I have dyed my hair platinum blonde and people are nicer to me. I was more invisible as a grey head.
Posted by No-Bike7922@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 96 comments
That's all. It's weird. I think I am somehow now the cutish older woman with platinum blonde hair. Maybe the fun ,zany grandma or something? I had mousy grey hair for a year after ditching the brown dye and was invisible. I felt brushed aside by some, maybe a tad disdained by some real jerks or those just afraid of aging. Same person on the inside just $325 price tag later of hair cut and color, shine treatment and boom, people are nicer and more interested in me.
So I guess the question is, do you feel invisible as you have aged? TLDRL: I was very invisible for a year as dingy grey head (my personal hair color is steel dingy grey) lady, and it was in ways sad, but in other ways kind of weirdly peaceful being a ghost. It reinforced how silly people can be with their two-second snap judgements and resulted in me going more inward and less caring of what others think.
That-Surprise@reddit
Nobody wants to fuck me unless I swap my glasses for contact lenses š¤·
MaximumJones@reddit
As a man, what is this "hair" you speak of?
tehfrod@reddit
Mine started graying in my 20s, was completely gray by 40, and now is white at 52.
I used to get it cut high and tight every six weeks or so, but my current partner made a comment when we started dating that she had always been with guys with long hair, so I decided to grow it out ("if nothing else, I can dress as Geralt for Halloween").
Best hair-related decision of my life. I haven't had it cut for almost two years now (aside from one or two end trims), and it's now below-the-shoulder and flowing, and I've actually gotten compliments on it both from strangers and people who haven't seen me in years (which has never happened before).
OneManLost@reddit
As a dude with a full head of hair that isn't going to go grey for a long time. It's annoying to have to cut every other week just to keep up appearances. If I can retire, I'll never cut it again
blackpony04@reddit
I, too, at 55 have a full head of hair, but mine gets cut every 5-6 weeks. Not wearing it high and tight is the trick, and you'd be surprised at how much younger you'll look with hair that flows. I also barely have any gray and just 2 days ago was told I could pass for 40. Of course, it also helps that the baby face that cursed me in my youth has been ao helpful since my 40s.
Squigglepig52@reddit
Same thing here, but - cut every few months. I hate getting haircuts.
Actually - longer hair makes me look older, for some reason. Sadly, long, I have 70s Geddy Lee hair.
SunshynePower@reddit
Yeah, I was going to say that when my ex grew his hair out it seemed to age him. I had friends reach out about his mental health because of his hair. My Dad didn't recognize him in a group picture.
So if you grow out out them take care of it
jonnydemonic420@reddit
I feel you friend. Mine started to thin at 33 and I have always sworn that when it started I would shave my head, no faking it. Iāll be 50 and Iāve been shaving it ever since. I miss my awesome hair of my youth, but it is what it isā¦
everyoneisnuts@reddit
The world is shallow and also agist. Not much more than that.
TheGrinchWrench@reddit
Itās a Vampire
BringBackHUAC@reddit
Sent to drain
Wildlifebracelets@reddit
Secret destroyers
writtenbyrabbits_@reddit
Hold you up to the flames
SheriffBartholomew@reddit
DESPITE ALL MY RAGE I'M STILL JUST A RAT IN A CAGE
marshallkrich@reddit
Hold you up to the flames
pinballrocker@reddit
Yes, we become less visible as we age. But also, if you do your hair a new color, wear some funky glasses, have a cool new outfit, or even wear a band shirt people may recognize, it gives people an opening to praise your fashion choice and say something nice or start a connection. I often wear band tshirts and people notice them and comment on them, sometimes we end up chatting about the band. It's pretty common when I'm out for someone to tell me they love the band or say "Great shirt!"
Honest_Road17@reddit
Everyone looks better after a trip to the barber/salon. I personally like silver haired women but if this brings you confidence than good for you. You're the one that you're doing it for.
SheriffBartholomew@reddit
The beard is so difficult to keep tidy. I'm thinking about just going clean shaven again because it's such less effort than trimming a beard every couple of days.
Normal-Philosopher-8@reddit
Iām an older looking 56 who is heavy set, wears no make up and does a simple braid every morning as my hair style. But Iām not invisible - Iām the one strangers ask for directions, or if Iāll take a photo. I clearly look friendly and approachable, but in a nice way.
SheriffBartholomew@reddit
Someone asked me to take their photo a few months ago and I said "don't mind if I do!" as I ran off with their phone. I turned around about 30 yards later and came back to take their picture. They were both shocked, and entertained. Gotta have fun with life or it'll drag us down.
Affectionate_Bid5042@reddit
I know I'm in the minority, but I'm enjoying the invisibility. I also dress for comfort now, too. It's glorious, really!
SheriffBartholomew@reddit
I live in the PNW now and dress like everyone else in the PNW, which is very comfortable. A few days ago I felt like putting on some stylish clothes before running some errands. Black western boots, a nice button up shirt, and some stylish jeans that fit me well. I noticed like 5 different people checking me out in a single store. Everywhere I went people responded differently to me. It was crazy. Of course that wasn't enough to permanently wear that stuff, so I'm back in a puffy down jacket and hiking boots today. LOL
CoffeeOrDestroy@reddit
Me too. Invisibility is now my super power and Iām so much more comfortable in Vans than dress shoes. Iāve also let my hair go natural for the first time since I was 14 and it turns out Iām a brunette after being every color except that over the years.
-wildflower-_@reddit
"Turns out I'm a brunette" had me rolling! š
I started at 14ish too, maybe younger. With Sun-In, of course.
Starbright108@reddit
Me too!
No-Bike7922@reddit (OP)
Honestly, it is! It's like, 'Hey don't expect too much from me! I'm on the Old Spectrum.'
SheriffBartholomew@reddit
I've always been considered a handsome man. People have always responded very well to everything I've said throughout my life, even when I was being stupid. As I approach 50 and my looks have started to change, I noticed that people respond very neutral or dismissive of me. It's true that attractive people have an easier time in life.
No-Lime-2863@reddit
A friend who has always been a bit frumpy went through a gym stage. She got super into working out, got in shape etc. lasted maybe a year or two then she went back to her usual self. I was talking with her one day and she said it was so strange. When she was thin people would just do stuff for her, randomly, give her stuff, etc. it was surreal.
middlingachiever@reddit
Itās true. I stay fit and active, and Iāve seen little change in how people treat me as I age. Iām no longer receiving (much) unwanted male attention at 52, but thatās only a good thing. And I still do get unwanted male attentionā¦just a lot less.
One_Hour_Poop@reddit
"Invisible." Now you know what it feels like to not be attractive.
Good_With_Tools@reddit
I'm going to venture a guess that you're not going to like. This has .ore to do with how you perceive yourself. I can tell from your post that you didn't feel pretty or confident with your old hair. You do now, and people treat you differently. This treatment has much to do with how you carry yourself.
This is not a criticism in any way. I'm super happy for you that you found a $325 way to feel better about your appearance. How you present to the world can have a huge impact on your mental health. (Not always. Some of us don't care or don't have that option.) So, do what makes you feel good, as long as it's not doing you harm.
No-Bike7922@reddit (OP)
I had just come out of raising my two kids and launching them into the world with college expenses. The empty nest was hard and sad. I was going through peri menopause. Covid hit and created income losses.
By the time I grew out the grey, I felt an exhausted shell of myself and was too numb to care if people thought me cute or homely, dowdy. I got used to being homely and dowdy and it did effect my self esteem.
The funny thing about this whole thing is that I did think wow, the blonde hair looks so much better. I was still feeling like the inner drab homely lady though the first few days of blonde and it started dawning on me as people interacted more that dyeing the hair was having a big effect on how people perceived me. I've had a couple of younger men chat me up, just in a friendly way not hitting on me, and was almost startled and bewildered at first by the interactions. I'm looking over my shoulder like, 'You talking to me???'
Good_With_Tools@reddit
Whatever the reason, I'm happy for you. I'm a short, fat 48yo man. My hair was getting thinner and thinner. I finally shaved it, and I think my wife likes it better. I've never been a great looking person, so I've never put much mental energy into worrying about my looks.
But, as I age, I've started to look at it differently. My appearance and my health are a little more connected than I thought. Not just my physical health, but my mental health as well. I started a WFH job a few years ago. Now, I have little reason to put much effort into my day-to-day look. But, I noticed that that attitude started creeping into my hygiene habits as well. Lately, I've started eating better and taking more time to clean myself, and I feel better. I don't look better, but I do feel better.
This matters for a few important reasons beyond myself. When I feel better, I'm a nicer person. I smile more. I'm willing to go out and do more. And this is important for 2 reasons. My wife and my kid. They both deserve a husband and father who is present, who is a positive energy, and who is uplifting. My son just started college, so I know what you're talking about there. I'm doing OK, but he still lives at home. I'm not sure how good I'll do when I'm home alone all the time. I might ditch this job once he's out of college.
middlingachiever@reddit
Agreed. Itās not the hair, itās how you feel and carry yourself. I donāt dye my hair and itās not āwell groomedā. Itās long, wild, and āwitchyā. But it matches my untamed vibe and my spirit.
I feel best bare faced, after lifting heavy in the gym, hair in a high pony, endorphins buzzing. Bounce in my step, shoulders back, face to the sun. In my power.
mldyfox@reddit
I've decided to just embrace the grey after 30 years of coloring my hair. I still look younger than 54, probably because of the roseacea that I just don't bother hiding.
But I'm also fine with being mostly invisible. I like just doing my work in the background. Give me the mission, give me the mission parameters, and then get rhe bleep outta my way. If I've got questions or problems, I'll circle back for help. It's refreshing.
Creepy_Barbar@reddit
I am a natural light blonde and had a hair color accident. My "temporary wash-out" Halloween costume color did NOT, in fact, wash out. I was suddenly dark red, almost auburn with a burgundy tint. I was amazed at how differently I was treated. Women were nicer, men ignored me. It was nice to be invisible for a while and better yet, treated well by other women. I kept it that way for a few months just because I found the whole thing hilarious. I eventually went back to my regular color, but was more aware of how shallow society really is.
Buckeyebornandbred@reddit
I'm going to need to see before and after pics. But to answer your question, once you reach a certain age, you are no longer in the " potential mate" category that makes people instinctively pay more attention to you. Honestly I don't mind it.
Bazoun@reddit
Iām 46F and I donāt colour my hair. Itās still more brown than grey, but the greys are there, and the wrinkles have formed, I look my age, I think.
I am starting to notice that Iām less visible than I used to be. Itās a strange sensation but not necessarily a negative one.
ThatLooksLikeItHurts@reddit
Very similar experience. Dude here. 53, full head of hair, but gray since 40. Nearly white at this point...
We definitely have an age issue in this country. I'm in fantastic shape, attractive, and never had issues in public settings, but when 'salt-and-pepper' hair turned to full white, I'm elderly now. I have senior discounts without asking (not mad, just an observation), I am called 'sir' far more, and now I just blend in. I said the attractive part because I used to be hit on often (by men and women), which is nice, but that has ground to a halt. It was the canary in the coal mine for me.
I debated coloring, but fuck that. Who cares? It has been very interesting to observe, but it is what it is. I'm fine to just fade into the background.
SunshynePower@reddit
I put dark purple in my hair and no one noticed.
I wonder if YOU behaved a little differently, maybe a bit more gregarious? A little more sassy? In some way that attracted more attention?
Regardless, enjoy the fun!
rockpaperscissors67@reddit
My grandmother was platinum blonde for many years after my grandfather died. She worked a professional job and was always put together. She was such a great role model for me.
My hair is brunette and I've worn it short for most of my life. Several years ago, I went platinum and added pastel colors. I loved it but the upkeep was rough. I ended up shaving it all off and letting it grow in healthy. Now I'm kind of annoyed that at almost 58, I only have a handful of not brown hair; I think those hairs might be silver. I'm letting my hair grow so I can eventually have long silver hair. Long grey hair would be good, too.
Frankly, I like being invisible. I like to just go about my business and have people ignore me.
ONROSREPUS@reddit
wait wait wait a 50+ year old woman that still wants to be seen on reddit? Am I in the right sub?
skoltroll@reddit
Yes, and it's the best!!!
You can live your life freely when no one even looks in your direction. Let the kids have all the expectations they want.
greatgrohlsoffire@reddit
Same!!!
LayerNo3634@reddit
Going gray, chopped off my long locks for a super short pixie. I get noticed now. It's not the color, it's the fresh, updated, look.
Squigglepig52@reddit
No, but I don't really look my age. At 57, minimal grey in hair (beard is pretty white if I grow it in, though), not going bald. Same weight I was when I was in my 20s, so - skinny. So, I get compliments on how I look, as opposed to being ignore when I Was younger.
WilliePullout@reddit
Now shave off my pines and punch me in the face.
hdckurdsasgjihvhhfdb@reddit
Been shaving my head ever since I started balding in my mid 20s. Aside from occasionally frightening the small children Iām cool with it and havenāt paid attention to other people
Proud__Apostate@reddit
For the majority of the population, grey makes you look old(er). Obviously do what you want, but we all know appearance is one thing we all get judged by.
Linnie46@reddit
I think there are many things that make people look older than grey hair: being overweight; smoking; excessive alcohol; sun damage; bad teeth; inability to move easily and walk quickly; and poorly dyed hair that has the texture of straw and the colour of baby poop, and is thinning because of the long-term damage to the follicles that hair dye causes.
No-Bike7922@reddit (OP)
I like the blonde. Sure I look 51 but man oh man was it good to feel like I exist more again. I know that sounds weird. It just kinda felt good and nostalgic with people being a bit more interactive. I was getting cozy and comfortable with being invisible lady and it wasn't too bad actually. I've lived too long, experienced too much really to put too much stock in what others think of me either way. I guess it is nice to be paid a little more attention to with the blonde though.
squirtloaf@reddit
I dye my beard and people think I am about 20 years younger than my almost-60.
It kind of freaks me out. When I look in the mirror, I see an old man, but this one cheat and people are like: "I dunno...like 38?"
Makes you realize how inconsequential the cues people look for are.
zeldasusername@reddit
I grew out my hair at 35 and have never had this many compliments about it ever. Currently it's silver, brown and blonde streaks, someone asked me who fix the balayageĀ
I donāt care if I'm ignored or notĀ
SchoolForSedition@reddit
I was disregarded. Frankly Iāve always been somewhat invisible. But now that hate speech against older people is rampant even from trendy younger colleagues at work, maybe the dye will be needed.
Brock_Savage@reddit
With all due respect, by 51 years of age you shouldn't be surprised that people who are well groomed and stylish tend to get more attention than people who aren't.
Cozy_Minty@reddit
Having grey hair doesn't make you ungroomed, what kind of bullshit is that
Brock_Savage@reddit
Where did I say that grey hair is ungroomed? OP got a nice $325 haircut which makes her well-groomed. Why would you assume I am saying OP was ungroomed before? That makes zero sense.
No-Bike7922@reddit (OP)
I get it. I really do!
Misanthropy_Expert@reddit
I had very dark hair when I was young, and I found my first white hairs in my late teens, which was a hard pill to swallow. After my kids were born, I started graying rapidly, so I colored my hair for 15 years. Now, at 52, I've grown out the dye and I have a full head of long, silvery-white hair. I was worried that people would think I looked old, but it's actually been the opposite! Teenagers stop and tell me that my hair is cool, and men especially seem to love it, which I did not expect.
People told me that not coloring my hair was a terrible mistake, and they were wrong. So now I've decided that I will just do what I want and ignore what people say. The older I get, the less I care what they think anyway.
Float_0n@reddit
I'm glad your new colour makes you feel as good as you look. I still dye my hair, and I feel brighter and happier when it's freshly done and that translates to my whole demeanour. I think I look as though I'm happy to engage with the world around me and I bet you're giving off that happy, open vibe too.
NYCpisces@reddit
I am with you. Still dying hair otherwise I would be completely white. Not a look I like for myself. I just talked to my hairdresser that we are going slightly lighter now from all medium brown so it will look more natural and not as dark.
nakedjig@reddit
I (51M) got really lucky with my hair. I started going white on the sides in my mid-20's and got a lot of compliments. Slowly, it all turned white. I never really went gray.
When I was younger, I had dark brown hair and liked to dye it unnatural colors, but I hated what bleach did to my hair, so I didn't do it very often. A few years ago, I decided to see how white hair takes blue/red/green dyes and it turns out, really well.
So here I am, middle aged with a blue mohawk. I get lots of compliments again.
rckblykitn14@reddit
Well shit! As someone who has dyed my hair outrageous colors with and without bleach for the last 35+ years, once it starts going grey I'm definitely going your route!! Love it!!! š
No-Bike7922@reddit (OP)
I had the skunk stripe since late thirties. By late forties, I was like c'mon something has to give. I was beaten down by job and income losses due to Covid. I said, screw it, who cares, let hair go grey. I did and became invisible.
Well good for you! You are a die hard Gen-X keeping 80's punk ALIVE! Honestly, I have not seen a mohawk in ages and ages!
PlumSome3101@reddit
I've had all the semi natural looking colors of hair and it was fascinating seeing how differently I was treated as a blond vs a red head vs brunette or as black haired. Light blonde certainly seemed to rev up more conversations, or get more notice from men generally back in the day.Ā
That aside as a women who was used to drawing attention most of my life it's been really interesting getting into that invisible phase. It is a nice relief to a degree. I do not miss the long creepy stares. On the other hand it definitely has been an adjustment to no longer get a passing glance whether I am dressed up nice or not. My hair is going dull gray. It just makes my natural hair look like the color is washed out. I've lost my red and golden natural highlights. If I dye it it does make a difference in how visible I am.Ā
CptBronzeBalls@reddit
My wife had similar reactions when she started bleaching her hair ~40yo.
Science_Matters_100@reddit
Loving the grey. Itās a nice shade and I like being left alone š
fridayimatwork@reddit
I want to be invisible tho
TakitishHoser@reddit
I'm a 50 year old GenX. I've never cared if people disregard me or if I am invisible, I'm not going to start caring now!
I stopped colouring my hair because I wanted to.
TakitishHoser@reddit
I'm a 50 year old GenX. I've never cared if people disregard me or if I am invisible, I'm not going to start caring now!
I stopped colouring my hair because I wanted to.
dtl72@reddit
Wasnāt there a Seinfeld episode about this?
AccidentalSwede@reddit
I'm 56 and have a much younger-looking face. My hairdresser estimates I'm about 70% gray. People seem to find me utterly confusing, and it cracks me up. One customer at work always calls me "Miss Ma'am". I think he's just hedging his bets lol
I can't wait to be totally gray. I've earned every last one of these beautiful silvery mfs. š¤£
chartreuse_avocado@reddit
Grey is fine. But as a 50-something who wants to continue to work in my professional field the reality is how I look matters to how I am perceived.
Itās wrong. It should absolutely not be that way. And it is reality.
Iāve watch women who go grey and keep it become invisible. Same with if she gains weight - I did and suddenly I was invisible. Lost it and got promoted and put on stage at professional events. Same person doing the same job but views on my worth and abilities changed. š.
Depending on where you work having visible signs of being older can be a career killer on unconscious bias alone.
Again, it is not right. But sidelining happens.
BIGepidural@reddit
Blondes have more fun. Platinum ones get the most attention. Its a thing.
hundredpercentdatb@reddit
Invisibility is a super power, but Iām also a single Genx and a Cali girl. My grey is just starting to go white and has just gone dark, getting some of the honey tones if my youth makes my skin brighter the dark hair really hilights my dark circles. I do foil hilights every 6-9 months (pro does it so itās not stripped) and go dark blonde with toner so it fades to blonde, I can have it re-toned throughout the months between foils and itās refreshed, Iām letting the silver come in behind one ear so Iām not totally denying that Iām going grey but the toner and blowout make me feel like my youthful California girl self and I worry less about concealer under my eyes.
No-Bike7922@reddit (OP)
Yeah, don't underestimate invisibility. Yes, it kinda stings at first. As you get used to, there is this unexpected freedom and lightness in it. Ego takes a bruising but over time it draws you closer to yourself.
invisible-crone@reddit
Most definitely
Hayabusalvr11@reddit
I like being invisible if I am. If I want to make myself known I use my words.
I myself have discounted people based on their looks, after making a snap judgment unconsciously, then been taken aback by what they have said. That's all that's needed. Words.
Least-Sail4993@reddit
I turned blonde a couple of years ago. I definitely get a lot more positive attention from men now. As a brunette (my natural color), not as much.
No-Bike7922@reddit (OP)
Honestly, it's freaking me out. I was a brunette most of my life until 48 ish. I then went steel grey. I recently went platinum blonde and yes younger men now interact. It is the damndest thing.
Least-Sail4993@reddit
Exactly!!
Olderbutnotdead619@reddit
I have a a white patch a la Bonnie Raitt since I was 35. I liked it. Women would compliment me on it. Men would describe me as old. See that old lady there, ask her.... I wasnt. Spouse asked if I was losing my hair there. I'm not. I've been dying it ever since and will continue until I feel up to trying it again. Picking my battles.
yodamastertampa@reddit
I got a small hair transplant last year and got on ozempic and have been working out. I also dye my gray. I get a good amount of looks from women. I am married but still like to looks max.
Dismal_Win5483@reddit
I decided to let my hair go gray because of the cost, the fact that my roots show in less than two weeks, and the chemicals on my scalp. Some people like it, but most donāt. I am invisible and that is hard sometimes because I use to get a lot of attention as a redhead. But Iām not going back to dyeing it so I need to make peace with it.
geekspice@reddit
I've had grey hair (over medium reddish brown) since I was a teenager and I'm now probably 90%. But I have been dyeing the grey hair medium blonde for decades (semi permanent dye) for this exact reason. I know there's no way the grey would be flattering and I'm not ready for old lady hair!
ScoogyShoes@reddit
Same. It's freaky.
Honeybee71@reddit
I donāt have many grays yet, but when I was platinum I got a lot more attention š¤·š»āāļø
No-Bike7922@reddit (OP)
Hehehe, just throw on some red or deep plum lipstick with that platinum. I actually look cute ***for an old gal*****for my age***** with those bolder lip shades with the platinum hair. This honestly is all news to me, who whadda thunk it?
coffeeplease1972@reddit
Glad you're rocking what you wanna rock, OP! I bet you look *fabulous.*
My hair is 60-70% gray, but I'm not invisible b/c of my personal style. Well that, and I'm quick to smile.
Kindred spirits strike up conversations whenever I'm twirling about in the world in my oversized outfits, patterned socks, and chunky shoes. My hair is small fraction of my appearance, but what I'm about is clearly communicated in what I wear. Peeps who vibe with it, say so. And I'm always glad for the interaction and connection. (Also, I'm Asian-American with natural curly hair so I LOVE having black hair with gray "highlights." Lol)
Similar_Welder5894@reddit
Works for Guy Fieri.
Fit_Abroad_9228@reddit
I went grey but I was a natural blonde and my grey is mostly white and silvery. I do get treated different now but I donāt know if the upkeep on color is worth going back for.
PNWOrgonian71@reddit
good for you!
No-Bike7922@reddit (OP)
Heheh yeah I like being blonde. This was a total shock to me to actually like blonde. I kinda threw a dart at the board at hair salon like, 'We could try this?'
pocketdare@reddit
Of course! I think we always tend to forget one of the simplest lessons in life: Appearance matters. We let our friends convince us otherwise but our friends are just trying to make us feel better.
No-Bike7922@reddit (OP)
Yeah you're right. I was beaten down by Covid and lots of hardships at that time. That's how I grew out the dingy grey (for me dingy, others' grey is beautiful) and could care less about being invisible. It was interesting to experience that though. I thought about how I gained weight after second kid years ago then lost it and being struck by how people were more interactive, a tad more friendly post weight loss. Yes, appearance does have an effect and well....it is what it is.
confuzedas@reddit
I would say, as a guy, yes. I have noticed that I get passed over by people 35 and younger for invites out to after work activities. But oddly when out with friends I get a bit more attention from women.Ā in general though, not as much as I would have thought.