ULPT - How to deter car/house break-in’s?

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Skeggy-@reddit

Make the cameras obvious.

Add motion spotlight.

Dog.

Sign that says dog, cameras, pew pew.

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Fearless-Cookie-9902@reddit (OP)

I have one camera and motion light pointed to the driveway and one at my front door. That did not help. Maybe more cameras and lights?

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Skeggy-@reddit

Slap a local security vendors sign in a visible spot too.

Like ADT has ones that say “this home is protected by ADT security”. Amazon sells them

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Mr_Fried@reddit

Except plot twist, put up the wrong sign eg if you have ADT put up big protected by Arlo signs so they get caught trying to disable the wrong system.

On that, make sure your security cameras are hardwired so a signal jammer can’t take them out and everything is on UPS - one of the first things guys robbing you will do after casing the place is turn off the power and try to kill your comms.

I have all my networking, security gear and select lights around the house on UPS - mainly just some little Cyberpower 1200va UPS’s I got cheap.

The second plot twist is there is a second hardwired camera system, maybe even just cheap trailcams in trees around the house, so if they think they got you, they really don’t.

Get some really bright floodlights and have it set up so one button turns EVERYTHING on. I use Home Assistant and every light in my house is Philips Hue, LIFX or Ikea Tradfri and controlled by motion sensors, timers and override wireless zigbee switches (mainly ikea Rodret’s).

Essentially this means one button press or other trigger action and my house is bloody lit up.

I have my cameras set so if the house is empty (none of our devices are home) and the security is armed, a detection of a person inside outside turns all the lights on 100% brightness. A person detected inside makes every light flash red really fast at 100% brightness, sirens go off on every camera inside and out.

Basically in my suburb only a blind idiot would be unaware something untoward was happening.

VERY IMPORTANT: How is this unethical?

I can collect enough evidence to find out who the person is, go case their house and in the middle of the night, break in, slide little frozen piss discs under their bedroom door so it wrecks their little race car bed, then in a show of power, have sex with their dad.

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Key-Candle8141@reddit

How do you defend against thiefs with a EMP?

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Mr_Fried@reddit

They may have a signal jammer that will typically block 2.4ghz and 5ghz.

It’s unlikely they will have one that does all mobile frequencies as its quite a lot and people who think they can make money stealing your VCR are not the smartest people in the world.

I think the only EMP that could take out a whole house is a nuclear bomb. Doubt Kevin with the missing teeth and a meth habit knows much about those.

Either way, thats why you need at least some hardwired cameras and backup trail cams outside.

Then you can track them down, dose them up like in Dexter and make them drink liquid ass.

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Key-Candle8141@reddit

Have you considered a moat with punji sticks?

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_dead_and_broken@reddit

I feel like I got shittymorphed but without mankind throwing the undertaker off hell in a cell 16 feet into the announcer's table.

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Tranquil_Dohrnii@reddit

Even if you dont get home security, literally just their sign is usually an extra deterrent

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Subject-Pen-3393@reddit

Add a speaker in the window so when the light comes on it plays audio of “Babe grab my rifle and (cocking of a gun)sounds”

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Shell-Fire@reddit

Or... you could play: Do you feel lucky, punk?

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the1999person@reddit

Can you change the bulbs? If you can go to Lowes and get the 300 watt equivalent led floodlight bulbs. The brightest you can find.

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Fickle_Fishing3954@reddit

More cameras and lights will help the cause, yes

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FarmerFrance@reddit

Don't mention guns. That actually has the opposite effect as people will wait till you're gone and break in with the soul intention of finding and stealing your guns. Also if guns need to be involved, the element of surprise is better in your hands..

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tgkspike@reddit

Definitely matchbox cars on the floor , maybe a blow torch by the door , swinging paint cans. These are all original ideas…

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MIBJO@reddit

That would be a great plot for a movie.

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Ok-Bit4971@reddit

Blow torch and pliers, for some hard-hiittin' .....

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HiramNinja@reddit

...pipe-hittin'...

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Ok-Bit4971@reddit

Ah, thank you for the correction. I can't believe I screwed that up. So many memorable scenes and lines in that movie.

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HiramNinja@reddit

...there is a lot of culture to keep in memory.

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Ok_Muffin_925@reddit

It's not unethical to deter crime. So coming up with unethical ways is kind of hard. For out of the box ideas, maybe buy an old cop cruiser form auction and make it look like an unmarked car and park it in the driveway or in front.

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MattDubh@reddit

Previous thieves heads on spikes in the garden.

There's numerous videos about the traps the VC used, that are inspiring.

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ryanbbb@reddit

He said he has a HOA. This would violate rule 417 section C.

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GumpTheChump@reddit

"Those punji sticks are WAY too long, fella. We're going to have to fine you."

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MattDubh@reddit

There's probably rules around being a pilfering shitbag too.

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Tranquil_Dohrnii@reddit

Yeah, there is, its required to be on the board.

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JeffreyinKodiak@reddit

This has me chuckling at 0502.
Why am I reading Reddit at 0502

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mrfuzzyshorts@reddit

just put santa hats on them and say they are part of the holiday decore

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PhilMeUpBaby@reddit

Trip wires.

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ki4clz@reddit

swabbing door handles with DMSO mixed with LSD…

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FewEstablishment3450@reddit

Spread caltrops outside your windows and rig your car with a remote that locks the car doors and dispenses chloroform. MAKE SURE THE CHLOROFORM SEAL IS SECURE

You do not want to be driving in a car with a leaky chloroform seal

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Studio_T3@reddit

I've got one of those motion activated sprinklers set up to greet them. Probably not ULPT though. Since it's green it blends in with my shrub. Outta site....outta mind.

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Clavius78@reddit

I just heard of a guy that stitched all kinds of rubbish, like plastic wrappers, soda cans, plastic bags to a net. That he can then spread over his back seat, so the inside of his car looks like a garbage heap. When he uses it he can just take it in one go and store it in the back.

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Fun_Possibility_4566@reddit

i leave all this shit unlockdd if i am not inside it

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Divazio@reddit

Marine Corp Flag or Sticker

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Top_Steak3763@reddit

If you are living across from a law enforcement officer who keeps his cruiser in plain sight, you have cameras, motion activated lighting, and dogs, and you are still dealing with larceny, relocation might honestly be the most rational long term fix. At that point the only meaningful interventions left are physical hardening measures such as reinforced door frames with three or four inch strike screws, security rated deadbolts, laminated or polycarbonate window films, anti lift bars for sliding doors, and secondary locking devices. You can also add perimeter deterrents like solar motion floodlights, gravel beds along fence lines for audible intrusion, and gate alarms. If none of that stabilizes the situation the environment itself is the problem and not your security plan.

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Lonely-War7372@reddit

Get something that burns and put it in the door handles - they'll leave it alone. Put dog shit on the handles then hose it off on the morning.

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Fickle_Fishing3954@reddit

Flash grenades

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Goodlucklol_TC@reddit

Get really comfortable with spiders. Get a huntsman spider, keep one as a pet in both your car and your home.

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Crazy-Algae-Stealer@reddit

A place I worked at was broken into like 5 times in one month and we just went out and collected a bunch of poison oak and planted it under every window.

It worked but at what cost ¯_(ツ)_/¯

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Salty-Ambition9733@reddit

Motion detector lawn sprinklers

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maceilean@reddit

Also good for deterring solar salesmen.

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Ok-Bit4971@reddit

Those people are annoying

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Real_Sartre@reddit

Walls made of feces

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Xtay1@reddit

Huge outside dog dish labeled "Tiny" next to a pair of worn out combat boots.

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Mr_Gaslight@reddit

For the house: Dog or at least the largest dog house you can find with a massive chain, motion detector lights (add a weird kazoo recording for funny effect), very visible video cameras (fake ones also help) with 'Smile, You’re on Candid Camera' signs, thorny rose bushes at the windows, noisy gravel walkways.

For the car: Add a motion detector light on the garage to light up the car; leave nothing inside except the largest dog leash you can find, do NOT keep your key fobs near the door, drive standard.

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f1ve-Star@reddit

Having actually lived in a bad neighborhood there is only one way. It's not unethical. It's to give up. Take everything out of value. Keep the doors unlocked. The worst part of any car break in is getting the glass replaced and realizing your deductible is too high.

If your car is too nice? MOVE someplace better.

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Lonely-War7372@reddit

This is the way.

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ph0xer@reddit

I had use to own a Gwagon Mercedes. I lived downtown of a shitty city and decided to just keep my doors unlocked so I wouldn’t have my windows broken.

They still broke my windows lol.

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f1ve-Star@reddit

Damn that's rough

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longdistancepew@reddit

Sublethal Remote Gun Now Instock - ArmsCor USA

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RunDre22@reddit

A strategically placed realistic looking snake.

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DrPapadopoulos@reddit

Pirbulls.

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Fearless-Cookie-9902@reddit (OP)

I have 2 large, loud dogs already. The problem is that they sleep in my room in the back of the house. These thieves are really quiet in the front.

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JustForkIt1111one@reddit

How are they getting in?

Could you add cheap window/door alarms or chimes?

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CrudBert@reddit

Put one dog up front, one in the back. Put a couple outside in a fenced in area around the home. German shepherds LOVE it when they get middle of the night visitors!!!

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Skeggy-@reddit

Put dog beds in the living room.

This is like having a pew pew but it’s locked up in a safe.

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tm8183874@reddit

Pirbulls would scare me away.

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fingers@reddit

Bait car with poison ivy on the coins in the ashtray.

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horror-pickle187@reddit

Motion activated floodlights Fake camera in obvious spots (I say fake so they dont sabotage real ones) Dog.

Finally a shotgun so you can "rack a round"
Anything beyond that you better be ready to use said shotgun.

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nevernotfinished@reddit

Have a couple of beware of dog signs when they don't see the dog they'll worry more.

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Norb18@reddit

Breed a colony of orb web spiders, put them to work . HH eggs everyone knows burglars

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Upbeat_Rock3503@reddit

2nd amendment sign next to an #811 sign.

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stabbingrabbit@reddit

Tape razor blades to the car handles. Get those fireworks with two strings that pop when you pull them and place in door of car face high. Just dont forget about them

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jdsquint@reddit

Unfortunately these are illegal. If you're in the US you'd be paying the thieves medical bills and possibly even doing time. And they'd get off free

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drezdogge@reddit

Cobras

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Dereksversion@reddit

Grass chest high. Dog tied to a chain and on old motor hanging from a tree. Buddy thats a house where a gun lives, and if you want to find out what kind just crawl in the window after dark

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JanieLFB@reddit

Place extra large, old work boots beside an exterior door. This implies you have a friend that is extra large that visits frequently enough to leave their boots by the door.

Probably an old beat up hard hat on your backseat of your car could work.

Now onto the advice I give…

I told my uncle years ago to borrow a snake or a spider, get his Polaroid camera, and a fresh pack of film. (Getting an idea of how long ago this was?)

Have animal wrangler friend to pose the animal all over the house. Snake in the bathtub. Snake on the bed. Snake on the dining table. Post Polaroids in windows. Post a sign on the front door: FREDDIE ROAMS AT NIGHT.

Uncle responded, “Your Granny (his mother) would never step inside here again!”

I asked, “And this would be bad… how exactly?”

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JanieLFB@reddit

Wasn’t it Miami Vice that one of the characters lived on his boat with his pet alligator?

My father had a coworker that limped in one day. “What happened to you?”

“I stepped on Elvis and he bit me.”

“Well that’s what you get for stepping on your poor dog!”

“Elvis is my pet alligator.”

Then coworker’s brother walks up and confirms what Elvis is. Brother adds, “His is the only trailer in that trailer park that has NEVER been broken into!”

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Ok-Bit4971@reddit

Wasn’t it Miami Vice that one of the characters lived on his boat with his pet alligator?

Yes, Sonny Crockett, played by Don Johnson (Gen Xer here).

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Ok-Bit4971@reddit

Sonny Crockett

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smily_meow@reddit

Tomcat snap trap right in front of the gas pedal, but hide it well.

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WutzTehPoint@reddit

Move. Quit being paranoid. Build a bunker in your yard to stall all of your good shit in.

My dipshit lab/basset hound mix sounds off if anyone drives down our street, from the back of our house. We don't lock the doors or cars. Nobody's coming for our shit, and if they wanted it, they probably needed it enough to take the risk.

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flowbee92@reddit

Large man sized glue traps. Many.

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Karamist623@reddit

Dog.

We had a guy climbing on our roof to clean our gutters. HOA never notified us. The dog scared the crap out of him.

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panentheist13@reddit

Motion sensor sprinklers hooked up to gasoline reservoir. Trip wires hooked to lighters. Burn the whole bitch down!!! No car or house, nothing to steal. Problem solved.

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MattDubh@reddit

Can you get hold of CS gas tablets? One of those in the 'on' cigarette lighter will have them gasping within a minute of hotwiring it

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VixenTraffic@reddit

With the HOA your options are limited, but you might get away with some signage, as long as your hoa permits it.

My neighborhood is not great, so we installed motion sensor lights and security cameras on all sides of the house and the driveway.

We also have signs in every window, the front window contains a copy of our alarm permit.

Other windows have different signs that I made myself and printed out after doing research online about what signs work best.

In ten years we have had one attempted break in. He wasn’t after anything, just mentally ill.

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fun_crush@reddit

Put an electric bbq starter on the door handle so when they touch it it burns their hand. Rig a blowtorch to go off when they try to open the back door so it burns their head. Rig a paint can to fall from the second floor so when they open the door it hits them right in the head.