually feel myself getting angry at chipper people trying to tell me how happy they are.
I used to be chipper. And talkative. Now I'm just fucking angry.
Adrasteia-One@reddit
I can identify with this.
mizushimo@reddit
Might be time for an internet break, all that impotent angry isn't doing anyone any good unless you are using it as driving force for action.
CriticalChop@reddit
Well shit, it not beyond believe they were all just busy, but you were bound to miss an opportunity in there somewhere. Im sure it couldnt ruin a good memory though, you must of had something good to eat or see instead at least, i hope..
Wak3upHicks@reddit
I never talked to people unless absolutely necessary
Happy_hunny_badger@reddit
My husband can make best friends with people in the grocery line so he does it for us when we are out together. I’m a social worker and talk all day, mostly about hard things with people I don’t know. I cherish the time I don’t have to talk or engage with strangers.
Possible-Tangelo9344@reddit
My son is in high school and he's definitely got my personality for talking to people. He's super comfortable making conversation with his own demographic as well as adults. I think it'll help him in the future.
CrabbyCatLady41@reddit (OP)
Oh, absolutely. I’m a professor and I train students to be nurses. I always encourage them to show their personality and schmooze people. It’s the secret to my success!
EagleEyezzzzz@reddit
So true. My exH is a nurse and he’s very good at it, partly because he’s charming, funny, and a genuinely good guy. Definitely the kind of person you want helping you during a rough time!
Thank goodness for kind and friendly nurses, we appreciate you 🩷
mizushimo@reddit
Bless the nurses that are personable to their patients. My father had a major medical emergency and ended up in the hospital two hours away for two weeks, I was going back and forth and living out of hotels so I could be there as he went through it all. There was a world of difference between the nurses that would talk to you like a human and ones that treated you like an object that needed to be dealt with or ignored.
After_Preference_885@reddit
Mine is mid 20s and it really does make a huge difference for them to have that skill
elphaba00@reddit
My Boomer mom is a super yapper. She will say anything that comes to mind, without really any filters. She will talk to anyone around her. She doesn't really pick up on social cues that no one is really engaging with her. She just keeps going, which really embarrassed me last week because I felt like I was put on the spot. I'm more like my dad, who is super efficient in his conversation. If he doesn't feel like saying something, he just won't. I also believe that he spent most of his career as a high school teacher, so by the end of the day, oftentimes repeating the same lesson multiple times, his social battery was just gone. I also suspect he's somewhere on the spectrum so communication is not his strongest suit. It was also a sign that he'd had too much to drink when he started talking more.
My oldest is also on the spectrum. He will freely converse with his dad and me, like he's doing now while he's putting together a Lego set, but it has to be on his own terms. Earlier today, I took him to Great Clips for a quick haircut. He complained because the lady wanted to chit chat ("What's your favorite Thanksgiving foods?", and he wasn't feeling it. He wasn't rude, but he didn't really engage. I'm going to assume it was something Corporate told them to do. I gave her a nice tip on top of the final price, hoping that will soothe any hurt feelings.
Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit
My son is 22. He is a student teacher. After work he's all talked out. I noticed that although I'm an S-tier yapper, I get talked out easier.
CrabbyCatLady41@reddit (OP)
I agree with your son, I am a professor and when I teach all day, I go home and sit in blessed, sacred silence. But going 4 days without really connecting with another human was too much for me!
Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit
It can feel surreal. Like damn, this is the future?
jasonmoyer@reddit
I dunno, I talk to little kids, teenagers, young adults, etc. all the time. Not millenials or boomers so much, because they're satan's spawn sucking all the good out of the world, but I don't find young people any less chatty than I was at that age.
Tiny-Reading5982@reddit
You do know xennials are compromised of gen x and milennials right? Lol
jasonmoyer@reddit
Well obviously I'm not talking about xennial millenials. :D
Rocketsloth@reddit
I used to talk to lots of people in person before Long Covid existed, now I don't go out at all. Can't get an incurable lifelong disease by talking to me over the phone.
ChiefSampson@reddit
It's crazy how disconnected Americans are nowadays. I work in dice (craps in the casino) and even working on a verbal game the changes over the past 30 years are shocking. I recently returned to school to pursue a computer science degree and the changes in the classroom compared to when I was in highschool are stark.
lovemypennydog@reddit
I feel this so much! I know introverts love it but I miss talking to people.
fairlyaveragetrader@reddit
I think there is a split. You're aware of it because the potential not to interact with people exists where it previously did not. The people who are heavily introverted and antisocial can actually function. I'm not really sure what they did previously. I think there are still a lot of people who enjoy socializing it's just not quite as, what's a way to say it? 100% maybe as it used to be.
firehawk2324@reddit
My daughter is 9 and would rather talk to adults than her classmates.
Willing_Actuary_4198@reddit
Sounds like my ideal work trip. I don't do random filler chat. I am perfectly ok being in a room with people and not saying or hearing a single word. I talk to my wife and my friends and that's it. Almost nobody has anything to say that I actually care about
ThemanfromNumenor@reddit
For real! I once went an entire week without speaking to another person and it was fantastic.
moonbunnychan@reddit
I'm actually glad this is the norm now. I hate awkward small talk when I'm just trying to complete a task.
ThemanfromNumenor@reddit
Agreed. I hate small talk in general and couldn’t care less about anything a random person has to say about anything. Why do people feel the need to fill every moment with nonsense chatter?
CrabbyCatLady41@reddit (OP)
I think it wouldn’t be bothering me so much if I wasn’t traveling by myself. I have been on my own for 4 days, no husband, dogs, coworkers, or students. I liked navigating the convention on my own, but I missed having somebody to chat with at dinner.
moonbunnychan@reddit
That makes sense. For me there's a big difference when it's people I WANT to spend time with.
SJSsarah@reddit
impliedapathy@reddit
Speak for yourself. If I could go a whole ass day without a single word I think I could die a happy man.
Nadathug@reddit
Whenever I want to have some deep conversations with total strangers, I go to a bar.
Settlers3GGDaughter@reddit
I make eye contact and ask people questions. I’ll make small talk with strangers before diving straight into what I really want to chat about. People close to me know I don’t do small talk and to get to the point.
CrabbyCatLady41@reddit (OP)
Yes, this is what I’m saying! What a mixed bag of comments, didn’t see it coming. I’m not endorsing “small talk.” I have no desire to discuss the current weather, everybody can see if the sun is out, who cares?
On this trip, I did not get an opportunity to say, “May I have a grilled cheese, please?” or “I’m ready to check out.” I made almost zero eye contact with another human for 4 straight days. It was just weird, that’s all.
I do enjoy talking to people who want to talk to me. I do not enjoy talking to people who do not want to talk to me. I can read the room and I’ll fuck right off if the person is not vibing with me. I don’t particularly like talking about myself. I like to hear people talk about stuff they want to talk about, that’s intriguing.
Spartan04@reddit
I don’t think it’s necessarily a generational thing, there have always been people that are more chatty and those that are less. Technology has certainly does make it easier to not interact with people if you don’t want to though.
I like talking to people when there is something to talk about, but I’ve never been one that liked just talking to random strangers about whatever. I also almost always choose self checkout and things like that if they are an option, just my personal preference.
LackingUtility@reddit
It's more regional than generational. Here in New England, it's the height of rudeness to intrude with a conversation to someone who doesn't want to talk. You nod politely, and go about your day.
usernames_suck_ok@reddit
Yeah, I don't particularly want to talk to people.
fidgetypenguin123@reddit
Are you saying all those people you encountered that didn't talk were younger than you, and that's why you think it's generational?
Really I think it's about personality above anything. Personally, I've always been more quiet and shy, and while I'm certainly less as I've gotten older (which I think comes with the combination of maturity and less giving a crap what people think), I still am more of a quiet reserved person as a default, especially with strangers and people I don't know well.
It's also age generally as well. Most people during their teen years for instance, aren't real chatty. That's why the whole "moody angsty" teen thing has been said since forever. Even then there are still some teens that are more outgoing. My own teen son for instance will chat people up more than even I do now. And that still can be present in young adults as a whole. Again that can come down to personality. Sure, advanced technology has made it "easier" to interact with others less, but those that want to talk do, and those that don't, don't, no matter what factors are there.
Since the beginning of time there's been more quiet reserved people, introverts, etc. and more talkative outgoing, extroverts, etc. You seem like the latter and perhaps are frustrated when others aren't and don't match that, and that leads to you noticing it more. But I can assure you, as someone that is not the randomly chatty type, we've been in every generation.
CrabbyCatLady41@reddit (OP)
Well, the thing was, I didn’t encounter them. I stayed at a hotel for 3 nights and did not talk to a single staff member. I ate quick service meals and did not order my food from a human. My order was put on a shelf and the person called out my first name and walked away.
Not that it’s generational, but I think it’s notable that the very young among us don’t know a world where you couldn’t function without interacting with other humans, asking for what you want/need, and they don’t know the immense satisfaction of getting perks for being pleasant or charming or kind to a service worker.
And here’s the other thing— the more I advance my career, the more weird team building and personality tests I have to do. All these assessments say I’m a sensitive introvert, which I agree with. I’m not excessively social, and I need quiet time to myself to charge my social battery.
Maybe I’m weird, but I get enjoyment more from listening to people than talking. For example, by the time I stepped out of that Uber, the driver knew my first name, my hometown, and why I was in his city. I knew his name and his hometown and his personal trainer’s name and career history, plans for fitness competitions, exactly what he eats in a day and how many grams of protein and what he recommends for me to do in my workouts… etc etc etc. Then when I got out of the car, the guy seemed more energetic and was grinning from ear to ear. And I loved to see it.
Also, I used to get a lot of free shit and special treatment from being fun and cute with customer service people and I miss that.
Disastrous-Tap-3353@reddit
I feel this in my plums
MetaverseLiz@reddit
I've run into enough creepy people to learn to not talk to anyone. I also don't want people to come up to me and start talking because I just assume you're a crazy person. Again, I've had enough experiences that I'd rather avoid a potential dangerous situation.
I'm in the US and with political tensions as they are, I'd rather not chance it. Like, I grew up in the southern US, and am a queer left leaning person. I couldn't be myself so I moved to a more liberal state where there was a less of a chance that small talk could turn into someone wanting to kill me. Dramatic, I know, but imagine having to constantly gauge if it's safe to talk to someone. It's exhausting so I just don't do it, or I go into the closet and pretend. Either way, stress.
ArtisanalMoonlight@reddit
I can talk to people. I just generally prefer not to. Chit chat drains my battery.
unicorncholo@reddit
Go to a hockey game, friendliest fans ever.
CrabbyCatLady41@reddit (OP)
I love this. We have gone to Notre Dame hockey games and we went to the NHL Winter Classic one year and I always zero in on the happiest buzzed person near me!
unicorncholo@reddit
Great people, only problem is you might not make good friends bc lots of people travel. Just went to a game the weekend before last. Fam was cool as hell, and transplants like us, but lived 2.5 hrs away. Still a great time though!
Gloppydrop_@reddit
I’m a baby gen x and I’ve never felt the need to make small talk, it suffocates me and feels forced. I’ll engage if I catch a vibe and it feels natural, I won’t talk just to talk and fill the silence.
PopcornSurgeon@reddit
I had the weirdest experience at Old Navy a few months ago when the clerk checking me out did not make eye contact, did not respond at all when I said hello. I think she might have said the dollar amount on my purchase. Then she folded my clothes, but them in a bag, and handed it to me. No response when I thanked her.
EmmalouEsq@reddit
I've always been an introvert so things being a they are have actually opened up the world to me. I've worked service jobs. I've been out there, but I'm too old to put on that face all the time anymore.
Ok-Moment2223@reddit
I spend all. day. long. doing it at work. How was your [weekend/holiday/vacation]? What are your plans for [the weekend/holiday/vacation]? The weather is [so hot/freezing/beautiful] Happy [insert weekday here]. How are your [kids/pets/parents] and so on
I just don't have the energy to do this over a dozen times every single day.
I am happy to have a real conversation, share snark, even briefly complain about how loud it is. That's it so stop forcing everyone to be an extrovert. Some of us want to be quiet.
lythy2016@reddit
It took me 30+ years to realise that people actually get enjoyment/fulfilment from talking to people they don’t know, the idea of it terrorises me. I make myself say “good morning” to the strangers I see every morning at the same time, but if they stopped me and asked me how I am or such, I’d run a mile.
cortesoft@reddit
It has never terrorized me, but I have always disliked it. Mostly because people say such inane and stupid things, and I don't want to disagree with whatever stupid thing they said but I also don't want to have to pretend I agree with it, either. I usually just smile and nod.
Shangri-lulu@reddit
My 8 year old does a great job talking to people. He is appropriate, sweet, and funny. My 4 year old is still a bit unformed but headed in the same direction. There’s hope!
ALadysImagination@reddit
It makes me sad too because everyone is glued to their phones in all these public places where we used to make small talk (or at least eye contact) while sharing the common experience of waiting (bus stops, lines at stores, waiting rooms at doctors offices, breaks during work / conferences)… now when I try to engage, there’s usually no one to engage with, since everyone is on their phone…
cortesoft@reddit
Before I had a phone, I had to work really hard to make sure I appeared unavailable to talk to in order to avoid strangers trying to make conversation with me. Now I just have to look at my phone!
CrabbyCatLady41@reddit (OP)
And I always make an ass out of myself when something kind of funny happens, like a little kid acting up or if some old guy rips a fart. I look around to see if anybody else saw it, and try to share a laugh. And I get nothing. Crickets.
MaxMcLarenTBSL@reddit
I'm of the type who would be perfectly happy to be alone in the woods for a week with no human contact. Making small talk is just awkward because I don't have any clue how to extract myself from a conversation that I don't want to be in, or I overcompensate for my awkwardness by oversharing and making myself look like an idiot.
DrMcJedi@reddit
Man - I’m an NP and it seems like we’re the last profession left that still talks to people as part of our regular day. Getting nursing students to talk to patients (or even me) is like pulling teeth some days…
Turd_fergu50n@reddit
I try my hardest not to speak to anyone.
ConundrumMachine@reddit
This is at least partly due to the alienation endemic to capitalism and the commodification of social interactions. People's brains are breaking under late stage capitalism and that's by design.
godlovesa@reddit
I think it depends where you live more than your age. I live in Texas and am In Louisiana for a weekend away. Talked to lots of people on this trip and do at home too
yellow_pomelo_jello@reddit
The last time I worked as a nurse was twenty years ago, and I’ve recently been working some hours in a hospital. I am shocked by how much less everyone talks to each other now. Everyone is on their phones in the break room during lunch, residents don’t come talk to the nurses at all to tell them what orders they’re putting in, they just put them in the computer and leave. I have yet to hear anyone strike up a casual conversation with a patient. All conversations with the doctors are short messages on the computer…I’m really dismayed by it all.
cubanito_nj@reddit
You’re not living up to your handle! A crabby cat lady only wants to talk to her cats lol.
I feel like millennials are still chatty. Even the oldest zoomers. My 26 yo nephew is chatty with strangers as are most of his friends butttt I also think it’s because he was a HS & college athlete so even with the HS kids nowadays, the athletes are more social bc they’re not always stuck behind a screen.
My 21 yo niece is not chatty at all. She and her friends never initiate conversation. She’s in nursing school so hopefully when she finishes and begins working, she will develop better social skills.
CrabbyCatLady41@reddit (OP)
Reddit gave it to me years ago and I just kept it! I am crabby and I have cats. But I contain multitudes… of conversation topics for chatting up complete strangers.
katie_cat_eyes@reddit
We can be friends!
Tiny-Reading5982@reddit
My 10yo likes talking to everyone so idk. She definitely got that from me because I will talk to anyone lol.
shinysquirrel220701@reddit
I think we might be. I don’t mind chatting with people. When we go out for dinner,husband and I usually sit at the bar and shoot the shit with the bartender or other patrons. But…he’s an extrovert and I bartended through college, so bar bs comes naturally.
gravityhomer@reddit
This is where the genZ stare comes from. They literally don't know what to say because they just don't have the practice.
MutantLeader@reddit
I think Covid made it socially acceptable, and combined with the increased social media use it was the nail in the communication coffin.
kerowhack@reddit
So I was browsing at a book store to kill a few minutes before meeting someone for lunch, and this dude just came up and started talking to me. He was very pleasant and seemed to just be making conversation, but I've become so cynical that it totally wrong footed me. And then I realized, this is what we used to do. Before phones, and having constant ongoing text conversations with 30 people and checking emails and having a podcast on 2x speed in our earbuds, we used to just chat with people, maybe over a common magazine choice. And you might find out something interesting, or get a tip on a band playing or a cool restaurant, or you might even make a new friend.
So I'm not sure if I'm going to really talk to people, as I was never quite that type, but I'm going to at least give it a chance next time. And if I end up in a tub full of ice minus a couple of kidneys, the joke is on them anyway because I'm pretty sure they're out of warranty.
VicMackeyLKN@reddit
We’re mid 40s and try to talk to the least amount of people everywhere, absolutely love self check out
Abidarthegreat@reddit
I don't need random strangers making inane comments about the weather. Yes, I feel it too. No, I don't care about your opinion on it. It serves no purpose but to hold me up. I'm glad you have nothing to do, but I have shit to get done.
call-lee-free@reddit
It seems like it. Early to mid 2000s, any person I came across with at a store or out in public in general, I would either nod or say whats up and usually get a reply. I wanna say the last 8 years it seems that people either don't acknowledge or give me the "why are you talking to me" face. Nowadays, I just keep to myself. I don't want somebody thinking I'm beefing with them by simply saying "hi."
ohwowimonredditcool@reddit
i talk way less than most young people i work with. after 42 years i’ve learned to just keep my mouth shut. it is largely a personality trait but i’ve had more than enough experiences in life to talk less but always be willing to help.
myrdraal2001@reddit
Gods I really hope not! I'm an introvert but even I actually talk with people when I'm out and about. Even younger adults have gotten so much more socially awkward since the "Panni" a few years ago and it is actually getting worse.
GorillaMonsoonGirl@reddit
I just moved into a new condo, without once talking to or meeting another person. It was a schedule your own tour, and do everything for deposits and what not online. I don’t even know the name of the owner of my condo. A management company does everything online. It’s just so weird.
BugEquivalents@reddit
It really depends on my mood, sometimes I don’t mind chit chatting but most times I do not want to be bothered.