People in your 30s - how do you cope with work/life/stress balance?

Posted by shun_naka67@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 21 comments

i think im having a late quarter life crisis. Im mid 30s and now settled into my career, Ive bought a house, married and fulfilled most of the big "life goals". Recently, i've moved into a higher position in work and climbed the ladder (which should be a positive) but as a result work is getting more and more stressful and its now taking up headspace out of hours. I struggle to maintain hobbies (gaming/cycling) as i'm too mentally tired after work. The thought of doing this everyday for the rest of my life fills me with dread. I also feel quite isolated/lonely if i'm being honest - i moved from one part of the UK to another and I have no close friends/family near where i life and my social life is non existent (aside from big events like birthdays or weddings) Has anyone else encountered this and how did you get through?

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21 Comments

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Feeling_History8348@reddit

Even if you was 30 it would hardly be quarter life crisis.

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Prestigious-Home-876@reddit

Have a child, then you won't have a chance to worry about anything else and you'll be working for a different purpose.

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religionisanger@reddit

Even as a very happy parent with a child psych mum as my wife I think this is a highly risky/dangerous approach. Some people have kids and cause no end of stress for them and unleash all sorts of chaos. There’s a theory that having children causes repressed feelings from your childhood to be dug up (ghosts in the nursery). So I can’t condone this as a solution to a problem. People need to have a child of their own accord, not a suggestion as way of filling time and reducing loneliness.

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CurryMonsterr@reddit

You're already miserable. Have a child they said. It'll make it better they said. LOL

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Prestigious-Home-876@reddit

Not that I was serious, but reading posts like this from people who have no kids is funny.... Mentally tired? Haha you have no idea. There are bigger things in life than work, for me I only realised this after having a child, hopefully others can realise it before and start to reprioritise like the other guy said.

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scottishnq@reddit

I don’t think that is a magical solution to the problem. I can imagine a similar post from OP in 3 years saying all the same things plus now also saying they don’t spend enough time with their kid. What, I think, you’re suggesting is that having a kid will automatically result in OP re-prioritising their life. It might, but it won’t automatically. So, the actual advise is to reprioritise what they think is healthy. I’m a commercial lawyer and I was on work calls from 4pm - 10pm last night with a colleague who has 2 school aged kids. He stayed logged on until 11:30pm.

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811545b2-4ff7-4041@reddit

And when they get hobbies, your hobby will be transporting them to theirs and waiting for them.

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CurryMonsterr@reddit

I'm 35 and spent 15 years building a career to reach the top basically. I quit in August and now wake up at 11am, go to the gym for a couple of hours, take the dog for a walk and enjoy gaming in the evening. I'll take a new contract opportunity in January and work for 6 months and then take another 6 months off. I may even work remotely from Spain somewhere near the beach. I'm happily single with no kids. Never want to be married. Never going to have children. Life is pretty great when you walk your own path and just do what makes you happy.

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Whulad@reddit

I know you don’t want to hear it but people with kids will be laughing hysterically at this post

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garlicmayosquad@reddit

It's just the realization that most of the things we are told to do (job, marriage, kids, house) don't always equal happiness. They are more there to have you feeding into the system, as having those things generally mean you'll always have to keep grinding away even if you aren't happy. I feel/felt the exact same way, just made me realize freedom is really important to me, so now I prioritize that.

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luckcoins@reddit

Omg I read this and it’s as if I wrote it. I’ve been feeling the exact same this year. What I’ve been doing is: - doing exercise classes instead of always exercising solo in my own zone - so instead of running on a treadmill or swimming or whatever all the time, I mix it in with classes like Pilates and yoga to feel like I’m mixing more with other people. - I’m joining clubs and things - running clubs, gaming clubs, book clubs - so I can enjoy my existing hobbies but still increase the likelihood of chitchat and making new friends at the same time - I have ditched all social media. I never feel lonelier when I’m looking through a window at other peoples lives, which always seem better than mine (of course completely normal, given people only ever share their highlights!) - I’ve also really made sure I’m taking time to nurture my relationship. It can be easy to be busy and let life pass you by, but my partner is my rock, and if we are good, everything else has a solid foundation. It might seem impossible to dedicate energy to the above when you’re burnt out at work. But find ways to fill your cup that don’t only involve solo time. You’re not alone!! And you’ll never regret putting yourself out there more.

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jelinski619@reddit

I (M, 33) took a 40% pay cut to take a job that gives me way more freedom and way less stress. Making the decision is hard because when you're staring down the barrel of a significant pay cut, it's really tough to justify, but the reality in my case (and it won't apply to everyone) was that I'm over 6 months in now and haven't noticed any difference to my lifestyle as a result of the decreased pay. What I *have* noticed, is a massive improvement in my wellbeing due to the lack of stress. Not everyone will be able to do that because of different lifestyles and finances, but I guess all I'd say is don't underestimate how much of a difference a positive job can have to your wellbeing, and how little difference a high salary can have. There's a book written by a palliative care nurse called [The Top Five Regrets of the Dying](https://bronnieware.com/blog/regrets-of-the-dying/). The second most common regret from people in end-of-life care? "I wish I hadn't worked so hard". The relationship between happiness and salary isn't linear, it has diminishing returns. In the lower ends, money does bring happiness by providing the basic needs and reducing basic stresses. But the point at which it becomes 'enough' and stops providing *more* happiness is surprisingly low. [Some interesting reading](https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1011492107)

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AttersH@reddit

I think your issue here is less work & more the fact you’ve found yourself living away from friends & family.. you found yourself in a bit of rut of work being the only big thing in your life, therefore it’s making you knackered. I’m 37, married, two primary school aged kids. We both work full time, in jobs that are very busy & full on. Life is undoubtably a juggle but 90% of the time, life is also good. Hobbies & friends are so important. Something that’s for you & lets you have other things going on in life other than work! Can you join a local football team? Or another hobby you enjoy? Is there an Andy’s Men’s Club near you? A running or walking club? You’ll probably be surprised what you find, there’s loads of initiatives around me to stop men feeling isolated. Or, just join a gym. I know it’s hard when you’re feeling knackered but push through & take some of your stress & lower mood out on some weights or cardio machines! You could also look at joining a coaching programme with others who are trying to get fitter! Some coaching programmes have a real community thing going on - like CrossFit or a similar kinda group exercise thing!

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sammyyy88@reddit

This is great advice :)

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Outrageous_Tomato_71@reddit

If you work from home and it wouldn’t make your job impossible I recommend requesting compressing your hours so you work something like 8-6 4 days a week. You have longer work days but the 8-9 and 5-6 hours are great because you never have meetings and no one bothers you so you can focus. Then you have a whole extra day off a week for hobbies. You could sign up for a class related to your hobby to meet people locally.

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anonymouse39993@reddit

By finding a job that works with my life Work used to take over my life now it’s very contained and low stress

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bennett346@reddit

I can echo every single thing you’ve wrote there. Ultimately it’s not worth it once it starts to bleed stress into your life outside of work, but I don’t know what the alternative is

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Porkchop_Express99@reddit

I started saying 'no' when I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown in my late 30s. I was middle management, absolutely not worth the stress I was diagnosed with. I set hard boundaries, and a quite few colleagues fell out with me as I wasn't their doormat any more. Ive taken a step back since. Wasn't worth the damage it was doing to me and my family. In another public sector role now. Not exciting but flexi hours, WFH and other similar benefits mean I have that balance.

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Lady-Deidre-Skye@reddit

By becoming self-employed and being able to choose exactly how much or how little I work.

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ahoneybadger3@reddit

I'm late 30's, very late 30's. Don't own my own home, not married and living alone albeit with my cat and I love it. I work 11.5 hour shifts and still find time to squeeze in 2 hours workout time every other day because if I weren't working out I'd just be sitting there anyway. After being in relationships from 16 to 33 years old constantly I found myself single for the first time and just ran with it and loved it. I couldn't now not live alone.

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