ULPT Request: Hire myself as a contractor?

Stop me if you've heard this one before: my large (6,000+) company keeps cutting people, which adds more work to my plate. I've asked for a raise to deal with all the extra work and have instead been offered the option to hire a contractor, which I don't need or want. How can I go about hiring myself as a contractor? Has anyone successfully done this? I believe my company does at least a bit of due diligence before getting contractors set up in our payment system, so I'd need to make sure I don't get flagged. The other option is to hire myself from Fiverr or a similar service out of pocket and submit the receipts to accounting for re-imbursement, but it'd be a lot easier to just pay a fake contractor a monthly retainer. Any ideas? Thanks in advance!