Moved abroad and having negative strong emotions, help needed
Posted by Head_Being_4926@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 36 comments
I (24M) just moved to Bangkok yesterday and today is my first day in Bangkok. As soon as I landed and got to my room, I had really strong and intense feelings and anxiety. I am constantly doing breathing exercises to calm my mind which is helping me a lot temporarily. But, I do have these feelings back again after a while.
I work from home and I have no relatives or friends here except one. Since I work from home, I am not going to meet people naturally. I am also not tied to this city physically as I work from home. I am feeling really lonely, anxious, hopeless and just really drained. I don't even seem to have energy to do the laundry or go out to eat. I have really strong emotions inside and I don't know how to deal with those.
I am already thinking about moving back home. If I move back instantly, I will lose deposit and rent. Given my emotional state of mind, I don't really seem to care that much. But, I also tell myself to give it a week before making any major decisions.
I feel like I really need someone. Just anyone who would understand me. Is there anyone who has been in my situation? What do I do? What advise do you guys have for me? Please, don't skip this as I really need advise from you guys.
Swaggycv@reddit
This happened to me once when I came to Mexico at 19 years old. It was my first time leaving my mom’s house. And after being raised in USA, not only leaving the nest but switching to a country where I knew no one was very daunting. Culture shock happens. I’d say take it day by day don’t throw in the towel quite yet. Perhaps try a co working space to socialize with people once you’re ready. Join a muay thai gym. There might also be some jet lag that’s making you feel drained as well. Give it a month and if you feel better than today a month from now it should only get easier. If in a month you feel the same or worse then go back home. Home is what you make it.
JinxedKing@reddit
If it’s been a day you are most likely suffering from both jet lag and culture shock. Our brains are designed to keep us alive, and routines and familiarity are what tell our brains that we are safe. Getting rid of those, and your brain is scared and worried about surviving.
Like others have said, take some time and surround yourself with familiar foods and stimulus. Drink water, get some sun, and sleep. Your brain will calm down, and you will be fine. One day at a time.
Building a life in another country takes time, and effort which you will have the energy to do once you feel safe.
You can do this! Cheers
wisdom1206@reddit
I've lived in many different countries as an expat, and even though I always had a husband and kids ( who disappear straight to work, or school) I totally get how you are feeling. Focus on why you chose this destination in the first place. Go and have an amazing Thai facial. Pamper yourself. Get some delicious food and make yourself familiar with the area. I've been many times to Thailand and people are so friendly. But the one thing you need to always tell yourself: I can go home whenever I want to. This is just a new experience in all the experiences you are going to have in your life. Just breathe, focus on all the nice things (tropical fruit for example) and you will be totally fine. Everything you feel is normal and is overwhelming right now, but that's OK. Please send an update if you decide to stay! Btw. You might want to check expat groups on fb and get in touch!! You are not alone❤️
burein2@reddit
First day I arrived in my new country, I sat down and bawled my eyes out uncontrollably, and I’m not a crier. I had never felt such anxiety. I was really confused as to why I’m feeling this way even though this was all I ever wanted.
I just want you to know that what you’re describing is 100% normal. People talk about culture shock but you don’t really hear how intense it actually is. Your nervous system is in panic mode, and it’ll take your body some time to realize that it’s safe.
Don’t force yourself to do anything, in fact going outside or eating new things can further trigger your anxiety. So just do something familiar, like watching TikTok under a blanket, or calling a family member, or eating something you enjoyed back home. You’ll start feeling better with every passing day. Hang in there.
Head_Being_4926@reddit (OP)
How long does it take? I am glad to know that someone has been threre too. These emotions are really intense and I feel so anxious and all I can think about now is running back to my home where I feel really comfortable.
Natural_Parsnip_3291@reddit
It takes time! I used to get anxious because I didn't have a any friends, then making friends was hard because I was anxious which trigger a bit of a doom loop haha. But in the end you just have to get yourself out there and it's all part of the growth process and it's totally worth it
burein2@reddit
It’s been less than 2 months for me and I already feel much better. The only thing I’m not used to yet is my job.
Every person’s situation is different. I don’t know your circumstances, but a good advice I received is setting a trial period for yourself, like “if I’m not feeling better after 3 months I’ll go back home”. It’ll remind you that you’re not stuck there and the option to go back home is always there.
Head_Being_4926@reddit (OP)
For now, I feel like even 1 week is too much. I don't know how to proceed forward. I am just trying to survive every minute
Present-Carob-7366@reddit
Why did you pick Bangkok? Something must have appealed - lean into whatever that was / is
Head_Being_4926@reddit (OP)
Not that I had many options. This is the closest to home and a lot of people from my home country are here, but I have no friends or true connections here
x0_Kiss0fDeath@reddit
I'm slightly confused. Did you need to move for work or for another reason? You sat you didn't have many options and this is why you picked Bangkok but I'm wondering if there is a detail you might've missed out by mistake to explain why you needed to move abroad in the first place (as you mention working from home and - in another comment - that you're not really interested in learning Thai at this point in time).
You won't have any friends or true connections after Day 1, but this will come with time**. Maybe try finding a Facebook, website, or Reddit group for expats from your home country in Bangkok? It's what I did when I first moved to the UK. Even without attending physical meetups, it can just be nice to talk to people who understand the creature comforts you miss from home and the shared experiences you have of moving.
Unless you're job/schooling is dependent on living there, just remember you can always leave if/when you want to. All that will be lost is money, but I personally would suggest giving it at least 1 month of an honest effort to settle in before leaving so you don't regret it in future of what could've been.
**this doesn't come if you don't put in effort.
suddenly_kitties@reddit
Myanmar? Plenty of community here, start small by going out for some comfort food and a drink at one of the many excellent places opened up by the diaspora over the last couple of years.
Merouxsis@reddit
Hey, I'm 24 and moving to colombia in 2 months with pretty much no connections down there, no job. All I'm taking is a good amount of savings, some clothes, a camera, my laptop, and my social skills. I feel the same way and I haven't even got there yet
If you find an answer, let me know lol .
Pecncorn1@reddit
Do you speak Spanish? Colombia can be very tricky even with the language. I lived there for two years and am fluent. Just keep in mind things are hard for many Colombians, even harder for them now than when I was living there. Good luck, I hope it is all you want it to be.
Head_Being_4926@reddit (OP)
Sure, we can connect and share our experiences. I think having someone who I can openly talk about will help a lot.
Minskdhaka@reddit
Maybe give it a few months to a year before you decide to move back. Secondly, if you work from home, it doesn't mean you can't make friends. I'm sure you don't work the entire time that you're awake. So take some of that time and use it to explore the city and attend events (you can probably find a whole bunch through FB events or Eventbrite).
FlashpackerPosts@reddit
You just got there! It’s called jet lag. Take a nap, drink a lot of water, watch a movie and acclimate. Then find a coworker spot where you can go and be around other people and meet folks. Don’t panic. You got this.
Andrei_Khan@reddit
When I moved to Spain, I got scammed by my first landlord and my friend who came with me heavily relied on me and didn't try to do anything himself. Plus I shared the room with him and he was the biggest snorer I've ever seen so I couldn't sleep at all for a week. I got an immense panic attack. I consider myself to be a resilient person but I couldn't function at all and even thought of killing myself. I tried to reach out to psychiatrists but every hospital was fully booked except for ER. So eventually, I had to come back at the expense of everything I invested there. When you're in an emotional crisis, you can't think logically, and the feeling that you shouldn't be like that makes it even worse. You can just stay in your room the entire day and rest your body and mind. Don't pressure yourself to feel better or do something at the moment. If you have psychiatrists or therapist options, then seek them. And know that there's always an option of coming back cuz nothing matters more than your mental peace.
twodixoncider@reddit
Give yourself some time - you’re gonna be okay. Moving abroad can be scary. I think most of us have been there. Try to build a little routine. Find your favorite cafe and eating spots and shopping malls, maybe get a gym membership if you can. Don’t forget to FaceTime family and friends. Take advantage of the technology we have. Meetup.com is a great place to meet people. You can do a “language exchange” (really just a place to make friends).
ComprehensiveTill535@reddit
Bangkok is one of the friendliest places I've ever been to. Just drag yourself to a meetup or language exchange and you'll make friends.
Head_Being_4926@reddit (OP)
Do you have any particular examples of meetups or language exchange groups? Where can I find them?
ComprehensiveTill535@reddit
When I was there i used meetup.com and internations.
pkgriff@reddit
I've not lived abroad but I've lived in 9 states in the US where I've moved by myself and I know how it feels to be lonely. You're doing something brave and exciting that I still dream of, even though I'm almost out of time to do it. Please give it a little time. I read a lot of travel sites and advice and what you are feeling is very common. I moved out to WY once and I called my friends back in PA and VA crying all the time. But I ended up making a good friend there, falling in and out of love, and I used it as a jumping off point to move to Alaska (where I was lonely at first, too). However, if a place isn't right, it just isn't. There's no shame in trying again later or trying a different thing. I hope that helps a little.
Head_Being_4926@reddit (OP)
Yeah, this is my 3rd time moving to this country and I don't feel any better. I moved back home last time twice as well. Main difficulty is language barrier and feeling too different. I don't seem to want to fall in/out of love with the people who don't speak the language I do. I don't want to use google translate all the time. I feel like even one or two true connections will make a huge difference.
pkgriff@reddit
Why do you go there? I mean, is it something you have to do for work? If you just want to travel, have you tried other places? I think if you've already gone back twice then it's probably the wrong place for you.
Head_Being_4926@reddit (OP)
I move there because my country is not in good condition and this seems like the only place I can easily move to due to several reasons. I don't have work here and I like travelling. But, only to explore and not to live permanently.
pkgriff@reddit
Give it a few days. Eat some food and chill. Stay hydrated. Then look online for a meet up or expat group near you. Explore, without putting pressure on yourself to accomplish something or make "contacts". I bet if you did a little research there's somewhere else you could try. My favorite quote is: Be bold, the mighty forces will come to your aid.
Hang in there. You're brave. The right situation will come along, you just have to be open to it.
No_Yogurtcloset_7831@reddit
Why didn't you think it through then, before you made the decision to move there and work from home? Loneliness ain't for everybody
USAJerry@reddit
You just got there yesterday. Did you have these same feelings prior to moving to Bangkok. If you did, was there something that spurned you into moving? Maybe you shouldn’t have moved if you aren’t emotionally able to handle it and allowed yourself to feel anxious after one day.
Cassietgrrl@reddit
Hello OP. It looks like you’ve moved abroad before, and had similar feelings to what you’re experiencing right now.
What I’m gathering is that you have a lot of anxiety about what you are “supposed” to be doing, and that living in your home country you were not advancing your life like you felt you were expected to. My question to you is, if you put those thoughts aside, what makes you happy? What do you think would be joyful and meaningful activities that you could build a life around?
Wizerud@reddit
Have you been there before? Why did you even move there?
Head_Being_4926@reddit (OP)
I have been here twice. This is my third time. I came here hoping to have a better life because my life back in my home country feels stagnant and hopeless about my future without my social life.
But, here, I no longer have my family, comfort and support system and everything else still remains the same. I have no social circles or friends. Except back in my home country, I have my family and cat.
Wizerud@reddit
On your previous two visits, did you ever ask yourself how you would feel about living there without any access to your family other than phone/video calls and texts? Because I'd guess most people would know what their answer would be before even moving, whether it's ranging from "I don't give a shit" to "omg I can't live without them".
masegesege_@reddit
It’ll get better.
You’ll need to make a bit of an effort to meet people though. Do you speak Thai? If not maybe take a class or look for language exchange. Does Meetup or FB have any groups for gatherings?
It’s all stuff work trying.
Head_Being_4926@reddit (OP)
I don't speak Thai and don' think I want to learn for now because I am juggling between work and school, both online. I seem to be craving connections from my home country.
Odd_Coast9645@reddit
I think nobody ever made such a ridiculous decision to move back home after a few hours of arriving. Download Grab and order some food. Bangkok is still one of the best cities in the world. There are so many places that are not crowded with people. Take a trip to Bang Saen to the beach if it's about anxiety because of so many people.