Would British people consider this rude or just casual conversation?

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CrossCityLine@reddit

Not only rude but bringing up eating dogs is racist AF. Its been illegal there for years now.

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This is somewhat true, but not entirely. There are still around 300 restaurants selling it today. The ban on breeding, slaughtering, selling, distributing dog meat takes effect in 2027 however that doesn't criminalise the consumption, only the processing. Consumption has gone down considerably, but millennial-aged people grew up in the 90s when thousands of restaurants sold it widely.

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oboyohoy@reddit

A lot of people in Europe eat cusine centred around meat and the industrial meat complex and treatment of animals is pretty bad. If the girlfriend's family are vegans or vegetarians I can see it being reasonable to be upset about others eating animals but most likely based on how they phrased it they just find it amoral and gross to eat dogs while they themselves most likely consume pigs, cows and chickens. But I guess they deserve to be eaten compared to dogs?

Dogs were literally made (bred) to love and respect us.

Cows and chickens were made (bred) to be eaten by us. They have nowhere near the same view on us.

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StarShipYear@reddit

You have a hard time not seeing it as racist, but you haven't, and I still don't see, what makes it explicitly racist. For it to be racist you would need to understand the intent behind the comment, which we don't know.

I can illustrate what I mean: This is a BBC about dog meat consumption and the ban https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c20r7lkel68o

Would you claim the article is racist because it doesn't cover the consumption of non-dog meat?
If it's racist to bring up dog meat as a food in Korea, then why is the Korean government bringing in a ban?

You can say it's rude. You can also say it's hypocritical. But you really need to jump through hoops to connect the dots and call it racist. I'm yet to see a reasonable argument for it based on what OP has said.

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lost_send_berries@reddit

For it to be racist you would need to understand the intent behind the comment, which we don't know.

Right, we need a written confession from the racist, otherwise we will never really know why dog meat was brought up at a family dinner with a Korean guest 🙄

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StarShipYear@reddit

we need a written confession

No, you would need to know the intent. I'm happy to hear your point so please:

Define what racism is first so that I understand that we are talking about the same thing here. In a nutshell, mine is to judge a person because of their race, skin colour, or ethnic background. Do you agree?
If you agree with the definition, does bringing up dog meat count as racism? And if so, why?

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6597james@reddit

lol. Imagine if the boyfriend was black and the family randomly said “so, what about all the crime committed by black people?”

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StarShipYear@reddit

But OP hasn't mentioned their race. Only that they are Korean. We don't know what they look like or what their colour of skin is.

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One-Prize-78@reddit

They were talking about Korea and its food. Someone was saying it was shit and then they launched into eating dogs in a derogatory way.

They're talking about something that culture does (eat dogs) that theirs doesn't do in a derogatory way while their culture does (arguably) just as equally horrid things to other animals. This is 'racism' because a cultural difference from Korea is being singled out to justify their views about Korean culture.

The only thing I slightly agree with you on is that lots of 'races' live in Korea so it's not technically about race but that's not the point anyone is making and it feels like you're just being nitpicky to derail the conversation. This is a conversation about a culture not skin and you know that.

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StarShipYear@reddit

Thanks for a reasonable response. However where you say:

you're just being nitpicky

But actually, what I'm bringing up is quite important. These details absolutely matter when defining what is and isn't racism. Because it is about a Korean, the conclusion many in this thread have jumped to is that the negativity must be a result of racism. However when asked to define or explain that, most are unable to explain or justify their thought process.

They're talking about something that culture does (eat dogs) that theirs doesn't do in a derogatory way while their culture does (arguably) just as equally horrid things to other animals.

But do you understand that to bring up one "horrid" thing isn't to justify another? And even if it was, it isn't explicitly tied to the persons culture or race?

Let me give an example: if an Asian person brings up the subject of gun control to an American, is that racist?

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One-Prize-78@reddit

It depends how it's done. If people were talking about the wider issues with the culture like, say, the deaths in US and that came up then fair enough.

If, however, someone was talking about black folks and launched into a talk about gun crime (as if most school shootings and domestic terrorism wasn't by white folks) then its being used out of context to justify crapping on an 'other' group. In this case she could've just stopped at "I hate Korean food" but launched into a rant about eating dogs.

Also you keep asking where they mentioned skin colour as if everyone from a race is a uniform colour or as if culture isn't derided as a part of racism. This makes me think you're trolling.

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StarShipYear@reddit

It depends how it's done. If people were talking about the wider issues with the culture like, say, the deaths in US and that came up then fair enough.

If a British family invited an American to their home and "then started talking about guns", would it be racist? Because by your own logic I would assume Yes, correct?

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One-Prize-78@reddit

Gun control is entirely different. Korea has hundreds of cultural dishes that don't involve dogs, to crap on Korean cuisine using dog eating as your focus is genericising things down to a single point to justify an unnuanced bigoted view. I'd have had to ask "Oh, you don't like all Korean food because some of them have dog? Do you hate all French food because of snails? No?"

As for gun control: if I, as a Brit, invited a US person over and the topic of gun control came up and I said the policy was crazy, that wouldn't be bigoted because its not genericising all US people. If however I was crapping on black/white culture in general and used gun deaths as a reason it is crap that would be bigoted at best, racist more likely.

She was crapping on all Korean cooking and genericising it by justifying her view because of the use of dog meat.

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StarShipYear@reddit

But you say:

if I, as a Brit, invited a US person over and the topic of gun control came up and I said the policy was crazy, that wouldn't be bigoted because its not genericising all US people.

Then:

She was crapping on all Korean cooking and genericising it by justifying her view because of the use of dog meat.

But how is "crapping on all Korean cooking" "genericising all Korean people"? Answer that first and foremost because the logic you are using doesn't stack up.

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One-Prize-78@reddit

Would I be racist if during a talk about Black cultural food I say I don't like Black cultural food because fried chicken is greasy and gross?

I'd say yes because I'm reducing Black cultural cuisine to the stereotype food that people say Black people eat when being derogatory or dismissive. It ignores all the other African, Caribbean, European, etc Black cultural dishes and hangs my whole dislike on a negative, unfair stereotype typically used by racists.

We may not agree (and that's fine, I wish you well) but that's what I see that she did (and again, we may disagreeand thats fine). She stated she didn't like Korean food and referenced a single negative point that's used by racists to deride Asian people as her reasoning. That's my position. Agree to disagree.

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XihuanNi-6784@reddit

This is pathetic trolling of the lowest kind now. Back in your box racist.

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techno_babble_@reddit

Eating dog meat isn't race specific, it's a cultural practice.

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What’s your ethnicity? If I may ask

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One-Prize-78@reddit

But it's about deriding another culture for bigoted reasons, that's bigotry at minimum. Your whole bar for something being racist or not seems to hinge on the mention of skin colour but that makes little sense.

I know extremely light skinned asian folk who look white but when someone imitates their accent or dress that's racist because racism isn't just about skin, it's about genericising a whole group and their culture not just skin tone.

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StarShipYear@reddit

Your whole bar for something being racist or not seems to hinge on the mention of skin colour but that makes little sense

Well yes, because race does have a lot to do with skin colour lol.

it's about genericising a whole group and their culture not just skin tone.

But how is talking about dog meat genericising a whole group and their culture? Is talking about guns infront of an American genericising a whole group and their culture?

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One-Prize-78@reddit

To your point about skin colour: Not really. There are very pale skinned people from other races that appear white. By example, in segregated America businesses used to put up signs saying "No Blacks. No Jews. No Irish." Jews and Irish are/can be as white as the 'real Americans' that were being discriminated against. It was about culture and origin not skin. ...but again, you're trolling as nobody thinks racism is just about skin colour. I replied on the off chance you genuinely believe racism is just about skin colour.

Your point about genericising culture: the point about Asian cultures eating cats and dogs has long been used by racists to crap on Asian culture. By example, if they were talking about black cultural food and she launched into how she hates fried chicken and watermelon, that reads as racism. Mainly because nobody was talking about those specific examples and Black cultural food is wide and varied so to go straight to the stereotype used by racists out of all the examples is clearly derogatory.

Maybe she is bothered by the eating of dogs but she wasn't talking about cruelty or ethical food production, she was shitting on all Korean food then in the next breath reached into 'The racists guide to Stereotypes' and pulled out dog eating. Again, this is like talking about black culture and all you add is sagging jeans and gun crime as if African nations are all the same and add nothing else. Its dog whistling to say "we didn't mention skin colour".

TLDR: "No Jews. No Irish. No dogs." was racism during segregation because of genericised, Stereotyped views of races not skin colour.

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StarShipYear@reddit

No, you are entirely missing my point. You keep talking about how it's not just skin colour, then bring up skin colour in your examples. For example:

Again, this is like talking about black culture and all you add is sagging jeans and gun crime as if African nations are all the same and add nothing else.

But actually my question was this:

Is talking about guns infront of an American genericising a whole group and their culture?

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One-Prize-78@reddit

Also, in one of my replies I was a bit snotty because I thought you were trolling. Now I cans see you're on the level and I apologise.

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One-Prize-78@reddit

You brought up skin colour to justify it not being racist 2 or 3 times before I commented. I responded with the point that racism is about more than skin tone and is about culture too. I was just answering that point you made.

I've brought up black and white, etc since to illustrate that point. I could be entirely racist by referring to gun crime and rap music every time people talk about gun control without ever mentioning skin colour.

Meanwhile a Lhasa Apso would be a shit guide dog because they're just not very intelligent dogs

So are some dog breeds fair game?

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RagingMassif@reddit

If MacDonalds did Yappy Dogs, Lhasa Apso's or XL Bullies, I'd try them.

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EpicFishFingers@reddit

Until then, those dogs shall continue to bite us instead

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saccerzd@reddit

Pigs are often considered more intelligent than dogs, especially in specific areas of problem solving.

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InternationalRide5@reddit

There are also guide horses.

And the French and others eat horse meat.

For me, horses are an uncomfortable place where pet and food meet.

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RagingMassif@reddit

I'm too British on that

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tcpukl@reddit

How is it racist stating facts?

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Did_OJ_Simpson_do_it@reddit

Koreans aren't brown or black for a start.

Is it also racist for a Pakistani to be appalled at Brits eating black pudding or for a Hindu to be appalled at Brits eating steak and hamburgers?

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bitofrock@reddit

Yep. A dog isn't wildly different in terms of intelligence or emotions to a pig. And being around goats was what made me realise I wasn't comfortable with eating animals any more. They're the funny, so easy to play with and so smart...then we slaughter them when they're not useful any more... Brits don't eat a lot of goat, but their dogs probably do...

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intenseskill@reddit

How is it racist? If it is something they do and in their eyes is not so taboo then no not really racist.

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CrossCityLine@reddit

If it is something they do

It isn’t.

in their eyes is not so taboo

It is.

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JamJarre@reddit

Yeah it is true that some Koreans eat dog. Historically and currently

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intenseskill@reddit

Stereotypes are not racist. Or at least not inherently racist. It depends on intent. Just because you'd decide something is racist does not make it so.

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StarShipYear@reddit

It isn’t.

But that is factually incorrect. Here is a BBC report: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c20r7lkel68o

Racial stereotyping can be positive.

Always thinking the Chinese kid is always good at maths. The black dude has a mum at home that always cooks him some food made with love. The Italians with a close-knit family and the Japanese always being polite.

Racism has negative connotations.

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MaidInWales@reddit

Stereotyping often has its roots in racism.

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HotPinkLollyWimple@reddit

I had to call my 98yr old grandma out for being racist recently. I know things were different in the past, but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn and modify our behaviour.

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ozgirl28@reddit

Do you really think a 98 yo is going to learn and modify??

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HotPinkLollyWimple@reddit

Honestly, yes. I think a lot of this kind of behaviour comes from fear of the unknown. She still lives on her own, but has help. She lives in a very white area and has done for 65 years. She’s 4 foot nothing and generally frail.

The guy who used to come and look after her feet has left and a new man came. He’s a big black guy, which was a surprise to her when he came. She was telling me how gentle he was and that they’d talked about their childhoods. She then said she wished he was wearing a ‘normal’ suit and not a dress. She couldn’t remember which country he was from, but somewhere in Africa, so we looked at styles of clothes on the internet and talked about people being different. I don’t know if she’ll remember the next time she sees him, but I hope I have allayed some of her fear.

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Zealousideal_Gur2460@reddit

I don't think not liking how someone is dressed is racist. She can display dislike without it being a racist thing. Like a burka. I don't like them but I'm not about to tell anyone not to wear them I just wish they didn't exist

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Baby8227@reddit

At 98 I would say it’s more fear and misunderstanding rather than racism. Children who can’t speak will be frightened of that which is not usual to them.

My sister screamed blue murder the first time my mum brought home a Nigerian nursing student for tea at our house. The more she saw him however, the more calm she became. He was just so different from all she knew and it took time for her fears to he allayed.

Please don’t try to label every little thing as racist.

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False_Crew_6066@reddit

However, your sister was demonstrating racism. It’s precisely fear of the unknown / distain of what’s different that racism comes from. I agree that sometimes the label is best left out though as people get defensive and are less likely to amend their views. Same with misogyny / sexism / rape culture it would seem. Drives me nuts but it can be best to tiptoe and explain things in less inflammatory language

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When my great grandma was in her 90s before she went into a home, she had an infection in her leg, and the nurse that came to clean it at home was a guy from Nigeria. When we went to see her, she said, 'The nurse came yesterday and he was Black!' I held my breath expecting something racist, but she went on to say that he was very gentle and kind to her and that she thought he was sexy. We cried with laughter, and I was relieved she didn't say something awful. The nurse did show up while we were there, and he was wonderful and so gentle with her.

When she did go into a home, her two favourite nurses were another Nigerian man and a lady from the Philippines, and she loved them. She had dementia by then and initially seemed a bit wary of the Nigerian, and there were a couple of instances where she did say something a bit off colour but by then she had full blown dementia and barely remembered who any of us were, so educating her wouldn't have achieved anything. By the time she passed, the Nigerian man was her favourite. She he had always asked for him to look after her. And yes, once or twice, she said he was sexy too! She would even flirt with him. The phlipina lady was such a sweetheart. I only met her when my great grandma died and we went to the home to collect her belongings. She was heartbroken, and I remember her putting her hand on my shoulder and telling me my grandma was 'an amazing lady I was lucky to have known.' Apparently, the other nurse was really upset she had passed too. She had become one of his favourite ladies, and would call her that, 'my favourite lady'.

People in their 90s are from a totally different time. We can help them understand and overcome a fear of the unknown, which is where a lot of it comes from I think. They simply didn't have as much exposure to different races in their time. You can educate them sure, and some do change their outlook. As long as the nurse is good with her, I'm sure she'll come to like him. It's just a lack of understanding but ultimately the cure to it is exposure to people that are different. I think it's wonderful your grandma is still so independent at 98. My great grandma passed at 97 and went into a home at 94 after the dementia progressed to the point she couldn't live independently anymore.

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KittyGrewAMoustache@reddit

My granny also fell in love with a Nigerian man when she was at the end of life with dementia in her 90s. He was the chef at the nursing home. She was convinced they were getting married and that she was having his baby, she was over the moon about it and he was really kind to her even though it was obviously awkward for him to have a nonagenarian lady telling everyone she was pregnant with his baby! 😄

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SleipnirSolid@reddit

It sounds like you did it in a nice way. I hope you did. At 98yo I feel like they've basically 'completed' the game of life and even if they asked to take a shit on my head I'd not be offended.

She should know better. Old age is supposed to increase wisdom. There is no excuse.

... right..

You know what old age doesn't do, though? Grant you inherent knowledge of all newly accepted and newly barred words.

People used to call Chinese folk "orientals" and it wasn't racist. Now it is.

If your gran refers to a Chinese person as an oriental, she isn't being racist, she's just being unaware that times have changed the perspective on that word and phrasing.

So, I guess there is an excuse, after all, if you think about the situation for more than 2 seconds...

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fitlikeabody@reddit

Well done you. Bet that really felt good and powerful

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tinymoominmama@reddit

When's the cut off then? How old do you have to be to get a free pass?

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ozgirl28@reddit

It’s not a free pass. You don’t have to condone it. But I think most people would roll their eyes and move on. At 98, cognitive behaviours are not really going to change, are they?

My late mum passed away at 91 last year. She could be incredibly judgmental and perhaps racist but there was no way she could or would change her opinion of anything once her mind was made up.

My life was much easier once I accepted that.

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lonehorizons@reddit

You make it sound like being an arsehole should be treated like a disability.

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ozgirl28@reddit

Dementia and cognitive decline are very difficult things to navigate in a loved one. It’s hard and hurtful and can be very frustrating to be on the receiving end of.

I had to call my 98yr old grandma out for being racist recently.

You had to? What did she do?

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Senjii2021@reddit

Jesus. Leave her alone. She's lived long enough to be exempt from your millennial/Gen Z fragile sensibilities

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InstructionLess583@reddit

Well done you! You tell that nearly century old bitch what is what! Who does she think she is having an opinion that doesn't fit the current approved list nearly 100 years after she was born.

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Rude and ignorant. Plus equating any one person with the cuisine of their country is downright racist, and plain dumb!

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slade364@reddit

People associate English people with fish and chips. Are they racist? Because I don't think any of us care.

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Weewoes@reddit

Ahh to be fair now we dont really look down on eating fish and chips the way we do on those eating dogs you know? Personally I obviously find eating dog to be weird but I dont really care if thats what they eat in other countries.

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euclideum@reddit

(A lot of Indians have the same reaction to eating cows as westerners have to eating dogs)

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LondonPilot@reddit

Agree.

“I’m not a fan of Korean food from the few times I’ve tried it” - fine, that’s opinion, and everyone is entitled to an opinion.

“I’ve never had Korean food, tell me more about it” - great! We can’t all know everything about every topic, and wanting to know more is admirable.

“Korean food is shit” - rude. If you’ve tried it and don’t like it, that’s rude. If you’ve never tried it, even more rude.

There's two things going on here:

UK family dynamics generally being far more relaxed than East Asian families - there is no age hierarchy. There is no power you gain with age, and no automatic respect "just because".

So Bohemia away!

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BastardsCryinInnit@reddit

You’re telling me you never heard the phrase “respect your elders” growing up?

Even if anyone has (I have), in UK culture the phrase is defo more of a moral guideline than a social hierarchy.

Be curteous to older people, but it doesn’t automatically mean we have to place them above younger people in terms of authority, pecking order or decision making.

Respect in ths UK is something that’s ideally earned through characer and behaviour, not simply granted because of age.

But in East Asian cultures, especially Korean, there’s a deeply rooted age based hierarchy within families and society. Age determines status, language use, decision making roles, and social obligations. Younger people are expected to defer to elders automatically, to follow their guidance, use formal language, and accept that authority comes with seniority. This isn’t about individual behaviour as much as it is about cultural structure and duty.

Ah now, come on, that's being mean to our old PM.

He was making racist comments where the newspapers couldn't hear him, too, no doubt!

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NotMyFirstChoice675@reddit

Live laugh love

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Salaried_Zebra@reddit

And if their incredibly insensitive remarks are anything to go by, failed their tests in both.

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Junior-Ad-4797@reddit (OP)

My girlfriend’s grandfather used to be a banker, and he spoke with an RP accent. They even have an elevator in their house, so they seemed wealthy. He was nice and funny.

The woman who mentioned the dog meat meal said she used to work for someone of very high status like royalty, so my gf said she’s good at dealing with high class people

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LuckiiDevil@reddit

RP? I honestly can't figure out what this is

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They even have an elevator in their house

Which floor are they on 🤣

I find posh people to be more racist and more dangerously racist. I know what you mean about different income levels leading to different kinds of attitudes though. Private schools and absolute lack of understanding privilege in posh people- sometimes more hidden or closet - other times crazy at gatherings and stuff , then more kind of in your face, dumb racism in badly educated people... Both of which grow up with racism being normalised.

But I would say there is no age hierarchy... It's like a big no no in UK. Like, even a lack of respect for older people even if they are lovely people.

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IhaveaDoberman@reddit

Ah, the classic only dumb poor people are racist.

Untill you're actually getting into true upper classes, titles and landed gentry. Family dynamics vary wildly by family, with class having fuck all to do with it.

It all depends on how "traditional" the family is, the more traditional the stricter the age hierarchy. And that's true for families that come from a one up one down mining town all the way to 10 generations at the same boarding school. Some will be immensely casual, some won't.

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OldGuto@reddit

The "reddit class" can be clueless at times, especially if it's groups of people outside of their sphere.

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Particular_Wave_8567@reddit

Yep always lol

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Tzunamitom@reddit

Ah, the classic only dumb poor people are racist.

I just smiled and stayed quiet at the time, but to be honest I kept thinking about whether I should say something or just let it go and I ended up letting it go.

I’m in my early 30s, I don’t think I would’ve been able to say something like that in a group of older people.

It felt like I was joining a family gathering, so I didn’t want to ruin the mood.

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I would have, politely, challenged her about it, head on. Saying that it’s only the older generation that thinks dog meat is acceptable and it is being banned from 2027. As for the ‘Korean food statement I’d reply “While everybody has the right to their opinion on what tastes good to them would you say that the food at Heathrow airport fairly represents the quality of English food? If you had tried a real Korean restaurant you probably would have had a far better experience.”

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skill1358@reddit

Nah respect is earned in the UK and letting it go on in front of you just labels you a doormat in their eyes.

If your girlfriend heard this and did nothing then she doesn't care about you enough.

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anotherMrLizard@reddit

The rude, often racist, older family member who only gets joy from antagonising others is an unfortunate British archetype.

I would understand an average person doing that because most people owuld use their own experience to base on if they like a countries food . Like id understand if someone had been to a decent french restaurant and disliked it then they say french food is bad thats understandable, but saying it shit after having food in an airport is like saying the grass is wet cause it rained a week ago .

Also western media does push the dog meat thing on south/east asia , like yes some do eat it but its a minority . Its not even popular, and even if it was popular a different country eating something different even if we see teh animal as pets other countries may not , like in India cows are sacred but we eat them, Indians arent cunts about us eating beef

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Taucher1979@reddit

My wife is from Colombia and she gets comments about cocaine occasionally from people she has just met - on a couple of occasions it’s the first thing they say when hearing where she is from. It’s usually older people.

A grandad of one of my sons friends did this at a kids party at soft play - he had a very posh accent and just after meeting my wife for the first time said “You people have an issue with cocaine don’t you?!” and it got worse from there. Turns out he was quite well known as a tw*t and widely disliked by almost all so it’s worse for him in the long run.

Vast majority of people aren’t like this and I’d suggest that every culture and country in the world has them.

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iBlockMods-bot@reddit

A grandad of one of my sons

If i understand correctly he's the father of a former partner of yours? I'll bet he was intentionally trying to be a twat to make himself feel better about you moving on from his daughter.

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Taucher1979@reddit

No I wasn’t clear at all - he was the grandad of one of my son’s friends. Just a twat for no real reason!

Here you dropped this: /s

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MD564@reddit

Nope. Want to tell me when British people have faced oppression and brutal racism historically?

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st1ckygusset@reddit

Norman Conquest (1066): After William the Conqueror invaded England, there was significant oppression of the Anglo-Saxon population. The Normans imposed heavy taxes, confiscated land, and suppressed local customs and laws.

Yes, we do, especially if people think we’re Roma. Not from everyone in the world, obviously. We are considered ethnically distinct by British, Irish, and EU laws because it’s recognised that we are discriminated against.

You could also argue that a lot of racism is classism also/instead. For example royal-adjacent incomers like Meghan Markle and Dodi Al Fayed were roasted in the press not entirely because of their foreign-ness.

None of this is said to diminish immigrants and descendants of immigrants in the U.K.

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AnyOlUsername@reddit

I’m Welsh and (historically speaking) my country has a different answer to that.

Not for whiteness but culturally.

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abyssal-isopod86@reddit

*white British people

I assure you, black, brown, Asian and other POC's who are British absolutely do experience racism and have experienced brutal racism historically.

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MD564@reddit

You know as well as I do that's not what I am talking about. If you're a POC and you go to another country you won't be harassed because you're British, you'll be harassed because you're not white.

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WarmCat_UK@reddit

Ah ok, so because of that, then it’s impossible to be racist towards a British person? Amazing.

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johimself@reddit

No, but the effects of discrimination are felt more keenly by people who face historic discrimination.

If someone is racist to a white, middle aged, middle class British man then they can laugh it off with their priviledge.

These sorts of people have been empowered in recent years, it's no longer taboo and shameful behavior to be openly racist.

I'm not sure if it's gotten worse, but it's certainly gotten louder.

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rjdavidson78@reddit

Somehow we’ve allowed them to steer us into a position where it’s worse to call someone racist than it is to…be racist, we have to take the narrative back…and fast, before we allow the rich who own the media to guide us into an American situation. Because we’ve always been better than that and more tolerant than that, and that is what we should remain proud of and what those flags should stand for, don’t let them steal it!

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tomtomclubthumb@reddit

You have this where an American who uses a slur then starts getting upset for being called a racist, and then another seems to think it evens out because they both said something that hurts the other person's feelings.

If you say racist stuff, then you shouldn't be surprised to be called a racist and it isn't mean, it's factual.

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EuphoricGrapefruit32@reddit

This is my worry - the American situation infecting this country. If, or when, it goes off over there, people here will inevitably follow suit. Race relations have always seemed very strained and weird there, and it's currently precipitous. At least from the outside. Never been, definitely wouldn't go now.

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BemaJinn@reddit

To be fair, it's not that it's infecting over here, it's that the same actors are dividing everyone.

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EuphoricGrapefruit32@reddit

I've been saying for years someone is trying to stir shit. I hope they fail 🤞

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Readshirt@reddit

The thing is there's clear situations like this one, but people were just calling others the worst things imaginable in totally unjustifiable ways. No one likes being bullied and no one wants to go back to that stifling, chilling but mercifully brief period in history where we let public discourse be totally usurped by a small number of people who never left the playground.

The way back is to be adults about it and stop using serious terms and accusations like this frivolously and treat them like the extremely serious and far reaching claims they are.

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fre-ddo@reddit

Reeks of Daily Mail brainrot, my Aunt has dementia now and obviously its brutal but its interesting how now shes not fed constantly by the toxic daily mail rage bait and othering thats shes a nicer person.

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DoNotCommentAgain@reddit

Talking about stuff like this has been socially acceptable right up to about 15 years ago.

It's not more common or louder, we're louder about calling it out which means it gets talked about.

No one would have even blinked at a conversation about Koreans eating dogs 20 years ago.

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fre-ddo@reddit

Depends how it was brought up and discussed. Do you really think the relative started a nuanced conversation about the dog meat trade and how it came about? It can still be talked about, it is often mentioned on Reddit when someone brings up pigs.

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DoNotCommentAgain@reddit

Did I say it was nuanced? Wtf is wrong with people lately you have the reading comprehension of a child and then you want to start an argument with me when you can't even understand the point you're trying to argue against.

It previously surprised me to see people making blatantly racist comments on social media. I wondered how these people were not worried that there would be consequences to being openly racist.

What an ignorant and incorrect statement.

The irony. 😅

No I'm factually correct. You are wrong. No race or religion was mentioned.... Therefore not racist

One singular country was... At a push, xenophobic. But as I've already pointed out. It isn't xenophobic to have a discussion about dog meat when the Koreans themselves only banned it last year.

But please. Educate me 😅

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gpeccadillo@reddit

Educate me 😅

Certainly.

The “Koreans eat dog meat” trope is a racialised stereotype used to mock and demean East Asians more broadly.

It plays on racial and cultural stereotypes by reinforcing long-standing racial prejudice and stigmas against people.

It is unquestionable racism.

I can't imagine how dim you must be to argue with the dictionary definitions of things,

Says the person who jumped in all too readily to make an argument on semantics. You are projecting here, clearly.

Also, you can keep editing your comments as much as you like, it doesn't change the fact you have got this completely wrong.

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pleasantlyyplumpy@reddit

media literacy. "dog meat" is racist towards asians as a group

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betraying_fart2@reddit

media literacy

Indeed. It was only banned last year. So talking about it is very much a relevant subject.

If you actually know wtf you are talking about, I suppose 😅

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neverendum@reddit

The ban came in with a 3-year grace period so people are still eating dog meat in S Korea until 2027 without penalty. China, Indonesia, India, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam are all still eating dogs. It's rude as fuck to bring this up in the context it was but it is something that still happens and is very confronting for many westerners, albeit a double standard.

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betraying_fart2@reddit

It's rude as fuck to bring this up

It's not rude to comment on world politics. I imagine the same people downvoting what I said were very vocal about other events around the world lately.

albeit a double standard.

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Andries89@reddit

No but there sure are loads like this right now

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pleasantlyyplumpy@reddit

loud minority imo

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Wheresmymindoffto@reddit

Didn't mean any harm? Bollocks. If you're not comfortable now, what will you accept to be comfortable? Don't go numb - don't tolerate it.

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YearObvious7214@reddit

The fact that your girlfriend didn't pull up her grandfather on the OBVIOUS racism he was displaying right in front of you is a red flag, I'm sorry.

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YearObvious7214@reddit

Apologies, I misread!

It's still sore no one stood up for you and shut her down.

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Cheek-Tricky@reddit

It’s rude, casual is fine. But saying all food in one country is bad because she didn’t like one meal is at a minimum rude possibly racist.

Yes the family dynamic in the uk is more relaxed than Korea and jokes even edging on sexual is common.

But to someone you’ve just met from a different culture and race saying all of their food is disgusting is not appropriate even in the uk.

More casual and jokey conversation sounds pretty normal for the UK.

However, saying a guest's country's food is shit would be considered very rude. Bringing up eating dogs would be both rude and racist.

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Sage-Freke-@reddit

Was she drunk? I wouldn’t say anything like that, but sounds like she must have been or she’s just a horrible person. I’m sure she wouldn’t like it if someone was being that disgusting towards her.

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Kirstemis@reddit

Appallingly rude

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SigourneyReap3r@reddit

Ignorant, rude, racist and highly uneducated.

My dad is one of the most common people, raised on a council estate, left school at 14 to work on the fish docks because they couldn't afford him to finish school, etc etc.
Even he knows that this is rude, racist, ignorant and highly uneducated and he is a sheltered, uneducated man.

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GodAtum@reddit

Is she white? I suspect her family don’t want a mixed race grandchild I’m sorry to tell you.

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gdrlee@reddit

I was quite surprised by how casual the conversations were in her family. Everyone talked so openly, it felt more like talking with friends.

That bit's normal.

“Korean food is shit“ ”The Korean fried chicken I ate at the Korea airport was disgusting"

and then started talking about dog meat.

That bit's racist

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nWoSting145@reddit

More than just a bit.

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Ch1pp@reddit

They said it was a racist bit not a bit racist.

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HesitantBrobecks@reddit

I love the English language 🥴😅

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Lemony_123@reddit

Rude as hell and Korean food is amazingggg.

thefootster@reddit

Bibimbap 🤤

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littlegreenturtle20@reddit

Agreed! Also, to dismiss an ENTIRE culture's cuisine having never been to the country is incredibly ignorant.

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IAmLaureline@reddit

It would certainly provide evidence for the British food is crap.

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Ambitious_Mud_7137@reddit

The bit where everyone is very open with each other and making jokes etc, regardless of age, that bit is normal. Everything else is just racist and should be totally unacceptable. Sadly some people are actually racist without really thinking about it and maybe don't realise just how racist they are being but even if they didn't realise just how racist they were being, they either knew exactly how rude they were being, or are unbelievably stupid. Just to be clear, whether they knew they were being racist or not, it's absolutely unacceptable behaviour and I am in no way excusing them.

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ShelizaA@reddit

It's rude and to be honest, ask yourself whether this is a family you would want to be related to in the future? The father as your father in law, as the grandad of your future children?

I'm British Asian (Indian-African). We would not speak like this about any culture. Yes, we would talk about the tasty things they have, but not controversial, especially not in front of a person from there. We might ask questions, but in a respectful way. All of the British friends I have had have been the same.

Your girlfriend's family: they're plain rude and disrespectful.

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mcnoodles1@reddit

It may not have been intended as racist. Where in the Country were you ? Manchester United fans used to sing about Park Ji-sung eating dogs and he was their hero.

Tongue in cheek/nuanced/dark humor maybe, hopefully.

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JacenKas-Trek-Geek@reddit

Hmm, I’d say rude and your girlfriend should have called it out. The fact it all seemed very casual would indicate that the family is probably quite racist.

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IuniaLibertas@reddit

It was extremely rude but I'm afraid I found this kind of thing typical of the English when I lived there.

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EUskeptik@reddit

Rude, in the extreme.

I am sorry you had such an unpleasant experience.

Clueingforbeggs@reddit

Hi, that’s rude and racist as fuck.

And also I’m a little concerned about your girlfriend’s reaction. No way is that ‘not meaning any harm’. The only way it could have been meant not to mean harm is if you had a relationship with the woman, were comfortable with those close to you saying that in a joking manner, and she knew that, because yes, some friends do have that kind of joking relationship. None of the above is true.

If you’re going to be a relationship then get comfortable calling out BS behaviour. If she knows her family that way she shouldve prepped her BF on their clearly racist ways of thinking.

I feel I should point out that there are levels of rudeness. This isn't just a bit uncouth. This falls into the category of 'I despise you and wish you didn't exist'.

Which is admittedly something I feel about my aunt's husband (because he's a racist drunken braggart). The thing is that I would never say anything that amounted to that level of rudeness, because the uncomfortableness it would cause would be unpleasant for the people I do care about. It implies one of a few things about this person:

They feel confident that others are in agreement with them
They don't care about the others
They are actually hated by the others, but kept around out of familial obligation.

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PodcastPlusOne_James@reddit

1 out of 18 British people at a gathering was rude and racist?

Speaking as someone who's family has been in this country for god knows how many hundreds of years, Korean food is amazing

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Larnievc@reddit

Rude as fuck.

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No-Midnight-1406@reddit

Rude and racist

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LuDdErS68@reddit

Rude, racist, inappropriate, ill-informed...

being factually correct doesn't stop things being racist. being a subjecting opinion about a cuisine doesn't stop something being racist. choosing to bring up all your least favourite things about a race / nation (without apparently mentioning anything nice) is NOT an accident. it's typical, modern day, hiding behind the veneer of conversation racism. yes, we're past the days of the KKK and signs saying "no Irish allowed", but racism doesn't have to be "I'm definitely and openly stating something racist". a lot of modern day racism is saying mean and insulting things (things you would mention to a Korean but would never bother mentioning to a whitey), all of which are true. and then being able to defend your tirade with, "well, it's true, isn't it?"

I appreciate you asking and I hope my response didn't come across as an attack.

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StarShipYear@reddit

brought up bad food she had once, bad view of all Korean food

How is bringing up an opinion on bad food racist? I keep asking this and not a single person can answer without going off on rants to make false comparisons like:

if a Jewish person walks into a room, and I immediately talk about big / hooked noses

This is a false equivelence. One is food, the other is a physical characteristic of the persons race/ethnicity which is very, very, different. The equivelent would be to bring up OPs eye shape if they had those typical Asian characteristic.

how about, tell me about your country? how about, a nice thing about Korea?

None of that matters in context of what I'm saying though. A person can be a complete and utterly terrible, inconsiderate, and rude, but also not racist. You are confusing being rude and correlating that directly with racism, even if there is no evidence of a link.

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starsandbribes@reddit

Jumping to an obscure negative practise about a culture, when the person is right in front of you and the only reason you’re talking about that culture, is racist yes. if you brought home an Indian girlfriend and the conversation was about places in India some family members have been, and someone blurted out “oh I heard kids just shit in the street over there right?” it’d be the same thing.

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StarShipYear@reddit

Jumping to an obscure negative practise

But what is obscure about it?

when the person is right in front of you and the only reason you’re talking about that culture, is racist yes.

That doesn't make logical sense though. If the person present is Korean, and people talk about how amazing Korean food, by your own logic, you would then consider that to be racist too?

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MinaretofJam@reddit

The woman is a silly bint and a bigot. The only thing she talks about is eating dogs which is a taboo for most Brits, and bangs on about airport food as though that’s representative of any cultures’ value. Of all the subjects she could ask about she went deliberately to being an arse.

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StarShipYear@reddit

The only thing she talks about is eating dogs

But OP hasn't claimed that's all she talked about, only that it was one of the things she said. What you've done is infer that.

bangs on about airport food as though that’s representative of any cultures’ value.

But again, that is inferring the meaning but you don't know that. My question is: what was said that was explicitly racist? Being an arse, yes. Rude, yes. But I'm unable to get an answer from anyone explaining why it's racist.

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Naive_Reach2007@reddit

Sadly you've encountered casual racism.

They will say they don't mean you it's the others🙄

The Joking is a bit inappropriate but some people do have that level of familiarity with relatives to make lewd jokes

Very very rude and patronising.

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pretzelsRus@reddit

Racist and rude.

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Boggyprostate@reddit

No it’s very rude, always remember this, “just because they are elders, does not always, make them nice people” I have grown up with this saying from my Nan.

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DrainpipeDreams@reddit

Definitely rude. No doubt about that. However, I think that being an older male in a family isn't necessarily like that (how you describe things in Korea) in many families now. Relationships grow and evolve. In my opinion, the fact that they seemed like friends, is the sign of a great relationship.

I think there's probably a bit of a generation gap somewhere along the way. I would love my adult grandchildren (if I have any in thy future!) to see me as a friend. And I would need to treat them with respect if I wanted them to respect me, but respect and friendship are not mutually exclusive.

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Sweet-Economics-5553@reddit

Rude. And wrong. Korean food is delicious. Feel free to come and hang out with my family instead- we'll make bibimbap.

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bee-sting@reddit

i think he knows lmao

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Funny-Importance-692@reddit

It would be great if more people in the UK knew how delicious Korean food was- then it might be easier to get!

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Arathix@reddit

Yep rude, and racist, especially as I'm guessing her family know you're Korean?

The borderline sexual jokes are also weird, my nan doesn't even like it when we swear in front of her xD

Re Korean food being shit - that's also just wrong. I love it. There's no accounting for taste, but ignorance and racism are off limits.

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They sound horrific.

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nonsequitur__@reddit

Rude and racist. The casual talk and joking between generations is normal, but their behaviour towards you is absolutely not.

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False_Crew_6066@reddit

It’s blatantly rude. To say she didn’t like the Korean food she had tried, would be a very different expression. People are really disturbed by the dog meat thing but doubt she spoke of that respectfully either from what you’ve said.

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EUskeptik@reddit

Rude, in the extreme.

I am sorry you had such an unpleasant experience.

-@@-

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PHPaul@reddit

Rude and racist. With their sexual banter and overt racism this sounds like a pretty scummy family.

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No-Daikon3645@reddit

Yes, they were rude.

Avvie79@reddit

That’s really rude and racist af!

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xerker@reddit

Bruh. The dog meat stuff sounds kinda racist.

As an aside Korean BBQ and kimchi are fucking amazing.

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Powerful-Manager1878@reddit

It's a lazy trope and I'd say it was rude. Banter is all well and good, but that doesn't sound like banter. Personally, I'd have some responses ready for next time Oh, I'm sorry you don't think Korean food is good. We have English restaurants in Korea, they're the ones with 'missing rat' posters outside. I'm British and used to live in Germany, when I came back I got asked by an old guy in the pub if they were all still nazis. So i replied Why? Is it so you can visit, drop your gun again and run away like when you were in the army? He kept his mouth shut after that

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betraying_fart2@reddit

It depends about how well you grasp reality I suppose.

Korea only banned the sale of dog meat in 2024. So it's still a fairly fresh issue to dog lovers. Especially in countries where dogs are "man's best friend"

Liking the cuisine of a country is also totally subjective. British cuisine in slated daily. Is it worth crying about? Not at all.

Saying it to a guest you know is Korean is very much, rude though.

Not racist or xenophobic, just rude.

And like any family, some people within that family are morons.

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keithmk@reddit

It is downright racist, it is based on a false stereotype and was done to provoke a Korean guest

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betraying_fart2@reddit

Sigh. Explain how it's racist. 😅

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perfectflavour@reddit

Racism is about using stereotypes to mock people because of how they look or where they are from. Learning what words mean is important and it might help you.

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I'm sure whatever you wrote blamed me for your ignorance 😅

Joking around and being casual with family is fine. Elders aren't placed on such a pedestal here.

Joking about your culture and food is rude as fuck. I'd be having a word!

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bizkitman11@reddit

Only you would know that, as you were in the room. Intent is everything.

As a Brit I’ve definitely heard ‘British food is shit’ many times, both abroad and by foreigners in the UK (including a Korean actually). I don’t like it, as usually they couldn’t even name 10 British foods. But as the people were otherwise friendly I move past it.

Dog meat is a thing in Korea (maybe an uncommon one?) but I have no idea if the woman knew that, or was transposing a pan-Asian stereotype and landed on a lucky guess.

Everything comes down to how she carried herself. Was the woman friendly with you, maybe genuinely curious about your background? Or did you feel like she harboured negative feelings towards you for being foreign?

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Morganx27@reddit

Rude as fuck. Besides which, I doubt food at the airport is super representative of Korean food as a whole.

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ghb93@reddit

The height of rudeness.

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Western-Victorys@reddit

It’s pretty normal to be fair or at least where I’m from. Is dog meat still a thing or has that been less of a food source over the last 15 years?

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ChallengingKumquat@reddit

Chatting casually with family = normal.

Joking around with family, even sexually = normal

pas43@reddit

Korean food is much better than British and i love both.

This is why the word cunt was invented.

In that situation, you just have to inquire where she's tried Korean food before, because she obviously hasn't tried real Korean food if she thinks that.

Rude.

Unacceptable level of overtime racism.

I understand how it must have been hard as you were in a different person's home, you were invited, so you were under pressure to try be polite.

I can only say that I'm white, so I don't know how that feels. But if I heard that at anybody's house, at the table or in any room, I would speak out about it being totally unacceptable, and be happily thrown out for it.

I know how it feels to be discriminated against as a disabled person, as a woman, as an older woman, but none of these things compare to white supremacy comments that target the actual country/culture/roots of someone. I bet that the people saying that, did it in a way that it was hard to complain about. It's kind of like passive aggressive, they will way 'oh I don't mean you' 'i don't mean to offend you - that wasn't my intention' kind of bollox. But ignorance isn't acceptable, nor is lack of awareness of white privilege. We have the internet now, and there's an abundance of media, TV, films, etc that make it easy to try to understand these things.

I'm upset for you. Somebody should have spoken out.

I hope you don't have to be anywhere near those people again, and also, you might want to tell your friend how offensive that is. But, friends are hard to meet sometimes - you may choose to just not get too close to that friend because they didn't speak out for you .. That's a whole bunch of issues. So you need to work out what is best for your situation.

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Helicreature@reddit

If the family had been ‘quite educated’ they would have shut that woman down in an instant. I’m sorry that you ran into a racist half-wit.

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emmaa5382@reddit

It’s rude, it’s not that uncommon. I’ve had friends I’ve know talk like this about other cultures foods but they have always gotten called out when it happens.

It’s an attempt at humour, maybe even “you cant say that!” Kind of humour. But with all jokes like that they have to be funnier than they are offensive to land, this one doesn’t even appear to have a joke in it so it’s just offensive for the sake of shock value. That’s the kind take, the worst case is she was actively considering that you’re Korean when she said it and was being mean and racist to you.

If I were you I’d tell your girlfriend that you’d want and expect her to defend you in those scenarios if it happens again, not just a subject change but a direct “that was rude”.

As for the sexual innuendo jokes and family is more like friends that’s all pretty common, we do have elder respect and children/adult lines of what you’re allowed to do in the uk but most families I know have a sort of age you hit when you’re moved from “child” to “adult” where the adults start talking freely with you and you’re treated as an equal. When you get there and start hearing the older relatives swear around you and make rude jokes it’s quite a huge shock 😂 but you get used to it.

This isnt cultural misunderstanding. Its racism and down right fucking rude.

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idaho73@reddit

Sadly, education and civility do not go hand in hand. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Some people rarely consider anything outside of their own opinion (which they share frequently), and age is not consistent with maturity either.

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FakeNordicAlien@reddit

Her family might consider it normal, but most of the people I know would consider it rude, uneducated/stupid (the dog meat thing which u won’t even get into, and judging by airport food, seriously? Airport food is almost always bad in most countries), and at least a bit racist (judging a whole culture by one example).

The casual conversations are more common/normal. My grandparents were quite formal, but they were a whole lot older than a lot of people’s - my first grandmother died in her nineties when I was 15, and my second died in her nineties when I was in my late twenties (I think?), and my grandfathers were both quite a bit older than my grandmothers. When I was a teenager, a lot of my friends had grandparents in their fifties and sixties, and they were a lot more casual. I even know a few children in my neighbourhood with grandparents in their thirties and forties, though that’s not that common. (Probably more common than in Korea though!)

I’m sorry her family were rude to you. Cultural differences can often be jarring, and travel can be difficult, but most people will at least try to be kind and smooth things over. It sounds like your girlfriend’s family didn’t make that effort.

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SoggyWotsits@reddit

Definitely rude. Not because it was too informal to discuss with grandparents, but to discuss in front of you like that!

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Electrical-Fig-3206@reddit

Doesn’t Sound like they are educated in the ways of being welcoming, polite or nice. I would think very carefully if your girlfriend didn’t say something and walk out with you. You should not have to handle that yourself and she should have addressed it. They will be your in laws. And of they say that now. They will always be like that.

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f8rter@reddit

Awful people

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LittleSunflower666@reddit

That is completely rude! They could say that they didn’t like Korean food, but as a preference, not in the way you described.

That’s very rude. Unusually rude, I would say.

It's normal to talk casually and be informal with elders, but that person was the family Dick head

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chaves4life@reddit

Should have replied the fish and chips in Heathrow was shit and why da fuck you Cooking eels wrong

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Coconutpieplates@reddit

No that's really rude and her dog meat stuff it racist crap. You're well within your rights to ask her if that's how she plans to try every foreign food, by just eating in airports and not actually going.

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PrivateDataLover@reddit

Except it is part of their culture to eat dog meat?

It’s such a part of their culture that the ban that was introduced last year was given a 3 year implementation window to allow the dog meat farmers to find other livestock to make money from.

You go to Korea and there will be exclusively dog meat restaurants. It’s not racist to say they eat dogs, it’s factual

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forgotpassword_aga1n@reddit

But it is mostly old people who do.

Her family are SCUM... peasant scum - clearly NOT educated, lacking in manners, breeding, class and frankly this is embarrassing to read

Oh... and I'd doubt they're THAT educated (we have a generation that have done degrees in "-ologies" and "Vocational" subjects (hairdressing, graveyard maintenance Etc.) who would not even HAVE degrees if there was still proper selection and the Govt still paid for them (back in the day grants paid for schooling and accommodation and there would NOT be a place for 50% of today's "Students")

Irrespective of all of which - you felt uncomfortable, nobody cared, you're gonna get more and more of the same...

DUMP HER, MOVE ON, ENJOY YOUR LIFE, FIND A NICE GIRL WHO RESPECTS YOU

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CraftyCat65@reddit

Not gonna lie, that's curl up in the corner, die from embarrassment that I'm related to this person, level of rude.

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Brilliant_Memory_411@reddit

Yeah, to be honest, most Brits would find those comments pretty rude especially saying Korean food is shit straight to someone Korean. That’s not just casual, that’s quite disrespectful. British humour and conversation can be relaxed and cheeky, especially in families, and some people do speak very openly but there’s still a line. Criticising someone’s culture like that, especially in front of them, wouldn’t be seen as polite by most.Sounds like they’re a very casual family, but that kind of comment wouldn’t sit right with many people here either.

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NationalTry8466@reddit

That was rude. I’m sorry to hear that you had to put up with that.

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Myrcnan@reddit

This is either rude and racist, or slightly upper middle class banter, in other words, (possibly slightly) upper middle class rude racism for gags (allegedly). Either way, not funny and not very nice.

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Shaper_pmp@reddit

Actually, I was quite surprised by how casual the conversations were in her family. Everyone talked so openly, it felt more like talking with friends.

My girlfriend and her grandparents were even joking around a lot, sometimes with a bit of sexual humor

Normal. Generational relationships are much more egalitarian here than in most Asian cultures.

When the conversation shifted to Korea, one woman suddenly said things like, “Korean food is shit“ ”The Korean fried chicken I ate at the Korea airport was disgusting".and then started talking about dog meat.

Not normal. Rude, weird and racist as shit.

I'd say she was a one-off weirdo, but the fact nobody else in the family immediately shut her down for openly criticising a guest's country of birth to their face or the racism inherent in it doesn't exactly reflect well of any of the rest of them either, though.

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Ankh4921@reddit

Nope. That conversation was DEFINITELY rude and racist. There is a BIG difference between being blunt and insulting someone’s culture.

Being blunt would be more like - “I didn’t enjoy the food at the airport, it’s not the sort of food I usually eat”

It’s especially shocking that your girlfriend allowed her family to insult your culture and make racist comments in front of you without saying a word to defend you. You need to have a serious talk about what is unacceptable behaviour and if she doubles down and doesn’t apologise you might want to reconsider the relationship.

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iamgina2020@reddit

It’s both rude and racist. You are coming from two completely different cultures, it can work if you both respect each others culture and be more aware of any uncomfortable interactions and conversations going on around you and communicate to each other how you feel about it.

I would add one more thing, your girlfriend has shown you who she is with her family, if that is something you might be uncomfortable or embarrassed about when you are with other people, then you need to communicate that to her. But remember, this is who she is at this time.

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methough1@reddit

It was rude but I would expect that sort of confrontational comment from my middle class father. And if I heard it, I'd be thinking he's trying to get a reaction from you. It might be that a hobby of theirs is 'lively discussion's' about controversial topics. But it's fine you didn't bite. Some people say what they think without filter and expect everyone else to deal with it. We're not all like that. But I understand it in a way. It airs topics that might be on their mind. One of the most traumatic things I've seen was a video of a dog being skined while still alive so I can understand it being on someone's mind.

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HermanCainShow@reddit

That’s terribly rude, and the dog eating remarks are obviously racist. Where were they educated, the school of hard knocks? Just run for your life my man.

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FatBloke4@reddit

That was extremely rude and racist. I'm 64 and comments like this would never have been acceptable.

Did your girlfriend not step in, in your defence? If not, maybe she is not the one for you.

Hey OP. I’m a middle aged married father of two with a professional career, a university education and a social life which involves a need to maintain relationships with cultured, influential people.

Based on my decades of interpersonal experience, cultural knowledge and personal insight - you simply met an arsehole. They would be an arsehole in any culture.

Also, I know arsehole is neither a cultured or insightful description but - quite frankly - they started it.

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2001Galaxy@reddit

She might just be stupid

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keithmk@reddit

Even stupidity is no excuse for racism

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2001Galaxy@reddit

I agree

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Vequihellin@reddit

It's rude not to consider your guests when picking topics of conversation. End of story. Irrespective of the topic, it's considered rude to bring up topics that may be controversial or sensitive especially in front of guests.

This typically includes topics around politics and religion, as well as controversial geopolitical issues (such as the current conflict between Israel and Gaza, or the current situation in America). Your family bringing up a topic about Korea about which they are likely poorly educated or lack the cultural context to discuss in a balanced and thoughtful way is downright rude and racist.

Didn't your partner react on your behalf?

That would be a huge concern to me.

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PureDeidBrilliant@reddit

Honestly? Yes. She was being rude and it was unacceptable. It doesn't matter how "educated" a person is, it doesn't matter how "refined" they are: they can still be capable of sometimes staggeringly nasty comments. As my grandmother would have said to her (before toeing her hole out the door) - she should have moderated her behaviour around a stranger. In short: she was being a racist slag.

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Foundation_Wrong@reddit

That was rude, with you there. Whoever she was, she was deliberately trying to provoke you. The banter and innuendo I saw indeed normal, in some families. I do double entendres with my adult children and grandchildren. However not everyone would enjoy it.

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Karla_Darktiger@reddit

The only thing I'd call casual conversation was the airport one. Airport food can be disgusting, it doesn't matter where you are. The rest seems to be kinda racist imo, especially the dog meat part

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horrible_goose_@reddit

I'm half Chinese, so I've experienced similar things in the past from family members of past partners. I've lived in the UK for most of my life, though, so I know the social norms and can see it for what it is, which is incredibly rude.

In my inexpert opinion they were either completely ignorant to the fact that what they were saying was rude and would have justified it with "well it's just my opinion", or they were trying to get a rise out of you so they could 'prove' (to themselves) that they were somehow better or more civilised than you if you got upset or called them out.

You handled it as I would have, smiling and keeping quiet while making a mental note to steer clear of them and never pay attention to anything they have to say

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Jackerzcx@reddit

The talk about Korean food being shit and dog meat is just plain racist.

Casual conversation between family as if they were friends is very normal.

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--BooBoo--@reddit

Incredibly rude and racist as hell!

I'm sorry they were so rude to you and I'm surprised your girlfriend didn't step in and stop the conversation!

I know older people can be casually racist as it's how they are brought up, and it can be hard to challenge that when it's your grandparents but if I had been in that situation I wouldn't have let them talk like that to you.

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zonked282@reddit

Casual discussions between family members is very common, about anything these days. No worries there .

However the blatant racism in the" dogs as food" comment is something that requires attention, what was the reaction of everyone else, of your girlfriend when it was said? People should have shot that down immediately but if they didn't I would worry about the family dynamic going forward

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Putrid_Koala7497@reddit

Banter between friends and family is generally a staple here. If I had a close friend who was korean, there would probably be some dog eating comment.The difference is both parties need to be in on the joke and comfortable with it, I scrape a car in a carpark park around 4 years ago now, but if we ever go to that carpark they jump out of the car and guide me out of the parking spot, I expect they will be doing it when in 80!!.This was not banter, it was plain rude, they knew exactly what they were doing and going out of their way to be rude.im sorry you had to experience this, the world is a horrible place at the moment and behaviour like this us absolutely unacceptable.

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AuroraDF@reddit

I wouldn't be surprised to hear it in certain families or groups, if there was no Korean person present, it would just be casual conversation (in their eyes). Since you were there, and presumably they know you're Korean, the it's defintely antagonistic and probably intentionally racist.

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Substantial-Cat6097@reddit

Extremely rude! Banter is one thing, but that sounds nasty and obnoxious.

not everything needs confronting my man.

your airing your taste in korean food would need to fucking wait, cos its rude

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Tzunamitom@reddit

Check his comments history. The answer is either a sober “no” or he’s an intentional troll.

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OrderNo1122@reddit

Was it an absolute imperative that she shared her opinion on Korean food with her family member's boyfriend? Was she thinking it would lead to a meaningful discussion on food culture?

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talligan@reddit

There's a time and a place to say you don't like Korean food. But just meeting someone and blurting it out in the rudest and most racist way possible isn't it chief.

If being offered Korean food or the conversation comes up: "I've tried it, but it just wasn't for me. Could have been it was airport food!" = Says what you mean, adds a bit of context to lighten it

The aunt is rude af. The joking with grandfather is fine, as long as it’s not mean anything for a laugh.

If the aunt is ever that rude in front of you again I’d take the piss out of brits who travel but still only eat baked beans on toast.

velvetkloud@reddit

Rude, ill-informed and pretty racist. Not to mention the whole hypocrisy about being judgemental over certain cultures eating dogs in the first place.

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hintofred@reddit

Def rude!

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dmb_80_@reddit

We Brits do tend to be a bit open in our conversation and like to joke around and have a bit of 'banter' and we don't generally follow the hierarchy of respect in families.

She however was just plain rude and racist.

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peachypeach13610@reddit

Rude and racist. I’m really sorry you have experienced this. Hopefully you girlfriend has stepped in for you

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MaryPanel@reddit

Rude and disgusting behaviour!!! Appalling

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West-Kaleidoscope129@reddit

It's incredibly rude! And ridiculously ignorant!

It doesn't matter if they're educated. They're clearly not educated enough to not be rude, ignorant and stereotypical!

They sound like they feel they're better than everybody else.

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sbaldrick33@reddit

This is absolutely rude and also racist. You were right to feel uncomfortable.

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TippyTurtley@reddit

Racist

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FelisCantabrigiensis@reddit

Rude, and racist bullshit.

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ennsea@reddit

OP, when you say British, what do you mean? Someone whose parents are Korean but who was born in the UK could call themselves British. At least that’s my take. Some people would disagree.

The woman is rude, hateful and racist AF. She should be grateful that you have better manners than I do because I’d have been pointing out a lot of things about herself that is shit!

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Asayyadina@reddit

This conversation is the absolute height of rudeness and I am really sorry you were subjected to this.

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PlasticFannyTastic@reddit

Jesus christ that’s pretty awful manners. I’m not sure how educated they are but it does sound like they’re pretty opinionated and happy to share their opinions with thinking of other people (ie lack of empathy) And nobody defended you or spoke up? Not even your girlfriend? I’m not surprised you were uncomfortable. It’s hard to say anything in the moment especially when you don’t know the people.

Yes it was rude.
Yes it was racist.

OP I understand why you didn't speak up at the time, but now you need to have a conversation with your girlfriend. Make her aware of your feelings, maybe show her this thread, so that she can have your back next time you meet the family, if she chooses to.

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Very rude and racist. I'd have said something and stood my ground

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squigs@reddit

The casual relationship with family is normal.

The insults towards Korea are very rude. And the dog meat thing is ignorant.

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No_Art_1977@reddit

They are absolutely terrible- how rude and unwelcoming! They should be ashamed and also poor taste to make sexual related jokes with someone there they have just met let alone multi generational! May be educated (sounds like they are arrogant and distasteful) but poor class. Apologies you had to sit through this. Maybe next time they start berating other cultures they should be asked “when were you last in Korea as you seem to know so much?”

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BillyJoeDubuluw@reddit

There are two things going on here that don’t necessarily always come hand in hand with all families.

I’m from a big and boisterous family and, while elders are respected, they’re also at the centre of the action - perfectly normal to involve them in the jokes and unfiltered subjects… but we wouldn’t dream of making a visitor so bloody uncomfortable!

The woman in question was a nasty cow and is probably racist.

There’s a big difference.

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Super-Surround-4347@reddit

Yeah it's rude.

But, the casual conversation stuff is pretty normal in some families. Personally, I find it odd to be making sexual jokes with senior members of a family, but people do.

But yeah, talking about dog meat etc? Rude.

If I wanted a discussion about Korean food, I would've brought you in.

Something like 'ah I notice Korean food is everywhere at the moment. I personally think it's overrated but I'd like to have it properly one day. Do you have a lot of Korean food?'

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annedroiid@reddit

Rude, racist and unacceptable. If your girlfriend didn’t stand up to them then this relationship isn’t going to last. They’re not going to get less racist unless someone calls them out and it won’t work coming from you.

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They were being rude. It's possible that they may not have much experience with other cultures despite their education and sounds like they were being rude and narrow-minded. This is common particular with older British people or those from a privileged background who feel they don't need to be kind to others.

If there's a next time, it's ok to stand up for yourself e.g. "dog meat isn't as popular as they say" or "airport food sucks in every country, have you tried kimbap?"

I'd also speak to your partner to let them know how this interaction made you feel so that you can be better supported in the future.

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keithmk@reddit

It is also extremely ageist to equate age with racism. Looking at the objective evidence (apparent ages of people on anti immigration demos or people painting racist graffiti, it would appear that younger people are more racist. Racism is just wrong regardless of age or context or educational status. Ageism is just as evil

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would such behavior generally be seen as just a casual or unfiltered conversation

Appallingly rude, not to mention overtly racist.

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RedHeadRedemption93@reddit

Either very fucking rude, or they were trying to be funny and failed.

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Rude and racist

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thescx@reddit

I have an English, Pakistani, Somali and Afghani brothers- and sisters-in-law and we joke about all of our cultures, including my family’s British Kenyan Indian culture and none of us are shy about it but the key is we know the boundaries and we all know it’s jest.

If an outsider was visiting then we would tone down the conversation because they might perceive it incorrectly.

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MJRoseUK@reddit

Casual conversations between family members is normal in the UK - even sexualised jokes (to a point). But that particular relative was absolutely rude. And somewhat racist. It's certainly not acceptable behaviour for how to speak about the culture of a guest.

Anyone who judges an entire nation's cuisine on a single meal is not as educated as they might claim. It won't be the only example of the Dunning Kruger effect they reveal about themselves - I guarantee it.

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SleepyTester@reddit

When my grandmother was still alive I would visit her with my German girlfriend. One time she talked about the Dunkirk - my grandfather was evacuated from there.

I remember she suddenly stopped and apologised to my girlfriend in case she had said anything indelicate - she hadn’t and my girlfriend was actually really interested in the living history of it all.

Later that afternoon she came over to my gf (now wife btw) and said the war must seem like such an age ago to us and that she was so happy that time has moved on and peace and prosperity had enabled us to be together and she is so happy we are a couple.

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Rude. Really really rude and racist. I’m so sorry you were subjected to that and she didn’t shut it down.

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Natsumi_Kokoro@reddit

That's one rude family. Disrespectful of your culture. What would be the reply if you said things about Britain and palmed it off as "casual" or "humour".

Remember you are going to have this family forever as well as her. It's ok to have this be the reason you walk away from a relationship.

I'm really sorry they said these things.

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thecrius@reddit

Rude and ignorant.

KingKhram@reddit

That's rude. It doesn't sound like her family are that well educated

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Urbanyeti0@reddit

The Korean stuff is just racist, presumably they all knew you were Korean?

The rest, is very family dependent, but I know lots of families that have no real filters between generations

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foundalltheworms@reddit

Extremely rude what the hell

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talligan@reddit

Nah man that's unacceptably rude. Who tf says stuff like that? They are thoughtless and rude mate. The relationships between family members will be quite a bit less formal, so that's to be expected here.

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thatpokerguy8989@reddit

Context is everything. If you had a Korean friend and you both took the piss out of each other its normal.

Shriven@reddit

Rude and wrong cos Korean food is fucking delicious

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UKAOKyay@reddit

I'll be honest with you, it sounds to me like they've accepted you and consider you part of the family. Whether you want to be a part of that family is up to you.

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Add others have said, this woman was racist and rude. Unfortunately a small minority are.

Joking with your grandad is perfectly normal.

Apart from the idiot, it sounds like your girlfriend has a nice family

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