What tools do people use to keep in touch with friends back home?

Posted by Hot_Worldliness_3490@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 15 comments

I've been living in Tokyo for 9 years after moving here from New York.

I was always close with my college friends back in New York but after everyone made their trip to Japan the first time around in the first 2-3 years that I was here (c. 2016-2019) and I accidentally got dropped from the group chat when I switched from my American->Japanese phone, I lost touch with many of them.

It's a shame because, while I do have a lot of friends here in Tokyo, I have a different level of trust and understanding with my friends from back home: we're going through similar life stages, we have similar values, etc. I can feel it whenever I go back to the states and see some of them, though many of them have also now moved to different parts of America.

I did luckily get added back into my college group chat a few months ago, but it seems like the group chat now is pretty dead anyway. The only time the group chat moves is when it's somebody's bday, or a baby is born, etc. and that's about it. Otherwise, when someone sends a message, no one really replies.

All of us are 33/34, busy with work, kids, families etc., so I get it but seeing my close friends having fun with their families really helps motivate me to push forward. Typically social media might be a way to keep in touch, but a lot of my friends aren't on social media and I'm trying to spend less time there anyway.

Then again, maybe this is all due course in getting older or moving to a different country, but I'd like to think that it isn't. I love my life in Japan but without my closest friends by my side, I feel a bit empty at times. I've gone on some "friend-making apps" but honestly a lot of them have left me feeling a bit lonelier after if I don't connect people with the people there. I also meet a lot of people through work so I feel like it's less about making new friends for me as much as maintaining connection with old ones.

I'm curious if anyone has strategies that they're using to keep in touch with friends back home or if this issue is unique to me. Excited to hear suggestions!

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Additional-Read-5934@reddit

i totally get what you mean. it can be tough to keep those connections alive, especially with everyone getting busy. maybe a private newsletter could help? something like So-tell-us.com could be a chill way to keep everyone updated without the noise of social media

reflxonSocial@reddit

tons of 'long distance' apps like reflxon (free) or waffle.

No-Complaint9286@reddit

Yeah this is pretty natural at this stage of life. Families get busy with raising kids, friend groups shift as people move apart or their social circles change and they make friends at new jobs or befriend parents from daycare.

We keep in touch with old friends via social media. Hubs texts with his friends too, and they do a fantasy sports league. I dont keep in touch with my college friends and that stopped just a few years after graduation (college was far from home).

Telecom_VoIP_Fan@reddit

I get your point. I am from the generation that finds social media chats a bit too impersonal and cold, so I prefer to keep in contact using traditional phone calls. I know this can be expensive, but I found a way to make the cost insignificant. The family and friend group all have Zadarma virtual phone numbers that cost a couple of dollars a month with all the calls between us free of charge - unlimited call minutes. This is not to say we call each other all the time, but we call whenever we need to - when we have what to say, or just feel the need to speak, and phone charges are no concern.

Competitive_End_6018@reddit

With my mom and dad I use messenger, with friends my own age I use WhatsApp.

Dojyorafish@reddit

I have periodic game nights over discord with my friends from college. Gartic Phone and Scribble.io are hilarious browser based games anyone can play.

leapwolf@reddit

We started playing d&d with some friends online during the pandemic and it’s been a game changer (pun intended) for maintaining that friend group. We aren’t just catching up but actually doing something. We have shared jokes and experiences. It’s amazing. Definitely thought we’d stop after the pandemic but we decided to keep it going and I’m so grateful!

Hot_Worldliness_3490@reddit (OP)

This is amazing!! Love this idea! :) Have never played D&D before but sounds like a lot of fun!

5T6Rf6ut@reddit

Call them each and catch up?

I have! It just can take a lot of energy to keep the relationship going with each person one-to-one. Doing my best to try to keep the gang together haha

ibitmylip@reddit

schedule a group zoom to catch up and talk about how (if?) you all can keep up with each other better?

That's what maintaining relationships is. There is no relationship without the time or effort. Social media or a group chat is not a replacement for actual investment in people, so you're not missing much by not having them.

HVP2019@reddit

Occasional calls or texts or social media messages is how people keep in touch with friends back home. There is no secret trick here.

Eventually you have to establish local social circle for more face to face interactions.

beginswithanx@reddit

Honestly this is also just part of the life stage. I had the same issue with my friend group when we lived in the same country!

For now we mainly just share Instagram stories to our general follower/friend group— that’s how I find out someone’s kid turned one, or they got a promotion at work or whatever. We send cute little reactions to each other, but it’s nothing deep. It’s just the stage our friendships are at, being in your 30s is a busy time. I say this as someone now in my 40s!

I don’t really mind though, because it means we’re still in casual contact and when I go back to the US or they come to Japan I can suggest a meetup, which is lots of fun.

My main “solution” is I’ve made new friends in Japan. They’re the ones who I talk to regularly, who know what’s really going on in my life, etc. But honestly I’m so busy with raising a kid and working I barely have time for that too!

Hahaha! Looks like we're in the same boat! Glad to hear someone feels similarly.