Will it get better?

Posted by AdmirableSpot4527@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 23 comments

Hey,

I’ve just hit the 7-week mark since relocating from the EU to Melbourne (moved for work- same company, new office), and I’m really struggling. Nothing objectively “bad” is happening… but nothing particularly good either.

My days feel identical: I wake up, go to work (most of my team is WFH, so barely any social interaction), go to the gym, come home, sleep, repeat. I’m trying to explore on weekends, but it’s difficult, everything feels unfamiliar, and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere yet.

And now I’m starting to question the whole move: Why did I leave my friends, my family, and a stable life behind… just to have the same life without them?

Does this feeling pass? Will it get better once I hit the 2–3 month mark? Or is this just how expat life is and maybe this wasn’t a good career move after all?

Any advice, honest perspectives, or even similar experiences would help a lot.

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sread2018@reddit

You're not experiencing much difference than most Melbournians. Work during the week, maybe get the the gym or a walk then use the weekends to explore, catch up with friends ect. Rinse repeat.

Can you organize to meet up with some of your new coworkers?

Any hobbies or sports you like?

What about making a list of cafes or restaurants you'd like to visit?

Social circles can definitely be harder to crack in Melbourne. They are usually built through university or work, so you'll definitely have to put some conscious effort in and not expect it to happen organically,

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AdmirableSpot4527@reddit (OP)

Yeah i’m fine with the routine, what i’m struggling with is that it’s the same as I had home so now i’m like “why did I move across the world to do the same thing”. but thanks for the reco, I’m trying all of these, guess it just takes time but it’s unbearable last couple of days

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sread2018@reddit

Im not sure what you were expecting. Adulting is the same around the world. We all go to work and then try to make the best of our free time.

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zenmonkeyfish1@reddit

Wake up early for gym so you have your weekday evenings free to go out and meet people

If you don't make social connections then you won't be happy

Simple as that

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godless-wife@reddit

You're still early days, trying to adjust. Perfectly normal. The first ~3 months are the hardest, especially when moving completely on your own.

I'd suggest joining some local interest-based clubs - hiking, running, climbing, ultimate frisbee, swimming, diving, reading, hell, knitting if that's your thing. Nothing makes integration faster and easier than establishing yourself with a bunch of locals, and Australians are super easy to get along with.

If running and beers are for you, there's an organization called "hash house harriers" (or 3H) that calls itself a drinking club with a running problem, they have chapters worldwide in all larger cities. I'm sure Melbourne got one. I don't particularly enjoy drinking and am more of a walker than runner, but they also often have a walking trail next to a running one, so I used to join them in a few countries over time just to meet a handful of like-minded locals and expats to then hang out with on my own terms.

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LibrarianByNight@reddit

Not OP, but thanks for this rec. I'd heard about them, but I'm not a runner (happy to walk!), so glad my local group looks they have a walking trail as well.

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Pale-Candidate8860@reddit

2 juggernauts commenting on this post.

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godless-wife@reddit

lol

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Pale-Candidate8860@reddit

I would buy your book if you wrote it. Same to the other commenter who is a juggernaut. I think he lives in Kazakhstan.

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AdmirableSpot4527@reddit (OP)

I’m not really extroverted but i’m doing the best I can. Thanks! The “it’s perfect normal” calmed me down a bit 🤞

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godless-wife@reddit

Yeah neither am I, so it always took a bit to get out of my comfort zone. Eventually I got a dog and joined dog hiking groups, animal people are the best anyway :)

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FrauAmarylis@reddit

Culture Shock typically lasts 2 years. It typically takes 3 years to make friends and feel settled.

https://www.now-health.com/en/blog/culture-shock-stages/

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AdmirableSpot4527@reddit (OP)

Thanks for the link, it’s nice to have some psychological clarity about it. that’s it’s not just in my head :)

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werchoosingusername@reddit

OK, it is called Culture Shock. In your case you are getting deprived of your Honey Moon phase by going straight into WFH. That's not how it should go.

You need to find a solution to this specific challenge. It is usually hard for any expat. In your case it is a bit more difficult.

Keep in mind Culture shock has 5 phases and you might go back and forth among those during your time in your new country.

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AdmirableSpot4527@reddit (OP)

Thx a mill, I knew about culture shock but not so much about its phases, good to have some proof and rationale to it.

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Liberatedexpat@reddit

My two cents- 7 weeks is not long enough to gain a sense of belonging nor a full appraisal of your new life in Australia. Sounds like your feelings about your current situation are coloured by the initial experience (culture shock) and also by grief for the things and people you leave behind.

Being intentional about your life in Aus means being invested in a new life there. embracing the change involves moving towards the things that you value and recalibrating your efforts to find connection and purpose along the way. The lack of fulfillment you experience is a signal and an opportunity to be responded to actively. I wish you the best of luck in finding meaning in your new country.

Mark, MSW

Global Expat Mental Health Specialist

Liberated Expat

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