ULPT - How to ruin the life of road raging psychopaths

Posted by Tak-Hendrix@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 73 comments

I live in Houston. I recently had an incident where someone pulled out of a parking lot right in front of me causing me to slam on my brakes. When I tried to pass them, they sped up to block me. When I got back behind them, they started mocking me and trying to instigate. I made a gesture with my index finger and thumb to indicate something small and this nutjob threw something at my car. I posted about this in the Houston sub and the majority of responses are people being pathetic victim blaming pussies because apparently everyone is resigned to be complacent with letting assholes like this rule the road and put the lives of others in danger on a daily basis.

How do you ruin someone's life for putting your life in danger on the road? I was thinking about calling 911 to report a drunk driver, maybe reporting that I thought I saw them brandish a gun. Anyone have any better ideas, other than to be a complete coward and ignore this kind of behavior? I do have a dash cam and can pull a picture of their face and license plate, but unfortunately they were next to me when they threw the object so it wasn't caught on camera.

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dazedan_confused@reddit

Just smile at them. When someone is angry, the most engaging thing to do is show them that you're either not affected by their response, or are enjoying toying with their emotions.

Source: I've been a trolling bastard for a while now.

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foxboxingphonies@reddit

I never flip people off on the road. I only use a thumbs-up and a smile. Either they calm down and realize they are overreacting, or they lose their minds.

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-ssae@reddit

Make this hand signal 🤏 with a smile for the opposite reaction

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Remarkable-Ad2285@reddit

I’ve done that. And yeah, it pisses them the fuck off. This one one dude started to follow me aggressively, honking and gesturing for me to pull over. I hadn’t thought that far ahead as to what was my next move. I was real close to my house, but I wasn’t about to show him where I lived. So I bit the bullet and headed to the boonies to find a nice spot to have a brawl. Well, I guess the guy freaked out and thought I was leading him to my sex dungeon or something cause he pulled a youie and booked it. 😅

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Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit

If I pick up an aggro-tail, I take them on a tour to the nearest police station. The fuzz aren't good for much, but they're a better end-point when you're being followed.

I acknowledge this is not as helpful for racialized peoples. 😒

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dazedan_confused@reddit

Oh yeah, the sustained smile works amazingly. Especially if you do the Steve Merchant eyes.

DenialZombie@reddit

Call the cops. Report everything with embellishments. Call dispatch on speaker and dictate actions in real time, as well as license plate, driver and vehicle descriptions and ongoing location. Keep following so they have to do something about it.

Or just dox them online, I guess.

OldERnurse1964@reddit

Caltrops

Several_Ad_8777@reddit

Houston has some of the worst road rage. Know a father that was killed recently.

phathomthis@reddit

Just saying, you having a dashcam and saying you thought you saw them brandish a gun is going to get that footage reviewed and if nothing on there indicates that, especially since you're making it up,.you can get yourself charged for filing a false report.

Best thing to do is not engage. You making the tiny dick gesture is engaging in it and escalating it. Maybe, not do that?

Also, this is Houston, don't get yourself killed.
I saw a guy rear end an 80+ old lady. When she came back to his car to get insurance information, he grabbed a machete and went after her with it. When she got in her car to flee, he followed her.

But this is ULPT, so let's see. Get in front of them and don't brake check, but downshift and drive really slow or match the speed of the car next to you so they can't get around.

Hooddub1@reddit

Best advice I've ever gotten is to treat people like this as an obstacle. Go around and avoid. You never know what kind of day they've had and what they are willing to do.

KyloRenCadetStimpy@reddit

Never would I ever even consider filling a large syringe full of piss, attaching a hose to the end (think of those hoses they use for aquarium air pumps), squeezing the hose up into the window, then spraying it inside the truck at night. You would definitely NOT get bonus points if you used any of those urine-based wildlife attractants

Holy shit, good thing you don't do that, because that one is BAD.

I definitely don't now have a use for these giant, needle-less syringes I accidentally ordered online. They hold about half a pint of liquid.

GuestStarr@reddit

Half a pint?? What are you supposed to use them for?

Aggravating_Act0417@reddit

Catheters.

Miserable_Smoke@reddit

Lube

I think they are for feeding baby cows milk or something.

My roommate ordered them. I wanted them to give my dog some liquid medication, but she didn't look at the size. They are comically huge! haha

cyrusthemarginal@reddit

Coyote or fox are both excellent

maybe9805@reddit

Im from Houston myself and I had a neighbor who got shot because of roadrage. People who do this shit on the road isnt worth risking your life over

Mr_RubyZ@reddit

I definitely wouldn't follow them home from 10 cars back and cover their car in brake fluid so that the paint flakes off over the next couple weeks. Repeatedly.

Be careful not to let anyone key multiple panels in your vehicle, as each panel has to be repaired.

I've certainly never taken note of where someone parked and put pebbles in their tire air cap, that would be petty.

I definitely wouldn't pay a tweaker to bust their car window and raid their belongings.

If at all possible, I do not brake for idiots on the road. An idiot is much better to have in the rearview mirror. If someone pulled out suddenly in front of me, I would not even blink as I passed them at normal speed using any and all parts of the road available.

This is why I prefer amazon delivery. Best to avoid human interaction unless necessary.

Rat_Grinder@reddit

I definitely haven’t 3D printed a small supply of valve stem caps that let air out of tires when you screw them on to achieve the same result as your pebble trick but faster.

These are a ~~fantastic~~ terrible idea! I wonder though, how obvious they are.

It would be awful if they looked more like proper valve stem covers (black, no obvious air hole). Then — even at a glance to check for gravel — the driver might not notice why they have a slow leak and be troubled repeatedly. That would be very inconvenient!

What you described exists! The original ones I found look like regular caps with little holes in the stuffed but I couldn’t find them again earlier when I was searching for a link.

Wabi-Sabi_Umami@reddit

gif

handtoglandwombat@reddit

And I’m sure you would never provide a link?

Juankzjt@reddit

i wish they never provide a reliable link for the 3D print air caps, that would be very awful.

truly the worst

Muad_Dib_of_Arrakis@reddit

Terrible, thank you.

Acidcore@reddit

Thanks, I hate it.

definitely not

BadMondayThrowaway17@reddit

You need DOT3 brake fluid specifically.

DOT4 and other types won't have the effect you want.

A can or two of DOT3 in a cheap super soaker will ruin every inch of paint on a car if someone doesn't wash it off within a couple of minutes.

No_Sun9675@reddit

*Shuffles through paperwork* Ahem, all seems in order here. Except for one thing. You forgot the PD good Sir. Otherwise, a solid plan. I look forward to reading the follow-up report at your next performance evaluation.

wow_itsjustin@reddit

In St. Louis we point out of the window with the problem solver 3000

SaveTheNinjasThenRun@reddit

This is why I'm never in St Louis past dark 😂

Suspicious_Plantain4@reddit

A few weeks ago, in my town someone got into an altercation with another driver. When they got out of their vehicles, the other driver punched him and then purposefully gouged the first driver's eyes with his thumbs. That driver lost one eye and the other eye was severely damaged. The last I heard, they weren't sure if it could be saved.

Do what you want, but please take care of yourself and be careful because you never know what a crazy psychopath may do when they're angry, regardless of who initially was inconsiderate to who.

itchylol742@reddit

understood, i will proactively be the crazy psychopath before the other person can be a crazy psychopath

Illustrious_Bat858@reddit

The real ULPT is always in the comments…

That's honestly where I thought the comment was going.

CalabreseAlsatian@reddit

Assignment completed successfully

CrossfitAnkles@reddit

I am also from Vermont lol. People are absolutely psychotic.

Librashell@reddit

Yeah, the ELPT is to turn off the road and find another route as soon as possible and forget the jerks.

I was thinking about calling 911 to report a drunk driver,

Not a drunk driver. You can 100% call in road rage and aggressive driving. Just call it in for what it is. And tell them you have it on dashcam.

I do this regularly. (Certainly more often than I'd prefer, as safe > being right) For a long time I felt uncertain about it, but this past year I had called in a very aggressive driver (they were high-beaming me in the right/slow lane wanting to pass a tractor trailer). Once they went around and cut me off, I called them in. ~20km later (12 miles) I got to sail on past them pulled over by the OPP. Absolutely floating on air for the rest of the day. 🤩

That was the first time I got to see results from a call, and it absolutely sold me on reporting aggressive drivers to 911.

Own_Ideal_9476@reddit

Leave it alone. Idiots like that have a way of ruining their own lives all by themselves.

get_meta_wooooshed@reddit

I can't believe anyone hasn't linked this yet... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuKnR8RvxHY

zendrovia@reddit

so you held up a finger gun to someone pissed off

Tak-Hendrix@reddit (OP)

No? 🤏 How does that look like a finger gun?

Hippotaur@reddit

1) Look both ways before pulling out of a parking lot next time.

2) You had to slam on your brakes?!? How will you ever recover from such a tragedy?

3) You were such a road-raged psychopath that you sped after them trying to pass them?

Just slam your car into theirs next time. That's unethical and will ruin the life of a road raging psychopath (you).

In the meantime, maybe an anger management class?

Wow, I think you need to go back to kindergarten and learn how to read.

lesbos_hermit@reddit

I recently learned, I believe from this very sub, that the smell of spoiled milk is literally impossible to get out of a car. The car had to be totaled.

Not_Jinxed@reddit

Also fox urine in the cabin intake vents right under the windshield. You can find it in the hunting section at a lot of sporting good stores

civil-ten-eight@reddit

Concentrated MENHADEN OIL works great to attract trophy fish. Stuff is so potent you can put a couple cups into the ocean and attract fish from miles away! The more you know 🌈

khakiwarrior@reddit

Not unethical, but the most upset I’ve seen another driver get was when my brother blew him a kiss. I’ll never forget the sweet, sweet mix of rage and homophobia that contorted his face.

bspsts@reddit

Dash cam

HoustonBOFH@reddit

Mayor Whitmyer has specifically come out against this and invested money in stopping it. So, get a dash cam. Record this. Give it to HPD and Whitmyer's office ans well as your city counsel member. Also share it with Grizzies Hood News on Facebook. Send the clip to channel 2, 11, 13, and 26. Send the clip to Wham Baam Dashcam on Youtube. Make em famous.

Salty-Ambition9733@reddit

What the mini series Beef on Netflix. It’s a great show and you’ll get some good ideas.

InvertedAlchemist@reddit

Yes hello 911, I would like to report a drunk driver with this license plate.....

Aetheldrake@reddit

It's Texas I'm surprised you didn't just shoot a tire out or something

RVA-neighbor@reddit

Fish oil from an Asian grocery store. Take one smell and you’ll get the idea.

coffeegrounds42@reddit

Get a dashcam. I know that's not unethical but holy shit they help. You could literally send the footage to the police.

dilbert207@reddit

They literally said they have a dashcam

Oh well. I just finished a 12 hour shift after 3 hours sleep so reading comprehension really isn't a strength for me right now.

Flux_My_Capacitor@reddit

You’re being an idiot like Clark in National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.

Both drivers are idiots here.

You knew you’d antagonize him by trying to pass.

Don’t be an idiot driver, kiddo.

Sebulba3@reddit

I definitely wouldn't fill a washer motor with glue and drive in front of them...

It would be about a $50 contraption and they'd have no idea where it came from before they realize

Reddit is stealth deleting the actual answers to your question. The ones you were looking for about psychopaths magically disappeared.

goadedon@reddit

Care to summarise?

become the psychopath

Report it to the police, and push it hard...

Thats several (minor) traffic violations, with proof. Find a cop to do the paperwork, make them understand and take your side.

I understand you're seething. We normally dont have to interact with the 50% of the population that are mouth breathing retards, driving is the exception. You interact with a couple hundred vehicles in just a short drive to the grocery store, and several if them are going to be the bottom 1/100 of the population.

thro117@reddit

You live in Houston, you should buy a gun. Preferably a full size handgun with a large magazine. If someone throws something at your car during a road-rage incident you can claim self-defense ("I was scared for my life") and mag dump their car. It wouldn't even be illegal, half the people here wouldn't even consider it unethical.

Delinquentbyassoc@reddit

James Bond guns

Chocorope@reddit

Full-blown schizoid psychopaths have limited range of emotions, so unless you know the exact trigger they will be impermeable to most things you will try to do, making them angry, or happy is not the easiest task, and any success lead to extreme outcomes.

A real psycho would not have thrown anything at you, in fact you would barely, if at all, realize just how much you made them angry as their faces remain straight, even while boiling deep inside.

A psychopath would have let you pass, stalked you home, then thought about you every day while preparing for next year attack.

Fair-Introduction-66@reddit

Go make enemies with the white Tesla license plate eeevahh

thisnameisuniquenow@reddit

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7VM6IWpZ7-/?hl=en

GSP ain't a coward.