ULPT REQUEST: drive my terrible landlord insane.
Posted by TurbulentCabinet5385@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 75 comments
Days before my friends and I (all women, early 20s) moved into a house together, our landlord (M36) moved into the attic and has been living here like a pig. We have a biblical amount of flies, his cat doesn’t use the litter box…there’s just food and dirty laundry and cat shit all over the place. He has left his dirty underwear in front of my bedroom door on several occasions.
Anyways, we’re on a month-to-month lease and we’re all moving out. He does not plan on moving more tenants in. I think this was just a way to make a quick buck off of some college students, and maybe it’s some weird pervert stuff, I don’t know.
What are some things I should leave around the house when we leave that will drive him absolutely nuts? Something I can hide in a vent that makes a beep once in a while, maybe something that’ll mess up his internet connection for all the gaming he’s doing on my couch.
Please, please help me. Tenants famously do not win in these situations…best we can do is annoy him. Thanks :)
Krynja@reddit
Take a mason jar and fill it with raw meat, dairy, and other things that will rot/smell horrible. Seal that jar right. Make two others. Hide them in various places. They'll build up gas, crack, and smell. Label them, 1, 2, & 4.
TurbulentCabinet5385@reddit (OP)
Audibly laughed at 1, 2, and 4. Incredible
Krynja@reddit
That uncertainty is the real revenge
DoallthenKnit2relax@reddit
He'll search for #3 forever!
BeerLeague@reddit
First of all, that’s fucking weird.
If he actually lives there full time sign him up for all kinds of random bullshit that will get mailed to his house. Let every religious group in the area know he’s interested in joining and would like a visit. Sign him up to start on every pyramid scheme you can find, use his phone number as well.
Do you know his email and phone number? Setup a college common app profile for him and apply to every single college that allows free ‘one click’ applications. Will need a fake transcript for this one, but you can find those anywhere.
10-mm-socket@reddit
Definitely scientology
DoallthenKnit2relax@reddit
And Jehovah's Witnesses, but do that just after moving out.
Shadowfalx@reddit
So.... my time to shine
1) the day you move out, leave a Tupperware container with fish and half full of milk behind the fridge/ stove/ somewhere he won't look. The milk off gasses as it goes bad, which will pop the top of the container. The fish, along with the risk milk, will smell terrible.
2) if the house is older take one of the light switches out. you can often see behind the drywall because they didn't use boxes ask the time. If you can, slide a gravel alarm clock set to go off at 2:47am. Set it as loud as it will go.
3) if you have overhead lights, the type with the dome, put just a tiny bit of sugar on the rim and put the dome back together. He might not notice based on what you said, but ants will enjoy it
Skeggy-@reddit
Smart outlet switch. Plug the router, console, or tv into it and pair it to the home WiFi. Pick a device where he won’t quickly see the switch.
Randomly turn off the switch off and on remotely from your phone
Cheesy-Cloaca@reddit
But.. You'd only be able to turn it off? And then he'd investigate and turn it back on. Quite an effort for a one-time prank
WeAreyoMomma@reddit
You can use it to switch the fridge and/or freezer off for hours during the night or day and then back on again. Whenever he'll be asleep or out. He won't realise what's going on and wonder why all his food goes bad very quickly and his freezer is full of ice crystals.
Ill_Ambassador417@reddit
You can set some smart switches with a schedule.
1.00 am turn off.
1.01 am turn on.
When its on, you can change to different times
Cheesy-Cloaca@reddit
That's still managed from within the app, have you tried running one of these schedules without wifi?
superluig164@reddit
The schedule still works without Wi-Fi, you just wouldn't be able to change it while it's disconnected.
Skeggy-@reddit
That would require a hub of some sort. Whether it’s an Apple TV, Alexa device, home assistant, or some proprietary hub.
Or you have some fancy expensive switch that would be a waste in this unethical tip.
superluig164@reddit
I have a Geeni switch, one of the cheapest on the market... This is how it works.
Skeggy-@reddit
I stand corrected. Those have onboard memory. Scheduling would work.
OneChrononOfPlancks@reddit
You're still right though, most smart switches do not have onboard memory like this.
Skeggy-@reddit
Yeah router isn’t the best choice. Go for tv or console.
Skeggy-@reddit
No a lot of them have a 3rd party middleman. Either through the device or through a hub. Kasa, tplink, Meross etc. for example.
Easily accessible from outside the home network.
Konilos@reddit
Leave dirty panties around, that's sure to gross him out!
DustinBones6969@reddit
Found the landlord!
Dellazal@reddit
this might be the landlords account lmao
therenegade42069@reddit
Eggs! Put a single egg somewhere very very hidden, and preferably warm. It’ll drive him NUTS as it begins to reek more and more. Do it with a few!
originalmango@reddit
Partially shut off every water valve you can reach.
Any chance there’s a fuse box? Replace one fuse with one that has a SMALLER rating. Not larger, but smaller. Don’t burn the house down. Smaller only.
Call one of the utilities and change the billing address.
Request information from pain in the ass religious organizations under his name and address.
If he’s still working, request samples of boner pills, hemorrhoid cremes, and STD ointments sent to his name but the employer’s address.
Mail the grossest and sleaziest magazines to his neighbor’s addresses but with his name in all caps.
pennylynn123@reddit
no ulpt but be sure to check for hidden cameras!
TurbulentCabinet5385@reddit (OP)
Oof. I just remembered that I emailed the property management company via the tenant portal about something unrelated and they said they’d “check the cameras.” I’m realizing I’ve never seen a camera outside. I went back to the email and I think it’s actually him who responded to me. It’s a Gmail and the LLC isn’t registered. I’m gonna go insane lol
PantyPixie@reddit
Here's info on how to find hidden cameras:
https://www.reddit.com/r/privacy/s/kDrA2ZDJ8L
The_Gov78@reddit
Hey turn the lights out and open the camera function on your phone and walk through the place in the dark. If you see a light source on your phone it's the phone picking up the infra red light from the night vision of a camera. The white LEDs around the camera don't put off visible light but the digital camera sees it as regular light. And look for any phone chargers with long cords that go weird places and inspect phone chargers and alarm clocks they are both popular places for hidden cameras and if you find literally anything call the police. The guy has deficient enough morals to do the other stuff you mentioned, so there's a high possibility he's doing creepier stuff. I'd also move out without telling him in advance if you can as he may ramp up his creep shit in preparation. Best of luck, if you like your roomates all of you can find a new place go through a leasing or management company next time
OriginalIronDan@reddit
Police non-emergency number. You suspect hidden cameras.
redpukee@reddit
My first thought. He's in the attic? Easy Peasy to spy.
PantyPixie@reddit
Sign him up for newsletters for Jehovah Witnesses.
Half_Life976@reddit
ULPT: quickset cement down every drain. Normal people advice: get out today, don't wait.
nursestephykat@reddit
Coffee grinds will do a good job of this too and are less suspicious.
Living-The-Dream42@reddit
So you and your college girlfriends moved into a house where the landlord lives in the attic?
Jesus, this is how pornos and horror movies start...
TurbulentCabinet5385@reddit (OP)
No. We signed a lease for an empty home with an attic we were going to use as a studio. He moved himself in without telling us. He owns the home and operates under a fake company. It’s been less than a month, we’ve been staying other places at night mostly and we’ve found a new place, thank god
crazycritter87@reddit
Jeez you should have been taking legal action immediately. Law enforcement would not have hesitated to think it was weird for a 36yo "landlord" to be moving into the attic of a bunch of college girl tenants.
uberphaser@reddit
Go to the store and buy a package of stew beef already cut up into chunks. Cut those chunks in half and put a piece in every hidden spot you can find. I mean get creative. Unscrew stuff and put chunks of meat in there. Watch a YouTube video on drywall patching.
I did this to an asshole borderline SA-er of a boss back when I worked at a phone bank place. I put it in the base of his desk phone. It made every breath torture
chicken_tendigo@reddit
Spill it into every kitchen crevice possible and under the fridge for extra plausible deniability. For extra stench, pull out any bottom drawers and sneak some raw potatoes down in behind them. Stick the rest of the bag in that drawer, like you should, because potatoes need to be stored in the dark. It's not your fault that some got misplaced. The drawers just got slammed too much. Nobody knows who did it 🤷♀️
Baguetele@reddit
Oh, honey, no. Don't be pedestrian. 😈 This is the season to go extra. 🎃
Get a creepy doll from Salvation Army or somesuch, add some personal trinkets, like chicken bones, pig knuckles, bone runes, tarot cards, black candles (cut in bits and burn the wick so it looks like there were a lot), nice Quija board, make sure it all looks well used and scuffed.
Leave in random places, make sure all of you mention "the creepy weirdness" that's making y'all move. Let him drive himself out of his nasty mind.
bigdave41@reddit
Prawns inside the curtain rods
Puceeffoc@reddit
Are prawns the same as shrimp?
Turtleintexas@reddit
Close enough
bigdave41@reddit
I'm not a marine biologist so I'm not sure, but for rotting in curtain rods they'll serve the same purpose I'm sure.
zebenix@reddit
I did that but they shrivelled to dust without smelling. Pull the carpet back, unscrew a floorboard and chuck some beef/pork mince down there. Screw board down and put carpet back
bigdave41@reddit
For more deniability I guess you could buy dead mice from a pet shop that sells them as snake food, or find roadkill and leave them in a place where an animal could conceivably have got in.
The_zen_viking@reddit
I scrolled down to say this!!
Unhappy_Position496@reddit
Everytime.
Iwentforalongwalk@reddit
Take the cat with you, poor thing.
Electrical_Desk_3730@reddit
Please get the cat to a normal, loving home even take to a shelter if necessary
Hardcorelogic@reddit
Came here to say this. 100% take the cat.
Miserable_Smoke@reddit
Search for any holes in your ceiling, find the cameras, extort the fuck out of him.
Primary-Golf779@reddit
Concrete
Miami_Mice2087@reddit
talk to the tenant's union. he's forcing you out so he doesn't have to pay $1000 each for an ellis act eviction
Grandma-Plays-FS22@reddit
Make sure tenants’ union apply to your location first.
We got out of a lease by finding out from the state attorney general the laws that landlord has to follow in this state. Not sure enough we found a couple that our landlord wasn’t likely to be legal on. Yup, ended the lease in our favor. They said that the tenant unit didn’t apply. I replied “Oh, I didn’t talk to them. I talked to the attorney general.” They shut up.
stabbingrabbit@reddit
Turn off water valves to toilet and loosen hoses
stabbingrabbit@reddit
Still have access to his WiFi after you leave? Buy a cheap used computer with none of your info on it and sit outside his place and look up middle east websites and bomb plans, and definitely bacteria and virus growth. Some 3 letter government types may come knocking
Individual_Tea_4783@reddit
Unscrew EVERY SINGLE LIGHTBULB just enough to where they won't turn on w a switch
SMELL_LIKE_A_TROLL@reddit
A can of partially opened sardines put inside the back cover of the refrigerator can get rid of a lot of other odors
The_Gov78@reddit
Username checks out
UnhelpfulHand@reddit
Sign his phone number address and email up for tons of advertisements and junk. He’ll have hundreds and hundreds pieces of mail crammed in his mailbox and his email address will be flooded with spam. He will have so many unknown numbers calling and texting him too.
AdRegular1647@reddit
Make sure that there are a goodly number of free adult diaper samples, Christian bits on sex addiction and treatment, and other helpful info represented in those samples.
The_Gov78@reddit
That's a pro tip. Nice to see a fellow person of culture represented here
OriginalIronDan@reddit
Mormon church, Scientology, NAMBLA…
Scragglymonk@reddit
Look at the carpets, can they be lifted ? Is there solid floor or wood over joists with a gap? Slip in some turds, sausages,prawns etc Open up some cans of food at the base, drain the juice and leave in a cupboard.
Lots_of_bricks@reddit
Google or Amazon they make things that beep at random intervals for a very very long time
PoofItsFixed@reddit
Annoyatron is one brand name for these devices.
NoSession1674@reddit
Get some tuna, eggs, milk, and a large plastic syringe. Blend the ingredients. Take off faceplates at outlets and switches. Use the syringe to squirt the liquid love just between the electric boxes and the drywall into the stud bays. Replace covers, crank the heat up, and get outta there.
Pomegranate_1328@reddit
Take all of his left shoes, remove every single battery out of items. Take out bolts and screws from furniture or make them loose so he falls down when sitting on stuff. Remove one screw from each hinge from the cabinet so they are all crooked. Add some small fish in little spots or under loose carpet. You can also add fish into his car vents and hub caps if he has them. Pour some smelly fish bits down every single drain before you leave and in all air vents.
ChefBoyardee409@reddit
You could always just get a can of surstromming then leave it. Left at room temp it will ferment in the can then explode sometimes in the future.
57_Eucalyptusbreath@reddit
Okay this stuff is amazing in smell. You will need a mask. I would put it through a blender. On your way out the door…..
Keep in mind you need to be extremely careful. Screw drivers have been known accidentally falls against some light switches and plates could come off. And whatever you do keep funnels “away” from the opening (away from the wire box /wires). Just drop a little of the fish.
Better if a floor board is loose. Or behind the stove. Small drops nothing Maybe just by his entry way when he’s gone. His Cat may love it.
Also I’d consider dropping his cat off at humane society in another town say you found it outside like a mile away.
sarahjp21@reddit
Not the poor cat. It’s not their fault.
OriginalIronDan@reddit
Maybe a no-kill shelter instead.
nuclearmonte@reddit
Sounds like he doesn’t care about smells, so I’d pop on over to Petsmart and get a hefty amount of crickets to let loose in the house on the way out. Or you can order a ton of other bugs online!
TurbulentCabinet5385@reddit (OP)
I was thinking roaches under the sinks, but crickets don’t sound like a bad idea