ULPT: Where to get thorns or other ground deterent?

Posted by HOW_I_MET_YO_MAMA@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 49 comments

There is a plant thief in my neighbourhood who steals my plants. He/she has to walk over my front grass to do so. What can I put on the grass to stop them from doing this?

Maybe some big-ass thorns.

I am strictly not allowed to put up fencing or bollards or any visual blockage, according to the hoa rules. So it has to be something invisible like thorns.

Any advice on where to buy such things or similar would be greatly appreciated.

Note: I have no pets or kids and no one else has any reason to walk on this particular patch of grass, so no innocents should be affected.

Note 2: I have no camera/cctv and no budget to set one up to determine the culprit.

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lo-lux@reddit

I don't know where you live to recommend a particular plant. If you have briars, go to the woods and dig up the root ball, it should grow from that.

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Ghrrum@reddit

First off, no trespassing signs are important, make some, post them.

Now what you want to do is start preparing some holes for plants, nothing too deep, but enough that the roots will have a solid spot to start.

Be careful though, real easy to roll an ankle if you forget where those holes are, sleep if they get accidentally covered with straw from lawn reseeding.

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jupitaur9@reddit

OP may be planning a rock garden, so there might be big rocks interspersed with holes.

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StanielReddit@reddit

So put up no trespassing holes and dig holes for plants?

Am I missing something? How does this prevent a thief from stealing plants?

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How big could these “plant holes” possibly be that would prevent someone from stealing plants. I still don’t get it. If I was gonna steal plants I would run up and grab the plant by the base, pull, then run. I wouldn’t climb into the flower bed to do so.

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Potential_Phrase_206@reddit

…throughout the yard 😉😉

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Ghrrum@reddit

If it's dark and you already have a basic feeling of confidence from doing something previously, you don't pay as close of attention. So it's really easy to miss step when something changes. Like holes in your previous path that will be getting some plants later in the week.

It doesn't take much to turn an ankle in the dark.

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HOW_I_MET_YO_MAMA@reddit (OP)

I'm not allowed to put up any signs but holes are an option, thanks, especially if they come at night.

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Reddit-torr@reddit

No trespassing signs is the only way you get out of this without a lawsuit

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paganassassin@reddit

I'd look into this one a bit closer. Municipality rules overrule HOA rules, state overrules municipality, etc. Posting "no trespassing" signs is a legally protected thing, and legally important in a lot of cases.

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ashba666@reddit

Make sure to throw a piss disc in each of the holes too. Have to find a way to incorporate that somehow.

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foxiez@reddit

Motion activated sprinklers?

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Rangavar@reddit

Landmines. Blow em up like a Looney Tunes villain.

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Nikotelec@reddit

Unless you think they're coming in bare feet, thorns probably not much deterrent.

Maybe baseball bats with nails in?

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HOW_I_MET_YO_MAMA@reddit (OP)

I live in a hot town right near the beach, most people are always in flip flops, but yeah I can't be sure.

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Salty-Ambition9733@reddit

Sorinkle itching powder all over the yard

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Obvious_Extreme7243@reddit

I'd buy more plants and cover them with poison ivy oil

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Salty-Ambition9733@reddit

And itching powder

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dkstr419@reddit

Heck, come over to my yard and help yourself to any and all of the poison oak cuttings/ seedlings you want.

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swirlybat@reddit

obviously

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smilinglizard217@reddit

Easy, Satan!

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Jazzlike_Visual2160@reddit

Goat’s head weed is harsh if you step on it barefoot, and the spikes will even get stuck in shoes, etc. I’m not allergic to poison oak, so I use that for evil all the time. I guess getting a camera is too ethical, so you can go to the dollar store and get fake cameras with little red lights that make them look real. You can go onto the Nextdoor app and ask your neighbors to help you find the plant thief and some busybody will take that and run with it! You can walk through your neighborhood and see who has the same plants and steal them back. Wear a hoodie and a mask so they can’t id you. You can just steal your neighbors plants so they get mad enough to try to catch the thief. Just be ready for catching some little old lady, because that could be who it is. It’s obviously someone who passes by your house occasionally, because otherwise they wouldn’t know what plants you have.

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LukeSkyWRx@reddit

At what point does it become a felony in your state? I have plants that are worth +1K.

Or you just need documentation they cost that much……..

Sting op go.

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nodray@reddit

OP, I officially praise your plants values at $50,000/EACH. You may use this comment in a court of law.

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nodray@reddit

Giant hidden spike pit "for a movie we're filming". "No kids in this area" sign. What could go wrong?

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eatingganesha@reddit

motion detecting sprinklers

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deathboyuk@reddit

THEY don't know you don't have cameras. "HEY THIEF, SMILE FOR THE CAMERA, JUST A FEW MORE SHOTS AND I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT"

Then, of course, fuck their dad.

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deathboyuk@reddit

(also, fwiw, you can get a camera for like $20 or even set up a phone with a motion sensor app)

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Shell-Fire@reddit

If your near Greensboro, I'll give you one for free. Try asking on your local/city subreddit

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TheBigBeardedGeek@reddit

That last step is why I'm always a little sad I raised my children to be such fine individuals.

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SwiftKickRibTickler@reddit

If Honey Locust grows in your part of the world, a few thorny branches laid out strategically will go thru all but the thickest shoe soles. for a less injurious option, black locust or bois d'arc branches have shorter thorns and will tangle the trespasser up pretty nicely

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Kielbasa_Nunchucka@reddit

spike strips would work. just cut some thin plywood strips, paint them dark green, and run some 2 inch screws thru so the poke out the other side. we call em "rattlesnakes" on construction sites.

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APuckerLipsNow@reddit

Agave, Euphorbia, blackberries.

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swirlybat@reddit

prickly pear cactus. fast growing from 1 pad. little fucking pricks everywhere and you get free food if you choose to burn thorns and eat the prickly pears.. i have them growing along my back fence gate that should never be opened. good lil friend to plant around bird feeders too to help defend your birds from non birds. takes time to achieve height though

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The_Arch_Heretic@reddit

My grandma had a living fence of pain consisting of those nasty bastards protecting her rose garden.

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jefferson497@reddit

Cholla cactus are a better deterrent. Those spiked are painful

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tree_beard_8675301@reddit

Do you know anyone with rose bushes or hawthorn trees? Ask for some branches. Or post in a local gardening group that you have trouble with stray cats using your flower beds as a litter box and you’re looking for some thorns to discourage them.

Or a motion sensor sprinkler.

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TheJokersWild53@reddit

A thin wire with an electrical charge will be shocking to the thief, pun intended

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stoic_yakker@reddit

String some monofilament line attached to cans across the yard, let them wake you and get the 💩 scared out of them

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Rachel_Silver@reddit

Try and get your hands on a bunch of barrel hoops and spread them out on your lawn.

The Beaver and Larry did that in Lumpy Rutherford's yard, then jeered at him so he'd chase them. Every time he stepped on one, the far side would swing up and hit him in the shins.

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magseven@reddit

gif

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blaspheminCapn@reddit

Sign that says smile, you're on camera costs less than an actual camera

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blaspheminCapn@reddit

Fox piss.

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Thin-Ebb-2686@reddit

Bougainvilleas have some nasty thorns. They have pretty flowers and a nice leaf, but they can grow into long thin branches that can be manipulated to hold pretty much any shape. You can pin the branches down and let them grow low on the ground, cut the ones that get too high

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EffEeDee@reddit

Somebody I knew was quite particular about their lawn, and got annoyed with kids riding their bike across the corner of it, so they lifted the turf, placed a rake under it, and put the turf back down over it. This isn’t a recommendation… just a story about my crazy uncle.

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darthenron@reddit

Are they taking the flower pot they are in?

Could always try some kind of sticky paper or zip tie them to something heavy.

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Repulsive_State_7399@reddit

Motion activated sprinklers.