Expat parents, what was the hardest school-related adjustment your kids faced after moving countries?
Posted by Candid_Cut_7284@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 65 comments
For us, it wasn’t the language or the paperwork, it was realizing how different the school culture felt.
Everything from expectations, teaching style, homework load, even how teachers communicate… it was all new.
I’m curious what surprised other expat families the most.
What was the biggest “oh wow, this is NOT how things worked back home” moment for your kids?
Past-Echo3259@reddit
For us it was definitely language adjustment tbh. Kids pick things up but confidence can lag behind. We used novakid to supplement English and it helped bridge that gap a bit. Having a consistent routine outside school made a big diference.
Effective_Medium_306@reddit
Adjusting to a new education system while keeping up language skills was toughest for us. Our kids started losing their English after switching schools abroad. Novakid helped us maintain it—they do short online sessions that fit easily around school schedules. It kept them bilingual without extra pressure.
lulack-23@reddit
Just moved abroad, and our son’s having similar struggles. Thank you, we’ll look into this.
VagueEchoes@reddit
Probably get downvoted by Americans, but my kids were almost a full grade ahead of their peers when we moved from the UK to US school system. Our kids started school at age 4 (not Kindergarten like in the US). We wanted to enroll them in the local cache elementary school and the school Principal and Vice-Principal fought us on our kids education level stating it would be better for them to basically repeat a grade just to stay in the same age bracket, never mind it was repeating the same work they already aced.
We decided to enroll them in a private school instead and they allowed my oldest to take accelerated classes and recommended them for STEM programs at the local university for the summer even at the elementary grade levels.
We ended up moving back to Europe and my kids are on par with their peers here. We might end up moving back to the US in a year (not sure yet) and my oldest wants and education similar to the one here, but we cannot afford the private school tuition at the high school level.
As an example my oldest read The Great Gatsby, Invisible Man, Dune, Catcher in the Rye, 1984, and Slaughterhouse Five over summer break between 8th and 9th grade. Almost everyone else in his class did too.
imsurethatsright@reddit
To be fair to the US, education is very uneven across the states. When we moved from Pennsylvania to California when my youngest was in 4th grade, after about two weeks she asked if I was sure they had her in the 4th grade because they seemed about a year behind what she had been doing.
VagueEchoes@reddit
I totally agree here as well.
KeyMonkeyslav@reddit
US public schooling has been gradually degrading and rotting from the inside due to lack of funding and lack of respect, not to mention the blatant cultural rise of anti-intellectualism. Most adequate US teachers agree it's a shitshow. Most adequate parents also know it's an issue. Just look at what passes for education reform in Florida!
I'm glad you were at least able to find a private school that allowed your kids to continue their education unimpeded.
Sufficient-Stock483@reddit
A friend of mine avoided a lot of the usual school adjustment issues because their kids were in the French system (the AEFE network).
What’s cool is that the curriculum is basically identical everywhere, same year, same material, same schedule whether you’re in Paris, Dubai, or Tokyo.
So when they moved countries, the academic side was almost seamless. Obviously the social/cultural part still takes time, but the schoolwork didn’t change at all..
I think it makes a lot of sense..
Falafel80@reddit
Yeah, the social aspect can be tough! A friend tried to avoid major issues by sticking to one school system as well but chose the American School System because her family had lived in the US for a few years when her kids were young. In one European country they moved to, most kids were not expatriate but rich local kids and the de facto language everywhere but the classroom was the local language and not English. Her kids did eventually make friends but it was a very isolating experience, which I would have never guessed.
Maxorias@reddit
Yeah I've notices this also in the AEFE network. My kids haven't been affectes so far because they were bilingual to begin with but I can see that being an issue when we move.
Here there's less than 10% of native speakers in the entire school.
DifferentWindow1436@reddit
That's very strange. Was it officially the local language for instruction? If so, that should have been abundantly clear when they signed up for the school.
One thing I was surprised at was how much school demographics matter. I had expected more kids like my son - American/Japanese (or native English speaker/some Japanese). It's actually mostly longer term Asian kids (typically Korean and Chinese) and local Japanese in his school. So outside of the classroom (recess, lunch) it breaks along language lines.
Serious_Escape_5438@reddit
Why is it strange? Of course the kids speak their own language to each other.
DifferentWindow1436@reddit
Agh! You are right. I totally missed that it was " everywhere but the classroom" and then basically repeated the same experience in my comment. Edited.
Falafel80@reddit
The language of instruction is English. But not speaking the local language made it really hard to socialize with most kids because they were local and spoke that language outside the classroom. English was only spoken in the classroom, doing school activities but not during recess or outside school. There weren’t many kids (if any) from the same country as this family so it wasn’t like they could hang out with others who have the same mother tongue either. So yeah, demographics make a difference!
Candid_Cut_7284@reddit (OP)
Yeah that actually makes a ton of sense. Keeping the curriculum identical everywhere removes so much stress when families move around.
The social side will always take a bit to click, but at least the academics stay solid and predictable, that’s a huge win for kids and parents.
RespectSenior7492@reddit
Grading system between the U.S. and the NL is vastly different. Dutch teachers are notorious for rarely giving a perfect grade (a 10). A pass or sufficient is a 6/10. My mostly straight A kids suddenly getting 6-8s on exams and assignments was very hard at first.
Maxorias@reddit
I grew up in the French system and it's similar, no one has a perfect 20. I actually don't think it's a bad thing, the message is that there is always room for improvement even if you're very good. Anything above a 15/20 is actually really really good.
daeraye@reddit
Entitled American expat alert. One can defenitely get 10s for exams in the Netherlands (my kids did so frequently) if they make 0 mistakes, just accept their kids are not that exceptionally as smart as you thought they were.
palbuddy1234@reddit
Small thing. My son graded on his cursive skills. Bigger thing was the expectation of basically one stay at home/part time parent. We didn't sign him up in time so he had to come home every day from 11:30-1:30pm to eat lunch. I also had a 1 year old and her naptime was prolonged until 2pm. Wednesday no school at all. Then there are all the outings with lists of stuff to bring, or school supplies to find again after the start date so slippers, smocks and other school supplies weren't easily found in stores.
Local Swiss people sometimes have other parents look after their kids. There are after school programs, that we had to figure out how they work, where to sign up, where to pay, missed signups etc. But still with another kid in tow to pick him up from school, drop him off and deal with this difficult schedule.
There isn't a lot of pro-activity as in you pick him up after he fails which was difficult to adjust to. This year he has a very strange teacher telling him very strange things which we roll our eyes at, but accept.
My now 9 year old is doing quite well, my now 4 year old will probably be at an international school for various reasons.
Candid_Cut_7284@reddit (OP)
Yeah, this sounds so familiar. The schedule chaos alone can make it almost impossible for a family that doesn’t have a full-time stay-at-home parent.
What you said about “pick them up after they fail” really hits… it feels like the system isn’t designed around real life or real families at all.
I’m glad your 9-year-old is doing well now, but I totally get why you’d look at international schools for your youngest. Sometimes you just want a setup that actually supports the kids and the parents
Maxorias@reddit
Oh god yes, here they come out of school at 13h30, meaning you have to sort out childcare for half the day. Mine are at a bilingual school and the expectation is definitely that people are swimming in it and have hired help (most do).
And everyone is expected to own a car. I definitely stand out for not having one and we occasionally miss out because I can't be arsed to find transportation to the middle of nowhere. If it's somewhere we can go by bus that's fine, or if it's close enough to go on my bike, but otherwise screw it.
palbuddy1234@reddit
That's kind of it. For public schools and swiss assimilation in general, is it's on you. It's not accommodating and the foreigner isn't given the benefit of the doubt.
mydogismyfav@reddit
Wow I didn’t even realize that kids still came home for lunch in some countries! Absolutely would not work for working parents.
Serious_Escape_5438@reddit
Where I live they can but it's not common at all at my daughter's school, in more traditional rural areas it is, as grandparents are often nearby.
TechnicianMother7759@reddit
Ask fot Tagesmutter / Mittagstisch. Infos at Kesb, Tageselternverein or Family service
Aggravating_Ship5513@reddit
In France, not being able to meaningfully communicate with teachers and administrators. The philosophy here is "we know what we're doing with your kids, and you don't." Luckily our kids didn't have emotional, behavioral or learning issues because that would have been a disaster.
Beginning_Show7066@reddit
Yes, we left France before my kids were in the school system but my friends absolutely struggle with this too. Now I’m in the US where the communication is no -stop!
Maxorias@reddit
Interesting. I'm French but my kids haven't been to school in France yet, so far they've been in two different south american countries. It's hard to tell what feels different because part of it is them growing up, getting homework, etc, rather than just cultural differences. We're going back to France in a couple of years so we'll see how that goes.
As far as communication goes I've found it actually overkill here in SA. You get email for whatever small thing. But my kids don't have SEN so maybe I'd feel differently if they did.
Candid_Cut_7284@reddit (OP)
Yeah, I’ve heard this from a few parents and it sounds rough. That whole “we know best, no questions” vibe makes it almost impossible to actually support your kid properly.
Honestly, if anything was wrong, it feels like you’d only find out way too late, and that’s the scary part.
4E4ME@reddit
Interesting. Do French schools not conduct parent-teacher conferences?
Sufficient-Stock483@reddit
sure, I can see that being the case with the French system :(
palbuddy1234@reddit
Yes, that's a good one. A friend is British and worked in the French, public school system. Her methodology of practically using the information was scoffed at, as in you only learn theory. She was belittled at every chance by fellow teachers.
Business_Crew8295@reddit
We went to Grenada for a year in 2014 (sabbatical, not true expat), and that teachers still hit the kids for behavior. That and how much religion was part of school even though it was not a "religious" school.
I don't think this part was hard, but growth. They were in the minority and "poor" there as we were pinching pennies to volunteer.
The best part was my oldest son in grade 7 was taught CAD and advanced mathematics. He is now in Aerospace engineering at University.
falseinsight@reddit
US to UK - pathways are completely different. High school ends at 16 and then you go to Sixth Form (if applying to university) or college for a vocational track. I managed to figure out the lower grades without to much difficulty but I felt like there was a huge learning curve post-16.
When you go to uni, you apply to the programme (the subject course) rather than the university overall, so you're (with a few small exceptions) locked in to a particular course. You need to take A levels that will be accepted by the course, so you essentially decide what to major in when you're 16.
Candid_Cut_7284@reddit (OP)
the whole ‘pick your future at 16’ thing would stress me out heavy.
The UK system is like: hope you know exactly who you are by Tuesday.
The US → UK jump sounds like a massive mental switch.
Lower grades seem manageable, but after 16 it’s like the whole roadmap flips.
Did you feel pressured choosing your A-levels, or did you already kinda know what direction you wanted to go?
Serious_Escape_5438@reddit
You even have to choose GCSEs two years earlier.
North_Artichoke_6721@reddit
I was the kid in this scenario and the biggest adjustment for me was the class size. My school in the USA had over 550 kids per grade, over 2,200 in the high school - and the building was massive. I didn’t know most of my classmates, outside of my small group of friends. When we had elections for student council, I just picked a name at random because I didn’t recognize any of the people on the ballot.
My school abroad was tiny. There were 22 kids in my graduating class. The entire high school was under 100 people. My math class had 6 kids in it. Everyone knew everyone (a little too well) and we knew our teachers quite well too. There was not much in the way of electives or extracurriculars, beyond the basics.
Serious_Escape_5438@reddit
That's not a difference between countries though, that's urban/rural or just school type.
Dry-Huckleberry-1984@reddit
Depends on where in the US. My HS class had I think 50 graduates and we were a BIG year. Most are 20-30. Somehow we still had a lot of sports (not swimming or football, but a larger neighbouring school had an agreement for kids to go there for those if they wanted) and a lot of other clubs like band and theater. Those sorts of activities aren’t done as part of your school in Belgium, extracurricular activities are separate.
mom2twins09@reddit
We are from the US and my kids have gone to public school in both France and Scotland. My twins both have special needs. My son has autism and ADHD. My daughter has ADHD and a learning disability.
In Scotland, my kids received a great education and special education assistance. My kids actually thrived better than they did in their US schools. When we moved to France, my kids actually regressed. We were there 3.5 years and I had to fight for disability assistance that never came. Instead, my kids were bullied by the teachers and made fun of in front of the entire class. My daughter was called stupid in front of other students by teachers. Granted both my kids are B2 French and did remarkably well in terms of speaking and writing in French. Passed all of their DEFL tests on the first try.
My daughter was bullied by other students from the get go at their school. Had sand poured into her hair. She is mixed with curly hair and I had to take her to the salon to fix her hair. She received death threats and the school did not bring in the authorities. I went on my own and the authorities refused to do anything. My daughter was made to still be in the same school with the person who made those threats. My daughter was suicidal. We left this year after what happened.
But also, the French school systems are antiquated. My kids were in 9th grade and the school did not even teach them how to write an essay or a research paper. I was completely baffled how far behind my kids actually are when they returned to homeschooling this year.
We are headed back to Scotland for my schooling and they are not happy to be headed back to a school system they thrived in.
Candid_Cut_7284@reddit (OP)
Damn… that’s heartbreaking.
No parent should have to watch their kids go through that and definitely not deal with teachers bullying them on top of everything else. The death threats, the sand in the hair, the complete lack of support… that’s rough on a level most people never see.
What makes it even crazier is that your kids were actually doing well academically and still got treated like that.
Scotland sounds like a completely different world in comparison, proper support, proper care, and a school environment where they could actually breathe and grow.
I’m honestly glad you guys are heading back there.
Kids deserve to feel safe first, before anything else.
How are they feeling now that they know they’re going back to the place where things actually worked for them?
mom2twins09@reddit
I agree with everything you have said! Kids should absolutely feel safe!
My kids are actually doing so much better since they found out we are headed back. I could the relief wash over their faces, especially my daughter's. I'm still going to have them continue learning French, because they were doing so well and it opens doors for them. They both said they have absolutely no desire to ever return to France again and I do not blame them whatsoever.
ContributionSlow6391@reddit
That’s very sad to go through. But I’m happy to hear good things about Scotland and the school system. We are also from the US, and looking to move to Scotland next year. I have 4 children, currently ranging from 7-14 years old. Where about in Scotland did you live?
mom2twins09@reddit
We lived in St. Andrews from w019 - 2021. We will be moving to Aberdeen next month. What about you?
Scotland is amazing compared to the US. I know another American family from the US, also in St. Andrews and her 3 kids are thriving in Scotland too. It must be something in the water with that place with its healing powers 😆.
nefariousmango@reddit
My youngest has hearing loss and some kind of learning disability (actually doing diagnostic testing next week). In the USA she scored a couple points above the cut off for in school support, so we assumed it would be the same here in Austria.
Cut to me getting lectured by the Direktorin for not doing the right paperwork, which means she can only have an hour a week with the speech therapist. I feel awful that she had two years without any support because I made an assumption, and we've had a series of interim Direktorin until this year.
mom2twins09@reddit
It's crazy because you move abroad and they just expect you to know everything little paperwork that needs to be completed. Yet, they do not provide a clear path of where to find the information. Its an endless cycle of confusion. Thats how it was in France. We dealt with none of that in Scotland, they just started helping them from the start. It was amazing and refreshing.
butternutsquashed42@reddit
This sounds heartbreaking
UnicornFartIn_a_Jar@reddit
We left Denmark for the UK. A lot of things are very different, kids start school at 6 in Denmark and at 4 in the UK so my 4 years old had to start learning to write, read, count etc instead of enjoying endless playtime. My eldest was in year 3 but started in year 5 here straight away. She did a brilliant job and caught up by the end of the year. We also had no idea that they start secondary school after year 6…and she wasn’t so happy about having homework as that wasn’t really a thing in Denmark where they also had way more group and project work than here where test weeks are regular (they never had tests in Denmark). But to be honest she fits in brilliantly and achieved a lot more than she did in a very relaxed environment before. Language wasn’t an issue as all our kids spoke English.
Candid_Cut_7284@reddit (OP)
Wow that’s a massive jump for both of them.
Going from Denmark’s chill, play-heavy vibe to the UK’s ‘alright let’s get serious’ at age 4 must’ve been a shock.
But crazy how quickly kids adapt, especially your eldest jumping straight into Year 5 and catching up in a year. Respect to her.
Sounds like the structure + tests were a big change, but also pushed her in a good way.
Did she end up actually liking the more structured system after a while, or is it still a love/hate thing?
UnicornFartIn_a_Jar@reddit
It was definitely a big jump for our younger daughter. She adapted but to be honest, I don’t think this system suits her, she’s a free spirit who’d need more playtime and wandering around in forests like they did in Denmark 😅 she’s doing well academically but I think the pressure is too high on 6 years old here. My eldest is thriving in this environment, but also because she gained a lot of useful skills in Denmark, like leadership and teamwork. This gives her an edge and often praised by teachers to be a good team mate and always helping others. She’s a high achiever and this education system rewards her for hard work. In Denmark it wasn’t like this so she was actually not motivated to do more than required (which was quite little to be honest) All in all I think she likes the structure, even enjoys tests and pushing herself to improve all the time
Unable_Tumbleweed364@reddit
I moved to the US so them doing drills is the hardest adjustment for me. Otherwise smooth sailing for them.
Candid_Cut_7284@reddit (OP)
Haha I can imagine. The US loves a good drill for everything.
Glad it’s been smooth though, sometimes the parents take longer to adjust.
What kind of drills are the ones that still catch you off guard?
yellowyn@reddit
They are probably referring to school shooting drills
Candid_Cut_7284@reddit (OP)
Ahhhhh
_Smedette_@reddit
We moved from the US to Australia. There are some differences, but nothing extreme. Australian schools (largely) do not provide lunches or have cafeterias - the kids sit on the ground outside to eat. We were surprised to only get educational feedback/grades twice per year, but I think the frequency of this varies by location.
Candid_Cut_7284@reddit (OP)
Interesting! Australia sounds like a mix of familiar but still a bit different.
The whole ‘kids sit outside to eat’ thing would definitely catch me off guard at first, and only getting feedback twice a year… yeah, that would take some getting used to.
Did your kids enjoy the more relaxed vibe, or did they prefer the structure in the US?
sherpes@reddit
In the USA, kids change class every hour. In Italy, professors change class every hour. Lockers in the hallway is a American thing
Candid_Cut_7284@reddit (OP)
Ah that’s actually pretty cool, never thought about it that way.
The whole ‘teachers move, not students’ thing would feel so strange if you grew up in the US system.
And yeah, lockers in the hallway… that’s peak American TV energy.
Did it take you a while to get used to the Italian setup or did it just feel normal after a bit?
Blind_clothed_ghost@reddit
Style and bullying
In NZ many schools use open plan learning and it doesn't suit my kid at all. Class becomes.a free for all. I'm basically home schooling my kid every night because he isn't taught anything
Teachers and administration say the right things about bullying but do nothing to stop it. Thankfully my kid isn't really bullied much but what he says other kids goes through sounds terrible.
LibrarianByNight@reddit
Same as you- the culture. We moved from the US to Denmark and thought the international school my daughter is in feels familiar, my son's school is so different. Just today, when I picked him up from SFO (after school), I couldn't find him anywhere and none of the staff had any idea where he was. This is quite a common occurrence in folkeskole. There's also not much emphasis on academics at his age (7). There's a lot more independence with lots of outdoor time and fewer expectations in terms of academics.
The way kids get to school is so different too. Because they are neighborhood schools, most kids ride their bikes. No yellow school bus. My son rides his bike and my daughter takes the train.
Kiwiatx@reddit
I moved a 7 & 9 yo from a very diverse State Primary School in Central London to a smaller private grade 1-8 Elementary/Middle School.
At that age the transition was pretty easy, I think they got a better math education and were both advanced when they started HS.
At HS I was grateful for less exams & pressure to decide what subjects they wanted to study at College which U.K. kids have to do by around 16. They still took AP’s and graduated with some College credits.
Getting my head around College choices and applications and FAFSA & student loans was a bit mind boggling.
FrauAmarylis@reddit
My friend’s kid had bullies. They changed schools and it’s better but their kid used to love school in their home country and in another country. But. Ot where they are now.
mom2twins09@reddit
Came here to say this too
Candid_Cut_7284@reddit (OP)
Bullies is such a big thing in so many schools.
FISunnyDays@reddit
We had a short window for relocation and didn’t get the opportunity to do the due diligence we would normally do for placing our child in a private/independent school. We interviewed, did placement exam etc but once my child started, we realised the school isn’t particularly academically challenging/pushing kids beyond just taking the national exams. I tried discussing it with teachers and administrators but the school just wasn’t a good fit. We looked at other schools and did shadow/taster days and transferred to one that my child is much happier at but it did cost us because we didn’t want to wait.