How do you feel in your 40s, 50s and older after you and your spouse decided to not have kids?
Posted by nonmagnon@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 410 comments
notarealgrownup@reddit
Wondering how we are still broke.
CaptGood@reddit
Yuuuup, I couldn't even imagine making it work with kids at this point. Barely hanging on as it is...
Myfourcats1@reddit
They’d have to be latchkey kids
EsotericAbstractIdea@reddit
That's the secret sauce. I didn't have my first kid until 30. I've never been truly motivated to succeed before having my first kid. It makes you take and keep jobs you don't like or even believe in just so they can have enough or more than you did. All those people who seem driven even at jobs you hate all either have kids or want kids.
YEMolly@reddit
I knoowwww. I’m not broke, but I would absolutely be struggling if I had even one kid. I don’t know how people afford 2 and 3 children. 😳
Myfourcats1@reddit
I just sat here at work listening to a coworker complain about her kids, her family’s kids, the neighbor kids etc etc. It sounded exhausting. Kids breaking toys and wanting new ones. Kids touching her stuff when they’re guests. My friend is dealing with a 13 year old girl at the moment. I remember being a 13 year old girl. No thanks. I also look at the state of this country and I feel relieved that I don’t have kids that will have to navigate this mess.
cmh_ender@reddit
our best friends have never wanted kids, will never have kids and they are living the dream. going to concerts mid week, drop everything to catch a flight someplace cool.
we loan our kids to them when they want to do "kids things" and it's win win. I don't see them regretting it.
Efficient-Log-4425@reddit
I'm kind of the opposite. My wife and I married knowing we didn't want kids. Moved to Florida, did whatever we wanted. After about 10 years we both, independently, started wanting kids. Now we have a 7 and a 10 year old and honestly, no regrets either way. Raising my kids and watching them grow up is a lot of fun and very fulfilling. Wouldn't change a thing.
Competitive-Local324@reddit
Relieved, we're way too selfish to deal with kids, plus we don't have sufficient funds for our own existence
Starboard_Pete@reddit
From a woman’s perspective, it’s wild to see the inquiries finally die down and acceptance of the situation becoming the standard. I didn’t realize just how much we were barraged at every family event, every wedding, some friends events, with THE questions. “When are you two having kids?” “Don’t you think you should get started now so you can have another?” “We want one asap, we should coordinate so they can grow up together!!” “You’d make such great parents!” “We NEED grandkids from you.”
Crickets now! It’s such a relief to not have to anticipate this topic, try to skirt around it, maneuver with “maybes.” It was fucking relentless. And no, we absolutely don’t feel a profound sense of sadness in our lives that only a baby could fulfill. lol, lmao even, on that.
justbecoolguys@reddit
Man, I wish this was true for my parents. Them: “we think you need a baby. Me: “I cannot have children. I am also 45.” Them: “You could adopt!” It is a big part of why I went low contact 10 years ago. I realized I dreaded seeing them because I knew I’d be hounded about giving them more grandkids. So, note to any potential grandparents out there. Don’t do this. It won’t get you grandkids and risks losing your actual children who actually exist.
shohei_heights@reddit
Oh man, my wife’s mother was the worst for this. Kept bothering her through her 20s and 30s. Then when we did finally have a kid, her parents decided to move to Brazil to retire instead of being grandparents.
Twirlmom9504_@reddit
What generation are her parents?
justbecoolguys@reddit
Wow. This tracks though. I think my parents care more about being able to say they’re grandparents than doing any actual grandparenting.
frazzledcats@reddit
My boomer mom is just like this - only here for the Facebook posts
wanna_be_green8@reddit
It's all for the meta.
Forsaken_Instance_18@reddit
Despite that, you regret having your kids?
shohei_heights@reddit
Love my kid and don’t regret having her. I do very much regret the world we’ve brought her into though.
Starboard_Pete@reddit
We thought we were being smart at one point telling them we were infertile. Just make the bombshell news (that didn’t bother us) public.
That just opened up a whole new round of “you know there’s always adoption! We can help you with that!”
justbecoolguys@reddit
Same thing happened to us. It’s when I realized how selfish and cruel they could be. So now I feel good about both not having kids and not talking to my parents more than twice a year. Win-win!
Starboard_Pete@reddit
Not enough people advocate for self-care. Part of self-care, I think, is setting boundaries with others early on to buy yourself the peace you need in your life to be happy. Good for you for listening to your own needs and doing what it takes to build the life you want.
justbecoolguys@reddit
Totally. I appreciate this comment!
ghostsintherafters@reddit
I have a profound sense of happiness that I didn't bring a child that I love into this shit storm that is ahead. We didn't have kids because society has crumbled before our very eyes.
InterestingTry5190@reddit
I do as well. I have enough questions about what the world will look like for the remainder of my life couldn’t imagine the added stress of raising a child in this mess. It is nice now that I’m in my 40’s I’ve stopped getting the ‘when are you having kids’ or being told ‘you’ll change your mind’. Although, now I have people who have decided I have regret when they see me with my friend’s kids b/c I seem so happy. I’m happy b/c I see them for a few hours and go home to my CF life.
fluffychonkycat@reddit
Kids that you can return when you've had enough of them are the best kind
echochilde@reddit
I never wanted kids, and this is my number one reason. My best friend, who’s a year older than me, just had her first and she’s struggling with the same feelings. I regret nothing. (Not a dig on her at all, just saying I’m solid in my choice)
Starboard_Pete@reddit
I watched all of my friends with kids struggle so much with “the village” (aka everyone pestering them about kids) vanishing as soon as babies entered the picture. No help whatsoever. No offers to help. If anything, the “grands” occasionally babysitting and screwing things up because their oversight is so hands-off, it’s borderline neglectful or dangerous…
echochilde@reddit
Yup. She’s struggling with exactly that. They live two houses down from the in-laws, but can’t trust them or rely on them. The boomer grandparents are such a departure. My parents used my grandparents as secondaries all the time.
Starboard_Pete@reddit
I recall being bounced around to literally anybody as a kid. Neighbors, cousins, aunts, grandparents, distant relatives would all watch me for hours at a time. My husband was sent to Florida every summer to essentially live with his aunt/uncle and cousins for at least a month.
Bring this up with the parents now in front of our siblings with kids, and they straight up gaslight us and tell us it wasn’t like that or it didn’t happen, because they are so allergic to babysitting. They’re more than happy to armchair it and criticize our siblings’ parenting styles, though.
frazzledcats@reddit
Yeah, they are very critical of any whiff of free range parenting in the younger generation, but they literally had no idea nor did they care, what we were doing or where we were, for years at a time as kids
frazzledcats@reddit
They are truly awful grandparents overall. I miss my grandparents so much.
My childless siblings are my village though (and I’m theirs)
Overall_Side_7159@reddit
We survived pogroms, WW2, potential nuclear holocaust and you think now society has crumbled. This is the best time to be a human in history.
RedSolez@reddit
Ironically, I feel like my children are my refuge from the shit storm. No matter how bad it is out there, they are still going to ask me what's for dinner and can I get a ride to wherever. Parenting gives me a distraction. It's forced me to realize I can't save the world by myself.... everything is ultimately a leap of faith mixed with discipline.
BeenisHat@reddit
from the other side of that fence, I'm genuinely concerned for the life my kids are going to be faced with, My son is in his freshman year of high school and I'm worried about him, My daughter will be 10 next month.
Both kids have had to endure adversity already because of the financial situation forced on us. Sure seems like we're in another recession already and several states already are, so that will be two recessions for them before they're even adults.
OkBiscotti1140@reddit
Same. I had a kid when things were still okay-ish. I’m terrified for her future. Yes, I understand we grew up under the constant threat of nuclear war ending us all but the crumbling of entire ecosystems seems more dire to me.
jturtle1701@reddit
That's exactly how I feel. And every year, the world seems to get worse and I feel validated in my decision.
No-Relation4226@reddit
We had one sooner than anticipated, but everyone kept asking when we’d have another. As though it was wrong to have just one. Only two extended family members immediately backed off when I said I thought we would be done, others implied that my husband and I weren’t having any sex to produce another baby. It was nice to not have to listen to that bullshit once I got to be nearly 40 (the pandemic also helped with that).
LacyKnits@reddit
Even strangers were so pushy and nosey. People I'd just met would ask "do you have kids?" Followed up by "oh, when are you going to have your first?" Or even worse "why not?"
I got sick of saying "it's not our plan" or "that opportunity has already passed." (I still looked young-ish at 40.) I swore up and down the next time someone asked about kids I was going to start SOBBING. Loudly. Causing the biggest scene I could, so maybe that idiot would finally be embarrassed enough to stop harassing women about their wombs (and sex lives). My husband ran a bit more interference with the idiots after that to keep me from the theatrics.
I never wanted children, but I have so many women in my life who struggled to conceive or had pregnancy losses, the questions always made me angry.
Now I have enough gray hair that people look at me with pity when I say I don't have children. But at least they generally don't ask "was that by choice?"
frazzledcats@reddit
Is it bad to ask people if they have kids? I do usually do that, but if they say no I go immediately to - do you have cats or dogs 😂 just making small talk
LacyKnits@reddit
It's a standard question from coworkers or someone at a group class or church or something. When I'm meeting a person I expect to interact with again it's a normal question.
When the lady on the barstool next to me decides to interrupt my date night with my husband to ask about kids, that's weird.
It's more the follow up that always annoyed me, not the initial small talk (barring the random interjection from a total stranger.)
jkos123@reddit
We got this just yesterday (age 44 & 45), along with a “well, it’s not too late!”. It’s sad because we wanted kids, but couldn’t have them. Only a couple more years until 50, I assume it will stop by then.
LacyKnits@reddit
Oh, yes. "It's not too late" right up there with "you'll change your mind."
What is wrong with people!
frazzledcats@reddit
I’m so sorry - that’s wild to me. 2 of my 3 siblings didn’t have kids and I think I maybe asked them once about it without them prompting the discussion.
Did ask my sister to be the “in case we die” stand in parent lol - never once thought of my in laws who have their own kids for this. Childless adults in my life are the best aunts/uncles and way more engaged in family
hey_nonny_mooses@reddit
And as soon as you have 1 kid the questions pivot to when are you giving them a sibling. I was actually told “Don’t worry the next will be easier” as I was still in the hospital having life-threatening complications from kid #1. Super happy with having a kid and super happy to be in my 40s and finally not getting constant bs about having another.
orcas_cyclist@reddit
I'm sorry you had to deal with that bullshit.
wanna_be_green8@reddit
Ugh. I just realized I regularly tell my 20yo boy he needs to pair up and procreate, he's got both his families best genes. While he is young and hasn't settled a "plan" so it's all good fun I'm going to make an effort to knock it off.
Thank you for creating awareness, I'm sure that became more than obnoxious pretty quickly.
moxvoxfox@reddit
Way to go you! I applaud this response.
Potential-Yoghurt245@reddit
When I got engaged my wife's in laws were relentless from the second the ring was on the finger, we had three which I do not regret but during the pandemic my mood shifted and I didn't want any more so I got a vasectomy.
My wife says I cut her off but at 41 the risks for defects both mental and physical were too great to risk.
BasvanS@reddit
I never ask. Either it’s a choice or it’s not possible. Making kids isn’t rocket surgery. And when it is, expecting them to just pop out seems insensitive. If desired, it’s usually not for lack of trying
Dimeskis@reddit
From a man’s perspective…I’m in my forties and my mom still brings asks if I’ll have ANOTHER child!!! Like, already I successfully raised a child to adulthood(ish, he’s still in college) that she adores.
Do you ever think you’ll adopt? You know your partner is still you enough to conceive are you sure she doesn’t want a child? Etc…
I finally told her a few years ago that if I have another child, I’d live my twilight years in poverty, I still don’t think she understands.
Starboard_Pete@reddit
Omg. I cannot imagine getting a kid to adulthood and then starting the process all over again. Nope nope nope
After_Match_5165@reddit
The crickets have been the best sound I've heard in decades, with the exception of my ex-husband saying "I'm moving out".
Easy-Tomatillo8@reddit
As dark as it is I think even the most obnoxious people just start assuming you can’t and aren’t THAT rude. So even the “isn’t that self types” or whatever fall out of the mix.
Character_Heart_3749@reddit
I'm so happy for the crickets now..it's about time everyone leave me tf alone lol
Starboard_Pete@reddit
I love peace and quiet so much! High five!
GenericDave65@reddit
I think I’ve been real lucky on this because one side of my family is so big that there really is no pressure to have kids. We’re not running out of cousins or grandkids anytime soon. On the other side of the family I have one cousin so all my aunts and uncles on that side already took all the hits of people asking them when they would have kids. The last thing any of them are going to do is pressure me.
Starboard_Pete@reddit
That’s very lucky! I’m in the weird in-between generation where I have a ton of first cousins (over 20), but I have only one sibling and he’s the only one to have kids. My husband’s siblings all had kids; two of them 15-17 years ago, and one just had a baby three years ago (and the parents 100% expected us to “coordinate”).
So we got shamed constantly for not providing cousins for our nieces and nephews to grow up with. It’s such an odd position to be in, having to answer for your supposed failings of other people’s expectations.
calgmtl07@reddit
Seconded! Once that all stopped it was very peaceful
segacs2@reddit
Yuuuup! I feel you on ALL of that. Luckily my parents were never the type to harass me to give them grandkids directly, though my mom could lay on the indirect guilt. (I once may have told her something to the effect of, if she wants grandchildren so badly, she should have them herself. That shut her up for a while.) And since I got married relatively late, we didn't endure years of questions as a couple about when we were having kids. But I definitely got them for DECADES as a woman, whether or not I was in a relationship at the time.
Meanwhile, men like my husband rarely got asked, or if they did and said "I don't think kids are in my plan", they just got that taken at face value.
buckut@reddit
i wanted a family, i didnt figure out the relationship stuff so thats where i gave it up. im a cool uncle, but dad woulda sounded great. i got a dog n a shit ton of toys, but thats getting lonely heh.
DeterminedErmine@reddit
I feel fine. I never had bio kids, but I do have my partner’s son who lives with us most of the time. That combined with dogs and cats is more than enough for me.
twolfhawk@reddit
I could not imagine having children in today's world. If we did, we certainly would not have stayed in America.
digitalgraffiti-ca@reddit
Fucking AWESOME. I'm so glad I never did.
theelephantupstream@reddit
We still feel good about it. It’s okay to have moments of sadness for the many possible lives that you chose not to live. I feel the same way about not having moved to the South of France to become a cheese monger. Life is so bursting with possibility and you can’t do all the things. We love our life and wouldn’t change it.
catsgreaterthanpeopl@reddit
Same, every once in a while I think it would be nice to share something with a child, particularly at Christmas and Halloween, but in general I am very happy with my childfree choice.
Classic_Engine7285@reddit
Only a person without kids could compare having kids to cheese.
hisamsmith@reddit
This is why I have a good relationship with my nibblings and sisters as well as my godchildren. I can borrow a child when I want to and give them back when I am done. I get to go to school plays, watch them trick or treat, open Christmas presents, hunt for Easter eggs, spoil them and have zero percent of the responsibility for the day to day life or their overall upbringing. I love being the fun aunt.
Joeva8me@reddit
Sounds pretty selfish. I imagine your sisters would love a little one of you to dote over and give back.
CoachAngBlxGrl@reddit
Yeah there’s plenty of volunteer opportunities for the warm and fuzzy!
pizza5001@reddit
This is true. And I’m sure the parents would appreciate the little break, too. It’s a win win. I suppose this is the “village” people have referred to in the past, that is difficult to find in the modern world.
TradeBeautiful42@reddit
We absolutely love the break! I’m 47 and tired. Aunties babysitting so I can sleep is wonderful.
CoachAngBlxGrl@reddit
Yup! Aunts (blood or otherwise) are such a vital role in the development of personality and such and it’s lacking for so many reasons. It’s not just lower socioeconomic families that could use some extra support, that’s for sure!
Forsaken_Instance_18@reddit
Would like an update on this feeling every 10 years from now
PreposterousTrail@reddit
I am a parent, but I feel the exact same way about the possible life I would have had without kids. I love my life as it it’s, but I think I could have been equally happy childfree, or with a different career, or living in a different corner of the globe. You make your choices and then you live your best life on the path you’ve taken.
GordEisengrim@reddit
I think the human condition causes us to want what we don’t have, and to think about our choices and what could have been. Whether you have children or not, you’ll probably always wonder what a different life would have looked like.
Hereforthedung@reddit
This is the best answer.
ZealousidealSea2034@reddit
The comment this person replied to is the best answer.
Opening_Jeweler_491@reddit
The only time I would ever think about this, is to acknowledge how ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE my life would be if I had children. Every single aspect of my life would be worse. I would've probably committed suicide if I ever found myself pregnant. I actually have a VERY serious medical condition, but it is eat easier living with only half a heart (congenital) than thinking about having a child.
NightBloomingAuthor@reddit
https://therumpus.net/2011/04/21/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-71-the-ghost-ship-that-didnt-carry-us/ The Ghost Ship that Didn't Carry us lands this sentiment exactly.
Adamant_TO@reddit
"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet." Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
OwlsKilledMyDad@reddit
Go ahead and fill me with existential anxiety, why don’t you!
Entire-Order3464@reddit
Considering moving to France but it will be the Alps. Will eat all the cheese for you.
PersianCatLover419@reddit
I hope you have lots of money. It is expensive there.
Entire-Order3464@reddit
It is far less expensive than anywhere I've ever lived as an adult in the US.
carlitospig@reddit
My belly thanks you for your service.
Toosder@reddit
I do wonder sometimes if I would have taken that job in Paris. Or dated that other guy. Or taking a different route with the military. I've never wondered about kids personally but if I did, just like you, I would put it in that same bucket. There's a lot of decisions we make in our life and wondering what if it's not the same as regret. And even some regret is fine. I do regret not taking the job in Paris. But I also love my job and I love the way it is and I wouldn't change it knowing what I know now.
revolutionoverdue@reddit
This is a great perspective
SavingsInformation10@reddit
Cheese monger would have been nice
1locolobo@reddit
Cheese monger 👍🏽😂
tgerz@reddit
We moved to London in our early 40s and am still looking for new opportunities. You may still be able to have some type of dream yet.
theelephantupstream@reddit
Oh I have lots of them and I’ve achieved many! But I’ll never be able to do them all, and I’ve made peace with that. I would not want to miss out on enjoying my life because I’m too busy torturing myself with the many other paths I didn’t take.
Key-Permission-8461@reddit
Same. I could have joined the army and become a doctor too. But the good thing about not having kids is that I had choices and possibilities and the money/time to make whatever I want happen. Life is so good! 😊
LukeMayeshothand@reddit
Yeah I regret not being a ski bum for a year or 2.
Synanon@reddit
You’ll never feel the paradox of the heights of unconditional love and the depth of fear of losing something so precious to you. Also, you want the very best for the but that conflicts between spoiling them and disciplining them. It’s a wild ride and I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but sometimes you just want a break from it all and to have that freedom. If my son hadn’t been born I’d be a completely different person, and not one I can say I’d like. Really forced me to grow up emotionally. I also understand this isn’t the case with everyone there are some tragic families out there. Life is strange and wonderful.
BabaofTheShimmer@reddit
You don’t need a child to feel unconditional love for someone or to have fear when thinking of someone you might lose.
I have a children. I have a dog. I have parents. I have a husband. I have siblings. These are all people that I unconditionally love and die for. Particularly the dog, lol.
Synanon@reddit
I never said any of the things you’re arguing about. You seem unhappy in life and I feel sorry for you.
Staninator@reddit
This sounds like you're living the dream. Warm climate, and you spend your days doing something you love, with something you're passionate about. Also everyone loves cheese, so I imagine everyone loves you 😅
theelephantupstream@reddit
As noted, cheesemonger is one of the lives I didn’t live but no worries, I’m living the dream in upstate New York as a therapist for sexual assault survivors. I have a great husband, an elderly cat, and a rescue horse. We have a little house with the garden I’ve always wanted. It could be a lot worse:) Appreciate your positive comment either way!
Staninator@reddit
I'm an idiot sorry 😔 that sounds like you found your calling doing essential work helping others who need it. This is something you should be proud of. Your home life sounds just as beautiful as your France dream :)
theelephantupstream@reddit
I like to think so! And you’re not an idiot—i tend to miss words when I’m reading too and appreciate your taking the time to comment:)
Goodguybadd@reddit
You’re a cheesemonger in paradise as far as I’m concerned
ObligationJumpy6415@reddit
Hat tip for the #unexpectedjimmybuffett 😎
cat_at_the_keyboard@reddit
They're feeling some regret for not moving and becoming a cheesemonger
gnomequeen2020@reddit
Exactly this. There are fleeting moments where I think about one of the many different paths I didn't take, including children, but it passes pretty quickly when I think about all of the reasons I didn't choose that path in the first place.
I sometimes regret not taking up figure skating at an early age, but then I remember I have absolutely no sense of balance, and I wouldn't have wanted to get up before dawn every morning for training.
OtherlandGirl@reddit
Pretty great way of phrasing it :)
polygonalopportunist@reddit
Who told you about my French cheese monger dreams?
SimpleVegetable5715@reddit
I am in my 40’s and sterilized. I feel good about it. My family is very dysfunctional, and I have genes that don’t deserve to be passed on to another generation. I think I did my kids who don’t exist a favor.
Turbojelly@reddit
We like kids, we also think we would be terrible parents. Means we dote on our nephews and nieces.
K_Linkmaster@reddit
Why is it linked to a 7 year old ask Reddit?
Chytectonas@reddit
It feels like that part in the Sound of Music where Julie Andrews is twirling and singing on a sunny grassy hilltop.
RedLigerStones@reddit
Spouse you say?
Ancient-Decision2585@reddit
I feel better about it each passing day.
mjnoles38@reddit
Aren't you all concerned who will be there for you when you get old, like how we are there for our parents?
I am 43 and that is my feeling
jeng52@reddit
That’s a very selfish reason to have children.
LlamaCheesePie@reddit
In fairness, most of this thread is people giving selfish reasons for not having kids. “I want to” make art, travel, sleep, spend money on myself…
And… that’s ok.
Procreation is biologically driven. It’s programmed survival. It’s neither selfish nor altruistic. Do it or don’t do it. At an individual level, it makes no difference to the species and people shouldn’t feel the need to justify either choice.
ArtisanalMoonlight@reddit
Biology isn't destiny.
And it's far better to be selfish and not create an entirely new human than to be selfish and create a child because you want someone to always love you. You should work that out in therapy.
LlamaCheesePie@reddit
Totally agree. We should all have agency. But if it wasn’t biologically driven, would OP still be here asking the question for fear of regret.
Happy to get downvotes for the crime of saying it’s an individual’s choice though. There’s plenty of therapy to be done on both sides of this topic.
ArtisanalMoonlight@reddit
No. Because there are absolutely no guarantees in life
TheLakeWitch@reddit
As a hospice nurse I can tell you that having children is absolutely no guarantee that they’ll be there for you when you need them. Also, what a crazy reason to have children.
PWB666@reddit
Every time I see a proud father with his children I mourn the loss of not having the opportunity. Wife developed cancer and we became unable to have children. She's healthy now and I'm grateful forever for that.
MossGobbo@reddit
Still fine with having no skin dogs. The four legged furry kind suit me just fine.
Andsoitgoes101@reddit
My husband and I choose not to have kids. We’re both 45 and 48 respectively. We love our nieces and nephew. We adore our fur babies. We have a very beautiful family and an awesome relationship. No regrets.
Entire-Order3464@reddit
The same as I felt before. Great. Never wanted kids neither did my wife. We've never regretted it.
TrickyAirport5867@reddit
Taking the opposite side of the coin, even if you did regret it, I can't understand why everyone thinks that regret is all-consuming and forever. My guess is the way "not having children" is depicted in media; but, if someone regrets not having kids their brain processes it and they get on with life. You can even adopt, foster, volunteer, or whatever.
I'm on the "had kids" side and yeah, it's amazing and everything, but it's not all Hallmark moments that people probably romanticize it to be.
MiniTab@reddit
Same. My wife and I make great money, and we’re physically and mentally healthy. No genetic or mental issues in either family so no reason health wise to not have kids.
We just didn’t ever went them, going back to when we first met at age 31. Now we’re in our late 40s and I’m more glad than ever. I cannot imagine the guilt I’d have for bringing children into this world.
SittlersRippedC@reddit
I have kids and do not feel guilty at all. In fact I am proud of the lawyer and police officer that my 2 daughters have become. They make the world better.
Entire-Order3464@reddit
Not really sure what your comment has to do with this thread about how people who don't have children feel. You have children. This thread isn't for you. Move on.
SittlersRippedC@reddit
The comment so relief to stated that they’d feel guilty if they had kids. I can respond to that shit.
Go back to posting pics of your dogs dressed up for Christmas…
ArtisanalMoonlight@reddit
You can. Doesn't mean you should.
MiniTab@reddit
Ok? Why would you think I care?
SittlersRippedC@reddit
I fit think you do… because you’re obviously a selfish prick
Whoremagick69@reddit
That’s debatable
NightWriter500@reddit
Lol, I’m pretty guilt-free about it, personally.
MiniTab@reddit
Good for you. I was talking about me, not you.
NightWriter500@reddit
Do you feel shame in being alive? Like, you literally wish you were dead?
MiniTab@reddit
I’m perfectly happy, thanks!
NightWriter500@reddit
Exactly. As shitty as this world can be, any reasonably healthy person is glad they were allowed to be alive. Nobody feels guilty about giving someone else that.
Whoremagick69@reddit
Ignorance typically is
NightWriter500@reddit
You’re for real about this comment. That’s astounding.
thesmellnextdoor@reddit
Having finally reached financial stability in the last 5 or 10 years, I am just eternally grateful not to have a tiny human size hole in my wallet.
happyhappy_joyjoy11@reddit
That's my wife and I as well. We love being aunts (total of 15 nieces and nephews between our siblings), but we're super happy we're only moms to two dogs. Parenting looks incredibly difficult even under the best circumstances.
CalliopeKB@reddit
Same here!
ArtisanalMoonlight@reddit
I'm glad I knew my own mind and don't give a furry rat's ass about the life script.
I knew pretty young I didn't ever want to pregnant and around the same time that I didn't want to be a mom.
I've never second guessed the choice.
My life is good, even if the world or society isn't. And I don't have some existential dread for my descendants hanging over me.
Fabricfucked@reddit
Our situation is a little different because we tried /wanted for kids but couldn’t have them. I never in a million years thought I’d say this, but thank god it didn’t work. I just can’t imagine having kids right now with the state of the world. I have kids around me who I love and care for and an incredible community of people. Short answer: SO GRATEFUL.
Jaralith@reddit
Come on over to r/IFchildfree !
TurtleToast2@reddit
I love my kids and don't regret them but I have tremendous guilt for the same reason you feel relief. They are 19 and 24 and I feel like their future is so bleak.
mrsnugznpinot@reddit
Same with me! Agree 100%
Craig_E_W@reddit
We wanted kids, we tried, we did testing, we tried some more. Turns out we were never going to be able to make our own. By that point we were getting close to our 40's, and we decided not to pursue adoption. With how things are now, and how things might (or probably will) be in the future, I'm glad it turned out this way.
Once in a while I wonder what it would have been like, and I'm sure we would have been good parents. But some things would have been harder, especially our finances, and I'm glad we aren't just trying to scrape by like my family did at times.
Overall, I'm a happy, content human being, and the lack of kids in my life is a source of serenity, not a source of stress.
chonky__chonker@reddit
Not having kids is still a truly solid decision.
orAaronRedd@reddit
Jealous of the choir on here singing the praises of not wanting or having them. I wish I didn’t want them so I wouldn’t mourn missing the opportunity.
PersianCatLover419@reddit
I am on the fence. I have worked with kids and I was glad I was not their parent and I could go home away from them.
orAaronRedd@reddit
Hah. Yeah, don’t get me wrong, I very strongly don’t want the vast majority of other people’s kids lol
RealSinnSage@reddit
you always get to choose your attitude even when you can’t choose your circumstances
RGUEZAR1999@reddit
Wonderful. Blessed to have college age nieces and nephews that want to travel, go out and have fun. Today one of them calls me while hanging out with his friends to let me know he had great time and stayed up all night and they were headed to breakfast. I was so touched to have him share he was happy.
be_loved_freak@reddit
Happy & free, with beautiful furbabies who will always be sweet litlle babies!🥰
Minotaar@reddit
What if you're 45 and just starting with your first kid
PersianCatLover419@reddit
You will be fine. My dad had me at 46 and my mom was 42. They were one and done as we are from small families. My parents lived until their 80s, lived full lives and I kept them young. My grandparents lived to be in their 80s and 90s.
A friend that is 87 and gay had his son as a donor to a lesbian at 45 and he is close to his son and to his son's mom.
Minotaar@reddit
Cheers it's good to hear
Primary-Umpire-4105@reddit
I have my niece and nephew every 2nd Friday night. I cant wait till they leave. Constantly testing and making noise. Its very obvious i was not ment to have children, i dont have the emotional desire. Ill stick to my bulldogs
Golden_Enby@reddit
Those parental instincts that people are "supposed" to have (seemingly from birth based on how children are raised in "preparation" of a future family) never happened to me. Even as a kid, I never dreamed of marriage or raising a family. I tried to fit in with the other kids who played house and talked about their future spouses and weddings, but it never interested me. I just wanted to watch cartoons and play video games, lol.
At 43, I'm still eternally grateful that I never gave in to the relentless peer pressure that I dealt with in my twenties. No joke, I began to question my own sanity because the harassment, especially from older women, was so constant. I thought something was very wrong with me for not wanting to procreate. Took some therapy to heal from that.
I'm so glad being childfree is becoming more and more normalized. No one should feel like they have to have a family just because society claims it's "the next step" or "the most fulfilling step" in life. Hell, no one should be forced to get married if they don't want to. Besides the tax benefits, there's no incentive. You can be with a person your whole life with a certificate saying you love each other. My fiance and I will get married at some point, but we're in no hurry, as evident by our 18 year long relationship, lol.
Kahnza@reddit
Are posts from the bot infested askreddit getting posted here so those bots can move out and infect other subs like this one?
PersianCatLover419@reddit
Yes things get reposted constantly.
McBeanserr@reddit
Right? I keep seeing more and more of these reposts. The original post was from 8 years ago.
Regular_Error6441@reddit
I didn't even notice it... 🤬 Botland
humanoid6938@reddit
My husband is 8 years older. The older he gets, the more I regret it because he's slowing down and we can't do the things we used to. I'm planning on moving near my sister in the next few years so it won't be as lonely or boring
Penemere@reddit
As a 47 yo, 15 year foster/adoptive parent, 18 year bio parent, 27 year step parent, I have to wonder... WHY THE FUCK DOES ANYONE WANT CHILDREN
Gh0sts0fBeverlyDrive@reddit
I wish I felt as sure as a lot of these comments. I’m very mixed and there’s a fair amount of grief and sadness, having not had such a quintessential life experience. And yes, I know there are many things in life I won’t get to experience (being a cheese monger in France!), but there’s something about raising a child that seems fundamentally different and more weighty to me. I’m sure it’d be hard as hell, but also so fulfilling. That’s the part there’s some grief over for me.
MaruSoto@reddit
We don't even think about it. Too busy planning this month a mini vacation, watching whatever we want on TV or just enjoying the exquisite quiet of our house (which we designed to complement our own interests).
Toosder@reddit
Zero regrets. Literally zero. Never one moment of I wish I would have or I wonder if. It was never something I was interested in, and that has never changed.
Rekd44@reddit
Mid-40s, no regrets. We are so busy with other relatives and friends and work that I don’t know how we would survive if we had kids.
Specialist_Action_85@reddit
Me wanting to punch the 13 year old behind me at the football game screaming 6-7! in my ear is proof that DINK life was a good choice for me
njam1e@reddit
Late 40's here.. husband had a vasectomy like 7 years ago and I had a hysterectomy earlier this year and still solid in our decision. There is so much stuff that we can do because we don't have kids.
When friends of ours decided to have kids, my husband had a moment.. but thankfully we worked through all of that! These friends bring their child along to all kinds of places that really aren't kid friendly and it annoys my husband to no end. I've always been unwavering in my decision.
PokerbushPA@reddit
Best decision we ever made. We barely make enough for the two of us. If we had kids, we'd freeze or starve or both.
My niece just had a kid. She's not married, and the father is a no-show. She's happy as a clam...for now.
(She's also really dumb. REALLY dumb.)
Allerjesus@reddit
I never had that motherly feeling. Held lots of babies and felt absolutely nothing. It was like holding someone’s pet rabbit. Cute, I guess, but I don’t want one. Partner and I make good money, take nice vacations, and will retire 10 years before our friends with kids. We have dogs that we are obsessed with and rarely fight. Life is pretty good.
Punkinpry427@reddit
Don’t regret a minute of my childfree life. I truly believe it has made my marriage stronger. Hosting an outdoor Halloween movie night recently for my friends’s kids and neighborhood kids only reinforced I made the correct decision.
full_of_ghosts@reddit
Awesome. I got a vasectomy at 26, long before I even met my wife. One of the best decisions I've ever made.
I know myself well enough to know I'd be terrible at parenthood, and I wouldn't enjoy it very much.
TheLakeWitch@reddit
I wanted to have my tubes tied at 30 and was told “no doctor would agree to that” because “what if your future husband wants a baby?”
impliedapathy@reddit
I was told the same thing, just reversed, at 22 and 25 when I tried to get a vasectomy.
TheLakeWitch@reddit
I guess it’s a relief to know that men deal with it as well. I never did get my tubes tied, instead opting for an IUD til the factory finally shuts down, lol. Which it’s in the process of doing.
impliedapathy@reddit
I finally got a no questions asked doctor that snipped me at 39. Ridiculous that our bodies, man or woman, can be policed at all.
TheLakeWitch@reddit
Agreed. Someone told me that it’s because doctors don’t want to be sued by someone who regretted their decision which is a valid concern in this day and age. But maybe then there should be some kind of legal waver that we can sign stating we’re making this decision and are of sound mind when doing so.
Idk. I’ll step off my soapbox now 🙃
full_of_ghosts@reddit
I went into my consultation appointment braced for something like that. Part of my story (which, yes, they do ask you to tell at the consultation) was that I'd recently broken up with the first woman I'd ever even considered marrying, and it was entirely over the "kids or no kids" question. If she couldn't change my mind, I was quite confident no one ever would.
It wouldn't even meet my future wife until years later, but I knew then that she also wouldn't want kids. And I turned out to be right about that. Anyone who did want kids was, by definition, not my future wife.
DShinobiPirate@reddit
Me still being a chicken about getting a vasectomy and seeing this as my sign 😂 I have two kids already but I'm definitely ready to hang up the sacks.
cottoncandymandy@reddit
Its really not that bad! My partner just took off for a couple of days and that was it. Not a lot of pain or anything. He did have to go get it redone because the first failed (make sure you do your check up) but it still wasnt that bad for him.
Runningman787@reddit
I've had a vasectomy, and I'm not trying to discourage anyone from getting it, but when I hear people say it "wasn't that bad," I cringe. I had local anesthetic, a Valium and an Oxy before they cut me open. It was a burning pain matched with the feeling of getting kicked in the testicles the whole time. I sat up when they were done and vomited on the floor from the pain. I'm likely in the 1 out of 10,000 people that have this experience, but it was literally the worst pain of my life, and I expected it to be a cakewalk. I wish I'd known it could be painful. The doctor told me he'd never see my reaction to it before (and I'm pretty sure this is the procedure he does the most).
If my first would have failed, I don't think I would have gotten another procedure. I will never voluntarily let any sharp objects near my junk ever again in my life.
DShinobiPirate@reddit
That's reassuring thank you! 😀
full_of_ghosts@reddit
For me, it was almost a sacrament. A way to signal my commitment to living a childfree life.
After one rocky breakup over the "kids or no kids" issue (which absolutely should have been amicable, but wasn't, but that's a story for another time), I wanted to make sure all future potential romantic partners knew from the start that I'd never change my mind, and if they want kids someday, then I'm not their guy.
Old-Package-4792@reddit
Them: “Where are our grandkids?!”
Two grandkids later.
Me: “Where are their grandparents?”
Emeraldame@reddit
This 1000%! My mom wanted nothing to do with my kids once they weren’t newborns. She’s cut off now due to a plethora of things and her being a narcissist but none of the grandparents have ever offered to watch our kids.
LogensTenthFinger@reddit
My inlaws are amazing. They'll pick up the kids every day from school if we need them to, they're present at a moment's notice, and they're there for every special event.
My parents sometimes remember they have kids.
jeng52@reddit
That’s why you don’t have kids to satisfy other people
Old-Package-4792@reddit
Agree. I decided to keep them.
yungrii@reddit
I was pretty clearly (to my parents, anyway) a gay kid. And they were right! My mother never once pestered me about giving her grandchildren. But did to both of my siblings.
I don't really know how I feel about that, beyond being thankful because I never once did - and still do not - want children.
Step_Aside_Butch_77@reddit
Southern California for 6 months of the year…
SanPadrigo@reddit
Wealthier.
Bajovane@reddit
No regrets whatsoever.
Kinky-Bicycle-669@reddit
So I'm about to turn 40, never had kids. I feel Iike if I had had them with my ex I left recently, I would have had two kids to care for and I just couldn't handle it. As I've gotten closer to 40 though, it's been weighing on my mind a lot about having a kid.
Just started dating a new guy however who has a kid and I'm actually loving it. He's ten and still dealing with the fallout of a dead beat mom and it's heartbreaking.
kid_christ@reddit
Great. We have an animal family and just had a puppy, which in our 40s we decided would be our last. Puppy that is.
That_70s_chick@reddit
Best choice I’ve ever made. Every time a bump in life comes up I say; At least I don’t have kids.
Krelleth@reddit
Unhappy but resigned to it. Her medical issues just ruled it out, and they got so bad we couldn't even adopt. Probably better, all things considered, but this is not what I would have chosen at all, if I had a real say in things.
ktpcello@reddit
Do you resent her for it? Like deep down? My husband wants kids but I dont think we would be great parents, as much as we both love children. I have some health issues that are scary but I'd probably be OK. My husband is worried about me but I'm more worried about him really stepping up and having to be responsible. I'm at a point where I feel like having a child would be too much for us (really, for me based on behavior I've seen over the past 5 years of our marriage) but I feel extreme guilt over not taking the chance for him. Do you think you'll be unhappy in your marriage years from now?
nuskit@reddit
Honey, if it matters that much to him, he wouldn't be with you. It sounds like you don't trust his level of responsibility, which means the mental load of the marriage is already falling on you. If you had a child, you would be caring for TWO people -- one who actually is helpless, and one who chooses to be helpless. You would grow to resent him, and end up divorced and raising a child you never wanted.
If that isn't enough to make you rethink it, then think about the mental trauma you would be causing an innocent child who will ABSOLUTELY know that you didn't want them. You could do everything right, but kids know -- my mother was perfect...on paper. She kissed the boo-boos, made cupcakes and showed up to PTA meetings.
In reality, I saw her exhausted, stressed, tired, and frustrated. She would snap at the smallest thing, then apologize. She sat in her car in the driveway every single night for at least an hour before coming in. She clearly didn't want to be there, even though she was always present and doing the right things.
It took 15 years of adulthood before I just asked her "you didn't want kids, huh?" And she looked like it was the hardest thing in the world to say, "No, I didn't, but I'm glad that you're my daughter despite everything, anyway." She's my best friend (after a lot of therapy) and completely supportive of my choice to be childfree.
Don't let my experience be another child's experience. If you don't want kids with your full chest, don't do it.
Krelleth@reddit
Are we happy overall? Yes. Is it a thorn in my side and a thing i still even now think about after 20+ years? Also yes.
It makes work gatherings a bit depressing. All everyone talks about is their kids, and I'm just over in a corner for most of it, trying to not get depressed over it. Usually failing. It's a simple question of do I love her enough that I can accept that intermittent depression and sadness? Yes, but its never not a problem. It's just a problem I have accepted dealing with.
chiselplow@reddit
I'm 43 as of today and never wanted any children. I despise other people's kids and am very much a cat person. Then, about 7 months ago, we were surprised with an unplanned pregnancy. Well, I guess the universe has other plans. It's a girl and I'm relieved. We're still a kitty household and always will be, but I guess we'll have to raise one little human to hopefully behave and live like we do. I still feel that my life would have been 100% just fine without this unplanned life change, but I have no choice but to embrace it and make it the best I can, especially in the face of so many out of control children with lazy, unaccountable parents in the world. We choose not to add to that chaos and will do better than others, which will largely be fueled by my lifelong annoyance of kids and their parents. Anyway, this xennial now has some work to do. 🤷♂️
BrucetheFerrisWheel@reddit
Oh god. That's awful.
darkiya@reddit
Mixed.
I still enjoy the freedom of no young dependents.
I love my nieces.
I would have loved to have been a mother, but I decided years ago I love my husband who can't have them more.
SaskatchewanManChild@reddit
I have two kids. I will never judge those who decide against having them; however, it really is one of those ignorance is bliss things. I simply could not have understood what I would be missing until I held them, it is not like anything I’ve felt before; and no, your dog is not just like having a kid….. no shade to you for not having a kid, just be careful about opinions which ignore that…. Ignorance is bliss.
BrucetheFerrisWheel@reddit
I didn't believe that either, I had two dogs that were my kids and MAN that was the purest strongest love I'd ever experienced. They were my kids!
Then I had my very surprise baby and holy shit, no comparison, not even a little.
I think it's great how people really can choose these days, but you are right. Parenthood really is something you don't understand until you do it, and you don't know how you will feel until you do it. That's the tricky part eh.
stormer1_1@reddit
I'm grateful every day of my life to be a childless spinster. Every day. I fucked up everything else but at least I didn't take anyone down with me.
CoastalCarolinasDerm@reddit
Great. The world is crazy.
nochumplovesucka__@reddit
For an opposite perspective, My children were born when I was very young. My oldest son was born when I was 18 (1995), and my youngest when I was 20 (1997). I am now 48. My oldest is 30 and my youngest is 28. My youngest turned 18 when I was 38. So my kids were adults before I was 40.
I have since been snipped. No way I would want to have one now at this age. I had kids very young, and it was tough back then. But the pay off was having them raised and into adult hood before my 40s. Conversely, my best friend since high school who is my age just had a son 2 years ago. Its funny because when he had a son, that same year my grandson was born. We joke and lugh about how wildly different our paths were concerning our families and children. He moved to the city and got to have fun in his 20s and 30s, settled down and had a child in his mid 40s. And now I can do whatever I want when I want, no responsibilities like that anymore.
I can't even imagine having a child now. I'm totally fine with the way it all happened for me.
BrucetheFerrisWheel@reddit
And I had a kid late like your friend and feel completely the opposite 😆 i couldn't imagine having a kid in my 20s and early 30s, I was free and did whatever I wanted with my youth and that was awesome. I did want a kid mid 30s ish, but it didn't happen the ln, so I never meant it to happen soooo late.
Anyway, I'm also fine with the way it happened, although I do miss sleeping in!
IvenaDarcy@reddit
Feel great! Never once hung with friends with kids and thought “wish that was me” not one single time. It’s great for others but not for everyone.
RockyRidgeRiver@reddit
Vindicated.
nuskit@reddit
Feels great! My husband is in his late 50s, and he's also happy with our choice. I absolutely cannot imagine how awfully difficult life would be for us of we had kids. To be honest, we probably wouldn't be married after 26 years.
We do not have relationships with any of our niblings, either. There's no family drama, our holidays & weekends are spent doing what we want to do, and we have the emotional & mental bandwidth to do volunteer work.
Neither of us feel the need to leave a "legacy" or be "remembered" after we die, so we've got our direct cremations already paid for, and any estate value after we die will go to causes we believe in. Nobody needs to remember us for us to feel that we've provided kindness & succor during our allotted time on this planet.
Carolinevivien@reddit
I’m in my early 40’s, hubby is 50’s. We’re absolutely at peace with it.
I never was eager to have kids; the closest I came to it was probably about 15 years ago when I was in a serious relationship and talking about marriage.
In that relationship, things were different, I was in my late 20’s, and the idea of kids was exciting.
The relationship ended and I met my husband about 5 years later.
By that time I was around 33, my husband was 40, and by the time we got engaged, got married, and got a house, covid hit, he was 50 and I was 40.
It happened the way it was supposed to. I value my freedom, though I know not having kids means there’s a lot I won’t experience. Im okay with it.
Trick-Property-5807@reddit
Also decided to skip the spouse. Regret neither choice. My life is full. I have great friends and a family of origin I love. My life is full of truly awesome kiddos I get to spoil…and a load of disposable income I can spend on that effort (and/or spoiling myself)
I deeply respect the people in my life who are all in on making the compromises and sacrifices necessary to be great spouses and parents. It’s not for me. That’s okay.
ConspiracyParadox@reddit
Better than if I had kids.
ConspiracyParadox@reddit
Better than if I had kids.
babydavissaves@reddit
Wait til you hit retirement! It's a lonely, boring existence unless one builds a solid friend base, but people come and go.
Fallen_Muppet@reddit
We didn't have kids, and now we are getting divorced. Not because of that, but for other reasons. I'm glad I didn't have kids in this relationship, but I have always been open to fostering medically fragile kids.
FYI- have been an at home nurse for families with medically fragile kids- one home had foster kids, and the other family was an actual family member who is medically fragile. I loved it! The family gets to dote on the child, advocate for them in court, take the babies in for continuity of care. And the nurses do the other stuff, its wonderful! And, of course, there is loss. The family with the foster kids have always reached out when one of our babies reached angel status. I'm actually visiting that family to say hi, back in my home state.
Since we werent parents, we were able to change the legacy of many of my neices and nephews (my spouse doesn't have kids on her side) and they have grown into genuinely wonderful human beings, since I haven't always been a part of their support system. I'm a proud tia. Fosteribg won't be for a few years, but I look forward to this new chapter 💛
7r3370pS3C@reddit
Awesome. We have a niece and nephew who are both under 4 so I look forward to watching them grow up.
Lastofthehaters@reddit
Just fine
Morten505@reddit
Fantastic. Never regret it one second.
Good_Connection_547@reddit
Do I have zero regrets? No. I’d love to know what/who our imaginary children would have become.
But when I look at reality, I know having kids would probably have been the beginning of the end for us. We have a mix of childhood trauma and executive dysfunction between us that’s just now being addressed in our late 40s.
Not to mention, we’ve had almost 20 years of some of the best times. I don’t have to share him with anyone else. And we never had to put our own wants or dreams aside for the benefit of a child/children.
It was 100% the right call to keep it just us.
j_ho_lo@reddit
100% having kids would've ended our marriage. He struggles with ADHD and extreme executive dysfunction and I know wouldn't be the partner I'd want/need for raising a child. I would be the primary caregiver and doing it all and I know I'd become extremely resentful and the relationship would die. I'd rather have him than a child, not that I ever wanted kids. I don't have the patience for it anyway.
Starboard_Pete@reddit
This! I have an ADD/Exec function disorder partner and I’m very, very likely an undiagnosed case of ADD. It would be a disaster. I don’t see why it’s considered the selfish, irresponsible choice to just choose happiness with your partner instead.
Uncle_Guido1066@reddit
98% of the time, I'm happy with the decision that we made. Occasionally, I think about the experiences that I've missed by not being a father, but then I remind myself of the reasons we chose to be child free.
remedialhandwriting@reddit
Smart!!! So so so smart, and smarter everyday with the collapse of our democracy.
pm_me_your_amphibian@reddit
Great! Feel better every year knowing I made the right decision for me.
slickslippy@reddit
I don't like being around kids, so I'm great without them. My wife does like kids, but she is close with her nieces and nephew and can spend time, do activities, etc with them when she wants. She also likes that, at the end of the day, she can come home and just relax without all of the downsides of having her own children. So, we have no regrets on that front. We're much better off this way.
Horace-Pinkerr@reddit
Awful. It wasn't exactly a mutual decision, more of a result of a few years not going great. All I wanted out of marriage was a kid, up until a few years ago everything was on track. Wife just wanted her career and our housing situation stable, and then we would start trying. Well unfortunately I became unstable with too much partying and drinking and my wife decided, 20yrs into our relationship, that she didn't want a kid with an unreliable drunk. I understand where she's coming from, but I had always said whenever she was ready to have a kid I would stop partying and stay home and be the best partner I could possibly be. A bit of a chicken and egg situation. Now that the window has closed I feel like I completely ruined our lives and nothing will ever be the way I wanted it to. My life feels meaningless at this point and I honestly just want it to be over. Having a kid was the one thing I was holding on to , to give me a purpose, to make life more meaningful etc. Now its gone, im 45, the good days are gone and I just feel empty and dead inside. Stopped drinking a year ago, but its too late.
ktpcello@reddit
I'm so sorry to hear this. It sounds a lot like my husband and me. I've told him for several years I'm not comfortable trying until we clean up our act and start acting responsibly. I'm worried about his health and it's not comforting to be told that once a kid is here, things will be different. I need to see it before I put everything at risk to be confident it will actually happen. He has always wanted children and I did too but I'm so scared that I won't have the support I need. We have talked about it a thousand times but it seems like drinking, smoking, gaming, etc are all more important. It breaks my heart but I have to be realistic. I'm afraid he will feel the same way you do once we are out of time. I don't want that for him or for us and I feel like I've wasted my future. I will do everything to make my life happy, but I will always be sad that it worked out the way it did.
deephurting66@reddit
The wife and I were proud child frees, we were the type that made fun of our breeder friends. She's dead, im alone and doing well, the kids got lucky they were never born with my family curse, Parkinson's and Alzheimer's (I currently suffer from both) so thankfully the curse ends with me..
No-Championship-8677@reddit
Fantastic! No regrets
EngineeringRight3629@reddit
*No rugrats
Dr_DennisH@reddit
I always say. 'Live life, no Rugrats.'
Cael_NaMaor@reddit
Wasn't til my 40s that I got a spouse & he wasn't interested. 5yrs in, we're content.
4luminate@reddit
wife told me that if i wasn't ready at 40, she was getting snipped and tied.
i wasn't ready. and unbeknownst to us, our household was about to go through some serious shit.
so, the option was removed. all things considered, i guess it's good, considering what what about to go down.
i am the last male with my family's last night. i try not to think about that.
nottodaysatan317@reddit
Very pleased.
DestroyerTame@reddit
Most days I feel like it was the right choice, there are moments of grief mixed in here and there, but ultimately we delayed the decision long enough until the decision was made for us.
ktpcello@reddit
That's us, too. My husband is not really a go-getter and usually leaves decision making up to me. He always wanted a family but we just never really got our act together in time. We are OK money wise but we have no village and I think i would have lost my mind trying to manage it all (which I'm pretty confident would have been the case). I absolutely adore children and I definitely feel grief over the way things played out. I love my husband and I really hope he doesn't resent me one day because I never said "ok, let's try NOW and make it happen." But I never had the confidence to risk it and now I've kinda missed my window. Who knows what the future holds, I'm just trying to be grateful for the life I have because it is generally very nice.
C0ugarFanta-C@reddit
Peaceful. I am in my mid-50s and I have to say, lately I am very grateful for our quiet little lives. It's what I always wanted, a long marriage, a house, some cats, access to art and entertainment.
I think parenthood is a lot of work and I commend good parents because it's hard. I also knew it wasn't for me and would have made me and potentially my offspring miserable. I also knew from a very young age that I didn't want children.
If your unspoken question is, "do you regret not having children?", for me that answer is not at all.
MoStyles22@reddit
I can retire before I hit 50 and it’s feels great!
Cautious-Ordinary475@reddit
Early 40s here and feeling good. Everyone talks so much about biological clocks it legitimately had me worried that I would experience a switch-up as that door closed for good but no, my husband and I are more sure of our decision now than ever.
I’m excited for the coming decades (maybe even early retirement 🤞🤞) and know that even without kids I won’t be able to fit in all of the plants I want to grow, art I want to create, skills I want to learn, experiences I want to have with friends and family, the list goes on.
BrewSkiNora@reddit
Agreed! I'm mid-40s and heard a lot of "Kids are so great because you can have childhood again." That's unappealing to me because I've already DONE childhood. It was cool, but no need to do it again. Bring on the new experiences!
The_Curvy_Unicorn@reddit
We knew it likely wouldn’t be an option for us, so we were okay with it…and then he died last year - very unexpectedly - at 47. I’m now 47 and am alone; none of my relatives live in this state and we were not at all close with his family. Fortunately, I have lots of really great, quality, loving friends, but I’ve thought some about being childless in the last year. Part of me wishes we’d made it a priority with fertility treatments, but mostly, I’ve realized I’m thankful no children have had to be sad with me. So…lots of emotions. But truly, I’m doing okay.
KaiWaiWai@reddit
Excellent 👍
jackytheripper1@reddit
Relieved
International_Map_24@reddit
I just had a hysterectomy earlier this year, making my decision to remain childless permanent. I never had a great desire for children, but I also loved the idea of a traditional family (picket fence, dog, etc). The circumstances of my life (low wages, no spouse, etc) ultimately dictated my decision. I’m at peace now with a stable relationship and two cats.
Verbull710@reddit
These are the kinds of questions that are more about being a redditor than being a xennial imho
Egodram@reddit
44F, married, and still haven’t “changed my mind.”
Hereforthedung@reddit
1982 model and I don't regret it ever. I do have good family around and get loads of time with nieces and nephews who don't hate me. Maybe some day I will regret not having children but so far not yet. My wife, also a 1982 model completely agrees
christophervolume@reddit
Early 40s here.
We feel reeeeeaaallll fucking good about it.
GetrIndia@reddit
Married lesbian here, 42, and my wife is 37. We've been together 10 years, and I was always upfront about not wanting kids. Thankfully, she was also not interested. We love our cats and a quiet house. We both have siblings with kids, so we get to hang with them when we feel like it.
Impossible_Turn_7627@reddit
There's so much in the childfree conversation about travel. Nice to see another couple who enjoys cats at home :)
RecreationalTension@reddit
Almost 40, just gut cancer diagnosis - so glad I can be selfish!
sugarcoatedpos@reddit
Terrible. Depressed.
ZoeCat7819@reddit
Very satisfied with my choice not to have kids. I’ve alway loved alone time way too much to want them. My husband and I are fortunate that our parents haven’t nagged us about giving them grandkids.
Extra-Blueberry-4320@reddit
I have zero regrets. I’m an anxious person in general and I didn’t want to bring more of my genes into the world. I do like some aspects of kids, but I can fulfill all those through volunteering and hanging out with my nieces and nephews. Plus…let’s face it, the world is going to shit and I’d rather not have to feel more guilt for bringing kids into it that might not make it like I did.
Impossible_Turn_7627@reddit
We love it. Childfree and happy. Leaving the gym now, going to putter around the house and play PS5.
tshirtnosleeves@reddit
I feel awesome about it.
wild_ad25589@reddit
I’m grateful that people with no kids or grandkids can’t possibly imagine what they’re missing. It would be too terrible.
otterpeet@reddit
Great. Thanks for asking.
kobuta99@reddit
Financially secure.
Moquai82@reddit
I have no spouse, to beginn with.
Perfect-Resist5478@reddit
I feel great about it.
Suns_In_420@reddit
Ask them when they are 70 or 80 when no is around to take care of them. 40s and 50s they are still enjoying life.
Coffeegorilla@reddit
My wife couldn’t have kids and I didn’t want any, we are both in our late 40s and have filled our life with doting on our various nieces and nephews and lots of travel. It’s pretty great.
Affectionate-Yak5280@reddit
Speaking on behalf of others who aren't on reddit, I have 4 close male mates in their late forties/early 50s. They had partners at high school and in their 20s. They've all been single for the last 15-20 years.
Long story short, they would have all loved to find a partner and had children. However, it just didn't work out for them. They don't really socialize outside of very small friend groups. I think there is a large forgotten population when it comes to this question.
TheLastofthePoets@reddit
We’re happy. We have our two dogs who need us like children and I don’t imagine there’s anything a child would bring to our lives we don’t already have, I’m 48 and my wife just turned 50. Looking forward to still doing the things we love (dogs, gigs and travel) until we can’t.
amberlicious35@reddit
Currently on a plane on our way to catch a cruise. We’re devastated lmao
RoastQueefSandwiches@reddit
And look, they have enough money to pay for upgraded WiFi on the plane as a result. Fucking baller
ShillinTheVillain@reddit
Exit row stuntin' cuz they got it like that
amberlicious35@reddit
Y’all were both right! Bon voyage, bitches! 😜
odafishinsea2@reddit
Amazing. I’m sitting on vacation in Kauai, going to nice quiet dinners, and we’re getting it on like we’re in our 20s.
We go home to a beautiful house with two dogs that think we created the world. Early retirement in just a few years.
non_clever_username@reddit
Zero regrets.
I see what my siblings deal with with it comes to my niblings and that’s enough.
phdpinup@reddit
Great. I knew parenting was not for me and I’ve never had a single regret. My partner is on the same page and honestly it’s so much less stress.
Whoremagick69@reddit
The gratitude grows by the day. 47 f partially retired. Throw concerts for fun
Santa__Christ@reddit
So fucking good
AbsurdistWordist@reddit
One of the nicer things about my parents is that neither ever had any interest in becoming grandparents. Maybe my grandmother did for a bit. But, no interest, no pressure. I don’t think I would have had a support system either.
alphacreed1983@reddit
We feel grateful
hurl9e9y9@reddit
I feel flush with cash.
easterbunni@reddit
I'm doing cool shit that kids would ruin
PuzzledKumquat@reddit
Extremely regretful. We started trying last year when I was 41, only to find out that I had actually gone through menopause several years prior (the meds I was on masked the symptoms). I'm still grieving the loss of my children I'll never have. And egg donation/implantation is obscenely expensive - around $10,000 with zero guarantees. I now tell younger women to freeze their eggs just in case. Even if they decide not to use them, they can donate them. I wish someone had given me that advice.
jeng52@reddit
I don’t like kids so I’m very happy to not have any living in my house. I’d be absolutely miserable as a parent.
lindini@reddit
I wanted kids desperately, but my body said no can do. I was pretty broken up over it in my 30s but now in my 40s I see how tired all my friends are and it's no longer so romantic. People tell me all the time how young I look. Kids are a drain on you in every possible way, including physically. I've really gotten into traveling and going to concerts solo. My friends are dragging strollers through Disney and trying to figure out how to pay for 5 people to do anything. I know it will probably suck to die alone in a home but that can happen either way. I'll enjoy the 70 years of doing exactly what I want when I want until then.
mobtown_misanthrope@reddit
Let's see, it's Sunday. My friend who has a kid got woken up at 5:30am to discuss minecraft. My other friend who also has kids had had to take them to an 8am soccer game.
So, basically, I'm feeling fantastic about my life choices!
Waste-Mycologist1657@reddit
I still would not have it any other way.
Auferstehen78@reddit
Never wanted kids. Not having them meant I could go into get a bachelors degree in my 30s and a masters in my 40s.
I have a house, 3 Pomeranians and a cat.
TodayKindOfSucked@reddit
I’ll be forty in a few months and regularly high five myself for making such a good financial, emotional, and lifestyle decision. Never felt the urge to have kids, and, at this point, I figure I never will.
gummi-demilo@reddit
I’m 43 and spouseless but there was a period in my early to mid 30s where I had serious baby fever, and would’ve done it if the right (non-closeted) man had presented himself
lexluthor_i_am@reddit
We're Xennials. We're not in our 50s yet!
jamie535535@reddit
Amazing. I didn’t decide not to—never wanted them, so never considered. No regrets & have had no moments of thinking I might want one.
perfumefetish@reddit
Still happy with my decision after all these years :)
Legitimate_Bird_5712@reddit
I couldn't hear you over doing whatever I want whenever I want with all this disposable income.
GrizzlyAdam12@reddit
We need to ask this question again in 20 years.
Occams-Razor42@reddit
Relieved! (44F)
Logical-Layer9518@reddit
Awesome. We have never felt like we missed out or anything. We see the chaos that kids cause for our friends and neighbours and are thankful that’s not us. Our home is clean and quiet. We get to do things we like on our schedule. We are literally living the dream.
KevinStoley@reddit
When I was younger I always loved the idea of having a family and several kids by this point in my life.
I’m currently single with no kids in my early 40s. I’m perfectly happy. I have a somewhat decent job but in the current economy it can still be a bit of a struggle to get by.
I don’t know how some families with multiple children manage to get by. I can’t imagine dealing with all that on top of where I already am.
I enjoy the freedom and not having anyone else to be responsible for little to no obligations outside of work.
On rare occasion I might think it would be nice if I had gone a different path and had kids and a family. But overall I’m satisfied and happy with the choices I made and where I’m currently at.
larryjrich@reddit
Don't regret it one bit. My life is stressful enough, having kids to support would break me. I worked many long years to build up my career and only now am enjoying the benefits of it. If I had kids I wouldn't be able to enjoy the money I have now. I would have to keep sacrificing for them for who knows how many more years. It feels good being at this stage of life where I can just get whatever I want and it's mine and I don't have to share with everyone else.
HibiscusBlades@reddit
Just turned 43 over here. I occasionally regret not having children, but I’m also thankful because I haven’t been financially stable enough to support a kiddo. I’m open to the idea right now, yet perimenopause is making her appearance known. Days are numbered and crotch goblins are becoming far more unlikely know. Among me and my two sisters, none of us are likely to have children.
Lafnear@reddit
I have never regretted not having children. I really like being an aunt. I also physically feel like garbage most of the time and can't imagine how I would manage if I had more responsibilities.
supdawg1738@reddit
"... physically feel like garage"
I felt that.
RedShirtDecoy@reddit
Also an aunt who just had a two year, unknown, fight against my thyroid. Turns out having an over active thyroid can and will turn you into a completely different person, and not in a good way.
For 2 years I was moody, bitchy, hair trigger, yelling, screaming, and just generally an angry person. Strangers could see it on my face and treated me differently.
I had it removed recently and I'm feeling far better.
But having a kid during that? Who would bear the brunt of it? I mean I was able to seperate myself from my dogs but you can't crate a kid for an hour to calm down. You can't close a door they can't open to create space.
So incredibly thankful I don't have a kid for many reasons but that one for sure. My misophonia was insane during that time, a kid would have sent me over the edge.
elmoosh@reddit
Same. Love being an aunt, but so glad I don’t have to be a parent, especially with my physical and financial issues.
Klinky1984@reddit
Yeah, not sure how I could deal with any munchkins while dealing with chronic illness and a full-time job.
ourredsouthernsouls@reddit
I have kids, and I bet the answer to this is: wealthier and well-rested.
bounceswoosh@reddit
My husband died young. I was 40yo. At his memorial, I had a sudden and extremely strong thought: Thank God we never had kids. Because I never wanted them, and there I'd be, taking care of them alone. I have no doubt I would have loved them and been happy to have them, once they became individual real beings and not the vague concept of "children" - but still, I'm happy with the life I chose.
Yeah, sometimes I feel wistful, and at some point I'm going to need to make arrangements for a time when I might be alone and have no one to ensure that I am treated well as I age and am no longer able to advocate for myself. But I feel that's a selfish reason to have children, and besides which there's no guarantee your kids WILL do that, whether because they themselves have challenges or they .. just don't.
I personally also find the physical process of carrying a fetus and giving birth terrifying. Many women I know have had something scary happen to them, from forced bedrest for heart issues, to permanent abdominal muscle or other damage, to nearly bleeding out and dying. I would have been slightly more open to adoption, but again it was more "I might have considered it" than "I wanted a child in my life."
I'm told I'm good interacting with kids. I never developed "parent mode," so I tend to interact with them like I would anyone else, aside from introducing certain topics or using certain language. So perhaps I'm part of the village it takes.
PeterPunksNip@reddit
FANTASTIC !
BirdGoggling@reddit
He changed his mind and left me after 15 years together. Though, really, I think that was just the story that allowed him to still look like a good person to people outside of our relationship when he wanted to “date” 25 year olds.
msheehan418@reddit
I wanted them so bad. It just never happened. I was blessed with a stepdaughter who sees me as a second mom
Devo4711@reddit
Thrilled.
Illustrated-skies@reddit
I have no regrets about being childless. I knew from a very young age that I didn’t want children. And I am incredibly grateful that neither my parents nor my in-laws ever even suggested otherwise.
Lambears@reddit
I feel good about my decision. I didn’t have the happiest childhood and my parents didn’t enjoy parenting. My original “childfree” partner and I divorced after 20 years. He remarried someone considerably younger so I’m not sure what will happen there. I’ve remarried to a man who has 2 grown children. I like my stepkids and I’m glad they’re in my life, but also glad I didn’t have kids with my ex.
angrybadger77@reddit
Great, we have two dogs instead :)
Tabord@reddit
My partner never wants kids and I've been ambivalent enough about it that it hasn't been a big deal. I kind of wanted kids when I was younger, just as that something you're supposed to do, but it didn't happen. I kept thinking maybe someday when I've got my shit toegether, when I'm financially stable... by the time that kind of happened I was in my late 30s. Now I'd be in my 60s when the youngest of any potential children graduate high school. I'm old enough to recognize I'm a little too much like my parents to avoid the parenting pitfalls they didn't, and have some mental and physical health issues that were passed on to me that I wouldn't want to pass on to someone else, that I might not have thought of as a younger man. My siblings have enough of their own troubled children out in the world. I think maybe I'll always feel a little like things are unfinished, like my development as a person is a little arrested, like I never graduated to that next step, but as far as feeling like I'm missing out. Not really.
shponglespore@reddit
I feel fucking great about it looking at all the bullshit I've spared my hypothetical kids from having to deal with.
FearlessFerret7611@reddit
Amazing.
I get to do what I want when I want it. And do it with all that DINK money.
I have like a dozen hobbies.
At times I still feel like a kid myself.
Fast_Job_5949@reddit
Nervous-Rush-4465@reddit
“Unable” to have kids, despite alternative procedures. Sadness, mainly from my wife, but we immersed ourselves in loving our many pet dogs. Now, the perspective is “freedom” compared to contemporaries with youngsters to care for.
moles-on-parade@reddit
We have two nephews about 40m away whom we adore. And we're lucky to have a super tightly knit neighborhood full of kids, some of whom we've seen grow from infancy to driving. We can't walk the dog around the block without some six-year-old running up to give him a hug. It's wonderful.
I get it, there's a major part of life we'll never come close to experiencing. But we're adequately fulfilled and have no regrets.
HopelessMagic@reddit
We have exactly one kid. She's not sure if she ever wants children. The way things are going, I don't blame her one bit and I will suppress my need to be called Grandma for the sake of her well-being.
It's nice reading that you're all doing well. Gives me less to worry about.
CoachAngBlxGrl@reddit
Having kids is inherently selfish. And that’s ok. But as a mom of three, I totally understand people’s decision not to and more than respect it. It’s expensive and exhausting and hard. I also know that I am a better person because of this experience, but that’s not really a reason to bring a kid into this world. I don’t know that I’d have been as eager in this day and age as I was 16 years ago. Life is bleak and sucks quite a bit. Feeling responsible for the happiness of three other humans is heavy.
Hikikomori_Otaku@reddit
I am 42 my partner is almost 41, it was the right choice for us, no regrets.
SadAcanthocephala521@reddit
I feel just fine about it.
irishihadab33r@reddit
I feel like there should be some sort of matchmaking service (maybe there is already? Probably not) of "parents" and "grown children". Perhaps you never wanted to deal with the growing of the child, the schooling and disciplining of a child, but you wouldn't mind meeting up with an adult that would look to you as a mentor. I know there a lot of young adults who are realizing their birth parents were horrible parents and are going no contact with them for many reasons, but would love to have "parent figures" in their life. Pipe dreams.
morganford78@reddit
Don't get me wrong, we wanted kids and it didn't happen. But I don't hate my ability to do whatever I want, whenever I want to for the most part, that part is pretty rad. And the country is on fire and I don't have to worry about my kids dealing with that , so that's good.
keyboard_jock3y@reddit
I don't know if I ever could have afforded children back when I was young enough to have them. My 20's were a total struggle with two good sized recessions - each time a recession hit I had just finished a bachelor's degree (2002) and a master's degree (2008).
I started to get my feet under me in my 30's and started building a career; however, my first fiancee, who I helped her build her business, decided there were other fish in the sea when I was 35. I married my current wife at 40 but by then it was Covid and it seemed to be everywhere.
Now I'll be 46 next month and my wife will be 42 next summer. It feels like we're not only past our prime years to have children, but with our anxieties we probably wouldn't have been the best parents had we brought someone into this world.
We've come to terms with that and love our little dog like she was our child.
PeteDub@reddit
Ask ppl in their 70s and 80s. You’ll get different answers
AshleyRoeder33@reddit
I don’t regret it at all.
Prestigious-Emu5277@reddit
Great decision. Feel better about it every day
JunketAccurate9323@reddit
I never truly wanted to be pregnant so having kids was also low on the list. Lol. I figured if I did want kids, I'd become a foster parent and then adopt if/when the situation presented itself. That's still a possibility, but my husband and I are pretty cool not having kids. We have a lot of nieces and nephews that we get to dote on. We're the cool aunt and uncle; we love it!
My family was pretty chill about me not having kids because there are just so many of them in our family. I have 7 direct nieces and nephews. I'm the second oldest of 16 grandkids, we're all pretty close in age and among the pack there are at least another 2 dozen more kids. That's more than enough. Lol.
ordinarydecree@reddit
Thrilled with the decision
cbatta2025@reddit
One of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. 😀
erino3120@reddit
tavikravenfrost@reddit
I don't have a spouse, but I have never regretted my choice to not have children. From 28 - 32, I was essentially a stepfather to the young son of a woman I dated, and he absolutely regarded me as a dad. I think that I did pretty good with him, though it didn't change my attitude about not wanting children of my own.
Easy-Tomatillo8@reddit
We waited until 38 to have kids, and have a 2 year old and one on the way. It’s defiantly a lot but I had an extremely eventful 20s and very successful 30s with my wife. Careers, own a bar on the side in NYC. We decided to use that success to relocate to Texas and have kids. It makes it much easier but the kids are your life and that is the reality of it. I could have been perfectly happy without kids and found lots to do I imagine most people 40/50 without kids have fairly settled comfortable lives and enjoy the freedom. There are always trade offs we have a good amount of friends like that and they travel a lot and do all sorts of things we simply can’t do as often anymore.
phoenix0r@reddit
Whenever this question gets posted on Reddit, the answers are invariably and pretty much entirely No I do not regret it.
SunglassesBright@reddit
I don’t have a spouse but I just turned 40 with no kids. I don’t regret not having them earlier or with previous partners but, I wish I had more time now to do it now with the one I can see it working with. But, I also kinda just hate kids in general so idk if I could really handle it anyway.
Dondontootles@reddit
Feeling fantastic!
slippedintherain@reddit
I’m single, female, 47, no kids. I never wanted kids and as an only child I felt uncomfortable and awkward around children even when I was a child! I am sad about never having found a partner but not about not having kids. I have a dog who takes up most of my money and time now.
LolaBleu@reddit
Happy. Thankful. Kids were never a priority for me, and the older I get the more I realize I wasn't meant to be a mother. I have a great life and frankly kids would have ruined it.
MyNameis_bud@reddit
Alcohol has sped up my aging process. I know it’s a poison. I feel like our generation struggles with addiction on a whole other level. We are the microwave/drive-thru generation. Quick, and easy relief
big_ringer@reddit
I am angry because our system made having and raising children a financial sinkhole. I see all the ways I can be a good father, and I can't.
fumbler00ski@reddit
If you ever change your mind you can have mine for free.
hurdeehurr@reddit
Rolling in expendable income if i'm being honest.
KerouacsGirlfriend@reddit
We are still good with it and it was the right choice for us.
Something I didn’t expect though was a pang of longing for grandkids.
CrittyCrit@reddit
I'm in my early 40s. Husband is turning 40 next year.
We feel great about our choice. We also have 3 nephews and a niece that we get to engage with so I can say I love being an auntie but I also love being able to give them back.
We have 2 high energy, high maintenence breed dogs and we continuously joke that we might as well have had kids. Dogs for kids works for us.
TMI but I think I'm starting to enter into perimenopause and it hasn't shaken my choice or stirred up any doubt. I think if anyone out there has doubts, don't make a commitment with another person concerning kids until you're 100% sure.
j_ho_lo@reddit
We feel better about the decision every single day.
RedShirtDecoy@reddit
Not married but with each passing day I become more and more thankful I am not, and have never been, responsible for raising a kid.
The generational bullshit ends with me, and I'm thankful to live in a society where that is possible.
Gab83IMO@reddit
Thank god! We feel like we dodged a bullet.
cottoncandymandy@reddit
I feel absolutely fantastic!
Big_Surround3395@reddit
Increasingly wiser about the choice, as time has gone on.
foxontherox@reddit
We are loving life! We travel when we want, nap when we want, go to shows when we want, hang out with our friends’ kids when we want… and given the state of the world, I have zero regrets.
norcalxennial@reddit
This is us…up and go out to dinner whenever, regular patrons of the arts, dress up and spend money on luxury items because why not? I don’t have summer camp or extra curriculars to pay for. Travel whenever we feel like it, no worrying about specific school schedules etc. it’s sunday morning and My husband is playing video games and im in bed enjoying a cup of coffee and on my phone. The only tough part is coordinating with all our friends who have kids, their schedule is non existent even understood kids will be part of the hang, and we only last so long when there’s tons of kids involved…we underestimate the gift of quiet, but are quickly reminded when we visit lol.
Don’t get me wrong we tried, wasn’t in our cards. My one regret was not closing that door for us sooner (my husband was game to try for as long as i wanted but he wasnt ever we MUST be parents). Ultimately trying for so long kept us from evolving to our current pokemen stage where we’re chill, happy, do what we want, when we want, and are advanced enough in our careers we can afford what we want.
MetaverseLiz@reddit
I knew at 13 that I didn't want kids. I'm 44 now with absolutely zero regrets. It's the single best decision I made in my life.
Rivas-al-Yehuda@reddit
I was the spouse that didn't want to have children. My wife ended up leaving me for that reason.
theladyroy@reddit
Being auntie is great, and my sister’s kids are lovely weirdos. But I have no regrets about choosing my sanity and a life of cats, art, and living within my means.
spookycat5267@reddit
Agreed, I really think the world needs childfree aunts and uncles to balance things out and pitch in. I love my nieces and helping raise them, but I also love that I can "clock out" and have my me time.
Emotional_Signal7883@reddit
I'm not working all these hours to spend my money on some kid.
cubanito_nj@reddit
Annual_Monk_9745@reddit
I’m so grateful and relieved every day. For sooo many reasons. The state of the world, climate change (will these kids even have an Earth to live on?), the decline of public schools, the high costs of everything and the misery I see my girlfriends who are moms living. They all seem so tired and resentful of their husbands.
__Sentient_Fedora__@reddit
Didn't meet the right person to have kids with until we were both aged out of kids. No way i was having a kid randomly
FigSpecific6210@reddit
We feel like we barely have enough time to keep our own shit together… let alone be responsible for spawn. It’s not about the money, there’s just so many moving parts to keep track of in this age.
APFernweh@reddit
I am 44 and am never sad about it, ever. I do not enjoy children. Come what may.
DrierFish@reddit
I couldn't care less, don't even think about it.
Fit_Extent_1254@reddit
I dont have a spouse. Never have. I have also never wanted kids. Kids are gross and expensive and not as cute as literally any other animal on the planet.
I dont need to spread my DNA. I don't give a shit and my brother has two kids anyway and thats close enough.
calgmtl07@reddit
I became the incensed with strangers hounding my wife. Maybe we’re unable? Maybe it’s not something we wish to discuss? I had to eventually become firm with these randoms and then my circle that it was just not happening and to please stop asking. Enjoying watching my nephews and nieces grow.
VoddieMC@reddit
I love it. No regrets at all. Love my friends' kids because they're my friends' kids. I'm happy waking up when I want, doing what I want, and being held hostage by no one else's schedule. Wouldn't change it for the world
fermentedradical@reddit
Amazing. We travel internationally multiple times a year for a few weeks each time, domestically when we want to. We can go to restaurants whenever we like, make whatever meals we like, pursue hobbies; I can drink whenever and go out late with friends. I go to cultural events and get to do my political organizing. We own our own condo with no need to upgrade and, modest salaries, have a great retirement nest egg already in our mid-40s.
DirtyBirdDawg@reddit
Me and my GF are okay with that decision. More time and more money? I'll take that deal all day and twice on Sundays.
Not that kids can't be great, but for years people told me that I should have kids even if I didn't want them, which...no. Absolutely not. I know I would be a shit parent and any child would deserve better than me.
PinkyPretzel@reddit
The mind always finds a way to cope or adjust whether intentional or not.
Organic-lemon-cake@reddit
Awesome! No real regrets. Im sure there would have been great things about having kids but it’s also great not to have kids.
mikewilkinsjr@reddit
We are doing really well!
There are definitely moments where we have had to think differently about long term planning. Oddly, we were just talking about giving some family heirlooms to other siblings, on both sides, since we don’t have anyone to pass them down.
We are happy and living a very different life than we would have had with kids. Whether it’s better or worse is impossible to say without living the same life over again.
Kennikend@reddit
We don’t have any and enjoy our lifestyle. The only pang of sadness I feel is when I’m with my niece and nephew and wish they had cousins. The world is very different from what is was when I was a kid.
library_wench@reddit
We’re childfree by both circumstance and choice. I can’t have babies, and after much struggle and heartache to do so, who chose to pursue the childfree life rather than do it all over again by pursuing adoption or fostering.
It’s a grieving process, but like all grief, it lessens with time. We focus on our careers, our hobbies and passions, on being supportive family members and a great auntie and uncle. And with the world the way it is, there a lot to be said for this choice, even if it was partially made for us.
calitoasted@reddit
Not married but never wanted kids. Now I'm 45 and don't have them and it's great.
phillysleuther@reddit
My ex-boyfriend and I were supposed to be parents in 2002. But thanks to his side piece, I lost our 19 week daughter in utero in December 2001. I had a D&C. It went well, or as well as it could. He begged me to take him back, and I did… only for him to leave me for a 400 pound woman his age (he was 30, I was 24) who had 5 kids from 5 dads and her 15 year old was due in August. It was my 24th birthday when he left me.
I dated a lot after him, only to give up dating at 31. I met my now fiancé when I was 39. He was 40. We tried and tried to have kids. It never worked. But that’s better because I had a massive stroke when I was 44. I’m now 47 and I’m in heart failure. I was too late.
ObligationJumpy6415@reddit
Echoing the other replies. I sometimes think wow if I’d had kids at the time I wanted them, we’d have a high schooler right now 😶 and I’m really just so glad I’m not having to deal w a moody kid, school nonsense, etc., much less sending them out into this shit world at the moment.
WildRaspberry9927@reddit
I had the realization recently that i could be a grandmother right now. Many of my peers are parents but most had kids later on life so i don't know many grandparents my age. It is a sobering thought but I'm so grateful to be happily childfree.
SunnySouthDetroit@reddit
Very happy. I'm 48 so I skirt both Gen X and Xennials. I'm glad I have my time and my money just for me.
Cooper_Sharpy@reddit
What’s a spouse? Hahaha
RealSinnSage@reddit
i feel AMAZING! kids were not for me, at any time of my life. i’m very happy- taking care of myself better than ever before, taking and planning more trips. clean quiet beautiful home, time with friends and family, spiritual connection-very stoked on life.
OneManLost@reddit
I think it was the best choice for me. Even when I was young I knew I did not have what it takes to be a good dad. My decision to not have children was a heavy wedge between my ex-wife and I, she always wanted children. She did remarry and had a child. Not me m, I eventually just stopped dating, I'm never getting married again, so what's the point?
LambChop_Pet@reddit
Also feel great. 46 and happy with my/our choice. Life is stressful enough without dealing with/ worrying about kids. I don’t know how people do it.
justbecoolguys@reddit
We feel good about our decisions. I wouldn’t be particularly good at being a parent, and it would make me miserable. I am, however, a fantastic aunt. Kids need adults in their lives in addition to parents and those roles are important too (e.g., teachers, aunts/uncles, grandparents, mentors, etc.). Takes a village, etc.
throwsplasticattrees@reddit
It gets a little awkward with friends, I'll be honest. They are sharing their struggles to save their money to fund cars, college, and weddings, and I'm like "I'm not sure what to do with this pile of cash".
dominator5k@reddit
Best thing ever. The hard part is dating because so many women in my age group have kids and I absolutely don't want them.
ocvagabond@reddit
50 year old Xennials? Y’all are stretching this micro generation into a full blown one.
MTRIFE@reddit
Well I'm single. 43 m. It's the best. I like to sleep a lot. Plus I don't even have the money to do all the things I want to do. Where is the money to raise another life coming from? I don't even have enough money to be a dog owner.
Just got my vasectomy two months ago also. If my future is partner is reading this somewhere....I got us 😉
cutepicspls@reddit
I had never wanted kids but had a few years in my late 30’s where I surprised myself by feeling deep and painful regret. I questioned every decision I had made to wind up childless at 40. Then I entered my 40’s and realized I was still just living the life I always had been, doing the things that made me happy. Looking back, that “blip” didn’t represent how I felt about being a parent but was based in fear of missing out. Today, I’m so happy and grateful to be childfree. My husband and I have a beautiful life of peace, joy, comfort and choice. I wouldn’t change a thing. (and thank goodness I didn’t do anything rash during that blip!)
PacketFiend@reddit
I'm sick of the question. Just asking it implies that I'm somehow "not normal". It's insulting, and none of anyone's business why I chose not to have children. Just like it's none of my business how you raise the ones you have.
/end rant
cat_at_the_keyboard@reddit
I feel free! Never regretted it for a second.
porschephille@reddit
My wife is pregnant with our 8th at 41, I guess we are truly big to make up for those who decided not to have kids. Don’t worry, they are all quite intelligent and attractive, just no future athletes from us.
SubstantialDog9170@reddit
Our resolve for it grows more and more with every spontaneous weekend getaway or fun day of day drinking exploring a new place, or buying dumb things we don’t need because we have the extra money that’s not going to children’s clothes, shoes or activities.
Intelligent-Bed7284@reddit
Relieved! It’s stressful enough these days just the 2 of us.
anakusis@reddit
Awesome. I can pursue my arty dreams and enjoy my free time.
sarithe@reddit
We both still feel great about it. Probably helps that my sister has 6 kids so we get our fill of children during the holidays and when we visit otherwise.
Fresh-Toilet-Soup@reddit
I started late with children, just before 40.
As someone who was popular in highschool and heavily into athletics and misses the faded glory of my youth, Let me tell you, it feels good to have someone smaller and stupider living with me to pick on.
I feel like I get to relive my youth.
When he misbehaves, I get to "parent" him and feel that powerful feeling of my youth.
867-53-oh-nein@reddit
In addition to sounding like a giant douche for what you posted you also completely misread the prompt.
HappyChilmore@reddit
Partly glad considering the state of the world, partly sad at missing out.
segacs2@reddit
Grateful that I knew my own mind young enough that I was confident to be able to say I wanted to be childfree and resisted social pressure. The "oh, you say that now but you'll change your mind" crowd that had been so vocal since my 20s finally shut up somewhere around 2-3 years ago. (I'm 45.)
Lucky to have found an amazing husband who is on the same page as me.
Relieved that we're not trying to raise kids in this crazy world.
Happy to spend time with our nephew, nieces, and friends' kids... But just as happy to give them back afterwards. :)
Looking forward to upcoming travel plans. Enjoying life. Absolutely zero regrets.
full_of_ghosts@reddit
Yeah, I used two hear the "you'll change your mind" thing all the time too, and for a while, I even believed it. Once I realized I never would, my go-to response was "How presumptuous of you to think you know me better than I know myself."
I'm closing in on 50 and have never once second-guessed my decision. I don't think about it super often — being childfree isn't really at the forefront of my identity — but when I do, I'm just grateful that I had the self-awareness and wisdom to know I'd be happiest by deviating from The Script.
There was definitely a fork-in-the-road moment in my past where I could have easily gone the other way, because that's "just what you're supposed to do." I thank my lucky stars that I was smart enough not to. That life would have my e me miserable and resentful.
jelloslug@reddit
Just fine. We are both very happy with our decision. Kids are just not something that we wanted.
elmoosh@reddit
Relieved, mostly. From time to time there’s a twinge of “what if” but the main reasons why we decided not to go that route get more glaringly obvious by the day. So yeah, I mainly feel very relieved and grateful to my past self.
Designer-Bid-3155@reddit
Why do we need a spouse to be childfree and know how our lives are without children? A relationship of any kind or single isn't valid? I'm childfree and single very much by choice. I even rent a house because I don't want the responsibility. My life.... is AMAZING. Not having kids is easily the best decision I've ever made. 3 degrees, 3 certificates. Fulfilled and active life. Volunteer work, travel, crazy big social life. My life is fucking bomb. I see all the misery my friends with kids have, no fucking thanks. 🤘
HopelesslyHuman@reddit
We're just fine. We've never wanted kids, I got snipped a decade ago. Just not our thing.
DiaDeLosMuebles@reddit
Relieved. This world is getting worse by the day.
saltybruise@reddit
I feel great.