ULPT How do I stop people trying to open my car at night?

Posted by qwertyson96@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 36 comments

Someone keeps trying to open my car doors and the boot (Trunk) at night. Its happened a few times over the past few months and I'm sick of it and I'm starting to feel unsafe where I live. How can I fuck with these dirty low life's up as much as possible? Best suggestions will be done.

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Skeggy-@reddit

Put a camera up. Identity and handle it.

Extra points if you watch the camera feed and hit the panic button to jump scare. Then unload the paintball gun fills with frozen piss balls.

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potatopierogie@reddit

Piss is stored in the balls...🤔

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derekthetech@reddit

No. That would be the bladder.

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Skeggy-@reddit

Frozen balls of piss.

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qwertyson96@reddit (OP)

Frozen piss balls would be great

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da_phunke@reddit

My new band name

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itaniumonline@reddit

I can play the violin

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da_phunke@reddit

You’re in

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OldSchoolPrepper@reddit

what does one do with the balls of frozen piss?

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ResolveResident118@reddit

You have people regularly coming and trying to open your car which is presumably outside your house and you want to piss them off.

As long as they're not causing any damage, leave them be. Who knows what they'd do when annoyed.

Alternatively, hide in the bushes and wait for them to fuck with your car then follow them home and put a piss disc though their letterbox. Just don't wait too long or the disc will melt in your pocket.

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qwertyson96@reddit (OP)

They broke into my car causing damage. Even if they weren't causing damage, they were trying to get into my car. Read the post again and dont be a dipshit.

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Miserable_Walrus_275@reddit

That's fine, you piss off the people who know where you live. I'm sure that will make you feel much safer.

It's almost like a form of self harm.

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Lazy_Helicopter_2659@reddit

Is it street side parking?
If so, do you have someone with an identical car living nearby?
They might just be mistaken quite often (I know my wife would to this for months if not years on end before learning the difference!)

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Superman101011@reddit

If the handle is a recessed hole, you can fill it with dark axle grease. This was a prank we used to pull all the time that's easy on the prankster and nasty for the prankee. If you want to escalate, you can bury a few razor blades inside the grease 😮 If they always walk in the same way, you can lay out some feces. Dog is beginner level, human is expert 😁 Or dig a hole and cover with colour match tissue paper. You know to step around it. They don't. What you put in the hole is up to you. To make a lasting impression, you can put a smaller rock or wooden wall in the center of the hole to ensure they sprain their ankle. Honestly, there are a lot of things you could do. It just depends on your level of commitment and desire to leave a lasting impression

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Puceeffoc@reddit

Bro how do I come off a 3 day ban with a less violent comment? I must be hated.

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greywar777@reddit

I caught a ban from a post here, appealed it, and was returned after 1 day instead of 3 with the ban repealed. Its worth asking for it just so it doesn't show on your account I suspect.

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Puceeffoc@reddit

I didn't even bother. Next ban I'm deleting my account.

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OldSchoolPrepper@reddit

'lasting impression' i am going to steal that phrase. I love it!

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qwertyson96@reddit (OP)

I don't think the handle is a recessed hole, how would I know sorry?

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_BreadMakesYouFat@reddit

Can you fit your fingers under the handle to open it?

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Responsible-Cow5828@reddit

We used to wipe people shit under the door handles. Though it would never be for my own car.

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stabbingrabbit@reddit

We used pancake syrup instead of the grease. Vaseline is also a cheap option,, and throw a condom with a squirt of hand lotion on the handle

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realDespond@reddit

get a paintball gun and some of those pepper balls

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qwertyson96@reddit (OP)

Great idea tbh

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taylormac970@reddit

I believe a pepper ball gun is a different thing than a paintball gun. They may sell pepper balls for a paintball gun, but just make sure you check the diameter of ammunition before purchase.

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Hot-Win2571@reddit

Put axle grease or anti-seize on the door handles of the neighbors.
So they're retaliate on the neighbor's cars, and skip your car while fleeing the neighbor.

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LowNefariousness6541@reddit

Electrify the handles, very high voltage.

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Humble_Ladder@reddit

If they grow in your area, find some stinging nettles (plant that burns and gives you a rash if you touch it with your bare hands) tear up a fresh bit of branch and jam it where they'll touch it if they try the handles. Just don't one handle so there's plausibility to your claim that it must have somehow randomly gotten wedged in there.

It doesn't cause any lasting harm, so it'll have a low likelihood that anyone could press any sort of charge against you compared to some of the usual suggestions like razor blades.

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Kathucka@reddit

The car is a large metal object mounted on non-conductive rubber tyres. Van De Graff generators exist. Come to think of it, so do stun guns and Tesla coils.

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Dasrule@reddit

Motion activated “deterrent” that gives them a face full of “flour” if they open your trunk.

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ChillandSurf@reddit

Run an extension cord from your house to the bumper or chassis of your car and electrify it overnight. Put a fuse in the line or use a trip box at the plug if you like. The car is insulated by it's four rubber tyres and anyone touching it earths the car and gets a shock. Seen this work on a petrol thief and scored two free gas cans.

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qwertyson96@reddit (OP)

I've got a ring doorbell that caught them but not their face unfortunately.