ULPT Needed - nudging car away

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Responsible_Milk_421@reddit

My neighbors painted part of the curb red and everyone assumed the city did it, including the city I guess because it’s been there for almost a decade

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Japslap@reddit

Orange cone or barre could work. I used to put one out to prevent people blocking my drive.

Since this is ULPT... Steal the cone or barrel from a road project or construction site.

Cover the spot that someone would naturally grab (i.e. handle and top) with with something sticky or stinky. Or both! I'm thinking a mix of vaseline and dog shit might do it.

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Pamzella@reddit

Tanglefoot. Ring of duct/gaffer tape inside out and painted with tanglefoot.

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Japslap@reddit

I had to look up tanglefoot... Looks like a big trap stuff. Is it really sticky? Stinky too?

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remedyman@reddit

Stink bait for a fishing store/bait store.

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perrydolia@reddit

get a group of friends. Working together, go to the front of the car, lift it and move it away from the curb,, then go to the back and repeat. Keep doing this until the car is in the lane of traffic.

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Mackheath1@reddit

It's amazing how "light" vehicles are with four or five friends. I mean an F350 would be difficult but regular cars...

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Narcofeels@reddit

Remember to wear gloves too. Never know when someone leaves a piss disc, a piscuss, if you will, under their car to thwart your efforts.

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stupidugly1889@reddit

I buddy of mine did this with his college football buddies and actually was prosecuted and had to pay for supposed damages on the car

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Aggravating-Shape-27@reddit (OP)

We once did this at college :D

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tadc@reddit

Hardest part is finding good places to lift from

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Aggravating-Shape-27@reddit (OP)

Use those wood 4x4

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CameronsTheName@reddit

We turned my teachers classic mini cooper sideways in its parking spot. He had to do a 3000 point turn to get it out. Took it like a champ.

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Dickrubin14094@reddit

Remember to wear gloves too. Wouldn’t want to leave fingerprints

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lefthandedchurro@reddit

Don’t think CSI is coming out to dust for prints over a bad parking job.

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Dickrubin14094@reddit

I guess I watch too many police procedurals on tv lol

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Puceeffoc@reddit

Cops don't want to do anything unless it, at the very least, involves them unholstering their firearm.

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Puceeffoc@reddit

Cops- "Yeah we're going to fingerprint your car and send the prints to the crime lab."

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Or if you don't have a bunch of friends, a floor jack works on rwd vehicles, just jack up the rear diff and pull it backwards. E-brake only locks the rear wheels, same with the transmission.
On a fwd or awd you have to do the front too, so pick up a set of wheel dollies, jack up the car, place the wheels on the dollies, and roll it wherever you want, jack it back up and remove the dollies.
Or if you really don't care, get a tow strap, attach it to their car and yours (works better with a suv or truck, but can work regardless) and drag their car wherever. It'll likely fuck something up on the car, but they'll probably never park like that again.

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Major-BFweener@reddit

Then call the cops and have them tow it.

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FakeAsFakeCanBe@reddit

Put a decorative rock or post office box. It may help.

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Miff1987@reddit

Is it a curb/pavement or grass? If it’s grass put a few of those $1 solar garden lights along the grass to block the space or put your bins out a few day early and block the space

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Agitated_Channel8914@reddit

Purchase a 2 part Weld product (diff curing rates apply) mix & fill several soda caps, remove 2-3 lugnuts from each tire, apply mixture inside lugnuts and tighten back down. Quick weld ; flatten 1 or 2 tires, long cure ; a bb underneath the valve stem caps.

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Key-Candle8141@reddit

lift offending end of car with floor jack
rotate car 90° so its now blocking half the street
your driveway is open and someone will be along soon to tow the car (nudge this along by calling the police yourself)
lather rinse repeat until the hint has sunk in 🙂

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Best_Market4204@reddit

Buy a dummy junk car for $200 & park it there

My driveway in the back of my house is big enough for 3 cars but my wife gets mad at neighbors because they have like 6 cars & park in front of our house. You can fit 2 cars but a but it's a tight fit.

Well now she parks down on the street in middle to take both spots so there's there's space to pull out easier.

I told her just buy a dummy car to park there but she rather be petty.

which is funny... I drive the largest vehicle out of my wife & my tenant & I have no issue.

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ConfusionMindless579@reddit

Put bird seat around and on the car. The birds will be attracted to the seed and poop all over the car. Are there any doorbell cams pointing towards the car? If so do this at night

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Shadowfalx@reddit

Find some old pants, with pockets but not elastic on the ankles. Cut a hole in the pockets. Put birds seed in a plastic bag. Put bags in pockets. As you walk by, dump bags out into pockets, the sex will fall down your leg and end up on the ground but no camera will be able to see it.

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OriginalIronDan@reddit

I don’t think OP wants their sex to fall down their leg.

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Choice_Technician971@reddit

It's a great way to assert dominance.

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Shadowfalx@reddit

Lol.... well you never know 😄

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blondechineeez@reddit

Lol

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Hoistedonyrownpetard@reddit

Andy Dufresne, is that you??

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ArbiterOfOblivion@reddit

This is the best idea so far because it actually encourages the neighbor to move instead of just confusing them about why bad things keep happening to them.

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StevieG-2021@reddit

I like this idea!

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World-Critic589@reddit

A blob of peanut butter mixed with birdseed on the car roof would keep the seeds there.

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UntestedMethod@reddit

Make sure to wear a clown outfit as a disguise when you do it too.

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Airplade@reddit

Bird seat? Like couches and beanbags?

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ConfusionMindless579@reddit

Hahaha, thanks I fixed the typo

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ironworkerlocal577@reddit

Take the license plates off, report abandoned vehicle.

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ZZCCR1966@reddit

Oooo, this is a new one I haven’t heard before… 😜

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50_MHz@reddit

Seriously, just start with a written note under his windshield wiper asking him not to do it. If he ignores it THEN escalate.

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50_MHz@reddit

I know someday I'm going to see this:

"How do we deal with Iran's imminent acquisition of nuclear weapons?"

"Piss disks."

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Scooter-breath@reddit

Just adult up and write a quick, friendly note for on their windscreen explaining the issue. Most people are nice.

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Ubermel@reddit

Use cheap red lipstick from the dollar store. Draw all over the windshield. Write instructions on the car. That shit is a pain to remove. Happened to me when I parked drunk back in the day. Learned my lesson.

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Juicy-Lemon@reddit

. . . in brake fluid, on their hood

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Scooter-breath@reddit

Oh sorry, forgot i was ULPTing it. Tie note to brick, place firmly on windscreen.

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KittyKattKate@reddit

You need to make them feel like it’s an unsafe place for them to park. Break some class, post a sign saying something like “To whoever keeps keying cars parked on this side of the street..” or “Reward for information on car break in”, toss out birdseed…

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TechinBellevue@reddit

Epoxy fake beard, mustache, and Santa hat on the windshield so it looks like Santa is coming to town whenever the bugger drives that car.

It will be a pain to try and get off.

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Jalapeno023@reddit

This one made me giggle.

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Tasty_Pepper5867@reddit

Car dollies are fairly cheap at harbor freight

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whydya-dodat@reddit

Easy. Park with your car’s back end hanging a couple feet into the street. It’s usually enough to discourage parallel parking that winds up entirely too close for driveway use. The only issue you absolutely need to be aware of is that some cities will ticket a vehicle for blocking the sidewalk.

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FarmerFrance@reddit

It's a little pricey but depending on your pettiness level and your potential to actually use them yourself, Harbor freight sells these really useful jacks. they go around each wheel and when squeezed together, they lift the car onto swivel wheels buy 4 of them and just lift the car up and move it so it looks like a jackass parked it and call to have it towed (or better yet, let someone else call it in).

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Thalidomidas@reddit

Alloy wheels ? Say hello to my good friend Gallium

Utterly unethical as the wheels could fall apart at any moment.

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TheyVanishRidesAgain@reddit

All automotive wheels are alloys. Change my mind.

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namerankserial@reddit

Some cars have carbon fibre wheels.

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carl_the_intern1981@reddit

Or steel.....

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f1ve-Star@reddit

Trains. You are thinking of trains with big steel wheels. Or at least I am now.

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carl_the_intern1981@reddit

And now so am I....

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namerankserial@reddit

No one would call a steel car wheel an alloy wheel. But...steel is an alloy. Which is what they were getting at, pretty much all car wheels are a metal alloy of some sort.

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carl_the_intern1981@reddit

Pedantic, but true. Obviously I was looking at the common meaning. Not a chemist, so I have no idea what gallium will do to any kind of metal wheel, whether pure or alloyed.

I type corrected

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BikingEngineer@reddit

Gallium will cause intergranular embrittlement in aluminum alloys, which will compromise the strength and toughness of the wheels. This would be borderline illegal, and potentially a felony if someone gets hurt or killed, so maybe don’t do that.

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TheyVanishRidesAgain@reddit

You got me there.

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Thalidomidas@reddit

All new ones, there's still lots of older vehicles running around with steel wheels.

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Rough-Patience-2435@reddit

I think the point is all automotive wheels are alloy. None (at least affordable) are pure single element. Steel is alloy of iron, carbon, and other elements. Aluminum wheels are not pure aluminum.

Kind of falls in that r/technically correct area.

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notactuallyacupcake@reddit

Car nerd here who is not very educated on wheel composition. So a forged aluminum wheel, what else would be in that? Or even just cast aluminum. It won't change anything abt the wheels I have, I am also just a literal nerd who likes to know stuff, just 'cause.

What about magnesium wheels? I was once gifted an OZ wheel off an ALMS car at Sebring like 18yrs ago after it got damaged during the race. At that level, I would still carry the assumption the metal was pure? It surprises me far less to learn consumer-level wheels are not.

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Rough-Patience-2435@reddit

Pure aluminum is too soft and corrodes too quickly for use as automobile wheels. Similar issue for magnesium.

I would suggest an internet search at reputable sites for automotive wheel construction, and for magnesium wheels having issues on street cars when first introduced.

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Thalidomidas@reddit

The best kind of correct !

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CO420Tech@reddit

Gallium in squirt gun, spray the rear brake caliper every time you walk by.

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Konilos@reddit

Hello officers, there's Thalidomidas. He's right over there.

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No_Educator_6376@reddit

Unscrew the valve cap drop a bb in it out it back on with the bb in the cap and the tire will go flat while you are elsewhere establishing your alibi. Repeat as needed.

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BaitmasterG@reddit

Pliers. Remove 4x valve stems. Leave on windscreen wipers

Quick, simple and effective

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paynedave@reddit

Better idea... valve stem removal tool and leave stems in a zip lock baggy and also a bicycle tire pump with a note stating the next time they park there your keeping the valve stems.

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IntelligentSir3497@reddit

I've heard tell that insurance will cover four tires but not three. Do with that info what you will.

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Flying_Dutchman16@reddit

It depends on your deductible and the cost of the tires.

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chromopila@reddit

2 are enough, but 4 is fair

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Muad_Dib_of_Arrakis@reddit

5 if youre really dedicated.

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quartic_jerky@reddit

That's assuming the spare is externally mounted

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Muad_Dib_of_Arrakis@reddit

"Externally mounted" assumes a minimum of dedication. Maximally dedicated means going for that fifth no matter where it is.

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Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit

Muad Dib understands dedication.

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asyouwish@reddit

On two of the tires.

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MarleysGhost2024@reddit

Scatter bird seed all over his car.

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lothcent@reddit

urine poured on the space where hood and windshield meet - then when the use their ac/defroster.......

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travisjd2012@reddit

Fish Sauce is a lot worse and already comes bottled and ready to pour

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marticcrn@reddit

Dog crap in a jar with some water … just total the car.

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StevieG-2021@reddit

On the drivers side door handle

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travisjd2012@reddit

I feel like as soon as you are the one handling piss or shit it is yourself the one who is owned

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CO420Tech@reddit

Go to the movies, enjoy a nice popcorn bucket while you're there, then fill the bucket half way with popcorn butter from one of the dispensers before you exit. Then dump that shit in there with the fish sauce. I wonder which flavor will be dominant, burning fish smell or burning rancid butter smell...

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Aggravating-Shape-27@reddit (OP)

This was my target for the piss disc !

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toomuch1265@reddit

Caltrops. If I said it once, I've said it a million times. Caltrops

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StevieG-2021@reddit

Caltrops are illegal in many places. However a well placed nail is not

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Humble_Ladder@reddit

Or a sheet metal screw. If the neighbor has a regular schedule and you think you could get away with it take a battery powered drill or driver and drive a sheet metal screw into the edge of their tire tread 30 minutes before they go to work. As long as you don't over-tighten it, they'll probably get a few blocks, and maybe even to work before they lose enough air to notice.

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StevieG-2021@reddit

If it is placed right next to the sidewall they would need to replace the tire. They can’t just patch it.

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toomuch1265@reddit

It would be a shame if a roofer "dropped " some nails.

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ifulbd@reddit

Used to live next to a roofer. Can confirm weekly flats. Half a dozen roofing nails in front of the car should do it. Also, when he leaves, place a half a dozen cinder blocks in the area you want to be unblocked. Most folks are too lazy to move them just so they can park, but it will give you clearance. And if it doesn’t, you have cinder block to toss thru his windows.

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zEdgarHoover@reddit

Check local bylaws. Where I live, it's illegal to park within 12 feet of a driveway.

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ttpdstanaccount@reddit

Dang, 12 feet is wild. Street parking would essentially not exist anywhere in entire neighborhoods in the cities I've lived in

"No person shall park a vehicle at any time immediately in front of any portion of any driveway" is all my city says

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diablette@reddit

That's the point. Some streets are built too narrow for street parking, or built with a plan that only one side would allow it, but plans go out the window when actual people move in. Rather than simply saying "no street parking" they say this to get people to agree.

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ttpdstanaccount@reddit

Idk what chaotic wild west you live in, but we have signs for those situations (and more) all over and it is not an issue 99.9% of the time. Some cities even have annoying af laws where you can only park on the street for 2h at a time and can only register for a permit to park overnight a few times a year. They still work perfectly fine.

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diablette@reddit

I'm in the suburbs. Everyone has a two car garage and a driveway. There's no reason to have cars all over the street unless they're having guests over. It's dangerous because the street wasn't designed for it and you don't want a kid or animal jumping out from between cars into traffic.

I used to live in a city where nobody had a car. The 2 hour parking limits were to allow people to visit, shop, etc.

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phsiii@reddit

True, in cities that wouldn't work! I'm in a suburban subdivision, though I believe it's a count-wide ordnance.

Tell them that part of the curb identifies as a driveway :)

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Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit

Do you live in the rural prairies?!? Where has that much room to sacrifice?

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zEdgarHoover@reddit

Well, I've never seen it enforced but it IS the bylaw.

Suburb of major city.

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Scooter-breath@reddit

Dig a big hole in the road, large enough to swallow the whole vehicle. Place blanket over hole. Wait patiently.

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Juicy-Lemon@reddit

Get a big boulder from somewhere and put it in that spot

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vonhoother@reddit

Technically illegal but unlikely to result in charges: paint some official-looking parking spot markers in the road that provide 2-3 foot clearance on either side of your driveway. Most people will use them automatically. Paint the curb adjoining the driveway white too.

Unless you've done something to annoy your city government, or the local sheriff, no one in officialdom is likely to notice, and if they do they'll just paint it out.

You'll want to do neat work. Use good quality pavement paint and a stencil, and make the spaces a generous car length.

Alternatively, you could paint diagonals (/// \) bracketing the driveway. Most people avoid parking on those. Again, technically illegal, and suspicion will be directly on you.

Or you could go out there with a jackhammer and widen your driveway.

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Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit

Or you could go out there with a jackhammer

Now we're talking!

and widen your driveway.

Oh. Yeah, that'll work too...

🥺 👉👈

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CO420Tech@reddit

Sawzall with a demo blade? I bet the neighbor always wanted a convertible anyway.

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manlymann@reddit

This isn't unethical...call bylaw enforcement. Most towns have bylaws about how close you can park to a driveway. If ya get them towed enough times, they'll stop.

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takeoutboy@reddit

Thin coating of Vaseline on the windshield.

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mrkwns@reddit

Vaseline on the wiper blades, baby powder on the windshield.

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IzzzatSo@reddit

just look up you local laws and have them towed if they're in violation

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willisfitnurbut@reddit

Slap a couple of these very sticky and hard to remove parking violation stickers on the car every day

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BoozeIsTherapyRight@reddit

If you check your city codes, there is most likely a legal parking setback at driveways.

Report them.

Also, dog poop under the door handles and windshield wipers.

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-SQB-@reddit

Car dollies. Push it into the road.

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Krapmeister@reddit

Trolley Jacks

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walter_garber@reddit

Cover the car in silly string and packet meats… anything that will stain the paintwork 🤣

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ride_whenever@reddit

Dollys, move it to a hydrant, call the tow truck

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mrfuzzyshorts@reddit

Why not "install" a fake hydrant right there on the corner, call it in, watch it get towed, remove fake hydrant

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UntestedMethod@reddit

Or install a fake hydrant right next to it.

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Bowwowchickachicka@reddit

Buy and insure a car and park it in that spot. Your budget for this is your own business. BONUS ROUND! Mount a motion sensor and a 360 camera, powered via a battery and a solar panel so that you can share a montage of your neighbors reactions.

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UntestedMethod@reddit

This will be more fun if the car is not driveable and acts more like a "decoration". Still has to be insurable though.

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Living_Guess_2845@reddit

Motion activated sprinkler

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Auto_Phil@reddit

Buy a fire hydrant and place in in your front yard by the curb.

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toughenupbutttercup@reddit

Park in the space leaving your driveway empty for a few days. Might change the habit.

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Aggravating-Shape-27@reddit (OP)

This might very well work, but for days when the weather allows for good behavior. Thanks

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