Returning back to the US
Posted by Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 73 comments
Hi everyone,
I guess I’m just looking for a “it will be ok”.
I have been living overseas for 7 years now. Grew up outside of Boston, moved to Washington DC for 3 years, New Zealand for 5 and now Spain for just over 2 years. While I have loved our time over seas (we have preferred New Zealand), it is coming to an end. My mom is unwell and we are broke in Spain. So we have made the tough decision to move back to Boston. When I left the US I was a totally different person. I was in my 20s, single. I met my husband in New Zealand (Hes Irish), and we had our son in Spain who is 16 months now.
Life is good here, though not perfect. We have good healthcare, 365 days of sunshine and safety and security. Though money is very very tight.
I am so anxious for the move with how things are there right now, especially with an immigrant husband. Please help reassure me. Like I said, we have to move, between my mom and our inability to sustain ourselves long term.
Affectionate-Use-305@reddit
Sorry for your mom. You said your husband is Irish, so I just make the assumption that he’s white. In this case , you will be fine with the immigrants part. (It’s sad) But if money is tight while you have free healthcare, what’s your plan after coming back? I live in New England, it’s probably gonna be a brutal winter.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
The problem is the low salaries here.
seachimera@reddit
The cost of living is very high in the Boston area. Are you going to be able to find work that will sustain you there?
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
I’m sure I will. I have a masters degree
seachimera@reddit
…ok…
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
My point is that I’m well educated and if you don’t understand the Spanish labour market it won’t make sense
seachimera@reddit
Ah. I was living in the San Francisco area where I knew people with Masters degrees who were also homeless. So, you know, in the US a graduate degree does not equal solvency.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
I was a teacher, my husband is a teacher. Teacher Salaries in Massachusetts are pretty decent.
seachimera@reddit
OK, well good luck. I hope you are able to find jobs, support yourself and are safe from ICE.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
Thanks for the support. Hopefully I can get back before my mom passes. Your comment is very comforting… sarcasm
seachimera@reddit
Are you not aware of how bad things are in the US right now? Like— seriously, the raids? The violence?
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
I know, I grew up there and lived there until I was 25. I got my masters degree in the US.
Akeevo@reddit
Boston is a premier city, but cost of living is very high, especially in Bison proper. MA has top ranked schools though, and teacher salaries are higher than average. You can save a ton of money by living just outside of Boston or by taking advantage of affordable housing programs.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
Thank you. My husband is a teacher. I was a teacher before having my son, went back for a few months, not for me anymore. Looking to do something else when we move.
Akeevo@reddit
No problem. New England as a whole is the best place to raise a family in the U.S. It’s extremely safe and quality of life is very high compared to the rest of the country. Boston is stacked with universities, hospitals, museums, nonprofits, public agencies, etc. so the skies the limit with how you pivot your life personally.
The reverse culture shock is real though, and the weather won’t be nearly as nice as Spain, although New England has its own kind of charm and I prefer having four seasons personally.
seachimera@reddit
I grew up north of Boston and my life was filled with violence. I don't think you can make a statement "It’s extremely safe and quality of life is very high" unless its referring to a person of great privilege and who has sociopolitical power that is aligned with the current political structure.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
Can’t argue that it is one of the safest cities in the country though.
seachimera@reddit
You are telling me that Boston is one of the safest cities in the US? What metrics are you basing that evaluation on? What studies are you using for evidence?
My father worked in criminal reform in Essex county from the 1970s to 2010. Based on his knowledge and experience, its not the safest city in the US.
Essex isn't Boston, but its Boston ajacent and he was well networked.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
Try Google… lol it comes up on nearly every website listing the safest cities in the US
seachimera@reddit
Omg. Do you not even have a clue about how to verify information? Google search results is your data? You’re a teacher? I’m so glad I don’t have kids because the world is over.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
😂
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
The winters will be rough for sure but the area is built for it- heating, indoor play places, etc. nothing beats a New England fall.
kostac600@reddit
where did you live in New Zealand? What were the pros and cons?
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
Auckland. I loved New Zealand. Fresh air, nature close by , but also you’re also in the city. Stunningly beautiful. People from all over the world. More relaxed pace of life.
Cons: very expensive and salaries don’t always match up. Though as a teacher I did much better there than in Spain. It can be very isolating. Long flights to get anywhere. Even Australia is a 4 hour flight. It didn’t bother me until about 4 years in when I had explored every inch of New Zealand.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
Oh, also the healthcare isn’t that great.
elevenblade@reddit
I’ve been living in Sweden since 2017 but visit the USA at least a couple of times per year. It seems to me that the stress level of the average American has risen quite a bit over that time. I’m seeing people road raging on freeways and surface streets like never before and I’ve seen meltdowns in stores that I can’t recall ever seeing in the past.
I’m also acutely aware of the lack of decent bicycle infrastructure and consideration for others in public spaces, like standing on the right side of the escalator, making room for people to exit from things like elevators and buses, and not stopping and blocking pedestrian choke points. There seems to be a lot more “main character syndrome” and lack of regard for others than what I’ve become accustomed to in Sweden.
seachimera@reddit
I couldnt agree with you more.
BuyHigh_S3llLow@reddit
Don't worry, the rise of MAGA and nationalism in the US is only targeting non-white immigrants, your husband should be okay (assuming he's native white irish)
seachimera@reddit
It's affecting everyone-- its affecting entire communities, the economy, the schools, the arts...its not happening in a bubble "to others".
Zestyclose-Coffee709@reddit
Nah they're grabbing white folks too but the news only shows non white to keep folks apathetic
theytookallthecash@reddit
Except Europeans have already been caught in the dragnet. Not to mention he's the wrong type of white European. Let's not pretend it's fine.
itsmestk@reddit
At least you’re going back to Boston and not Arkansas or Alabama.
seachimera@reddit
What does that mean?
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
But if I was from one of those I probably wouldn’t have left 🤣 and if I did I would be happy to go back right now
seachimera@reddit
Are you planning on staying in MA indefinitely or just for the duration of your parent's time of need?
I hope it will be OK--
We left the US because we were never going to be able to retire there. We moved to my spouse's country of origin for our remaining work years and to be in a country that takes care of its citizens (all of its citizens). We also left because we were worried about the political climates and my spouse's ability to stay long term. He has dual citizenship but we are not optimistic about that being a safeguard going forward.
I grew up north of Boston...
Wanderinghome1111@reddit
You will be fine. How fine depends on your expectations, or the lack of them. You are a different person now and the US is a different country. You will spend the rest of your life looking at where you are through a new lens. No place will feel like home in the way you grew up with. This can be good or bad. Depends on you. You will set the new frame for "home", even in the place you grew up calling home. Grow the peace of home in your own heart and in your little family, and you will always be home. - Words of experience from a salty old expat of decades. 😁
FrauAmarylis@reddit
Be sure for both of you to prepare mentally for the Reverse Culture Shock for you and the Stuck between two places feeling of expat Life.
https://www.now-health.com/en/blog/culture-shock-stages/
https://traphil.com/2020/10/26/the-expat-dilemma-when-we-are-stuck-between-two-worlds/
A lot of Expats leaving Spain in 2 years.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
Thank you. Yeah, definitely experienced that when we moved from New Zealand to Spain.
Spanish salaries are very low and the cost of living is a lot higher than it used to be. A teacher in my town at the international school makes 1800/month and the cost of an apartment is minimum 1000.
ritaq@reddit
Gross or after taxes? I was aware of very low salaries for teachers in Spain in private international schools, but I did not know it was that low
Public schools are definitely much better for teachers in terms or salaries and work conditions
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
After taxes. Yeah, it’s bad.
Leading_Homework3679@reddit
And it’s funny because 1800 a month in Spain is considered a very good salary. I know some people who would even consider that great. My husband is Spanish and we’ve been trying to move back for 10 years now. It’s impossible with the Spanish job market and stagnant salaries.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
Yet it’s below national average??
Leading_Homework3679@reddit
Is it? I haven’t even looked into the national average because everyone I know makes between 1200-2000 a month. I just think of that as the average lol.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
Yeah average is about 28k a year and my husband is on 24
Leading_Homework3679@reddit
That’s pretty crazy. Most people I know don’t make 28k a year. But even so, 28k is nothing when mortgages or rent is so high.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
After taxes. Yeah, it’s bad.
Tardislass@reddit
Your husband is Irish and I’m assuming white and Trump loves European white foreigners. He should be fine though I’d be more worried about visa applications during a government shutdown.
Secondly, Boston is a very liberal city and there are a ton of Irish expats groups around there for meetups watching football games etc. Honestly you will be okay. Your experience is privileged in many ways by the simple fact your husband isn’t dark. Boston is a wonderful area to grow up and despite what the foreign news says there are a lot of friendly people around.
You will be happy to have shared time with your mom.
Zestyclose-Coffee709@reddit
All facts there !!
Academic-Balance6999@reddit
You will be fine. We moved back (to California) in July after 6 years in Switzerland. I miss the great public transportation and being in the center of Europe. But otherwise it’s actually nice to be back. I’m enjoying the greater variety of food, how open and friendly everybody is, and being close to family. America is MESSED UP right now politically but it’s not like your living in the center of a news story. The worst stuff, while very very bad, won’t necessarily affect your day to day, although inflation is definitely noticeable. It just feels like… life.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
Thanks, that’s actually really helpful to hear from someone whose moved back
Academic-Balance6999@reddit
You will experience culture shock. But the weirdness of Costco and the Trader Joe’s parking lot fades quickly and it just becomes… grocery shopping.
hot_tuna_@reddit
Hey! I'm in a similar situation, just submitted my apartment termination this week. I'm currently in Munich and have not properly lived in MA since 2013! I'm from central MA and never lived in/near Boston before, so I'm trying to focus on positive new experiences like that. Send me a DM if you'd like to connect - I think spending time around others with a "similar" background might help ease the transition :)
K_in_Belgium@reddit
It's hard living abroad with a parent unwell and I don't blame you for returning home. Hope everything turns out OK.
Make sure you begin the visa process ASAP as it is a bit chaotic now regarding this procedure.
Luckily you're returning to the Boston area with a high quality of life though very, very expensive. If you need to secure housing, it is a very tight market so you should do that soon. Being Irish your husband will be welcomed in Boston with so many people of Irish descent. In general MA is welcoming to immigrants but ICE is still a threat. It's scary times indeed.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
We are planning to live at my grandfathers houses for a while we find jobs, Hes in a nursing home so it’s just sitting empty.
theytookallthecash@reddit
I would just plan to stay there honestly, if you can. Boston is probably one of the best places to move right now but the affordability factor is insane.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
I would love that but I’m sure the house is in the will to his kids and I don’t really want to get in between that mess
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
Sorry should have said about the visa-
We had started 2 years ago, got to the stage of them accepting my petition about a year ago. When it got accepted, my mom was doing better so we decided to “put it on hold”. Our lawyer advised we just upload some piece of evidence every few months to keep it active. Fast forward to this summer and my mom took a turn again, so we are now resuming to the process again, so hoping it won’t take too long now.
ith228@reddit
It’ll be fine. Ignore the people telling you to stay in Spain, they don’t realize you can’t even make €2000 a month as a teacher (I saw your post history), and expenses are the same. You cannot live on a Spanish salary, living there will ruin you financially.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
It’s not even that far below the average Spanish salary of €28,000 😅
ritaq@reddit
Where in Spain do you get 365 days of sun?! Ceuta? Melilla? Lanzarote or Fuerteventura?
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
Javea. It will rain a bit in the winter but not for more an a half hour or so
Prestigious_Memory75@reddit
My condolences. For everything. Moving back might be the worse option.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
The best of the worst I suppose
Constantia789@reddit
Im sorry about your mom. Confronting our parents mortality as an expat is just awful. also from Boston, have lived abroad for 14 years, I have two kids, an Italian husband and my mom is also unwell. We are looking to move back as soon as I can secure a job there. I miss my family, I miss home, I want my kids to have a « normal » life where they don’t move around all the time, and frankly, I’m just over expat life. Boston is so progressive, it’s a scary time for the US but places like Boston are almost more galvanized and liberal given everything going on. There will be loads of ways for you to get involved in causes that are important to you. Childcare and health insurance are the main things I can think of that you will need to sort out, but Im sure you already thought of this. If you are going to live in metro Boston then you could get your son in 3K hypothetically once he is three.
If the visa isn’t approved yet you could ask your lawyer about your spouse entering on a B1/B2 (this lets you stay for up to six months as opposed to the ESTA which is 90 days) so long as he intended to return to Ireland or wherever for the actual visa processing once the greencard was ready. This could mean temporary separation but you could maybe travel sooner. Im a bit behind you in the visa process so we are looking into this option but I also can’t return with no job - Mass is so expensive. Where we are now (Rome) we can live on one salary but in Boston for us that’s not really possible.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
I’m sorry about your mom too. It’s so hard, isn’t it? I also miss home and want my son to grow up with his cousins and other family around and for my parents to really know him.
I’ve looked at the cost of child care a bit and very quickly realised it makes more sense for me to stay home with him until we can get him into the towns pre-k.
Constantia789@reddit
This is absolutely wise. Im wishing you the best, it’s all so hard ❤️
DutchieinUS@reddit
You will be okay. Make sure to start the immigrant visa process though because those take a while.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
Thank you, we started it almost a year ago
DutchieinUS@reddit
That’s good! And you have a joint sponsor lined up as well, right? Hope you won’t have much more of a wait ahead anymore!
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
Yes. My dad 😃
DutchieinUS@reddit
So you’re all set!
NotMyUsualLogin@reddit
As in could be 14 or more months.
Sensitive_Bag9171@reddit (OP)
We had started 2 years ago, got to the stage of them accepting my petition about a year ago. When it got accepted, my mom was doing better so we decided to “put it on hold”. Our lawyer advised we just upload some piece of evidence to keep it active. Fast forward to this summer and my mom took a turn again, so we are now resuming to the process again, so hoping it won’t take too long now.