Weird moment adding an "emergency contact"

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VanillaCola79@reddit

I have no children. My mom passed 5 years ago and my dad hasn’t spoken to me since she passed. When my partner left for his new great love, I had to list my Aunt who is 4 hours away. It’s so weird to not have anyone local.

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Komaisnotsalty@reddit

Same here. My mom lives nearby, as does my sister. But our mom is 84 and tends to gossip and that includes medical info, so I refuse to use her. She blabs everything to everyone in the family.

My sister I don’t trust (for good reason - there’s a bad history there), so I can’t use her either.

I use an aunt of mine and a nephew. Neither live nearby but I really have no other option.

Kinda weird.

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neonturbo@reddit

My mom is a gossip too, same thing, every little medical thing and she blabs to the whole church and the whole family.

Mom didn't understand why my sister was exasperated about the church knowing sis's "lady part problems". Everyone in the church knows what medications I am on.

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GalianoGirl@reddit

Why not list a friend?

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Hippy_Lynne@reddit

Same. I'm actually still in my hometown but all of my family and most of my friends have either passed away or moved. My "newest" best friend (I've known her for about 15 years) is in the metro area but a good 10 miles from where I live. Everyone else is at least a 45 minute drive. My oldest best friend (35 years) is two and a half hours away and my sister is states away. I usually give one of them as the primary contact and my closer friend as the secondary.

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SnooOnions973@reddit

My best friend is my emergency contact.

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sneakyDoings@reddit

I list my boss as an emergency contact

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in-a-microbus@reddit (OP)

Damn. I hope that's a positive feature of a wonderful working relationship.

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sneakyDoings@reddit

He's irreplaceable. The best manager/supervisor I've worked for

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Umm_is_this_thing_on@reddit

Co-worker. My kid moved out of state for school, bestie just moved away, mom is hard of hearing so phone convos are difficult.

I am gratefully divorced so LOVE my drama-free house and life. This is the only thing.

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SunshynePower@reddit

Similar I moved back home to take care of my dad before he died. Once he passed and I had to fill out emergency contact and beneficiary stuff? I almost cried. Who could I put down now? I actually have an old friend down as my primary contact before a local aunt. THEN I put down my mother. She's not local and even if she was? I'd still put my friend down as the first contact.

I had 20 people I could put down before I came back home. Geez. Sorry oldest friend.

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zombiepeep@reddit

I'm in the same boat.

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yossarian8pizza@reddit

I get it. They grow up way too fast. My son is in med school right now, and I can't wait to get medical advice from the same kid I used to pull Legos out of his nose.

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Chaot1cBliss@reddit

Yep, also assigning your kid (29) as your trustee in the event something happens to both of us at the same time, and assigning the kids to your medical POA if something happens to both of us at the same time. We travel a lot, work full time together, and are basically together 70-80% of our lives, so it’s a real consideration.

My mom would put me on life support and probably stick me in a rocking chair looking out her bedroom window. Only years later would they find my taxidermied body. No way she gets put on there.

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snappa870@reddit

I listed my daughter pretty much the day she turned 18.

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sir_clinksalot@reddit

Totally hear you. I have my wife and my eldest as my emergency contacts. It felt weird to put them on that list when I did. But I have no other family anywhere close to us.

Just make sure you let him know so he's not shocked.

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smss59@reddit

Please tell them they are your emergency contact. My neighbor put me as an emergency contact for their children. I didn’t know. Imagine my surprise when one of their children got sick and the school called me. No big deal. I picked him up and took care of him but it would have been good to know.

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Handbag_Lady@reddit

Hey, at least you have a second one. I have my husband and our cat.

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holidayoffools@reddit

You should get a dog.

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BetterBrainChemBette@reddit

Yeah. The dog is more likely to get help in an emergency.

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katiekat214@reddit

The cat is more likely to cause the emergency.

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BetterBrainChemBette@reddit

I was thinking that too. And they won't even have the decency to step over or go around your body. They will stand on it or lay on it.

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wutwutsugabutt@reddit

At least they’ll lay on it while it’s still warm, for sure.

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ER_Support_Plant17@reddit

The cat will totally ignore the call, at least get a goldfish.

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caseykay68@reddit

My husband died (almost a year ago now). Sometimes Ive put my dad, brother, or a couple close friends. I never had children. Its definitely weird.

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2needles2paradise@reddit

I thought my family would grow larger as we got older. But I have fewer and fewer relatives all the time. Same with my husband. Our older son lives out of state. Our younger son is local, but he's trying to get his career started and we dont want to burden him. We dont have two emergency contacts. It will have to do!

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Few-Pineapple-5632@reddit

Yep. I used to have my sister in law as the second. She’s pretty old now. I have 3 kids M 23, F 23, and M 21. I have recently started putting my daughter as the second in case issues are “female” in nature.

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thewriteanne@reddit

If you don’t have them yet, please also set up your health care proxy and power of attorney documents. Accidents never happen at convenient times. If you wait to do it, you may lose your window.

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cl0ckw0rkman@reddit

I just did the same thing. I use to use my parents. They lived close and are retired. They now live four hours away.

I would never use my older sister. My wife died over 13 years ago.

Filling out paperwork and it asked for an emergency contact. I sat there for a good moment and was like, Who the hell do I know?

Put my son's(21) number down. Only asked for one. Have no idea who else I would put down if they needed a second one.

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SammieCat50@reddit

My eldest is my emergency contact. If he doesn’t recognize the number I’m shit out of luck

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Interesting-Long-534@reddit

I put my son down as emergency contact whenever necessary because he answers his phone. My husband doesn't. He is 30 now, but he has been my main go-to since he was in his early 20s.

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Adorableviolet@reddit

I also have a 20 year old. She probably wouldn't come if called. haaa

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mybloodyballentine@reddit

My emergency contact is in hospice. My parents are 80+. Not married, no kids, brothers and SIL and niece in another state. I better make some friends fast.

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bingbongloser23@reddit

My parents are in their 80s. I feel fortunate to be married. No children and my friends are either out of state or have their own physical issues.

If something happens to my wife I would probably list my nephew. He is the closest to me. Maybe a trusted neighbor for immediate contact and just give them a list of numbers in case something happens.

Makes me think.

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GeminiFade@reddit

Reading all of this is stressing me out, from a healthcare point of view. In most states, your spouse can make medical decisions for you. After that, it can get muddy. Please check your local laws, in some states, without a spouse it goes to your adult children, if you have them, but legally they have to all agree on your treatment, estrangement doesn't matter. Friends or other relatives can't make medical decisions for you unless you have a medical power of attorney that names them specifically.

Please, get a medical POA drawn up, otherwise, your local hospital may have to put off treatment while the legal stuff gets sorted. In the case of a stroke, that delay can mean the difference between recovering or dying or having permanent deficits.

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Hippy_Lynne@reddit

About five years ago my best friend took on the care of his mother who was in mid-stages of Alzheimer's. Seeing how he was with her prompted me to make him my medical POA. That said, I told him if I don't know who and where I am, let me go. His mother developed breast cancer and had to undergo radiation and a mammogram. It was successful and she got several more years, and I'm not saying he made the wrong choice in her case. But for me personally, when my mind is gone I don't want my body hanging around being a burden.

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bendar1347@reddit

Do your will homie. Just a reminder. If you're having trouble with your emergency contact, you should probably get that straight as well. Not to make it weird, but its something you should get sorted.

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Fabulous-Tap-4006@reddit

Bless you for this post. I had the same feeling last week when filling out new patient paperwork at a new doc and thought it was just me.

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molsmama@reddit

I have zero emergency contacts. They harassed me about it at work (and I’m the boss.) They finally settled on me providing my home address so they could at least locate my body at home/call for a welfare check. Done. Easy breezy.

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Titania_2016@reddit

Yeah , i'm updating my will , and my health care designations and all of that , and it is tough. I have someone that has been a best friend.Currently i can't really call her that, but she is still a close friend and I know she'll do it for me because i've done similar for her. But if the time comes and she's not around, I have to pick one of my kids as an alternate to do it.And I don't want to put them in that position.No matter how old they are it's a tough spot to be in.

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NCBronco@reddit

When my husband and I were in a car accident (no major injuries thankfully), we immediately called our 22 year old son instead of my elderly parents. That’s when I realized our son was truly a responsible adult. He even drove me to the ER to get checked out.

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Beneficial-You663@reddit

My son works at the same place I do. I put him down as my first emergency contact at work. He’s already there…so.

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HenryLoggins@reddit

He’s not a kid, he’s a 20 year old man.

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Mommy-Dearest15@reddit

I list one of my sons as EC. He's a paramedic so if they need the okay for any kind of medical he's definitely the one they need to talk to even over my spouse.

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Remarkable-Daikon-42@reddit

Have no family left at all except my 2 daughters who are late teens in the very early 20s. Hate putting that on them.

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annagrace00@reddit

My oldest son is 20 and moved out. I was reviewing his high school brothers' emergency contact list before school started and added him.

He's real far down the list, though, so I assured him it was unlikely he'd be called. But I laughed a little when I did it.

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rini6@reddit

My husband passed suddenly less than three weeks ago. I’m going to have to use my kids for this too. My sister lives in California and I’m on the east coast. My dad has dementia and my mother has passed on. My daughter is going to be thirty one soon. I’m old.

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ebeth_the_mighty@reddit

I’m so sorry for your loss!

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Beetso@reddit

I know you meant well, but for future reference, exclamation points are usually considered to be pretty inappropriate for messages of condolence.

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rini6@reddit

Thank you

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Unusual_Season_7196@reddit

At least you have them. Once my mom goes,I have no blood contacts that drive. Neither can drive, so both would be dependent on others to get them to the hospital if needed.

Is there a service where ppl can volunteer to be emergency contacts for those of us who are childfree?

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CAWildKitty@reddit

I’ve thought how good it would be to create something like that! App based so it’s easy and set it up like Task Rabbit. You can enter your info and scroll thru options like Emergency Contact or Healthcare Driver (for colonoscopies,etc), maybe even Reliable Roommate to create co-living arrangements to pair up older people and younger people. The arrangement itself would be between you and the designated contact, including if there’s a payment or not. I even thought of calling it The Mutual Aid Society.

But then I thought of all the legal liabilities that could along with something like that and backed off the idea. Which might be why no one has done this yet.

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infinitynull@reddit

I have no one. I put a made up name and my number.

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ladoril2@reddit

I put my 30 year old daughter, we haven't talked in two years and she doesn't know she's my contact. I just think she might like the heads up if I die.

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earthgarden@reddit

But he’s a kid you raised, so. Trust that you did at least an ok job

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Wldchld73@reddit

My problem comes because I've never married and I don't have kids. I have an aunt that is the closest reliable person living near me, but she's definitely getting up there, her kids are useless unless they want something from me. My sister lives about 5 hours from me, she's 10 years older than me. Oh and to make things really fun, I'm a Type 1 diabetic.

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deagh@reddit

This isn't going to make you feel better but I had to sign hospital paperwork for my mom when I was 18. I got through it. Best you can do for him is to have clear directives on what you want done in that kind of scenario, so he knows what your wishes are and is just carrying them out, rather than making the decision.

I had to make the decision and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

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DTW_Tumbleweed@reddit

My mom is deaf and doesn't answer her phone. All other family lives 2000 miles away. I have a friend from college who is also single and no kids. He's my emergency contact and my POA on my DNR.

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JustHereforNachos@reddit

I am now single with no family at all. Worst moment always. I put my friend/ neighbor.

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SanJuanMountains@reddit

This question stresses me out so much. I’m the only one here with no family and one friend. Like I have no idea. Call the ambulance I guess.

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Mobile-Boss-8566@reddit

I’ve got some cousins down as EC’s

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Ok_Schedule5017@reddit

I do my husband and our daughter. She’s local and the oldest.

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TurtleToast2@reddit

gif

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Ok_Schedule5017@reddit

I reread it and laughed. Fixed. 😂😂😂😂

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Phobos1982@reddit

No kids, never married. I list a co-worker/friend as my emergency contact.

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Leucotheasveils@reddit

I used to put my dad as one of my emergency contacts. He’s still alive, but no longer any use in an emergency. I don’t know who I’d put other than my spouse.

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brande1281@reddit

There were a few years between my mother dying and my daughter turning 18 that I had no emergency contacts. She's still my only one.

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introvert_tea@reddit

My kids are my emergency contacts. It was a humbling moment when I did it for the first time. They're going to be 27 this month and 26 for the younger one next month.

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Itscurtainsnow@reddit

Had to put my 19yp son as my closest relative contact the other day. Was definitely a moment of reflection.

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finny_d420@reddit

I am a few friends designated plug puller. Thankfully one of those people is mine. I'm childless, mother deceased, sperm donor is....well name says it all, estranged from half-siblings and both sides extended family, never married and currently single. I currently house share and those people are my current emergency contacts and they know to contact my plug puller if necessary.

I'm under no delusion that if I'm living alone at some point in the future they may not find my corpse for a fair amount of time if I say slip and fell in the shower.

Life Alert will be my youth and my old age.

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Unexpectedly99@reddit

My son is 22 and my daughter is 18. They are both very clear on our wishes should something happen to us together or at different times. If you haven't had that talk, now is the time. Make sure you are very clear and even better have a living will and medical directive in place.

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artsy7fartsy@reddit

I put my son because he’s way more responsible than my husband- honestly you need to pick who you know is good in a crisis

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Intelligent-Injury54@reddit

This!!! My husband is obviously first but he sucks in an emergency -so my most responsible, resourceful friend is a very close second.

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Dogzillas_Mom@reddit

You might have to rely on that 20-year-old kid to decide to pull the plug on you or not. It’s time to have a talk and tell him what you want and then make it official with an advanced directive, living will, whatever you call it. Also do the medical power of attorney so he can consent to your life saving surgery.

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Retoromano@reddit

Thanks for reminding me. I live on a different continent than my family, and my passport renewal is coming up. My mom was always my emergency contact/reference. Unfortunately she died earlier this year. This will be fun!

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RedditSkippy@reddit

Last year when I renewed my US passport, the form asked for an emergency contact. For the past three passports I used one of my parents. I realized that one or both parents might not be alive by the time my current passport expires. Even if they are, do I really feel like people in their 80s will be able to navigate an emergency? I used my sister.

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wildrose76@reddit

My emergency contact is my brother, who lives on the other side of the country. My sister would be closer, but she’s still a full day’s drive away.

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reporterbabe@reddit

Yup. My kids are in their 20s and both of them plus my husband are my emergency contacts.

My mother is dead and my father is in a mental hospital.

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Greedy_Guard_5950@reddit

But wait, do you have power of attorney over your adult children? If not you won’t be able To get medical information for them in an emergency as they are an adult. Please get POA over your young unmarried adult children

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KurtStation68@reddit

My family is in another state, 2 hour flight - my son and ex lives in Australia. I really only have a friend to rely on if things get dicey.

I haven't had to fill out those kind of forms.

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mldyfox@reddit

My emergency contact is my ex husband. We're friendly, and are co guardians to our autistic son. If something happens to me, he needs to know so he can be ready to step in to the day to day stuff.

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saramole@reddit

If my partner and I aren't available for kids or each other we have no one local. My FIL is cognitively impaired, Partner's sister is completely unreliable and likely drunk. My family is all in another country. I have work colleagues (healthcare) I'd trust but again not local as I work remotely.

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wino12312@reddit

I'm a widow. And both my emergency contacts are my kids.

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Curious_Instance_971@reddit

Yeah I only have my husband down, and at some point I’ll have to add my kids. Just thought about that recently.

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PurpleGreyPunk@reddit

I’ve been divorced for a decade. Both kids are adults now so they’re my emergency contacts. It’s definitely weird

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GarthRanzz@reddit

The only emergency contact I have is my girlfriend of 12 years. It’s like asking for references. I have none.

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asphaltbrunette@reddit

I recently had to list some emergency contacts for my high schooler. My in-laws live nearby, but my FIL's recent cognitive decline rules him out. I had to list my 19-year old son instead. He is very responsible and reliable, but it still gave me pause.

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MNConcerto@reddit

Thankful to have my husband, brother, and long time best friend as options for emergency contacts. I'm sure that will change in time.

Our children are in their late 20s, early 30s so their time is coming.

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ccourter1970@reddit

My son is it. No clue who I will choose if he predeceases me. Not choosing 2, either.

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elphaba00@reddit

I still put down my mom and husband. But in a few years, it may shift to my son taking my mom's position. He's going to be 19 in a week, but I don't think he's quite ready. But he will need to get there. When he turned 18, he was a little confused when I said that I couldn't sign for him anymore.

An ancedote about emergency contacts. A few years ago, a friend's mom needed to go to the hospital for a medical emergency. She was found by a repairman who then immediately called 911. My friend's parents were long divorced and estranged. My friend herself was estranged from her dad. So the only contact the police could find through their resources was my friend's aunt on her dad's side. They called her. Fortunately, she had my friend's number. Unfortunately, this story does not have a positive resolution, but my friend was able to make it down and make some decisions.

After this, I learned that Illinois keeps an emergency contact database through the state police. This is if you are involved in a traffic crash or have a medical emergency where you cannot communicate directly with law enforcement or emergency responders. I immediately went in and put in some information.

https://www.ilsos.gov/departments/drivers/ecd.html

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Swimming_Site3758@reddit

Ohio does the same thing with thr drivers license. I signed myself.l, my husband, and our daughter up.

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MorganFerdinand@reddit

I only have my mom to list, and it's really so someone will contact her if anything happens to me. She can't really DO anything. I mean, she can say yes to surgery on my behalf, but that's about it.

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2_Bagel_Dog@reddit

I was in the inverse situation. When my parents divorced, my Dad had me as a signatory on his bank account - just in case. I forgot completely about this in the following years.

When he was near the end with cancer, it became a scramble to undo that so his wife would have full access to the account.

He was still well enough that we both found it funny that was still in place. I was a teen when my parents divorced....

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CoffeeOrDestroy@reddit

It is weird for sure. Make sure he knows your medical wishes in case of serious emergency. Young adults can panic in emergencies and make bad choices. I guess my previous sentence applies to all humans, but more often with younger ones.

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Suspicious_Time7239@reddit

I didn't have an EC until my sons came of age. It's a horrible feeing but I'm thankful they have me and I have them. It's a lot more than some.

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caarmygirl@reddit

The last time I had to update my contact list was 6 months ago. Apparently it was past time to update #’s 2 & 3. I had a hard time:

1) The Hubster (8yrs older than I)

2) My dad (died in Feb 2019)

3) My uncle (died in Oct 2019)

I put my oldest daughter (moving 4 states away soon) and my youngest son (24 and wired different, can, but doesn’t drive), because I can’t trust the middle two kids to find their way out of a paper bag.

I would put my oldest SIL but she’s got physical mobility issues and I refuse to add to my BIL’s (her Hubster) current load. He’d 100% do it, but I’m not even willing to ask.

My one granddaughter is 13 and when she hits 18, she’ll be changed out and the one grandson is 6, and he’s the next best option.

We’ve got other grandkids in between those ages, but….so yeah. le sigh I hear ya’.

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Rent2326@reddit

My college aged son is my emergency contact now after my husband died 2 years ago. My parents are states away so they were not a good option.

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Trolkarlen@reddit

Wait 10 years and your son will be the most likely person for you to rely on.

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GoddessRayne@reddit

Yep my kids and husband are emergency contact. It’s surreal sometimes.

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Zealousideal_Sink420@reddit

I informed my son he was my local adult when he turned 18 last winter. We don’t have any local family. His eyes got big for a minute, but he accepted it. (We have family that could be here within a day, so he’s not completely on his own being my adult.) But this is still the kid that is learning to make his own doctor’s appointments, so definitely in case of emergency only!! And the call grandma or an aunt/uncle for help!!